The Seattle Star Newspaper, July 21, 1915, Page 4

) i i 4 ‘ Member of the Seripps Northwest League of Newspapers Pablished Dally Star Publishing Oo. © Main 9400 POP GOES THE WEASEL W E USED to sing a song, ending, “That's the way the money goes; pop goes the weasel.” Just now, when Seattle taxpayers are turn- ing to the city council with appeals for economy, The Star again directs attention to the office of corporation counsel, where an atray of deputies, chief clerks and stenographers is pouring the oil on the city’s legal machinery. Counsel Bradford has three deputies and a police prosecutor at $250 a month; one at $200 a month; two at $185 a month; a chief clerk at $175 a month; a claim agent at $150 a month, and three law clerks at $125, $130 and $135 a month, re- spectively. This is supplemented by a staff of stenographers. Quite an expensive institution. The Star told the other day how this staff is devoting only part of its time to earning these salaries, and how the rest of its time goes to the seeking of private law practice and the collection of private fees. When The Star revealed what was going on, some of the councilmen said they'd look into it. Well, gentlemen, you have had time to look into it. NOW STOP IT. If this legal talent is not receiving from the city compensation commensurate with its brains, The Star believes the best of the staff should be retained, their salaries raised so they would devote all their time to the city’s business—and the others dropped. ; The city would have the satisfaction, anyway, of ~knowing it wasn’t paying for something it wasn’t getting. SAY, MRS, TRUE THIS ‘IS NOT THIS MORNING'S PAPER, {z READ THIS LAST _ YOU MONOPOLIZED (TF |/ COMPLETELY, AND 1 DEecMED To BO THE S4ME WIth THIS MORNING'S PAPER! YOU CAN READ IT THIS A LITTLE BIT OF MOST ANYTHING His Stamping Ground = A Neglected Bet Jolly Man (whose appetite is the The poets have sung envy of all his fellow boarders)— In every known tongue Well, I never! I've lost two but-|Of sweethearts and love's youthful tons off my vest. dream; “Lady of the House (who has been In verse that ts glad wanting to give him a hint)—You Or sobbingly sad Will most likely find them in the| They scatter their dope by the dining room, str. ream Making One “Senator, you promised me a Affinity stuff And “triangle” guff In poems of passion are rife; But no one takes time To pound out a rhyme On the love of a husband and wife. —Peorla Journal. “But there are no jobs.” “I need a job, senator.” “Well, I'll ask for a commission to investigate as to why there are no jobs and you can get a job on eee that."—Louisville Courier-Journal, A Prophet oe “What is your occupation?” esk- Qualifying ed the judge of a witness. Johnny Jones, the office boy, had been detected in 4 Me. It was not one of the ordinary prevarications of the everyday world, and, more over, to make the crime more grievous, he had persisted in adher- ing to his original mendacious statement. “Do you know, my lad,” asked a fatherly clerk, in a kindly fashion, “what becomes of young lads who trifle with the truth?” “Same old thing, Jedge—prayin’ for rain or shine as they’re needed, an’ predictin’ the end of the world whenever the signs p'int that way.” —Atlanta Constitution. “ee Something Behind It “Who's the toastmaster tonight?” Yobbleson.” treat Scott, how did they ever | come to choose such an insufferable pinhead as Wobbleson for toast- “Aye,” was the assured reply; | master?” “hoases send them out as drum- “Wobbleson is paying for the ™mers when they grow up.” banquet.” The Town’s All Bald-Headed! Noticed It? First Seattlelte—D’ye notice it—the Clemmer theatre? Second Seattleite—Yeh; ‘nd the Denny block, and all the rest. Firat Seattleite—The Bon Marche and MacDougall & Southwick —what the dickens IS the matter with them? They look baldhead- ed, or as if they'd just had a shave or haircut. Second Seattielte—'Nd t it, too—it looks bare, somehow. First Seattielte—Oh, | hi now. THEY'VE TAKEN DOWN THE SHRINE DECORATIONS! (And then, it being a warm day, they went and had a little something.) STAR—WEDNESDAY, JULY 21, 1915. PAGE 4. TWO WEEKS HIS is the season of the year when man takes his vacation, He hies him off to woods and lakes in search recreation. He pulls an oar ‘neath scorching sun; his hands and neck he scorches, His bed is hard, his room is hot as 47 torches. The poison ivy swells his hands, the sunburn peels his shoulders. He eats canned beef and milk condensed and biscuit hard as boulders. He builds a fire down on the beach and sits and chokes and strangles. Mosquito, chigger and the flea for his shrink- ing flesh hold wrangles. Two weeks of torture he endures, then hies him back to store. And works for 50 dismal weeks to do it all more. of once HEADED BY A LIE HE suffragists are entirely right in pronounc- ing the opening phrase of New York's proposed new constitution—‘We, the people,” etc.—a lie. Only the he part of the state’s people are mak- ing up that constitution, The same deceit and inaccuracy are perpetrated in the constitution of the United States. The pre- amble of the latter starts with this same “We, the people,” and even that great document, The Dec- laration of Independence, has the same _ taint. “When,” it says, “in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people,” etc., and then it goes on to speak of the sufferings and rights of Stella and Gertic - eer 44. SWEET LADY You | (BUYA DA FRUIT DISA Bite ee S- A Big STRONG GUY Like YOU OUGHT To BE ASHAMED, POLISH: “mankind.” ate ia It is pretty late in the day for constitution- makers to overlook the truth that “people,” “human events,” “mankind” and their like apply to women as well as men, New York's new constitution ought at least to start out with a truth, BURNING UP MONEY OUR Uncle Sam’! has quite a bunch of heavy smokers. For instance, millions of men and some few women spent $700,000,000 for tobacco last year. Many people have been out of work and times in some localities have been “hard,” yet the tobacco habit has been going right along entirely undisturbed by lack of work or hard times, it seems, For cigars we spent $446,000,000! Cigarets cost us $73,000,000. Smoking and chewing tobacco set us back $157,000,000! Snuff extracted $24,000,000 from our pocket- books! Despite the great anti-cigaret fight that has been waged in the United States, the production of “coffin nails’ has increased 450 per cent in the last 10 years. Cigars and smoking tobacco in- creased a little. Plug tobacco has about held its own. The production of snuff has about doubled in the last 10 years. IT HOT? EDITOR THE STAR: Why ie it warm in summer time? Is It because the earth is nearer to the sun than it Is in winter? A READER To understand why we have warm weather LOWY, MISTAH DUFF, IN DE KITCHEN " WDE KrrcHen If! | TMe a mon GREECE LE. AINT YOU GOT ING APPLES ANY Bi AN TOTING oe * a ie GUM FOR TESSIE TELLS BINGO SHE WILL ONLY MARRY A MAN WITH MONEY! - | FYou AINT SMART A BiT. COME ALL By mail, oat of city, one your, 61.50) 6 months, $1.90; 50 per month ap to @ months. Dy carrier, city, 260 = month, Kntored at #eattle, Wash, postoffice as second-class mat in summer we must understand that the earth does not move around the sun in a circle, but it follows a sort of oval path called an ellipse. In the North. ern hemisphere the earth is now in such a position in this oval pathway that the sun’ trike the earth more directly than they did six months ago, when it was cold. Because it strikes straight thry the blanket the air makes around the earth, and not slantwise, as it will when the earth changes its position, we get the full benefit of the sun’s heat, the air is hot, and we have warm weather. ray A HANDLESS man has bees wyer in Chicago, } use No man can be a lav isn't both mitts out all the time WHILE GENERALLY w such prace tices, we confe certain admira the French soldier who found time between fights in the trenches to manufacture counterfeit coins and circulate them thry an entire English brigade WELL, FOR a fellow they refused to recognize, Huerta is getting a whole lot of recognition. Gen a mar THE GREATEST « st now in these times of high food prices is some genius to invent a way of making summer squash and Ben Davis apples edible AY SOME FELLOWS never think of the Better Babies be movement until the neighbor's kid howls all night with the « colic LIGHTNING ENTERED a Lenox, Mass., garage and stole a monkey-wrench. That’s the only thing that can get even with a garage. AN AMERICAN, it develops, invented the idea of spouting chloride gas into the enemy's trenches. We that American never will be placed in the Hall of Fame ——p Oy | TsEE Tee RETR. wesesasseses ¢ TODAY'S ODDEST STORY | | MINNEAPOLIS, July 21.—An | inventory of the furniture in the new postoffice building is | being delayed, while officials | are seeking to determine the difference between a cupsidor | and a spittoon. There are sev- eral of each in the new fur- niture. No dictionary makes any distinction between them and while Arthur H. Remcle and a corps of assistants are working on the puzzle, the in- | ventory lags. banish from your head be a king! — NO SUNDAY FUNERAL. PORTLAND, July 21 & protest by grave diggers against working seven days a week, no j more funerals will be held on Sun-| day in Portland. ~—-Following | ple until the hour was late. after while. |Save The Baby Use the reliable ‘HORLICK'SS | ORIGINAL Malited Milk upply exceeds demand. down bat NIX ON THE KING BUSINESS! BY CHARLES B, DRISCOLL And now, my son, commencement past, the shouting died away, your new diploma safely framed, you'd best be making hay. is shining now, you know, as it won't always shine, so may I ask you to whip up, while still the going’s fine? intend to do to earn your bread, but there's one notion that I wish you'd Sell books, break banks, tend bar, or paint, do any Attle thing, that may bring in some honest dough, but do not So many stout and healthy boys have got a notion vain that being king would be a lark, | There is no business on the earth where prospects are less bright, no Job that I can think of which has so much grief in sight. be the caper for a king to sit in state, and soak up wine and cake and : This method of procedure, tho, is going out of style, and there won't be any sponge cake for the poor kings Meantime, a lot of clerks and tars and dropping bombs on fine large kings, and making tubs o king goes out to dinner now with tennis nets all ‘round, and when the bombs begin to pop he crawls upon the ground | with pick and spade, and quickly crawls therein; his servants bathe his forehead, and put plasters on his chin unsafe, with wars on every hand, and yet Uneasy always la kingly crown, but now it positively aches, So seek some other job, my son, now that you've come to I didn’t raise my boy to be a blooming king, get that? The sun} n.y, tusdy—t gess sum peepel just ask questions becaus they like I don't know what you may is like that the other afternoon over to the house where gorgte Ives up in the bronnix and there was nobody at home when she rung the frunt bell & she came around to the back yard where gorgie was wurking to beet the band in the garden which mr wiffen started becaus he read sum garden storeys ritten by mr prof spade gorgie told me to him, is your this afternoon you suppose { wood be out here wurking my head off in the garden if she wusent sitting rite there in |the kitchen winder keeping an eye This thought gives me a pain It used to -boys are noise. A The kidneys are the mort overworked organs of the human body, and when He digs a hole|iney tai in their work of filtering out and throwing of na developed The kinging job {s most |! the system, th enin to happen the. fir nings t# pain ¢ # in the humbler crafts, the head that wore a while bombs are raining One at noms In the lower part of the © symptoms Indl ed and fatal Upbutids every pert of the body eMctenthy, Me ed by thou thers and Nurses the world over for ® querer of @ tentury. of Physiciany, ALBERT HANSEN Jeweler and Silveremith Convenient, no cooking nor eddiionad equited. Simply dinscivein water Agrees when other foods often foil, Sample free, HORLICK’S, Rocine, Wis, WT No Substitute ae HORLICK Is Now Located at His New Btore 010 Beoond Ave, Near Madi Nee he aly bee ay for which there ts You can alm diate relief in ON Capsules this famous pr falling remedy | Pastourized. Regular 10¢ milk, | funded Prices, 25¢ © and $1.00. te o of delivery, profit, ure you get the GOLD MEDAL brand. phookKeeping | and ‘ac: | None counts. Bring bottle. STALLS 4, 17, 8,| | For nd guaranteed by the Ow! | Lower Floor, Pike Place Market. Drug | closed seasons for | The Junior Office Boy | to talk & gorgie wiffens ant jane no little boys of her own or as ! she comes ask questions to be talking howdyedoo, gorgie, his ant said) mamma at home| wouLD SHOW 'EM MARKETS of corse she ts, replys gorgte, do| 'GET NEW KIDNEYS! | sale. | tell them as much as I could. « | ot appetite ester, N. Y., asked me what those even stone tn! 5 1 arg | een one, But in this case I was and I think that we should our markets one of the show places, to the women tonriety oe pecial Yours sincerely, JOHN H. WHITE. VISITORS AT NAVY — YARD TO REGISTER | BREMERTON, July 21.—If you visit the navy yard or any of the ships you must register, This i the new rule, promulgated by See retary Daniels, which is in here today. The rule resulted from the fact that there have |numerous fires on battleships of |the Atlantic fleet coincident with the Holt bomb mysteries, Visitor# | to the yard have not expressed any | dissatisfaction with the new order sinanvinigeeneineeneaitmatiaiianteininiadaan on me all the time | i gees gorgies ant jane aint got menshuned befour she just likes to johny Inthe Editor’s Mail Editor Star: It occurs to me that one of the best advertisements for Seattle is being overlooked, and that is our wonderful markets. I would suggest that a man and woman be placed at each of the markets whose duty it would be to | ‘See Me About Your show strangers around and explain the system, and tell about the iat E E T H fruits and vegetables that are on I tell you exactly what your work wiil cost by free examina- tion, and guarantee your work for 15 years. Offices I was at the Pike Street market | yesterday and made it my duty to A buach of Shriners from Roch- established years, and my high work at such low has made my the largest in the world, I give $2 worth of work for every $1 pald to me. Open evenings until hig berries in boxes were. They eferred to loganberrie®, which they bought and proceeded to do- your and pronounced them great Another bunch from the Middle tates asked where they could see some crabs, saying they had never compelled to explain that we have most of our fish, ete, and that this was the closed season for crabs, There will be thousands of strangers fn the city this summer, ARE of Imita- 4 imposters just one door south of my offices who call them- a selves “The Right Dr, Brown,’