The Seattle Star Newspaper, April 24, 1914, Page 4

STAR ov NhwsrarEns THE SEATTLE OF SCKIPPS NORTHWEST LRAGUD Datly by The 8 exchange connecting all Suspense That Tortures JN GREAT mental settlement Scientists as to old Roosevelt has shot - From the innermost wilds of far-off Brazil, where the) ulbul roars his bul and the gentle tapir placidly tapirs, there| "recently came the startling report that the Colonel had been} $0 fortunate as to bag what Washington authorities on “fatna pronounced to be.a specimen of the curucui P This is an exceedingly rare bird, not so small and yellow} Sas a canary nor so big and ornery as a crow. Its song is Said to much resemble what the milkman says when, at 4:18), > @ m.,, he slips on your icy sidewalk with four quarts of milk "and 16 pints of cream in his arms. | » The curucui is nocturnal in its habits and difficult to! | > We have often heard nocturnal husbands explaining to} their wives that they had been out hunting the curucm and} Were about to rejoice over the Colonel's having bagged one,| ) when certain New York authorities on foreign and domestic fauna announced that the victim of the Colonel's unerring} ‘and scientific rifle was not a curucui at all but a spalacopus| i, of the family trogonidae. ce the Colonel's return from Africa with the threat 6 make dogmeat of Bill Taft, we've always hated the spala-} poeppigi, many of whom the Colonel encountered on) great game trails to the no small disturbance of his} ‘ament. f it’s a curucui and he safely returns with the tt Colonel has performed a service of inestimable advantage fi married men. But, if it's only the ordinary four legged | four-times spavined spalacopus poeppigi, oh shucks! inwhile, the suspense is enough to drive a fellow back to canal tolls business. a CONGRESSMAN ALBERT JOHNSON wired Gov. Lister an offer to i" for the war. Aw, Albert! Why bother the governor? Don't you yw where the recruiting office le? out Water os } OST of us realize the importance of pure water when! we can't get any. But ordinarily we never give it it, even when we're newly mounted on the water) await that distress it we by the what is our friend Col. a Do you know, for instance, that 75 per cent of the! ass you carry around when you put on your clothes in morning is water, pure H-O? That, assuming the scales| gister you at 150 pounds, 113 of those pounds would go steam if you should happen to get to a certain very ong fell, that’s a fact. A man is almost as well watered! railroad. And here’s another fact: Just to keep the! ture in you at the right degree of fluidity, just to make) for the body's evaporation and leakage through dis- ‘ou need, every day, to take into you, through food Pariak, an ounce of water for every pound and seven- that you weigh. yy you weigh 150 pounds. This means that you need Bily water dosage of more than half a gallon simply to from becoming crusty and dusty. But there’s one fine thing about water as a beverage; you | need to be afraid of an overdose. It cleans the “innerds” rainfall flushes a sewer—so don't be afraid to go to it ly and often. 's looking at you! know who are the real i gta had dary Pitciiten Auten taties and Anti-Referendum " 2. 93 Flip-Flop’’ Aleck t, INDEED, is a wise man who knoweth what the day may bring forth in the senatorial adventure of Alex tr. Today he’s in the race. Tomorrow he’s out of it le next day he offers to withdraw if George H. Walker Dillin or Will H. Parry would act as his substitute. ollowi1 y he’s back in the ring. And, ‘ally, one oughtn’t to blame Flip-Flop Falconer ‘much. It took him a long time in the first place, you re- iber, to declare himself a candidate. He wobbled for days weeks. His announcement was up in cold print when he called it off. So, with a start like that, Aleck is surely lleged to withdraw and enter the race about once every while Falconer flip-flops, Ole Hanson should worry. SPEAKING OF those canal tolls, Bryan says that changes have place since the adoption of the Baltimore platform. Sure! trish over in New Jersey have gone to electing republicans to con- for one thing. FORTY MEASURES aiming at constitutional amendments are in "the congressional hopper, and a whole lot of them make the judiciary jeir target. LOS ANGELES man goes to jail because his wife names the baby! " while he Insists on “Helen.” Put all other marital question: shelf. Which shall name the baby? Parties with set opinions on will please not bring them to this office. OUR IDEA of nothing at all—A pink tea mayor and a Hinky Dink | THERE'S MANY a slip between the man who wears a fiag on his and the recruiting office. “CALIFORNIA DRY in 1916!” No, It’s not a warning to save your ton water; it's the prohibitionists’ shibboleth, and Is already quite yell. HURT SO that he has to wear corsets, Ernest Ackerman sues a ind firm for $25,000 damages. Let us discuss “Would you wear for $25,0007” é 98000088 Cheap Dental Wor Expensive & vast difference between “DIANA, YOU CAN UST MR. NUTTE HELP YOU FIX THE LUNCH, HE'S SUCH A WILLING HELPER.” ‘There is who claim to} ee oF bridge. | werk and then sei! you cheap junk for “bridgework under another name THE BYST 18 THK CHEAPEST in the world, $2.50 to § of Testh oe world f 7 me above is a guarantees your work will be of the best, fell you exactly what | y at your | will cost by free examination | as we sivertion your friends about us. ALBANY CUT RATE, DENTISTS QUEAK FReM rc Tam oo perplexed. When we have Eastern time next summer, when will My 4 o'clocks open upt—A. RK. It seems quite difficult for some people to understand time, though all the problems con- nected with it are quite simple. When it is 4 o'clock, Bastern time, any afternoon next sum- mer ft will be only 3 o'clock, standard time. But as we will gain an hour of daylight under Eastern time your 4 o'clocks will open just as they always have, at 4 o'clock, What kind of stockings will be tn style this year?—Sersh H. Garden hoes will be the most Popular until the weather be comes real warm. What wil you ‘ane me for a half dollar of 197¢?-—L. B Forty cents. Bring around as Many a8 you can find. What kin@ of paste should I cover « Preteel with tn order to make the ait Mtick to ft?—Mre. T. BG. Do not cover the pretzel with paste. After you have lald {t out according to the diagram you are following, and while the dough is still soft, push Iumps of salt into the’ dough and drive them in with a tack hammer. Easter Booklets, Novelties and Post Cards now i Carts trom 100 Order now. ENTERPRISE NOVELTY WORKS First Av. Kenttle i | Jeweler and Silversmith i Is Now Located at His } New Store } | | | q | 1010 Second Ave. Near Madison. Bpernc@P DIANA DILLPICKLES IN "WHY CHeseTeR- MRS. “TRUG, THREE OF MY FRIENDS HAVE JUST Come Home WITH MG FoR DINNGR— IS IT ABouT Reavy £ 3 (T'S AGOUT Reany } JUST GeT IN THERE AND ENTERTAIN fa FRIENDS WHILE I CHEERFULLY PREPARS FoR THE UNEXe PecTen Hie Choice “What kind of meat have | have you this morning?” | asked the husband, of the butcher. | “The best steak we have | | ever had, sir,” replied the butcher. “Here youre, sir; as*emooth as velvet and as | | tender as a woman's heart.” | | The husband looked up | | and said: “I'll take sausage.” | ° ° HATS KAVANAGH’S First and Union. 1006 First, at Madison. bald DENTISTS System of plate work. Spo- het offering for this week only: $5—Plates—$5 We also do crown and bridge work. $3—Per Tooth—$3 Guaranteed dentistry for the least money. NATIONAL DENTISTS N. W Corner of 4th and Pike. A FOR RENT ad in The Star Wants reaches more homes in one evening than there are people passing your home in a week. i WHAT*ARG YOU DOING *ALC RIGHT, MAMMA? WITH THAT BAR oF LAUNDRY FiscD NuTTe! Guests tlt [ohnny Writes ®. ¥. mundy—fat men has cer | tenly got their trubbles | evryboddy t# laffing at a big feller that Ives up on washing. | ton hites he ts a deacon tn the church and a offiser in the y. m. ¢. « and he would no more touch a f Hecker than he would set io an orfin asylum | well, he noticed he was all the | time getting bigger around the | equator, so be went to hin dock aud he asked the dock how to wet rid of some of hia surplus better take @ long walk every day, mye the dock, that's the best thing 1 know 90 the next afternoon he nock- ed off work early and got off the subway about 3 miles from his house and started to walk home gee, the poor guy, he petered out when be had gone about 2 | miles, and he set down on a beneb tn a little park to rest when he tried to get up and tear off another lap, he was all in, he coulda’t even git up off the bench he got part way up a cuppel of times, then he would flop back just then a litte girl came along and she watched bim a few minutes, and then she says, 1 help you up, mister why, he mya, you are too lit- tle, my child oh no { ain't, says the child, 1 have helped my pa up lota of times when he was 4 great deal drunker than what you are he busted out laffing, as tired as he was, and then he sent the little girl after a taxicab when he got home he told the | nd now whenever any of ds see him setting down, 7 hello, bill, drunk agen? JAIL FOR DEBT | | NEW YORK, April 24—While |her eldest daughter, 8 years old, keeps house for her husband and four other children, Mra. Glecchina |Galle, with her youngest baby, to- |day began a three months’ term in |Ludiow prison as a judgment for necessary money # ago, Mrs. Galle sold her fruit The buyers said she misrep- |resented the bargain and obtained ja judgment for $188 against her, which she could not pay. Impris- onment followed. IT’S EQUAL RIGHTS CHICAGO, April 24—A woman footpad, who held up Walter Close, stole only a kiss, She returned 40! cents to another man because she didn’t like to see him “broke.” HA ~ HA— DON'T SAy A WORD, LITTLE ong! — I'M «PREPARING A CHEESE SNOwicH FOR A CERTAIN PARTY? e—— “Now, Freddy, go out and play with the little boy next door. He's #0 nice.” But I don't like to play with that little boy, mamma. He {isn’t nice at all. He runs into the bouse every time I shoot an ar- row into his back,” eee ; 1 Th’ Beeleyeport definition of an able-bodied man is one | whe kin eat three square meals a day an’ pitch horse shoes without fatigue.” ° eee Similar “This soup reminds me of something I've tasted before.” “Ob, do tell us what,” asked the expectant landlady. “Well, I can't remember ex- actly, but {t's some place or other where I was in «wim- ming.” OLD AS SPHINX, Are a Friend to thousands. Our regard is shown by lessening the burden on your pocketbook, S6e Rubberset Tooth Brush Different patterns to ch 20¢ 14n. Rubberset Varnish or Pa 20¢ 1%-In. Rubberset Varnish or Paint Brush . . 1-02, spool 14, 20 or 22 gauge Brass Spring Wire.... $6.00 24-1n. American and Grade Finder e seee 10¢ 9x6x3 Bread Pan .......6..+++ 10e lightweight, Basy Writing Pen F % pint Orange Shellac ... +e Pint Orange Shellac ... Quart Orange Shellac .... mbined Level Handle Tbe 24ght Benjamin Wall Cluster ‘25¢ Spinning’s Cash Stor 1415-1417 FOURTH AVENUE SEES ITS FINISH CAIRO, Egypt, April 24— The discovery of a building an- tedating the Sphinx is an- nounced by Prof, Naville, the distinguished Egyptologist. The building ie « vast subter- ranean structure adjoining the tomb of Osiris at Abydos, it is 90 feet long, 60 feet wide, and Is surrounded by a wail 18 feet thick, The roof is supported by enormous granite pillars. A canal runs around the building. Prof. Naville believes the struc- ture to have been a@ reservoir, and the oldest specimen of masonry so far discovered in Egypt. CHICAGO, April 24.—This kind of fiction, “She found herself in his arms; his lips smothered hers in burning kisses,” ete. is on the way to the rubbish heap, according |to 8. 8. McClure, magazine publish- \*r. who says the public is turning |from stories of doubtful propriety |to tales that can be told in mixed company. “The public is getting tired of having ‘sex’ eternally dinned into its ears,” said McClure today. “I | predict confidently that within a |few months sex problem stories will |be banished from the pages of rep- utable magazines.” | FIRST BEAUTY contest on record was when Artaxerxes soured on Queen Vashti and ordered ali the beautiful maidens to parade before him so he might pick a new wife. Esther won, largely because unadorned with diamonde, green hair, slit skirt or such like fripperies, while the others rigged themeelves up to beat the band. And it's the only case on rene where there wasn't any kick as to the superiority of the prize winner. HEEL- PROOF FLOOR PAINT washes well, ‘wears off; as it does not apply. Made in ten beauti upon request—from yo It is sold in Seattle and ers in paints. let us know. If SEATTLE PAINT CO. MANUFACTURERS, Third Avenue So. and Jackson Street, SEATTLE, Paint every wall in your house with this the time. produces, just take a damp new washable paint and keep them spotless all When grease spots and finger prints mar the siiky, dull finish which LAVOLOID rag and rub them out, LAVOLOID ts very easy to apply, brushes out smoothly and dries quickly. can supply you LAVOLOID in snow white or thirteen delicate tints, shown on our Your dealer color cards, SEATTLE PAINT CO. MANUFACTURERS, SEATTLE. WA -HA~ HA? —— . HE Bir 3!"