Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, March 20, 1892, Page 15

THE ARTAONA - KICKER AND OTHER STORIES. BY “M. QUAD". Special attention is called to the fact that Trr Brre has exclusive use in its territory of “M. Quad's” current writings (Copyrighted 1892 by €. 13, Lewis.) A FAR=WELL-Monday night thatlarge and maesive duffer known by the name of Hank Pierson, who has been trying to poss as & bad man nmong us, con- cluded to take our advico and change climates. His road lay past the Kicker office, and as a sort of farewell to us he fired threo bullets through one of tho windows. Weo got out as soon as possi- ble and fired a charge of buckshot at eomething black moving off. Next morning Hank’s left hand coattail was picked up on the street 200 fect west of our offico, and we shall add it to our stock of relics, We were after both coattails, having twenty-seven buckshot in the gun, but it was too dark for spraight shooting. MissED A Cot,—The groat Nineteenth Century Dramatic company was billed for two nights here last weok, but falled to open up. As editor of the Kicker we are entitled to six free tickets to any show. As ownor of the only hall in town wo aro usually given a dozon. As mayor were are never complimented with less than twenty. The agent of the abpve organization attempted to stand us off with n pass for two, and the result was he missed a cog and his machinery got out of order. Il theatrical companies can do business in this way we shall not complain. Tt has always been our aim 10 uphold the dignity of the press, and we shall continue right in that line, no mattor whose feelings are hurt. A SENSIBLE VERDIC ‘We under- stand thata juryol cowboys over in Clinch valley, who wore called upon to act in the case of a stranger found dead about a week ngo, returned a verdict that ho came to his death while fooling with a gun, While nothing is said to who tho gun belonged, the verdict isa seusible one. Instead of throwing any additional mystery over the caso it makes it plain the was rviding off ona 4-year-old mule which didn’t belong to him. No attempt was mado to find out the stranger’s name or whother he had an uncle in Chicago or an aunt in Phil delphia. The past tense has migh little to do with a chap who caught stealing o Clinch valley mule. Hoe is sized up on the present tense and planted accordingly. We think the man called at the Kicker office the wee before and offered to write us a $5 leader on the ('hilian question, but we declined and he stole our toothbrush and de- parted. Nor NEEDED—AL its last meeting the common council passed an ordinance aimed at the dozen or more citizens who got drunk overy ovening and amuse themselves shooting at every stray dog on the streats. It seemed to be needed just then, but wasn’t two days later. fis honor the mayor (who is ourself) broke up the practice in one evening, alone and single-handed, and saved tho town at least $50 expense. He discov- ered and kicked and disarmed fifteen different men, and the guns taken from them will be sold at auction Sat- urday This town has at last ot a mayor worthy of the name, and wo congratu- late the public on the fuct. Thus far his administration has been a grand success, and we haven’t the slightest doubt that he will be governor of Ari- zona in less than five years. IT’s His WAy—Our contemporary down the street met with an accident to his 0ld ramshackle press the other day and appenled to us to help him out. We cheorfully agreed to work off his inside pages on our new and elegant power press, and of course we counted the copies to see what his circulation was. It still stood at the same old figure —4064; but he had had the cheek to set np the elaim in that very issue, **This paper has the largest circulation of any journal in Arizona!” Poor old chap! He was a failure as an editor twenty years ago, and of the thirteen different bullets he has fired at at us not one came within three feot of head or heel. He has to usecarpet tacks to eke out his supply of type, and it’s a holiday with him when he has roast coyote for dinuer. BROTHER GARDNER ON VANITY. “I has bin keepin track o’things fur a good many y’ars past,” said Brother Gardner as he arose and looked around the hall, **an I has cum tode conclushun dat a big sheer of our trubbles am solely due to vanity. I solemnly believe dar am mo’ vanity in de cull’d race to de squar’ fut dan any odder people on airth. Many members ob dis club cum to me wid deir trubbles an tribulashuns, an in ‘:'o cuses out o ten T kin trace de causo k to vanity.” The president paused here to consult the thormometer hanging near, and afltor noting that itrecorded 102 degrees above, he continued “Take de case of Elder Toots, for in- stance, He haba steady jobut 7 por week in the lumber yard. He got up to dat elevated p'int whar he had eggs an bacon fur breakfast an whar he could drop ten cents into de church contri- bushun box, an den vanity stepped in to wroclk him. Ho boughtfo’ boxes of paper sollars at ono time; he ordered ice sream fur Sunday; he ’lowed his wife to in a high tea on her birthday; he eben un rented a piano ut 85 por month fur his gul 'Liza to drum on. In jest six weoiks do elder, ns yo' all know, was knocked out an appealin to dis club to lend him money o git his dawg out o’ pound. " "he elder, who occupi front stools, blew his nose and wiped his oyes and cvidently felt broken up, and Brother Gurdner went on: *‘Take de case of Sumuel Shin. No- body in dis world thought him anything mo’ dan common. He was sort 0" ub- bin around on two dollars a week an mighty glad to git a squar’ meal, when his uunt down in- Arkansas died an left him twenty-seven dollars in cash. De minit Samuel got hold of dat money a great change dun cum ober him. He walked up an down befo' de banks; he talked of rentin a box in de possofiice; ho priced obercoats s high as sixty dol- lars. I advised himto hidedem twenty- seven dollars in an oyster can till he had got ober de shock of sudden weulth, but Vanity wouldn’t "low him to, He plunged. Ho reckoned dat he could hu{ hulf de airth, Hecarried his- 1f ns stiff us o poker, an he wouldn't Doak to sartin members of dis club who doan’ weur alligator shoes. Whar am Brudder Shinn now? Vanity wreoked him. He sits ober dar by de alley doan crushed, broken an achin to ask Givea- dam Jones to lend him nine ecents to mwake a new start in life.” Sawuel hung his head Lo escape ob- ed one of the sorvation, and sevoral members acted as il they would like to get outdoors be- fore anything further wns heard to dm\\\" “Kay not yere dis eavenin’,”” observed the president. as he glanced over at the spot usually occupied by that individual “Am his wils dead? Am his_cabin buened down wia noinsurance? Was he called to Chicago or Buffalo by do sud- denness of a telegraph? No sah! Six weeks ago while he was contentedly poggin’ along on $7 per week a white man told him dat he looked like Cicero. Brudder Bebee doan’ know Cicero from Gineral Jackson, but he felt proud and flattered. He went right out an’ bought real linen collars an’ a 50-cent nockti an’ some ha'r ile an’a watch chain, an’ next day ho quit his job an walked around talkin’ ’bout free trade an’ tellin’ what ailed de kentry. T met him in a feed store, whar' I was buyin’ stuff fur my chickens, an’ he told ma he was dun gwine to becum a lawyer. Van- ity was climbin’ all ober him. He am not yere tonight becase he didn’t like to cum bar’fut, an’ his wife’s shoes am too gmall fur him. He am a finanshul wreck of de furst water, an’ vanity am de causo of it. He was bo'n to bo Waydown Bobee; he sighed to be Cicero. Result nkruptey. olonel Kyann Johnson now made a slide for the doo=, but before he reached t Brother Gardner stopped him and said: “One mo’ case—dat of Kurnel John- son. A monthago de kurnel was work- in’in a woou yard up nigh my cabin, He was doin so woll dat heaps o' folks was jenlous of him. Had hokept right on he would have becum the Standard Ile company of ds ‘borhood: but in an evil moment somcbody diskivered do fact dat his ha’r was alnost straight an his butes only No. 9’s. Dat setiled him. He quit his job an walked around arm in arm wid Vanity. Helet his wife buy lace curtains an plush kivered cheers, an he hung around de city hall an gin his views on de Chilian queshun. His earcor was brief. If do city hall was offered him tomorrer for a dime he couldn’t raise de cash.” The colonel got up to make some sort of reply, but words failed him and he resumed his seat with a bang and strug- gled with something which appeared like emotion, but might have been colic. Darfo’ T say to you, an’ 1 say it in all airnestness,” concluded the president, 1o bewar’ of vanity. 1t am wuss dan a a thief in de niglit. Drink steals away ¥0' brains fur only half a day, but vanity takes possession of yo'r hull head fur weeks at n time. Be proud of do fact dat yo’ wasn’t bo'n wid a short log or humped back one eye, but doan’t let vanity make yo’ believe dat dar was any speshual reason fur yo'r entrance into this world. We am all jest common cull’d folkes, sorter waitin’around to see what’s gwine to happen on de next change of de moon. We hain’t no call 1o be purty or proud, and do world coan’ keer whether we sot down &t home ou cune seat cheers or red plush sofas.” M. QUAD AND THE FREAKS. More than twenty yearsago I fell in with Prof. Somebody or Other, who was a professor of Something or Other, and he brought up the subject of transmigra- tion. We were traveling in n stage- coach and oxpected to be held up at overy mile, and I also had the jumping toothace. For thess reasons I didn’t argue the maiter with him, and because I had no chance to argo I was more than half satisfied of the correctness of the theory as expounded by him. Yes, gentlemen,” said the professor, as wo took a short cut over a windfall to avoid three ‘‘agents’ waiting at a bend in the rond with bated breath, “every one of us will simply take on a new form after death. There is a man right here among us who wiil probably be changed into a fat woman or an ossilied man, and you will see him exhibited at a dime museum!” I knew he meant me, koew it. He was looking right at me as hesaid it. 1 didn’t believe it at first, but as time went on the idea be- camo stronger and stronger, and for the last sevonteen years 1 have felt that I hud that fate in store for me. I have dream . that I was a fat woman adver tised as w 50 pounds, and I have an ossified man, with the public feeling of my toes ana fingers and asking me for a leg or an arm as 1 relic to label and lay away in a purior cabinet. Many a morning 1 have awoke under the impression that 1 was ten minutes late for the first after- noon exhibition, and many an evening 1 have started up from my chair with a feeling that I had been fined #5 by the manager for absenting myself from the platform before the show was over. However, I am relieved at last. T have taken more real comfort in the last week than for o dozen yeavs before. I went over into the Bowery in New York, sev- eral days ago, with a determination to know the worst and preparve for it, and tho result was a gratifying surprise. 1 found the champion fat woman on a museum platform. She looked exactly as [ had dreamed thav I would look. Thuse 750 pounds of fat were draped around her in the most artistic manner, and a stranger from Troy was asking her how she managed to climb the trees in harvest apple timo. For five minutes I felt that I had died and been transmi- grated. Then the Troy mun went wan dering around to see if e could find a Troy lnundry among the curios, and 1 stepped forward and told the fat woman the whole story from beginning to end. “Don’t yur believe it!” she emphati- cally replied when I had finished. “If such a thing were possible, how 1s it, with 80 many hundreds dying around us every day, that there are only six of us champion fat women now in the busi ness” If there was anything in the the- ory there’d be 10,000 of us looking for engagements and salaries would go down until & fat woman couldn’t earn her salt. I thanked her from the hottom of my heart, and she kindly continued: 3ut even if it were possible, give you my word of honor it isn't you wouldn’t be so badly off. There's lots of things worse than being a fat womanat a thumping big salary. You are the star attraction. The Zulu and the anaconda and the ossified man ave not in it. Ifa bit giddy you can always have a flirtation on hand; if past the giddy age you have lots of time to do plain sewing and visit with the giantess, Don’t be upset, sir. While you can’t possibly be trans- migrated into a fat woman, requiring a wholo car to herself when she travels, and who has appeared before her majesty on three different oceasions, if it should so0 be, then don’t throw it over vour shoulder. You have got a good thing of it and will never have a regret,” i couldn’t tell her how happy I felt, but she had u sensitive nature and un- derstood, Then I went over and re- peated my story to the ossified man. He never once interrupted me, but when 1 had finished he quietly said: *You have been stulfed. While I take no stock in stuffed specimens, I agiee with the fat woman that it can never be. Ossilied men are born—not transmi graced. If every Tom, Dick and Harry in this country could be turned into an ossified man the diwme museums would Everybody fown Bebee, our secrotary, am | THE OMAHA DAILY B have to go and natural freaks would be used for hop poles. If you'll take the word of a man who has been a star at- teaction for thirty yoars, you need do no more worrying.” I tried to make him realize thankful I was, and he smiled an fied smilo and replied “That’s all right. I'm ¢lad you came to me about i1; you ought to hunt down that professor and kill him. 1 say it can’t be, but if by any possibility it should be, you will” be expected, us an ossified man, to stick for regular rates und kick against over four performances on Sunday, Make no engagement for 0ss than two weeks, and stipulate that ou are to be carried up and down stairs ' here there are no elevators, As an d d man, be content. There is money and no sawing wood. Maintain dignity with the Albino, have no flirtations with the tattooed girl, and should the fat woman attempt to be pat- ronizing, at once remind her that an os sified man was the beginning of the whole museum business, and that no show could run for 8 week without him, M. Quan. UNG PEOPLE. how 088« TALK OF REAL Boston Herald: A young miss who has been to the theater but two or three times nd then to see pieces in which there was no bailet, was taken tho other afternoon to a- performance where the ballet wus one of the principal features. She was accompanied by her father and elder sister. and when she camo home her mother asked her how she liked the performance, Her reply was well ro- ceived by the mother, but not so much appreciated by the father, ST liked it pretty well,” she said, “but I couldn’t see the people through the glasses, for pava was using them all the time. There was a lot of girls who didn’t have any clothes on but a little ruching wround their waists, and they kicked up awfully. Oh, you ought to have seen papa laugh, He is going to take me again, mamma, for he said he would. ™ Papa remained silent. B e Detroit Free Press: Two little glrls who wore playmates got into an ani- mated discussion over the advantages of their respective homes. Asa clincher one of them said: ““We get the mail threo times a day at our home.” 'Oh," said the other, *‘that’s notbing; it comes here two hours.” Whon the v was gone, the mother of the little hostess, who had overheard her, took her fo task “How couid you say the mail came every two hours, Nellie?” sho asked aid Miss Nellio promptly, grandpa come over here us often as that ?”’ And the small sophist looked at her mother t riumphantly. *y Washington Star: “You be president some day. “‘Yes, sir.” replied the energetic lad. “I know it.” ““What would you do if you were presi- dent of the United States 2 *Oh, I didn’t mean that kind. to be president of a brewery. v may I want Py San Francisco Wasp: A 8-year-old girl was hoard whispering to “herself, though quite inaudibly, at the table. “What were you saying, Narcissa?” her father asked, T was just saying: ‘If no one was taking care of me I should help myself to those preserves.” *x Good News: Little Nell—Mamma says th' preacher says benuty is a curse. What does that mean? Little brother —That means if mensand womens was all ugly there’d never be any more fightin’ and quarrelin’. **Why wouldn’t there?” ause nobody’d ever marry anybody,”” x * Tndianapolis Journal: the bible, Waldo?” “0, yes, almost overy day,” replied the little Boston boy. ‘“‘Scarcely a day pusees that in my reading [ do not find some reference 10 it which requires ver- ification,” “Do you read x Texas Siftings: *What can I do to induce you to go to bed now asked a Harlem mamma of her 5-year-old ho; *You cun let me sit up a little longer, was the youngshm"s‘ruply. e Teacher—What do you say before eat- ing. Bobby? —Nothin’, ma’am. —Well, what does your favhor y—Ho gonerally © got for supper? - SOME NOTED MEXN. ¢ Ex-President Cleveland had a brand mew birthday anniversary on the ISth inst. He was 55 years old on that day. President Harrison gots up his state pa- pors in @ legal and red-tape style, Just as if he was proparing briefs, John C. Clements of Georgia, nowly ap- pointed interstate commerce commissioner, is a Baptist deacon, a clerk of the Georgia Bap- tisv association and its Sunday school cou- vention, N C. Creede, who recently roamed the mountains of Colorado a poor and friendiess prospector, is said to have been offercd $1,000,000 by D. H. Moffait for nis inter. estin'the Amethyst mine. The offer wa refused. s Major General O, O. Howard lost his right arm at the battle of Fair Oaks. It was to him that Geveral Phil Kearney, who had lost bis left urm at Chapultepec, made tho famous remark: ‘‘Howard, you and I will have 1o buy our gloves in parinership.” Geueral Gourka, governor general of Rus- sian Poland, is a hale and vigorous soldier of 64 years, and ho is not goiug to resign his plice as bhas boen reported. ‘A he czar Knows his value too well. A bronze statue of the late John Plankin ton of Milwaukee, is to be set up in the lobby of the hotel in that city which bears his pame. K. H. Parkis the sculptor commis- sioned by the family to perform the task. Paderewski has been presemted by his Boston admirers with a beautiful wreath of laurel in silver. They were considorate enough not to insist that he should wear it as the Koman conquerors wore theirs. They did not want to disarrauge his hair, Among the witty definitions that bave been credited Lo eminent men the following by In- gersoll is particulerly neat: **A politician is @ wan who wants the people to do something for him: o statesman is & man who wants to do something for the people.’ (. P. A. Healy, the portrait pamnter, is I:insiuz bis time while in Chicago at & family otel, where he appears in the corridors clad in a loose-fitting suit of black and wearing steel-rimmed spectacles. Hs is said to be very genial and bLumorous in a guiet way, His face is slightiy florid and bis hair begins 10 sbow the frost of many winters, Ward MeAllister's only aaughter visiing vot long ago fn Philadelpbia, and at @ luncueon given in ber honor assumed airs of superiority which caused the other women preseut wingled amusement and rage, Dur- ing the luncheon she remarked in a supercil- ious tone to & bright girl on her right: “Ab, have you any one here who fills tho some. what” important place n_society that papa does ip New York?' “Ob, yes, several, swoetly roplied the girl addressed; “but they are all colored men.”" ays, “‘Is that ail you 3 was e Patronize Home Industry, and specify in your purchases Lhat you want Roods made in * Nebraska factories ‘aud pro- duced by Nebraska soil. All whiskies aud spirits of any kind manufactured by ller & Co. wnd the Willow Springs distillery are made in the state and (rom Nebraska graiu. consuming 5,000 bushels por duy. l[nmist upon your dealer furaishiog home made #0093 they are equal to the bast and cost uo more. Assist home inaustries. INDAY, MARCH TELECRAPH AND-TELEPHONE Foroeful Reasons Why?r'l’hey Should be Under Government Control, | LOWER RATES AND IMPROVED SERVICE. ow It Works In OthoriCountries—A Por- fectly Constitutional Egorcise of Power ~Trond of Experiment and Discove ery in Electrical Mat The question of government control of telegraph and telephone is treated by the Hon. Walter Clark, of the bench of North Carolina, in the March Arena. He takes it for granted that it isa perfectly constitutional thing for the postoftices to handle messagoes of this kind and dwells more upon the cheap ness and effectiveness of such an instis tution: Every eivilized country with the solo exception of ours, hus long since made the telegraph a part of its postal service, and in all it has worked satisfactoril The rates in Great Britain and Ireland ure, like postage, uniform for all di tances and are 1 cent per word. In ( many the rate is about the samo and in Austria less. In France and Belgium the rate is under 10 cents (half a frane) for ten words between any two points o department of the postoffice in any country pays botter than the telegraph. In most countries the telephone, too. has been added. 1t is very certain that the telegraph and telephone, as parts of our postal sorvice, would not only wonderfully improve the means of intercou but it is believed that a very cheap un form rate—probubly 5 cents n message— would pay a “handsome revenue to the government. In the presence of tho ex- orbitant rates to which we are accus- tomed this will seem hazardous; but re- flection will show that it isnot. Tele- graph wire costs less than $8 per mile; poles in our coantry are not expensive, the cost of evecting them light. The chemicals for use of the wi are i expensiv Where, then, is the cc Tho government ght to ra roads, slenmbonts ¢ routes, sends lotters across the continent at 2 conts and around the world for 5 cents. The “last postmaster-generul’s report states that while, owing to the cost of heavy packages and matter carried free, there is u deficiency in the postoflice, yet on the carringe of letters there is u net revenue annually; cof 000,000, Why, then, is it chimerical to say that messages sent by wire, at the cost of u few elieap chemicals and with no freight. to be d, would not pay a profit’ at 5 cents per message of ten words?. It may be noted that the telephone patent expires next March. Now is the time for congress to adopt it for the postofice and establish a telephone at every country postoftice, The ndvuntagos to the' rural population would be manifold. Rysicians could be summoned promptly forthe sick. Wit- nesses and others swmwmoned to court could be notitied what day or hour to attend, and be saved useiess hours hang- ing around the county, court house. A telephone message 10 the, nearest rail- y station weuld ascertain whethot ex- pected freight had come, and the farmer would be saved a needless trip of I wagon over bad roads. ews of proaching s could be promptly d tributed through the country disiricts, and many a valuable crop saved. These may seem homely purposes to dwellers in cities, but they will deprive country life of some of its drawbacks, and be a boon to a portion of our vopulation who claim that they bear their fult shure of the burdens of gov- ernment and receive less than their share of its benefits, [t comes, too, at a time when they are disposed to assert nd maintain their right to be better considered in a distribution of the ad- vantages of governmen 3 this service it might well be provided that for telephonic messages within tho county or fora distance less than fifty miles the churge would be only nts. A system similar to this now prevails in Austrin and some other countries. The pystmaster could very easily keep his accounts, either by the use of stamps or by a nickel-in-the-slot nttachment to the instrument. 1f the telephone is not now adopted by government, some gigantic corporation, some vast syndicate, will be sure to utilize it; and when hereafter government shall be forced to take it up for the public service, congress will be waived off, as trespassing upon private and vested rights, as is already the case with the telegraph. Telography Without Wires. The trend of experiment and discovery in electrical matters is today toward a solution of the problem of sending tele- graphic messages without wires, or in other words throngh the air, and even through substance: These discoveries have to do with electric waves or vibra- tions, and ex menters are hard at work to eonquer and make use of the new phenomena. In this country Nicoln Tesla, in Bngland, Lodge, and in Ger- many the scientist Hortz, have all been exporimenting. From a recent news- paper report it appears that Tesla has been able to demonstrate the power and action of these waves, and he recently brought the matter before the members of the American Institute of Engineers, He made use of a dy#fimo which pro- duced waves of immense rapidity and high power. “The eyrrent from the dynamo was led to two metal plutes, so placed thut one was on either side of the lecture room wallé and they were y opposite each other. When the ent was turned on, 4} was discovered that the electric waves generated by the dynamo were carrlgd or propagated through the air of the room from one plate to the other, and s#ithout any com- municating medium visible to the eye, such as a wire, Extsudrdinary results were vroduced, which fascinated the spectators, They wure §ltnessing some- thing new, startlingy perhaps almost appalling in its suggesive possibilities, When Mr. Tesla held.dn his hand the carbon filaments of aw,electric lamp so that a line drawn from one of the plates to the other would pass through the lamp, very brilliant incandescence was produced. No metallic sub- stance whatever connected the lamp with the plates. When he withdrew the lamp, o that it was no longer within range between the two plates, the light was extinguished in- stantly.” From this experiment all sorts of possibilities have been predict- ed, and a new era predieted for the com- mercial use of the valuable discovery. What has been done abroad in the same tield may be gathered from the February uumber of the Fortnightly Review: **Rays of light will not pierce through a wall, nor,as we know only to well, through a London fog. I3ui the elec- trical vibeations of a yard ormore in | wave-length of which® I have spoken 1892—SIXTEEN PAGES will easily pierce such mediums, which to them will be transparent. Hore,then, is rovealed the bewildering possibility of telography without wires, posts, ca- bles, or any of our costly appliances Granted a fow rensonablo postulates, the whole thing comes well within the realms of possible fulfillment. At the prosent time experimentalists are able to generate electrical waves of any de- sited wave-length froma fow feet up- d, and to keep upa succession of such waves radiating into space in all directions. It is possible, too, with some of these rays, if not with all, to re- feact them through suitably shaped bodies acting ns lenses, and so_direct a sheaf of rays in any given direction; enormous len ped masses of pitch and similar bodies have been used for this purpose. Also, an experimentalist at a distance can roceive some, if notall, of these rays on a pro ¢ constructed instrument, and, by concerted signals, messages in the Morse code can thus pass from one operator to nother. What, therefore, romains to be discov- ered ' is: Iirst, simplor and more certain means of erating eloc: trical rays of any desired wave- length, from the shortest, say of a fow feet in longth, which will easily pass through buildings and fogs, to those long waves whose longths are mensurod by tons, hundreds, and thou- sands of miles: sccondly, more delicate receivers which will respond to wave lengths between certain defined limits and be silent to all others; thirdly,means of darting the sheaf of rays in any de- sired direction, whether by lenses or re- flectors, by the help of which the tiveness of the veceiver (apparentl most difficult of the problems to bo solved) would not need to be so delicate as when the ray simply r into space in all directions, and away according to the law of inv square e TALK ABOUT WOMEN, The first woman ever placod on the school board of Buffalo is Mrs, Lily Lord ‘Tift, who was recently appointed. Mrs. Cleveland is said to livo in apprehen- ston that hor little daughter will be kidnaped by some ruthloss viliain 1t is altogether a mistake to supposs that a girl cannot use her oyes to fiirt with just be- causo she has to wear cye-glasses. ‘The only way to win in an argument with a woman is 1o walk off when you have stated your side of it. Porhaps there was an inspiration in Miss Broughton's selection of tho Quaker Cit the place for her Home of est for Horses but at any rato the scheme has proved practi cal and successful. Soveral women have been pormitted to practice dentistry in Denmark after having passed the regular examinations, Miss Mclivoy has been appointed cashier of a New York hotel. Doubtless she will soon be ablo to wear as big diamonds as the rest of themw. The women of Poland will wear mourning during 1802 to commemorate the contenary of the loss of Poland’s nauonal independance. Janauschek, tho actress, has the newest thing in pets, She has adopted a vair of guinca pigs and has carried them about with ler during this ebtire season. The empress of Germany 1s in the habit of writing for a few minutes daily in her diary. Nobody ever secs the contents of the diary - not even the emperor. At the close of the year a new diary is opened, and the old one, which has a locked clasp, is consigned to the iron safe coutaining ber majesty’s domestic Jjewalry. Apart from her intenso piety and great en orgy, Mrs. Spurgeon is a woman of some ac. complishments. Sho has something of the poot’s faculty, aud although very rarely reading any work of fiction, has told her friends innumerablo little anecdotes indicat iug the brightness of ner imagination Pati is going to biossom out as an au tragedienne. She has just told young Salvini that she iutends to play Santuzza in “Cav- alleria Rusticana” at her castlo next sum- mer, and beforo a few chosen fricuds. Sai vini promptly offered to play Turridu to her Santuzza, and the offer was as promptly ac- cepted. atour >ottor Palmer has askod permission erman government to huve the grand doors of tho Strasburg_cathearal re produced for the woman's building of tho ex- position, because theso doors wero designed and wrought by o woman, Sabina Steinboch, who was the sister, assistant and adviser of the architect. Mrs. Gabrielle Greeloy Clondeuin 1s a wo- man of medium height; sho has _dark brown hair, eve which it is hard to tell just what color thicy are, for at times they seem hazel, und at othier moments black as jet, then in o tender mood they look a melting brown, Tho mouth is fira and sweet, and tho poise of the head and neck that in which au artist would delight. Rosa Bonheur has just completed a paint ing for which she has rofused £3),000, The impress Eugenio was one of the flrst to v oznizo the merits of the talented woman pamter, aud it was by "tho empress's wish nat sho received the docoration she prizcs s0 highly. Not long ago a Chicago wife induced her lusband to promise Lo give her all the silyer coins he recoived bearingap odd date. Then she wrote a number of friends with whom her husband does business, and asked them to pay over 1o her husband as many such coins as they could. They did so, and he was s00n surprised beyond measuro’ 1o find that a remarkably largo number of his bills there- after wero paid in small comn, which bis wifo promptlv conflscated undor his own proposi- tion. He woutd have been bankrupted very speedily had ho not smelt a rat” and promptly struck his colors by cfivcting a compromise, Mme. Patti somewhat surprised her mana- goron her recent trip from Louisville to Pittsburg, whon sho had u spocial train, by asking to bave tho specd slackened, or rather the train stoppea. At that particular moment it was makiug romarkablo time Her roquest baving veen complied with, she stepped off the cars and’exercised her pet skye for fifteen minutes, and then allowed the journey to be resumed. WEW-BRICK FACTORY ISOTT. X EOFT. i Tnvestments iv our Treasury Stock will pay 25 per cent.and upward per aniuni. Money o be used 1o extend business. Best bank references, SPENCER BAKING POWDER CO. CHICAGO. Baby's che ek islike a peach, 1s it Madame Rupy ch? No! but baby's mama's.cheek Volumes to its praise doth speak! Call for Mmo. Kupperts book, “How to ba Beaut! tal” of Mrs. J. Benson. 210 %, 13th St., Omaba, Neb. CONSUMPTION. T hiave positive remedy {or tha above disease; by it uso thousands of cases of the worst kind and of long standing have been curod, Tndeed so strong is my faith in its effioacy, that I will sond TWO LOTTLES PLEE, with & VALUABLE TREATISE on this disease to any suf- foror who will send wo their Expross and I, O. addros, T. A. Slocuw, M. C., 183 Poarl St., N, Y. FOR MEN Sirengthes WEAK, LS DEVELOPKD Absoiutely cnfaliing WO I PER--CEN INTEREST PAIDONOEPUSITS a7 OMAHALOANSTRUSTCO SAVINGS - BANK SECOR. 167 &DOUGLAS ST S, CAPITAL % 100.000.00 DIRECTORS 'AUWYMAN - E.W.NASH WHMILLARD GUY-CHARTON- G.8. L AKE. | ~THOS-L.KIMBALL . 1 am aTrav'ling man! In spite of all tem Plitell you of my nptation 1 pursue my old vocation, I'm stilla Trav'ling man1 A jolly Fairbank man!{ CHOR For he himself ha And it's greatly t That he is a Trav'ling man ! Sold by Traveling men and Grocers N. K. FAIRBANK & CO., Chicago, lil. 1s said it, 0 his credit, That heis a Fairbank m. Everywhere. Manufactured only by & The UNPRECEDENTED SUCCESS Vthat the Behr Bros. & Co's. Have attained, and the high praise they h: NOWNED ARTISTS, from the press MON ATTRIBUTES. and from a public long prei lder makes, it is safe to assume that the instrament must be p ave elicited from the world’s MOST R ndiced in favor of essel of UN COM MAX MEYER & BRO. CO,, Sole Agents, Omaha, Nebraska, Established 1866. DrDOWNS 1816 Douglas Street, Omaha, Neb. The ominent speclalist in eatarrh, spermatorrboon, 10st manhood, seminal W, orrlive! visit me miny bo t euroly packed, no marks to indicate contonts O sen froa. Correspongence strictly private. Book (Myote: Sundays 10 a. w. 1 13 m. Send stamp 10 Tepiye norvous, chronic, priva regiatered graduaio in mayoine. na dipiomas and cortiticate no: kin and unnnary disoases. A rogular and il troating with tho graatost auccoss Ll potene t 10r 1083 0 S1tal powe or instruments sent by o personal futorview preferre of Lifo) sent fros. OMoo hours ¥a. .o p. Palace Otfice Bullding OF OMAHA. ABSOLUTELY FIRE PROOF. NOT A DARK OFFICE IN THE BUIL DING 68 VAULTS, 1K Bee BILING INCANDESCENT {ELECTRIC LIGHTS PERFECT VENTILATION NIGHT AND DAY ELEVATOR SERVICE. DIRECTORY OF OCCUPANTS: GROUND LAWN CEMETERY A JOIATION ;flfi OF THE PRATT & FERRIS CA’ GAYLORD. Real Estate. NUTTOLLEIC e FIRST THE OMAIA BEE COUN NG ROOM, Ad- vertising and Subscription Departments, AMERICAN WAT WORKS COMPANY. SECOND nt for UnitedStatesMutual ce Compuny. S ROSEWATER. PROVIDENT SAVINGS LIFE, of New York. MASSACHUSETTS MUTUAL LIFE INSUR- ANCE COMPANY. OMAHA FIRE INSURANCE INSPF BUREA U, . HARTMAN, Inspeetor. H.A.WAGNER.A Aceident lnsu DR, CHARL 10N | | DIt B 1 F LOOR: oY TRE OMAHA R VFS & CO. N UNION 'RAL LOAN A TENI FLOOR. THE cl Contractors. "1l OFFIOR LIFE ASSURANOE BO- ORK. f 'E ASSOCIAT RICAN MORTUGAC COMPANY BEL BUREAL ANGLO-AM OF CLAIMS. WIRNIY, Nose and Throat, BIT CATARRHAL POWDER CO. GRANT CULLIMORE, Oculist and Aurist THIRD JOHN GRANT, Contractor for Street and Side- walk P ents ROBERT W. PATRICK, Law Offices. EQUITY COL NO, 1, EQUITY COURT NO. 2, LAW COURT N0, 4, J. M CHAMBELRS, Abstracts WAL SIMERAL, Loaus, Real Estate apd Insurance, FLOOR. MANHATTAN PANY. M. K TRAUERMAN, Attorney. DIt OSCAR 8. 101 UNITED STATES of New York, B W, SIMERAL, S 1 PATTEN, Dentlst LI INSURANCE COM~ ' INSURANCE CO, FOURTH FLOOR. NORTHWE ANCE STEKN MUTUAL LIF OMPANY TICUT MUTUAL JOMPANY UAL LIFE INSUR- L INSUR- PENN MU PANY. HARTFORD LIFE AND ANNUITY INSUR- ANCE COMPANY, WEBSTER & HOWARD, Insur; INEURANOE COM- WESTERD ANDREW ROS J. L BLACK, Civil Engincer, tary Engineer. | F. M. ELLIS, Architect. THE PATRICK LAND COMPANY, Owners of Dundee Placd JOHUN LETHEM, Publisher. OMATIA COAL EXCHA L1 EKENBERG, Fresco Painter. ALEX MOORE. lte1) Estats und Loans, THE MERCHANTS RETAIL COMMERCIAL [t ' +ARDETON LAND CO. . MEDAY. CLINAX ALK FIFTH FLOOR. HEAD QUA MENT Ol DEPAL ADJUTAD INSPECTOR JUDGE ADV( CHIEN QUARTERMASTE | CHIEF COMMISSARY OF SUBSISTENCE | MEDICAL DIRECTOR, RS, U. 8. ARMY, DI I'HE PLATTE, 38 Ofices. IENT COMMANDER. GENERAL, NERAL PAL SIXTH H. HARTMAN,Cast Iron Gas and Water Plpe. C. LAMBERT SMITH, C. F. BEINDORFF, Architect. REED PKINTING CO. U, 8. ARMY PRINTING OF K MANUFACTURERS AND CONSUMERS AS- BOOIATION, CHIEE PAYMASTER, PAYMASTER. ASSISTANT QUARTERMASTER. INSPECTOK SMALL ARMS PRAOTICR | CHIEF O1F ORDNANCE, ENGINEER OFF10ELR ATDES-DE-CAMP, ASSIETANT 5URGEON, FLOOIR, J'\\'. 3 LOAN & MENT DEALER Lo ans. LOAN AND TRUST ( L ROOMS OF THE typing and Malli €0, Teal Estate INVESTMENT SEVENTH FLOOR. THE ROYAL ARCANUM PARLORS, A few more elegant office rooms may be had by applying ot R. W, Baker, Superintendent, ofl on counting room floor