The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, March 31, 1901, Page 7

EAR. ME BUT YOU ARE THE Copyright, 1901, by C. B. Lewis.) was & week before Mr. Bowser set to look for boarding-house No, 4 he wouldn't have made the move excent that one of his friemds a Sowser, T boarded for nine Widow Adams of Joy d. old-fashioned wo- s run in the old-fash- You'll be taken if you find one out I'll eat my hat. ‘eel more iwome in go VERY PICTURE OF ALBERTY your own mother’s house.” Mr. Bowser was doubtful, but he set off to interview the landlady. He found her to be a little cld woman about 60 years old, with her face all smiles and wrinkles. The first glance into her countenance set him to thinking of his mother and fried cakes end pumpkin ples. “My son,” she said, “come and live with me. I like your loons. You remind me of my lost Albert. You shall have any room in the house, and there will be no charge whatever.” ““Oh, I couldn’t do that,” he protested. “I shall be glad to find things to my lik- First Good Word Ever Spoke . 4 n for Cigarettes as Helps to Health. + well enough to invelgh against ? d & man from Mis- “but T want you rm friend of the dn’t been for terate cigarette e here spinning this e a number of years ago it so hap- cessary for me in the ess to go on the Bt. t porarily. Ap- fireman and I was t e of the engine ess part of St. Louts. we were ¢ d out for a fire r of a candy store. Pretty n chief came along. ting,” the chief yelled at One night led en ax and began He had them out a second and then the chief yelled at me to take the hose into It e sure death to ke was ng out of the cellar uds and all above flames were to be seen. Down I went with my foreman and two other men. “The smoke was the toughest proposi- e cellar. n dense black clc n I had ever been up against. My eyes acid were In them. I Aremen coughing and , but- strange enough affected. We ¥ and now we s ahead of us. The g and the firemgn were fire weas ga showing signs of great distress. Before long one of them keeled over. Two of his comrades dragged him out and then came on back. ““You'd better get out of this,” said the foreman to me. ‘You can't stand it any longer, for I'm about to go under my- selt.’ “‘Oh, I'm all right’ I said, for I was really not as much in distress as when I first got in “My eyes Lad improved néw that they ‘were watering so furiously and my bron- chial tubes were holding out with amaz- ing tenacity. In five minutes more one of the chaps who had carried out the other fireman was overcome by the smoke and he had to be lugged out. He was an old-timer and when he came to outside he asked where the greeny was. When they told him I was still inside he groaned in shame and said that I must have been born in hell. “Wedl, I stuck it out through the whole fire and when it was all over the cld fire- men told me I was certainly a wonder. And so I really was, and I can say that without taking any credit to myself. It was just & case of cigarette smoking. “For years I had been inhaling all sorts of cigarettes, and I had so accustomed my bronchizl tubes and the upper part of my lungs to smoke that the smoke from the fire did not hurt me half so much as the regular firemen who had been fight- ing fires all their lives. So here is a tip for all fire departments: If they want to have their men able to stand all kinds of smoke, just teach them to smoke and in- hale cigarettes and they will develop into regular salamanders.” g HE Ass and the Monkey went into business together. Now was it so that the Ass was & Financier; but the Monkey was en innocent Gazabo with a childish expression and a circle of Whiskers beneath his chin. “Behold!” said the Ass, “thou hast Much Wealth and I have None; yet have I Experience, a fine Voice and the Ability to Work People. Where- fore, let us Pool Assets; do thou fur- nish the Dough and I the Experience. ou shalt be the Silent Partner fle T Talk for Two and work my aft.” T This sounded good to the Trustful So he Pungled Forth a Largo i; after which he sat down and is stunt of Being Silent. t came to Pass that they did ch Business; for the Ass had a e Voice and the Sea- son as Good for Suckers. By and by. however, the Monkey became un- easy; for lo! his clothes were in Rags and he was Near Starving. The Ass had deélared No Dividends and the Books were Locked Up. t the Monkey could stand it No Longer. “See thou here, Partner!”’ quoth be, “When do I come inf” “Go to!” brayed the Ass, “thou comest not in at all! Thoa wert to ave been a Silent Partner and lo! hov hast broken thy Contract by thy Fool Question! Hike thee Forth now with Much Speed!” “Al wailed the Poor Monk, “Methinks I have been Skinned!” “And how could I help Skinning Thee,” retorted ths Ass, “When thou Silent Pariner and R His Qontract | the Judge. wert so EasyP” and he kicked the Monkey across the Fence. Moral: If your Partner’s Graft is to Skin People, what is to Hinder him from Skinning You?f Encore: The Silent Partner shouid Make Good by keeping a Gimlet Eye on the Books. Last Jolt: Stay on the Farm until thou learnest to Shave thy Face Properly. ing, but I shall pay your price, of course.” *“Well, we'll talk about that some day. I am old and lonely, and all I kecp a Just sead sion of floor, and cheerful company around me. your trunk over and take po: the frornt room on the secon I want you to go around whistling and Lgbt and he could see that one of her cider. inging and feellng that you've come home ©ars: had been chewed and ome of hor posgperic. T Y eyes bunged up. That proud arch of he~ to mamma. If you want a bolled dinner, THE SUNDAY CALL. expense,” Mr. Bowser felt a bit consclence strick- to the house for a few minutes. ting on the top step. It was bright moon- As he reached the gaie he found the fellne sit- any other pets, and they are fed free of o’clock dinner bel: rawg. He had been to0 bUSY 10 tame ‘Incheon and was therefors hungry. There was a look of consterna- boarding-house for is that I may have en about the cat and decided to go around tion on his face as he glanced over the: It was the same New Englani bofled dinner, topped off with the same table. New England pumpkin ple and sweel “Is this last night or to-night?’ he asked of the landlady as she beamed a hesty pudding cr hulled corn, just tell back was gone and it was easy- to see that across the table at him. me 80 any time, and if there are socks 10 darn er buttens to sew on don't fear to make me trou Dear me, but you are the very picture of Albert. That is, Albert would have looked just ltke you if he had lived thirty vears longer.” Mr. Bowser didn’t exactly like the room. It had a colonial lock. The wallpaper was ©off in spots, there was a plece of the ceil- ing ready to fall cn the bed and the fur- niture had evidently figured in the battle of Lexington. He also thought the land- lady was too good, but he decided to try it as a fourth and last esmeriment. Ho sppeared at dinrer in a doubt state of mind, but an agreeable surprise awaited h'm. It-was an old-fashioned v Hamp- shire boiled dinner, with Vermont clder on the side, and it was servcd up in the old-fashioned way of allow! veryvbody to heip himsel. There was a pumpkin ple as they make it in Sale: d there were fried cakes looking just like the first dozen turned out in Rhode Island. “My son, you see how it is,”’ said the landlady after dinner, “and if you don't proceed to make yourself at home I shail feel grieved. If you are lonesome for the cat, go and bring her over here. I allow my boards to keep cats, monkeys, donkeys, canaries, <he felt all alone in the world and hadn t a cent to pay for her night's lodging. “Puss, puss, puss!” called Mr. Bo in a voice In which there was sympat but the cat fixed Ler ve on the moon over his head and stared at it and treated his presence with contempt. He had gone hack on her and she had a dig nity to alaintain. “Then yeu jJust go to thunder, you c!d tramp cat, you!” he exclaired as shock his fist at her and turned away. For breakfast at his New Englani home he had Connecticut hash, chusetts coffee and two colonial he boiled eggs, probably laid in Vermont some few days after Putnam entered the wolf's He felt llke kicking, but an cid headed patriot who sat next to him =a- that such a breakfast in the time of (ha pilgrim fathers would have been declar .} fit for a Governor. The landla too, ob- served the frown on his face and as he rose frem the table she followed him to the door and solicitously saic 1 are yellow under the eyves s sure sign of biliousness. et some herbs for your lives Come home to mamma this afternoon if pirited.” r was on hand when n, you feel l¢ 1.1, Bows the ¢ “It’s to-night, son,” she replied, “and 1 am glad to-see you looking better. I really thought T might have to soak vour fee! and give you a smartweed sweat. Just pitch right in and eat all vou can.” The breakfast was exactly the same as the morning before, and again Mr. Bows- er wculd have kicked cxcent for the old patriot. He had started to make a slur- ring remark about the eggs in particular, when the O. P. rubbed his hands and chuckled: “Ah, but it does me good to be set back to the days of Yorktown again! Washing- ton had such a breakfast as this befor going out to receive the surrender of me. If the third dianer had anv- New England about it, the landlady k. something dron. The day would waned, the wild goose flew over with a “honk, honk,” and Mr. Bowser reache: his boarding house with a vscuum to be ter soup, porterhouss nd baked potatoes, or hen he sat down to w England botiad steak, gingerbread thought he aid: but, the table it was the dinner over again! Peculiar Cale of a Hloose Ghat Proved a W/’oney Wyaker. in EVERYBODY who has hunted northern Somerset County, Ma in the last six years has become more or less acquainted with Bar- ing, the tame bull mocse that has lived at Dave Joslin's camp. Since the passage of the new code of game laws it has re- quired a good deal of diplomacy for a Maine man to keep a moose in captivity without coming Into confiict with the war- ders. Under the rovised regulatlons mo cow moose may be k'lled at time) np bull mayibe siain =xcept for two months« in the fall, and no mouose of any, kind may be held in restraint under penalty of $100 fine and two months in jall for every of- fense. Joslin found his moose when it was a calf. The moose wdas stuck in a bo;” and would have perished in a few days if he had not been rescued, He grew up among the cattle oy the farm, going and coming as he pleased. Joslin was arrested three times for having a inoose in his posses- slon contrary to law. “T jess wish you'd send a Sheriff up and drive Baring off ter th' woods,” he told “He's cxpensive to keep, an’ T'm tco poor to hev him loafin’ 'round doin’ nothin’ but ear up good hay. I'd a shot him long-.ago 7 it hadn’t been fer th' law, which will fine me fer it.” The Sheriff and 2 posse of men went tc Joslin’s place three times In two vears to take the moose out of captivity. They led the animal over hiils and across rivers, taking him fifty miles 6r more from his old haunts before turning him loose. In spite of thelr labors Baring turned up safe and sound in Joslin’s barnyard the next morning; so when the wardens found they could not dog the moose away they let Joslin alone. The turning point in Baring’s career came when he was two years of age. He would go to the pasiure with the cattle every morning, but soon after reaching the enclosure he wouid jump out and go to the flelds where there was better feed. If the moose had made his calls on flelds in the meighborhood and kept out of Jos- lin's garden there would have been no trouble; but when Baring began to crop the string beans that were growing for the purpose of feeling boarders at Jos- mp it was a serlous matter, middle of September Baring found himself tled by a long line to a crowbar in the middle of a clover field on a back lot near the woods. This was a state of affairs for which Baring had not bargs He culled at h's tether until he was weary, and then he lifted his volce and sent it ringing through the Woods. Before he had caded a dozen times a wild mogse made arswer, giving an dngry challenge to all comers. Baring returned the compliment with vigor, and as he could not get to the wild moose the wild moose- came _out and gave battle, ‘When Joslin reacied the field he found two moose tangled up in thirty feet of line and fighting so earnestly that neither paid any attention to his approach. He lib- erated the wild animel ard led Baring home fer needed repairs. While his tame beast was terribly gored and nearly dead from loss of blood Jos'in did not mind the misfortune.: By the timo open season for moose was on Baring was fully recovered, and Toslin went aboyt among his guests teliing them he had dis covered a way by which all of them could secure a moose without much effort. For four seasons Ba was tied on barren snots among the woods, where ha meaned in his most lovesick tones for something to eat, making sounds to which the wild moose interpreted to mean a de- fiance to combat. How many big moose were shot by the means of Baring's allur- ing voice Joslin will not tell. His camp was filled with satisfied moose hunters for four seasons, and last vear he built a large tenement house mn the city of Au- burn, paying for it from the earnings of his tame moose, It sometimes happened that no hunter was near when a moose came forth to fight, in which case Bzring was qbliged to settle the battle without help, which he did by winding the line around the antlers of his adversary and throwing him to the ground, where Baring could gore and trample upon him at leisure. Last season ended with twenty-seven bull moose to Baring’s credit, every one The Vain Young Cock Who HERE once was a vain Young Cock who loved to fly up on the . & Ridge-Pole and Crow. Now the old Nestor of the barn- yard had many times warned the Young Cock against this Vanity. “Behold!” said the Old Bird, ‘“thers be Eagles lurking about who have & Weakness for Young Cocks.” “Go to!” cackled the youth. “Lol I am a Cock of Much Valor! My voice ir Terrible and my Spurs are the Real Thing! Bring on your /Eagles and see Me Do Things to them!” and hs swelled up for another War Whoop. Just then there was a mighty Roar and a rushing of Wings as a Fierce Bagle swooped by and went darting down the Valley. “Never Touched Me!” chortled the Excited Young Cock, and he Crowed (Copyright, 191, by A. J. Moore.) & of which was as good as $30 clear profit to Joslin. As soon as the snow fell and the cattle were housed for the winter Barln;:! was set free to go to ‘he woods and get fat on mosses and white maple bark, two kinds of, food of which moose are very fond. For three or four weeks the moose came to his pen at night and was shut up and got his accustomed ratiung of hay and raw potatoes. One night after the bix snow in January Baring did not come home. Joslin waited two weeks, hoping that he would turn un. Then he hunted | a few days on snowshoes without result. } Along In|the middle of February he col- lected a crew of men and went out on a | determined search. The second day from | home the men found a large moose vard, | holding one male and eight females. On the approach of the pa~ty the cows fled in terror. but the bull stond his ground. com- ing™up and playfully greeting the men with awkwhrd flourishes of head and heels. Joslin at once recognized the head | of the harem as Baring. |, On investigation he found the body of a large bull that had been slain in battle. Joslin concluded that Baring had killed | the head of the mooss family in a fair fight. and then. seeinz the mischief he had wrought, remained to protect the helpless females. Baring, whojwas now too valuable an animal. to losé. was taken back to camp | and locked inside his oid quarters, but he | broke down the log wails and escaped on the second night of his captivity, and is now deep in the forest caring for the widows of the enemy e had slain. When Joslin started to get up a new hunting party the game wardens informed him that he would be arrested and finad if he undertook the quest. Not wishing to lie in jail for two montis when manle sap was flowing at Its best he has reluctantly consented to stay at home, though he still has hopes that Baring will come back as soon as the cows are able to care for themselves. Otherwise Joslin will have to cancel a score or more of profitable orders from sportsmen who are coming for moose next fall.—New York Sun. Lovved o Qrow Up DATE. frantically; but in the Very Middle of Jell “Is this going to be a steady thing?’ he asked of the landlady. “This boiled dinner, my son, is No 1730 without a break,” she answered. “Then you'll excuse me if I vacate?” “But surely, my son, you are in the midst ¢f home and friends. Would vou foot like scme cold biscuits and calf's d like to settle my bill and get out:” ke replied as he Tose up. The landlady rose up 1th him. So- did the dozen patriots and patriotesses around the table, “My son, must mother with a trembling volce. “You bet I must!" reviled Mr. Bowser. hen he Is a man who does not love his country,” said evarybody in chorus, s *n and left him to go fortn s of a cold world and kick you go?" asked the came to. It was his last when Mrs. Bowser re- r month's trip and asked how he had enjoyed his boarding house he looked her square in the eyes ang n If I had my way about It, 1 break up to-morrow and go to board- Fish That Remained Frozen — for Eleven Years and Then _ Came t HAVE read with a great deal of in H terest an article headed “Life In Frozen Fish.” While it does not seem credible that fish can be frozen unril they are as hard as a stone and upon being placed in eold water for a few me- ments only become as lively as ever, it is neverthcless true. In 1873 I was residing at Junction City, a pretty little city located in a romantic spot on the banks of Mill Creek In cen- tral Wisconsin. The country at that time was new and fish and game were plenti- ful. Mill Creek was at the time famous as a trout stream, it being no trouble a* all to catch fifty pounds of speckled trout in a half day's fishing. February 15, 1872 - I remember the date because it was my twenty-first birthday—I took down my rifle and struck out into the forest for the purpose of killing a deer. I had wandered a distance of perhaps two miles, when I ran onto an old hunter who had cut a hole In the ice, through which he was fishing for trout. He was mecting with great suc cess, for scattered all around him couli be seen the speckled beautles, where had thrown them as he took them off his hook. I was invited to help myself, which invitation I cheerfully accepted and T proceeded to put a number of the fish In my game bag. It was just 4:47 o’clock when I returncd home that afternoon, tired and hungrv, and after hanging up my rifle, took one of the largest of the trout and placed it out In a large cold-storage warehouse that stood near my house, intending to T e o Life. present it to “Uncle” Sam Carson for his breakfast the next morning. The fish was forgotten and as a result lay in that warehouse solidly frozen untfl June 10, 1584, Now, here Is the strangs part of m; ry, which I should hesitate to re- late had not the article referred to paved the way, as it were. On the night of the date last mentioned, Just about eleven years after this fish had been placed In the cold storage, the bufld- ing was totally destroyed by fire. During the process of the fire the Fire Depart- ment, in the effort to save the property, had thrown sufficlent water to flll up th cellar, which by the way, was walled up in rock and cement, and was, therefors, water tight. Three years later it was do- cided to rebufld the cold-storage ware- house upon the site originally occupied, and men were set to work pumping the water out of the cellar, which the rains had kept well filled. To our amazemeat 447 fair-sized speckled trout were taken out, besides the old one, which had evl- dently fallen into the cellar at the time the warehouse was destroved. thawed out and spawned. The original trout was easily identifled, one of ifs eyes having been accidentglly knocked out and a part of its tail broken off before it was placed in the warehouse. Any one doubting the truthfulness of this story can easily be satisfled by writ- ing to Frank Blood or Arthur Sturtevant of Stevens Polnt, Wis, or to Eugene Sheppard of Rhinelander, Wis.—George E. Oster in Chicago Inter Ocean. The R GOOD Person went forth upon the Highways looking for some- thing to Reform. “Behold!”’ said the Good Person, “I shall Smash Vice wherever it ap- pears! ' Yea, verily, I will take ths - Brring One by the beard and smite him hip and thigh from Dan to Beer- sheba!” and she went forward roll- ing her eyes and Looking Stern. And as she passed through = ‘Wicked Place she came upon two Men of Belial contending violently ———— former Whoe Folnd Trolble before a Wine Shop, with divers and many other Men of Belial looking on and having a Gay Timde. “Ahal” gurgled the Good Person, “This is my Cue!” and she reached forth her hatchet and sought to make the belligerents to Break Away. “Cease this unseemly contention!” said the Good Person sternly; and she tock the revelers by the Beard and smote them with a righteous smiting upon the Cheek. Now, the Good Person was a mighty Woman of Valor with hes tongue; but her hands had never been trained to the Upper-Cut and the Cross-Wallop and the Scissors Punch; neither wotted she of the Solar Plexus nor the Short-Arm Jab; Wherefore, these Men of Belial rose up against her and smote her grievously upon the nose and they tore her hair and chewed her ear; yea, likewise they trod upon her features and Handed Forth a wonderful collection of the Latest Cusswords. Then they fook her Gold Spectacles, her Chronometer, her hatchst bag and other heirlooms and departed, leaving her Groggy and Disreputable in the Gutter be- fore the Wine Shop. ‘When after a few hours the Good ‘Woman Got Wise to her Identity, and extracted herself from the Earth and wobbled homeward, saying, “Behold! the tongue is Mighty as a reformer; but the Best Bower is a Gatling Gun!” Moral: Avoid the contamination of Evil Things. Throwing yourself into the m*dst of a Dog Fight might in no wise injurs your Character; but any one szeing you would know you had been in a Dog Fight. Second Lead: Moral Suasion is a Good Thing; but it winneth Much More respect when Backed by a Club. Third Chunk: Never Growl unless you are able to Make Good.