The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, February 17, 1901, Page 9

THE ARUNDAY CALL. whin S VORIV ) ol s Publish- Bad Boy met at who was his lat- nge ways and i New York, a long sllence ow what day it 187" 80 you've to the fact ing &s & national rk? d Groceryman, k as if he had Known Vashington’s bi gon will be celebrated as s cit the time-honored cu e or t0 persons whoee g: ge Wil receive t on the part e force, at 12:15 d this year by Dressed as & patrol- m the central span saac in whose hos- be served to ted gue: re Dr. off the to wade thr 1%, by C. B. Lewis.) tes past Mr. Bowser's t home when the sound of his ng with a scuff, were giving ; what was to orts in a gen- 11d please him. door he gave it pulled off his over- exactl t of ng w TET OFF THE BkiDGE. BEFORE. | SOAK You WITH THE WILLOW. » 4 will be picked up a word of fine newspape paper over to the ast ola Gro- “read it for and then don’t blame me if E y mis- takes. It isn’t likely that the press of a city like New York are in league to one poc A geezer with whiskers Before passing over paper the Bad Boy had made sure his old friend had left his acle is room e knew that without glasses t 1 Gro- ceryman's aged eyes could ut The old as kee nst n- cerning th gth of his eyesight, 0 he scanned rinted page thought tor pretending to read, and Just as you sald it OFF RIS OVERCOAT AND YANKET IT TR WAY AND TAAT coat he yank.d it this way and that as it he would “Have vy aches, der his hat o grunt. “Never as he lo who wi eyes wi ishment sar a sleeve out. got ome of your old head- ©* she asked as he slammed & peg of the hall tree with a 1ind what I've got,” he replied the way to dimmer. “A man ake o fool of himself with his a1 deserves all sorts of pun. ed ‘the Bad Hoy, “don't since you've used Russell so often and to such good effect, that it a kindly attention fo u to take him a box of flowers? I'll show you where his office is; and af- terward we bridge and see Chief Devery make that marvel- think, Sage's name would be can go dcross to the . R R o SRR At erk who was cross at having to work on Washington’s birthday was sit- ting in Mr ge's office as the door opened and the Old Groceryman, carry ing beth h; n enormo box ntaini ut < he h sed nheard of price fron wn On the box’s cover w There was a look of martyrdom on his face, and she knew that she was In for a bad evening. She didn’t ask how he had made a fool of himse!f and the meal was eaten almost In stlence. It was only after they reached the family room that he be- gan: “Mrs. Bowser, as T suppose you have a legal right to call yourself, is there such a thing In this wretchedly conducted house as a darning needle?” “Of course there is. What do you want of one?" “I will show you,” he saild as he sat down to remove his right shoe and dis- played a hole about as big as a shirt but- ton in the heel of his sock. “A darning needle, Mrs. Bowser—a darning needle and some yarn or twine or wire to mend this hole, which has given me agony all day. I meant to have brought home a shcemaker's awl and a waxed end, but I forgot it. Don’t put vourself out at all, but if the things are handy let me have them.” His lip quivered as he looked at her, and she picked up the shoe and felt inside. In the heel was a peg sticking up. “Here is what wore the hole in your sock,” she sald as she pointed it out. “If you've been prancing around all day on that peg it's no wonder you are homesick for ¥ mother. What else has gone Never mind,” he replied, as he heaved a tremendous sigh. “I'm no hand td com- plain, and I shall try to put up with things to the very end. It's nothing to you how much I suffer.” Lt “Here, young man.” he sald, thrusting the box on the astonished clerk, “take this to your boss with the compliments of the season.” Just then one of the porters em- ploved in the buflding—a wizened, stoop- me out of Mr. Sage's in- ¢ he had been sweeping. f him 0ld Groceryman the box and rushed upon the nd hailed him with effusion. ne o On the drew back he shouted proud ir. Sage, take this here box as a slight token of my opinion of y I calculate its contents will surprise you some. Careful, there! Don’t you let it drop!” The porter had mechanically received the box and had opened his lips to pro- test; but on hearing the ominous advice L ‘THIS DARING CAPTURE. WiL.L MEAMN A RAISE ON HIS WAy TO THE POLICE. STATI0 f' .‘j PAY FOR ME ! not to let the box drop, he and the clerk jumped as if struck by lightning. Mem- ories of bomb-throwing cranks rushed to their minds, and the porter laid the mys- terfous box on the nearest table as though it contained- thin-shelled eggs and bolted for the hallway, screeching for help at the top of his lungs. “Well, I declar simpered the grati- fled Groceryman. “If Mr. Sage ain't so pleased that he's run off to tell his other friends in the building . But before the old man could think fur- ther the clerk, who was an athletic young fellow, bore down upon him and pinioned his arms behind his back. ““This daring capture will mean a raise of pay for me,” chuckled the clerk as he flung the protesting victim to the floor ( e eccasiong W 7) T N\ and sat on his head. 2 “Guess you're jealous 'cause you didn’t think to bring Mr. Sagn a box, too.” shouted the Old Groceryman, “but I tell you if you don't let me up and quit settin’ on my head I'll have the law on you.” t that moment in swarmed three po- licemen with the porter and janitor at their heels. The Old Groceryman was quickly handcuffed; and before he real- ized what had happened he was on the way to the Church-street police station, marching between two policemen, while the third officer, pale and trembling, walked in front, holding the box at arm’s length, and the porter, clerk and janitor followed behind. In the offing, far out of sight, cruised the Bad Boy. At the station house the captain of the en deemesl bimself e mawtyr “But what do you suffer? Speak up and let me know.” “Woman, look at that!” he exclalmed, with spirit, as he peeled oft his coat, vest and vollar and held out hfs necktle at arm’s length. “Yes, I see. It's one of your old neck- tles. It's frayed and sofled. You hunted it out of the ragbag instead of taking one from your drawer. You've got at least six good tles. What else?” “What else? Why, I could tell you mil- lions of things, but what's the use? I'll only mention that I lost over $2 in silver to-day through a hole In my pocket. That hole has been there for a week, but, or course, it was of no interest to you. If I had the fcepick and some strips of bark I'd try to mend it.” “Do I know anything about holes in your pockets unless you speak of them?” protested Mrs. Bowser. “You know I'm always ready to mend and repair at a minute’s notice.” Mr. Bowser sighed and shook his head in & mournful way and walked around, and the cat sighed and shook her head and followed him. Presently he stopped and sald: “And my shirts—I buy thousands of new shirts every year, but am still forced to ¢wear shirts with hol=s in them. What be- comes of the new ones? Are they sold to the junk dealer as fast as I buy them, or are they reduced to rags through envy and mallce?” 3 “You've got six as good wshirts as any man ever wore, and If you'll find a hole in one of them 1'll give you my pin money / for a year.” “You'd say so, of course—of course!" he sighed, as he tegan to walk around. “Do you know I ceuldn't find an undershirt this morning when I wanted to change?* “Then it's your own fault. There are five or six in the bottom drawer of your dresser. I heard you rummaging around in the clothespress and wondered what you were after. If there’s any husband in this world whose clothes are better looked after I should like to see him. “Then take our butcher bill, Mrs. Bow- ser—take our butcher bill, and see what gort of a manager you are. Do you know that it was 60 cents more this week than last? And yet we had poorer meats all through. It simply shows your reckless extravagance.” “I deny it!" she replied. ““The increase this week was because of your buying a whole ham at once. You stopped and gave the order, and I had nothing to do with e “Last fall,” he werit on without minding her, “you read of a bargain sale and you coerced me into giving you money to buy six pairs of silk stockings. Last night while I was down to look at the gas meter 1 found one of those stockings among the paper and ragd. I didn’t say anything about it then, but"— “You found nothing of the kind" she interrupted. “I have a pair on and the other five are in my dresser.”’ “But at the same time, woman, at the same time, I took a look at the coal bins, and the extravagance almost struck me dumb. If there had been proper economy fn this houss we shouwld have saved at least two tons of coal. The coal is in your charge. Have you sold it by the bag to get money to buy novels, or have you had it thrust into the furnace as if it cost no more than sawdust?"” “So I make the weather! Aren’t you al- ways shoving coal into the furnace when you are home and complaining that I keep the house as cold as a stable? And thus far this winter the coal has lasted two weeks better than last.” “And take the case of your mother,” he sald as a sudden shiver passed over him. “What is wrong with my mother?" “Did 1 marry your mother when I mar- rled. you? Did my marriage with her daughter give her the right to come sali- ing iInto this house whenever the fit strikes her and tell me that I must or must not do thus or so? You know her feelings toward me, but do you write her, do you advise her, do you telegraph her to keep away from my house and not up- set me?"” “Perhaps I ought to write her to get off the earth,” sald Mrs. Bowser with a toss of her head. Mr. Bowser looked at her in sadness, pity and reproof for a minute, then he flung himself on the lounge on his back, and as the room grew quiet he closed his eyes and slept and dreamed.. He dreamed that Mrs. Bowser's want of care for his clothes and her reckless management of the house brought him to bankruptey and that one night after she had gone to bed he affixed a hook to the cefling and hanged himself by the neck till he was dead. R UGN O S precinct examined the box cautiously. “I can hear wheels buzzing inside this thing,” he declared. “Doorman, get & tub of er e e infernal machine In there after shaking it for half an hour. Prisoner, what time was this mach set fc “Well,”” gasped the utterly bewildered 01a Grocery “I kind of lotted on Mr. Bage's opening it about noon. “Due to go off in four minutes!” shout- ed the captain, consulting his wateh and then plunging the box Into the tub. * eried the Old Groceryman an in pr hat'll ruin it." “Shut up caunseled a patrolman, en- forcing his command by a prod of his billy. The captain was carefully opening the box, holding it a foot under water, while everybody else modestly tried to hide be- hind his neighbor. The next moment the captain rose to his feet amid a howl of laughter and started for the old man. The Groceryman traveled through space at the rate of si fles a second and landed in the arms of the Bad Boy on the pavement outside. “Mr. Sage 18 so s the Bad Boy soothin gazed at him wi picious,” explatned , as his old friend ep susy “Since people began dropping bombs in his office he thinks every present is an infernal ma- chine. When he learns it was only a box of flowers he'll no & wri you a nice letter of ap y ou around to one of his sump! fice lunch And now hurr; be late for that grand an leap from the bridge. Chief Devery be like wait for us, you know. So put a move on.” They passed up Broadway, which thor- oughfare cn all holidays is but a pathetio ghost of its usual throng ling self. “Why, where’s all the crowds to-day?” arked the Oid Gr an as t turned into City Hall Park and trod the almost deserted plaza. “The whole city has boarded tugs and other river craft, or gone down to the docks, to watch the jump,” replied the Bad Boy. “Now, my own idea is for us to ch the leap from above—on the bridge itself. If we go to the docks there'll be such a crowd we can’t see a th & They reached the New York terminus, and, dodging the triple semicircle of cabls cars at the came out on bridge prome It was the O.d Groceryman's first visit to Brooklyn bridge, and he gazed admir- ingly down the upper bay toward Staten Island and the Statue of Liberty. So lost in admiration was he that he did not no- tice that the Bad Boy had left his side for & moment. The Bad Boy approached a bridge po- liceman, and slipping $5 into the biue- coat’s hand whispered that the Old Gro- ceryman was his uncle from the country, whe had come to New York to be cured of suicidal mania and who had declared his intention that day of jumping Brooklyn bridge. the The policeman promised to keep an eye on the unfortunate old man, and in return to for the 35 not to arrest him, but mere glve the Old Groceryman a good scare. Then the Bad Boy rejoined his old and together tbey proceeded along the promenade, followed at a distance by the policeman. “You say Chief Devery is to jump from the central span?” queried the old man. “Yes,” returned the Bad Boy, “and do ¥ou see that tug away down there? Well, that's the one that's going to pick him It's almost under the bridge already. st be getting ready to jump. up, or we'll miss it.” ’s the place!” shouted the old man in high excitement, polnting down to ths southern carriage roadway. “See that span of horses drawing that brewer’'s wa- gon? Well, they're the only span any- wheres near the center of the bridge, and I'll bet a big red apple that's the central £pan the paper spoke about. He'll jump from their backs, most likely, ust like the girl with no dress on does in the cir- cus.” In his excitement the Old Groceryman sprang up on the rall and began to clam- ber over to the furtier side in order to see better when the hridge-jumping chief should heave in sight. As he ald so the watchful policeman rushed up from behind and seized the old man and deposited him with a thump on the concrete pavement of the promenade. “You'll get the electric chair for tais!” thundered the policeman; but the Old Gro- ceryman, catching sight of the uniform and taking him for Chlef Devery, grabbed the astonished bluecoat by the arm and dragged him again toward the rail. “Hurry up there, Deacon Devery!" bawled the old man. “There goes the central span, and if you don’t fump pretty spry you'll be too Idte. Jump now, and good luck to you, you gallant hero!” And he shoved the wondering policeman half way over the rail above the passing horses before the victim could wriggle free. X “Say!” shouted the supposed Devery, twirling his night-stick within an eighteenth of an Inch of.the Old Grocery- man's nose, “the hayseed on your whis- kers has struck inward and there's & crop of wild oats growing in the thing you cail a brain. Get off the bridge before I soak you with the willow." . “Come on!" whispered the Bad Boy, drawing his old friend out of earshot of the policeman. “Don’t you see you've spoiled it all? You detained the Chief wo long that the central span has passed by, and now he can't fump at all. That's what made him so angry. We'll have to burry away before the disappointed crowd finds us or we'll be torn to Dleces. Sup- pose we cross over to Brooklyn and spend a quiet afternoon In Greenwood. Lots of famous people are stopping there perma- nently, nowaday: GEORGE W. PECK. “I tell you,” exclaimed the wan man, excitedly, “one doesn’t feel the stinging curse of poverty until one has the bright- est baby in town and can spare only a begsarly $§ a month from his salary with which to buy drinks to get people to stand still while he tells about its sayings and doings.”—Detroit Journal.