Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, April 21, 1910, Page 6

AR S THE BEE: OMAHA, THURSDAY, APRIL JTHE ©OMAHA DALY BEE FOUNDED BY EDWARD ROSEWATER. - VICTOR ROSEWATEREDITOR. i e Entered n Omaha postoffice as second- elass matter, e eisilidaci e TERMS OF lunlonxrnon. Datly Bee (ncluding Sunday), per week.the y Bee (without 8w per ‘week, 100 y Beo (Without Bunday)s one ye r 48 Daily Bee and B ‘yoar. DELIVERED BY CARRIER. Bes (without SBunday), per week S Bee (with Sunday), per week....100 Baturday Bée, Mn"‘y’- ¥ one “Addreas all complaints of Irregulariiies 1o Beliver to City Circulation Department. OFFICES. Omaha—The Bee Buiiding. Bouth omfln—r-mw fourth and N. Gounell Blutfa—ts Sookt Surest. Lincoln—618 Little Buli Chicago—164 &rqum Bulldlnl ork—Rooms 1101-1108 U West Whirty-third Street. Washington—72% Fourteentn Street, N. W. CORRESPONDENCE. Communications relating to news editorial matter . ahould add ©Omaha Bee, Editorial Department. nm‘n‘mcu Rl'l;xlll by grlf lxmh Buly )-.ulr?q L% lv Jn o mail account Omaha or esstern mlunls not acoep! BTATEMENT ow CIRC“LATIOH. “lo it NO";.II.I. Douglas County, s&.: ll’.ull or of The Bee 5uufi‘mu Compa ing, duly and oatal order sworn, sa; thy nuul number gra o zm o Z"’afi Fox 43,870 complete ‘ontn 45,790 12,510 42,700 42,690 e S8 . GEO. B. TZ8CHUCK, urer. Subscribed l' 57 preseass and sworn before “;‘1 of HE“D. otary Publie. matled to them, uln- will be changed as often as reyuested. Almost up te Arbor day. Why not t&y the hookworm on the fish? e e Still, the eomet would make a - big: ger hit by not rising at $:28 a. m. b Dr. Hyde s landing regularly on the front page, that 1s any. gonsolation to him, 3 v e 1t Gay Paree is wise it Will be care- ful how it gets gay with Bawn Tumbo. When Aldrieh retires Is ousted, what in the do for bogey men? Uncle Joe d will we Anxious Inquirer: No, democrat by inheritance,. plutocrat by inheritance. not a but a e Gifford Pinchat's™visit does not seem to have ipterfered witn Colonel Roose- welt’s plan for world peace. —_— It will now be interesting to watch the progress of: the Hyde ocase since the state's chief witness has died. — Roosevelt and Pluchot took to the woods to talk. But even the woods have ears.— Boston Herald. No, it's the corn that has ears. e Dr. Pearsons, at the age of 90, says to live long, work hard and eat no meat. Pretty old mln. to be fighting the Beef trust. —— _Colonel Bryan wants a hook-worm eampaign in Porto Rico. Wonder if he would consent to the use of any of that Rockefeller monéy for that pur- Rone: — Strange that, despite all their ocar- mest protestations, {irregularities al- ways come out when the probe is in- serted into the methods of these com- bines. The Ohio man who says he can talk %o chickens had better speak to the Missouri hen that laid an egg bearing the picture of Halleys comet and woothe her nerves. The New Orleans Plcayune asks, *Where is the man to lead the demo- prati¢ party to the preservation of the republic?” A still voice in Nebraska answers, ‘“Here am I, send me.” The no-compromise flag has been run up by the democrats in the South Omaha city council who are refusing Roosevelt's Peace Plans, No man is so well suited to carry the propofal of world peace to mili~ tant Europe as Theodore Roosevelt, for he- represents a nation that has spent more than $3,000,000,000 in pensions as & penalty of war, and while carrying the big stick, has al- ways belleved that “A soft word turn. eth away wrath” In international dis puted. Germany, France and England are much more likely to be persuaded by what he may say on this subject, therefore, than if Count Tolstol were speaking as the, exponent of the doe- trine ot monresistance. It this Is Mr. Roosevelt's chief mis- sion in Europe then we may hail with renewed zeal the words of President Taft at the close of his predecessor's administration, “Theodore Roosevelt has been able to accomplish more in “|the preservation of the peace of the world than any president that ever administered or any monarch that ever reigned.” The anomaly of Colonel Roosevelt's character and public services lies in this fact, that while militant in tem- perament and personal persuasion, his whole career has been devoted to the ¢nd of universal peace. He had a large part in settling the Russo-Jap- anese war and did much to allay in- ternational disputes provocative of other wars. In addition to all this he has a private influence with Emperor | Willlam particularly and with King Edward and the heads of other Euro- pean powers that will give effective weight to his proposal that the great powers of the earth join In an agree- ment for the settlement of interna- tional disputes by arbitration. The first Hague peace conference which met in 1898 gave a great im- petus to the principle of arbitration as the preventive of war and the second provided a court of arbitration, but this tribunal of peace has not yet ac- complished its ultimate purpose and will not until some agreement as that now proposed is entered into by the nations of the earth to limit their armament and military expenditures and to recognize arbitration as-a rem- edy instead of a cure for war. If the twentieth century is to advance be- yond the nineteenth as a cycle of peace it must perfect this principle of international amity, just as the cen- tury gave to it the heritage of arbi- tration and the first step toward the abolition of war. This end can be achieved only by systematic agitation and education in, every country and it is this which Colonel Roosevelt is said to have in mind in his purported mis- sion to Germany, France and England. A Congressional By-Election, The democratic organs rare natur- ally giving utterance to Joy over thel| democratio victory ‘in the by-election, to fill a vacancy in the Rochester, New York, district, and even repub- licang “will have to admit that the re- versal by a majority of 6,000 there is by no means encouraging. At the same time it is hardly so bad as it looks on the surface, although it sends a demo- crat to repressut the district in con- gress for the first time in twenty years, for the reason that local and personal factors played a great and probably a deciding part. In this case the republican nmominee, George W. Aldridge, was not a freshly converted democrat, as in the Four- teenth Massachusetts, but he was the recognized head of the machins, who had become involved in a bitter fac- tional fight. He had strength enough to force his own nomination, but as often happens failed to develop mo- mentum enough to win victory at the election. Incidentally, his affiliations with the scorched crowd in the New York legislature did not help him any, but on the contrary alienated support which another republican running on a straight-out republican platform would have been able to retain. Still, the loss of this by-election must be taken, and ought to be taken, by the party leaders in Washington as a straw indicating the unrest and dis- content within republican ranks, which must be harmonized and solidi- fled it we are to have republican suc- cess at the polls next fall. Those New Insurgents. The Insurgent movement in the woman suffrage camp does very. well as a temporary expedient for centering attention upon the crusaders, but as an Innovation it 1s a flat fallure. Nelther insurgency’in general or in the ranks of this militant organization is new and it Czarina Shaw thinks she has cause for grief, let her look over to the ecapitol and behold that discon- solate flgure In the house of repre- gentatives, Czgar Cannon. And for in- to confirm the republican mayor’s ap- pointments. How much ple do they want? e Congressman Hitchcock seems to have felt so 'good at getting Mr. Bryan to say again that he is not yet & candidate for United States senator that he forthwith went and bought him a lunch. Wpmripm————y A member of the school board says that the mewspapers ought to wake the people of Qmaha up to the, great importance "é getting an accurate that “Bily” it back that it s surgency in Its specific relation to woman suffrage one need but hark back to the days of Belva Ann Lock- wood’s leadership of that great body of women to know that the right to bolt the convention on any occasion and at any time has always been the one precious prerogative of each and every delegate. 1t may not be the province of mere man to discuss the merits of the issue that provoked the storm in this con- ¢al male politiclan as & euccessful modus operandi in the management of A great party, but, though Miss Shaw's party bas not yet achleved any distin- guished triumphs in the way of politi- cal ascendency, her theory, after ali, may be the correct one and she the po. litieal Moses men have been seeking 8 the infallible guide to success, Still *he probabilities are that the Shaw way will prove more highly adapted to the exigengcies of woman's suffrage as a propaganda than it will to the republi- can or democratic party as a political entity seeking real success, For the seriovs respect of woman's suffrage one can but look with genu- ine disappointment upon the proceed- ings of this Washington convention, characterized, whether justly so or not, to the public by two chief facts— the lack of self-restraint as lamenta- bly displayed In the hissing of the president and the inability to sub- merge Internal differences In external union—two grave obstacles to the ac- complishment of woman's suffrage. Pity the Poor Governor. Pity the poor governor who is in- vested with the pardoning power since the idea has gotten out that any peni- tentiary convict ean write himself out of prison walls by the poetry route. One state university\has recently an- nounced that it was about to install a chair of poetry, but if it wants to get real results, it should transfer (its poetical instruction from the campus to the walled camp and undertake to teach metrical feet slong with the 1nckstep. The poetry avenue to commutation and pardon also offers a wide field for useful and remunerative occupation for the gifted convicts after they get out. There is no monopoly on poetry, and no limit on the market quota- tions. The poem that touches the governor’s heart should command a ready sale, carrying with it, as it were, the endorsement of such a high liter- ary critie. No up-to-date modern penitentiary should be without a class in poetry. | e Water Tests. The city council is still hesitating over its ordinance prescribing a water test and imposing penalties upon the water company for failing to meet its requirements. Now, everybody favors pure water, or as pure as we can get it, but it looks as if the council were storing up grief in trying to establish a standard of water purity after the trouble has all vanished, when every- one knows that the water test varies greatly from city to city and from day to day in the same city. If the city council prescribes a standard and un- dertakes to hold the water company to it, how can the clty, when it gets con- trol of the water plafit, avoid respon- sibllity for keeping the.water, at least, up to this standard? If. it is impossi- ble for the water company to maintain the same standard all the year around, how Is the city, when it succeeds to the ownership of the plant, going to do any better? But aside from this, where does the city council come in on the regulation of water? It is the general impres- sion, and was surely the intent of the law-makers, that the city council was completely divested of all authority over the water supply and water works, and the Water board was made paramount and supreme. Suppose the Water board should establish a different water test, what would be- come of that prescribed by the ecity council? Suppose the city some day gets possession of the water works, will the Water board pay any attention to the edicts of the council? not up to our ears now in the water works mess without getting in any deeper? Decline of Some Prioeu. Experts profess to see in the pres- ent downward tendency of some food prices encouragement for the belief that a final readjustment of the cost of living is on the way and that by autumn the general level of prices will be materially lower. If they are cor- rect in their deductions there is rea- son to believe that the systematic in- quiry into the whys and wherefores of high prices instituted by the govern- ment as a result of popular protest is bearing early fruit. The great trouble in getting at this problem of the cost of living has been that artificial causes play too large a part. deal with if the natural laws of sup- ply and demand had unrestricted sway, but with the power of specula- tion and the lllegitimate use of the cold storage system as a means of weakening confidence and controlling the market these natural laws have not governed the situation. Just now as prices are beginning to fall there is a heayy slump for the year {n ex- ports and a correspending increase in fmports and they are pointed to as ements = bearing upon domestic prices, but they, too, at least exports, are as much subject to the influences of these artificlal means as are do- mestic prices. It is not possible, there- fore, to fix any hard and fast rule by vention and led three of the oldest ex- ecutive officers to break away from the Rev. Dr. Anna Shaw's administra- tion, but we may at least observe that Miss Shaw simply holds to the belief that the welfare of the organization may be better subserved by having so- clety and wealthy women in the front ranks, while her opponents believe in the power of the proletariat as =a which we may determine the relation of exports to home costs. But whatever the causes may be the man who has to buy will welcome any additional decline in the price of food- stufts, He will also welcome the fact, if gueh it be, that popular clamor, work- ing out through the channels of gov- ernment influence is working to bring the cost of living back a little nearer lmddwml“fll»—‘\poldm 1t is not reasonable to uppose, however, as some have ven- to assert, that people will hope a return to that old basis. Such Are we|! It would be an easier matter to ' able and revolutionary as was the sud- den, rise in prices. Wages and the cost of production have been re- arranged on the new basis, at least in part, and a return to the old/ level of prices would again upset the Justed conditions. After all it may be but thé inexor- able pendulum-like swing of the law of supply and demand that has brought prices to the downward ten- dency, for statistics already have shown that with all the high prices consumption in staples fell off in the last year. If the perversion of these read- laws to selfish ends has brought its own retribution then we may regard the result with even more complacence than had it come through other pro- cesses, There is omntmn; re{reshlng in the fact that Miss Marjorie Gould, not as Miss Gould, but \the accomplished daughter of an American multi- millionaire, has married at the tender age of 19 and taken as her life com- panion a plain American but two years her senior. Somehow it is old- fashioned to think of a girl of her sta- tion marrying at that age and old- fashioned things continue to have their charm, and then it is still more wholesome to think that she did not have to barter her charms for bogus title. It looks as if some of the reserva- tion crooks, who have been fleecing the Indians for lo, these many years, and who have been repeatedly ex- posed by The Bee, had finally bumped up against a real prosecution. The rule has too generally prevailed around the agencies that the red man has no rights which a white man is bound to respect, Figures show that Douglas county paid out nearly half a million dollars just for bridges along county roads during the last ten years. This is one of the reasons why we need never ex- pect the inhabitants of the rural dis- tricts to consent voluntarily to a county division that would put Omaha in its own class of one combined county and city. Qur water works case has just been argued in the supreme court of the United States. This is the latest, but not necessarily last, chapter in the running serial that was begun by the enactment of a law in the winter of 1903 for the “immediate and compul- gory” purchase of the Omaha water works by the city. And now we are getting light on the inside operations of the Elgin but- ter price fixers. We aléo know better why such strenuous opposiiion has al- ways been registered against' estab- lishing a butter magket , in. Omaha, where a price might bedixed by actual buying and selling, Someme———— If the French get the idea' from Mr. Roosevelt's speech at the Sarbonne de- livered in their language that qu die- tion is poor he will probably consent to turn on some of his.vivacious, vig- orous English. This coming of John'Temple Graves to the Jefferson day banquet with Mr. Hearst's magnanimous offer to democ- racy looks very much like a Greek bearing gifts of which democrats and others were once enjoined to beware. Greed Finds Its Level, Kansas City Times. Ex-Captain Oberlin M. Carter, who hoped to win sympathy as an American Dreyfus, finds that the best he can get s the fame of being the Tweed of the United States army. What's the Uset Ir@ianapolls News, Well, welll Along comes the attorney general of Missouri and sdys the harvester trust is a bad one just after it had fixed things up so reassuringly for its employes. What's the use? Genius Unappreciated. New York World. The Philadelphia archaeologist who says that he has unearthed an account of the flood on some anclent clay tablets is now being treated as unkindly as If he had re- sorted to gumdrops and brass tubes. A Democratic Suppieation. Houston Pos O Lord, now that everything is coming our way, purge every democratic soul of hot air and vainglory and insert largé in- stallments of common senge in every dem- ocratic cranium; and oh, remember, Lord, our proneness to make fools of ourselves just when we have the world by the tail and a downhill pull, and see that we don't get in bad this time.” Next and the Last. New York Tribune. Governor Marshall of Indiana sald in & Jefferson day speech that the next dem- ocratic national platform would be written by three persons—“an economist,’ a phil- ologist and an honest man.” The last dem- ocratic national platform was written in all essentlals by one person, the Hon. Willlam J. Bryan. Did he fall to fill the role of the needed economist, the needed philolo- gist or the needed honest man? | - \ Qur Birthday Book April 21, 1910. John Muir, naturalist and geologist, was born April 21, 1838, Durbar, Scotland. The He Is the discoverer of the Muir glacler, which bears his name. He is one of the ploneers in the conservation of natural re- sources movement, and now lives in Call- fornfa, Gillbert N. Haugen, member of congress \trom Iowa, is 61 He is & native of Wis- consin, and & banker by business calling. Dr. H. J. Winnett, president of the Ne- Brasks State Rallway commission, was born April 21, 1846, in Washington county, Pennsylvanis. He practiced medieine In Lincoln, and was fwice mayor of that city. Joseph Crow, lawyeri‘officing In the Brandels bilflding, is 5. He was born In stle, Ind., and educated at DePauw university. He served in the Nebrasks legislature twice, and, as the result of his legislative activities, became postmaster nl.ndl-amvoluh:munnn_ uonh&hurn-n Washington Life Soms Intoresting and Oonditions ot the Natlon's Phases Observed Oapitol. resentative Keifer of Ohlo, easiy outshine their associates in dress. In some respects individuality is stamped in the cut of thelr garments, yet no two statesmen contrast so sharply in styles affected. Mr. Keifer sticks to “full dress” at every daily sossion, his sombre spike-tall rig and spotless | white front making a swell spectacle that 1s & source of unending wonder and admira- tion for the galleries. When weather and fashion permits, Senatér Lodge supplies a dash of color that en'ivens and brightens the north wing. Last week the New Bng- lander startled his assoclates with some wonderful shirts, modeled on the college boy ‘rah-rah order. One had broad pink stripes running mcross the chest, while another was a black and white stripe combination. In the somber senat: these brilliant hues stood out prominently and immediately riveted the gaze of folks In the galleries. These togs are exceptional, and can be worn with safety only by sea- soned members of the respective cham- bers. Newcomers affecting distinction in dress are usually shunted into some in- vestigating committee, where work bags the knees and crumbles the nerve. Out- side of the copitol shakes down most of the sand of new officlals, A Kansas man recently billeted In Washington writes home about his \roubles: “The boys all tell me that I shall have to buy a dress suit; that the same is ab- solutely ong raggle in order to obtain the | ongray to any important function here in Washington; that should I appear at a presidential or other reception clad in my present style my ippearance would create as much consternation as if I had stalked In with nothing on byt & nightie. So far, however, I have successfully stood out, and a dress suit is not included in the list of my possessions. You have been In and around Topeka considerably in re- cent years, and I assume that you have seen a dress sult, but I never did until L came to Washington last November. To my mind the thing makes the ordinary fellow look like a cross between & pouter plgeon and a bullfrog. It may be that 1 shall have to hire one sometime in order to pass the pearly gates of some of the powers that be, but I know when I put the toggery on I shall feel like seventeen different kinds of a fool, with Shiloh and Lincoln townships to hear from." Representative Victor Murdock says he can sympathize with the naval officer who received thg ‘“silent rebuke’ at the Naval acadamy the other day. Because one of the Instructors had offended them, the entire body of midshipmen malntained absolute silence through a meal as a| means of showing thelr displeasure, and| were In turn punished by the loss of ail| privileges. “I know how that officer felt,” sald Mur- dock to the correspondent of the Brooklyn Bagle, “because many a time have I felt the mortification of the same kind of treatment. It was during the early days of insurgency, when a republican risked more than he does now by opposing the powerful speaker. Many a time have 1 gone Into the republican cloakroom where a score of my assoclates were seated, and everyone would act as though struck dumb when I showed up. There would not be a sound. It was_terrible, and I suffered keenly. & “For a long time T thought I-was the only one who was getting the silence re- buke. One day six or’seven of us insur- gents got together and compared notes, and then we found that we were all being pun- ished in the same way. “But that's all past now. They don't at- tempt to ostracize us any more. They even invite us to have luncheon with them. I really think that Uncle Joe would speak to me if I would give him a chance.” “You see this broad, smooth roadway, gulliless of vehicles of any sort? Well, that represents the reprvutnm!i\'e's fear of his constituents,” Representative McCredle of Washington, plump, ruddy faced and just at that mo- ment perspiring freely, paused in his gaspy walk through the subway leading to the house office buliding from the cap- itol, and leaned against one of the iron posts for breath, relates the Washington Times. The posts separate the sidewalk of the subway from the sixteen or elghteen foot roadway. “Over on the senate side, where there 18 no fear of an economically Inclined con- stituency,” continued Judge McCredie as he resumed his_walk, “they have automo- biles to take the senators to and from their offices and the capitol. They make the trip in comfort, with! speed, and In a style befitting the dignity of their office. But there are no autos for us, I suppose that one reason they think we do not need automobiles through our subway is that we Are younger men, @s a rule, than the senators, and, being spryer, can walk. Oh, walking does us good, of course, but every time I make the trip either way I feel like getting up In the house and demand- ing an auto from the appropriation com- mittee. ““We would have had the autos long ago if we were not all cowards. But there fen't one man in a hundred In the house that would dare to vote for a bill provid- ing automobiles for this subway. Every member would be dead sure that the vote would bob up to plague him at the next campalgn.. It would be a fine slogan for the opposing candldate to cry: ‘Ah, ha, Congressman Smith is too lazy to walk from his office to the capitol, a distance of two blocks. Out home he is not too good to walk, but as soon as he gets to Washington he begins to ride around in automobiles at the people's expense.’ “That may sound ridiculous to the ordi- nary citizen, but it is not at all over- drawn. Many & man has 10st his official head with less said against him." C. H. Rudolph, commissioner of the Dis- trict of Columbia, paused in the considera- tion of current business to gagze thought- tully at & card on his desk. “Now that spring Is with us,” sald the commissioner, am of the opinion that it would not be & bad idea to have coples of this card placed in every department of the district government. have not gone go far, howeve it be Included in the official orde: The card bears the following lnscription: NOTICE for leaves of absence, ow- . Weddings, lame backs, house moving, sore throat, headache, indi- gestlon, etc., must be handed In not later than 10 &. m. on the day of the game." “One member of the house who 1s losing no time in getting home and jumping into the campaign Is Representative John A, T. Hull of Towa,” reports the Washington Times. “Mr, Hull, who Is ehairman of the house committee on milltary affairs, has the work of his committee almost wound up for this session. “In & day or two, he will catch & train Renator Lodge of Massachuseits and Rep- {been born in Roxbury, N. Y., DrPRICE'S] CREAM BAKING POWDER Made from Grapes Makes the food of superio:: healthfulness at-arms sends for him he will stay there until the primarles, June 7. “He Is golng to stump his district thor- oughly. The progressives in his district, the Seventh, are active and are fighting the renomination, of Representative Hull tooth and nall. “Their candidate is Judge 8. F. Prouty, who has opposed Mr. Hull unsuccessfully before, but whose friends are claiming he will win this time. “Senators Cummins and Dolllver are go- Ing to get Into the campaign in Towa on the progressive sidd before many weeks. Senator Cummins has come out equarely for Prouty PERSONAL NOTES. Mr. Roosevelt characterizes Abruzzi as a triimp. Nevertheless, the duke was turned down In an American game. An American woman who had pald $200,- 003 for paintings was quite happy until some kill-foy critic had to go and tell her they were bogus. An Oklahoma jury not only acquitted the teacher who had been arrested for thrash- ing a pupil, but recommended that the boy be readmitted to school and thrashed again. away so much money to schools and charity that he has lost all account of it, has decided, on his ninetieth birthday, to glve his pockethgok a yell-earned rest. He will be 9 on April 1f, and says that he is a “hale, hearty, happy old man. The richest man in the house of repre- sentatives is Mr. McKinley of Mlinois, whose wealth is estimated at $35,000,000. Among the humorists at the capitol he is known as the “Human Christmas Tree,” because of his generosity in financing rafl and river junkets for brother members. John Burroughs, the naturalist, celebrated his seventy-third birthday April 3, having in 1637, He was a school teacher, but since 1874 has lived on a farm, devoting his time to writ- ing and fruit cuiture. Every spring he thakes his own garden. He was a great triend of Walt Whitman and Jay Gould. ) A PLEA FOR FAIR PLAY, Imaginative Writers on, the Trail of Roosevit. Cleveland Plain Dealer. It appears to be one of the penalties of prominence to be misrepresented. Careless or maliclous writers exerclses their ingenuity by inventing absurdities and crediting them to the object of their attention. And pub- lishers too often clinch the wrong by print- Ing unreservedly the products of their cor- respondents’ imagination, Theodore Roosevelt, traveling In Burope as the guest of kings and the idol of the populace, meets by appointment a political friénd from the United States. The meet- Ing is, of course secret; it is stated before- hand that no public announcement will follow its close. Yet one correspondent had the temerity to send a dispatch to the effect that the tormer president had told Mr. Pinchot that he might use his name as a candidate for president. No one, will criticise Mr. Roose- velt for his ruemm-m at such a manifest mhrepmnmnlon Why cannot a man of prominence be free from this annoyance? Why must he be ever alert to deny the preposterous words and actions credited to him by Imaginative observers? It Is by such irresponsible acts that news- paper writing as a profession is sometimes diseredited. Let Mr. Roosevelt tour the world and exhibit to rulers and people one of the chief products of the United States —which 1s men. He not only deserves this fair treatment because he Is a private citizen, but because he is giving this nation some of the best &dvertising it ever re- cefved. weekly payments. new $300 plano, for only $165. Small payments. A Howard Piano $245. Plano $126. Cable it you want the cholee bargains. payments? 26 old plano as part e bt for 1owa and says that unless the sergeant- J D. K. Pearson of Chicago, who has given |’ 1 terprise of an Omaha Proacher, Chicago Record-Herald. An Omaha preacher has recently advertising in the papers of ythat city vising engaged couples that in spite reassurances from the scientists the tail of Halley's comet may contain pofsonous gases which will cause the destruc all life on this planet when the earth plunges through the appendage. The reverend gentleman, therefore, urges people who are contemplating matrimony to lose no time. Young women who have been planning to be June brides are warned that delays are dangerous and the result has been a rapld increase In the number of marriage licenses Issued in Omaha, with an accompanying boom in business for the preacher who engineered the scare. In addition to calling attention to the fact that it pays to advertise, we desire to offer for the use of Omaha lovers this mot “Let us eat, drink and be married, for morrow we may dle.” ' SUNNY GEMS. Parke—Come on, ol a week's pleasure « what 1 do. Lane—But aren't wife will get after ¥ “She can’'t. The servants hav. and there fs no one in the house her up.—Life. been ad- I am going ¢ Don't car that - your 1 Jort to button “That successful player certainly. paid @ triblte to His Winhime gamé wher he selected his handsome home.” “How so?" “Don’t you know he bui ~Baltimore America “‘Poetry,” said the lite art of expressing intens urative speech.” “In that case,” replied Miss Cayenne, “the man who writes bascball news Is sure a poet."—~Washington Star trust It it on a bluff?" “is the in fig- ary glrl feeling “What magnate look so worrfed? “He ‘has just read that the American tarmer is very prosperous, and he fecls that he must have overlooked something™ —Houston Post. makes the “Geoftrey, take your arm away from thé back of my chair! “J, can’t move it to sava my lif¢ aldd, I-I've got the golf elbow.’ Tribune, Esmer Chicago “The complaining witness jumped on him with great logsened four of his teeth.” ‘'Yes, your honor. It was immedia after ‘the first game and he had 8 prophesied who would win the pennant “Discharged.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. Clerk—TI'd like to get off early wife wants me to beat some car Employer—Can't possibly let voi off. ou are very says you terocity Clerk—Thank _you, sir. kind.—Boston Transcript. “What did you do in_the army” “Moet of thie time I was in charge ¢ squad men." U0n apeciad duty? By were. talking me to the guard house."—Cleveland Leader. LAUGY TT OFF. 8 E K in Judge When you totter ‘neath a ca Laugh it off; 1f your butter's full of halr, Laugh it off; 1f you're married to a shrew Or ‘'your butcher’s bill {s due, Or you're tortured by a shoe Laugh it off ‘ 1f you're mangled In a wreck Laugh it off; If a brick shoved from a Lands upon you in its Do not be “put out” Laugh it off. 1f a wasp lights on your ehec Laugh it off; If a fist strikes on your beak Laugh it off; If the lady’s father toe, Coming upward from below Hurts you as you swiftly go. Laugh it off. wall t al Low Prices Do the Business A fine looking upright, quarter sawed oak case Reynolds Plano, almost new—regularly sold for $276—we offer at $146—on $1 An ebonized upright Hallet & Davis Plano, as good as any A mahogany Imperial Plano, must be sold at once-—only $155. ‘A Shulboff Plano $165. A Cramer Oak Plano $138. son_Plano, Columbus Plano—all under $200—all on easy 1l get Stools and Scarfs FREE. We furnish a stool with ‘the Ohlo Valley Gem Upright for $45, An Irving A Nelson Plano, & Come soon A. HOSPE CO., 1513 Douglas Street . P. B——Have you seen the $376 Player Plaho on $2 ‘weekly You will want this—and trade in your