The evening world. Newspaper, January 26, 1905, Page 10

by the Press Publishing Company, No, 63 to 63 Park Row, New Gat the Post-Ofice at Now York a6 Bocond-Clasy Mal! Matter. BAB. ce ssserseree ee L} Our “Laughing Jackasses.’ animal, As a matter of fact it Is only tence, nd the patient sheep dies, . time he is quite ready for his bed if not for his coffin. ily exert himself, But, like the Aust olk's. Way: An Example. dy that they ¢lected’ Mr. Folk Governor, reform ‘his force is ample. What is needed now is it action, ; Some Good one Been Done. rh ‘propelling power of pu “Trans Company, has caused that corporation to “stir itself.” NO, 16,864 The sheep is considered a very patient stupid, But it gets the credit for great pa- There is a bird in Australia called the “Laughing Jackass.” ‘tis bird lights on the back of the sheep and pecks its way through wool and skin and flesh till it reaches the sheep's kidneys, which it relishes as a dell. pee MR cacy, The sheep Is so very patient and so very stupid that it grazés on unresistingly while the “Laughing Jackass” pecks away on its back. Finally the industrious bird gets its average New Yorker would probably resent the idea that he Is a sheep. But just see what happens to him in the course of one gets up in the morning and eats a nutritious breakfast consisting con of Hogs! Livers, of milk made largely of Chalk, of e largely of Plaster of Paris, Then he boards his Rapid Tran- ” and dangles picturesquely from the end of a strap while his passengers use him as a human punching bag. Then he works all bing in a miasma flatteringly called office “‘atmosphere,” Then he E to luncheon and eats pie made of Plaster of Paris with some Y in, If he is temperate he drinks some more powdered 5; if he 1s not, he drinks whiskey made of wood alcohol or Then, puffing some opium neatly disguised as a cigarette, he way back to the office “atmosphere” for his aftemoon’s work. 1s done he again goes through the assault and battery of the sit on his way home, Safely arrived there, he can rejoice in a cocted of sulphurous acids, salicylic acid, borax, aniline dyes, and quite a good many other chemicals all highly useful in acids Spheres, ut by.no means ideal aids to the digestion. Finally, poisons he has swallowed have given him a headache, he othe it by tal:ing-a dose of injurious oplates sold for phenace- the average New Yorker is carrying a lot of “Laughing 7. ft On his back. He could get rid of them quickly enough if he Ley ralian sheep, he is too “‘pa- , W. Folk was Prosecuting Attorney for St. Louis his way bribery and boodling was to send the bribers and boodlers to eee rm y did the people of Missouri approve of this rational’and ind shamless lobbying, not only by professionals but by pub. high station, has scandalized the Legislature of Missouri for Folk’s way of dealing with this evil was to issue an lobbyists to report in person to him upon their arrival in on legislative business, state their business and not, remain lesson for Commissioner McAdoo in Folk’s method, The ing is to DO IT, not talk about it. The Court of Appeals The World has shown, that the legal power of the Com- ¢ opinion, applied to the Brooklyn @ The Evening World began its fight for better transit condi. REPORTER'S story describes an east-eide residence as “located in the heart of the cadet district.” Pratty soon we may have the Madison Avenue Robinson-Joneses referred to as} “living tn the centro of the dining- room hold-up district; Mr. and Mrs. Riverside Drive as "remding on the edwe of the fMat-robbery region, id Menara, Hodgkin & Hodgkin as ‘do. ing business .in the store burglary vec thon.” The present topographical di- vision of the city Into or.minal areas permits of an extensive use of ‘his torm of description, ° York. very . The police of Higin have been ordered to put @ stop to all flirting in that city, After: they are through with that dim: in New York, The “IAttle Father’ fiction in Rusaia goes the way of the belief in Russia's military strength and other illusions of ignorance, The pricking of Russlan bubbles la becoming @ oontinuous pro- cess, eee Old-fashioned winters have outlived thelr usefulness, Wirt have we to do with the snowe of yester-year and ‘te bilusards, too? eee Elizabeth MoOracken in her ‘Women of America" tells of a college girl who, having dropped her eyegiasees into a narrow opening between two walls, hap-| Z pened to remember that their frames! were made of steel, She went to the Q Physical laboratory, borrowed a mag- net, tled a string to it, and lowering it curefully into the opening, eee Q 4 Chicago woman killed herself be- Cause she vould not give up olgar q and @ shio's quartermaster in Cher Peake Bay walked thirty miles to get & package. . My Lady Nivotine's soft embrace develops in time @ grip of steel, : “One of the most striking features of the trip fs the glimpse one catches of millions of dollars’ worth of machinery gone to ruin, of, hundreds of old cars 4nd miles of outworn trackage,” This Js not the tale ofa trip over the B, R. | 2 It Is a report trom the Isthmus of Panama, Cleveland in experimenting with three-cent fares on short-haul atreet- car lines. Give New York time. she has the habit of waiting till new ideas have been ‘“ried ‘on’ the dog.” There 4a the skyscraper, the trolley cat’ Itself, the Subway, the municipal lighting pant Project, all adapted from other cities, Soura composed his “Stare and Stripes" march while pacing the deck of an ocean liner, Probably noted their absence from the masthead and sought to supply the omision, ee * The advantage claimed of the “simpl» life cocktail" ts that it makes you fe equal to leading it, eee The best customers for perfumes are the royal ladies of the countries of the some of the principal countries of Bu- Tope. Next to auch courts comes the Imperial Court of Russia, A first ship- ment of a novelty in sweet smells is al- Ways sent to thope courts for a favor- able verdict, not ps Bah RE An objection to.the $® a dozen golf ball 1s that it reduces the surplus high- erto available for high balls, * 6 8 Something, must really be done when the masked bandit pushes his way through the exclusive portals of a club. ‘This is both a ylolntion of law and of soclal etiquette, * 8 6 Nerve Is Widow's Secret widows, or une for every twelve {n- habitants, and since thelr existence wes made knuwn to the great outer world ‘eroh has received u score of letters from admiring men offering marriage, Why? If there fa an answer to that question every woman not a widow wishes she knew {t, And every widow ts too wise to tell and so give away the trade secret that since the world began has made the prosperity of her tribe, No one who views the ease with which the widow over thirty-five acquires @ sec- —— ‘ Mary Jane att * Cd he TS, = No! You 400se! KEEP STILL! By Nixola Greeley-Smith, VER #1 the: unto herself a first husband that she finds it easier to get a second, It ts not that she is supertor in any way save one, That ts nerve, For nerve, pure and simple, is the, secret of the widow's power. If you would be her rival do not waste any time in baauty parlors or at the dress- that Freemansburg, & email town in Penn- sylyania, holds the recon for widows, to cultivate her muscles, to a gym- nasium, But supposing she desires to Increase her stock of that quality of| bragen courage known as ‘nerve’ what must she do? | Thore are several professions open to | women that, though not yet classified | a8 such, are simply schools of nerve. Any woung woman anxious to rescue some probable victim of a widow from his fate cannot do better than take ® short course in city journalism, un-| less, to be sure, she holds a doctor's| degree and can try riding on an ambu-| lance, Even then she may find herself inadequate to tHe task, for the widow, of course, has had years of training and speciq] study. boasts forty - two ago, these improvements have been made or promised: 6 led womam of the) The mere fact that she {s a widow Photographer's. DOES 1T SKooT ANO MAKE A Loup Noise? 4 i addi % H npleasan' conte! bovel. jore than thirty hours in the city. ee Fsaenah weit Bd Flsthie4 | maker's or milliner’s, The improvement ee she herent key Linedl westcad Peper Cie grey Knew Gov. Fotk “meant business.” They are keep-| Persia and the Khedive of Saypt use {fl Abel ene eRe va hes aan people, Brother | landlord of this house. wont rebuild. it the capital, “There are practically no lobbyists here,””| ™or® perfumery and pay more for it If © woman wants to cultivate her Willte tn le boytat | for ws, and you put up with the impo play pulled in, I suppose you would be , than do the entire royal households of volce she goes to a conservatory; if Fi peta to make improvements yourself. Wel, “Down In the mouth,” —_— Comes in Handy, ' mK Now KEER REAL) STILL WHILE ‘ COUNT. THREE) TAKE THAT FOR YOouR eae, WE'LL CALL AGAIN. ° Higher Up By Martin Green. | SER,” sald the Cigar Store’ 6 | Man, “that the humbs, Russians ure evincing @ des” sire to seatter the Omar | around some with the ald of dynas ‘ mite,” pricy “The ‘Little Father’ gag appears b to be slipping into the discard at St. Petersburg and other centres of Rus+ sian loyalty,” remarked The Man Higher Up. “It has taken the downe trodden Muscovite a long time to get wise to himself, and the chances are’ that he ls not wise to the limit yet, but the signs are good for doings later on, “The averago American takes more interest in the sporting newa than * y he does in the condition of affairs in kg Ber eo Russia, and this js largely the fault of the Russian people, About the only hunch we get that the cards are not running right to them is > when thoy accomplish the assassina+ tion of one of their rulera, It must be pleasant to live in @ country where every other man {s @ fly-cop and the inhabitants have to report tc the police every time they move, Russia is not the only country ip which this rule prevails at that. 5 q “The most interesting feature of ‘this Russian ballyhoo is that it was ) not the tyranny of the officials that actually caused it, but industrial }|conditions, For hundreds of years Russians have been having the avy boots of thelr oppressive rulers thrown {nto them and half en, joying the operation. Not until they got up a large, enterprising and well- distributed strike was there any a certed movement in which there | an approximation of real action, It is remained for the Russian aap- jon of the walking delegate tp get the Russian populace properly >| stewed to the poiut of indignation, Hevetofore they have placed their dependence for deliverance upon authors, poets and surreptitious manufacturers of bombs. Father Gopon is the leader of the revolu- tlonista, but {t was the mem who ore ganized the strike that put’ the revo- lutionists in poaltion to be led.” “T haven't seen anything in the % | despatches from St. Peterwburg about walking delegates,” asserted tho replied The Man “The Russian author!- Higher Up. ; , it the walking ties don’t know delegate has arrived.’ Mrs. Nagg and Mr.—» «... By Roy L. McCardell.... “Ww have, If you could ase the tiled bath- room Mrs, Stryver has! I always did want a tiled bathroom, and there jen't reading about the Russians when I want to talk with you, Mr, Nagg? 1 HY do you alt @an's whiskers and the Russian brutal- Roy L. McCardell, assaulted him. ‘The Russians are always throwing bombs and being sent to Siberia, and they wear beautiful furs, and furs are @o terrible dear this year, It cost me $110 for a atingy little stole and a pil- low muff of ermine, And then you wonder how the money goes. 1 am as economical as I can be, and I simply had to have an ermine set, because I am going to the lecture at the Simple Life Society on ‘Criminal Luxury,’ by Count Piver, who lost all his money At Monte Carlo and had to eell his estates, so now he has turned literary, and won't lecture at all unless he gets $500, 1 think that's @ terrible price, things about me, although } never Heten to kitchen gossip, 60 you eee whet I have to put up with, and you edd t my worrles by the way you eot! Byt x wouldn't move just to please them, You would like to drag me off somewheres where I would know no one, and then - you would never come home at all, Don't deny it, Mr. Nagg! You know you wanted to move to New Jersey ton years ago, I shall never forget that, Let me see the papers, Why, where is ond husband and the difficulties that confront th A otickpin, the angle of a letter and the print of human teeth on Knife sheath are little things on which to wend a man to the gallows. But it is the overlooked trifles which usually lead to a murderer's undoing, The pe- cullar character of a cut made in a tablecloth with a knife did as much for a London murderer recently, the part with the dry-goods advertise: ments? You threw it away, you say? “Oh, Mr, Nags, you find fault with the way the noney goes, and yet you know I try to buy where things are cheapest, and that 1s why you throw away the advertisements! All you care for {s to read about the Russians and how they suffer, If you had any kind. but Mrs, Stryver just sald that Count Pilver was all the rage, and the Simple Life Soclety just must get him or be laughed at, All the women that belong to the Simple Life Society have ermine sets, and T wasn't golng to go there and not have ono, I don't see why you can't come with me, the tickets are only $6 each, and the Astor ballroom e thousand more cars a week over the Brooklyn Bridge! thousand more cars a week over the ‘Williamsburg Bridge! Mjigger’’ cars'on the Williamsburg Bridge are to be supplanted same age seeking a first mate can doubt that there is such a@ secret, 'The first thing that would suggest {t- self as a posgible solution of the mys- tery fs that widows are better looking than unmarried women of equal age. But are they? A casual comparison of one's widowed and unmarried women helps, such {# the glamour attached to her class In the eyes of man. It is the chorm surrounding widowhood in gen- eral that led to the Freemansburg in- Tush of proposas the moment the num- ber of its widows was announced, And thia, the result of centuries of tradl- ton, the unfortuate spinster must com. gures, verified by actual counts and comparisons, show how he claim that no relief can come until (he company is allowed nits terminal and tracks into the City Hall Park! 898 friends scarcely justifies the inference. | bat in vain, She can only do the best at the Waldorf will be beautifully dec. |ness of heart you would take some : ») ‘The continued-in-our-next story of} It ls not because the widow of thirty or|she can to obtain a first husband, | orated with roses and ferns. But you | notice of the suffering in this house, i realising that once he {8 attained, the | so is more beautiful than when she took _———————E——T What Can a Boy Do? Thie is what a boy can do, because boys have done it: He van write a great poem. Alex- ander Pope wrote his famous “Ode to Solijude” when he was only twelve years But we are not Rusalans, eo you have no use for us, Brother Willie was out . all laat night looking for work, If you cored anything for my brother you would not see him worry about not having work, but you would give him more spending money, He has to go Tout with some of his frends and hunt jwad pio’, and when they do find any PAT—Begorry, this golf bag ez just the caper ter catry wan’s tools in Taking an Awful Chance. Sranulated life-preservers and cotten hose loses nothing of the original hor- tor of the first chapter, The Slocum serial has now run a seven months’ course in newspaper columns, grand Jury rooms and Congress. When ts it to get Into court for a concluding chap- ter of conviotion and punishment? o 6 8 don't care for the simple lite, Mr, Nagg. You would prefer to alt in a» shabby dressing gown at home reading about the Russians! "People who see you golng smiling down the streots patting the children on the head little dream what I endure at your hands at home! seoond will take care of himself, \ cold wave helps the police by sending even criminals to shelter, lorm by frigidity cannot be depended upon to last. Sezer has incited many revolts, but a revolution cannot run long fachs and shivering frames, Id. "I Keep silent about It, and people @ so heavy to carry and tho; y y ‘ An out-between-{he-acts nuisanos ‘3 He can write a great book, Macaulay are surprised when I tell them the ex. Boh for St. iar ork was under the rule of a “Great White Czar” yesterday— |cMmding his way toward the aisle rail ysote iis frat volume, the""Primtta act truth, “E wish T was a Russian; then, pere \p againot Gen. Bierman. “I beg a “IT haven't anything that other women ‘i the literary world by storr, thousand pardons, General,” he said, witch took before ho was in his teens. hapa, you would be kind (o mel” King. : any Ue he by, 1a “You,” gall} yr» con write a successful play, Jobn | Ses ee ; , Suibway was appreciated yesterday. No wonder the people cry| kneos behind. the young cae ene’ Ms To'Keete, the famous Irah actor and | [=== » i ¢ the young man, “if you ight, wrote a play that ts con- 66 g ; don't ume bec Dlaywrieht, wrote & play tht is com The ‘‘Fudge” Idiotorial Tt iad Laat fifteen, ; He can become famous. Charles oa oe People’s C ProuBleahi; Dickens hi "ketohes by Bor” o Va We Settle th A lady residing In Flatbush p OPNE TL, | Ance asain we're up against st, | weit that before he wae twenty-two e settle the writes us she will have to PY ( ) When to Russia w t turn, me was known to all the } lero from Evening World Readers) kno ain of owresking | tio can “make his mark" po well that Servant Problem.§ change to a FLAT-HOUSE, un- Beriakex Avenue ‘realnns|riane chat it ne had ; | Nunes and places we must learn. it will open ae Seerc Re carton — less WE will settle the SERVANT vi i. ad not vaciliated, but i feoll England's grea F i ot The Bri yb calleak had turned his soldiers loose on te ded remee ie Us Hae Wl school for his brilliant work, (Copyrot, 1905, Planet Pub. Co.) # PROBLEM for her, Garey more carn than do the opgir® gevetutlon, would have been} Kuropatkin, Viadlvontok, Aare) HA Adal eset SETA We approach this problem i jerushed, The Czar Is criticised for al-| yfukden, Dalny and Newchwang; French and Ital yen Maly Gash oor crowded, | 2108 his Cossacks to fire on the Rus-| Just as we had mastered Baikal, composition to-day. A ; with RESPECT. It has floored others, ; It MAY floor US, WoL continuo the present ex-|*@N crowd, and It 1s feared auoh cruelty! shan Hal Quan and Tal Cheng, too, | He can enter @ great university be-| — Skinfint—What would you do if t were to give you a dime, Uttle boy? But we think there would be LESS trouble with servants If tore he is thirteen, Willam Pitt Aid it ——— ne A Fish Story. Little Boy—Gee! I'd faint! The Best Jokes of the Day. When we'd grappled with the Shake, And were easy with Chefoo, When we'd swallowed Yokohama, Rojestvensky and Yingchao, THE MISTRESSES DID THE WORK Then there would be fewer complaints, unless the servants were dissatisfied. edule of Broadway expresses |MAY breed clvi! war. If both these | Oible the number of Lenox aye-;Monarchs, who acted in dlametrically | This wou'd prevent the | pporite fashicn, did wrong, what was erating Into | te right course to pursue, readera? al subway from deg Margaret—Mrs, Tinker called whlle “Mannish? 1 shoul MW i, ahs " Marea —h . 8 MG Man is ould say she ts Fatdine-box, strap-hanging regime | ANGLO-RuUss, | And could talk of Tachichao, A singlar Instance of tenacity In the A m, t | f ne Neen doing now?” a a This ts not w kick, but | One ‘Tiocsand Milles Seo what we're up against right now! | gestion of fish Is reported from Bhet-/ 9S) en Ve We inank the Lard] “Gettin on street cai ea the Better still, perhaps, It would be If ALL HIRED GIRLS be- friendly suggestion for the To the Editor of The Byening W. f All about the Nevski Prospect, field, England. The fish, a Wn 4 feet that wae cui! front!’ Cleveland Leader, : came MIND READERS, of an already good road, Nid daay ae saree aati Chinoviks adds to our woe, Jong, had what appeared to be an ab-| “Morgaret—That's what ahe atid, mem, — SEAT GRABBER, vets make a whan? . Cate, It} pavloveki, likewise Allaftay, normally hard liver, But the cutting-|_hoaen Trane A ulrl missed her thimble nearly a Then they would know WHAT to do without being told, Bib Noy, 27, nm, " | And say. what's Tsurkoscloe? lip cprocsan, Faveesed: RemetnING) (R01 ii mee rus murnine (colton donne eee It ls VERY HARD for a lady to tell a servant WHAT TO DO, HAltor of The Evening World: Haw or Cooked Foodst Preobrajensky's grandeur xtranger, ‘The supposed hard iver! . “Are, they | The otser day she coughed tt up Is aGOOD GUESSER the | 5 fHpHIAL date did Thankygiving f9N1| my dye waiter of The Evening World: Btriker us all with feelings chilly, Viurmed oxt to be a plece of stout net. |B | ot course whe new ahe hud rat i Ifthe servant Is a . e lady fs In luck! W,u,8. | I have read that there {8 more! Like the ice upon the Moiival ting over 2 yards long and 14 inches) | won MMe veland Leader somewhere,—Cloveland Plain Dealer, Even a mind reader might not know what was in the lady’s And around the Isle Vaas!)lt, Nijni-Novgorod and Kharkov, ‘Tiflts, Kazan and Moscow— We'll go toamin’ off our trolleys, For we're up against it now, WALTER A. BINCLAIR. wide, which had been pressed into the form of a football, How this mass came to be swallowed is a mystery, It was suggestod that the fish, caught in the tolls of a fisherman's net, had tried to ape by devouring his prison walle strength in raw foods than In cooked ‘ores, Will some one who has tried the experiment describe the results to mo and tell also what foods can be eaten raw outside of fruits am cereals, if there are any? A mind because the. lady did not have It made up A mind CANNOT be made up like a bed, THOUGHTS, not sheets and pillow-cases! Wasco Aa ia ia MMM i . he Crar vs, Lowla NVI. T Eosy, of The Rvenine World: XVI, has been criticived for not othe moh wat, opened the i It i eald by histo- “Bome people inglet on referring to flats as ‘apartments! “It's wrong,” answered tho moar | ‘The rain ts good for grass and grain, ‘The rain we can't condemn; But, oh, I wish 'twould only rain Tom § to 6 A. M. Piain~Dealon, It requires tented man, ‘They are compart. foente,"'—Waahington Gar, lat Ball it