The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, June 19, 1898, Page 25

THE SAN FRANCISCO CALL, SUNDAY, JUNE 19, 1898. ONE OF THE GREATEST OF PACIFIC COAST MYSTERIE Stupendous Ruins of Ponape Which Un- cle Sam Will Find When He Occupies the Caroline Islands. T is probable that before long we will hear of the occupation of the Caroline group of islands by Uncle Sam'’s ships and men. In fact the Carolines, whatever the Germans may say, naturally go with the Philippines and if the islands are small they are rich, and possess one feature of especial interest. At Ponape, the largest of the group, is one of the greatest of Pacific mys- teries. These stupendous ruins have puzzled ethnologists for years. Evi- dently they are the work of a superior race, a race skilled in architecture, with enormous resources at its command. As with the gigantic statues at Easter Island, the ruined temple—if it was a, temple—at Ponape, indicates that once perhaps ple should have eagerly abetted him, is quite intelligible. =~ Far more inex- plicable are the miles of careful em- bankment round the islets, forming into veritable canals the ocean stream- lets that meander through them. That the so-called vaults may have been de- signed for holding sacrifices, human or otherwise, and the passages through the walls intended to admit them, is also a reasonable surmise. One can easily imagine them as receptacles for fuel, or in other ways connected with savage rites, but certainly not as hid- ing places for a buccaneer’s plunder.’ All this difference of opinion indi- o ‘0 thousands of years ago, a high- who makes his way to this outlandish spot finds that his boat has reached a regular 4 ck. This little harbor is9 about 250 feet square, and the sides are so evenly cut that F. J. Moss, who in- ected the ruins In 1886, has not the® ghtest doubt that it was formed byO the hand of man. o Leading from this water square areg a number of canals, which once evi- dently formed avenues to the ruins. The Islet is embanked with massive walls of masonry, and in the center,O sting in solitary grandeur, is all thato remains of the great temple. Once these canals must have been filled with, has not been said before. ing figure of the century; it has been men. Gladstone fis. was shown in one way only. primeval bush, the marvelous tropicalo vegetation, by means of which nature,o for centuries, has been doing her besto to destroy all trace of man's handi-o werk. The structure, or as much of ity as remains, is about twenty feet high have taken the little children out of the have laid down railways; incloses the outer court, to which ac-o councils, and school board cess is gained by a great central en-© trance fifteen feet wide and a couple ofO ; the members; narrow tunnels through the side walls.0 and Bismarck also is undoubtedly a very great man, but his name is not associated with any of the social and sci- o entific steps which have revolutionized the world. That of Again, Cavour was a great man, great achievements have not been followed up. Abraham Lincoln was a great man, but his greatness worshipers, hurrying along in their The nineteenth century in this country has been marked canoes to attend some great mystical® DY advances so unexpected, changes so great in every re- or ficial rite. © Jation of life, that the Englishman of this day would hardly To-day there is nothing but theO recognize his own grandfather, especially when the latter began to talk and exposed his ideas and his sentiments. ‘We have abolished slavery; we have extended suffrage; we we have abolished flogging in the services; we have made education compulsory; we have educated girls and opened colleges for them; we have established a cheap postage; we we have made bribery at elec- and quadrangular in shape. The long-_ tions impossible; we have taken off the taxes on news- est side gneasures 245 feet, and thed papers; we have opened the civil service to competitive front or short side feet. This wali _ examination; we have established county councils, parish we have changed the House of Commons from an assembly of younger sons into an assembly of the people without reference to the birth of we are still engaged in changing an aristocratic into a democratic government. ‘water to this place. The idea that these buildings could have been formed, either by the present race of savages or by Spanish buccaneers, as some have thought, is preposterous; and they re- main another mystery of the great Pa- cific, hardly inferior to that of Easter Island, with is colossal images. There are other ruins on the island of a sim- ilar character, as well as mounds a quarter of a mile long and twelve feet high. Ruins also exist at Kusai Island, but those of Ponape are by far the most remarkable.” ? In 1875 an Englishman named C. F. Wood made a yachting cruise in the Pacific, during the course of which he visited Ponape, giving us another ac- count of the ruins: “On the bank of a creek is seen a massive wall built of basaltic prisms, about 300 feet long and thirty-five feet high. A gateway open- ing on the creek has a sill about four feet high made of enormous basaltic columns laid flat, on passing which the traveler finds himself in a large court inclosed by walls thirty feet high. Around the whole of this court, built up against the inside of the outer walls, is a terrace eight feet in height and twelve feet in width, also built of basaltic prisms. The whole of this court is not visible at once, owing to the dense vegetation, but by clamber- ing about among trunks and creepers it is found to be nearly square and to be divided into three parts by low walls running north and south. Inthe center of each of these courts stands a closed chamber fourteen feet square, an early age—say fo swarmed in his crad a century of great but his tremendous amount in his lifetime, and harm now. factory and the pit; sane persons, he heated, stammering. said. By “him” I u The aristocracy For instance, I remember very well in the year 1868 or 1869, when the disestablishment of the Irish Church was under discussion, that I had a call from a man whom Io had always before that moment considered a sane person. He owned himself that he felt “strongly” about the pro- posed act; that is another and a milder way of saying that on this subject, like a great many honest and otherwise vas a maniac. He came in out of breath, O thought T would come to tell you at once. are more tha: sufficlently satisfactory to the people fur whose patronage they are intended is proven every night when the proprietor is compelled to refuse admit- tance to dozens of people. It should be remembered that the place is only a lodging house for unfortunates out of work, who might be compelled to sleep in some doorway. There are three different lines of business at No. 34 Di- vision street, and unless the man in search of the 2-cent lodging house looks sharp he will possibly overlook the place. The entrance to the lodging place has anything but an inviting arpearance. but once past the door you will be surprised to see how clean and bright everything fs. The walls and ceilings are well whits washed. Two large coal stoves are blaz- ing hot all the time to keep the place cozy. The cashier’s stand is at the door. ‘When you have pald 2 cents you seat yourself at one of the long tables covered with clean white oflcloth. There are no chairs, but long benches on either side of the tables. No bill of fare is necessary. Most_patrons of the {lnce are content with this fare, but if it happens that a customer has “money to burn’ ’and can find 5 cents instead of 2 he is allowedto sit on a shorter bench in a corner op- goslte the cashier's desk, where he can ave not only his lodging but a regular dinner consisting of soup, roast chicken, tea, coffee or milk and a piece of pie. —_———— It is an inexplicable fact that men bur- led in an avalanche of snow hear distinct- ly every word uttered by those who are seeking for them. while their most stren- uous shouts fail to penetrate even a few feet of the snow. 25 PREACH THE GOSPEL OF VEGETARIANISH. New Mission, Where the Poor Are Given Fruits and Cereals Instead of Fish, Flesh and Fowl. HE youngest mission in San Francisco is but three months old; is strong and vigorous, and is worthy of special notice for at least two reasons. One reason is that the religious belief of those who are supporting it and of those who are resident there, devoting themselves to caring for their needy and suffering brothers, differs entirely in at least one tenet from that of other Christian denominations. The other is that while the gospel of Christ and of the observance of the seventh day, instead of Sunday, as the Lord’s special day, are both preached and practiced 00000000000000C00000000000000000000000000000000O0OO0 OO0 O ohere, another gospel also is preached o and practiced, and that is the gospel o Of vegetarianism. Iy developed people ruled over the Pa-© ° cific, having legions of slaves at its® command. What was the race? ° / o How did it manage to disappear s00 e an o completely? Sclentists are still search-o } ° ing, and none have found an answer. o : ° The ruins are situated on a small islet, not far from Metalaneum Har- e bor, where there is an American mis- o i e en ”r sion station. Scattered among the shal-O o low waters of ‘le coral reef, and abouto o a mile from the high volcanic shore, iso ° a group of tree covered islets, andg o threading through these, the visitorg BY WALTER BESANT. 5 T is late in the day to speak of Mr. Gladstone, and im- will be appended to the book a brief life showing how at O possible, at this hour of the day, to say anything which Therefore I will confine my- self to a new part of the subject, a part hitherto un- considered—I mean the Mr. Gladstone of the future. It will be allowed, perhaps, that he is the most command- ur—he was observed to prophesy that o there were all these things to be done, provided a man o should arise strong enough to do them; bees, it will be said, le; he killed vipers at the age of two o of sputtering. the recollection of it can do him no g o o o o The hungry who would fain be fed at the tables of this particular refuge for the poor must needs ignore the fact that nature has given them teeth which prove them to belong to the car- nivora, and be content to eat only of vegetables as long as they remain un- der the roof of the “Helping Hand.” And the wonder of it is that this mis- slon, with its meatless meals, is one of the most popular establishments of its kind in the city. . . * . . o . I make my way with some little diffi- culty through the center of the room, down what is intended to be a straight and narrow way to the chaplain’s of- fice. It is narrow enough in all con- science, but at this special time it is as crooked as the world-famous Congo months; a comet appeared at his birth; many persons de- ORiver, by reason of disarranged chairs clared that a great prophet had arisen, and so on, after the Oand the nubby and protrusive knees of style of popular heroes in every country. Then historical gseated men. persons will write letters pointing out that, although he O 1, the office a slender, dark-eyed man was undoubtedly the greatest figure of the century, he did o welcomes me cordially, although I am not really achieve all the things attributed to him. I do not say that all this will happen, but it may happen; it is in this way that we get popular heroes. First a greatOlook at him with genuine interest as I man, then one whose name grows greater Instead of less; o wait in a comfortable chair for him to then one whose history swallows up that of lesser men; then one who is credited with having done everything that was done in his age. 1 hope that the biographer of the present will not forget O He has not felt it necessary to “dress the fire and sputtering of a heated time—Gladstone made ohis part” at all, it seems, for he has put some of his times very heated, with a great deal of sputter- ing and fizzling. These things ought not to be forgotten, ¢ is the history of a OWears an ordinary cutaway suit, linen because the history of a Reformer Itsdid i noyharmolmmaculute. But ini butinot atiall imngs an uninvited and unexpected visitor, He is the chaplain, he tells me, and I ofinish adding up a portentous column of figures which stands between him and instant attendance on my wishes. no barrier of clerical coat and collar be- tween him and his fellow men. He gestive of his profession, a really pleasing cravat, and a pointed beard— all of which, together with a ocertain brisk alertness and directness of man- ner, gives him the appearance of an en- terprising business man. I like him the better that he meets me on my own ground, which for the nonce is a purely practical one. 1 want to see the rooms and the beds, all the different departments, and the men who “T have found him out at last,” he ofind shelter here, and as soon as the nderstood him to mean Gladstone. Now there can “I o figures are settled with he is at my command. But before we start upon Just as in the case of the Jewish taber-o cle the worshipers probably gatheredq in the outer court, while the tunnels connecting with the inner inclesure served as stage entrances for the priests who performed the mystic rites.© The inner court occupies a very large©® portion of the inclosure, as there iso only a space of twenty-eight feet be-go tween the outer and inner walls. They, are both of the same height, but the inner walls are only ten feet thick, while the outer reach eighteen. east end of the inner ccurt and fifty© feet from its e platform, or altar, six feet high and forty feet square. A raised vault five feet high and six feet broad is built in the center of this platform, and along the outer walls three other vaults of a similar character are to be found. If there ever was a roof to this strange structure it must have been built of some perishable material and have long since disappeared. Nelther there any trace of a door or window, so that it seems probable the worship was conducted in the open. Some peo- ple doubt that the structure was used for religious ceremonials, and the theory has been advanced that it was constructed by the buccaneers who once frequented the Carolines and used by them as a fortress wherein to con- ceal their treasure. Moss settles this point very effectu- ally when he remarks: “No clvilized people could have wasted time and la- bor in raising such a structure, but that some powerful savage chief should have conceived the idea of increasing NI S — still retains its own privileges; we are not revolutionaries; but we are getting more 'and more democratic. Now the name of Gladstone belongs more or less to all these changes. My reading of the future i{s that the name of Gladstone will in the future—say in five hundred years or so—stand for the nineteenth century, which will be called Gladstone's century. Everything il be attributed to Gladstone. Handbooks of history will write of the wonderful man who invented the locomotive and the steamboat; the sewing machine and the bicycle; the typewriter, the telephone, the telegraph, the phonograph, and the electric motor. This great man, it will be said, abolished slavery, extended the be no longer any doubt; even you will not attempt to de- ©our round he tells me of the mission, its fend him any longer. I have long suspected it. Now I Owork and workers, and those they work know. My dear sir,-TI told you a month ago that Glad- oupon. stone was a secret Roman Catholic. I told you that heo “We take in all who come,” he says, had been received. You would not believe it; but he is. O “except, late at night, drunkards who What is more I have now discovered that he is, in addition Omake a disturbance and are hard to being a common Roman Catholic, a member—a mem- o t0 manage. During the day we take ber, sir—of the Soclety of Jesus. He is a sworn Jesuit— €Ven these in, sober them up with the that 1 hear on the very best authority; a Jesuit, sir. He _Shower bath, put them to bed and start is sworn to obey the order. He will destroy the Protestant °'h$;1'o oft B"t‘filght the“{;f;t gornlni& ; Episcopal Church of Ireland first, and our own church next. 0 yPr & FUSREST Wa0 | comes 10 at Our own church next! Think upon that, sir!” L3 © dure. First we take him dow This is the kind of thing that accompanied every actols){:fi.z :l:d ng;shi; a good hot k?a‘u‘tfl Gladstone ever took. 1 see the laundry with its array of tubs, the bathroom, the lines full of night- robes in the fiercely hot drying-room, the hospital with its grewsome sug- gestive long table, its cases of shining instruments and its shelves full of bot- tles, and I am privileged to speak with the medical missionary and his staff of ‘two trained nurses, who look, as does he also, capable, efficient and thorough- ly in sympathy with. their work. From cellar to roof I find the un- graceful order, the almost depressing quiet and the aggressive cleanliness which is characteristic of well-managed public institutions that harbor mascu- linity only. No horrors wrought in wools, or cord, or silk, or ribbon, or beads, or wax, or tissue pape, appall the eye; no ravelings, or small snaris of hair, or vagrant hairpins litter the well-scrubbed floor. The place is as coldly bare and unhomelike as a bar- racks, but the men quartered there seem to feel no lack in the existing ar- rangements. Some of them, doubtless —for there are unhappily many of the discouraged class who have shirked early incurred marital responsibilities for the freer life of solitary vagabond- age—have found the home atmosphere oppressive in the past and actually en- joy existence unhampered by femininity and resultant bric-a-brac. Everywhere I find cleanliness and everywhere, also, I find texts. Not a wall in the place is there that is not blazoned with them in large letters of brilllantly diversified colors, and plous ingenuity has been taxed to ornament each department with sentences from Holy Writ especially applicable to the conditions therein. To the worldly and critical mind the effect is slightly in- congruous in some instances, as points have been so strained in the applica- tion of inspired words to practicalities as to make the result seem rather like far-fetched religious puns, but the in- tention is good and the inmates of the mission regard their wall decorations with revently admiring eyes, and find them, I am assured, both helpful and uplifting. Last of all I visit the restaurant, for I am hungered and would break my fast, and the prospect of obtaining a meal of three courses and two side- dishes by the expenditure of a nickel appeals to my frugal mind. First, I must go to the desk in the assembly-room and exchange my money for tickets at a penny each. Be- ing determined to be wildly extrava- gant I invest a dime and invite the chaplain to be my guest, and we go out into the street and into a wide, low room full of tables covered with clean white oilcloth, at most of which are seated men or youths with uncovered heads, quietly and contentedly dispos- ing of the contents of divers bowls and cups and plates. There are no waiters, and the bill of fare is posted upon the wall at the end of the high counter which fences off the kitchen from the dining hall. It is simple, but sufficient evidently to sat- isfy the constantly coming and going customers, who, after careful study and deliberate reflection, pass their tickets across the counter one by one, receiving in return for each from the apple-faced, white-capped and aproned brother in charge either three thick slices of bread, a bowl of mush, a cup of sterilized milk, a dish of stewed fruit, a plate of well-cooked vegetables, 'soup, vegetable stew, butter, honey, nut butter or cereal coffee, as they may de- sire. At the© suffrage, and all the other things enumerated above. There ntrance is a great raised® © 0 ©00000000000000000000000 cates the necessity for a proper scien- tific exploration of the ruins, and some of our learned bodies might well send out a properly equipped party to settle the problem. Some relics of the dead race which raised these huge walls must certainly be found within the in- closure, and perhaps the vexed ques tion of the origin of the Polynesian races may be settled. The ruins at Ponape have a charac- ter peculiarly their own: they are built in a way utterly different from any other structure known to man. The stones used are not cut or squared, but are natural basaltic prisms, fitted one against the other. Some of these blocks are of enormous size and weight, and a great amount of labor must have been required to transport them from the volcanic hills of Ponape to the little islet. The highest mountain on Ponape is 2858 feet, and the island itself is only fourteen miles long and twelve wide. But the coral reef which extends round the isle has seven openings and each of these form excellent harbors. For this reason the island was greatly fre- his glory and perpetuating his name by a temple to his gods, and that his peo- quented by the buccaneers when these gentry flourished in the Pacific, and hence the theory that they built the ruins. The present population of Po- nape is but 5000, though the people are of good Polynesian stock. They are of large size and strongly built, of nut brown color, but their civilization is of the most rudimentary character, and it would be impossible for them to con- ceive or carry out any extensive ar- chitectural work. One of the greatest authorities on Malaysia, A. R. Wallace, also con- siders the buccaneer theory preposter- ous. “There are no basaltic columns anywhere near the ruins,” he points out, “but there are very fine ones on the central ridge of the north side of the islands, at least ten miles distant over an utterly impracticable country. They must therefore have been con- veyed down to the coast, and then by SECTION OF THE MYSTERIOUS RUINS OF PONAPE From a Photograph Taken Speclally for The Sunday Cajl and every step that also bullt of basaltic columns, and roofed over with the same, not very closely laid. The walls at the base, in- cluding the te are twenty feet thick, and above it eight feet, and some of the stones, especially those in the | front wall near the gateway, are twenty-five feet long and eight feet in circumference. i The scientifically inclined minds among the invading army will have a chance to win renown by solving this | mystery of the Pacific. | —_———— CHEAPEST HOTEL IN AMERICA. PLACE where you can get a meal | and a night’s lodging for 2 cents has been opened at 34 Division street, New York. The Bowery has for gen- erations been noted for the Induce- ments it holds out in this respect, but it is doubtful if the bargain offered by the proprietor of the place in Division street has ever been equaled. People with average incomes, who think they are lucky to get a comfortable sleep- ing place for from $3 to $5 per week, and who pay $2 a week for breakfasts, will | wonder how the proprietor of a 2-cent lodging house and restaurant can. make | money. It would strike most people that the meal must be anything but appetizing and the sleeping accommodations any- thing but desirable. Nevertheless, the proprietor Insists he is making so much money that he will soon start a branch establishment. While the bill of fare and sleeping ac- commodations §a the 2-cent house may not be what are enjoyed by prosperous clerks and typewriters, the fact that they 60 ‘Y id 82 WEST s ¢r enmnance, 34041 101 44 g o With plenty of soap and a clean crash 00000000000000000000000000O0 OUTER COURT. WALLS 20 FY HIGH I8 FT THICK AT BASE BUT FORMING PLATFORM AT ABOUT 6 FT MIGH & REMAINDER ‘OF WALL ONLY OFT THICK No appetizing odor of roast or broil NORTH 126 FY _ YOTAL 210 FY -.-éto vauCe INNER COURT WALLS 10FY THIGK 20 Fr.micH o6 F7 southH Ground Plan cf Rulns at Ponap TOTAL 245 F7 GROUND PLAN OF THE RUINS OF PONAPE. ‘PAY IN THE ARMy AND NAY. After | After | After GRADE. ‘nqnm, Yearly. (5 years' |15 years' |20 years’ _____ Vi service. [ service. | service. Lieutenant General . * *30% Major General R | e R 309 Brigadier Gene 458 600 Ret *2 -soz/a Cl"cilor:el" 291 67 8,500 m% 350 878 Major - i | dm | my | R | B Captain (mounted) . To & i | dass | oo | mim Captain (not mounted) 150 1800 | 16500 | 18000 | 210 00 Regimental Adjutant 150 00 1500 | 16500 | 18000 | 210 00 Regimental Quartermaster . 150 1800 | 16 180 00 | 210 00 First Lieutenant (mounted) 133 33 1,600 | 14667 | 16000 | 173 33 First Lieutenant (not mounte 125 00 1600 | 137 15000 | 162 50 Second Lieutenant (mounted) 125 00 1600 | 18750 | 15000 | 168 60 Second Lieutenant (not moun 116 67 + 1400 | 128 140 00 lfl 7 Chaplain 125 00 1,600 | 13750 | 15000 | 162 50 *Additional, st | 24 | 3d | Sth | 10th GRADE—SALARIES, PER MONTH. Year. | Year. | Year. | Year. | Year. Private . 3 13 13 16 18 13 Trumpeter b B B Corporal .. 15 i 1 20 2 First Sergeant % 2 2 20 0 HEN one takes int. consider- ation the intelligence, the technical training and the other denands made upon them by their profession the officers and men who handle our war- ships are poorly paid as compared with those who follow similarly exacting du- ties on shore. An officer’'s pay varies, not only ac- cording to his rank, but according to the nature of his duty. His highest pay is while at sea, his lowest while on leave or “waliting orders.” The follow- ing table gives the officers’ pay per an- num: Rank. . Rear admirals 000 to $6,000 Commodores 000 to 5,000 Captains 500 to 4,500 Command 300 to 3,500 Lieutenant commanders. 000 to 3,000 Lieutenants ...... e 600 2,600 Lieutenants, junior grad 200 to 2,000 Ensigns ... 1,400 Naval cadets 950 Contrary to the general popular opin- ion, naval officers clothe and feed them- selves. They also house themselves, ex- cept when on board ship or when stationed at a navy yard wh.re quar- ters are provided. True, they are al- lowed, while at sea, the munificent sum of 30 cents per diem for their rations. Furthermo-e the officers of the Amer- ican navy have to pay out of their own pockets for the entertainment. not only of their own personal friends, but of officials, the guests of the nation. The pay of the enlisted men varies from $9 per month, received by a third- class apprentice, to $70 per month, which is the compensation of the chief machinist. An “ordinary seam: Te- ceives §19, a “seaman” $24 and a “lands- man,” who is an unskilled recruit, $16 per month. Men in the artificer class, such as blacksmiths, electricians, boiler-makers, etc., get from $35 to $50 per month. All enlisted men, like offi- cers, receive their 30 cents per diem for rations. cregse in pay for each re-enlistment, Furthermore, there is an in- towel. He gives up all his clothes to the attendant, who gives him a check for them, which is on a string so that he can tie it around his neck and run no risk of losing it, or having it stolen from him during the night. Then he is handed a clean night-robe and goes up- stairs to a clean, warm bed, where he can sleep until 8 o'clock in the morning if he likes. For all this he pays 5 fie"“' either in money or work the next ay. “If he wants breakfast he buys 5 cents’ worth of meal checks. five in all, each of them being accepted for one dish of food in our restaurant, and if cash is lacking he is charged with the amount and has to work it out around the place. A man who is absolutely penniless we allow to work for board and bed during a part of the day and insist upon his spending the remainder of his time looking for work elsewhere while we try our best to find some for him ourselves. 4 ““We keep no man on these terms for more than three days unless he is sick. Those who are able to pay we charge 5 cents for bath and bed and give them the privilege of washing and drying their clothes in the laundry withqut charge. If they need clothes we sell them what they want from our stock of garments which are sent to us from all over the coast, charging them only enough to make them feel that they are buying them instead of receiving them as gifts. They pay in work or money as they are able or prefer. We have a cobbler shop where they can have their shoes mended, or buy good ones, on the same terms. Our constant aim is to arouse a spirit of independence and industry in all who come here. And then we go out and proceed to climb stairs and traverse long pas- sages, and make tours around room af- ter room full of two-story beds, each with a double locker beside it, where those who elect to become boarders here for any length of time, and there are over forty working men who make thelr homes here from choice, may put their clothes and personal treasures — permeates the air. Fish, flesh and fowl are absolutely interdicted here, and though I am myself such an unregener- ated child of nature as to long vainly at this end of my day's work for the flesh pots of Egypt, 1 eat what is set before me and find it, though a bit ‘weak and watery seeming to my vitiat- ed palate, excellent of its kind in every instance. ‘While the—to me—peculiar meal is in progress my genial companion enlivens it with argument and illustration, in- stead of bon mot and repartee. I learn that grains are the ideal food; that fruit is good in moderation and be- tween meals; that eggs are admissible but not necessary to one's well being; that sugar, though served in the res- taurant, is of no value to the system, and that no acids and very little, if any, liquid should be taken at meals. 1 also learn that fruit and vegstables taken together “fight” in the seclusion of one’s stomach and cause the ignor- ant eater many ills, and I am seriously assured that any stomach trouble ex- cept ulcer and cancer can be cured by a three days’ diet of perfectly dry food, water being taken only an hour before or two hours after meals. All this and more falls upon my re- ceptive and grateful ears as I imbibe pea soup and chew meditatively upon sliced carrots, and I come to the con- clusion that my life has been one great mistake. I have done those things which I ought not to have done and left undone those things which I ought to have done in regard to my stomach all my life long, and I am YTeally and truly a miserable sinner in that I agree with my entertainer’s theo- rles; I admire his practice and I envy him his complexion. On my homeward way I inadver- tently pass the door of my favorite restaurant. Habit directs my steps to a certain table, and when my pet waliter deferentially awaits my order I answer—to my shame be it told- ir- loin, rare. And be quick about it, please, for I am simply starving.”