The evening world. Newspaper, March 16, 1903, Page 10

‘by Row, New York. Entered at the Post-Ofice at New York as Second-Class Mall Matter. LUME 48. or -& MOMENTOUS BEGINNING. | The selection of an electrical engineer to provide an ‘with plans and specifications, of the cost of a } gleotrie light’ plant gives evidence of Mayor Low's of purpose in his antagonism to the Lighting .NO,. 18,182. absence of delay in making a beginning is an ex- it Mugury. It reyeals an energy that promises gas consuniers from the overcharges and extor- {of @ monopoly too long endured. “Mr. Lacombe’s general figures and the lesson of i: etpal ownership in Chicago and Detroit sufficiently Be: “that it is entirely feasible to equip and maintain @ectric lighting plant with an economy that will saving in lighting-bills « considerable item of ment. Mr, Cary Hutchinson's figures will show more {n> detail and furnish a definite basis nearly exact estimate. | great point is the good beginning. It ts impor- meaning more than the mere reduction of mu- pal lighting bills. It means the abrupt enaing by ty Of @ monopoly’s Influence, and by consequence greater, if remoter, relief of the entire commu- p this humbling of the gas and electric monopoly. the light of the city’s action toward municipal ip the Trusi can no longer continue the policy mtortion which has made it odious. It would inevi- ‘tably invite the further step of entire municipal owner- Ship of the lighting utilities. : TENDERLOIN CAPTAINS. Sheehan, Walsh, O'Rellly—the procession of Tender- foin police captains moves on, O'Reflly now giving place 0 O'Connor. ‘The captains come and go, but the Tenderloin goes on ever. They arrive in the zeal of a new enthusiasm, {s- gue thelr, manifestoes and secure a brief attention from the dive-keepers cannily taking their measure. But the Giecovery is soon forced upon them that the oc.ditions ‘Gre too firmly established for reform; there !s an unseen infiuence—an influence of vested vice—which they cannot “Move. If the captain is a S'ecehan he makes frank con- fession of incapacity and asks to be retired. The less ‘sensitive captain awaits the sure order of removal from ‘Headquarters. * What is there in Tenderloin conditions that defeats ‘Whe captains? Men who have “cleaned up” the Oak Gtreet precinct or the Eldridge street red-light region go #the Thirticth street station, only to find their ~eform- futile. There were few better records than c in his downtown post; there is “no reflection eed his removal. But he has not met the re- | aft ta, and he has hed to go, his brave promises of ‘ left as little performed as The Evening World they would be. mwe to look for the same continuous performance “ee manitesto, fiasco and failure in his successor? IMAGINARY AILMENTS. “The main trouble with the man who 1s his own doctor o difficulty of correct diagnosis, Is that pain in the region a symptom of valyular heart dsease or “obly of flatulence? Is the ache in the right side due to a gastric disturbance or is {t a dread premonitory indicating appendicitis? amateur doctor takes counsel of his fears and the worst. But he rarely makes so remarkable ‘as the Presbyterian missionary who journeyed ~ @000 long and costly miles from Brazil to New York to @igeover that the cancer which was eating into his jaw fn dlcerated tooth! A little spraying with cocaine, ‘Application of a dentist's forceps, and presto! a new ‘with a new lease of lite! are few forms of knowledge on which the hu- mind 1s so fallible as regarding bodily ailments. Ps average man pays an attention to his aches and “wholly out of proportion to their significance. An r mn of apprehension distorts and magnifies an portant allment into a disease from which only a if can relieve him. The mere perusal of the D enumerated in a medical advertisement brings = conviction that the same malady inflicts him. nf ¥ wre, is the best of all remeriies, the prescription of common fe the very one to which he does not have recourse. we could all take to heart the experience of the . Waddell with his bad tooth we could credit that » with missionary work not less renowned than bringing the Brazilian heathen into the church. hack dmaginary invalid needs a special personal ex- yee adapted to his own requirements to turn him of 1. » fears. HIGH-PRICED LITERATURE. k of the old-time literary man is to recall Mil+ . selling “Paradise Lost” for a song and to picture the lomderous Dr. Johnson perspiring over ‘“‘Rasselas” to pay mother’s funeral expenses in a Grub street attic. ‘Nhe “literary feller’: ines have fallen in pleasanter ; he has opportunity between editions to lle on the of amaranth and moly which the publisher prepares him. H to-day, for instance, is Dr. Conan Doyle receiv- . word for 120,000 words. Yesterday it was " with his $40,000 contract with a New York house. In the wind-swept literature of yes- io “Bben Holden,” “Janice Meredith,” “The sia,” ever in Kipling, there were nothing like these rn prices. They compare in altitude with Mr. Erles Dana Gibson's $1,000 pen sketches, “$i ® word the “ands” and “buts” and “ofs” and of ® paragraph are prodigious in wealth-making Mr. Herbert Spencer says that in making on of his works he cut out nearly 15,000 bof minor importance, Dr. Doyle, we apprehend, Y ve | be prompted to practise a similar economy of It would prove to be boundless extravagance. handising of literature the monetary value ie regulated by the market demand, and ie’ Work on that basis 1s doubtless worth the eusfmist may be led to ask if there ts any d popular authors who is writing for Que of them who will be vead by the Is there one who bas developed a lit- g a oF Sat? relief to the city and ultimate relief for the in-| ‘> €0996O-445-00845-040O040OO90O994009904OO4OOO9495390D0 OPES1G9DIGIEDEDODDOODDOREDDDOAGDIDOEDODDEDDDDDE DED DOODOIDONSDD DOD 6646440006 ° DDOTEE SODHOTGOOEHEES: 9S99® O93S00OS 9999900000 THE OLD JOKES’ HOME, By Roy L. McCardell. HE above picture hardly does the 8 T P. C. H, badges justice, ‘They ar handsomely embossed in four colors, Thoap desiring badges must indlose a two-cent stamp, Address Prot, Josh M. A. Long, the Old Jokes’ Home, RE you wearing a badge? Are you dolng your share of the good work? Are you alding In keeping the blue am- bulanve busy? Are you assisting in keeping the old chestnut horse on the gallop? Have you joined the # growing and glorious Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Humor? Are you anxious to become a vigilant and efficient officer of the soctety and take worn-out waggeries into custody and send them to the Old Jokes’ Home, where they may have the protection of that peerless philanthropist, Prof, Josh M, A. Long, and the actentifio skill of the famous physiclan, Old Dr, Lemon- osky? If you have not sent for a badge do @0 at once, But a limited number now remains. Brought in by the blue ambulance Brought in by Ambulance. Prof, Josh M, A. Long: Why {9 it easy to break into an old man's house? Because his gait ts broken and his locks are few. When {a a soldier charitable? When he promote arms. AROLD GREENTHAT, No. 175 West Elghty-firat street. An Initial Effort, Prof, Jow ML. A. Long: “What ta invisible blue?" “A polloeman when he is wanted.” “Why js the letter ‘K' Uke a pig's tall" “Because It's at the end of pork.” “How do you spe}l blind pix with two letters?" “P—g without an 1." “Which are the two kings that reign. in America?" “Smo-king and soa-king."? “If a hen laid an orange what would] § her chickens say?" "Oh, look at the orange mar-ma- lade” “1 see they can't play ‘Quo Vadis’ any more?” "Because the Beet Trust bought the| § bull.” A. E. 6, No. M Pine street, In the Conundrum Cells, Prot, Josh M. A. Long To the Old Jokes' Home for these: Can you tell what ts the difference be- tween a woodpecker and a peck measure? Answer—One hokis a peck, the other pecks a hole, Why 1s Ssh a good brain food? Be- cause they are educated and go tn schools, CAN YOU GUPaS? I have not got It, I don't want it, but if 1 did have 11 I would not sell it fora millon, Answer—A bald head. Miss JULIA CAHILL, No, 18 St. Luke's Place, From Ofer Ob: r Prof. Jom M. A, Long I back horses, I backed a horse yes- terday and it cost me $0. How was that? 1 backed him Into @ plate-glass win- Permanence? Are not the vooks both, and appealing only to « transient re en- with tho newspapers of the came |” I think {t's going to rain, How do you know? I feel the obange in my pooket. My wife bought two canary birds and caller them Wheeler and Wilson; the Cunnlest part of it was that neither one @ them wae 4 Singer, Gut you couldn't | blame both Doraestics SOOO HSE > DSDOIVHHOD 449944 ——— $9606464008000000990H090000006000-060000000800000 $96004600640006000000000006 Some of the Best Jokes of the Day. EVENING THERE'S: THE SCRAPPIE SISTERS FIND THAT TALK IS NOT ALWAY NEIGHBOR HOTFOOT DIGGIn'FOR, HIS TRAI| IN LE GIVE I) ar' Me \ BUT IN HIS FRANTIC EFFORT TO MAKE UP LOST TIME THE: GASOLINE TANK BLEW UP = HASTY AFTERTHOUGHT, “Policeman,” dressing the oMcer who was guarding the muddy crossing, eaid thi me"— Here he slipped and fell, “——to the noarest place,’ he contine ued, gathering himself up and survey- {ng his solled garments, “where the clean clothes?'—Chioage ‘Dribane, Press, bagged eo stranger, ad “ean you direct AN IMPOSTOR, When A Chicago man travelled all the way to Boston to get held up and sand- he goes back he will probably be boycotted for not patron taing home tnduatries—St, Paul Pioneer IN DRUG-STORE LATIN, eee Paysty “What are you hunting for in the dig- onary, my sont’ ‘What is the Latin for ‘wink?’ " re. plied young Koillidge, % “Spiritus frumentt'! neid the old|bend over and gi Abscmt-mindegly. — Phils) alpala old Kollidgy, d5494$460$98OOSO9090044 | P. S$ CHEA GOOD mornine! Jump RIGHT IN AND ELL GET You i THE FINISH OF O'REILLY. . ite] SEE they have sent Capt. O'Reilly back to @& woods from the Tenderloin,” remarked the,C} Store Man. “Back t> the brownstone fronts, the dinky clea stores, the corner gin-mills and the dressmaking pam . |lors,” said the Man Higher Up. “I saw O'Reilly's finish) as plain as dye on a mustache as soon as they sent him) up to Thirtieth street. The game there was too compli cated for Miles. If he got back to Ralph avenue with hig overcoat and his German silver timepiece he is luckies than Rip Van Winkle. “The Tenderloin to O'Reilly was as strange a distrie® as it is to a tourist from Cohoes or Kankakee on hig first visit to town, b'gosh. Commissloner Partridge, be ing wise to O'Reilly from Brooklyn and knowing him fog »|@ policeman who would refuse real money, started himy in at Oak street and told him to clean things up, + “O'Reilly thought he had things cleaned up. Hw » | went to work with all the conscientious attention a: bling? man might exercise in scrubbing a floor, and when he went out the precinct was in about the same condition ag @ floor would be after it was scrubbed by a blind man, The trouble with O'Rellly was that he was a come-on. “Up in the Tenderloin he lined himself against the wisest lot of cops who ever forgot to pay for a drink, They looked him over and sized him right from the sodm card, and they were right clear down to hock. He bes, Heved what they told him, and it wasn't Itke it used te be in the old days when a captain knew everything tha came off. ‘The cops got the graft and O'Reilly got the privilege of making explanations. “Some of these days a Police Commissioner is gofap to slide to the fact that the Tenderloin is somewhat of @ safety-valve of the town. When such a Commissiones) ~ | happens he will send a captain to West Thirtieth street $ who will devote his attention to seeing that people are 8 not robbed. He will have all the crooks spotted, and as! ga @s a crook makes a false move he will put the kis bosh on the crook, “There are captains in the Police Department who! could do this, but the Commissioners we have been hay- ing lately don’t seem to know it. The new man in th Tenderloin may be all right. They tell me he writes @ beautiful hand. If he has got enough asbestos in hig’ backbone to protect the people who go into the White! Light section to enjoy themselves that is all the people will ask of him, “Under O’Reill: Joints, panel fui ee Ferien ahi Tne el man didn't know anything about them, The gambling- houses remained open and the thieves who had becom@ scared before moved back to the old corners, “Inspector Brooks gets called down for not getting, cops into the gambling-houses, Why, the average cop wouldn't know a faro layout from a prayer rug. ; Nob} ore than 5,000 of the 7,000 men on the force ever played| anything more strenuous than seven-up or forty-five, Halt of the rest of them have eat in penny-ante £4600-00069 | Same, and the balance are qualified to tell a house if they happen to butt into it, The men in balance are so ‘git t’ell outa here’ in their way that gambler who ever saw @ policeman could spot them they were in skirts. “I'm glad that O'Reilly has got back where he rest. There are plenty of dice games for the cigars he can pull over in the Ralph avenue precinct, and will be close enough to home to allow of going to hig bed every night. It doesn't make much difference’ te! the Ronneetoln P80. ei it ups behind the green Tinttet| “Do you think O'Reilly got anything out of derloin?” asked the Cigar-Store Man. the Ti “He was lucky to get a transfer!” replied the Maw Higher Up. a\iceake (shia: amiuniog tur eta A HUNTER’S PARADISE. Dumber of pleves of thin wood, cach} gamaiiiand, In Basten Africa, has long been looked one three or four inches jong, half 82] ay q sportaman's paradise. All through the country are {ach wide and not much thicker) rerous. lions, leopards and hyenas, The lions follow than the wood of a olger box. Arrange! nerds of the natives in thelr movements over the p them as in the picture, pivot them with} 4, @ protection amainat them the Somalia when em & shor nali with = large head, aod] ongtruot a mareba, or thick fence made of arrange the dragon (made out of a ows. large place of thin wood) as shown, | Mz® the Chicago News. inte thie che OH DEAR ME! ; LWONT BE:LATE, ARE NOD SURE | WONT MiSs My TRAIN? I'D BET- TERGET OUT AND WALK. =) TAKE AWAY 1 THEM CLocks!y)4 $999O9954$00O94O006369 > AND NOW POOR HOTFQOT HAS STRANGE VISIONS, e WINTER EVENING GAMES, Here are some fine games for n party, One in called “court.” Have all leave the room except two, Get a rug, me- | dium sized, on the floor, and have one of the “officials” go to the door with a handkerchief and blindfold the pris- | oner, Lead the prisoner to the edge of the rug. Haye the other “official” back of rug. The first one charges the pria- oner with theft of some object, and at the end asks “Are you guilty or not guilty?’ Of course the answer will be “Not gullty.” As the prisoner says this, have the “oMctal’ in back of rug wently draw it. ‘This makes the one standing on rug fall down on knees, which the “official” claims is absolute proof of guilt. “Poor Puss” is a fine game if played y ha! The trick ts to take two corners of a handkerchief, one in each hand, and tle & knot tn it without letting go of either eng and without tleing @ hand tn the t. : ndigeroh! correctly, The girls all remain seated, void your po in ‘ie oe eae and the boys go around the room with hald of ono secret $e bananas eget ewe ee and atter tm the flagers of band, 4 ‘ =p the apposite cars| hat, my pretty pure to. Which "yung" ee S eaiiias cit 6 [ner with the och