The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, November 24, 1901, Page 2

Copyright, 1901, by Doubleday, Page & Co. 8 conversation bears so important a part in soclal intercourse that some attempt toward it is made whenever we meet our fellows, it is strange that we are not all more proficient. It has been suggested that we have reason to be grateful that we have a few conversational formulae, to be used under certain circumstances, such as “How do you do?’ *Good-by,” “Thank you,” “You are very kind,” "I should be delighted.” Fancy the mental strain, if, instead of these, we had to invent some new combination of words to suit each occasion, The charm of agreeable conversation is appreciated by all, while its cultivation is within the reach of each, and we may be our own tutors, Nothing so quickly opens . hospitable doors, and in its influence it may be an evangel, . fome of the Essentials of Good Con- versation. One of its essentials is a well-modulated voice, which always seems a distinguish- ing mark of gentlehood. Much has been sald about our high-pitehed voices, but it will bear reiteration, since it' is in our power Lo change them. All feel the charm of the softly musical voices of English- women, They are like some gweet-toned bell, while a few among us recall the “ear-plercing fife,”” A gentleman, upen escaping from the infliction of such an one, quated to his friend, “And silence like a poultice comes To heal the blows of sound!" We should aim, too, to speak our lan- guage in its purity—"English undefiled"'— eoens THE and with clean-cut. enunciation. clear, There is a cosmopolitan language spoken among educated people everywhere— “‘their speech betrayeth them.” By it we judge their culture, their refinement, their social position. Provincialism and slang are not less a revelation of the absence of these advantages. The subject sug- gests Coleridge’s well-known story of the stranger at a dinner who passed for a dignified and worthy personage until his pleasure at the excellence of the dump- lings caused him to break the silence that had-won him the reputation of wisdom by exclaiming, ‘“Them’'s the jockeys for me!"” No matter what his moral character, whether saint or hero, his mental caliber, his rusticity of breeding, stood confessed. In cases less extreme thé influence would be as conclusive. None should be able to tell by accent or intonation from what part of the country we come, The KFrench know their language so thoroughly that they use it with the pre- cision and sensitiveness with which a cul- tivated musician plays upon his instru- ment, English is more comprehensive, and, well selected, it can fitly express any mood and meet every requirement, but few of us know its resources and have them at command. Charm in Conversation. Entertaining conversation is not alone dependent upon a well-stored mind, a ready wit or broad culture, It lays under contribution qualities of heart as well as head, and should reveal sincerity, sym- pathy and simplicity. We must feel an interest in our subject before we can in- spire it in others, and enthusiasm is con- tagious when it is sincere, It gives ani- SUNDAY CALL. metien to e face, vivacity to the manner and has a thought-compelling power that mids fluency of expression. This and the gushing exuberance that speaks only in superlatives are ‘‘many miles asunder.” Sympathy and adaptability are created in a measure by the desire to please; but one must be sensitive to the mood of one’s audience, and quick to perceive when some one else wishes to speak. There are talkers who, metaphorically, take the bit between their teeth and run away with the subject. When they finally cease, no ong has anything to say, despairing of opportunity. Unselfishness lies at the root of sympathy. Without simplicity no conversation has charm. The moment we perceive that it is labored, or that the speaker seems to calculate the effect of his words, if un- necessary mention is made of desirable acquaintances, or there is a display of at- tainments or mock-innocent vaunting of advantages, that moment do we see through the ‘pose’” and feel only con- tempt for the affedtation and pretense. Truth has a marvelous power of making itself felt in spite of what is said. Self- consciousness is but egotism under a less severe name, and self must be forgotten before we can add to our speech the grace and dignity of simplicity. Subjects of Conversation. The subjects of interesting conversation are, of course, multiplied by increased knowledge of books, of the world of men and women, music, art and travel. One should be familiar with the current news of the day and the topics occupying public attention, with the names and authors of the new books, and be able to say some- thing worth hearing about what one has read and heard. Many get no farther in speaking of a book than that it is dull or interesting. Others give in few words what seem to be its central ideas, its characteristics, the time and scene of its action, quoting perhaps some sentiment that has impressed or witticism that has pleased. One’s conversation may become the cen- ter around which one’s reading and infor- mation are grouped. The habit of mem- orizing with a definite aim in view, and the consciousness of having something to say, give a sense of power. Practice arouses and strengthens the habit of ready selection and quick and apt appli- cation. True culture carries with it an atmos- phere of breadth—the world and not the village. A woman lacking it was said to betray by her conversation a mind of nar- row compass—“bounded on the north by her servants, on the east by her children, on the south by her ailments, and on the west by her clothes!” Some one has sajd that the three “d’s”” are not discussed in polite society—dress, domestics and dis-- eases, The mind grows shallow when perpetu- ally occupled with trivialities. A course of solid reading is a good tonic. When ig- norant of our ignorance, we do not know when we betray ourselves. It is better to be frankly dull than pe- dantic. Not exhibition but service is im- posed by superior talent or advantages. Some persons give an opinion as though their verdict were absolute and final, Dog- matism has been defined as ‘‘puppyism come to maturity.” Others hold forth with oracular vagueness, but convey few ideas, as though they were educated above their intelligence. One must guard one's self from the temptation of “talking shop,” as the slang of the day expresses it, and of riding one’s “hobby.” Our interest is apt to blind us to the lack of it in others. It comes under the reproach of ‘“bad taste,” as does also the retailing of family affairs, The sanctity of home life should be guard- ed by us with a self-respecting reticence, A bore has been described as “one who talks about himself when you want to talk about yourself.”” The sarcasm aside, whatever sets one apart as a capital “I* should be avoided. Anecdotes that are supposed to be of interest because con- nected with ourselves should be reserved for our intimates. Our troubles annoy those whom they do not sadden. Let us only pass upon pleasant things. A joke or humorous story is dependent upon its freshness for appreciation; some emo- tions will not bear “warming over.,” A foreign phrase for which there is no exact equivalent in English seems oecasionally to give point, finish or adornment to a sentence, but one must be wary of assum- ing that it is untranslatable. It is bad form to use foreign expressions unless they be idiomatic and pronounced with correct accent. It is now a well-established and ac- cepted canon of good form that only pleasant things are to be said of any one. An ill-natured criticism is a social blun- der as well as a moral one. ‘“Though we speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, it profiteth us nothing’’—in good society. Gossip and Exaggeration. Qossip, too, is really going out of fash- fon. Any one self-convicted hastens to retract whatever may give the impres- sion that one has indulged in anything so vulgar and plebeian. It has a corrective and an inspiring infiuence to imagine tne persons spoken of to be within hearing. Exaggeration is misstatement, which is untruthfulness. It often does as much harm as a deliberate lie, and is not as honest. True wit is a gift, not an attainment. Those who use it aright never yield to the temptation of saying anything that can wound another in .order to exhibit their own cleverness. It is natural and spon- toneous. ‘‘Those who run after wit are apt to cateh nonsense.”” Talk that has heartiness in it and the liveliness and sparkle that come of light-heartedness and innocent gayety is a fairly good sub- stitute for wit. Talk That Influences. It is a form of influence to pass on in conversation whatever one has read or heard that may be helpful and inspiring to others. Many an important resolve taken in the course of one's life has been greatly influenced by what one has heard in a chance conversation. ‘We may do much in the cause of truth and kindliness without advertising our motive or sounding a trumpet before us. With an art that conceals art we may lead the conversation away from scandal and innuendo .into channels pure and Ecacea.ble. ‘“Out ci the abundance of the eart the mouth speaketh’'—therefore the source must be right. . Fearlessly but never aggressively should we defend our convictions and “‘show our colors.” Preaching is out of place. Society is not a school, but a playground where people meet to exchange ideas and forget their work and their worries. Most of them have to work hard in some way or other and need relaxation. The Early Stages of Conversation. The preliminary stages of conversation offer the principal ditficulty—‘‘the dread of silence makes us mute.,”” The weather seems to have perennial interest. Why may not one treasure a few bits of stor- jes apropos of that much-worn topie, to be brought out upon occasion? For in- stance, some one speaks of the variabil- ity of the weather, whereupon one rp'ght tell of the lady whose physician aavised for her change of climate. ‘“Why, doc- tor, you forget that I am a New York woman; I never have anything but changes!”” was her rejoinder.. At least it is better than mere acquiescence, and when people have laughed together the ice is broken. It is possible to have at one's tongue's end some trifling things of interest on various subjects, but the gupply needs frequent rencwal, Conversation at Dinners. There are moments when the embar- rassment of. silence is relieved by the knowledge that nothing but the veriest commonplaces are expected. When a host- ess has paired her guests before a din- ner and each man seeks the woman as- signed to him he usually says: “I be- lieve that I am to have the pleasure of taking you in to dinner” and she has but to bow and smile whilé accepting his arm, and may say in a voice of perfunc- tory politeness: ‘I am very glad,” or if she wish to be very complimentary may ventyre ‘L am fortunate,” It is usually the man who takes the initiative and the woman who bears the burden of the conversation. On the way to the dining room they may improve the occasion or not, as they please. There is sometimes an awkward pause at the beginning of the meal before the company seem to have adapted themselves to their surroundings and to each other. A host- ess blessed with tact will know how to set the ball rolling, perhaps with some- thing of interest treasured for the occa- slon. Each person at table should endeavor to make himself or herself agreeable to both neighbors as opportunity serves. General conv ation 1is only pessible where there e few present. "Talk is usually then at its best and brightest, One with very humble powers, in the colloguial commerce of thought, and when kindled by sympathy with the subject discussed, surprises himself not less than others by unsuspected eloquence. Those who have the reputation of being good B i 4l TR Continued on Page Seven,