The Seattle Star Newspaper, March 31, 1921, Page 6

OUR DAILY FICTION 7 Once upon a time a gang of ‘workmen began a job of relay. ‘tracks on an important traffic im the city, When inter. the foreman replied that Job would be finished in six m So the streets were off and traffic tempo ly suspended. The men were steadily on the job, a bie wan employed, and no de- ensued. But the foreman Mistaken, Instead of six rs, the job was completed | out of the way in thrée | five days, six hours and : & minutes, ere A man I like z ik << ae 4 é g sf ; i [ E if il if Ir aL a $ i ~ BSy $72 iris, far from being calmly and without their pride He didn’t cover Up his chin. A sorry yere Is Pugnose Deering; He's living at ‘The Hotel Searing. eee ease of nosebleed appty a hand- shief and complain to a police eee ‘Fo revive a drowning person gtve & sip of brandy and call out the itla to keep the crowd back. ees ASTRONOMY ‘Phere are two good ways to sre thru a telescope or an argu Bubbie fountain having been sub ited for it Pole Star does not speak Rus _ Astronomers have gtven a of rings, but the line always to be busy. The moon is not believed to be tn- d. It is the theory that the na couldn't withstand the moon- Tom’s Going to Work Now Watch the Wheels of Industry Hum! M MARSHALL, former vice president, has just told us what is the matter with the country. “The average man,” he says, “has been doing just as little work as possible and trying to get as much as possible for it. And I don’t blame him. I have been doing the same thing myself.” Tom is not the boy to dodge any blame, you see. “But,” he adds, and you can see resolution hang- ing o’er him in great big, chunky slabs, “but I ex- pect to go to work. And if I can’t get $25 apiece for the talks I have heen making over the country, why, \T will take $12.50,” That’s right, Thomas; make a h at a pile of |bricks, and see them atitomatically erected into a 'factory building. . Sling a few shots of language at a |mile or two of muddy road and convert them into hard-surfaced highways. Deliver a lecture to a bar- rel of flour and bring forth the French pastry. By all means, Tom, get to work. May your tonsils /never hurt, nor your tongue grow blisters. | But, if need be, we recommend as worthy assist- ants Billy Sunday, Doc Matthews, Bill Bryan, Ole Hanson and Sam Piles. Put them on any dairy ranch. Let any of them jaddress a flock of cows and the WORLD ought to be supplied with milk. Let them use their combined eloquence on the same cows and the bossies should give butter as well. Dancing, Then and Now HOSE WHO ABHOR MODERN DANCES like to point 4 to old times when dancing in its purity was the poetry lof motion. There were the stately varieties, wherein belles land beans bowed with exceeding grace and held each other * | only by the hand. They sigh for those times and those dances; and every day or so one reads a new denunciation of syncopated danc- ing. And many there are who sincerely believe there were never times like these, so lost to modesty. And yet—well, in the year 1730 a citizen of London, hav- ing visited the dancing school of a Mr. Rigadoon with whom write an indignant letter to the London Spectator concern- ing what he saw there. “T was amazed,” he wrote, “to see my girl handed by, and handing young fellows with so much familiarity; and {I could not have thought it was in the child) * * * “At last an impudent young dog bid the fiddlers play a dance called “Moll Pately,’ and after having made two or three capers, ran to his partner, locked his arms in hers, ‘and whisked her round above the ground in such a man- ner that I, who sat upon one of the lowest benches, saw further above her shoes than I can think fit to acquaint these enormities; wherefore, whirligig, I ran could no longer endure girl ig to be 8 Fs fai e e g a E times. times, if ge; human nature is unchanging. The Short End to the Farmers } HE late congress adjourned after two years of making | gestures which looked favorable to the farming interests. | But what did it do? It defeated all legislation the object of which was to release the strangle-hold of the packers ton the stock-raisers. It allowed the cold storage bill to die. |The Mussel Shoals bill for cheaper nitrates was lost. The | bill for giving legal standing to the farmers’ co-operative | organizations was not p: But the members of the last congress gave themselves $360,000 for “free seeds.” After all the bloviation about legislation for the farmers! Not that the farmers are entitled to special legislation. But the whole country needs farms and prosperous farm ers. Aside from the federal farm loan act, passed before |we entered the war, the farmers have got nothing. And |there is a great deal that should have been done. Ten Townleys—a thousand Townleys—couldn't do as much to boost nonpartisan leagues and suchlike with the farmers, as is done by the people’s representatives in con- gress when they mix laziness and muddling as they have for two years, Nor will the tarring and feathering of Townleyites help the situation. The nonpartisan theories cannot be re- strained by illegal acts, such as are being committed in Kansas, but by honest and beneficial legislation for the farmers who are entitled to it; and by honest and bene- ficial legislation for the people as a whole. Fee Lakewood, 0., man has egg 61 years old. You ere apt to run eoréss tts Drother eny day. Eaplorer Stcfaneson says the North Pole ts warm—nover colder than 60 | below wero. Get in line, don’t shove. Aviator whe dropped 24,400 feet with a parachute probably ten’t worrted | about anyone trying to steal his fob. British soctologist says women are more economical than men. until Baturday when he gets the bill for hia wife's Easter hat. his daughter was taking dancing lessons, felt called upon to! in, | Sropped tn her ear. Wait) SRN ROR REMI AT ’ My Wttle girt is 3 months ol4, hes ewe tooth and spends mort of her time tn Do you think It le rieht for leep #0 much? And about her & tooth so young? began teething very young. but this dos coour occasionally, and heed cause you no alarm. A 2-month- old baby does spend most of its time sleeping. A healthy infant during the firet etx monthe usually sleeps from 16 to 18 bourse a day, the wak- ing pertoda being onty from a half hour to two hours tn length, Waken her regularly every three hours for feeding, up to 9 or 16 p. m., and once during the night, usually at about 3 mm Deafneas My wife has been troubled many years ably from catarrh, moch quinme Khe Junge, chest neae & part © drop « itte salt In® the drum of ear, elther ts powder form er im het water, A @iagnosis can only be arrtved at an the result of a careful examina tion by a physician. You eannot hope for any improvement in her deatnem by the use of any salt of bet water BUCKWHEAT ‘Well, weil; well, well; weil! It takes me back to In winter, 1 was "bo My mother, at i Would stir the brea Would ony, “My bore eat more than men; Where do they put it allt 1 enw her fust before natural) dine | The ertaa' tern jingt | And piling Gp s buckwhest stant | Bnough to break & horse's back, Mrty covery 1 spoke; ~ And singingche would sting! Yea, singing, the she Say, some thoughts « Kad-aweet like—t Hut Ie that ” | Mow tar a Bure, 1 Follee’s carth, for clarifying min eral and vegetable olla, was first | found in the United States tn 1893. | ASPIRIN Name “Bayer” on Genuine Warntng! Unless you see the name “Bayer” on package or on tab lets you are not getting genuine | Aspirin preseribed by physicians for twenty-one years ghd proved safe! by millions, Take Aspirin only as) told in the Bayer package for Colds | Headache, Neuralgia, Rheumatism, | Earache, Toothache, Lambago and | for PF 5 Handy tin boxes of twelve Bayer Tablets of Aspirin cont few cents PASSE ARP I De EN Bs aye THE SHATTLE STAR Letters to the Editor— WOULD TAKE THT BABY FROM PEARL O'DELL Wditor The Star: I have been @ mteady reader of your valuable paper for some years, and while we agree on most public @iiestiona, there are nome on which We don't. For in- stance, you and I are at sixes and sevens on the Japanese question, while on the atreet car problem your paper has got the night dope, and the only dope, In a previous @tar there appeared an editorial in regard to Mra, O'Dell, now doing 20 years for complicity with her husband in one of the post flendinh, cold-blooded murders that ok the atate of New York. article mentioned, you plea given birth to a baby she should be pardoned by the governor, so he can raine this child, Where do you get all this “sob” etuff you always pull when any extraordinartly old blooded murder occurs, much as in the case of Ruth Garrison and Loom White and others? Thia O'DeN woman should be shaking hands with herself that she ig not awaiting death in the electric chair, along with her equally guilty husband, , A female fiend, @ human tigress, utterly devaid of any of thone traits generally accredited to woman, Mrs, OrDell deliberately hacked tha tft out of this man with « large stect filo, aftor he had been bound and gogeged and rendered absolutely help- lem, while her husband stood by and calinly pupervised operntiona, And then you would recommend « pardon from the governor for this blood-beameared tigress, in petti- coqte—for what?—eo that she can shed her bloody, crocodile tears over thig little bundle of Innocence, so she can paw over ft and cuddle tr with those bloody, sticky, endinh hand of here! I my, never tn a thowmand years should the be allowed to touch te ‘That seems to be the trouble tn this country today—women are tm mune for thelr criminal acta, They can pull anything In the ertminal calendar, and generally get away with it-—-#9 times out of a hundred—chiet. ly owing to such editorials as ap- peared in your paper. Let's have lem of thie stuwh, and robe, and ween, and « Mttle more justion, I thank you. Cc. H. RIDDLE. GOT Maynard Ave, Seatti, Wash. eee HOSPITAL SUBSCRIPTIONS COME FROM ALL OVER Editor The Star: The trustees of [the Children's Orthopedic howpltal send their cordial thanks to you for your fine editorial of March 29. While we are seeking to increase our membership tn Seattle, we are very deatrous of securing members from the outside, Inasmuch as we have accepted cases from 35 of the 29 counties of the state. You may well, Mr. Lee TL Wakefield, Mr. Glen lL. Reames, Mr. C. HL. Winders, Mr. i. J, Ramey OLIVE W. ROBERTS and Extra PANTS FOR THE PRICE OF THE SUIT ALONE ¥. M. JOHNSON, 1117 Third eve. Theoretically, yes: practically, no. MIS, EB. BAUNDEIS, 2604 Alki ave--I'm positive it has gone down, all right, althe I haven't seemed to notice it much. W, BATON, Alderwood Maner— TU have to do « jot of figuring be fore I anewer you on that, MRS. M. ARNSDALE, 1820 Jack: non wt.—Oh, you; some, There are a few staplon I oan buy for lem. LYON BUCK ave—More tn the income, REMARKABLE 667 don't care if the governor gives me a life sentence or not— muech."—Isom While eee “There were 600,000 deaths among | workers tn 1926, Fifty per cent were preventable er postponable.”—— Dr, Bugene Lyman Fisk, medica) MOTHER! “California Syrup of Figs” Child’s Best Laxative only—took for the name California on the package, then you are sure your child ia having the best and most harmiess physe for the little stomach, liver and bowela, Children love ita fruity taste. Pull directions on each botUe. You must say “Cali- fornia.” | Daddy, bring home some of Boldt's Avertinament. THURSDAY, director, Now York Life Extension Institute, Bre su VES eee “Cirle who dreams senstbty and re frain from excessive uae of commet- fom run the bert chance of obtaining £004 positions."—Ruby Magwood, superintendent of Chicago's largest employment agency. i. \ SAVING \ BEFORE Poe You Will Receive a Full Three Months’ Dividend on July 1st. when we declare our regular Semi- Annual Dividend. The Safety of Your Savings fs assured by Strict State Supervision which com- Is us to invest all funds in City, State and Govern. ment Bonds and in First Mortgages on Improved Property only. We have never paid less than 5 %ooivioenos during a period of twenty years. this pin made of iron or sumptin?” Druggiate aleo sell larger Aspirin ie the trade) mark of Bayer Manufacture of Mo | noaceticacidester of Salicylicacid. packages, . A DAY FOR WISE MEN! BY DR. WILLIAM E. BARTON “femorrow occurs the day which for centuries has sacred to the memories and the pranks of fools For hundreds of years in England it has been the custom of groupsof wiggling _servant-maids } to send some simple swain to the bookstore for a copy of “The Lite ot Eve's Grandmother,” or to the chemist’s for @ pennyworth of pig- eons milk, and to be labéled a fool for trying to please ther practical jokes of this anniversary are hoary with antiquity, and there is little likelihood that this or any similar editorial will materially Jensen them, * But why should aday be wet apart for fools? Have they not days @hough already? Are not @ sufficient fraction of the | Whole round of days from January to June and on _ to bleak December sufficiently given over to folly? | Why not have one day tor wise men? And why not | Fededicate April 1 to men and deeds of wisdom? f One notable anniversary, All Saints’ Day, has been _ @verafarmed in reverse order; why bot change All The | be wine? April 1 are far too dear to the world for any such suggestion to carry. But it ts worth considering. By the way, one of the mort noted of literary jokes was perpetrated by a learned man who was born on April 1, 1799, His name was Kobert Surtees, and he was an antiquarian of note. When his supply of genpine antiquities gave out, he fabricated old ballads and palmed them off on Sir Walter Scott, each of them with a clever story of how he came by them; and Scott died without ever learning that the ballads which he published “by courtesy of Mr. Surtees" wero made to order by that obliging gentieman, for example, William Harvey, discoverer of the cir culation of the blood, who wan born in 167%. If, on April 1, you have occasion to call a taxi, you might be interested in remembering that the business of the hackney coach, of which the taxi ia the suc cessor, was entablished In London with four coaches, been operating for five years. test against it, because it harmed the business of the Thames boatmen, who denounced the drivers of coaches as thieves for stealing away their trade. One | of the watermen was a poet, and has left his bitter | complaint in He was not the last man who J} used the term “thieves” concerning drivers of hacks, verne f Fools’ Day, and one Gay geek, everyone of us, to! No one knows better than the writer of these words | how futile the suggestion will be. The follies of | Some really wise men were born on Aprfl 1; as| and we first heard of it on April 1, 1639, when it had! There was great pro-| GUARANTY BANK AND TRUST CO. NRY PICKARD, Preaident HOME I View Wr ARTHUR € Cash anier, WILTON, Ansiatant Cashier, GO. Vv. WACH | Mgr. Foreimn First Hundreds of men are taking advantage of this tailoring bargain. Extra pants doubles the life of your suit— you don’t pay me one cent for the extra pants. My large volume of business makes up for the small profits, My usual guarantee of satisfaction with every garment, LAFF THE TAILOR 1106 Third Avenue Kast Side of Street, Near Spring Hickory Garters at your dealer: In Fre Sizes A. STEIN & com PANY PARIS GARTERS for men “Children's HICKORY New York