The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, January 12, 1901, Page 7

ADVERTISEMENTS. ABSOLUTE SECURITY. Geauine CARTER'S LITTLE LIVER PILLS must hear signature of SEE GENUINE WRAPPER CARTERS IVER PILLS. AMUSEMENTS. T Another Great Orpheum Show ! SATTRAY ba 75 any seat except SERARD, AND 10E THE BIO. SAGEMENT MAN AN AN OPENIN 0w, SAM LOCKHART'S BABY ELEPH@[VTS! “HUMAN HEARTS.” AY) AF- “A BREEZY New XD THE N FRANCISCO'S LEADING THEATRE TO-DAY Way Dow MDLLE ANTON OLORES A B % C & R SeRy EVERY NIGHT AT 8:15. MATINEE TOPAY AT 2:15. FLORENCE ROBERTS NELL G ENTURES OF S IN ADVANCE Next—SWEET LAVENDER e CHUTES v Z0O SPECIAL---THIS AFTERNOON. ...BIG. JUVENILE SHOW ! TO-NICHT!? Monster Cakewalk! RACING! RACING! RACING! 1900 WINTER MEETIN G—1901. CALIFORNIA JOCKEY CLUB. ., INCLUSIVE. RACK. Wednesday, Thurs- shine. p. m., connecting the entrance to the on train reserved for s: o emoking. Buy your ferry 1 Mound. Al trains via Orkiand mole connect with San Pablo avenue These electric cars fifteen utes. the track at 4:15 and y r the last race. JR., President NCERT HOUSE Admission Bernard and Oro, Marie D. Wood, 814 xter, Mile. Atlantis, Rousell Brothers, Nell Montgomery and Antonio and Conchita Mar- eserved_feuts ANTAL=MIDY Standard remedy for Gleet, FISCHER’S ©°© Or ¥ 5. Matines Sunda Gonorrheea and Runnings IN 48 HOURS. Cures Kid- ney and Bladder Troubies. FOR HEADACHE. FOR DIZZINESS. 1TrLE |FOR BILIOUSHESS. FOR TORPID LIVER. FOR CONSTIPATION. FOR SALLOW SKIK. FOR THE COMPLEXION “PRINTED ON RED PAPER' e Tl SEB GENUINB WRAPPER Alf. E Proprietor and Manager. ST TWO MATINEE TO-DAY. A RICHARD GOLDEN ALL DOWN EAST PLAYS, "OLD JED PROUTY. 2 the BEST OF Te-morrow Manhas A STRAKGE Theater Success, RN | The Funniest Farce Ever Written. First Time in This City. EVE. -25c, 3bc, 50c and Tsc AND ALL| 2713 |GRAND | | WYNNE| MAT.. MOROSCO’S GRAND OPERA HOUSE Matinees To-Day aod To-¥orrow. LAST TWO NIGHTS OF ““A VIRGINIA COURTSHIP.” 5 o MONDA NG First Pr Jone# Famous Pl “THE RO ay, GUE'S COMEDY.” TO-DAY Matine and Night and Sunday Ev’'g—Last Performances ¥ 2SS IN YEARS, WOMAN A Costumes—Great 25¢c. Production of the lay of the century 'WO ORPHANS,” Square Theater Version. The C is interested and shouid know E about the wonde: The new Vaginal Syringe. Injection and Suction. Best—Safest—Most Con venient. ItCleanses Instantly. Ask your ¢ PALACE and These hotels pos sess the attributes that tourists and travelers appreciate —central location, liberal manage- ment, modern ap- pointments a n 4 HflTELS perfect cuisine. J American and Eu- San Francisco. ropean plans. Cured While You Sleep In Fifteen Days * Gran-Solvent” dissojves Stricture like snow be. it the sun. redvces Enlarged Prostate and thens the Seminal Ducts, stopping Drains and ! ons in Fifteen Days. No drngs 1o ruin the stomach, but » direct loca) and positive application 1o the entire uretbral tract Grin-Solyent is mot & fiquid. 1t is prepared in sae Toren of Crayous of Pencl s smooth nd dexibie S50 50 DATTOW 48 10 pass the closest Stricture. Every Man Should Know Himself. The St James Assn.. Box 8. Cinecinnati. O.. has red Al greal expense an exhaust- ‘! liinstrated Treatise upon the male #ystem, which thay will sead 0 any [ Baie appicant, >i. JAukS aS3N., 250 ELM ST., Cincinnati, Ohio. wisir DR JORDAN’S anecar MUSEUM OF ANATOMY 1001 MAREET OY. bet. G247, 5.5.0al Anstomical Museum in the contracted discase pesitiv, ‘emred by the oldest Specaaiiet o the Cotat. Hat. 36 yoars. OR. JORDAN—-PRIVATE DISEASES TL* h"‘ nd - W ment personai Poc.ine Ourela overy cases A 2L Taluabie ook fof men) BDAN & CO. 1061 Market 8¢, . F. FREE ELECTRIC BELY OFFER only. LTERNAT- [5G CURK®) - KLECTRIC BELTS to any reader of this paper. o monc In advance; B s wffli‘%"'fimmfifl ‘more than boallments. ONLY SURE CURE DErvous Giccases. wesknesses and disorders. 'For complete sealed confidential ‘eutihie ad out and mall SEARS, ROEBUGK & GO., Chicago. °fi"v‘fij'y‘§g“fig.s private. letter. A W ot ‘A A& - p— o ezien e e PHILL PR “ternoon—The New York | of Henry Arthur | ND WINE - EVERY WOMAN WRRVEL S38K~ for | Balfour, Guthrie & Co. THE SAN FRANCISCO CALL, SLOOP YACHT FAWN IS RUN DOWN BY SCOW SCHOONER AND ABANDONED SATURDAY, JANUARY 12, 1901. HOME STUDY CIRCLE FOR CALL READERS Party of Hunters on the Pleasure Boat Let the Craft Go|English and American Humor Exempli- Adrift and She Is Picked Up as a Derelict. Salvage Is Claimed on Her. HE sloop yacht Fawn caused con- siderable excitement along the front yesterday. For a few hours it was feared that all the yachts- men had been drowned, but a close investigation showed that all hands were safe and the only damage was to the yacht's jibbodm. The Fawn left here last Wednesday with a party of hunters, headed by C. Wyman, aboard. They had some good sport on the Alameda marshes and a “big bag” was secured aleng the San Mateo | shore. On the way home the Fawn was | run dowr by a scow schooner and her bowsprit was carried away and her stand- ing rigging badly damaged. Captain Wy- man and his guests decided to go ashore and seek assistance, and left the little eraft temporarily to its fate. One of Tom- my Crowley’s launches was finally se- cured, but when the party returned to the spot where the yacht had been abandoned | no trace of it could be found. The hunt was kept up for five hours, and finally the yacht was located tied up alongside a schooner at Fremont-street wharf. As the Fawn was a derelict the captain of the | schooner demands salvage. and there is likely to be a lawsuit over the matter. | When first picked up the Fawn showed | evidence of a hasty departure on the part | of the crew, and that fact gave rise to | the rumor that all hands were lost. DIES IN A HOSPITAL. A STRANGE LAND 1 Harold Hoffman Falls Three Stories and Fractures His Skull. A very pathecic case was treated at the Harbor Recelving Hospital yesterday. | Harold Hoffman, a lad still in his teens, | fell three stories down an elevator shaft | and fractured kis skull. | _Young Hoffmen, whose home is at 2013 Bugh street, has been working for the C. F. Marwedel Company, 58 First street, for | some time past. Yesterday he and Clay McKenzie went to the third story of the | building to have lunch. Harold looked | down through the half-open door of the elevator shaft, and losing his balance fell to the bottom of the well. The boy was removed to the Harbor Hospital and later to the Lane Hospital, where he died at 10 o'clock last night. Algoa Arrives From Manila. The steamer Algoa, chartered by the | Unitea States as an army transport, nr-‘ | rived from Manrila via Nagasak! yeste |day. She is a big carrier. and rumor | | has 1t that Uncle Sam has purchased | her for a cargo boat. The Algoa is under the British flag. but is owned by the Pa- cific Mail Steamship Company. She can o 10,000 tons of freight. The Californian, owned by the Ameri- can-Hawn line, I8 one day behind the Algoa would reach here to-night. Rumor has it that she also will be added to the transport fleet. The Californian is | even a bigger carrier than the Algoa. S —— Changes in Transport Captains. Captain Schiller has been relieved from the command of the transport Grant. In fact, when the vessel came in Chief Of- ficer Brugulere was in command and has v been master ever since. It Is un- »od that he will take command to- and will be captain in name as well | as friction all through the age between Captain Schiller a master Captain Baker. The former was to lame for most of the trou | ble. at least o the Government officlals | have decided. and in consequence the re ignation of Captain Schiller has been ac- cepted. Captain Grant's resignation leaves a vi cancy on the Sherman, and it is probable | that one of the mates scheduled for pro- motion will take her to Manila, and there Captain Crosky of the hospital ship Rellef | will take command. The man who takes the Sherman to Manila will take com- mand of the Relief. May Flint Libeled Again. The Plack Diamond Coal Company filed a libel vesterday in the United States Dis- trict Court against the ship May Flint to | recover $17,150 17 damages for loss of a ! cargo of coal when the May Flint was nk in a collision with the battleship va in San Francisco Bay on the night tember 8§ last. The complaint al- | leges that the collision was caused by the | negligepce and unskillfulness of the mas- | ter of the May Flint, principally in fafl- | ing to engage a tug to tow the ship safely | to an anchorage ground. Captain M. H. | Woodside of the May Flint was Investi: | zated recently by the T'nited States local | inspector of steam vessels and they sus- | pended his license for one year, holding that he was to blame for the coliision. | ok | Water Front Notes. The hydrographic office has just isued | 1 Copyright, 1901, b XIIT. ( No other nation has produced so large a | mass of comic writings as has America | during the last four or five decades. Be- | ginning with the mid years of the cen- tury, there arose a school of literary | comedians to which recruits have been | constantly added, and, as & result, news- papers and ma and book stalls | have been flooded with burlesques and | witticlsms. A mere list of the literary | comedians who during the period arose at all above obscurity would more than | fill the column. The first consplcuous filgure among American newspaper comedians was George H. Derby, who, beginning in the early '50s, wrote under the pseudonym | “John Phoenix” many ludicrous sketches | which were widely copied both at home and abroad. The fun in “Phoenixiana,” | | published in 1855, and in- “The Squibob Papers”” consists very often in an as- sumption of perfect innocence on the part of the author and in a very plausible ex- | planation of what on its face is absurd. For instance, Phoenix wishes to attend & | meeting of the “Ladies’ Rellef Soclety.” which is to be exclusively for women, and | he, accordingly “‘from motives of delicacy and a desire to avold the appearance of fntrusion,” conceals himself on the floor of one of the pews where he “lay perdue, like an innocent (green) snake among the flowers listening to the merry laughter and Innocent gurglings of delight.” | . Another element of his humor lies in his | unexpected__comparisons and his nalve | drollery. speaks of an angry mule that is passionately attached to a dray. | ““The wind blew,” he declares, “llke well- | | watered roses.” tinguished San Francisco lawyer consists | of one volume of “Hoyle's Games.” He of- | fers the following as an antidote for fleas: “On feeling the bite of a flea thrust the part bitten immediately into _bolling | water. The heat of the water destroys| the insect and instantly removes the pain | of the bite.” | | Phoenix was the first conspicuous writer to use exaggeration deliberately and free- Iy as a provocative of laughter. Irving | had used it frequently, but in ‘‘Phoenix- t amounts to a_mannerism and one { anal which of late years has come to be re- as peculiarly American. A cer- tain dentist, declares Phoenix. had con- | structed a tooth-extracting machine of | NEARLY A WEEK AGO AND SCHOONER. s SLOOP YACHT FAWN, WHICH LEFT HERE ON A HUNTING CRUISE | tremendous power. | One day an old lady, feeble and flaccid. | came in to a tooth drawn, and think- | W IN VN > 4 | ing it would come out very ea Tush- AR PO A SCOW maker concluded, just by the way of va- | riety, to try the machine. He did so. and | at the first turn drew the old lady's —+ | Skeleton completely and entirely out of CGRAPHIC. an 11, 10 p m—Weather thick; wind NE, velocity § miles. MISCELLANEOUS. ’ VALPARAISO, Dec 30—Ger bark Bertha, from Seattle, for Queenstown, arrived here with part eargo jettisoned to save vessel during a gale VICTORIA, B C, Jan 11—Stmr Danube ar- rived from Alaska and reports stmr City of Topeka floated Jan 4. Taken to Juneau. DOMESTIC PORTS. - iled Jan 10—Stmr Excelsios ottage City, for Sitka; for tmr or Sailed hr Wawona, for San Pedro. TACOMA—Sailed Jan 11-Br bark Dominion, for Sydney PORT BLAKELEY—Arrived Jan 11—Bark bby Palmer, from Quartermaster Harbor. SAN DIEGO—Arrived Jan 11—Stmr Aberdeen, hence Jan 7. PORT LUDLOW-—Sailed Jan 11—Schr Ex- pansion, for Por: Pirie. ASTORIA—Arrived Jan 11—Tug Samson, with barge Washougal in tow, hence Jan 7. NEAH BAY—Passed in Jan 1—Stmr Willa- mette, hence Jan 8. Passed out Jan 11—Stmr John S Kimball, for Honolulu. FOREIGN PORTS. YOKOHAMA—Sailed Jan 10—Stmr Victoria, tor Tacoma. NEWCASTLE—Satled Dec 18—Br bark Hou- gomont. for San Francisco. ANTWERP—In port Dec 5—Br ship Allerton, for San Francisco. SAN SALVADOR—Arrived Jan 11-U 8 stmr Towa, from Santa Barbara: U S stmr Philadel- phia. from Santa Barbara. SYDNEY—Arrived prior to Jan 10 -Bkty _John Palmer, from Port Hadlock: Br stmr Warri- moo, from Vancouver. PORT ARTHUR-—Sailed Jan 11—Bark Will- scott. for San Francisco. HONGKONG-—Safled Jan $—Br stmr Pak Ling, for Seattle. SHANGHAT—Sailed Jan 11—Br ship Alice A Letgh. for Port Townsend MANILA—Satled Jan 10—U § stmr Sheridan, for San Francisco. Arrived Jan 11—U § stmr Logan, hence Dec 16; Br stmr Lennox from Hiogo. ACAPULCO—Sailed Jan 6—Stmr Acapuleo, for San Francisco. VICTORIA—Arrived Jan ogle, from Yokohama. STEAMFERS 11—Br stmr Glen- OCEAN a “table of distances” between the princi- | Jan 11-Stmr Mesaba, pal maritime ports. Distances are given | in nautical and statute miles and by the 2 Jan gi-Stmr . Vio- shortest navigable routes. | toria, from New York, for Genoa. A | BOSTON—Arrived Jan 11—Stmr Devonlan, The wheat-laden ships Alcinous, Pertcl | and Corunna came down from Port Costa | yesterday, while the Helensburgh and Bermuda will come down this morning. This means a fieet of nearly a dozen v sels in the bay all ready for sea. Many of them are having difficulty In securing crews, and the chances are It will be next week before the last of them gets away. | NEWS OF THE OCEAN. Matters of Interest to Mariners and Shipping Merchants. The Invermark has been rechartered to load wheat for Furope at 40s. The Charles E. Falk will 1oad lumber at Grays Harbor for Honolulu. - Shipment of Barley. The British ship Helensburgh cleared yester- day for Cork for orders, with 55,231 ctls barley, valued at $52.470, and 16,000 feet lumber as dunnage, valued at $240. e Lumber for Mexico. ‘The schooner Fearless cleared yesterday for Guaymas with 46,438 feet lumber, valued at $696. The vessel also carried lumber, which wi loaded at Aberdeen, Washington, valued $10,244. s Merchandise for Victoria. The steamer State of California salled yester- day for Victoria with the following cargo, val- ued at $5155: 6 cs assay goods, 30 cs arms and ammunition, 10 cs raistns, 4 3 cs dw 1 . 14 cs hardware, 17 cs cannéd goods, ries and provisions. 15 cs molasses, 10 cs oney, 12 bxs fruit, 60,760 Ibs malt, 84 bxs or- 1200 1bs nuts, 24 cs paint. 20 bxs lemons, ks shot, 3 fisks quicksilve 20 crs’ potatoes 1850 1bs millstufts, 275 tins matches, 80 crs veg tables, 400 Ibs sugar, 4 cs 691 gals wine. erSit b Shipping Intelligence. ARRIVED. Friday, January 11 Stmr San Pedro, Zaddart, 87 hours from Ban Stmr Pomona, Shea. 23 hours from Eureka. Stmr Luella, Madsen, 40 hours from San Bsun‘r Noyo, Johnson, 28 hours from Fort stmr A Lockett, 48 days from Manlla, Bchr Trade, Andfindsen, — days from Bureka. CLBARED. Friday, January 1L Br ship Helensburg, Jefferson, Queenstown; Schr Fearless, Lilyquist, Guaymas; E Wood Lumber Co. wq o [LED. Friday, Januvary 1L San Pedro. ta ‘Bureka. Eureka, Jessen, Bureka. Aleatraz, Carlson, Greenwood. Gipsy, Leland, Santa Cruz. Whitesboro, Olsen, Greenwood. Luella, Madsen, ——. Sequota, Winkel, Fort 3 Matteawan, Crosscup, Tacoma. ‘.l‘llm , Bafley, Seattle, with dredger Br ship Falls of Matson, Hilo. Bchr W F Jewett, River. | from Liverpool: stmr Saxonia, from Liverpool. LIVERPOOL—Arrived WJan 11—Stmr Ultonta, from Boston: stmr Arcadlan, from Portland HAVRE—Arrived Jan 11—Stmr La Gascogne, ork. NSW—Arrived Jan 10-Stmr War- via Honolulu and Bris- via SYDNEY, rimoo, from Victoria, tane; stmr Slerra, from San Franeisco, Honolulu and Auckland. GENOA—Satled Jan 11—Stmr Hohenzollern | (late Kaiser Willlam II), for New York. NGKONG—Sailed Jan 11—Stmr Pak Ting, from Manila, for Seattle GLASGOW-Salled Jan 10—Stmr Siberian, for | J Portland QUEENSTOWN—Arrived Jan 11— Stmr Etru- ria. from New York, for Liverpool, and pro- coeded. s L P Steamer Movements. TO BAIL. Steamer. Destination. [Safls. | Pler. | January 12. | Humboldt _.........110 am|Pler 2 Portld & Coos Bay| § pm|Pler 20 Grays Harbor......| 5 pm/Pler 13 2 |Pter 13 Pler 24 Pler 11 Pler § Pler 2 er Pler 11 [Pler 2 Pler 13 Pler 11 PMSS Pler 8 Pler 9 Grays Harbor. Seattle & N What, NJu--rv 18. e Hondtata 3 Panama & Way Pts(12 m| PMSS Astoria & Portland|il am|Pler 24 TO ARRIVE. Steamer From. Due. Honolulu .. eernee | Vietoria & Puget Sund. oquille R 3 San Diego. ::ewpon anaimo Panama & Way Ports. Portland & Astoria. Humboldt | her body. leaving her a mass of quivering jelly in her chair. Tushmaker took her home in a pillow case. She lived seven years after that and they called her the *“indlarubber woman.” The dentist there- upon made a fortune selling small models | of the machine for boning turkeys. This sounds like Mark Twain and Bill Nye. Phoentx also Introduced the method of specific exaggeration so much used by later wits. Several men trip over a rope and fall upon the deck “and then fol- lowed what, If published, would make two closely printed royal octavo pages of pro- fanity.” So great, he declares, was the | call for the Phoenix Herald that “we | have now 782 Indians employed night and Times and Heights~ of High and Low Waters at Fort Point, entrance to San Francisco Bay. Published by officlal au- thority of the Superintendent. NOTE—The high and low waters occur clity front (Mission-street wharf) about t five minutes later than at Fort Pol height of tide is the same at both SATURDAY, ARY 12. | Sun rises Sun _ se Moon 3.6! 6/ 10:40| 2.0 | day in mixing adobe for the tvpe molds 3.5/ 11:31] 2.4 and as no suitable metal is to be foun& sl v 371 | In San Diego to cast the stereotypes, we st bl i) have engaged 224.000 ball cartridges from 2ol Tl b e the mission for the sake of the lead. 29 8 551 10:%! 43| To Phoenix nothing was sacred, mot i o7 1193 43 even religion and the Bible, and In solemn misstatement and seemingly unconscious misrepresentation he had nothing to learn from his later brothers. Indeed, Ameri- can newspaper comedy has not added much to what it inherited from John Phoenix. During the late fiftles and ear]y sixties the most popular serles of newspaper comedies was the “Widow Bedott Pa- pers,”” written by Mrs. F. M. Whitcher. Mnuch of their substance is really nothing but hroad farce, vet in parts they are irre- sistibly funny. The garrulous old dame is | in reality a descendaut of Mrs. Caudle. Her manifold experiences and tribulations have had a great charm for American readers. and even now the book is in con- stant demand. Another humorous creation nearly con- temporaneons with “The Widow Bedott"” was P. B. Shillaber's “Mrs. Partington,” | the American Mrs. Malaprop. The first | book of- the series was published in 1854, and for more than a quarter of a century “Mrs, Partington” was a household word. NOTE—In the above exposition of the tides the early morning tides are given In the left hand column and the successive tides of the day in the order of occurrence as to time of day, the third time column gives the last tide of the day, except when there are but three tides, as sometimes occurs. The heights given are in addition to the soundings on the United States Coast Survey charts,. except when a minus sign (—) preced the height, and then the number given is subtracted from the depth given by the charts. The plane of reference is the mean of the lower Jow waters. e Flow of Rivers. Following 18 a statement of the estimated | flow of certain Callfornia rivers in cubic feet per mecond, or second feet, one second foot equaling 50 California miner’s inches, or about 40 Colorado miner's inches. The figures are from J. B. Lippincott, hydrographer of the Tnited States Geological Survey: SACRAMENTO RIVER AT JELLYS FERRY. Second Feet., | The dear old ladv has opinions on every DATE. ]_ " | topic under the sun, but it is her fate 1900 never to get the precise word for which — ———|—__ | cha s striving, nor to say the idea as it | Decamber 20.. 14300 | 10,400 | jjes In her really shrewd and observant | jEBae A < 12.100 | 9.8 | mind. She discusses diseases in this man- | | sanuary pers January Diseases fs very various. The doctor tells me | January that poeor old Mrs. Ha: has got two buckles January { on her lungs' It is dreadful to think of, T de- | clare. The diseases is varfous! Ome way | we hear of people’s dying of hermitage of the | | lungs. onother way of the brown creatures: | | here they tell us of the elementary canal be- | ing out of order, and there about tongors of the | throat; here we hear of neurology in the head, | | there of an embargo; one side of us we hear lof men being killed by getting a pound of | | tough beef in the sarcofagus. and there an- | other kiils himself by discovering his jocular | | vein. . 1 am not so young as I was once, she ‘phil- | | osophizes, and T don‘t belleve T shal! ever be, if I iive to the age of Samson, which, heaven knows, as well as I do, I don't want to, for| | T wouldn't be a centurian or an octagon, and | | survive any factortes, and become idiomatic, | | by _any means. *Jeaac.” sald the dame; “take the big tud and drownd them kittens.”” There was de- | termination in her eye and authority In her | | tone and she clapped her hands as he hastened ito shey her. ‘‘Stop, Isaac, a minute,” she cried, “and T'1l take the chill off the wate | it would be cruel to put 'em into it stone cold." | | January 5 PR AT OAKDALE. Second Feet. January 3 January 4. December 30 December 8 | January 1 | She took the steaming kettle from the stove | January : and emptied it into the tub and left the rest | anuary 4 - T | January 5. | The popularity of Mrs. Partington was almost equal to that of the “Caudle Lec- TUOLOMNE RIVER AT LA GRANGE. | tares” in En'hnd' Th:r:h hav,t been ha Feet. many imitations, some o em of con- Dt e Tota: | Sderable originaitty—notably the “Josiah Toss | Allen’s Wife" series by Marletta Holley. .| “Peck’s Bad Boy,” which for a time gave %60 | a\natlonal circuiation to Peck’s Sun of % | Milwaukee, was but a variation of the do- 191. | ings of Ike Partington. ki Doubtless the greatest of the distine- 670 | tively newspaper comedlans of America S0 | has beon Hienry 1. Shaw, who wrote e 860 | der the pseudonym of ‘Josh Billings.” | 81% | Shaw was 2 genuine philosopher—a liter- ary descendant from Franklin. His writ- ings are composed of homely common Branch Hydrographic Office, U. 8. N., Mer- | sense, _shre observation, outrageous chants” Exchange, San Francisco, Cal. spelling and comic and unexpected trains o?ethought and fllustration. Unlike the majority of his brother comedians, Shaw, with all of his buffoonery, has a s of real merit which will ralse a part of his work to the level of those creations which | the world will not willingly let die. Some of his maxims are as good as Franklin and his definitions are irresistible. Flattery 1z like kolone water, tew be smelt of, not swallowed. Anatomikally konsidered, laffing iz the sen- | sation ov pheeling good all over, and showing it principally in one spot. He who by farmin wood get rich, Must dig, and ho, and plant, and steh; Work hard awl Jay, sleep hard awl nite, Save every cent, and not git tite. As an example of Josh Bfilings at his best one should read the Y on the Muel” or “The Muskeeter” Muskeeters are a_game bug. but they won't bite at a hook. Thare iz millyuns ov them Kaught every year, but not with a hook. This makes the market for them unstiddy, the sup- ply always exceeding the demand. The mus- keeter iz born on the sly, and cums to ma- turity quicker than enny other ov the domes- tik_animiles. A muskeeter at 3 hours old iz just as reddy and anxicus to go Into bizzness for himself az ever he iz, and bites the furst time az sharp and natral as red pepper duz. The muskeeter haz a good ear for musick, and sings without notes. The song of the mus- keeter iz monotonous to sum folks, but in me it stirs up the memorys ov other days. I January 1901. The time ball on the tower of the new Ferry | building was dropped at exactly noon to-day— i. e., at noon of the 120th meridian, or at § o'clock p. m., Greenwich time. C. G. CALKINS, Lieutenant Commander, 17. 8. N.. in charge. S——— Heavy Damages Asked For. The case of Fred Hartz vs. the Mount Jefterson Gold Mining and Development Company s on trial in the United States Cireuit Court before Judge Morrow and a | jury. The plaintiff was injured by the overturning of a skip in the defendant's mine in Tuolumne County and asks $21,000 damages and co: - —e— Printing and Bodk Binding. No better equipped shop for commerdial printing in this city than Sanborn .& Vail'’'s. They have just added two more new presses. For good work and low prices they are not equaled in this city. * fefighua s vey Tie. Mendel Re-elected President. The Board of Public Works met yester- day 2nd re-elected Commissioner Mendel president. Commissioner Manson pre- sented his commission showing his ap- g:lmment for three years more as a mem- r of the hoard and it was ordered spread | bav lade awake all nite long menny a time upon the minutes. and listened to the sweet anthems ov the mus- e — e Kester. I amn satisfied chat there want ing For a Cold in the Head. o * A by - 3 mighty kluse the muskctoze kum to it. The Laxative Bromo-Quinine Tablets. b4 inhabited this world since its | treat each in fied by Newspaper Wits and Literary Comedians. ¥ Seymour Eaton. kreashun and will probably hang around here until bizziness closes. Whare the muskester goes to In the winter {2 a standing konum- drum, which all the naturalists hav giv up, but we kno he don't go far, for he i on hand early each year with his probe frishly ground and polished. Muskeeters must be one ov the luxuries ov lifs, they certainly aint one of the necessarys, not if we kno ourselves. Of Shaw—almost alone of his tribe—can it be sald thatiat times he is a true hu- morist. He ceftainly based his writin upon a large -observation of human life, and he was true to what he saw. It is the first requisite of humor that it be ab- solutely true, and then, in the words of Carlyle, its remaining requirement is that % - - * THE LATE HENRY W. SHAW, BETTER KNOW AS “JOSH BILLINGS. £ - it have “sensibility—warm, tender fellow- feeling with all its forms of existence.” nce the death Shaw, in 1885, C. B. “the M Quad” of the Detroit Free has been the most popular news- paper humo His first conspicuous suc- cess was in reporting the meetings of “the Limnkiln Club,’ time Gardner, the widely Known in the American negro have been Ignored in the Limekiln papers. One may quote & sample almost at random and run no risk as to quality: ‘It may be well to menshun stance right heah an’ now,” sal ner, as the next meeti distinctly understo doan’ govern de pu sartin figger. and Romance leetle sarcum- Brother Gard- ‘I _want it es of Congress club only to & iyt Hane de two members wouldn't be heah to apologize! Dat's de remark I war gwine to t fo'th, an’ we will now go on wid de reg’lar Zness M Quad” has also had his fun with the American German In the “Carl Dun- der” series. and with the varfous absurdi- es of wild Western journalism in, the Arizona Kicker.” There are few comic fields that he has not at some time en- tered. His has been the almost impossible task described so vividly by Lamb of fur- nishing weekly and almost daily columns of facetious matter to the evanescent pages of the press. Few haye better stood the test, yet after all such material is not literature. nor 1s it humor. The fleld cov- ered by “M Quad” and his school is that of broad farce. They supply the place which the court jester held in ancient days and which the circus clown filled in more modern da Of much the same character as the writings of Lewis are those of scores of lterary comedians who during the perfod since the war have risen from obseurity to a place of wide recognition. many of them to drop as quickly into obscurity. Robert J. Burdette. the funny man of the Bur- lington Hawkesy combines hroad farce with & view of seriousness and true poetic feeling. Matt Rurbank. with his epigram- matic wit: J. M. Bailey. the “Danbury News Man,” who arose and disappeared in a cometlike w Ovnie Read of the Ar- kansaw Travele: H. Clark. the “Max Adeler” of “Out of the Hurly Burly Perkins,” which concealed the irresistible Melville D. Landen: Bill Nye. who so lately was to be found In every comie journal, and, latest of all, John Kendrick Bangs, the architect of the unique “Housebeat on the Styx' are but the opening names of a well nigh endless list of funny fellows whose work has amused the present genmeration. It is useless to jetall. The work of one is the work of all. The multiplicity of cre- ators only serves to give the old materials and the old jokes new colorings and settings. Tt l!‘fi".e"ss. indeed, to try to look for perfect originality in_these latter days of newspaper humor. New jokes are almost fmpossible. Wit, to be sure, i3 ephemeral, but it is ephemeral only as to its form and position. A true joke Is immortal, but it travels down the centuries in con stantly varying costume; to be presenta- ble it must follow the latest fashions. Wendell Phillips has declared that all jokes can be traced to not over twemty- five parent witticisms, some of them as old as history itself. For instance. In a book published in the sixth century attributed to Hierocles there are twenty- one jokes which in modern dress are s floating through our comic weeklies. The wit of our facetious journals moves through a very narrow rank of subjects. Tt consists largely of llustrated puns a variations on a-few laughable topics the tramp, the mother-in-law. the wil West desperado. the negro and the rw inhabitant. Such work is not humor in its truest sense, and the credtors of it can expect to be remembered no longer than are the flying leaves for ;_'h!fih lshev write, Pennsylvania State College. The New Cup Defender, Now being built, is confidently expected to be the fastest sailing vessel ever buflt. Its con- struction is being kept a secret, but It is whis- that It will eastly hold the cup. Amer- fca is rapidly coming to the front. A example of this is in that famous re: s Stomach Bitters, which health for half a century past. k‘mmmmm«mo{m ness and la grivpe. LASHs BITTERS NOT INTOXICATINC NEW WESTERN HOTEL, JCEARNT, AND WASHINGTON % €O. ~ European Rooms, o to room: elevator runs all night.