The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, December 19, 1905, Page 8

THE SAN FRANCISCO CALL JOHN D. SPRECKELS. ADDRESS ALL COMMUNICATIONS TO STREETS, SAN FRANCISCO DECEMBER 19, 1903 AUSTRALIAN IMMIGRATION. STRALIA, including the governments of New South Wales, Queensland, South Australia, Victoria and West Australia, has an area of 3,077,377 square miles, with a population of New York with an area of 49,170 square «.miles, has a population of 8,000,000. The money per capita in Australia is $9 11. While the interior is a desert, the tillable land of the colonies great- v exceeds that of New York. The population increases slowly, and 1ce the socialization of the Government there is a marked decrease i private enterprise, which is not made up by public enterprise. The re ing the Government to furnish employment at a fixed i to provide labor pensions has seemed to check individual and effort 2 1ere is apparent a feeling that the country requires defensive as well as developmental purposes. Aware last « Booth, with the vast resourcés of the Salvation as offered to transfer 5000 families from Lon- | wded cities of the British Isles to Australia, for the colonization of land and for service in the trades and handicrafts. igration scheme would serve two purposes, both It would drain off the distress that exists in o overcrowding, and would furnish Australia a addition to the population. The Australian | and colonial, however, are entirely under the s wholesale imr A d to Australians by the placing of a compulsory land act on the statute book.” ning of this is not exactly clear, though it is sup-| Yosec be a proposition for the compulsory redistribution of the | its purchase at whatever price the Government chooses to | is the United States should offer every citizen back | id for the public domain at $1 25 per acre, and pro- in new ownership at that or a less price, or for noth- a policy is adopted in Australia, as it may be, for the in control and can do as it pleases, it is easily fore- | v vears the process may be repeated and there will | as certainty and permanency of land tenure. It is ely doubtful whether such a system will invite immigration. | 1e closing of Australia to immigration is one cause of the| on to the United States. It comes heré with-| by any scheme for the renationalizing of land. | ifornia the facility with which immigrants, by | ire land by private purchase. There is ro , acqu interference here with-the land tenure laws, ex- pr i capt s restrictions of tenure to citizens, natural or naturaliz | Men 1 i nty of tenure and with the assurance that what » their Tabor adds to it goes into the price when they want | to sell. They the assurance also that the land will always | have buyer to take it. In New York with a population of | 8,000,000 and less t 000 square miles of land, there is con- 1 ¢ of ownership by private sale, and no complaint is heard tl i [ 1 when the buyer seeks it with money € h A writer in the London Econc mis 1y of Victoria, where there T domain that is tillable, there are plenty of im- | I ays in the market for buyers. { It in the interest of the United States that | the ex am of immigration turned this way shall be di-| men have opportunities for ndenc al cry in Australia for a has been “Whi Chinese and other Asiatic been entirely excluded, and white labor has declined to Government for employment at a wage fixed s political power. Of course Government can ages only by some form of taxation, and the | ient employment and Government ownership has taxation. It is to be hoped that the federated Ily reach some plan that will effect an increase in merely for defensive purposes, but to increase 1 output and international trade exchanges. Their | iter into the general wealth of the nations of the | sea trade of that ocean. The subject is espe- tention of California, because by reason of their | -r, there is a great opportunity for increas- | cts. where parts of the earth, worth winter being our su s a < aariows | INCREASE OF FARMERS’ WEALTH. ! - — | ROSPERITY of American farmers, as shown by the annual | report of Secretary Wilson of the Department of Agriculture, | foots up figures of rapid increase that are almost incredible. | exchange of pr i The Secretary says that dreams of wealth could hardly equal the | statements of products and profits. “Every sunset during the pas five years has registered an increase of $3,400,000 in the value of | the farms of this country.” Since the taking of the last census, for | the vear 1899, the value of farm products has increased 36 per cent, | In just the last two years the increase is 8 per cent. break The record | g aggregate of wealth production by the farmers is' now 000,000, and that is an increase over the previous year of $256,000,000. During the last sixteen years the exports of farm | products have amounted to $1,000,000,000 more than enough to buy all the railroads of the country at their commercial value. i Certainly it would appear that we have never in our history had so much cause for an enthusiastic Thanksgiving day as on the one just past. Not only do the farm products and the value of the farms show great increase, but there has been a remarkable multi- plication of small national banks which are the outgrowths of farm- ers’ savings. In about five years there have been 1754 of these es- tablished. Just in the last year the increase in bank deposits in farming districts has been astonishing in many sections, ranging from 13 to 25 per cent. In the south central States it was 22.8 per cent, These figures- would be gratifying at any time, but they are especially so just now when the terrible industrial depression and lack of employment in England make the contrast of our prosperity so striking. The best remedy for such depressions is held by ex- perts to be “back to the land,” and certainly we have wonderful re- sources in the way of wealth producing land to get back to in case our need should come to urge that as a remedy for hard times. We have a good fortune still better than that, however, for our farms are proving so successful it is probable so large a proportion of the population will continue to find the land and its cultivation so at- tractive we shall be able to maintain a balance of plenty produced to eat and plenty of employment. The present rural population is about 35 per cent, and if the prosperity goes on at this rate the farmers will have produced in the next tep years an amount of wealth footing up one-half of the national riches produced in three centuries. The Court fined ex-Congressman Dinsmore $50 for carrying 3 pistol and $1 for hitting the Governor. Carrying a deadly weapon in Arkansas is considered a serious offense, while licking the Governor is accounted a trivial breach of the statutes.—Dallas News. ———— e The nose of Theodore Roosevelt Jr. is on straight again. I.t is said to be 2 little straighter than it was before, which is the only good thing heard of football this season.—Elmira Gazette. N S If Charles Schwab gets a seat in the Senate he will have it upholstered in red velvet tacked on with diamond-studded nails.—Chicago Post. : 5 It cost $1,000,000 to elect the President. The defense will probably be that the people got their money’s worth.—Washington Post. ! P A Occidental "~ Accidentals By A.J. Waterhouse | | = ALY 118 M FINDING OUT. . 7 'M finding out some little things ] never knew before; I'm gaining information as 1 journey ’ L on my way; | A I've learned the mediocre chap 1 used to | hate of yore BN May have some striking virtues I would like to own to-day. | 1 have seen a hardened sinner whe feit for hapless men— His feeling touched his pocketbook, while mine stopped short of there— My robe of virtue was of rags dragged in the mire and fen, Compared with this one kindly act that cased a soul's despair. SOMESTENNSENSS I L I Lol T STV SRS BRI BT IT NI 7 iz s v 7 7E 8 PO, A Jittle lad who papers sold had in & doorway dropped, O’erburdened by the thankless day and by the care to come; A woman of the lower world was all ¢ the one who stopped To give her sin-carned dollar to that baby of the slum; And madam, gracious madam, soul and skirts are white, Who feel yourself contaminate by err- jng woman's touch, . ‘What if some day you hear O"E say: | “For this fair deed of right, Come In, poor soul, where all is love, | for yop bave suffered much.” S NN whose ISR SNSRI AN SOASEVRRTRUV BRI AR R e e I'm finding out some i never knew before; o That Wrong may sit upon a throne and Right in hovels dwell; That we sometimes salaam deeply to the | rascal's gilded store, H While we say, “Poor Brown is honest, | but then, you know—oh, well!” | 1 am learing that man's balance may be little things, greatly out of plumb, May vary from the scales of God most perplexing way; And so I wish these iips of mine might evermore be dumb— But, then, they will not—ere they dare | a word unkind to say. in | SOS AN 777 ASS o v . HER QUEER DREAM. . “I had the queerest dream last night,” she sald to her husband. "I was sitting in this very room, when, the first thing I knew, two persons were pressnt, and | 1 knew at once that they were angels 7 2 This highly interesting snapshot. re- produced from the Philadelphia North American, was made at Princeton dur- ing the army and navy football game. | 4= 5 ] —% | because they had wings, and kept their | FOOTBALL FACE OF THE PRESIDENT. hands folded, and looked as if they had - - -% | consumption, as angels generally look in pictures by the great masters.” “Were the angels men or women?" her | husband inguired. | “They were women, of course. There| are no men angels except four or five, | and they are called archangels because } It pictures the president at the moment | when the West Point cadets were | pushing the ball over the line for a touchdown, i _ ANSWERS. CARDS—W. A. J.,, Miller, Cal. You ask | a question in regard to cards, but do not mention the game. For that reason the question cannot be answered. FEATHER-WEIGHT CLASS—E. W, City. In the feather-weight class in the Olympic Club tournament, Febru- ary, 1903, -J. Carroll won the first prize and Joseph Lahey the second. POSTAGE OF STAMPS—Reader, City. In The Call of November 21, 1905, you will find a full explanation of the meaning of the placing of position of postage stamps on envelopes. This in the department of Answers to Queries. CIVILIAN EMPLOYES—J. C., City. To ascertain whether an appropriation was made during the time that U. 8. Grant was President of the United States for the benefit of civilian employes in_the quartermaster’s department at Fort Davis in 1867-8, you will have to write to the War Department at Washing- ton, D. C. HORSE RACE—R. H. Q. City. The an- swer to the question, “I bet one horse would beat another, which he did, accord- ing to the form chart, but neither of these | horses ran in the money. The party I bet with claims that the bet is off. Is he right?” is that as neither horse was in the money the bet is off unless both par- ties agreed to go by positions on the form chart. TAMALPAIS—E. G. City. The mountain in Marin County asked about was named for a tribe of In- dians that lived in that section long | before the Amerlcan settlement. It was called the Tamal Tribe and the mountain was named Tamal Pails, the country of the Tamals. The pronun- ciation is according to the Spanish sound, ta-mal-pa-is, with the a in the first syllable as in Tacoma; a in the second as In malprison and the third a as in papa, and the last’ syllable sounded as if written eas. GRAND BANK—A. N. 8., Oakland, Cal. What is known as the “grand bank in the Atlantic Ocean,” also known as the “telegraphic plateau,” lies east of New- foundland, is about 60 miles long, 200 | wide and from thirty to sixty fathoms below the sea level. On this lie subma- rine cables, It Is supposed to have been formed by the precipitation of gravel, earth and stone brought from Greenland by lcebergs and released from the fce by the action of the warm water of the gulf stream. The grand bank is ome of the most noted codfishing regions of the world. i THE BIG TREES—S8ubscriber, City. There is no certainty as to the age of the giant sequoias or big trees of Cali- fornia. Dr. Gray, the famous botanist, after examining a number of these trees that had Dbeen cut down, said: “So far as we can. judge by actual counting of the largest of these trees nc sequoia now alive can sensibly ante- date the Christian era.”. On the other hand, Jolin Muir, the botanist and ge- ologist, in speaking of a sequoia that had been cut down for exhibition at the Centennial Exposition, said: “It was twenty-five feet in diameter at the base, and so fine was the taper that it + e arch means funny, and funny means queer, and naturally it is queer that| there should be even four or five men angels.” | “I see,” sald the husband. | “Of course you do. It's so clear that you couldn’t help seeing, or/ probably you | would. Well, the angels were talking, and one of them sald, ‘What are you | doing nowadays? and the other re-| plied, ‘Oh dear! I have been delegated to keep a record of the deeds of that Mrs, Browne, and it keeps me so busy | that sometimes I almost feel that I am | tired.’” Then the other one sald, ‘T used | to get almost tired in that way, too, but | now 1 have got onto a soft snap, and | the job does not almost weary me any | more.” ** ‘How do you work it?" the first angel asked, and the second angel replied, ‘Why, if 1 am keeping the record of a woman's decds, T just ask one of her feminine neighbors if she will kindly keep a memorandum of little things she notices about that woman. The result is more full and complete details than | I myself could hope to secure.’ | “‘Why, what a perfectly splendid | idea!' the first angel safd, ‘I wonder | if T could get some kind feminine neigh- | bor of Mrs Browne's to do that for me? “Well, .naturally I wanted to do some- thing to please an angel, and so I spoke right up and said: ‘Mrs. Browne is a | neighbor of mine, and I will willingly ! keep the record for you, for I have noticed a great many things about that Then the angel thanked me ever FORCE OF HABIT. Senator Beyeridge desired to illus- trate strongly the force of habit. “In Sullivan, where I spent ‘my boy- hood,” he said, “there was a physician whom everybody liked: a hard-work- ing, modest, absent-minded man. “This physician was the guest of honor one Tranksgiving at the house of a leading cltizen, and when®the gay assemblagé entered the dining room the leading citizen said to him: “ ‘Now, doctor, on account of your surgical skill, I'll ask you to carve. That bird is a twenty-four pounder, and yet'hg is as young and tender as a spring pullet. None but yo : could do Jjustice to him.’ | “The physician, his mind on other things, smiled absently, took the head of the table, raised the knife, and made a deep incislon in the breast of the turkey. % “Then he frowned, rummaged In his pocket, and brought out some absorb- ent catton, a roll of bandazes and a paper of pins. With these ‘he proceed- ed to dress and bind up the wound he had made. “The guests were stricken dumb. They looked on in utter amazement. The doctor inserted the last pin and patted the neat dressing he had made. Then he looked up and smiled. “'And now,’ he said, ‘let us hope that in a week, with rest and care, our pa- | WOman’ tient williba onibls. fest again’ - |50 sweatly. and I began to keep the record. Washington Post. GOOD EXCUSE. He was one of the happlest “kids” in town. He stood In front of his home and grinned enthusiastically as he saw the others unwillihngly wending their way toward school. “Come on, Harold,"” shouted several of the boys. £ “Not on your life," answered the re- Joicing Harold. “No school for me to- day. I'm going to stay home.” “What's the matter, sick?” “No. “Your ma sick: Well, why?* “Oh, ‘cause. \You see, my gran'ma’s come to spend the day with mamma and gran'ma she's awful hard o' hear- in'. Mamma's got a cold on her chest and in her neck, and she ean’t talk loud “You would be utterly disgusted, John, if you could see and know the fthings that Mrs. Browne does. Why, the other day the grocer's man stopped there at least seven minutes longef than he ought | to. I know. for I watched. And the eyes that she makes at all sorts of men! Why, they are nauseating! But I Kept the, record, much as It shocked me, and it was dreadful—oh, perfectly odious! “Well, in my dream two or three weeks passed, and then the angels came again, and my angel said she would take Mrs. Browne's record now.\ So I gave it to her, at the same time expressing my re- gret that it revealed such a hideous state of affairs, but the angel merely smiled and said it wasn't a marker to the one her sister had. “Naturally I was Interested, and so I made some inquiries. and, do you know, Jobn, I found out that—that—"" “What s it, dear?” “That the other record was mine. and— enough for gran'ma to hear what she | and—" ¥ e says, so I've' got to stay home to tell “Speak right' out, dear. Don't be gran’ma whatj mamma says. See?'— |afraid.” Indianapolis News. “Why, the mean things actually had got that horrid Mrs. Browne to keep it! Wasn't that a stameful dream?” And what could he say except that it was? Moral—Better. that the angels should keep tabs on us than that we should do it for one another. “Do the Blivens family have to prac- tice economy " “Well, sometimes, possibly, but neyer as long as the baby's bank holds out.” et TWO SIDES. Knicker: Rockefeller sald that mere money getting ‘wasn't’ all there is In lite." Bocker: ' “He’s right. There's an awful lot of mere money losing."—New York Sun, & * —t measured 10.feet in diameter 200 feet from the grgund. The age. as counted by three different persons, was from 2135 to 2317 years, the fineness of the anngel wood rings making accuracy in the - counting rather difficult. One lpechne%ti feet 8 inches In diameter, “Is Smifkins proud?” “1 don’t know as you would call him that, but he thinks that the Lord made him out of a certain kind of clay and then forgot where He found it.” 3 AH SHO'LY DOES NOT UNNERSTAN’. De Lawd made de tree. but de debbil got de frult— in the s River forest, is probably over foul ousand years old.” g FEARFUL, Ah sho'ly does not unnerstan’!— De Lawd made de gyarden, but Adam / had ter scoot, An’ he vanked his Ebe behin’ him w'en he ran. De voice ob de Lawd am bery still an’ small, But de debbil got er voice WHAT DID HE MEAN? rr shake de lan'! De Lawd hab de right. but de debbil hab Be gall— An' Ah sho’ly does not unnerstan’! Ah means foh ter walk in de righteous Ah .sho'ly does not unnerstan’! But de debbil come erleng an’ he gib me de laff, An’ Ah don’ go de way dat Ah plan. De Lawd set de pins, but de debbil roll . de ball, An’ de Lawd hab ter set 'em up ergan: It is fes’ wicked gate dat is wide ernough foh all— An’ Ah sho'ly does not unnerstan’! “I fiever see young Sapleigh but my ‘| soul is lifted up in a great and beauti- ful hope for him." “wWhat Is it?" “That some day he may know one- | fourth as muct as he thinks he does.” “0' course, wile they’s life they's ope.” the poor mother drearily said. “‘But ain't «mmf much fer my son. ““wry not?” the 4 . “Ephr'im 'peared T seen ng reig'ibor be in good | visit with her old friends. ev'ry sacrifice ter | the chances.” Mrs. Frank Deering will be a bridge hostess of to-day, entertaining a score of friends at the very popular game, at which Mrs. Deering is to entertain often during the season. B T Mrs. Willilam Aloysius Sexton will be one of to-day's luncheon hostesses, and the event will be in homor of Miss Elizabeth Painter, whose engagement to George Englehardt was réeently an- nounced. - s etiie Miss Maud Ackerman has set her wedding day with Dr. William C. Voor- sanger to be Thursday of this week. e L Mrs, Eleanor Martin, Miss Florence Ives and Mrs. Emory Winship. were among the box hostesses who enter- tained last evening at the Majestic in honor of the Doctor's Daughters’ benefit. The benefit for the Doctor's Daugh- ters will be preductive of a number of box parties to-day at the matinee. Among the hostesses will be Mrs. Henry J. Crocker, the Misses de Sabla and Miss Jane Hotaling. The Misses de Sabla will entertain Miss Sidney Davis, Miss Emily Mar- ¥in, Miss Amy Brewer and Leonore Brewer. . of Mrs. William Landers were filled yesterday to wel- come Mrs. J; Johnston of Los An- geles, who has been spending a week in town with her parents to enjoy a Mrs. John- ston expects to leave for her home in Los Angeles on Thursday. . . apartments The vaudeville show which is planned to take place at the De Young home on = THE SMART SET By Sally Sharp. New Year's eve is to be filled with mer- riment.. Many vaudeville festures are to be introduced and a number of" original “stunts” will enliven and interest those who are fortunate emough to be om the invitational ]13!.. . o Mrs. J. Parker Currier will be one of to-day's luncheon hostesses, en(-rsnmin‘ at her apartments in st; Dunstan’s. - me. rgaret Barry was the guest ol‘borwr“:t‘::tu on Sunday given by Miss Elsa Draper, who entertained these guests: Miss Grace Mellus of Los Ange- les, Miss Dorothy Dustan, Miss Frances Stewart and Mrs. .Pnll!:a Baneroft. . Miss Frances Stewart was hostess at a very delightful dinmer on Saturday evening preceding -the emtertainment given at the Olympic Club, entertalning Miss Grace Mellus, Miss Dorothy Dus- tan, Miss Elsa Drflpef.l:" Humphrey J. ewart, Geo! de ng. ;‘em. . S.r‘z.; Frederick Greenwood and Frank Corbusier. . - A hop wil! be given this evening at the Presidio by the officers and ladles of the post. Invitations have been extended ta the neighboring posts and to a larga ~ number of town folk. Y The apartments of Mrs. Wiliam Lan- ders were filled with guests yesterday who informally greeted Mrs. Jack John- ston of Los Angeles. Many regrets wers expressed over her short stay. but this popular young matron will return to her Los Angeles home on Thursday. o & & Mr. and Mrs. George S. Fife, with their daughter, Miss Beatrice Fife, are at home again, after an extemsive trip through the United States and Canada. — b AVOID WORKING IN A RUT. 1 | By Angela Morgan. _ b G(‘uurnge. inspiration ‘and power in Often wher we humans are seized IVE your mind a remewing. Take It out of the well-worn grooves In which it frets and tires and droops and give it a chance to gather fresh channels of activity. with weariness and indifference: when we can no longer throw ourselves with energy into our work: ‘when life grows colorless, hard, unbearable, the reason ls largely that the mind is deadly tired of the ruts we have compelled it to follow so long. It Is not physical rest we need so much as Our heaviness and distress are the protest of the vigorous mental renewing. mind against its monotonous environment; our wretchedness is the call of the mind for re- lease from the routine. We need to Most of us live in a rut. average human get out of the rut. By reason of the necessity that compels the being to specialize—to put virtually all of his thought into one occupation until effort becomes mechanical and work a veritable grind —the life of the usual person does only too frequently grow dull and seem-~ ingly unbearable for lack of mental variety. It isn't overwork so often as it Is out before their time. It Is routine, monotony, that wearl work in one groove that wears people es and kills. To the most enthusiastic, conscientious and determined workers there come these seasons of heaviness, when and even the will balks and refuses to do its owner’s a frazzled, miserable times existence seems universe has gone off the key. We fondly imagine it is absolute rest we need; cessatien from all effort. Sometimes for a moment to minimize the importance of rest for the body. effort drags, when life is overcast bidding. At such experience and the entire complete relaxation— this may be the case. I do not mean The phy- gical mechanism does sometimes get out of gear and demands a rest for repairs. However, we often imagine % Is really require. Not effort along the rest we need when effort is what we same old lines, but effort in new direclions of endeavor—effort that starts the blood circulating in neglected brain cells that are fairly atrophied through disuse. Often a “complete rest” at such a time as this fails utterly of its pur- pose, for it gives the morose one time for introspection and indulgence in morbid imaginings. The chances are tion from such a rest feeling not one ever. that one would return to his occupa- whit better and less like work than The most effective way of restoring harmony to a brain and body out of tune—unless that body is really In new impulses, fresh purpose, vigorous before. Indeed, even when it need of repairs—is to give the mind idealy, higher than those it had is apparent that the body is sick and in méed of repairs, it is amazing how potent a fresh and kindling purpose is in re- storing physical heaith and harmony. I have in mind the experience of a woman I know who, at a time in life when trouble nearly wrecked mind and body, and when physiclans urged complete cessation of all effort, launched forth upon the most im- portant undertaking of her hife. In this she not only made a splendid suc- cess, but wholly averted the physical breakdown her doctors had predicted. ‘She had given her mind an entirely new order of impulses and ideas. She had diverted it from its old rut of misery. In return her midd, rejoleing in liberty, in remewed life, vigor and body. harmony, reflected health upon her If you have fallen upon heavy, dragging days of apathy and wretched- ness; if you are longing for a change In your landscape, make the right effort and you will surely see the transformation you desire. Get out of the rut. HONESTY. ; Fifteen or twenty years ago Bill Smith was a well-known character in | a Missourl town. Bill was a colored | boy who roamed the streets at vrm.[ One day he found a pocketbook con- taining $40, and the owner's name was stamped on the book. But Bill burned the pocketbook and spent the $40- in rlotous living. It was found out. and Bill was- arrested. tried and .found guilty, and sent to the penitentiary for two years, He served his time. and when he emerged he knew something about making shoes. The day he re turned to his home town an old aec quaintance met him and asked: “Well, what gld they put you at In B son, Bill?" f th"‘l)pery! ‘:taned in to make an henest boy out'n me, sah." “Phat's good, Bill, and I hope they succeeded.” ‘Dey did. sah.” “And how did they teach you to be honest, Bill?” “Dey done put me in de shoe shop, sah, nailing pasteboard onter shoes fo' soles, sah."—The Commoner. git him through an’ put him on tl JUST KEEP A-BUMPING. Just keep a-bumping and a-bumping along!— Mighty tough trolley and a mighty tough car; And the passengers crowd and the pas- sengers throng, But you are in, and of it and there you are! Rather rocky journey, but the destina- tion's sure— Just keep a-bumping and a-bumping along! $ Grin with the grinners and patiently endure— Only ruffle tempers by a word o'er- strong. ollege—an’ the; football team! Just keep a-bumping and a-bumping on your way!— X Wish they’d grease the trolley and wish they’d fix the car. Conductor comes along and you're surely got to pay— The deadhead and the bummer on the line of life they bar. So just keep a-bumping and a-bump- ing, as you must, o And clutch your strap the harder and smile on other men, 5 For the journey soon is ended, and per- haps when you are dust And have a time resting- you would like to ride again. “He is one of the men who recognize that the Almighty is omnipotent and omnisclent for just one reason.” “What is that?" “Why. He made him.” “She marited him to reform him.” “Did -she succeed?” 5 “Well, no: but he convinced her that it was better to have the fun and take NS Make' new channels for your mind's activities. KNEW ENOUGH. James Francis Burke, a University of Michigan graduate now Congress- man from the Thirty-second District of Pennsylvania, in an address to the graduating class of a Pittsburg school, told the following story: “The president of an ocean liner com- pany was taking a journey across the | water, and, when the ship entered a very dangerous channel, he engaged In conversation with the pilot, who, by the way, was a whiskered old man of 68, with all the appearance of having spent most of his days on the water. The mam1 te remarked: ‘1 suppese you know all the danger- ou!'r%lnces in this channel.’ g “The pilot, looking straight out Into thf A“‘!h(‘ gruffly replied: g’opo.' You don't” said the magnate, very much snlrprl:ed. ‘Then why on earth arg you in charge of that wheel? W) do yxuu know? g1 “ ‘T know where the bad places ain't, coolly replied the old pilot, much to the satisfaction of the agnate.”—Satur- day Evening Post. 55 i 23 WHY NOT? In view of these titles to Hiseg 1abt. popular plays: ‘Woodland. r To-morrow Land, Babes in Toyland, John Bull's Other Island, Ireland, why not these? Jagland, by Bishop Potter; Fatherland, by James Hasen Hyde; Clothesland, by John Drew; Vagueland, by Henry James; l;:;:;l:‘;'d. by Rogers brothers; nd, by Plerpont Morgan; g:nbud. b?um Cy g ny o I-Land, by Tom Ll'mn;om.. CHELOR VIEWS If a man married his cook probably she would give notice just the same. +