The Seattle Star Newspaper, December 27, 1920, Page 9

FRIDAY, DECEMRER 14. STARVATION REATENS OUSANDS iidren’s Lives Depend Up- On Generosity of Ameri- can People PIE Scattlo Noar Hast relief headquar | ¥ today dor Henry Morgenthau Meal to the American peo heir relief to the hom Mute people of the Near Hast. ‘He said Miration and gratitude of the t by its dist nd philanthropy our years. nterested during “Hundreds of thousands of these | 4 je are living today wou Rave perished had it not been American retief. HORDES AGAIN ARK TURNED OUT OF HOMES “But peace have restored. t and ord Their ¢ > ma force of their neighbors “Large numbers of refugees have oir | fully from t Again been dispossessed temporary homes, Rece » Ous places of safety are crc fefugees. The hard has SEuR. Snow is knee deep in m Ei plages. These help thrown on our mercy Fephieed thetr cry they Mie winter by the thousands winter © aituation today is worse than ¢ in| funds | is last year. Near & miy organiz jon whose ‘ased for this work IANS TOTALLY DEPENDENT ON U.S. “Large numbers of even know their nam SSE Row in more thar intained by Near East relief. are totally dependent upon Ameri: Philanthropy for the simplest | thes of life. “We must continue the support of | Bhese orphans whom we have already | institu ih the of the refugees and other desti, until under stable government are restored to their homes and d and placed in our We should not relinqui F 9 self support” No License on Auto; Two Are Arrested George Sacco, 18. and William Col-} ne, 20, are held by police pending tigation into their possession of ‘anto without a state license at ave, S. and Adams st, Sun- a eee 1p aA. ‘woobs Presents P IN MABELS ROOW Comedy by Started New Oonrnsun OOR cincui® LIGHTNER SISTERS AND rate ALEXANDER AS 4 Oo, wean ARTISTIC Teer GFORD and FREDERICK 2, ORPHEUM received from ex-Ambas: |" An earnest “America bas won the ad-| Near for not © par. | cl superior cables state that the roads leading to vari-| wed with | Pected to keep it be. | Speak sanely s refugees are Untess will perish} By de I orphans, de-| d of both father and mother, de and are 00 orphanages. They THEATRE Tin MTN (Bandays), € Mats. Ladies’ Mats. (Except Mats. Daily Ex- and Thursday Nights and 9:1 aye) sept Monday Mats Playing AND COMPANY sidney and Town- w Bligh and o MAUD EARL ree Bartow ¥; The Pala; CUTICURA HEALS SKIN TROUBLE InPimplesOn Face. Itched So Had To Rub Them. Burned and Hurt. y face was = mass of pimples and I had an unusual amount on my forehead and chin. hard and red and later they came to white heads. They itched so I would rub them, and then they started to burn and burt “T saw an advertisement for Cuti- Soap and Ointment and tried Geen and found they helped me. I more and when I had used three cakes of Cuticura Soap sand one and a half boxes of Cuticura tment | was completely healed.”’ ed) Mise Anna Fyalka,Carrolls, fash., Dec. 6, 1919. Give Cuticure Soap, Ointment and cum the care of your skin. Semple Bosh 708 Mall. Address: “Ousierare La 3 e ae intr te. aro Woe. Tale how! They were || Confessions of a Humorist Copyright, 1920, by Doutleday, Pave & Co.) published by special arrange | ment with the Wheeler Syndicate, There was a painless stage of tn ubation that lasted 25 t broke out on me, and people aid 1 was Tt yearn, then measles. stand for his 50th into his private the sentor birthday office part n selected as spokes © a little speech that en preparing for a week Tt made @ hit, It was full of puns and epigrams and funny twists that brought down the house—wh very solid one in the wh hardware line. Old Marke actually grinned, and the ex | took their cue and roared My reputation as a humorist dtacs from half-past nine o'clock that morning For weeks afterward my fellow rks fanned the flame of my self esteem, One by one they came t jme, saying what an awfully | speech that was, old man, and care explained to me the point of Jeach one of my jokes aduallly I found man. 1 had 4 we b ever hat I was ex Others might matters from me up. on business topics, but gamesome and and the day's something required. airy was rees my fancy spread, and became a | 1 “character our {town was small enough to make this The daily newspaper quoted erings 1 was in posaible I did possess consider able wit and a facility for quick and spontaneous repartee, This gift cultivated and improved by prac And the nature of it was kind! genial, n@t running to sa joffending others, Peop jamile when they saw me coming. land by the time we had met I ¢ " lorally bad the word ready to broad amile into a ugh. I had married early, We had a charming boy of three and a girl ¢ |five, Naturally, we lived in a vine covered cottage, and were happy. My salary as bookkeeper in the hard ware wmocern kept at a distance those ills attendant upon superfiuous wealth. At sundry times I had written out a few jokes and conceits that I con sidered pecullarly happy, and had sent them to certain periodicals that print such things, All of them had |the editors had written to request further contributions, tut they called tt humor instead of | © employes in the store bought a | been instantly accepted, Several of | An 0.HENRY Story a Day | book or future upen my une, cuff for my own friends regarded me in sorrow wonder, I Waa not the same Where once I had furnished entertainment and jollity, 1 preyed upon them, No jest bid for their were ae man. | ther | now from me ever now, They prectous, I could not afford to dispense gratuit y the means of my livelihood I was a lugubrious fox praiw singing of my friends, crown hat they might drop their ka the morsels of wit that I cov Nearly every one began to avold 1 even forgot how to amile, not en paying that much for the say 1 appropriated. me became a j 1 My wife is a feminine hunting singularly did, aympa nd impulsive, Onoe her con: | was my delight, A wource Of UNfallin her creature, theti versation | ide and her pleasure amusing but lovable tstencios thag distinguish the ie mind. an to market these pearls of m and humor that ave enriched only the sacred pre cineta of hom With devilish cun i her » talk Un. | laid ber heart ba unconscious, fommon I offered it to the pub ning I encourag suspecting, ® Upon the cold. printed page ry Judas, T kined her and] her, Fi on of allver I! ire 1 her onfidence In the pant and frills of folly and made dance in the market p aweet them Dear Loujaa! bent over a tender Of nights I her cruel as a wolf lamb, hearken: ven to words have above her soft murmured in hoping to catch an idea for my next fay’s grind. There in wor come God help me! Next my fangs were jeep in the neck of t ings of my Uttle o la were childish, quaint thought «. 1 found a ready ad of humor, and waa fur: | aleep. re to nale war department in a n “Funny Fane began to stalk them antek I nd sofas and doors, my hands and knees among the bushes in the yard to |eavemtrop while they were at play.| }1 had all the qualifications of «| harpy except remorse | | Once, when I was barren of ideas, | and my copy must leave in the n mail, I covered myself in a pile of autumn leaves in the yard, where I |knew they to come to play I can nelf to believe th of my hiding place f he was, I would be loath to blame him for bis setting fire to the leaves, causing the destruction of my new suit of clothes, and nearly cremating « parent Soon my own chiMtren began to en of *hildhood.” I ae an Ind would hide be or craw) on an atalke th jot bring m Guy was but even aware | have jon air | ing One day I received a letter from| shun me as a pest. Often, when I the editor of a famous weekly pub-| "8s creeping upon them like a mel- lication. He suggested that I submit) ancholy ghoul, I would hear them to him a humorous composition to|*ay to each other: “Here comes fill a column of space; hinting that| papa.” and they would gather their he would make jt a regular feature | toys and scurry away to some safer of each issue if the work proved sat- | hiding place, Miserable wretch that istactory. Didi so and at the end/ lof two weeks he offered to make a} lcontract with me for a year at a figure that was considerably higher |than the amount paid me by the hardware firm. I was filled with delight. My wife) already crowned me in her mind with the imperishable evergreens of literary success, We had lobster croquettes and a bottle of blackberry wine for supper that night was the chance to liberate myself jfrom drudgery. I talked over the | matter very seriously with Louisa. | We agreed that I must resign my to humor. I resigned. My fellow clerks gave [made there coruscated. It was printed in full by the Gazette. The | the clock. “Late, by George I exctaimed, and grabbed for my clothes. Louisa reminded me that I was no longer a |slave to hardware and contractors’ supplies, I was not a professional humorist. After breakfast she proudty ted me |to the little room off the kitchen. | Dear girl! There was my table and chair, writing pad, ink, and pipe |tray. And all the author's trappings -the celery stand full of fresh roses and honeysuckle, last year’s calen lar on the wall, the dictionary, and * little bag of chocolates to nibble |between inspirations, Dear girt! I sat me to work. The wall paper is patterned with arabesques or jodalietcs or—perhaps—it is trape zoids, Upon one of the figures I }fixed my eyes. I bethought me of humor. A voice | voles, “If you aren't too busy, dear,” it 1, “come to dinner.” I looked at my watch. Yea, five hours had been gathered in by the grim scytheman. I went to dinner. “You mustn't work too hard at first,” said Louisa. “Goethe—or was it Napoleon?—sald five hours a day is enough for mental labor, Couldn't | | | startled meo— Loulsa’s you take me and the children to the | | woods this afternoon? “I am a little tired,” IT admitted. So we went to the woods. But I soon got the swing of it | Within a month I was turning out as regular as shipments of | And I had success | the weekly made some stir, | was referred to in a gonsipy the critics a line of humorists income considerably by to other publications. | After five or six months the spon. taneity seemed to depart from my |humor. Quilps and droll sayings no longer fell car asly from my lips. aI was sometimes hard run for mate- rial. I found myself Ustening to }\ catch available ideas fran the con versation of my friends. Sometimes | 1 chewed my pencil and gazed at the || wall paper for hours trying to bu }lup some gay little bubble of unstud ied fun And then I bec: Moloch, a Jonah, a vampire to my acquaintances Anxious, haggard, I stood among them like a Let a bright comparison, a full from their lips and 1 was after it like a hound springing upon » bone. I dared not trust my mem turning aside guiltily and I would make a note of it and 1 way by I augmented my | I | | greed veritable killjoy ing, & witt phrase nay. ory! but meanly Here| place at the store and devote myself | My cotumn tn | something fresh in the | contributing | me a hapry, al piquant | I wast And yet I was doing well finan cially. Before the first year had passed I had saved a thousand dol lars, and we had lived in comfort. But at what a cost! Iam not quite clear as to what a pariah fs, but I was everything that it sounds ike. I had no friends, no amuse- ments, no enjoyment of life. The happiness of my family had been sacrificed. I was a bee, sucking sor |} did honey from life's fairest flowers, | dreaded and shunned on account of | my sting. One day a man spoke to me, with & pleasant and friendly smile. Not} |in months had the thing happened. | I pas passing the undertaking estab: | me a farewell banquet. The speech I| lishment of Peter Heffelbower, Poter | declaring that I waa now a partner | stood in the door and saluted me. 1) stopped, strangely wrung, in my | next morning I awoke and looked at | heart by his greeting. He daked me| might go hide their heads in mack. | | inside, The day was chM and rainy. We | went into the back room, where a fire burned_in a little stove. A cus tomer camé, and Peter left me alone for a while. Presently I felt a new feeling stealing over me—a sense of beautiful calm and content. I looked around the place. There were rows of shining rosewood caskets, black! palis, trestles, hearse plumes, mourn: | ing streamers, and all the parapher. nalia of the solemn trade. Here was peace, order, silences, the grave and dignified reflections. Here on the brink of life, was a little niche parvabed by the spirit of eternal rest. Whem T entered it, the follies of the worldthe world abandoned mo at the door. I felt no inclination to w & humorous idea from sombre and stately trappings. My mind seemed to stretch itself to grateful repose upon a couch draped with gentle thoughts A quarter of an hour ago T was an pandoned humorist. Now I was a philosopher, full of serenity and ease. | I had found a refuge from humor, from the hot chase of the shy qutp, from the degrading pursuit of the panting joke, from the restless reach ter the nimble repartee. | I had not known Heffelbower well, | When he came back, I let him talk fearful that he might prove to be a jarring note in the «weet, dirgelike barmony of this establiehment But, no. He chimed truly. I gave! a long sigh of happiness. Never have I known a man’s talk to be as mag nificently dull as Pet Com pa th it the Dead Sea is a gey ser. ver a sparkle or a glimmer or wit marred his words. Common: | places as trite and as plentiful as blackberries flowed from his lps no} more stirring in quality than a last woek's tape running from a ticker. | Quaking a little, I tried upon him one of my best jointed jokes, It fell back ineffectual, with the point bro- I loved that man from then on Two or three evenings each week I would steal down to Heffelbower's 14 revel in his back room. That was my y joy. I began to rise and hurry thru my work, that |I might spend more time in my haven. In no other place could I throw off my habit of extracting humorous ideas from my eurround ings. left me no open- | Ing had I besieged it ever so hard. | Under this influence I began to improve in spirits. It was the reere. ation from one's labor which every | man needs. I surprised one or two of my former friends by throwing | them a smile and cheery word as 1 t ed them on the streets, Several abode of thoae 's wae, early er's talk jin my ever-present memorandum|times I dumfounded my tamily by| | feminine | merry sayings an 1. THE SEATTLE STAR HUMOR PATHOS ROMANCE relaxing long enough to make a jocow® remark in their presence, | 1 had #0 long been ridden by the incubus of humor that I selzed my hours of holiday with a schoolboy’s mont. My work bean to wuffer, It was not the pain and burden to me that it had been. I often whintled at my desk, and wrote with far more fu ency than before. I accomplished my tanks impatiently, as anxious to be off to my helpful retreat as @ drunkard is to get his tavern. One day Peter Heffelbower laid be fore me a temptation that swept me ff my feet. In sensible, unin pired way he showed me his books, and explained that his profits and his business were increasing rapidly, He had thought of taking in a partner with some cash, He would rather me than any one he knew When I left hiv place that afternoon Peter had my check for the thousand follars T had in the bank, and I was 4 partner in his undertaking busi: | nena. | I went home with feelings of de-| lirious joy, mingled with a certain amount of doubt. 1 was dreading to tell my wife about it, But I walked To give up the writing of humorous stuff, once more to enjoy life, instead of squeex ® them to a pulp for a few drops of hard cider to make the public feel funny—what a boon that would be! At the supper table Louisa handed M6 some letters that had come dur my absence. Several of contained rejected manuscript. ¥ since I first began going to Heffel bower's my stuff had been coming back with alarming frequency. Lately I had been dashing off my jokes and articles with the greatest flue Previously T had labored like a brick ayer, slowly and with agony, Presently letter from the kly with whieh | Thad a regular contract. The checks | for that weekly arti our main depend cho Dear Sir: As you are aware, our contract for the year expires with the month. While regretting the nece for so doing, I must may that we do not care to renew same for the coming year. We quite with your style humor which ma to have delighted quite a large proportion of our But for the past two mont. noticed quality Your cartier work showed a spon. | taneous, easy, natural flow of tun and wit. Of late it ts labored, stud nvineing, ¢ pain lence of hard toll and drudg- | chantam. reer the apples ¢ T opened a editor of the we le we noe, «The letter ran | | | present readers 8 we hav & decided falling off in its ting that ntributic we are we do not # available yours sineerety, | ‘The Editor. T handed this letter to my wife. | After she had read It her face grew | extremely long, and there were tears} in her eyes | “The mean old thing? she ex | claimed indignantly. “I'm sure your pieces are just as good as they ever! were. And it doesn’t take you half | as long to write them am it did.” And then, I suppose, Louisa thought of the checks that would cease com. ing. “Oh, John,” she wailed, “what will you do now?" For an answer I got up and began to do & polda #tep around the supper table. 1 am sure Lovina thought the trouble had driven me mad; and 1 think the children hoped it had, for they tore after me, yelling with glee | and emulating my steps. I was now something like their old playmate as of yore. “The theatre f Us tonight” 1 shouted; “nothing Teas. And a late, disreputable supper for all of us at the Palace restaurant. Lumpty- | diddle-de-dee-dedum! And then I explained my glee by | any longer. in & prosperous undertaking estab. lishment, and that written joke: cloth and ashes for me. With the editor's letter In her hand | to justify the deed I had done, my wife could advance no objections save a few mild ones based on the | Inability to appreciate a/ good thing such as the little back | room of Peter Hef— no, of Heffet.| bower & Co.'s undertaking establish. | ment. | In conctasion, I wi eny that toda: | you will find no man in our town as well liked, as jovial, and full of| My jokes are| again nolsed about and quoted; once | more I take pleasure in my wife's | confidential chatter without a mer cenary thought, while Guy and Viola play at my feet distributing geme of | childivh humor without fear of the) ghastly tormentor who used to dog their steps, notebook In hand, Our business has prospered finely. Tkeep the books and look after the! ship, while Peter attends to outside! matters. He says that my levity and high spirits would simply turn any funeral Into a regular Irish wake. | Girl Weds Another When First Suitor Is Late NEW YORK, Deo, 27.—When Jack Stengle reached the marri age bureau as a bridegroom-elect he was a few minutes too late, Miss Catherine Lillian Meyer had changed her mind and wed Wal ter Firschling instead, The bride had asked the original bride. groom-elect’s sister to be present and when Stengle tarried Miss Meyer told his «ister she was go ing to marry Firsebling. And she did. HOYT’S NEW MENU Boston Baked Beans -15¢ Mexican Beans .., Macaron! and Cheese Home-Made Pie, per cut .10¢ SANDWICHES Hot Cakes and Syrup ...20¢ Cold Meat and Cheese ,,,10¢ Hot Hamburger . 156 3 Doughnuts and Coffee .15¢ Best Coffee in Seattle 5c HOYT’S 322 Pike St., at Fourth WE NEVER CLOSE umett's Jewelry Clearance One-Fifth to Half Off! The entire stock of Solid Gold, Sterling Silver, Diamonds and Watches, is now on sale at emphatic price concessions. No such opportunity has been presented in years. The following items are taken from the window show, haphazard—yet they indicate fairly the reductions that are in force thruout the store: $20 Silver Plated Tea Sets for $10 $7.50 Sugars and Creamers for $3.75 $1.00 Silvered Photo Frames for 50c $3.00 Pearl Handled Servers, $1.50 $6.00 Sterling Mounted Steak Sets, $3.00 (Carver and Fork) Silver Plated Spoons Up to $2 for 35c $15 Sterling Mounted Carving Sets $7.50 $2.00 Oyster Forks, Sterling M’td, $1.00 $20 Pearl Handled Knives and Forks, $10 $8.00 Pearl Handled Fruit Knives, $4.00 $3.00 Pearl Handled Pie Knives for $1.50. $10 French Ivory Hair Brushes, $5.00 $7.50 Ivory Hand Mirrors for $3.75 $2.50 Ivory Combs for $1.25 $3.00 Hair Receivers for $1.50 $100.00 Set Ivory Toiletware for $50.00 And Every Piece of Ivory in the Store Half Price $40.00 Toilet Set, Ivory, for $20.00 $100 Sterling Silver Toilet Set for $50 (Twenty-one pieces) $8.00 Boudoir Electric Lamps for $4.00 . $13.00 Silk Umbrellas for $6. 73” $15.00 Silk Umbrellas for $7.50 $25.00 Silk Umbrellas for $12.50 $35 Military Wrist Watches $15 $22 Sterling Cigarette Cases $14.75 $25 Men’s Elgin Watches for $18.75] $10 Solid Gold Brooches for $5.75 $50 Men’s Waltham Watches, $37.50| $6 Solid Gold Cuff Buttons, $3.85 $75 Men’s Waltham Watches, $57.50 | $8 Solid Gold Cameo Brooches, $4.75 Ladies’ $25 Wrist Watches for $18.75 $75 White Gold Wrist Watches, $56 | $10 Pearl Necklaces for $5 $100 Solid Gold Waltham Watches | $15 Pearl Necklaces for $7.50 ; $75 (And all at half price up to the finest Every Watch in the Store Reduced at $300 for $150) Onedourth All $25 Eight-Day Clocks at $18.75 $40 Mesh Bags now $20 All $50 Eight-Day Clocks for $25 $100 Beaded Bags for $50 All $75 Eight-Day Clocks for $56.75 Every Piece of Solid Silver 25% Less All Diamond Jewelry 20% Less All Solid Gold Jewelry 25% Less Every Piece of Cut Glass Half Price All Solid Silver Knives and Forks 25% Less All Plated Knives and Forks 25% Less (Contract goods alone excepted) All Solid Silver Toilet Sets, Half Price And everything in the store with the exception of small and unim- portant lines of Contract Goods at from 25 to 50 per cent less than the regular fair and honest-to-goodness price. All sales final. We reserve the right to withdraw the sale prices on twenty-four hours’ notice. BURNETT BROS 909 Second Avenue, Burke Building