The evening world. Newspaper, April 1, 1901, Page 8

THE WORLD: MONDAY EVENING, APRIL 1, VoL. th. Published by the Pres« Publish! ered at the Post-Omler at tompany New York as Pro AND CON. 1k as you please, sald PLACING THE MLA ME. f « Mr Can You Write a Joke? It May Pay You to Try. The Evening World Will Give How $20 IN GOLD for the best three JOKES sent to it by next Thurs. |dOSEPH WEBER lgreaiet Makes a Joke ot Two About Aguinalte SENATOR DEPEW Relates a Story Full o Genuine American Humor. | ed bantte. “bu right. Why, look at our vbly low Heath rate #. thats an argument eavsie cfty man. ople wo ERICAL 1 = t i a fetoaplil ae RREAETY | Funny day night on any subject that is of fresh and newsy 2) = \ acs interest—it it is also of local interest so much the LUCKY PIN, ¥ | “Do you etn luck?" Are ess FOR THE BEST. $6 FOR THE SECOND. maute, Fae BEAN IUCR StOUNY o F now SS FOR THE THIRD. | eRe uO ne One Dollar Each will he paid for all jokes used that are not Youldoncmenn heen ds a You? | pa wna tees 1 . sto the “Fun Editor, Evening World, P.O. Re a rakatasdsice! lier | w York City.” about It. This pin had Well,” he raid | | : Rib seeen ate —— me Rn a - Sis ave some fun 1 : No street POET’S WAD. | Peaay THINGS TO DO WITH HIM walt up siator when nt iritieinicicieicieinieieieie-tt & you don't have soi t Neisieleiel-ieteinini Ard ho knocked th a his bead and hit him a whack on the ear, | ‘The old athlete's » ence which had been lege gymnasium and & quarter of a centur dlow landed on the la generally sald the that sent him sprawling tn the st ite ea \ — The parson walked over him as , had been a door rug, picked 4 = ais usted the side of the ho ’ and then mopped up the #idewalk » his form. Aa the ambulance was carrying the eowboy off ho raised his head fe sit | 1 STi iiT ald: |sVite—Sai vou toati the. race bs-nrnore, 2 more'n in “Parson, what Aid you fool me for?) und ard? You are chock full of fun [tunes mat toe aja ° | SO LONG. | spe STYLE King's 1 ward VIL, * Anqutred | NECESSARY. disposed of Inlnleloleintei TYPICAL JOKES A Different Gilet. hat Columba smanage affairs In Caba. Mes Porroriat THE MODERN FACTORY OF THE DAY. OMMENT. Susie! What Susie Sureraint GIRL. The Lutest sale. . Sires SV Ret STH maith rari \ Ponnaytvania Junk dealer sold hie wife te the ashman for cents i Some of the a persons who fin! He us wi Well say. df she's that sort of a wife PIL bet the ashinan will be | tions quite inferior to thar obtained in the good old times have Vin a few days asking pay feb earting her away oa Fi f heen saying that the faete is not as distinguished now for] A Brate Certain Wee. Bs | 1 at? Hole are yic ain Well f er Mther, as whe took the baby: away patience, virtue and intel nee a Ni Wh a eentury aye. ven gestetd sin rUttle darting, anyway?” “Where among the spinners and we isked, “are the Onda he sald, “1 4 mobby it do. to malse, Tucy Larcoms and the Margaret Foley For that matter, where among the ¢ thornes and the Lowells¢ The of literature does not indicate that th the less luminous. Few will deny that we infinitely more than our grandfather nitleleleieted otbbleieteleleletetetete f the Haw Wrilliant di al public ar Oun—What are 9 CHORES AND Jones, tyout—-We ithsence of the for had will soon be © HARRIET HUBBARD AYER A IE HE 2 + 90 A}! thie shout “Hittle red school | Ker Clouded Shin, be done at night Ip snecessors gain with : a u oing to bed. Tf you have the As, and te this Tustenetion, asa post you telho me what tenn dof feo may make a nyoskint T vated with mali r for a day or two, but not BpAper. tohave no eogive mel pegs ve ery careful of your, A stimulating food. know dresses You should bev “The modern factory ore of the minor Miers Detter, ame gets | and many more of the ereature cong, 0 s Misn HA. 8 | cise in the fife from her always insutlicient wages than was pos to her Se MTR Hated room | 4 the mouth easor of half a eentury g | to her morals, we get an occasional glimpse from a Dos | ter cate of the temptations that beset and a On such occasions the public gains an app t dangle seductively before the mill girls’ ewes. and Faust again with only the stage setting cha: ind’: Au stimians lathes, diit is creditable alike to herself and her all too seant Sun-|: ae ; dye i "hts ix not © blister and Ado! training that she keeps her character unblemished ana the yo cases, It may KS OF WO. Fan ail them, | i ative iden of the Tes Mar-{a yt mortar, then une, up- 1; next add pL extract. Keep in oint- y a very ilttte of the pimple. Make the ap- rub the | dl a smoory a moment be Increased or reduced in strength by | rinse (horoughly wit clear warm water, | ment b: adding to or taking from the amount of then apply @ good cold cream or akin! ointment to ea nor 5 him too i an in harness.” “ | do you He dopant look ! Todon't PRIVATE SECRETARY “L mean that Yyou err _ ery horse should I Vact, never Here are a few suggestions whieh show how the captured Aquinaldo might be permitted to take a Robert Burns tn his poetry ne eclamored for wealth, though ac times he sadly not sure he wrote ‘Oh, wad me power the gif ot itt don't y that he's askiag ra twad IN SEASON. Mr. Sub hank coolness the ers nearly ne and che sum- er ds comin. when [ow vive to bother about che 1 furnace, Mrx, Sub bubs sp Thavs so. iy the wes, dear. don't 1 othink youd} ter look at the | awn mower and! Jrer ff dt needs any ing? { ASELL. “It must be ful” facetious do find the prise bars grating. to you ts ainly a failure, right. se] es nothing but a Hy cen . + —-0— w¢| HORSE ROLL. re ts another fo a horse a roll of cur- tas comes of roll once in a tolelnfetnted CAN'T MISS IT. more ™! LOUIS FIELDS Explains How a Chinaman Would fell an American Joke. Discusses the Division of the Tenderloin. Dons great newses aout de ee [len ican Joke and : dot you! In dd tmpressed to Wu threw r apoud {t et n omy mind Done newses Is dot de Tenderloin Is t0 | + “But you be divte cen two ple | tell me nted the ancient o rang the door- He was ged female. you let me Brown's cast-off ‘bones’ ts in OM ley me by de Vn Japmant aldn’t ake den you could purn | Dot don't mean ¢ have a pair of Dr. ————— | = é jractous!’ shricked t . lam BROUGHT TO BEY, Dri Browa! nnd theltramp) fe: id Minister Wey You se the hue detalt Dr. Brown as well as ir the article of ap- tramp thought Dr. him. I fear the zest in the tell- Ml we are not as bad as the We may not be able to fathom but we are quickly y w rown joke w Ing. English ween America pomuld ner speaker with my FAMILIARITY. Rags!!! 4] pat Ket so personal in your remarks, see! Count SpaghettI—Rage! 2 Weary Clarence—Say, Dago, PT tte Tee) TELE LEEL LLL ELLE LEE EEO EEEE EL ty 74 Y\N EDITORIAL? TORNOMEN BY A WOMAN. + THE DANGER JIN PLATONICS. About one in several hundred thousind women find a Platonic friendship possible. All the rest, every last one of her, if sie is he real ex- perience along the alluring lines called “Platonic,” will, if she be a truthful as well as a foolish lady and a talkative, have the same Mr. Snow, the Mlackville's famous right flelder, about to catch a fly, WMH HR HM OR REVEALS BEAUTY’S SECRETS. ‘Veation at night and let the cream re- pain on until m Wash 7 with water and a Dear 3 Lar m very short Ny SW YORK. and take & ties. There ts an to a gymnasium urse of Ky cellent gymn: ns Christian czema in th, my head and neck. REMIE. | OU undoubtedly have eczema of 2xoalp. Try this ointment: Cocoa b putier, 20 grams; spermacell, 30 grams; sallcyHe acld, 2 grams, Mix and) and little children bereft of fathers and mothers. apply to tho is nt night; wash away inthe morning “wits aa wates. ree | little story to tell. It is a sohg not without words. It will have the same overture, tempo moderato—an every-day formal introduction, mutual attraction. A little later comes the allegro, when the man and woman smile in cach other’s eyes and find a delicious happiness, 2 child-like gayety in the mere presence each of the other. Then comes the ritardo con tenerezza, the time when the days are blank which bear no record of the mecting of these two Platonic friends. ‘Then there comes the conflict, the everlasting, ever-recurring conflict between love and duty. This is accompanied by a melody written in a minor key—aad, desolate, wailing. Next the confession, Lots of music beginning with a bang, if you please, and an me IL) agecement to separate after they have had one last meeting. The meeting opens with a little melody diminuends, more mele ody con molto espressione, and now the ard pedals and a terrific crescendo movement that throws honor to the wind, duty to the dogs and sets love up as god of gods. In a grand finale con passione, if there be such a term, the muric of the Platonic episode ends for all concerned. If that were-all, but it isn’t, for the Platonic friendship be- tween men and women, which ought to atay Platonic and doesn’t, leaves in its wake ruined lives, broken hearts, dishonored homes Dea Platonics are like strong drink—better left alone Ste