The evening world. Newspaper, April 11, 1903, Page 8

1 LAAT VRE REAR AA ROE: ARAERE RTGS — from tears, No other writer eo ruthlessly tears the vell| 4¢¢099¢05044580000000¢4089 dal sermon a snveyed very asi Ay cn er HOW ARDENT ARCHIE WON. PAPA’S ie ROWEYG@ sYotks RICA ate ooeorsI to @) on Monday The Frening World will begin a series of - J fr — SS RTUATTETT New York as Becond-Class Mall Matter. Interviews with “The Men of To-Day Who Make the) ¢ , ar sd i World Laugh.” Merk Twain, Mr. Dooley, Augustus @ f ‘ P ; YoLuME 48. +:NO. 18,208. |rnomas, Simeon Ford and other professional fun-makers have been persuaded to reveal their processes, and the! ? NEW JERSEY’S BUBBLE TRUSTS. reader 18 sure of entertainment from them, Corporations capitalized to the amount of $239,000,000 al ee Free Golf at Van Cortlandt.—A curioun tittle monopoly | 4 Put out of existence by the proclamation of the! as developed on the city's Van Cortlandt links by which | Governor of New Jersey dissolving them for non-pay-| a club has sought to constitute Itself an arbiter of the 2 “ment of taxes. Also in New Jersey ducing the fiscal year} el BaUNe Wi Be to use a ag ay (ane a this nature deserves repreesion. The city’s playgrounds Rpeian 1 eieihieas ere a. capital vie rl should be free to all respectable persons. To permit a 5 1,000,000 went Into the hands of receivers, “Air bub-| certain delegation of persona to pass on this question of bles,” sald Vice-Chancellor Pitney, tn granting applica- respectabtlity fs to nullify the purposes of the free links, tone for receiverships. It is a name that designates. Stocks with a paper value of more than half a billion K ? Gollars are thus wiped out. A breath made them, and a THE ObkD JO ES HOME Dreath unmakes. Some were founded on legitimate busi-; - THREATS! mess. prospects. But how many a fake mining com- xe following pany and swindling of], well corporation is on the sourritous list! How many projects for robting the public] tion ath AbeOri pee g $ELADLOOGHGOSGHOELHOHOOHES-LGOGGHOHOOHHOOOHOOMN i with worthless securities, stamped and sealed and cer=|mying rude sketch 4 rll RAL Le Se a Ean Lo ade | tifleated in proper form, with all logal requirements oly | herewith produced g 3 =R GREAT DISCOVERY Served, but none the less a bunco game, differing in de-|'¥"* bhcia tte aah 4 3 ANOTHER G co gree only, not in kind, from that of the gold-brick awin-| Whitecap “warning b 3 BY WILLIAM PEASELY, @ler! It ts the shame of a great State that such com-| and will neither be ee q Bs | , panies are welcomed, with no questions asked, and the! !ntimidated nor ca- “4 *® | President Roosevelt Was With Him at the Time. ) ‘} Commonwealth's conscience quieted by the bribe of an Sethe Saear i © $ (By Wirelor Telegraphy.) | |} incorporation tee. addressed to Prof. i. 3 OZEMAN, Mont., Yestenlay.-A news event of great ! u sy The prettily printed waste paper of the shares in Josh M. A. Lona, 3 $ lanportance makes !t necessary to omit for the ‘these companies has been a dear purchase for armies of} Mt the crude draw- é . ing of the venerable eredulous investors. Many a small patrimony has been| man boing assauited exchanged for it, and estates that were supporting| by thugs shows the widows in comfort. What a host of plausible promoters| #onine lineaments have earned good incomes in commissions for the stock si Fave inthe! White Cap Wart , Aisposed of! What an amount of monoy the ventures bias Brookiya, April 9. have put into circulation for the good of business! What| Prot. Jom M. A. Looe: Gilttering prospectuses! What Inspiration of roseate| ,Villaini—l have Le eee See rout cesiaraly) cfforta to create a society for the forcible incarceration 0: econ Pru ite one cae va ne S some of my old friends, servants and benefactors! var wi Ir cas! Sir, this 1s an outrage! in return for promises! ‘“Gushere” spouting 80,000 bar- I speak for those who without the aid of these eminent rels a day, mining properties nich in veins of ore,| SMtquittes would be forced to go to “work.” Your treach- erous scheme would tear them roughly from the gilded lux- Tanches from whith millions are to bo realized. A very| ury where tender care and affection 19 lavished upes thea orgy of anticipated profits. And now only bitter lees of| to throw them into the dungeons of your Bastlle. tesults, Worse than this, reduce thetr loving friends to the pick It ts doubtful if In the history of speculation in this| *"4. 28°"): present Mr. William Peasely's reminiscences of his | ptoneer days and his many memorable encounters with the savage red men. President Roosevelt arrived in Yellowstone to-day, unattended save by a regiment of United 6tates oav- alry, sixteen private secrataries, eleven photographers end twenty-two spectal correspondents. Upon his arrived the President's first inquiry was for Mt. Peasely, better known as "Old Bill." Meeting Mr. Peasely, he first discussed various methods of irrigation with him end then demanded to seo the famous corned-beef mine. ‘The party was within sight of the mine and were passing up & gully, when Mr. Peasely called attentton to the ourtous gravelly appearance of tue soll. He stooped down and picked up @ small handful of the loose gravel. ‘The gravel was of a ght reddish brown color and had a greasy appearance. ALL MEMBERS OF THE UNION QUST Oe OVER SFT. BivcnEs et ANO WEIGH AT LEAS) THe 160 8 Teiee GIRLS AVE'NT wie ae ps Hegeecae te 0 DRAW THE ra, SALARIES OB AN OED. waa Bimeryen oay 2905209990900 05299ODOF 90% prise, “Baked beans, or Iam dinged!"” Mr. Peasely was not @inged, They were baked beans, a whole hill of them. © | Enough baked beans to supply the world for years to come. Z| President Roosevelt wes dumbfounded. And it was nessly @ | hale a minute before he had recovered sufficiently to Gave his picture taken. According to Mr. Peasely's theory, the prehistoric dwellers of the Yellowstone, perhaps the highly civilized mound-butiders, were tnordinately fond of deans. Doubtiess they made beans their standard of value, and, as the ancient treasure of Carthage was grain, the prehistoric people of the Yellowstone gatherei beans in incaloulable quantities {n vast storehouses or treasuries occupying vast vistas of space. In some vast volcanfo eruption that de- ed the people and their bulldings, @ voloanto eruption thousands of tributes dally to our merits and our worth. It was the boast of Hillary Bell, who died suddenly| The O14 Jokes’ Home has become an institution. Prof. Joah i M, A. Long has become an institution, O14 Dr. Lemonosky Of heart disease on Thureday, that he had “reduced work| hag become an institution, The bday blue ambulance, Joe- to an exact science.” In addition to his main vocation Miller, the good olf chestnut, the only horse with a hyphen, of dramatic critic for a daily paper, he had acquired| and vigilant and eMctent Officer Jerry Sullivan have all b such facility in “economizing the minutes” that he| °°me institutions. If you desire to perpetuate these institu Hons send a two-cent stamp for one of our handsome found time to edit an insurance paper and to contnibute 8, P. C, H. badges and let your watchword be “No Old Jokes aumerous letters on dramatic topics to @ syadicate of| Lagging Superfiuoun Upon the Gcene, and Long and Lemon- Western journals. And now Mr. Bell is dead at the un-| °8*y for the Nation's Choice in ‘01!"’ timely age of forty-seven. , ‘The adage of “all work and no play” does not apply WnatiCur nad No, miscreant! I myself have mn: 1 ¢ country anything like the present era of wildcat invest-| old jokes (lineal dgscahannts of Mark cwaln tutiecave ¢ ment was ever seen, Even the wary investor loses his} Who will Nght for thelr homes and firesides and grind you, $ Iyarings; the inexperienced is helpless in the hands of | "*Wh'!skered old fake, into powder! > {> de atéaa ene eslian a A FRIDND OF THE ANCIENT © mnecrup: ecu nd @ Member of Society for Preservation of Jokes. ‘The grains felt soft to the touch, and then Mr. Peamely, acing a few in his mouth, uttered an exclamation of sur To offset this one anonymous dissenting volce we receive $ WORK AS A SCIENCE. o THE COOKS UNION AW, 4 OTWE TANIT ORS YNION 4 ave ae CTMERS BEAT A Hikm LE 7] SFSOSSSEL59590000600606666 OOOO OO LE SHE Tete, FAR Pao FUAT HE. KS /OvV.Live poe 79 142 $7, Move & Down Tow. Wenrers Are Doing. PPODLIODID hose traces may yet be seen in the boiling glaciers and to Mr. Bell, because to him his many undertakings] yor son uo Atm ne One ABS ; & hot springs and abraded face of the country, the beans were drought the pleasure which the great men who furnish! Please give these jokes tender handling, ae they are near-| © paked en tia Ue Siete or caveetin: posal yf Tecipes for success say should attend all effort that is] !y petrifed: e o burned too badly to be Ce) nee conti pee to bring fame or fortune. He loved the activities of his| What 1s !t that Adam only of all mankind never eaw and) > The beans ore, baled as perfectly aa if aiiift! cook never possessed? Parents, many interests oe Droseouted them with ardor, and! ya you ever hear the story of the hole in the ground? : upecieianded aie. oRne re Ree re 2 eee eee ‘without apprehension as to his health. Np. Ron e V0 OINWeR seasoned the beans through countless centuries. The By comparison with the financial magnates who are " x. |@ AFTER 7 2AH bean pits are only a quarter of a mile from Mr. Pessely’@ | the executive heads of at least one large co ey M. GANZERERG, No. 171 East Ninety-first street. | f G8 ovr ano | B Dorado: Another Handtul of Chestnuts. e : oer reva~ j ‘and directors in a score or more of others Mr. Bell’s| yo, yoen at, A. ang! 3 rpeey r 5 swiss i labors may not appear to have been arduous. But the} what in most ikea horse's foot? A mare's foot, é yeuee, OW THE KITEH CHee se La Samowicn. ees UP AGAINST 17, ORCIOING writer puts into his work a part of himself which must Why fa a cat on her hind legs like @ waterfall? Sho Im cat be replaced by new mental tissue, the construction of | Tot (cataract), What ts that word of five letters of which when you take which carried on by the system day after day without away two only one remains? Stone. PODDOHGDDIGHHISID-F-9D999-99GH9599 3.39 96+ WHO STAY S,~ intermission necessitates a severe draft on the physical Cc. C.N,, No. 14 Cedar street, Brooklyn. Tne coon 2 Teeources, Hurried in from Harlem, > ") Pret. Josh M. A. Long’ When William Cullen Bryant was editor of the Post, Perey—Who are the meanest people on earth? | @nd contributing a daily leading article to that paper, he| —Frarold—Who? { refused point-blank to furnish an occasional extra arti- Percy—Penmakers, | cle. “If I did #0 I should soon empty the keg,” sald he.| Harold—Why? | o> oo ment land, the President has assured Mr, Peasely that he has a claim against the United States as discoverer, WHEN THR waisTce ALows. oo GAn€ nan nomen Box OF GON- BONG AVERY BYENING 2 Returning to Pinkstring to ome discuss See Macaulay's daily output covered less than two pages of | guy Don't Mey make vou steel pene and ciatm they do , Fee eeaeton SARC toes! baby, Semeel Sine MS foolscap paper written in a large hand. Mr, Bell did a No, 120 Hast One Hundred and Eleventh street, 2 Oh, the bank accounts will flatten when, in little old Manhattan, 3 Pete, who sneertngly seid that It was “up to Ola Bil to ' Jy > dally column of small type to begin with before attend- Capttred by a New Member. ‘ The Cooks, in solid phalanx, form a Union of their own, ecover @ ketshap iarecinea tS ren | eee eoeay le. Rn nae : | On tho boycotted householder they will flash the frigid shoulder, 7 ite. Benny Biome IY “seeanea begpacrnizy His economy of minutes, as it turned out, meant a Why is a locomotive ks a nan? Becr use it smokes and) ¢ 4 ‘ 4 | 2. whistles when It goes out, ‘ And they'll rule the Realm Domestic from a culinary throne. Butte. Such is the strenuous life in the Western Wonder- > ra %, fatal extravagance of work. A laborer worthy of his PRANK VAN COLLN, No, 408 Past Seventy-fourth strest. $24499-9OG-669O8099O909OGHF-4H40OQHHGHOGD, GF-HEHOHVHHOOHHOHDHHODSIDHOODH VO VOGOHOSEDGOHESOHHHPGHOSD | land, ROY L. M'CARDELL, we Qos: ) Bire is called on by the dictates of duty to accomplish @ full and earnest day's work. His obligation to his employer thus discharged, it 1s no less his duty to him- The Water Witch— By M. M. Williams. a eee ON THE EVENING WORLD PEDESTAL. @elf to keep in condition by proper relaxation, A Treasure Hunt That Cupid Engineered. ANSWERS. ¥ PROTECTING PUBLIC RIGHTS. (Copyright, 1908, by Daily sory Pu. Co.) Heving in dreams!” sald, springing up, but Marcia had “Old Jack Sidney's mind didn't wander aA uni Rut Nat aul Omen: The refusal of nine Brooklyn men to pay an extra D very muea tke to know.) Loder Thumps from a heavy staff made both |vanished, Louise did not come up with |ef he was @o nigh dead! He told his t Peery ear-fare where, as they contended, a transfer should be | sald, standing on tiptoe to see her {start up and look toward the open |her until she had reached the door of |nurse—old Granny Laice—and eaid he'd | To the the Biltor of The Wrening Wor! ‘s waist in the mantel mirror, “why {Kitchen door, A elim man, travel-worn. |the crib, where Marcia was snapping |ha‘nt her, shore as ever she tried to cit] J read the query as to whether it 1 welwrsses dared ter tell |Unlucky to break @ looking-giask. Of given them, is not of far-reaching consequence. * vane a nthe links of-thell hie money, @he'd never {t is that things are—as they are?’ with @ curfously wrinkled face, stood |the big padlock through the Iinks of the money. rears But it ts important as a symptomatic indication of the; “Aas, for example—wh Mareta |th gazing intently at them, He/hoavy chain. The crib was of loga, with a water witch |course It Is, because one must repli ly ov It 1s Juet as unlucky (therefore, untor- extent to which tho public 1s now called on to look tojaueried from the depths of her cushions [leaned upon a thorn cudgel and waved [boards natled crazily over the wide |is match for any ghost Gponts! ‘The ile 8 A at sear ts own efforts for the correction of abuses and the in-|0" the shabby couch, Loulse whirled |!n the other hand ‘@ slender, forked [cracks af it. It had stood empty for s(x |{dear! I'd like to see one okee fupsiah: be rene lok peeseme ne 2 Aisdaintuily about, spreading out her |"and. Without preamble he «ald: “I'm |monehs, but there was still a litter of | “Would you!" auld @ sepuichral voice, |t0 Drosk & watch, Ry Seen stitution of reforms. The relation of corporations to/sdriy with thumb and finger, and at {Henry ‘Tye, the water wita—my rod |huske over the puncheon floor. Anyjand something rose im the doorway. |thing of value. their customers, the public, !s now such that no favor |jast making @ fine oheese upon the Moor |never falls—and I've come hero to find jsound within it, even the siightest ae spperition wae eevee det: ia, Born ie es aniites ve {old man Sidney's money for ye—tf you'll !breathing of @ sleeper, was plainly {all overflowing w1 with To the Editor of The Evening World: is ‘Aaa see % ee 18 Gemany: and oye eee, “ie Answered) ‘with ® Pisintive | creo Oesorehand co gine Gale 1 and” faudible ouside, Marcle ete up ter |ceath's tesa’ wavering st the| “wynat lo’ tw ees o¢ Hohert witkatm Nights are withheld until thelr concession ts forced. “Oh, all things! Fverything—but most |. TH# sisters looked at each other—they |hand, aaying warily: “Listen! It's aa |top and long, outstretched arms.| mons, the pugilist? M. CAMPBBLL. ‘That is the reason why we have West Side Transit La ie eae ite sag Bly mos" thad heard weird tales of the water {quiet as death. There is nobody Inside, |The wax candles upon the mantel, which No Universal Legal Ho! ‘Associations and Vigilance Committees of One Hundred pear Cai wt trock to| "Heh and hia powers. Various folk had |T have come too late.” be rant acre] ee mete ‘Tr tho Willer at The Pens Wer! an wonelielne ,. hid Already besought them to employ him,| ‘Let us go back—at once!’ Louise |#¢0! to flare urn blue ¢| Has the United States any national seein iui) cpponliiah se porperation gaacrnly [eee meee ie SON ce: fa petty but they had held aloof, constrained by |said. Marcia clutched her arm, Both | Waving of the arms and the words: | pouday? JOHN B. te J rn y Clubs and | cle “ owe ‘ Meichants' Associations are needed. That is why it Is |Stablishment! 1 call tt downright To the Biltor of The Wreving Wort! the parting caution of Ene'gn Ralston, |heard plainly the sound of a window |“Would yout Then die—it you dare Swaravasina who had, while on #hore leave, 40 his sronsing up—the window HAL ies inte pete 1 At once! It ls Miler at The Mevelag Werk, necessary to send delegations to Albany to preven nel a8 a 4 , [Own satisfaciion, at least, proved the | their eleeping-room. ‘t opened on the - How long We T peeved lagtalation, " Renin cane ae AUBREY NDS Peak TAR UIDs, Mies a ally ft |tellow a rand and a thief, But Ensign [back piazza and had no better protec-) With & wild, scrambling bound re to whip Terry McGovern in thelr first) ublii 3 Marcia sald, eftting up and rumplng |RAW@ton was at tho other side of the {tion than ramehackle Venetian bitnds, (went out of the window, ekIne | battle? JOSEPH J. ‘Public sentiment that Brooklyn citizens band together to | Marc HO oth heed EPL NA |plobe—winter and the shadow of actual!Hand tn hand they crept toward It, [loudly as the went. At the eame Instant Tebuke mashing. ays aie pea henas BN nie auld want near and pressing. rembling all over, and peered within, [the candles were extinguished and the never a rock to Wear a Dress , wt . | Te the EdMor ef The Prentng World: 1 vigilance is still the price of liberty, It isithings," ee ran on. “And she'd come | Phy compromised by telling him they |turning suddenly faint, They saw Tye, | window shut behind him, That a Las ‘What is the proper attire for a young still necessary for a communi to watch its | conte rearyiry * t a latin it 4 tell would decide in the morning. He re-|without the dark jantern, but with even |!ess, however—he did not look back, nor, man to marry in for an evening (church) i ie ie Sah Heaney and Uuele 3 Pig an wn |tred to the adjacent corn crib for the {a wickeder knife. He had barred the {{adeed, stop running until he was miles wedding? F.C... dealously if they are to be safeguarded. The fact that |¥* Were to find Uncle Jack's money night jdoor securely, but left the window wide, |away. find it more aggravating than even your | ‘this For /this should be s0 does not indicate a form of govern- ww Improv ‘Transfer System. | Louise and Marcia eat up late that|As they watched ho toesed the bed-| While he ran Louise and Marcia un- invitation te ‘ , f tag World Ment to which we can point with all possible pride. heaping hunger, thinat and. ankednour, (RRS although they’ could uot afferd to lelothes to the middie of the room, mut [swathed themmelves from the sheets "We all hope ther the final dectsion ee re di And yet know that somewhere abouc /J&2t the wax candles in the tal! old tering: "I'm most glad the fine ladies thas hed mmo TT tore by street railway companies thin ramghackle ald place there's enough [*tic%:, They talked in low wiilapers, now |took skeered and run erway—to the |them seem one ereature, ung down shel (oUt oo Ob ea Controlied by them MODERN FUNNY MEN, peal ory Tai S loagerly, now soeptioally, of what the |neighbors, most likely. Bf they wus here |broomatick with the black mask on the Poy ininhnge Nery sere! lmorrow might bring forth, but no fear I'd Jest have ter slit their weasands.” [end of It and sat, sobbing and trembling, tl 0 affect that corporation mis- fas ‘ 4 Tm the public library catalogues you may notice the| “Don't talk about it!’ Loulse said, \touched them until they had laid down | AJ) the while he was straining et the |hand looked in hand, until cheery dey- : a called the Brooklyn Rapid ‘Transit Com- heading “‘Ldterature, Including Humor.” The|{rpping her face in her hands, It |to sleep. Sleep woul not come. After |maasive four-poster, ‘wrenching at the |Mght struggled into the room. ; Th . was cruel in him—if papa did take away jay hour of twleting and turning Marcia ved headboard and running his fin- then gathered up the spilled | Five ‘sransfers he Nassau y man is now coming into his own and receiving the his eweetheart--to put that pot of gold lenrang up, saying; “I have got to dolgera along the curves of it. Presently |gold and looked eystematically for more. | fines from the old Brooklyn rosd ana a Fecoguition long denied him, Where we know we never could find it. lgomething. ‘The minute I shut my eyes |a rusty spring clicked laggardly. With| All told, they found just $20,000. ‘Though | Vice versa, batt, i PAB A matter of fact is not his work the Lest literary | We've looked and looked for It—dug up| seo that man creeping, creeping |manine strength he tugged and tore free {Louise mised ¢hat particular house Maveb qe “ that we have—the saving salt of literature,” as|t!® Whole garden and orchard, and half! through the window with a dark lan- | the @olid mahogany. Fingering It down, |party, she had all the frocks she wanted | To ee rast Tm ger ‘or! n calls it? The premium which the Puri-|PUled down the house—and found just 0 ? if K he moni! a 4 tern and a wicked knife open in his |he attacked the poste, straining at the |¢or later ones, Sunday fall in 18727 eed Ragter Next, children, on our Pedestal, one Spanith doubloon." nd." upper ha. of them, until they ylelded | And when, by and by, Endign Ralston Preaenctaiior, ‘Gene Philbin please observe— Seriousness kept humor below par; it is now| “I believe,” Marcia aald, lowering her| “Do be quiet!” Louise implored, grudgingly to bis impulse. As he lifted [came home there was a wedding in the i sepa agd ne Datective Dé ite true value. volee and looking fearfully over her!aarcia went on, huddling on her clothes. joff the ret of them the watchers saw {old farm-house, now no more desolate, | Fo the Aditor of The Evening ‘The marvellous Detective Man ehoulder, “if we had kept that to dr As she set hand to the doorlatoh ete |roleaux of gold rain down upon the |Of course, she had gifts galofe, but she fry ‘i Who hit upon the daring plan re crete + et ding t we might have Janis hushedly: ‘I'm going vo lock thm |floor. ‘The posts were hollowed out, top |eeemed to- prise Marcia'e ‘most of all, % ‘neath his slouthtul, ani © resi 6 ? jn. Don't care how mad he ls when he bottom, In them Uncle Jack bad jalthough it wae only a “Pah! You superstitious gooseyt” |ainds tt out.” ‘grimly secreted bie hoard, The Ander |paper welgbt carved in sald brevely, “The idea of be- |) "Wall 5 aust go with you," Louies |mave-e shrieking ghuckle, saying aloud; tn. Hy shiva ak ue PO ca