The evening world. Newspaper, February 21, 1903, Page 8

THE WORLD: SATURDAY EVENING, FEBRUARY 21, 1903. ee AR Ey i i INS all shed by the Press Publishing Company, No. 53 to 63 ‘Park Row, New York. Entered at the Post-OMce at New York as Second-Class Mal] Matter. sscesseessNO. 18,189, | ©O00O080000009-004000650400066600064990 900005006 ® THE NEW SUBWAY PLANS 3 MR. CHESTY TEA The plans proposed by Chief Engineer Parsons for the solution of the rapid transit problem fairly dazzle the | 3 © Vision with their brilliance while they stun the mind > s engineering feat of the era, not yet finished, we are fur- $ ished with plans for other subways far outdoing it in $ "size and cost and in features calculated to excite the lay- man’s wonder at the possibilities of modern enginecring. ‘And for the plain prose of the matter we have Comp- _ troller Grout’s assurance that when the times comes to pay the bill the city will have enough money for the pur- "pose collectible from the full-valuation tax rate. By this comprehensive scheme of transit a passenger in downtown New York will be enabled to reach any point of destination in the greater city quickly and with facility and possibly, if the increase of traffic meantime 4g not too great, with a seat. He will need only to select his route and to walk a few steps to be whizzed up to the Bronx, or to Yonkers, or into Westchester and to the outlying districts of Brooklyn. No more inclusive scheme of interurban traf- fic was ever contemplated. If we had Mr. Wells laying out fictional lines of communication for the future it is ‘tobe doubted whether he could surpass the sober reality of Mr. Parsons’s plans. _ In e general way they must be adopted; the manifest 4 pig of the city 1s for subway transit, and eventually will probably be second-story provision for pedes- frlans, while the street surface will be devoted more to THE OLD WATCH ME CLOSELY HERE, MY SON, NOW — ME SHOW YOU SOME TRICKS WITH THE 1 TINK HE WANTS TER SWIPE IT 99-9990099-9599-99909-09G-9-004-0-0-99- fp cease of bata = JOKES’ : HIGH ; R But in these brilliant plans of Mr. Parsons there are | @ertain features needing further elucidation and of a HOME. : i E i a _ Rature demanding full investigation before their adop- By Roy L. McCardell. 2 = = =a ‘ ~ tion is sanotioned because of their connection with the 8 3 re | ala « (great raflway systems having terminals in New York. Sencar ao GR 3 3 : le 'We shall need more information, for example, about ; g G Prof. Josh M. A. Long Will Teach % : the proposed elevated structure for the benefit of the His Methoa by Mail. 3 j ON THE “ GET- y)\' i _ Now York Central along the North River front from GuNG went a warn with’ you, | RICH-QUICK”’ %G the Battery to Fifty-ninth street. What is the city to How would you like to be an of- SWINDLERS. ° hip ; Bet out of this feeder for the Central? ficer tor the Society for the Pre- vention of Cruelty to Humor? We wish to take in more people. A{ngton avenue to feed the New Haven and Hartford road?| You qwill be furnished with a badge to Or out of the Thirty-second street subway, from | shield all old and overworked jokes. Broadway to Seventh avenues, to connect both the ele- It aol meres authority Sia up In theatres and arrest everybody's at- vated and the subway systems with the Pennsylvania? tention and the offending comedian, _ Much more light will be needed on these proposed | It will empower you to take all the - routes before their full purpose {s entirely comprehended | °!4 Jokes still at large into custody and |" by the public. And also on the project to run Central,| “we teuen gus method by mall, _ Harlem and New Haven trains through the subways to| Are you satisfied with your lot? | downtown terminals. The pressure of these additional | Bu!ld up your system by my system. _ trains in the subways 1s to be viewed with considerable | some corte is counter if you are a @pprehension. Do you wish to make a name for your- selt and have a hyphen of your own? THE ELEVATED UNDERGROUND. ‘Then take a correspondence course in ‘An important feature of the new subway plans ts the | "W* Me eo Beedle: Du. Proposed connection of the elevated 11: ith th SD aS Sieh cepes eure Bee, connection of 2 ines with the un- GES or is addicted to the Joke und routes by inclines. abit, _ It is a perfectly feasile arrangement, as the practice cae fen EES CABO Ew) Hele, in Boston has shown, and out of {t may come various Are there specks before your eyes ‘time-saving and congestion-relieving devices not yet con- when you wear glasses? ‘templated. Thus, it would be possible to put the City Do you wake up in the morning? “Hall station in underground communtoation with the 47° ¥0u criopied under the hale? a » Sixth avenue line at Franklin or Grand street, a line that physical exertion? ‘Would be of great service to Brooklyn Bridge passengers, Learn how to become an officer of the It would be possible, also, to connect the east and % Po H. ‘West side elevated lines at the Battery in a vast under- Put your mind to it and fill out the | ground terminal. It is obvious that the roed must al- {Howie blank: have a terminal there; the sale of more than 4 000 tickets at the South Ferry station annually Sufficiently indicates its importance to the public, The “L" management has proposed an ornamental structure th replace the one that now disfigures the park. This ‘Aad r ress, ‘will be an improvement. But as the road has long de- PROF. JOSH M. A. LONG, sired ampler terminal facilities there it may find it Supt. Old Jokes’ Home. Profitable to look for them underground. _ ‘What is the city to get out of the subway up Lex- ba Tt: ‘get-rich-quick’ concerns appear to be on the ru said The Cigar Store Man. , “They are running in a circle,” replied The Man Higher Up. “As soon as the dust settles on the back stretch you'll see the sure-thing men sticking theif. noses around the corner of the far turn looking for a sot spot to take another start from. So lon; as such a DI proportion of the human race are straining their sug- penders to enter the something-for-nothing class, tl ‘get-rich-quick’ will be in their midst with their hands covered with fly paper. “The men who patronize the sudden bankrool games ere generally the star grouches of their communities. If they'd give a penny to a blind man they'd think In thei own minds it was time for the recording angel to balance up the books. They are generally people who think more of money than they do of a right eye and who com sider themselves wise enough to make the traditional serpent look like a trained seal. “These stars of finance wouldn't believe a near relative in a money transaction; they wouldn't take a change, with a legitimate business turn if there was an affidavit attached to every dollar they put In. But let them see an advertisement of a man they never heard of before im »Itheir lives promising to put them next to a racetrack proposition that can’t lose unless he breaks four legs at the post and it is dreams of freight cars loaded with money for them. 3 “Take a man who never saw a horse race in his i SSS SS SSS S SSS OH ©0O09O00090 992990O4-00 64 rOor $000 oo > give him a long-distance, hot-air treatment br the pri ers' ink method, and if his mazuma isn’t in your infop mation bureau by the next mail it is because he fs > }too sick to get to the post-office with it, Send him baék a bit out of his first remittance and he gets cramps ‘ the legs runni: ound and telling his friends the good thing. invariabiy this type of come-on no friends but those in his own class and the clean ig something gorgeous. t “How anybody with an {idea factory on his should that has other machinery in it besides wheels fall to one of those ‘send-your-wealth-to-us-and-let-ug- do-as-we-please-with-it’ communications is a propositi that sends me into involyed thought. It takes abo! a second for you or me to case out the game, know that if we get a lot of suckers to put $10,000 a pool to bet on a certain race that we have two chan c open to us, One 1s to pick out a horse to win, bet t! money and take a chance. The other is to pick out horse that couldn’t win with all the electric pow developed by Niagara alls under his saddle, fail to bet the money and advise the suckers that the hors lost. It beats any game ever invented for getting money from the credulous, and it 1s the game that all the race track tipsters have been working eince the St. Louis gamblers showed them the way. “You wouldn't send stage money to a game Hke th: and nelther would J, There are hundreds of thousan: like us—wise people who know we are wise, But The Old Jokes At Home, Prof. Josh M. A. Long: PERILS OF EATING ALONE. All this needs is a few kind words, ‘The news report of the death by starvation of Miss Be silent and mark it well: Yohanna Meler, of Mount Vernon, says that she had been “Why are #2 trousers like leaving your attempting to follow Edward Atkinson's theories of the psy, “\tne Cnureny economical cooking of food and had endeavored to make cheap pants; a pulr of cheap pants are five cents cover the dally expense of her meals, | two bothersome relauves; and bother- Food theories involving a limited expenditure are al- | Pome relatives leave thelr money to the | chureh.”” ‘ways more interesting on paper than in actual practice. @ yp, p, Let me tell you your Old Mr. Atkinson invented a wonderful money-saving oven, Sokes' Home ‘s nothing new. Har- - @bout which there are many good points. He did not lem Life has been in the field for ~ contemplate the reduction of expenses to the starvation |™*?Y Years “point, It was in this that Miss Melor’s mistake lay. sins ee eee "It 4s a mistake made in part at least by far too many| pre jon A lee ‘women Nving by themselves, and it is one of the worat| Fully appreciating your extended tnvi- of mistakes. Economy of food is always effected at an |tston to send worn-out jokes to an extravagance in some other {tem, usually doctors’ bills, | s*l#tution where they will receive ai in 4 pec! ere’ submit a few Bea Hivsolng World's advice to women f0 disposed to|tnat am old and badly in neod of being econ , Don't! placéd in your home: Don't eat alone; do anything rather than that! Be] What does a chicken cross the street extravagant on your food rather than close, Or if your et = Fs flender means make it absolutely necessary that you| ine medewan Te oAn fee the should economize on food let the economy end with a 9939999 on 6O0 PODSDSGDHI-DHOHE HHS HIIGHNG OS If the “L" will bulld cars on the “beef train” model, without seats, ferers than at present, and prevent the wild scramble of sixty men for % reakfast or luinch prepared in your room, Let dinner! When was Adam married? bat caulnpad Witilaiany/donK tows of Noche fram bleh toivear ines |tcasehieaar cithercanilas caimneratarn ct cue Ac uteliiansatthe feaceusa eles parent gpl 'any mousy: a. bo procured elsewhere and preferably in the company of| On his wedding "Eve," of course! Ysengers, they can accommodate a much larger number of uptown sut- | of putting in th 1 beef: 1d "That is the aipanam (hing sbout the) burr o Y 3 ” uptown suf- | of putting in the usual beef-car cold storage apparatus. S | wealth schemes, You wouldn't think persons with some one else. To ea alone is to skimp the meal and to! r sha “a a| Oooo: DEPODTDOG.9G-O.9-9 D GOOOPGH DOS 909000000004 / fpvite indigestion and the blues, which are the sure se-|, yon po, Grate’ MY Sister found > $999000909 POP9O9OCOD OOOO brains ossified enough to allow them to send money tom quel of loneliness. Chawlle—That's nothing. My slater stranger would have any money to send and they a; to be the only kind that have any money. Itisa Betis | ple, even if to do so necessitates an extravagance you; °F *venins x 3 THE MAYOR OF GOWANUS. to give it to grafters while people who need mone; ‘ean, il) afford, Rie tana Love That Was Tried by Fire and Proved True. keep can't get hold of it.” DM. A. Long (Copylght, 1908, by Daily Story Put Get out of your rvom and out of yourselt! See peo- set a neskiare oot of a "mwter” vel NG MM Wotce fromthe Vortex—By E. W. Cooley. Spo ene hould. gee. held. of money “y y ed, ‘The prairie was afire! laying greedy hands upon the walls of/ less fingers and, blinded with amoke and| “I8 there any way to beat the ‘get-rich-quick’ schemet* ly his poor old worn-out Joke] POR an hour after the dozen pu : ; aie ° alread shower of spa 5 s falling lon,’ 8 . “ye e nol r cl \- een . ngers who have made too active an effort to secure * Mit water ax at ite feet to Keep It furnished had gone to thelr homes, | within a few rods of the school-house, | with mé, are you, dear? sin severe Nine dane ruiee teen eee Bas Bnglish end Freneh noblemen seem to. hare sho on! | Mielr car or train have long been frequent enough to COMO EAD: at thing Adam itt Blanchard aut at tho wost window) ‘Te nearest residence, @ mile away,|not know how glad I am to hear you! the door unscathed, hoariog the des, | system,” seeponded The Man Higher Up. - “They comm point moral, ‘hat of former Assistant Corporation planted in the Gard eas of the little white seool-house wateh-| was toward the east, from which the! say that, dear, I was afraid you held] perate ringing of the telephone bell and| over her and marry our helresses. It is the only quick, ‘pol mM planted in the Garden of Eden? ing the evening sunlight shimmering| tire id a 7, -¥ brovndig : —_ thi Flynn calls for comment because he ran up th Mee goat i ie AARGLE AHOHERE BN r1o8| ire was rapidly approacasng. ‘To the| resentment, and 1 + + Ob 00,) the dantening roaring of the flames, dough plan that I know of that gives dividends to the; he, 0 oe won the nodd prairie grass that! westward twice that distance must be| John, dear, it was all my fault, and I am layer.” M. G. A 2 J. F. RENHCRIK. | stretched Uk yello ea for miles|¢ rihanna lata a i ia Onward she staggered until she reached | Player = ; we all know better, Wi tin Is No Chicken, ation. She knev plo olde si ow? 0 vo nd r si © are per-| Bho could not remember when she| rounding the dwellinge Insured eafety tol ing at tbe telephone if I were in tho| Welt Of fame. And there she paused ETHAN EXCI well aware that the strain thus put on the heart. Prof: Jom M. & 1 had not loved John Mallory. All their! the buildings, b sould hool-house? ‘The: and turned ber Sushed face upwerd aa one past the flush of youth is too great for such a Way doesn't a chicken lay a brick?) young lives they had been sweethearta. ene: rile ager tre bape ie mony roy ty heath are. att toward the sky in mute appeal to] In atriking contrast to the present laws to prevent ty be Because the rooster won't carry the a. * ol ¢ Mg sd " heaven, Something fell uy; her fore-| drunkenness, the London Daily Chronicle, wer the gain entirely 100 slight to justify tt. But hod W. FISCHER, waa AE Ash Sty had quarrelled—and) scarlet agent of destruction, Yet ver-|_ “John—John! . . . Perhaps—perhaps! head, something Be ae era ae] be ed in the reign ‘of Queen Elisabeth. The ee moment of decision comes as the train is just George Lasar’s Lot, : tap death awaited he he remalned,| 1 will never see you again, dear, But if) reached forth her hands, palms upward.| manuscripts in the British Museum record that In 1604 ond ms eer papetgery tie ties te tak lactate ry With @ sigh she turned from the win-| for the school-house was without pro-|1 never do, remember that I loved you~| cooling drops of moisture kionod. the| were set down by the lords and others of Her Maj is the ead en, and Prof. Josh M.A. Lone cow and her glance rested upon the] tection of any nature John—better than' ' io oak any | With fatal effect. Poet what is the largeyt chy | telephone back of her desk. Dear,} ‘John! John!" she cried, in the depths| She staggered be: h the choking ura Foye Le ae ea-yyse she Aidt ual far Shp reformation Of ihe Sraat ering hi hat fa the better plan, It may be hard to do, Mp we Dublin ta thougetul Jobnt twas be whe had of her despair. Then, ike an inspira- slau of smoke, Roaria’ tongues Of! sank upon her knees in the dust and| thoes were ordered to reduce. The publicans were coi { fviee Bre not so ordered that @ loss of five or ten ‘Teacher—Why, Pat? cca es . ‘ a She ronollsetion of tha Salen) aime wore sein, Sie hear almost t/ oftered up « prayer of thanksgiving for] to give to the sonatabia 6 the Lo bed the name and dus Um matter of lite or death 10 us. Dartaenune is ia Qoulling ai) thal’ cecie eee duecas in’ mane samen the Ot is i oF feet, the shower that had come in time. of every one who frea thelr houses, and wore torpiddes | ‘ane time, monotonous flea, and became conscious] without once more Heating: the vos 1] Aways. nt Wheto? ss tT canner] pital: SmrouRh: the sole her gamed eyse| io Baie #0 ome ea unite kanes ene teen | of ® peculiar haze that so | Tow aeons ‘vom brond-shoulderes Me hye peadlyheifb encod | poner,~The financial argument in favor bid Bigger bas © little baby. Which |{he aly with Ineroasine, bel ay hE ended Me ea mane gtevill Wing hese pl BN r | ear sxeat, eubetasel bounmhcere aval , ciiy Would be mayed | the Digger, the baby or she? H he door, she ihe hast ‘ { “dear, dear 3 : Sy > Why, the baby, because it is lurryling to 1) or, pushed it] Again she hastened to the telephone|. . . Oh, John-—dear, dearJohn . . . , ‘i ; Fumente prem to agree , “litin* ‘open apd gst one apprehensive glance|and rang the bell, And At Iast|Good-by . . . Goo a f B LAZAR, Paterson, [10 the eastward, then shrwnkebeck ap-[he heard pis P voles the Ore ‘The receiver dropped | ( " Ripe ag Mine , af