Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, December 2, 1909, Page 6

% FOUNDED BY EDWARD ROSEWATER vn.run. mul'A’rln. EDITOR. onyu Postolfice as second- mal ler TERMS nr SUBSCRIPTION. Dally Bes (without Sunday), one year. uoo Daily Pee and Sunday, one yea ELIVERED BY CARRXIR 1 (Bee (with Sunday), (T Bt 3 B Ben ona poan K Satyrday Bee, one yeur e88 all complafnt; adivery 28 ity Chroutation Dorariment OFFICES. Omaha—~The Bee Buflding. Satith Omaha—Twenty-fourth and N. Counell Bluffs—15 Soott Street. Lincoin—518 Little Building. Chicago—1548 Marquette Building. New York—Rooms 1101-1102 No. 84 West Thirty-third Street Washington—725 Fourteenth Street, N. W. CORRESPONDENCE. munications relating to news and edi- Lol matier snould be sadreased: "OmAne Bee, Editorial Departm REMITTANCES, Remit by draft, express or postal order payable to The Bee Publishing Company. Only 2-cent stamps received in payment of mail aceounts. Persona) checks, except on Omaba or easiern exchaliges, not accepted. STATEMBENT OF. CIRCULATION. State of Nebraska, Douglas County, se.: Gedrge B. Taschuck, treasurer of The Bee Publishing Company, being duly sworn, says that the aetual number of full and complete coples of The Dally, Morning, Evening and Sunday Bee printed during the month of November, 1909, was as follows: 43,070 41,930 42,160 41,600 Total. Returned Coples Net Total.. Dally Average..... GEO. B. TZ Subscribed in my presence and sworn to before me this 1st day of December, 1909, (Seal) M. P, WALKER, Notary Publie. Subscribers leaving the city tem- porarily should ave The Bee mailed to them. Addrese will be changed as often as requested. The kalser seems to think better of the sick insurance. The time has arciyed for the Christ- mas shopper to count the days. The Brownsville fnv estigation thusg far reveals the same old dusky hue. i “Bank c}oud cashier absent,”” may be taken as a sure sign that the cash is also. | Secretary Wilson's cornucopia will look well o Uncle Sam's Christmas tree. At any rate, Omaha’s Indian supply depot will -refuse to be abolished un- less they are all abolished A lost Dauphin claim is again both- ering France. This has no bearing on the case of the lost Dr. Cook. Of course, those present at the open- ing of the Cookery at Copenhagen will take all necessary precautions. As the fever runs its course, the flush of the Christmas shopper will be transferred from purse to cheek. At the native lon-killing exhibition Mr. Roosevelt has again shown how to tread softly and carry a sharp stick. —_— A bureau of municipal statistics for Omaha would be very fine, especfally for the statistician at $250 per month. EESTp— State Treasurer Brian has $500,000 of state funds in hand, of which only $5,000 are cash drawer items, That looks better. All of the railroads centering here have put in attractive excursion rates for the Corn show. The latchstring is out to the whole world Down in Lincoln a. man has been fined $25 and costs for failing to re- port a case of diphtheria. A few ob- Ject lessons like this would be salutary in Omaha, ‘What's this, s0 many Chicago people asleep in the daytime that the street nolses must be silenced? ' Thought Chicago used to boast it was always wide-awake. —_— Ay ' Putting a meter on telephone serv- ice Would surely be resented by sub- scribers, unless the company can de- vise a graduated scale on short, com- mon and long. From the government's threat to in- vestigate the speculative manipulation of the cotton market it is evidently be- lieved that there is a cotton evil be- sides the weevil Popularity of the cemeteries for an- imals is Itkely to spread. Nearly every man knows of some family pet in the neighborhood which he would like to see burled Now that it is no longer illegal, the rolling of a cigarette by a South Da- kota boy will not be half the fun it was when he had to dodge a policeman for euch a dare-devil crime. It now develops that an Iowa man whose heart had always been supposed to be in the right place has his heart on the wrong side, which is right. THe case I' somewhat confusing. gty W tgb- out tial It was & World¢ Ho"ld ‘reparter.who made the mation Ppuh Library board “to swal- 5, as the editor of Mw '!“ it Get together. ] 180 | DIgh. No Sugar Scapegoat. The reported refusal of a lessef of- fielal of the sugar combine té submit to being made a scapegoat for his su- perfors, has a welcome sound, for it in- dicates that out of the mouths of the offenders on the rack the full truth may come at last. No one has any de- sire that any scapegoat shall bear alone the sears of chastisement; what is wanted is absolute discovery and punishment of all the rascals, low and It a superintendent aided in frauds under orders, it may not reveal a very lofty integrity on his part, for he could have refused to obey such orders, lost his job, and exposed the whole crooked deal, but since he did follow instruetions, making a clean breast of it all should bring some good out of evil. The public is in no mood to sympathize with any cloaking attempt; it wants the brand applied Nequnlly upon all in the ring. So far as any governmental con- nection with the sugar frauds has been disclosed, there {s no evidence of highup collusion, though there is a sug- gestion of official error of judgment. Mr. Gage, former secretary of the treasury, now admits that rumors of fraud came to him and that he dis- missed them by passing them up to Mr. Havemeyer, belleving that as an honor- able business man that functionary would ferret out and put a stop to bribery and thievery, if any existed. It is naturally to be expected of any pub- lic official that he would be alert to investigate such reports for himself, rather than trust alone to the one per- son most interested financlally. A thorough exposure and prosecu- tion of the sugar thieves is in prospect and no half way business will suf- fice. Special Session Talk. Special session talk again emanates from Lincoln, where some of the demo- cratic politicians are said to be bring- ing pressure on Governor Shallenber- ger to call the legislature together once more, Just what reason there is now for a special session of the Ne- braska legislature that has not existed for months {s not apparent. It is hinted that the democratic wire- pullers would like to have the legisla- ture enact a initiative and referendum law, but the initiative and referendum was up at the regular session and was beaten then, and nothing has since occurred to show that there is any greater demand or that it would have any different fate. The last democratic state platform called on the governor to convene the legislature at once to ratify the income tax amendment to the federal constitu- tion in order that Mr. Bryan's home state might be first on record in favor of this proposal because of his advo- cacy of it. Inasmuch as other states have already acted Nebraska cannof, in the nature of things, be first on the list of ratifying states, and since it takes thirty-six and it will be at least two years before that number can pos- sibly aet, urgency for ratification by Nebraska has passed, if it ever ex- isted. One other possible justification urged for a special session is the de- posit guaranty law which Governor Shallenberger, himself, talked during the early part of the recent campaign. But when the decision came down in- validating that law on constitutional grounds, he publicly declared that the legislative action on this subject in ad- vance of the final decision would be uncalled for and ineffective. Some other laws passed by the late democratic legislature have, it is true, fallen by the wayside, but they have been, almost {invariably, partisan measures passed for the benefit of democratic ple-biters for whose dilemma no tears are shed. If the democratic politiclans merely want the legislature brought together to mix some more political medicine it s within their privilege to besiege the governor, but the general popular de- mand for another dose of the kind ad- ministered to Nebraska last winter has yet to develop. ‘Our Crops and Our Foods, In characterizing 1909 as the most prosperous year in American agricul- ture, Secretary Wilson depicts the farmer not only as a more successful champion than ever in defying drouth and other crop enemies, but also as a more able general In commanding prices. It has long been a favorite plea of the consumer that he would not so much mind the increased cost of living if he felt that the original producer were reaping the benefit. This cry may come home to roost, for Mr. Wilson produces statistics to show that in the upward movement of prices since 1896 the products of the farm have fared better than any other large oclass of commodities. To this there is one exception, which will touch the public on a sore point. In unfed beef cattle the farm price has barely begun to rise above the price level of tem to twelve years ago, yet the secretary's personally conducted investigation into the prices of meats shows the retail dealers charging an average of 38 per cent above whole- sale pricés, and In many cases the re- taller's margin goes above 50 per cent. The retaller. who hitherto has pleaded fmmunity, confronts a substantial in- dictment in the Wilson report. Aside from its interesting and valu- able records of the banmer year, the department demounstrates its useful- ness in the review of benefiefal work done for the publlc in the pure food and drug crusade and in the propaga- tion of advanced ideas for more in- telligent and intensive soil cultivation. The nation’s prosperity is based in so great a measure on ghaywf the farmer, fis that every citizen will welcome this ex- hibit manifesting the agriculturist's salns, The Switohmen's Strike. In the strike of the raflroad switch- men, does it appear that the public h been taken sufficiently into account? An unblased observer is apt to con- clude, from all the evidence at hand up-to-date, that both sides have per- mitted themselves to reach the point of exasperation prematurely, which s not conducive to sane settlement of controversies. And the resultant strike was precipitated just at a time when the railroads ought to have their full facilities in operation to accommo- date the holiday travel and to handle the traffic of the busy season’s trade. As is usual In all such cases, the public is the buffer between the dis- putants. And as such it has a right to have its voice heard. That volce s undoubtedly for arbitration of diffi- culties affecting common carriers. The roads and the men were not 8o ex- tremely far apart when the strike wi called and it would seem that they might yet get together for rational ad- Justment in the interests of both them- selves and the public. Strikes .are costly, and arbitration is always in or- der, The Rejected Budget. One thing that must forcibly im- press the American spectator of the British budget fight is the dispassion- ate deliberation of the chlef contes- tants. It had been popularly cried that revolution would follow the rejection of the budget by the lords, yet they calmly proceeded with their announced program, and after a series of debates that were masterly in their exhibition of dignity and statesmanship, stood unflinchingly for their original declar- ation of rights, and sent the whole sub- Jject back to the people. This fine display of courage cannot but have had a sobering effect on the thought of the Briton, who will now have some weeks of opportunity for consideration of the question on its merits before casting his ballot. The campaign is sure to be one of the live- liest in the history of England, but the eager supporters of the popular budget are confronted by a dauntless opposi- tion which at the most crucial point in the contest has shown that if it goes down to defeat it will at least die game. If the Sitnation Were Reversed. The insistence of the defeated anti- nluop candidates for police board places on a recount of the ballots in a fake election contest, throws a light on the pecullar motives and methods be- hind the whole proceeding. There is no question but that out of some 16,000 votes in the last city election, the contestants recelved only 3,000 and that-the people of Omaha - di tinctly said that they wanted thelr suc- cessful competitors. The only contention which the de- feated crowd has to offer is that all the straight party ballots should be thrown out in order to disfranchise the majority and let the minority rule. The intention of the voter who marked his ballot for a party ticket or for a group can not be gainsald. The point at issue, therefore, if there is any point at issue, turns on purely a legal tech- nicality which, as a matter of law, can not be affected by another count of the ballots, which can show only what every one concedes. In the intervsl it should be remem= bered that both the anti-saloonists and the liquor dealers joined hands last winter demanding of the legislature that the police board in Omaha be made elective, each side evidently per- suading themselves that they would win at the election. If the anti-sa- loonists had won and the defeated can- didates, representing the more liberal vote, had started contest proceedings to overturn a clear majority of more than two to one, just imagine the hue and cry that would now be plercing the skies. By addressing a personal correspon- dent Mr. Pinchot has given the public another statement of his views on con- servation. Coming so close upon the annual report of Secretary Ballinger, and containing almost identical sug- gestions as those of the head of the Interior department, Mr. Pinchot's let- ter adds little to what has gone be- fore, but shows that both officials still claim to be striving to accomplish the same general result, and that they can pull together if they only will. Out of all the weary disputation, it is to be hoped that congress will find a speedy way of evolving the necessary legis- lation that shall silence further dis- pute along these lines, That story of adaption of the card index system to & pastor's prayers sounds like a modern development of the ancient heathen custom of written petitigns to heaven such as returned missionaries used to exhibit before Sunday schools. Change in customs appears not to be confined to wordly matters. Governor Shallenberger has gone to Chicago to lcok after his interests as a candidate for director of the N tional Shorthorn Breeders' associa- tion. It is to be noted that our demo- cratic governor has no hesitation in turning the rudder of the ship of state over to the republican lleutenant gov- erpor. ¢ The local democratic organ com- plains because the proposed electric street lighting contract was not sub- mitted to the city law department be- fore it went to the council. Ordi- narily the complaint would be good, OMAHA, THURSDAY, DECEMBER but the gontract was presented this time by one of the democratic council- men who evidently thought he knew more law than the democratic city at- torney. The Mexican congress in session in the Clty of Mexico has just expelled a member found guilty of misappropriat- ing funds in his custody as guardian. This is\"‘barbarous Mexico.” Ever hear of any member of our congress, or of one of our state legislatures, being expelled for such a cause? Governor Haskell of Oklahoma wants a boycott on the rallroads re- sisting collection of the gross revenue tax recently imposed in that state, Ne- braska brought the rallroads to time when they resisted payment of taxes by another and more effective method. Germany manifests the satisfaction of a thrifty parent in its announcement that its colonial possessions are grow- ing nearer the point of paying their own way. These sons far from home usually have less compunction about drawing on the old folks at home. Attempting t6 settle the anclent con- troversy over Mrs. O'Leary's cow by the assertion that Chicago's fire was caused by spontaneous combustion of green hay, is only opening up a still more difficult moot point wherever the tall grass grows. The fact that Duke Karl of Bavaria devoted his time and his fortune to ad- ministering hospitals for the poor is an encouraging sign that the generic origin of the nobleman is not alto- gether lost in ogcasional cases. promoters make more fuss over thelr preliminaries, and raise more technical questions, than if the subject at stake were an international treaty. But that’s the most important part of the fight. The prize fight Our old friend, Ig. Dunn, has not yet apologized. Would any one but the city of Omaha employ an attorney under a disbarment preventing him from doing any law business in the courts? Indianapolis News. There 18 about as much chance for the insurgents in the senate to limit Aldrich's power, or for the insurgents in the house to splke Cannon as there is for the English liberals to put the budget through the country. Baselesn Surprine. St. Paul Dispatch. New England appears to be very much surprised that the west did not jump on Senator Aldrich and beat him up Instead of showing him every courtesy. The west has never been Jnown as “the ememy's House of Lords. Political Pipe Dremms. CleV81&na Leader. The British "hmlu grow more confi- dent as the .enml ‘election comes nearer and the oppostéldn becomes less sure of overturning the ‘Fovernment. Much Ilike this country, where the democrats are al- ways electing the president two or three years In’ advance and failing to do it when the Wifie comes. Reasoning Around a Circle, New York Sun. The “Insurgents’ are to be ‘“‘wiped off the map” at the election next year, accord- Ing «to ex-Representative Lacey of Iowa. The seat In congress that Mr. Lacey found comfortable was taken from him by a democrat and Is now occupled by a new republican. Perhaps Mr. Lacey regards this a8 a “stand pat’- trlumph. —_— TRADE COERCIO! What Happened to Merchant Who Threated Customer in Germany. Pittsburg Dispatch. In Germany the director of a combination was found gullty ‘of trade coercion by threatening”a customer with refusal to sell him goods if he should buy similar goods of parties not belonging to the syndicate. He has In consequence been sent to a term in prison. Germany has been cited as an example In favor of the combination plan as developed in this country. But the fact is that the “kartels” of that country are very limited both In duration and power as compared with our trusts and holding companies. The further fact appears in this case that thelr operations are closely watched, with sharp penalties for any infringement on the freedom of trade. Imagine an official of the Standard Oil company or the sugar trust sent to prison for threatening to blacklist a retailer it he should buy of an independent! The very just prineiple is laid down here that the boycott or blackiist is equally obnoxlous to the law, whether inflicted by the combination or a trade union. The in- dividual has the right to buy or not to buy, and to sell or not to sell. But when the refusal to buy or sell 1s the concerted effort of a combination of individuals to restrict the liberty of those at whom it is almed it comes within the scope of the law, RETURN OF THE TIDE. Marked Rise in the Influx of Im- migrants. Philadelphia Press. Exactly twice as many immigrants have come to Amerlca during eleven months of this year as arrived In the corresponding period of last year. The tide of people coming to this country again largely ex- ceeds in volume the stream that is flow- ing away from it. One of the astounding incidents occurring recently in the United States was the groat exodus of forelgners In 1906 Not only did immigrants stop coming here, but tens of thousands already landed re- turned to Europe. In" the entire year only & third as many came as in either of the preceding two years, while the army who went away greatly outnumbered the ar- rivi That was the first time on record when America lost population through the chan- nel of emigration. The so’e reason for this freezing up of the tide of Incoming laborers was the chill that had paralyzed our industries. They didn't come because there was no work to do, while at the same time thousands fled beciuse of the closed mills and the dead Industries. But now things are different. America's quickened trade appeals with its old-time foree to the European hordes who seek bigher wages, better homes and more comforts. In one month last year only 25,00 came, but in October nearly 76,000 arrived. There cou'd be no better proof that this is the land of plenty than the oncoming of the bosts of workers from. over the Atlantic., Washington Life Short Sketches of Incidents and Epi- sodes that Mark the Progress of Events at the National Capital. If there ever was wit or point to the gug that an elective officeholder's presence in church in Washington forecasted his re turn to private life, reality has blunted both. The marked regularity in attend ance of this class of government officials Is regarded as convincing proof of progress toward the higher life. Doubters and cynles may scoff at the increasing proces- slon moving toward the churches and sug- gest fashion as the motive because plety may be restricted to the seventh day, but when an officeholder boosts the price of Pews in one church to $3,000, the fact Is to be mccepted as substantial proof of a re- liglous uplift in circles too often regarded as hopeless. The prize pew Is in the fash- fonable St. John's Episcopal church, across Lafayette Square from the White Housr. A comparison with the prices of swell church pews In new York feaves the Wash Ington figure on the back stretch. The costliest pews In the metropolls, and prob- ably In America, are In Temple Emanuel Fifth avenue and Forty-third street, which bring $6,000 a year. Avenue Presbyterfan s0ld for $5,000. church has been ferred, good times are expected by the younger set at the White House during the coming season. The Taft children have & way of taking care of themselves and getting plenty of fun without neglecting their studies, and Miss Taft is not a whit behind her brothers in this respect. With her father's keen sense of humor, and a dimple the counterpart of his, though thoroughly Well read and a lover of books Miss Helen Is always ready for fun, and In her trips home to the White House she has shown a marked delight in soclety. It Is prophesied that when she does appear she will be a stellar attraction, and soclety reporters predict that the ‘“three Miss Tafts" will be consplcuous figures in the soclal circle next season, During the republican conventlon in Chi- cago last year one of the most enthusiastic auditors in the Taft box was Miss Louise Taft, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Henry W Taft, and many who were present will ro- call the enthusiastic “rooter” who wore a hat with red roses, The third member of the trio of cousins, also named Loulse, is the daughter of Mr. Charles Taft of Cincinnati; the two cousins bearing the same name are distinguished as Miss Loulse of Cincinnati and Miss Loulse of New York. The former is one of the greatest heiresses of Ohlo, but there 1s no indication that the distinction has In any way spoiled her. She Is a dark, slight little lady, with simple, unaffected man- ners. The three Taft girls are fine types of American young women. Miss Louise of New York is younger than her cousin Loutse; she fs tall and we'l proportioned, with flashing dark eyes, and has the alr of a young woman browght up in a great metropolis. There is m strong probability that hun- dreds of thousands, and possibly millions of dollars, may be subtracted in the fisoal vear beginning July 1, 1911, from the sums now paid to the raflroads of the United States for transportation of the malls. Postmaster General Hitchcock fs deter- mined to wipe out the postal deffelt, if possible. If an Inquiry he Is now con- Mucting discloses that the ‘rallroads . are foverpaid for carrying the malls, he will make recommendations that will undoubt- edly affect the revenues of the big roads of the country, For years the charge has been made, writes the Washington correspondent of the Brooklyn Eagle, that in oarrying the mails the rallroads have exacted exor- bitant rates, far greater proportionately than are imposed upon other forms of traffic. Within recent years, it 1s pointed out, congress has passed laws designed to protect the shipping public from unreason- able rates, but has failed to scrutinize properly, with a view of reducing them, the charges pald on the business of the postal service. It was announced by President Taft ear’y In his administration that every ef- fort would be made while he was in the White House to effect economies In gov- ernment expenditures. As a result, the estimates for appropriations for the army, the navy and other departments have been cut to the bone, and the indications are that no extraordinary expenditures will be authorized at the coming session of con- gress. Tn accordance with the retrenchment pollcy of the administration, the post- master general Is now trying to ascertain whether It is true, as alleged, that the postal service pays more for the traffic it originates than would be charged if the railroads were dolng the business with a private corporation. He will make a re- port to congress on the authority of a law passed In 187, h> has called upon the various raflroads for statements as to the exact cost per mile for mail transporta- tion, and he expects to have this Informa- tion in hand at an early date. The postoffice now pays to the rallroads of the country approximately $65,000000 a year. This expenditure, postal officlals say, may be reduced materially without doing an Injustice to the raflroads or im- pairing the efficiency of the service. It is understood that the rallroads take the position that thelr charges for trans- porting the malls are reasonable, and yield on'y a fair profit, not miore, in fact, so they declare, than comes from other forms | of traffic. A statement has just been issued in behalf of the postmaster general, setting forth in detail his purpose in call- ing for the data in question. The great rallroads of the country, aec- cording to advices recelved In Washing- ton, will make vigorous protests to the postmaster general against any reduction in mafl pay. Thelr experts are now pre- paring the reports to be submitted to the postal service. If the postmaster general should ask congress for authority to re- duce the mall rates the railroads have given notice they will fight the matter to the finish in the house and senate. Someone has taken Vice President Sher- man's gavel; the one he used to keep LaFollette and Beverldge and Cummins in order Quring the tariff debate last sum- mer. The usual crowd of sightseers was in the senate chamber a few days ago and the gavel lay on the vice president’s desk At the close of the day it could not be found. Every effort will be made to re- cover it. The gavel was of mahogany, taken from the doors of the o'd congres- sional litvary, in the capitol bullding. The wood came from Honduras In 1524, What Happened to the Judges, Philadelphia Record. In the fable the monkey ate up the cheese while he was pretending to divide it equally between two cats, and the fable does not relate that anything happened to him. But/two former judges of the court of common pleas in Ohlo have been dis- barred because under thelr judicial ga- ministration absolutely the whole of wn A pew in the Fifth! While the White House may not con tribute to the ranks of debutantes for son years to come, says a Washington maga- | aine, the debut of Miss Helen belng de- Baking Made fro rape:CCr | | D® PRICE'S CREAM Powder m Pure camiof Tartar “Surpasses‘every ‘ ol other leavening ‘ ‘| dfl,ent in* mak- ing ‘Kealthful, delicious food Z /7 NO-ALUM READ THE LABEL PERSONAL NOTES. A New York chauffeur whose machine was golng In an eccentric fashion was found to be suffering from an eplleptic tit. The others of his class, however, have no such excuse. The tax roll of Boston foots up $l, 948,227, a gain of $20,000,000 over last year. The record shows 620 cows in the city, 16600 horses, 69,000 dwelling houses and 189,59 persons asseseed for poll tax only. Pittsburg shop girls saved thelr rats by a threat to strike. While no masculine man can conceive a reason why rats should be worn, almost any mind can grasp the fact that the wearing of them is the wearer's business, Shortly after the obltuaries appeared and the preacher had pronounced the eulogy, an extra wife and an extra group of chil- dren appeared at the funeral of a New York politiclan and somewhat jarred the solemnity of the occasion. The cause of the disturbance was not disturbed. Captain Charles E. Shillaber, who fs bullding a canal from Tampico to Tuxpan for the Mexican government, is 70 years old. Heé was a sai‘or twenty-three years and his great-grandfather, Willlam Shil- laber, was on the Bon Homme Richard with Paul Jones when he captured the Serapls in the English Channel after a desperate fight. “Cuba—the rhost beautiful spot in all creation and the most fertile island in the world,” are the keynotes of the boom edi- tion of the Havana Post. A collection of pletures of urban and rural scenes supports the enthusiasm of the Post's word painters, presenting a combination of glowing at- tractions calculated to draw tourists when the north snows blow and frost bites the cuticle. The Post is up to date in handiing printer's ink and fashioning a lure that only scarcity of the wherewith can re- sist. -Coated Expectations. St. Louls Republic. What President Taft shall have to say In his annual message about the men higher up In the Sugar trust is awaited with expectancy. It Is not belleved, however, that he can do justice to the $30,000,000 which, it is estimated, they have annexed from the government by bribing custom house welghers. The Way to Make Sure. San Francisco Chronicle. The Standard Oil corporation was once dissolved in Ohlo, Then it reincorporated in New Jersey and Is ready to try some other place. The only way Uncle S5am can make sure of getting rld of it is to take up his residence for & year in Reno. Buy only baking pow- der whose label indi- cates cream of tartar WHI’ITLED TO A POM sald the efft ung woman, nize ¥ answered Mr. S grard all right; grand larceny."—Wasa- ington Star. “There is one thing which always puz d_me about the prohibitionists.” /hat's that?” How they could consistently support a full ticket."—Baltimore American. “Why don't you go on writing my ch?' said the orator. 'm spellbound,” replied the typist s my eloquence such an effect?" ee, sir. I never worked for a man who used so many words that I can't spell.”— Chicago Record-Herald. the mistaksa n looking back vou've made, young man,” counseled Uncle Allen Sparks, “don’t regret them. They have made you feel ashamed of yourself, and you can’t take a more wholesome mon- tal exercise than that “hieago Tribune. Examining Magistrate—Madam, you per- sistently deny (hat you committed this act, though the description of the culprit fits you exactly—beautiful face and figure, extremely youthfdl appearance, most ate tractive— The Defendant—Your honor, T confees all. Yes, it was 1.—Puck. A HARD WORKING VERB. New York Sun, The family physician *declares” you are a b Pop de your advent has prostrated him with joy. Sis declares that you have nails upon your tny toes, And Aunt declares you've got the old man's chin and mamma's nose. In course of time you do declare your love for Mary Jane. The priest declares that you are one and are no longer twain. As Fate will have it, you declare in time YOUu never sa An Indlyidual declare to beat your mother- in-law. The referee declares that she s lacking in civility, Declares it 'best to make the ground just incompatibility; referee's the report And the clerk been sealed daclares the papers have and filed away At last, when Gabrlel's bugle has declared your time has come, The doctor he declares your breath has stopped, your heart is dumb; The death certificate declares the cause of your demise, And all your friends declare their grief, as well as thelr surprise. A brief obituary note declares you lived and died, Declates you-rah for sherift, and little ’ue The stono that is erected within a year or wo Declares that it is sacred to the memory of of the Arab race. medan prophet, a man of sonal charm. 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