The evening world. Newspaper, March 11, 1903, Page 10

Shee ee .~NO, 18,177. TO CHECK GAS FRAUDS, sioner Monroe, “in view of the many com-| « ts now being made as to the pressure, illuminating and quality of the gas furnished to private con-| ‘ rs,” finds it ‘imperative that his department should erly equipped to make any inspections at any| ‘ and any place.” has therefore asked tho Board of Aldermen for| ‘ ation of $51,000 to cover the cost of installing | ‘ ible photometric stations on wagons and employing fchief and fifteen assistant testers. ‘This equipment will enable the department to make « It will give its Inspections al ‘ and thoroughness not previously possible with the| | whenever desired. ted facilities at command and the lack of funds. As ‘resuit'of the Commissioner's commendable activity in Fesponse to the popular protest voloed by The Evening| « World, and in connection with the participating action of President Fornes and Corporation Counsel Rives, “The consumers of gas in Greater New York for the i ‘first time in the history of the metropolis are promised ion against the extortions of the gas companies. Relief which could never be obtained from Albany is ‘now in sight from the concurrent action of city of- prompted by the exposures of existing and Jong- continued abuses made by The Evening World. _ ©ommissioner Monroe’s action is accompanied by " fécommendations regarding changes in the charter. changes to be of real value to the gas-consuming public must provide for the infliction of: heavier pen- alty than the existing inadequate one of $100. They ‘must also abolish the present restraining provision by Which it is necessary to convict a company of three ty may be inflicted. __ While these provisions remain in force the public is _ left helpless against extortion in spite of the most zealous SUNDAY THEATRICALS. > ~ One of the avowed objects of the Actors’ Church Wliance, to whose initiative the wholesale Sunday night ‘@rrests for illegal theatrical performances were due, 1s to “put an end to all Sunday concerts throughout the entire country.” To carry out this high moral purpose consistently will necessitate an attempt by the society to e@bolish the Sunday night concerts at the Metropoll- tan Opera-House, and the outcome of the attempt will @waited with eager expectation. Or will it be held that the lew discriminates? « ’ Regarding the interruption of the Turn Verein op- Sretta it te not diMoult to get the turners’ point of view _ in looking upon the police interference as arbitrary and “Uncalled for. It was an amateur performance that had ‘wilful intention of violating the sanctity of the Sabbath. - Tt wap an invitation affair, the only money passing being ‘that comprised in the slight fee paid for the care of hats % wraps. To compel the abandonment of the even- entertainment under penalty of arrest may have n entirely in accordance with the law, but does the tatute contemplate euch interference with innocent ee of HBebove picture hardly does the 8. P. C, H. badges justice, They are handsomely embossed in four colors. ‘Those desiring badges must inclose a two-cent stamp. Address Prof. Josh M. A. Long, the Old Jokes’ Home. HERE are nomo persons so sceptical that they doubt the existence of the great and growing Gociety for the Prevention of Cruelty to Humor, They would deny there !s such an Institution as the Old Jokes’ Home; they do not be- Hove there is any Prof. Josh M. A. Long; they think there 1s no Blue Ambulance, no old chestnut horse, and thet we are not giving away badges and appointing all persona applying (who are of good en character and between the ages seven and seventy) offcers of the Fi P. C. H, and giving them a badge! It 19 this sort of people, who will not believe the bright, the beautiful and true, who buy ‘gold pricks," invest In. “green goods’ and eend their money to “get-rich-quick” wii ‘There ie a Soclety ¢or the Prevention of Cruelty to Humor. ‘There 4s an Old Jokes’ Home. There is @ Prot. Joah M. A. Long, tte Superintendent. ‘There 1s a Blue Ambutanoe and an old chestnut horse, We are giving away 8. P.C.H. badges, “amusements? The Alliance's spokesman, the Rev. Dr. Moran, plumes himself on the achievement of securing the en- forcement by the reform administration of blue laws Which the laxer Van Wyck government more wisely ~Teft in abeyance. It cannot be alleged that political ex- dictates their enforcement whatever may be _- paid of the moral improvement secured thereby, FOOTBALL AND LEARNING. i It is not to be supposed that the agitation of the foot- ian question at Harvard means, as has been conjec- tyred, the abolition of the annual game with Yale. Buch-a decision would call for sackcloth and ashes for the university's various thousands of undergraduates, * What the Athletic Committee has in mind is a change ‘et the tactics by which in football the attack is directed ‘against the weakest spot on the opposing eleven,’ From ‘this strategy results the “brutal gladiatorial contest’ _fito which the game has degenerated both in the col- Jeges and in the schools where the college precedent is Followed out to the letter. To abolish the game Itself is not contemplated; to do #0 would be to deprive the college curriculum of one of } most advantageous courses. Herbert Spencer has @ that “As vigurous health and {ts accompanying 5 bie spirits are larger elements of happiness than any things whatsoever, the teaching how to maintain is a teaching that should yleld in moment to no ee whatever.” In college sports better than by any + other form of exercise this teaching 1s secured. For the ‘ass of students, granting that the main benefit of a course is to provide the graduate with physical (88 well as mental fitness for his life work, it would be a preater gain to do away with Greek than with football, The human anima! attains no higher development ‘than in the college athlete, If with his sound body he Yhas only » modicum of “brains” he 1s better equipped ‘success than the pale student who quits college fsically teeble because of laborious study at the ex- of fresh air. A suggestive list of men great in lines of achlevement reprinted In the Sunday from the Nineteenth Century showed in all the 66 of a regular school training, but the very im- presence of the sound body that made possible Pemptations—In its argument against the child- ‘DIL the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Anakes the point that "The evils of viclous and Piyed association and the tendency to moral degenr #0 which street children are subjected are certainly ‘dn the case of newsboys than In that of those urchins who have no occupation to engage of thelr time.” It is a point. well tak: The temptations which beset the ne whom lack of occupation gives the fr: And of the docks and freight yards there is hat while idleness in turning the attention Send in a two-cent atamp for one, Other Towns Than Ours, Prof. Jouh M. A. Long: ‘What are the two greatest engineering feats? Macon (making), Georgia, and Wheeling, West Virginia, ‘The greatest surgical operation? Lansing (lancing), Michigan, J. M. H, Four Flushes from Flushing. Prof. Joab M. A. Long: Please put these in the refrigerator no they can keep cool: Pat—Phoy have these ferryboats a bow at both ends? wan’st, of coorse, ‘What relation 1s @ doorstep to a door mat? A atep farther. When were walking sticks first in- vented? When Eve presented Adam with a Uttle Cain, Why do all bank cashlers run to Can- ada? Beoause that's the only place (To-ron- to) to run to. WM, lL. SHANNON, 2 Farrington street, Flushing, Prof, Josh M. A. Long: Please send the Blue Ambulance for these: When ts love deformed? on one side, What is the goat stealer's song? "O Nanny, wilt thou gang ut me?" What was the longest day of Adam's life? ‘The day on which there was no Bye, Why was Moses supposed to wear a wig? Because he was sometimes seen with Aaron (hair on) and sometimes When ft ts Mike—So they can go both ways at] mp like an od- atinate donkey? Because the more you Mok it the more it aticks 1, H. HARRI No, 818 Hast 61st street. Prof, Josh M. A. Long Please store these Jokes in some com- fortable corner of your home: Why 1s @ mouse like @ load of hay? Because the cat'll eat tt, Why 1s "B" the moat of letters? Because tt 1s never in cash, alwaya in debt and never out of dang ARTHUR A. ENGST) No, 4% Atlantic avenue, proowyn, Prot, Jouh M.A. Lon if you haye the Ilue Ambulance handy » send for this old cne: Where did you spend your vacation?” was at Niagara Falls for two weeks “1a that place runoing yet?" ROY M'LEOD, South Amboy. Whene Are “Flaky! sa Long 1 went into # restaurant th and ordered a light lunch unfortunate Prot, J other day walter clousneds the other finds his mind filed ot his small business venture. He has Herma leas tnolination for evil pursuits. Baalire Announcement Lrought me @ candle and match. I followed the en night, which Was smoke!" to # fire last in @ church, “Holy brother re Sena week ona eel, ania SOLEMNIZATION >B-2DDDOLODO4-0-00-096084624000006054 60000000 wt AN UP-TO-DATE HEART-DRAMA - DISSIPATION SEPARATION MR. CHESTY «KNOWS IT ALL;” WITH THE USUAL RESULTS. OFFICER, AHEM, sad Se | FEEL Iv is MY. OUTY TD €ALL YouR ATTENTION To YONDER FEAR HE: IS THAT HE HAS, BECOME TEMPORARILY DERANGED..| SUGGEST ‘THAT YOU PLACE HIM UNDER ARREST, PADHOOS INDIVIDVAL. 1 INSANE a — HIS ACTIONS wouLo DENOTE THAT HE {S EITHER MENTALLY YNBALANCED OR = AHA! AT LAST 1 REMEMBER! OMETHING ON MY MIND, ITS THE LETTER my WIFE GAVE ME To 1 KNEW THERE WAS, BDLDIGLSHHF-HO00H99H096H506O06006H0G-9000O © 600H6196600000O0G006: 2929009999990 ™ 9099930 $O99949999090909990909% ® 6-5 DPGOIEHIOGHOHGHHHHHHIHHHHS Some of the Best Jokes of the Day. AN OLD CUSTOM. Stubbs—They will soon have the un- denground trolley cars in Naw York. . The trot- arrying people un- | ai they were invented, | —Chicago News. THE NEXT MOVE. “Now, President Roosevelt's letter.” remarked the Womanly Woman, ‘should make us think," Yea," replied the self-centred society woman, "I've been thinking how nice it would be if we could only start a movement (o make storks faonable for hat trimmings."'—Philadelphia Press. HOUSEHOLD ECONOMY, Mrs, Ferguson—George, when you amoke 60 much in the house I have to #et the curtains washed every month Think Now expensive that is. Mr, Ferguson—Yes, but I'm getting my cigars at half price nowadays, Think how much money we're eaving that way, —Chicago Tribune HOW TO WORK IT, “Which would you rather nh: asked, ‘fame or @ fortune?’ her,” he replied, “have the Then 1 could get caught in a anbling resort and my fame ” 0 Record whe would Herald. THE RIGHT WAGON. Returned Fighter—And as 1 was being ed away in the ammunition wagon Listener—Don't you mean the ambu- lance wagon? ‘o, air; T wae no oy put me in the ammunition wagon—THt Bh JN THE FAR WEST, ow. ay wae that hoiel keeper so angry te advance agent of ‘Uncle Tome Querled the tourist in Bagie ohly wanted to let iat "tate enenbere were Cut out of cardboard and color the Agure of the dancer and fasten it by one foot with eealing wax to the head of a large needle, the point of which is stuck in @ cardboard circle as close as possible to the edge. Out of @ larger piece of cardboard cut @ clroular hole of just twice the diameter of the first card. if the small card {# placed within the hole in the lange one and made to roll around its edge it will be seen that the needle And the figure move In e etraight line along & diameter of the large circle and that the dancer turn completely round once during each complete trip back and | !ett forth, If 4 thread Js stretched just be- hind the figure on @ level with her toes whe will appear to be dancing to and fro — Mu Th general the line (celled @ hypooy- lod) which described ty @ point in Bee Se ne A PRETTY PARTY TRICK, The old-fashioned clay pipe hag a little knob on the underside of the stem, near the bowl, What this is for no one seems to know, and perbaps if you have such @ pipe to blow bubbles with you | Wil want to get rid of the useless knob 4S goon as piBsible, Now, If you try to knock it off with « hammer you will probably smash th pipe and leave the knob fast to the big geet fragment. The proper way |s to ask a friend to insert his finger into the bowl and to hold the pipe with the stem slightly inclined and the mouth end rest. ing on ® smooth table. Then lay an iron rod or @ plece of pipestem two or three inches long on the table so that it points to and along the stem of the pipe and projects @ lit- fle beyond the edge of the table, ‘Then strike the short rod or pipestem emartly with your hand and send it over the table until it strikes the knob and knocks it off. You may not succeed the first time, but keep on until you do. It is easier than it looks, and makes « very pretty parior trick. — THE SKETCHING GAME, For this every one must be supplied with paper and pencil, On the paper a sketch representing nome very well-known inoldent, either Two knitting needles are attached to each other by two threads at their ends to form @ rectangle, On dipping into soapsuds and taking out by a third ‘thread attached to the upper needle the reotangie becomes filed with @ trans- parent film lime @ pane of glass. A fourth thread attached to the upright threads wilt embedded in the film in any postion in which it may hap- nm to fall, But st the film te broken Jow this thread. |t will be pulled up into a clroular arch ‘by the tension the contracting film above. in history or @ novel, must be drawn, |47u! no matter how badly, As oon os the etches are com- passes his to his , Hyg on the sketch, and also the thinks (t rep) eents on another oe of paper, Then the turns down the paper to cover his i? who examines it the soap fi wilt ie in tne poaition 4 in which dt mitt} nicked P tthe loop, wiven it at's oF ran 1200, en ‘at one becomes a p= es elie MYSTERIOUS 87. NEARLY-TRUE TALES—Il. Why { Wishes Don’t Come True Nowadays. By Roy L. McCardell. NCE upon a time a young magician who hadijust grade uated from the Wizards’ Institute and Conjurere™ College moved to a small town and hung upasign: / FIRST-CLASS MAGICIAN! Conjuring In All Its Branches At Reasonable Rates, Charms, Spells, Manifestations, Give Me A Trial. But tt was an old-fashioned town that belleved in witches, and the young magician found business very bad indeed, But for the fact he was a conjurer who could say “Hocus Pocus fillamadarum!"’ and change water Into coffee and mili, and make a fine dinner appear by rapping the table with his wand, he would have starved. Next door to his conjuring shop Ived a Mittle boy whose face was always clean, who always ato his crusts and nevep orled when he had to take castor ofl, and never, never asked for more ice cream when his ma had company and there was only enough to go around once. The young magician took @ great fancy to thealittie boy, whose name was Oswald, and one day he said to-him, “Te morrow all your wishes will come true!" In the morning Oswald was lato in arising. In'those days there was achool every day in the year. It was eany, in June, and es Oswald sprang from the bed saying “Sixi™ when he heard his father’s voloe he ran to the bureau and commenced to comb his hatr. He had long curly heir and the harder ho combed it the more tangled ét got. Just thes he heart the school bell ring and, forgetting about the magician and the wishes, he suddenly exclaimed; “Bother! 1 wish I hadn't any hair!"* it * apg, ‘The next instant his head wes as bald as anostricirers. | He ran down stairs in fright with his cap over his ears and his mother exclaimed: ‘You'll cwtch it for being ‘late at school!" Without thinking, he replied: “I wish there was no school in summer time!” And the next instant they, heard the children coming back from school shouting; “Teacher says there ain't to be no more school in summer! Just then Oswald's mother caught sight of his head and she commenced to cry, eaying, “Why, Oswald! Whatever have you done with your hair?” But Oswald said, “Never you mind, ma, gimme:® cent-to buy candy.’ And his mother said “Candy spolls your health, wait till Christmas comes next winter." For in those days Christmas came once a month all the year round. ‘or it ain't healthy to eat candy in summer,” afded hts mother, ‘I wish it was Christmas now, and in the winter!™ said Oswald, Immediately {t was Christmas {n the winter. The snow was falling, the bells were ringing and Oswald's stockings were hanging full of candy on the mantelptece. Oswald's mother was frightened now, so she said, Here comes your father to whip you!" And Oswald said, “I wieh I was as big as pal” And there he stood with a bald head and a stick of candy in his hand, as big as his father, ‘His uncles and aunts, and all the neighbors came running in and began laughing at him, he looked #o funny, end then Oswald told about the magician, and immediately his pa and his ma and his uncle and his aunts and the neighbors tool him around to the magician and threatened to have him arrested if he didn't take away every single spell. First—Give Oswald back the hair he had wishedeway. | | Seoond—Maike it June again instead of December, ry ‘Third—Make Oswald back the size he was. ‘The magician waved his wand and Oswald hed hetr and wae of right size, and the snow disappeared and it was June weather. But the young magiotan was 6o offended that the instantly vanished, without paying his rent, and was never seen again. But in ungranting Oswald's wishes he had forgotten to remove the spell making Christmas come in December. And in their excitement Oswald's pa and ma and his une oles and his aunts had forgotten about asking tovhave school every day in the year, But they never allowed any magtolan to set wp « shop tm any town after that. i And that 1s why wishes never come true mnowataya « And that ts why there fs no school in summer time, \ , And that 49 why Christmas comes but once a year, ~ And this is why Uttle boys never want to wash thelr tases) and hide their crusts mnstead of eating them, and ery wheal made to take castor oil, and atways ask for a second helping of Ice-cream when there ia company for Ginter and’ cag enough ice-cream to go around once, For the only little boy who didn't do these things was never the same again after his wishee were given and taken away from him, ( ; THE PATHOS OF PARTING, (Theatrical Note: , Weber & Fielie wit star Wile Collier ot there” oft his own company next season. Thin ie the torm ar. Collier a" of solng away" dislogve may then esmumeyi “You're going away? ‘I'm going AWAY!" “You're going aA "Golng—wway,"' he sighed. . oat “I'm going away from here," he ena, trom HERE?" she wildly ehrieked. “From—here." He waid it brokenty, “F-ro-m—he-ere,"” And Mary peaked, ‘But before I go there ts something Something I'd gay to you.” “Bomething you'd say to me, Jobat” “To YOU," “To MMT" "Twas tren,