Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, February 13, 1910, Page 21

TREATING THE ANIMAL SICK Varied Patients at the Dispensary Just Opened. TREATMENT IS GIVEN FREE Dogs, Cats, v Among Day es—Need Shown of Such Tastitation Help Pets of th Horses and a Parrot Are « an to Poor, NEW YORK, 12.~You can ses at almost any time a row of men and boys and sometimes a woman or two before the eb, in gt letters for Animals, Advice and Treatment Free.” The only things in the window are a couple of non- slipping horseshoes gdjusted to a couple of hoofs, and behind these and forming a partial screen a row of four wooden cages with wire tops. The waiting room, cheerful with much ‘white paint, Is furnished with a large table containing some animal literature, a couple of wooden forms and one wooden armchair ranged along one side of the wall. At the rear is a partition shutting oft the veterinary's office. It fs only since January 15, when the Woman's auxiliary of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals opened his dispensary, that New York has been on the same level in this respect as Lon- don, Berlin, Dresden, Lyons, Copenhagen and other Buropean citles, which for years have included an animal clinle among thelr charities. Since 183 275,000 dogs alone have been treated free at the London clinic held in the Royal Veterinary college, and Berlin has treated 200,000 dogs and 40,000 cats. * In a measure the first free dispensary and clinic for animals in this city is the outcome of the Work Horse parade, now an annual Memorial day affalr, and the work principally of Mrs, James Speyer, president of the Woman's auyilary, At the close of the parade -last spring the manager of the parade told Mrs. Speyer that scores of drivers of trucks, express wagons and hucksters' carts, whom he 4 S Not in It. N old darky named Mose White, in one of the southern states, walked down the main street one morning, in his best black broadcloth suit, with a white rose in his buttonhole and cotton gloves on his large hands. “Why, Mose," said the proprietor of & large store that he was passing, “‘are you taking & holida: “Dish yere,” said the old man in a stately voice, “am mah golden weddin,' sah. Ah'm sallybratin' hit."” “But your wife,” sald the storekeeper, “is working as usual. I saw her at the tub as I passed this morning. Why lsn't she celebrating too “Her?" sald Mose, angrily. got nuffin to do with it fou'th."—Harper's Weekly. . An Invidious Inguiry. 1t is related of the president of a famous college that at one time he allowed his Wifg to persuade him of the uselessness of fire insurance ¢h household goods, and he allowed his policy to lapse. But better judgment asserting itself, he finally re- newed his Insurance. That same day a fire in his wife's rooms destroyed some of her dresses, which the Drofessor enjoyed as a Bcod joke. In due time the president of the insur nce company wrote President Blank thi letter: “Dear Mr. Blanl ‘We inclose check for $00, paying your fire claim under our policy B-6007. I note in passing upon these papers that the policy went into effect at noonm, De- cember 10, and the fire did not oceur until $p. m. Why the delay?'—Cirele Magazine. “She hain't She am mah Yollowing The old broker returned and found his new office boy gazing absently over the rooftops. To his horror and Indignation he found that his vostly Swiss clock was ruction missing from its accustomed place in the|8nd clove for nincteen years, but corner. “Boy!" he demanded in thunderous tones, ‘where {8 my clock?" “I don't know, sir,” unruffled response. “Didn’t T tell you not to go out until I returned?" “f alan't, sic. “Where have you been?" “Right here, sir “What? You mean to tell me that you have been sitting right here and allowed some one to come In and steal the clock? Well, of all the numskulls I eyer met you are the limit. What excuse have such carelessness " “A good one, sfr. When I first came here you told mie'you dldn't want a boy who would sit ayound and watch clock, so 1 haven't igiven it a glance. was the calm and you for the sir.” Embarrassing for Her, A Milwaukee man and his wife recently received & call from an old friend whom they had not seen for years. Just before the three sat down to a Jittle supper in the German style, the wife, selzing a favorable opportunity, whispered to her husband ““We have only three bottles of beer the house—just enough to Don't ask him to have more’ n €0 around, “Very well,” apnswered the husband, who | who, 34 to be thinking of something else | broke forth it time. an hour later the host, 1o his wife's | were no cloves on the ba | | | | | THE POOR MAN'S DOG knew, had wishea many & time that thers was a place where, in an emergency, ani- mals could be taken for free treatment and that in his opinion such a place w badly needed downtown. At the first fall meeting of the auxillary Mrs. Speyer talked the matter over with the members, with the result that by the end of the year enough money was pledged to start the dis- pensary in a very modest way and sup- port it for one year. The store selected for headquarters runs through to Mulberry street, It has plenty of light at either end and it fs in the heart of the heaviest traffio and ad- a jacent to a thickly populated Eald one of the veterinaries In charge “At the London ¢linle cows and monkeys are often among but 1 don't suppose there o 4 sow in Manhattan This man was graduated from the Londo college, the course is four instead of three years as in this cou v and his speclalty is dogs and cats. These | he treats at the dispensary, also performing minor operations, from 10 to 12 and 3 t | Major operations, requiring subsequent hos pital care, are sent to the animal hospital in connection with the depariment of opera tive surgery of Cornell University Medical college in Twenty-sixth pot get expert care free of charge, A United inspector donates o'clock to treating horses brought dispensary or giving adviee glek horses and he lends one of his tants for a eouple df hours, morning and afternoon Of the from fourteen treated daily =ince the opened two-thirds there are about six Among the men who hour are hucksters and truckmen own one horse which they work on their own account and which may ailing in the stable or too il to do its ordingry work. Most of these men can't afford ‘ln call in a veterinary and before the dis. | pensary was opened they had to depend on [home made remedics. Now they Jml symptoms to an expert, who can then ’]\ldlx! pretty nearly what the trouble is. terrl the cases treated 18 such a thing whe vears States yeterinary -1 th government time from his 12 to owners to twenty dispe and to at cases sa cats was and cat dogs dogs come every the noon who be THE FASCINATION OF SOMETHING FOR NOTHING. THE OMAHA SUNDAY BEE: where they | come and | | Occastonally as in the case of a piotur- sque and very poor Itallan, the speclalist sxplains that the sconer a horse that has been down & woek With the symptoms de- scribed 1s put out of pain the better. It is the cheapest way out of the trouble, the | man is assured, and, of the cheap. | est way s the only to be considered like these. | Big, powerful animals | with & stight ident halted before the dispensary and treatment is sought for them. One old horse was brought from Thirteenth for examination and its owner Was sent away with medi- cine in his pocket and A pleased grin A decrepit looking nag drawing an empty s wagon pulls up and the negro driver comes in to say “Pears lak he can't go, boss.” \6 voterinary's face looks stern # the man's story Whose horsee i that?' says the negro. ‘I done week fo' $00." This with The veterinary looks expiains some things him_ his card and than when he came. That map Is the vietim of a gyp,” the veterinary remarks as tl turnout crawls out of sight. “The negro admits that he took the horse on his looks as he stood in the stable, glad get him for the money ‘What's & gyp? Well cheap horses whose merits customers can find out for and most of the men who buy these |are such fools that they never make the least attempt to find out what a horse Is | like 1l they have pald the cash | “I know the man the negro got the nag {trom aind T have sent him word that he | must do better by the negro or else get | more notoriety than he Perhaps | may do some good, perhaps not negro bought the horse with his cour way n cases which are have imet ac ne sorrel street expre till he he asks. “Mine' bought him las' an alr of pride the hosse over o the negio, gives sends him away wiser to he's a dealer in or demerits themselves or likes. it { ey | “There are almost as many gyps around as thei are poor horseshoers,” the vet- erinary adds, as he goes out to see what alls a horte limping painfully up to the | curb. As ‘that I expected,” he sald aftsrward, was a case of & shod nafl being an inflammation sure to and which oant be helped much till the shoe comes off, 1 have had like that which needed a month's treatment to cure. “There s lame any horse cases more cruelty horses In horsesholng than is dreameéd of. Even the | best of the horse shoers [n this city are none too good, and the average black- smith who shoes the poor man’s one horse which must be worked six days in the week if his owner would make a living is about the most Incompetent workman I know of. About nine ous of every ten cases of lameness I treat are due to poor shoeing. “During the recent slippery weather we loaned a good many pairs of non-sipping horseshoes to help fallen horses on their feet and to help others up a hill. Yes, they help a good deal golng up hill. “A feature which shows how much the dispensary is appreciated in the willing- ness, the eagerness, 1 may say, of some poor men to pay a little, for the help they get. Not quite understanding the object of the place and not knowing much Eng- lish they pull out a nickel or two or & dime and offer it.” As a general thing the cat and dog specl- alist has the liveliest part of the program, especlally after school hours, which is the busiest time at the dispensary. Some- times business comes with a rush, again there are long, quiet lapses. “Probably,” sald the veterinary, “when | the neighborhood learns about the place I shall not have much spare time, At pres- ent persons living miles away know more FEBRUARY horses | driven too close to the flesTi; which started | about | at hand.' As If to bear out this statement a wom breathless from carrying & heavy basket |and who Illved in Yonkers, she sald walked in. Tn the basket was & big vellow | cat who had swallowed & nsedle and thread The woman told with satisfaction how she had sluded the vigilance of the sub- way guards, who frown on feline passen- gers, even in b In her eyes of the cat's sufferings. The veterinary did not having an X-ray apparatus, but he did find that pussy’s throat was very much inflamed from needle scratches. Both the cat and his mistress were happler when | they left “Oh, not at all," the veterinary answered when asked if this was not an unusual case, “Cats often swallow needles, which sometimes slip down without giving much trouble and again lacerate the throat pretty badly.” us than the populatien living right The next He was a patient was. the vietim of a cat good looking bullterrier in the care of a small bov and girl, who held on to leash with a determined, part us If you dare expression not to be mis- taken. The dog. who held his head down |in a shamefaced fashion, had an ugly cut across one cheek. The girl, who spoke better Kngiish than the boy, told the veterinary indignantly | that hér dog was no fighter. No indeed. He was the most amlable of dogs, always excepting when he saw a cat. Then | well, yes, he always chased cat#, and this morning the cat turned and did her worst, which was pretty bad for the dog. | A respectable middle aged female Bos- ton terrier was brought in by a hard work- ing careworn German woman, who told how important member of the family it was She fondled the dog as she would a baby. Could the veterinary make it well?" asked anxiously The dog had dropsy, she was told, which | an operation would relieve, but probably she would never be quite well again. Yes, |he would do the best he couid and she | must bring the dog in again day after to- morrow. his she | A stolid looking Italian workman ap- | peared at the noon hour with @ small fox terrler pup in his arms. He had picked the animal up in the street one day, given it a home, grown fond of it and now wanted to make it well. “A bad case of mang “but curable. Thursday he was told, Don't forget to coma back for more medicine,” called the veterinary after him, and the man went out looking as if he had found a gold plece. “Skin diseases head the list of dog dis- orders treated here and broken bones come | next,” sald the veterinary. . “Ugh,” screamed a raucous voice, and the surprised veterinary turmed to find a blg green parrot at his elbow, who re- turned his good natured smile with an in- dignant glance. Said the young girl who brought the bird “We think an awful lot of him because my brother brought him from Panama. He's awful smart and he used to be awful handsome." “What have you been feeding him?" asked the veterinary looking at the ragged | plumage. Just about what the family ate, including | beef and bologna sausage, he was In- formed. “The simple lite for you for a while, Mr, Parrot,” the veterinary pronounced, and Ugh!" screamed the bird derlsively as he was carried out. “This fen't a bird store, but we don't refuse to help anything in the bird of beast line that comes along,” commented the veterinary, In the wake of the parrot was a tall man who asked might he bring a collie the next day to be treated, and could the dog kets, and then with tears | | not find the needle, long &he had the animal and what an | N NN \\\\\\\\ | “IT SEEM LAK | stay there for a week? | “You may bring the dog for treatment, but we cannot keep dogs here,’ was the answer. “The cages in the window are merely provided for dogs who ma to be sent o the gas tank and are waiting | to go.” | ““What surprises me most down here | the remarkable love of poor Germans for |ieks are crusiied mused as | again.' | domestic pets,” the veterinary | the door closed behind a German woman who brought an ailing cat to be looked [ who was resting comfortably in th woman the | in over. “The poorer the man or greater the devotion to dog or cat. Their it | | conslernation, asked the guest to take more beer. The invitation was politely de- clined, but still the host did not desist. A dozen times the caller was urged to drink; a dozen times he firmly refused. When he had departed the wife took her husband to task. “What on earth made you persist so? Didn't 1 tell you there were only three botties? Why did you insist upon his having more beer, more beer, more beer?" “Mercy!” exclaimed forgot entirely “But," continued the wife, “why did you suppose 1 was kicking you under the table?” “My dear,” blandly replied the husband, “you didn't kick me' the husband," I oM R Drawing the Line. Elihu Root, at the annual dinner of the International Young Men's Christian soclation in New York last month, said that evil courses were more difficult to conceal than men generally belleved. “Take the case’ said Mr. Root, with a smile, “of 0ld John Bodewin, John was a lawyer's confidential clerk, and he had the pernicious habit of golng to a nelgh- boring saloon every morning at 11 and taking a small glass of whisky. He wa: not proud of this habit; hence, after the | whisky, he always took a clove. “But one morning it happened that there and John, hav- ing considered the matter, swallowed & small raw onion from the free-lunch tray. That would destroy the tell-tale whisky odor, no doubt, as well as the clove had always done, and, so thinking, he returned to his desk. “It was a double desk. At it he and his employer sat face to face. ' John, on his return, was soon aware that his employer noticed something, The man's nostrils quivered, he sniffed, and finally, with a grimace of disgust, he broke out: “‘Look here, John; I've stood whisky 1 draw the line at whisky and onjon." —- Women Workers. In Italy women may not work more than twelve hours, in Holland and Austria and Switzerland not more than eleven, In Ger- many and France not more than ten, South Australia prohibits more than forty- eight hours a week or ten in any one day. In America, says the Survey, we began at ten hours, in Massachusetts in 1874, and that standard has been adopted In most of the states which have enacted similar laws, though Michigan and Missour! last year established a fifty-four-hour week for most of their working women and the Missourl law allows no more than nine hours fn any one day and no work be- tween 10 at night and & in the morning. Judicial Hamor, Like many of his colleagues on the su- preme court bench, ex-Justice Charles H Truax, who died In New York City recently, though stern and dignified, had a fine sense of humor, whieh he occasionally indulged In court at the eypense of a lawyer or liti- gant. The story is told of & case in which Justice Truax heard argument. After lis- tening to the opposing lawyers the Justice gave his declsion In favor of one of them, apparently elated over his victory, fo tervid argument, giving turther reasons why he was entitled to the decision. Justice Truax lstened to the end, and then, addressing the talkative lawyer, said sternly: “Notwithstanding what you have just sald in your supple- mentary argument, 1 am still inclined to decide In your favo Justice Lurton and Lineoin. Some months ago, relates the Philadel- phia Ledger, a company of representative men living in the mid-west were the guests of Judge Henry S. .Severns, an associate circult judge of the Sixth judicial distriet, with Judge Lurton. The gathering took place at Grand Rapids, Mich, and In the course of the evening Judge Severns sald to his friends that he had a little anecdote to tel! them which might prove of interest to them. He said: “A youth of 17 years of age, whose home was In Tennessee, en- listed in the confederats army and took part in several of the important battles that were waged in eastern Tennessee and northern Georgia. In one of these battles he was captured and sent to the federal prison at Sandusky, O. His mother was distracted. In ways known only to her- selt she was able to penetrate to the union lines, and at last found herself in Wash- ington, determined to have a personal in- terview with Lincoln. “What could she do there, a friendless and obscure woman, whose family had espoused the confederate cause? But she found the way to meet President Lincoln and to have an Interview with him. All that she asked of him was that he re. store her boy to her, permit her to go to the federal prison with an order for his release. And Lincoln gave her that order. She went to Sandusky, presented the order to the commandant, and speedily her boy was with her, free and on tacit parole. “And there he now sits” sald Judge Severns, pointing toward Judge Lurton. Not one of those present know of this in- cldent excepting Judge Lurton and Judge Beverns. But the anecdote as then told by Judge Severns was recalled, after it became known that President Taft was considering the appointment of Judge Lur- ton as a member of the supreme court bench. And now that this appointment has been made, It Will be possible for | Judge Lurton to say to his assoclates upon that bench: “I was a prisoner of war in the federal prison; I was released by the personal order of President Lincoln, and upon the plea of my mother, and by reason of that law and procure admission to the bar, else 1 should not now be her e Saw Things and Shot 'E Sir William Henry Perkins, the inven- tor of many coal-tar dyes, was talking in New York before he sailed for England about the Psychical Research soclety “Crookes and some other sclentists go in for physical research,” he said, though I confess that to me the subject makes no great appeal. “Personally 1 have come in contact dur- ing a fairly long career with but one ghost story. Its hero was a man whom I'll call 8nooks. ‘Snooks, visiting at a country house, was put in the haunted chamber for the Cardinal Satolli and the Gridiron. ARLY In his experience as apos- tolic delegate at Washington, the late Cardinal Satolll was bidden to one of the famous dinners of the Gridiron club, an organization of Washington cor- respondents. The rule of the club forbids reporting speeches delivered at the dinners, The bidden guest was not aware of the rule and prepared an address explanatory of the object of his mission, about Which there was much public curiosity. He pre- pared a careful statement of the purpose of his mission, attended the dinner, and, as he spoke no English, had the speech read by his secretary, Mgr. Rooker. It was a speech of about twenty-five minutes in duration. A copy of it had been glven to the As soclated Press for distribution to the ne papers of the country. The situation was still more humorously complicated by the fact that not a single representative of the Associated Press was then a member of ;m. club, while the United Press, its rival, was represented by P. V. De Graw, now { fourth assistant postmaster general. | The Assoclated Press, aware of the con- | fidential nature of the dinner, was in e quandry. So was De Graw. So was the club. And so, it he had only known ft, | was the papal delegate. There was & hur- ried conference, and the president of the | elub privately called a meeting of the ex- ecutive committee. The members of that committee hastily adjourned to a side room, | held a hurry-up meeting, passed a resolu- | tion suspending the rule for this occasion and this speech only, telephoned a re- | lease” to the Associated Press, and re- | turnea to their places at the tables with | nobody but themselves the wiser | was given by the Associated Press to the | United Press, and the newspapers of the eountry got Satoll's speech He never | knew his mistake Colomel Jack Chinn In New Role, “My old friend and fellow-countryman Colonel Jack Chinn, has Introduced & some- A copy | what singular, but meritorious, bill in the Kentucky legisiature, of which he s an tllustrious member,” sald Judge Nat Crutchfield of Louisville, Ky. quoted by the Baltimore American. “Colonel Chinn, in times past, has been regarded as a too-ready scrapper. Impetu- ous by nature and prone to substitute blows for argument, he has been the hero of many an exciting mixup. In the lobby of a Chicago hotel, at a national democratic convention, he got into & dtspute with some Tammany Hall braves, and it required six | of the huskiest men from the wigwam to convince him that he was in error, and even then he put three of his foes hors de combat. The others beat up the doughty colonel considerably, but they couldn't make him holler. “Now, in the evening.of his active and adventurous existence, Colonel Chinn s wholly for peace. His blg bowie knife re- poses at the bottom of his well, and long since he gave away his darling ivory-han- dled six-shooter, “Realizing the unnumbered tragedies and widespread woe that the pistol habit has caused in his state and all over the south, Colonel Chinn has framed and introduced a bill which adjudges any man caught with a revolver on his person to be a lunatle, and prescribed™a penalty of one year's con- finement in & lunatio asylum. The sen- tence must stand for a year, as the bill expressly states that no doctor can be called in during that period for the purpose of saying that the prisoner is sane. “Probably the measurs will never become a law, but it is certainly & move in the right direction, and If It were enacted might go a long way toward breakidg up the most vicious and detestable custom of the age Blue Jeans Willinm: | Adlal Stevenson, fn his recent book, tells of his first meeting with Blue Jeans Wil- llams of Indlana and glves a sample of Willlams' demand for economy i the mat ter of towels: While a passenger on & train 10 Wash- | | Gossip and Stories About Noted People ington to be present at the opening of congress my attention was directed to a man of venerable appearance who entered the sleeping car at a station not many miles out from Cincinnati. He was dressed In “Kentucky jeans" and had the appear- ance of a well-to-do farmer. Standing in the aisle near me, he was soon engaged in earnest conversation with the porter, en- deavoring to secure a berth. The porter repeatedly assurred him that this was im- possible, as every berth was taken. He told the porter that he was quite ill and must get on his journey. I then proposed that he share my berth for the night. He gladly did so untll other accommodations were provided. On the Monday following, when the house was in process of organization, the name of James D. Willlams of Indians being called, my sleeping car acquaintance, still attired in blue jeans, stepped forward with his colleagues to the speaker's desk and was duly sworn in as a member of con- gress. This was his first term, but he soon became quite well known to the country. As chalrman of the committee of accounts, having to do with small ex- penditures, he closely scrutinized every claim presented, and scaled to the lowest many pet measures. His determination to cconomisze, as well es his pecullarity of dress and appearance, soon made him an especial object of amusement to newspaper correspondents, He was the butt of many plaint that hundreds of towels were being dally used by members at the capitol at the putlic expense, while at his home on his farm one towel would last a week, with cleven in the family. Despite, however, all | Jokes and gibes, he soon became tho mo: popular man in his state.: “Blue Jeans Williams" became & name to conjure with, and In the celebrated campaign of 1876, after an exciting contest, he was elected governor, defeating an able and popular release I was able to keep up the study of | night. He said he felt no uneasiness; nev- ertheless, he took to bed with him a re- volver of the latest American pattern. “He fell asleep without difficulty, but as the clock was striking 2 he awoke with | & strange feeling of oppression | “Lifting his head, he peered about him. The room was wanly llluminated by the full moon, and in that weird, bluish light he saw a small hand clasping the wail at the foot of the bed. “‘Who's there? ously, “There was no reply. move, ' ‘Who's there? sald Snooks again. swer or I'll shoot.’ “Agaln there was no reply, and Snooks sat up cautiously, took careful aim and fired. “He Mmped from that night on, for shot off two of his own toes.” he demanded, tremul- The hand did not ‘An he The latest hard luck story is charged to Nebraska. A young woman was upstairs in a country hotel, fixing herself up Yor her marriage, while the bridegroom and the preacher waited in the parlor down- | statrs. After fussing with curling irons |and such things for about two hours, she | was finally ready, and started down. She stumbled on the top step, and took a header the rest of the way and landed at the foot With a broken arm and her fac bruised beyond recognition. The bride- groom was a herolc soul and when the village doctor had done his best, the wed- ding went ahead. — Mabone's Great Risk. General Adelbert R. Buffington, at a dinner in Madison, N. J., told a number of civil war stories “General Mahone,” he sald, “was very thin. One cold and windy December morn- ing in 1864 he was taking & nap in his tent when his old colored servant, Uncle Davy, tiptoed in, and, stumbling in the darkness, knocked down the general's folding cot and spilled him out on the frozen ground. “General Mahone jumped up furiouly, selzed a scabbard and made for Davy. Davy ran. The general gave chase. “Uncle Davy tore up hill and down dale untll he was pretty well out of breath; then he looked back over his shoulder at his master, who bounded after him on slender limbs, blue and thin, his long, white nightshirt fluttering in the chill Genera de lan's sake, Mars' William,' the exhausted Davy yelled, desperately, ‘you' hain't trustin’ yo's'f in dis wind on dem legs, Is —Cineinnat! Enquirer. | | According to a story | former | Gover at @ re- told by or Stokes of New Jersey, cheap jokes, one being his alleged com- | cent banquet, vanity is not contined ex-| | clusively to the female sex of the human species, In & small town over In Jersey, M Stokes sald, there is)a corner grocery where you may buy ‘anything from a | twenty foot ladder to & pearl necklace. | Adhesiva plaster, sauer kraut and tollet | articles are also sold, and .in cash of ne- | cessity you may get a haircut or a horse | shod in the back yard Some time since & farmer stopped in the have | her haid. | the gas tank. As nis gratitude when a pet is made well is so|street door softly behind her and started very genuine that it does one good to see | back to her work she drew the back of her HE CAN'T GO." At the next that black d the specialist looked grave “He was run sald the hard working with “But he was run over ready and got well,” this very pleadingly T'm afreaid he's done for this time. the veterinary sald gently. “Both front case, 1 over, owner, & woman shawl over once Al i The woman went out wAthout the dog, basket the journey to mistress closed the which he would make | hand across her wet eyes | | | | thet counter. |1eader, who twelve years later was himself | siore to get somo horsé linfment to rub the | elected president of the United States. ilrlmumun-m out of & sick cow, and two or | BEING TREATED FOR THREAD AND NEEDLE, hort Stories of Several Sorts Selected Specially for Sunday Service three days later he came back with a life- sized kick. “Look here, Abner,” he complainingly re- marked, “I wish yo would be & leetle might more keerful how ye throw yerself back o' T’other day ye gave me cologne instead o' hoss liniment, and gash- dast If I didn’'t put it on thet sick cow afore I found out what it was. ‘It didn't hurt her any, did it?" broke in the groceryman. 'an't say that it did,” answered the farmer, ‘‘but ever sence she has had thet sweet smellin’ stuff on her, she hain't dons a derned thing but jes’ look at her reflec- tion in ther duck pond an' sigh. —— Young Gourmaands. Rev. H. J. Inglis, at a newsboys’' Christ- mas dintger in Denver, amused his young audience with some strinking instances of overfeeding. “At a Christmas dinner,” he 14, I once pressed a third plece of ple on & lad, who thought a moment, then nooded and sald: * ‘I guess 1 can manage it if I stand up.’ Angther lad at this same dinner ate so much that he couldn't walk. When it was decided that he would have to be carried out, he issued the warning ‘All right, carry me; but don't bend me." “I asked a third lad, as the fruit and nuts came on, iIf he had made a good din- ner. 'No, sir,' he answered, pressing his hand to his stomach; “it don't hurt yet.' " — arnegie’s Joke, Andrew Carnegle tells this one anent his rent fall in Central park: “A self-made 1 know was talking to a minister. The toplc was, of courss, his own success in busine “'Yes, doctor,” sald he, ‘I began life as & bare-footed newsboy. - At 30 I was worth 98,000, I was a millionaire at 8. And yet everybody was against me, I achleved Buccess single handed and by my own ef- forts." “Here the self-made man remembered that In conversation with a minister he ought to adopt & somewhat more humble tone, 50 he hastened to add *'Of course, I don't deny the Providence, now and then, may have had something to do with it New York Sun. e 4 g Economy. The Rev. William H miselonary, was talking of the Vatsrland about ive trader. “The man was so mean,” sald Mr. Leslle, I can only compare him with Saun- MacPherson of Peebles, ‘Saunders visited his rich cousin; Frazer, in New Yo staying seven months, Frazer one day led him into & cigar shop, saying “‘Come In and have a clgar, Sandy.’ “Frager bought two 10-cent cigars, gave one to Baunders, and pr eded to light up. As he did , Saunders sald to the salesman: “ “These cly ter, 1 belleve?" ‘Yes, #ir,' said the salesman Vhen,” sald Saunders, laying down a nickel and at the same time opening his cigar case, 'I'll take the third one, iIf you pieas New York Times Andrew Leslie, & in the mean Congo saloon a Belgian “that ders rs sell at three for a quar-