The evening world. Newspaper, April 30, 1903, Page 12

Bai MET CAE y Pray: APRIL 80, 1903, M FATHER KNICKERBOCKER HAS OUTGROWN HIS “L” SERVICE. RAVER mY | Wiblishea by the Preas Publishing Company, No, 58 to 0 ee Park Row, New York. Entered at the Post-Office at New York as Seoond-Class Mall Matter. BAUOMOLUME 48..ccccccsccccesscseecsNO. 10,287. THE ST. LOUIS WORLD'S FAIR, If James Monroe had not gone beyond his instruc- ‘ tions and bought of Napoleon the Jand since known as 5 5 t | “the Lonisiana Purchase,” would a St. Louls World's Fair, the dedication of which is taking place to-day, especially in the light of the fact that Monroe's act was} bave been possible? ® Monroe, sent to Europe by President Jefferson to i buy Florida, also bought Louisiana, the recent acquisi- | tlon of which from the Spanish by the French had ex- fi cited American fears and protests. Suppose that Na- ® poleon had held to his bargain and a French colonial | empire had been established in the domain which fs ‘now the seat of fourteen soverelgn American States— what then? -~ " pe Reese It is an interesting topic to speculate upon, in antagonism to the avowed Presidential policy of not acquiring more territory. » The $15,000,000 paid for Louisiana represents exactly the sum raised by St. Louis, including the Government's | contribution of $5,000,090 for the approaching World's > Fair, Agile statisticians figure out that the sum at in- terest should now amount to §$1,009,000,000, whid. ‘6° 2 Ze j offset by one year's output of manufactures In this {m- i aes ——— a => LA ? | perial domain, an area four times that of the nation Mtr, oo { which sold it to us. World's fairs, in the proper sense of the term, are comparatively new, dating from the London Exposition of 1851, and progressing in importance to the Columbian Exposition of 1893. To this Chicago Falr there were 27,000,000 visitors, about a miilion less than to the Paris World’s- Fair of 1889, but fully fifteen times as many as attended the London Exposition of 1851. Our Philadel- hia Centennial had an attendance of 10,000,000 and re- ceipts of $3,800,000. Chicago World’s Fair receipts were _ $10,500,000. St. Louis has much to do to exceed this “ gigantic total. » What will St. Louis furnish the world in the way of "-@ novelty comparable with the Eiffel tower or the *¥Ferris wheel? What especial mechanical device corre- a A UN AO SS LO-GU 4S CO VOOCCOX lL UULUIUL_ OU UZGYVY CO OO IO OE XKXKX? > PRS $GSOCPS9S5-9O9-9-08 sponding to the Krupp gun idea that grew out of {hie LE PCAS OS PLASALOTO NES EO SL OF g Santos-Dumont air- THE OLD JOKES’ original London Exhibition? The forthcoming race of the “ships for a $200,000 prize is a feature of more vital in- ‘terest than any yet provided at a world’s fair; there are possibilities of great additional development of wire- less telegraphy. The chances seem to be that the *“future great” city will furnish the world with its | Breatest of fairs and that our confident expectations ‘will be fully realized, ‘AGAINST BEEF-TRUST EXTORTION ‘While slaughter-houses are tolerated in Manhattan, j the erection of the new abattoir permitted by the + Bisberg measure will be generally approved. It is both ‘likely to be one of more modern construction than ‘others and consequently less objectionable off the score of offensiveness, and ft has also the great additional merit of being an independent enterprise undertaken in antagonism’ to Beef Trust extortions. . <The price of meat for two years past has been the despair of the thrifty housewife; {t has been almost prohibitive for the family with narrow means. Evi- dence has been furnished and corroborative evidence ) frequently added to prove that the high prices were ex- w THE “SPRING FEVER’ EPIDEMIC HAS STRUCK GOTHAM. w HEY, THATS ® RUSH ~~~ <"( CALL FOR A QOCTOR! Cae SEE RES HUMOR THAT NEVER DIES. Authentic Instances of ‘‘ Modern’’ Jokes © Are 2,000 Years Old. Piven was the father of the mother-in-law fol! TENDERLOIN CAPTAIN He told this: “A man, angry at a dog, picked up stone and threw it at the animal. He missed the 4) and happened to hit his mother-in-law, ‘who was stand!) near. Whereupon he turned to the bystanders and marked, ‘Not so bad, after all!’ That good one you heard the other night was by Ck) When he heard Fabia, a promiment woman of fashion, she was thirty years old, he slyly remarked, “That's { for I've heard her say it for the last twenty years.” A Greek epigrain tells of an ungrounded scandal cd | “Some say, Nicylla, that you dye your hair, Why. it's as black as can be bought fn market." ‘The Chaldeans were the first to say rude things © wives. A recently tead tablet of hieroglyphs disclosd thusly: A wanderer from some remote province ¢ a dlvtinguished-looking man at a great feast given oY king who a certain homely looking woman: was, ‘"T said the distinguished-looking man, “1s my alster.”* -no,"" put in the stranger hastily and in great confustor, z ¥ supply but mean that hideous looking creature standing next! e ected itd ee ant Res eaanoriane oi) ah a her." “That,” said the Chaldean, “is my wife.” ‘solely for extra » iy en Socrates, who doubtless had reason for thinking as ¢to put an end to these exactions of monopoly deserves puble support. i THE FREE-LUNCH ASSAULT. No more free lunch? Must we bid an enforced fare- | well to wurst and sardines, to ham and corn beef, to gnchovies and Schweitzer and all the pickled thirst- provoking provender that has so long gone gratis with di@, on account ‘of his shrewish wife, Xantippe, used tos when he was ssked whether it was better to marry or nq “Whichever seu do, you will regret st.’ Thense the fc vf imitations. pk Everybody knows the modern version of this: A m/ lagreed to pay his doctor a fee if the latter cured bt! | His wife remonstrated with him for drinking heavily why 1) a }igh fever. He exclaimed: ‘What, do you want me get well and have to pay the doctor his fee?’ That te t CHRONIC CASE or SPRING FEVER orn TIRED FEELING. VPDF* 9OVSHHOOHSOHGHHLH9O0G 00209990909. 9O-9990000 9-9-9000 2 $9999 9908S O 9, beer? “f- 2 s yA EVEN our FIRES, anid Greek writer, hele ie : Ee ML, ‘orvantes vusn' e first to doctors. You can , Saloon patrons will monrn along with the dairy Pp elit RAKED Sens in an old Greek Joke book: Pausanias, the 6pa: maids on a thousand Orange County farms and along BFE ECTED! general, when asked why he spoke evil of a doctor xhom, ROF, JOSH M. A. LONG: Iam going away from here. Iam going to Chicago, where 1 hope The pinch will be felt in! to carry on the good work of the Socl- i the Prevention of Cruelty to with innumerable delicatessen purveyors contemplating neir reduced receipts following upon the retaliatory | ukiise of the lMquor-dealers. many households, so important an industry and one/ety for with such wide-ramitying interests 1s that of providing | H¥mor, 1 have been s charter, mamict] the daily supply of side-table edibles in saloons. It {3'{i)\my treasures I prize two things estimated that the cheese alone consumed there amounts the highest-—my chestnut curls and my Ao $1,000,000 a year, 18. P. C, H, badge. I send you a pleture Will the excuse of the higher lcense fee justity the | of myselt and my badge, py MnGins saicon-keepers in continuing their course of free-lunch Ale ea a . economy? An absence of the salted delicacies that in-| Before I go to Chicago I would Uke ‘@uce thirst will mean a less frequent ‘‘setting them upto send "Mr. Dooley’ to the Old Jokes again" and a consequent falling off of bar receipts, | Home, wh won ete TABROOKE, It will mean the loss of customers to whom the lunch) wr, Chinese Honeymoon" Company, was the main thing and the glass or two of beer only} Amphion Theatre, Brooklyn, an incidental accompaniment. There will be a ma-| A Badue for Brooklyn. terial reduction pf revenue with which the proprietor | Prof, Josh ol, A. Long must reckon. Please confine the following offenders | + The free lunch if an American institution, here to!in padded cells and instruct OMcer| * stay in spite of ineffective efforts to end it. Time has{Svilivan to watch them closely, as tes proved {ts utility; it benefits him that gives and him |are Hable ty break out ac any time that takes. Banished now temporarily, it {s certain to| Waat is the best way to get a milk return, and the wise saloon man will expedite itx re- hase a cow all about the far had never consulted, said: “If I had consulted tim spouldn't now be speaking elther good or evil about a: bods, Before the day of Dutch comedy this was told in Gre y Hieroc'es, A fool, meeting one of twins, the dear | one of whom he had heard of, asked, “Was it you that or your brother?” oe IK ere (foruin simp comin!) Ce) ON THE EVENING WORLD PEDESTAL. THE WAITER wasirt THE MAN WHOSE Wire Kier HAS TO WAKE Hitg UP WITH @ FRYING-PAN, Cver Gothamites is stealing that alluring “tired feeling” (“Rubber”-tired, as our interest in our neighbors’ fa.ling show) ; And folks snooze in the infernal clutches of the Fever Vernal, . While detectives slumber as they hunt th’ elusive Johnn‘e Doe. CHLOE 9O9O9-94549-094646H0$6-49OOOO OOOIH P4446 OR C8 GHGOEY PDPISHAIPOTOHPPOYOOOH HH IO 98-9-4F9049-0O4: jshake ie Be ee aya neo | LCT Ss oT: THE KISSES OF THE GREAT. [eniieenune i! Janene: 08), BN QUESTIONS, HOME FUN FOR HG YOUNG FOLKS. | There are matrons who reca!] with pleasure, by aid | They eay the father ~dould set a gov: ANSWERS. of their mothers’ memories, how Brignol! put their |¢ ple for bis sou, but the moun A WHIRLING HO}-AIR SPIRAL. GAME OF NOTED MEN. j pudgy infantile feet within his capacious ore rotundo semen} - The hosices Leging the game by say- } ; low is that It Means “Grain. ing, q Mouth; and a venerable dame died last year who re-/ \vny, the moon stays aut ull alah aut} to the Baltor o, The Even ng World ng, “I how a celebrated poet; the membered a kiss bestowed upon her baby brow by Gon- |gets tul What is the Engl sh meaning of the Asai part of hie ft ‘ ‘eral and President William Henry Harrison, Similar} Well, that’s nothing; thy sin doesn’: | Latin word ‘frumentum?” L. i. f ehoice memories will be in store for the “bunch of |"°h UP until mor Apply at Park Arsenal L have in mind a few imme *1A: Ne | 5 ene waitor of The Evening World: abies kissed by President Roosevelt at Des Moines,” been doing service sinve vie thue of m)| Where can ure 8 tt mig pated person.) BBP Fay, ROR ea 4s related in the press despatches. When those of these| sreat-greut-grand: Weasa send |aketen in Central Park? Rammell 49, of pa nearel An Aah) sive the name " ? t J Apriunate ones who sre boys grow up to be bearded |M* * badge that } may nave full au H. EGGELING. part is someting. pantry naeahy hor! Oo arres' m vera | men no doubt it will rejuvenate them to recall the|\ BROOKLYN 8, P. C,H. CONSTIT. | MIMCK ANd White Ave Not Colors, | when they are cold, the last 18.4 weapon Bonor by which they were singled out for Presidential] UN. . i To the KAltor of The Bvesing Werle Figure 1, Of wartase,” ‘Chore are quite s number “I 5 lisem\Sinionvinian a A says that neither black nor white la/ piral on paper, as shown In of mamca which will do nicely for this i : The kissing of bables {s a concomitant priv: Prof, Josh M. A, Long DEAE: Benya inet Bisek ie 8 ‘palo , bit out and mount It on & game, A tow are Howitt, (how-it), q privilege, Patra eat nk fen and white is not W. J. W. | plece of stift wire (Fig. 2) and set over Wordsworth (word-worth), © Cornw % read of 7 * 4 ’ i Game mpisay ® penalty, of the Presidential office. To one! , (ore Pec), OF your veluabie inal: Mareh 17, 1809, | @ was Jet or a stove vent. The spiral (corn-wal)), Milman (m leman), She With Pronounced views on “race suicide” it 1s no doubt ‘ ‘sary tor vening World | Will whirl continuously as long as taere| tshell-iea), Washington (washjng-ton), as = ae my food it has accomplished, 1 took it] 79 the Edlior of The Evening is hot air to move it Film (Mii-mor 9 i 8 Dk But probably there have been others in the | upon myself without authority to cor-} Please glve date of whe Windsor Motel ————— . | rises a! ia cima sitive gy Olay ced : ] . Executive's office to whom a handshake with their] rai a few of the oldest jokes thet scem|™& uo Ww, sollan), preferable. custom which honored in bh would mean loss of votes; no doubt a flat to Kiss these Des Moines cherubs would have d mn Strong affection felt for the Presi- blican lowa. There are sentiments that thi 8 party platforms. iid grace with which the President acquits Ig obligation shows his versatility. To might have resulted in the slay- to the bestowal of @ labial and to achieve each act fo have eluded your agents, or per- haps you have no agent on Stoten Island. They were so old and feeble that they could not tell whether 1 had a badge or not. They are: Way did the first Irish settlers on Staten Island leave o:d Ireland? Be- cause they could not bring It with them. What peper has the largest olirou' tion? A paper of 'tohacco, Who are ite wubscribera? Aphews) choose, Any one - | & DUNTON, 355 CONUNDRUMS, four nines to equal a Sundred— Susnests a Profession. To the Edlior of Tas Evening World ‘Your editorial on processions 18 Very | yarhe an orgun without @ st appropriate, Another very interesting iinan toncu Lies out @ stop. procession Elen a bit vis; * When is @ candle like a t procession of the members of the prose) Ww fi Blate, gislature dead march, th ep thn Ga Under 8 1 9 buy tO tRKe voce Ui a, Builuay, B) i m wt : people. mi aly niave Van Spportuntiy| nothing and Jeave what they should (aik the (riots. At. Non-sense, ni Bf "applan’ noble Rant ini ye piel One sate When is an author like @ ghost? When in lographed and pel Weole date, shore the ‘thelr |? rhe LY Cor When giving a name to be guessed the Prosi of ihe man, whether poet. a thor, statesman or ro dier, must sivwh, but nothing else should be given. GAME OF FABULA, The p seat themselves in @ circle and one sits in the middle with a stick ‘n his hand, He then begins to tell ¢ ves? Because they are but put your watch ye 708 mould ould you never sels Dear Children, on our Pedestal At Leader Murphy stare! The Big Chief of the Wigwam he, Bucceeding Squire Richard Q _ As autocrat of Tammange,