Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, March 6, 1892, Page 10

THR CRADLE OF LIBERTY. BY MARK TWAIN, \Copyrighted 1892 by the Author.] Itis a good many years since I was in Switzerland [ast. In that remote time thero was only one ladder railway in the country. That state of things is all changed. Thero fsn'ta mountain in Switzorland now that hasn't a ladder railroad or two up 1ts back like suspondors: indoed, some of thewm aro latviced with them, and two yoears hence ull of them will ba. In that day the peasant of the high altitudes will have to carry a lantern whon ho goes visiting in the night to keep from stumbling over raliroads that have been built since his last round. And also in that day, it there shall romain a high-aititude poasant whose potato patch hasn't a railroad through 1t, it will mage him a&s conspicuous as William Tell. Howoever, there ara ronly two best ways to travel through Switzorlana; tho first best is afloat, the second bost s by open two-horse carriage, One can come from Lucerne to Interlaken over the Brunig by ladder-rail- road in an hour orso now, but you can glide smoothly through in a carriage in ten, and have two hours for luacheon at noon. For luncheon, not for rest. There is no fatigue connected with the trip. One arrives fresh in spirit ana in person in the eyening—no fret in his heart, no grime on his face, no grit 1n his hair, not & cinder in his eye. This 18 the right condition of mind and body, the right and due preparation for the solemn event which closes the day—stepping with metaphiorically uncovered head into the presence of the most impressive mountain mass that the globe can show—1he Jungfrau. The stranger's first feeling, when suddenly confronted by that towering and awful appa- rition wrapped in its shroud of snow, is breath-taking astonishment. It is as il heav- on’s gatos had swung open and exposed the throne, Tt is poncoful here and pleasant at Inter- laken. Nothing going on—at least nothing but brilliant life-giving sunshine. Ihere are floods and floods of that. Ove may properly speak of it as ‘‘golng on,” for it is full of the suggestion of activity; thelight pours down with energy, with visible enthusinsm. ‘Lhis is & good atmosphere to be in, morally as well as physically. After trying the politi- cal Atmosphere of the neighboring monarch- fes, it is healing and refreshing to breathe an air that has known no taint of slavery for 600 years, and tocome among a people whose political history is great ana fine, superia- tively great and fine, and worthy to be taught in all schools and studied by all races and peoples. Kor the struggle here though- out the venturies has not been in the interest of any private family, or any church, but in tho {nterest of the whole body of the nation, and for shelter and protection of all forms of beliof. This fact is colossal. If one would realize how colossal it is, and of what digni- ty and majesty, let him contrast it with the purposes and nbjects of the crusades, the siege of Troy, the wars of the Roses, and other historic comedies of that sort and size. Last week [ was boating around the lake of the Four Cantons, and I saw Ruli and Altorf, Ruli is a remote litule patch of a meadow, but I o not know how any piece of ground conla he holier or better worth crossing .oceans and continents to see, since it was there that the great trinity of Switzerland joined hands six centuries ago, and swore the oath which set their enslaved and insulted country forever free. Aund Altorf isalso honorable ground and worshipful, sinceit was there that William, surnamed 'L'ell, (which, interpreted, means ‘“the foolish talkor,” that is to say tho too daring talker), rofused to bow to (iessler’s hat. Of late yoars the prying student of history has been delighting himself beyond measure over a wonderful find which he has made—to wit, that Tell did not shoot the apple from his son’s head, ‘o hear the students jubilate one would suppose that the question of whether Tell shot the appleor didn’t was an important matter, whereas it ranks in im- portance exactly with the question of whother Washington chopped down the cherry treeor didn’t. The deeds of Wush- 1ngton the patriot are the essential thing, the cherry tree incident is of no consequence. To prove that Tell did shoot the apple from his son’s head would merely prove that he had better nerve than most men, and was as skillful with a bow as a million others who preceded and followed bim, but not a whit more so. But Tell was more and better than a mere marksman, more and better than a mere cool head, he was 8 type: he stands for Swiss patriotism: in his person was represonted whole people; his spirit was their spirit—the spirit which would bow to none but God—the spirit whicb said this in words and confirmed 1t with deeds, There have always been Tells in Bwitzerland, people who would not bow. Tnere was a sufficiency of them at Ruli, there were plenty of them at Merten, plenty at Granson, there are plenty today. And tho first of them all—the very first, earliest banner-bearer of human freedom in this world—was not a man, but a woman, Stanf- facher’s wife. There she looms, dim and great, through the halo of the centuries, de- livering nto her husoband’s charmed ear that gospel of revolt that was to bear fruit in the conspiraoy of Ruli and the birth ot the first froe government that the world had ever seen. Thursday, Sept. 10—From this Victoria hotel one looks straignt across & flat of triffing width to a lofty mountain barrier, which has a gatoway in it shapea like an inverted pyramid, Beyond this gateway arises the vast bulk of tte Jungfrau, a spot- loss mass of gleaming snow, into the sky. The gateway in the dark-colored barrier makes u strong frame for the great picture, ‘The somber snow and the glowing smow- 1l are startlingly contrasted. It is this rame which concentrates and emphasizes the glory of the Jungfrau and makes it the most enguging and beguiling and fascinating spectaclo that exists in the earth. There are many mountains of snow that are as lofty as the Jungfreu and as nobly proportioned, but they lack the frame; they stand 4t large: they aro intruded upon and eclbowed by neighboring domes and summits, and their grandeur s diminished and fails of effect. It is @ good name. Jungfrau—Virgin, Noth- 10g could be whiter, nothing could be purer, notbing could be saintlier of aspect. AL 6 {u:unlnv evening the greater intervening arrier, seen through a faint bluish haze, scemed made of wr, and substanceless, 80 soft and rich it was, so shimmering where the wandering hights touched 1t, and so dim where the shadows lay. Apparently it was dreaw stuff, & work of the imagination, nothing real avout it. The tint was green, slightly varying shades of it, but munly very dark. The sun was dowl—as far as that barricr was concerned, but not for the Jungfrau, towering 10to the heavens beyond the gateway. She was a soaring couflagra- tion of blinding white light, The First Walking Delegate. It is said that Fridolin (the holy Fridolin), a salnt now, but formerly a missionary, gave the mountain 1ts gracious name, He was un Irishman, son of an Irish king, of whom there were 80,000 r:‘l)gnlun in Cork county alone in his time, 1,500 years ago. It got so that they could not make a living, there was 80 much competition and wages got cut so. Some of them were out of work months at a time, with wife and little children to feed, and not a crust in the place. At last a par- ticularly severe winter fell upon the country, and hundreds of them were reduced to men- dicancy, and wers Lo be scen day after day in tne Ditterest weather, standing barefoot in the snow, holding out their crowns for alms. Tndeed, they would have been obliged tv emi. f; te or starve, but for a fortunate idea of nee Fridolin's, who started a labor union, the first one in history, and got the great bulk of them to join it. He thys won tbe general gratitude, and they wanted o make him emperor—emperor over them all--em- lmor of Cork county, but he siid no, walk- D, flnl.gl\l was good enough for him, For behola, be was modest boyond his years, and keen as @ wnip. To this’ aay, in " Germany and Bwitzerland, woere Saint Fridolin is deeply revered and honored, the peasantry speak of him affectionately as the first walk- m; delegate. 'he tirst walk he took was into France and Germany, missiovarying—for missionarying ‘was a better thing in those days than it is in ours. All you-had to do was 0 cure the head savage's sick daughter by 8 ‘‘miracle’—a miracle like the miracle of Lourdes in our asy, for instanco—and immediately that head BAVAgE WAS YOUT CODVErt; he was your con- vert, and fllled to the eyes with & new cou- vert's enthusiasm. You eould sit down and make yourself easy, now. He would take an ax and convert the rest of the nation him- self. Cuarlemagne was that kiod of a walk- an te. ‘es, there were great missionaries in those 4ays, for the metbods Were sure aud the re- THE OMAHA DAILY BEE: SUNDAY MARCIH 6, 1892-SIXTEEN wards great. We have no suoh misstonaries | by a hearty and heslthy Gorman-Amorican now. and no such methods. But to continue the history of the first walking delogate, if you are interested. I am interested myself vocause I have seen his relics at Seckingen, and also the very spot where he worked his grontest miracle—ine one which won him his salntship in tho papal conrt a few centuries later. To have i seen these things makes me feel very near to him, almost like a momber of the family, in fact. While wandering about the continent he arrivea at tho spot on tho Rhine which 18 now occupled by Seckingen and proposed to settlo thera, but the people warned him off. | Ho appealed to the king of the Franks, who made him u present of tho wholo rogion, people and “all. He built a great cloister there for women, and proceeded to teach in it and accumulate more land. There wore two | wealthy brothers in the neighbornood, Urso and Landulph. Urso died, and Fridolin claimed his estates. Landulph asked for docaments and papers, F'ridolin had none to show. He said the bequest had been made to him by word of mouth. Landulph sugeested that he vroduce a witness, and smd it in & way which he thought was very witty, very sarcastic. This shows that he did not know he walking delegate. Fridolin was not dis- turbed. He said: “Apnoint your court, I will bring a wit- ness.” The court was created. [t consisted of fifteen counts and barons. A day was ap- pointed for the trial of the case. On that duy the judges took their seats in state, and proclamation was mado that the court was ready for business. Five minutes, ten miu- utes, fifteen minutes passed, and vet no Fridolin appeared. Laudulph arose and was in the act of claimng judgment by dofault when a strange clacking sound was heard coming up tho stairs; In another mo- ment Fridolin entored at the further door and came walking in a deep hush down the middle aisle with a tall skeleton stalking in bis rear. Amazemeat and terror sat upon every countenance, for everyboay suspected that that skeleton was Urso's. It stopped before whe chiet judge and raised its bony arm aloft and began to speak, while all the assemoly shuddared, for they could see the words leak out from between its ribs. It said: “Brother, why doth thou disturb my blessed rest and withhold by robbery the gift which 1 yave for the honor of God " It seems a strange thing and most irregu- 1ar, but the verdict was actually given agaiust Landulph on the testimony of this wandering rack heap of unidentified bones. In our day a skeleton would not be allowed to testify at all; for a skeloton has no moval responsi- bility, and its word could not rationally be trusted. Most skeletons are notto be be- lieved op oath, and this was probably one of them. However, the incident is valuable as preserving to us a curious sample of the quaint laws of ‘evidence of that remote time —a timo so romote, 50 far back toward the beginning of evolution out of original idiocy that the intellectual diffaronce between a bench of judges and a basget of vewetables was as yet so slight that we may say with all coufidence that it didn’t really exist. The Oldest Clock in the World, Sunday—During several afternoons I have been engaged in an iuteresting and maybe useful piece of work—that 1s to say, I have been trying to make the mighty Jungfrau earn her living—earn it 1n a most humble sphere, but on a prodigious scalo, on prodigious scale of necessity, for she couldn’t do anything 1 a small way with her size and style.” | have been Lrying to make her do service as a stupendous dial, and check off the hours as they glide across her pallid face up there against tho sky, and tell the timo of day to the povulations lying within fifty miles ot ber, and to the people in the moon if they have a good telescope there. Until late in the afternoon the Jungfrau's aspect is that of a spotless desert of snow sot upon 8dge against the sky. But by midafter- noon soma elevations, which rise out of the western border of 'the desert, and whose prosence you perhaps had not detected or sus- pected up to that time, begin to cast black shadows eastward across that gleaming sur- face. At first there is only one shadow; later there ara two, Toward 4 p.m. the otherday 1 was gazing and worshiping, as usual,when I chanced to notice that shadow No. 1 was beginning to take to itselt something .of the shape of a human profile. By 4 the back of the head was good, the military cap was pretty good, the nose was bold and strong, the upper lip sharp, but not pietty, and there was a great goatee that shot straight aggrossively forwurd from the chin. At 4:30 the nose had changed its shape con- siderably, and the aitered slaut of the sun had revealed and made conspicuous a huge buttress or barrier of naked rock, which was 0 located as to auswer very woll for a shoul- der or goat collar to this swarthy and indis- creet sweetheart who had stolen out there right before everybody to pillow his head on the virgin’s white breast and whisper soft sentimentalities to her to the sensuous music of crushing ice-domes and the boom and thuvder of the passing avalanche—music very familiar to his ear, for he has leard it every afternoon at this hour since the aay he first” came courting this chila of the earth, who lives in the sky: ana that day is far back—yes, for ho was at this pleasant sport before the middle ages drifted by him in the valley; before the Ro- mans marched past, and before the autigue and recordless barbariavs fished and hunted here and wondered who he might be, ana were probably afraid ‘of him, and before primeval man himself just emerged from his four-footed state, stepped out upon this plain, first ssmple of his racs, a thousand centuries ago, and casta glad eye up there, judging be had founa & brother human being and something to kill; aud before the big sauri- ans wallowed hero, still some wmons earlier, oh yes,a day so far back that only the eternal sun himself was present to see that first virit; a dayso far back that neither tradition nor history was born yet, aud a whole weary eternity must como and go beforo the rest- less little creature, of whose face this stu- pendous Shadow-Face was the prophecy, would arrive in the earth and begin his shab- by career and think ita big thing. Ob,indoed, yes; when you talik about your poor Roman and'Figyptian_day-bofore-yestorday antiqui- ties, you should choose & time when -the hoary Shadow-Face of the Jungfrau is not by. 1t antedates all antiguities known or imaginable; for it was here the world itself creatod the theater of future antiquities. And it is the only witness with a huinan face that was thore 1o xee the marvel, and re- mains Lo us 8 memorial of it. By 4:40 p.m, the nose of the shadow is per- foct and is beautiful. It is biack and power- fully marked agaiust the upright canvas of glowing snow and covers hundreds of acres of that resplendent surface, Meantime shadow No. 2 has been creeping out well to the rear of the faco—west of it— and at 5 o'clock has assumed o shape that has rather a poor and rude semblance of shoo. Menntime also the great Shedow-Face has been gradually changing for twenty minutes and now—D p.m.—18 become a quite fair por- trait of Roscos Conkling. The likeness is there and is unmistakable. The goatee is shortenod now and has an end; forierly it haan't any, but ran off eastward and arrived nowhere, By 0 p.m. the face has dissolved and gone and the goates bas become what looks like the shadow of a tower with a pointed roof, and the shoe has turned into what the printers call 8 “fist,” with a finger pointing. 1f 1 were now imprisoned on a mountain summit 100 miles northward of this point and was denled a timepiece I could got along well enough from 4 till 6 o'clock on clear days, for 1 could keep track of the ume by the ohanmng sha) of these mighty shadows on the Virgin's front, the most stupenaous dial I am acquainted with, the oldest clock in the world by a couple of ‘mil- lion years, 1 suppose 1 should not have noticed the forms of the shadows if I hadn't the habit of bunting for faces in the clouds and in moun- tain crags—a sort of amusement which is very entertainiug even when you don't find any, and brilliantly satisfying when you do. 1 have searched through several bushels of paotographs of the Jungfrau here, but found ouly one with the Face in ii, and in this case it was not strictly recognizable as a face, which was evidence thut the picture was taken before 4 in the afternoon, and also evi- dence that all the ;hownuhpeu bave per- sistently overlooked one of the most fascinat- ing features of the Jungfrau show. I say fasciuauing because if you once detect a human face produced vn a great pian by un- Consclous nature you never get tirea of watching it. At first you cav’t make an- otber person see it at all, but after he has made it out once he can’t see anything else afterwards. The King and the Kindly Stranger. The king of Greece is & man who goes around guietly euough when off duty. One day this summer he was traveliog in an or- dinary first-cluss compartment, just in tus olher suit, not the one which be works the realm in when he is at home, and so he was not looking like anybody in particulsr, but & ®ood deal like everybody iu geaeral. By'aud got in and opened up a frank and interested and sympathetic conversation with him and asked him a couple of thousand questions about himself which the king. answered ®ood nawuredly, butin a more or loss in- definite way s to private particulavs, “Whero do you live when you homo " “In Greece," “Greesol Well, now , thut 18 just aston- ishine. Born therot'” “Yeos, " are at Do you speak Greek1" “Yes." “Now, ain’'t that strange! T never ex- pected to live to see that. What is vour trade! 1 moean how do you get your living! What is your line of business?" **Well, I hardly know how to answer. I am only a kind of foroman, on & salary; and the business —well, it's a very general kind of business,' *Yes, I understand—general jobbing—lit- tle of everything--anything that there’s monev in." “That's about it, yes." ‘‘Are vou traveling for the house now!" “Weli, partly, not entirely. Of course I do a stroke of business 1f it falls in the way—" *Good ; T like that in you. That's me; every time. Goon,” “I was ouly going to say 1 am off on my vacation now." “‘Well, that's all right, no harm in that;a man works all the better for a little let-up now and then. Not that I've baen used to having 1v_myself, for Ihaven't. I reckon this is my first. 1 was born ia Germauy and when 1 was a couplo of weeks old shipped for America, and 1've beon thore aver &ince, and that's sixty-four years by tho.watch. I'm an American in prinsiple and German at heart, and it's the boss combiuation, Well, how do you get along as a rule--prowty fair?! “I've a ratter large family—' ‘“I'hore, that's it—big family and trying to raise them on a salary. Now, what did you go and do that for!” “Well, I thought—" “Of course you did. You were young ana confident, and thought you could branch out and make things go with a whirl, aud hero you are, you see! But never miud about that; I'm not trying to discouragé you. Dear me, I've been just where you are my- self. You've got good grit; there's good stuff in you, I can see that. You'got a-wrong start, that's tho whole trouble,.,But you bold your grip, and we’'ll see what can be done. Your case ain’t half as bad as it might be. You are going to come out all right— I'm bail for that. Boys and girls?” “My family! Yos, some of thew are boys— ‘*And the rest girls. It’s just as I expected. But that's all right, and it's better so, any- way. What are the boys doing—learning a trade?” *Well, no—I thought—" “I's & great mistake; it's tho biggost mis- take you ever made. You've seen that, in your own case. A man ought always to have a trade to fall back on. Now, I was a har- nessmaker at first. Did that. prevent me from becoming one of the biggest brewers in America? Oh, no. I always bad the har- ness trick to fall back on in rough woather. Now, if you had learned how to make harness —however, 1t's too late now; too late, and it's no good plan to cry over spilt milk, = But as to the boys, you see—what's to become of them if anything happens to you ' *It has been my idea to let the eldest one succeed mo—" . “(2h, come! Supposo the firm don’t want m I hadu’t thought of that, but—" “Now look here, you want to got right down to business and stop dreaming. You are capable of immense things—man, you can make a perfect success in life; all'you want is somebody to steady you and boost you along on the right road. Do you own any- ing in the business " o—not exactly; out if I continue to give satisfaction I supposo I can keop my—'" “Keep your place—yes. Well, don’t you depend on anything of the kind. Thoy’ll bounce you the minute vou yet a little old and worked out; they'll do it, sure. Can’t you manage somehow to get into the irm—that's the groat thing, you know.” ~ i ‘1:1 think 1t 1s douotful, in fact, very doubt- ul,” “Um-—that's bad—yes, and unfair, too. Do you suppose if I should go_there and have a talk with your people—look here-—do you think you could run a brewery?? ' 0 *1 have never tried, but T think T could do it afier L got alittle famuliarity with the busi- ness.” The German was silent for some time. He did a good deal of thinking, and the king waited with curiosity to ses what the result was golug to be. Finally the German said: “My mind’s madoup. You leave that crowd —vou'll never amount to anythiag there. .In theso old countries they never give a fellow asnow. Yes, you come.over to America —come to my place in Rochester; bring the family along. ~ You shall have a show 1n the busiuess and the foremanship besides. George —you said your nawe was GGeorge!—I'll make a man of you, 1 give you my word. You've never had a chance here, but that's all gotug to change—by eracious, I'll give you a lift that'll muke your hair curl " Manrg TwAIN. v SOME NOTED MEN, Mr. Georgo Peabody Wotmore, who as- pires to be the next United States senator from Rhode Island, is said to be worth from $15,000,000 to $20,000,000. It has recently been announced that thero are only three survivors of Dr. Kaue's expe- dition 1o the Arctio sea made forty years ago to rescuo Sir John Franklin's ill-fated com- pany. Each of the three men had for some timo past believed himself to be the sole sur- vivor. The Rev. T. E. Clough, the well known Baptist missionary who bas labored in India, and who is staying at Minneapolis at presont, is said to resemble Secretary Blaine greatly, and when in \Washington has been mistaken rapeatedly for the Maine statesman. Senator Dawes of Massachusetts will be 76 years old next October, and 'his present term of office will expire in March 1803, but there is a good deal of talk about re-electing him next winter, General Nelson A, Miles should, ip the reg- ular order of promotion, become the general commanding the United States army two years hence, In that casehe will be tho first man since General Wintield Scott not graduated from Wost Point tohold that place, Andrew G. Curtin, the celebrated war gov- ernor of Penusylvania, is now" &/ tman of 75 years of age, but retains all of his physical and mental vigor. He is.at present immersed in the task of preparing for the publishers his recollections of his busy and eéventiul po- litical life during the last forty yésts, Mr. Robert Bruce of New York; the ven- erable type founder, celebrated his 90th biyth. day last Saturday. Bruce mvepted a ma- chine for type casting that is used -in every type foundry throughout the worid, Ex-Attorney General Garland ia fo trans- fer his residenco back from Washington to Little Rock, He will continue- to be general solicitor of the Northoro Pacific railroad, but the place of his labors in public life no longar attracts bim. Mr. Ingalis no longer, it is said, {eels any Qosire to return 1o the life and strife of con- gress. He finds the lecture fleld more re- munerative than he had expected, he has abundant leisure to cultivate the muses, and he rejolces in the absence of official worries and the care of his constituents that almost overwhelmed him while in Washington, Bourke Cocran is one of the most notable, physicaily as well as intellectually of tho prominent Tammany leaders, Pasticular 18 he remarkable for the size of his hea which, though set on & pair of broad shou ders, 0 large as to attract immediate tention, p Compositors in the United States printing office in Washington have, often kicked against the rulings of & proofreader who is koown as “‘Dictionary” Brown, Sometimes they would point out to him that Websier's dictionary supported them. “Why, so it does,”” he would say, calmly, Then he {m:‘ulfl correct the dictionary with peu wnd nk. ‘The late C. A. White, the song writer, bad no theoretical knowledge of musio, and’ stu- diously uvoided going o the opera aud like performances lest his originality should be fwpaired. His song, *‘Put Mo In My Litue Bed,” was suggestee 1o bis mind one night s he was going home by seeiug a picture of the Prophet Samuel ia the window of a Bos- ton shap. Samuel was koeeling by a ved- side with bis hands clasped, in prayer, Mr. bite wrote the melody and the first verse in about ffteen minutes. When ho composed “Marguerite,’ he decided o attempt a love song, end thea thought out a story, With u?.'ln mind he picked up & violiv, tuned it, and the melody seemed Lo come of ilself without coaxing. TR AREONA KICKER AND OTH ER STORIES. ' BY “M. QUAD?”. Special attetilion is oallod to the fact that Tie Bee has exclpsive nse in its territory of M. Quad’s'’ ourvent writings. [Copyrighted 1892 by C. B. Lewis.) DoNT WANT ANY.—We soe by .the Tucson and Fémbstone papers thut the people of those towns ave getting roady to float a spring” boom., We don’t want anything of thé sort hore. We just want to see this town held level and let her take a natural gait. Booms make ficti- tious values and help only a few, while a slow and steady growth benefits every- body. We haven't done much bragging in the last year, but if there is any other town in the state which has opened nineteon new saloons, put up two school houses, started seven new poker clubs and planted seven bad, bad men in sandy soil, we should like to hear it called by name, Major Johnson, who owns eighteen acres of sand prairie, on which nothing but cactus and rattlesnakes will grow, is aching to start a boom and work his real estute off on eastern tenderfoots who want to go into figs and oranges. He thinks ho could get $25,000 in cash for what cost him a twenty-dollar mule. But the Kicker will sit right down on any boom he may set afloat. This town is doing well evough as itisanditis wise to let well enough alone. P, S.—Since the above was in type wo have been informed that the number of new saloons is ‘twenty-nine instead of nineteen—a gain of ten. We shouldn’t be surprised if it turned out the same way with the poker clubs. UNDER CONSIDERATION.—The editor of the Kicker (who is ourself) and the mayor of this town (who is also ourself) are in receipt of invitations to attend tho opening of the Pacific Poker rooms next week. As editor of the Kicker we shall accept the invitation, but as mayor we may have to decline it, We have the matter under consideration, and have written to the mayors of several other towns for advice. It doesn’t seem to us to be exactly the proper thing for the mayor of this town to attend the opening of a public gam- bling place. As editor of the Kicker he has no objecticn to goihg, but official dig- nity must be consiaered and maintained. Tt will be a sudilice for us not to attend, but we were eteoted to make sacrifices and shall not ¢oiplain. Our contemporary came out yesterday with the announcement that the mayor was loafing in thg Red Front saloon Sat- urday evening, to the detriment of his dignity. It is not true. As editor of the Kicker we went in for anip. As mayor, after the hip had been dispozed of, we took a lpuf, around tosee if the ordinance wag,being violated in any manner. = THE RETURY OFTHE POSTAGE STAMP. T —— . A long, lathy:eolored man: about thirty yearsof aga had takex a seat on the depot viatforta with - his back to'a cotton bale when & fat and stocky colored man came across the dusty street and stood before him and gazed upon him in undisguised contempt and disgust. This had continued for a min- ute when the one.on the platform queried: “Steve Bollister, who yo' lookin at in dat distinguished. way?”’ T’z looking at yo', sah." “What yo’ looking at me fur?” “Two weeks ago,” said the stocky man, as he flourished his right arm in thcair,‘ “yo’ slandered my character!” CHuM “I dunsent yo' a challenge, sah—a challenge to meet me!” “Hu!” **1 sent it frewde mail, an I disclosed an extra postage stomp fur yo’ to reply wid. Upto dis date, sah, I has per- ceived no reply. Now, sah, I wants to know what ¥o’ is gwine to do about it!” ‘“What I’ze gwine to do? I'il show yo’, sah! Doan’ you reckon yo’ kin bull- doze me, Steve Bollister!” He took from his hip pocket an old handkerchief, and from the folds of the handkerchief a piece of brown paper, and alter twominutes’ hunting he found a postage stamp and handed it out, with the remark: *If yo’ dun thought I hadn’t de manly honor to save and return dat stamp den yo’ didu’t know me, sah—didn’t know me!” “Sah!” replied the stocky man, as he examined the stamp and put it away, “Iaccept de apology an’am no longer mad *“If you hain’t mad,den I hain‘t mad,” rejoined the other, and presently they went across the svreet with their arms around each other to get a drink, A FREAKY COLONEL. About the ‘'middle of the afternoon I came to a crossroads and saw a white man fast asleep, with his back to a tree, while an ancient looking colored man wns lying on the, grass three or four yards away, and a horse was hitched to the fence. The negro saw me as | ap- pronched, and ggt, up and came out to tho rond iind respeelfully saluted me and said; - “Does boss?” rien “Yes. 1 wantto, know how far it is 1o Graysville,” *’Deed, sab, hpt I can’t tell yo 1 hain’t dun been yere a great while,” “Who is that?y,} asked, pointing to the white man. ( *Him’s Kurned:White, sah.” “*Are you his servant?’’ “Zactly, sahytzuotty,” ‘*Well, let’s wake the colonel up and seo if i can’t toll the. " “Did yo' jess WALt ter ask how fur it am to GraysvilleP"ho asked. s ull.” g W b Hokad :Doun” waat ¢ 4l polly icks? yo’ wantow ax any queshiuns, “Nor abou de wah?” “Doan’ wanter buy e kurnel’s land nor nuflin?” “No. Did he tell yon not to disturb He did, sab, an de kurnel’sa werry aky man, Does yo' want to wuke up to ax him to take a drink wid 01 I baven’t got a flask along.” “Den, sah, let me inform yo' dat de minnit I dun woke him up he'd yell the biggest yell yo' eber heard of. Den he’d whoop an holler an begin to shute wid his pistil, an afo’ we knowed it we'd boaf be deud and de hoss shot full o’ bul- lets, Sorry, sab, but 1 knows jess how he acts. Sowe kurnels wake up like lambs, but dis yere one nebber did sur- render arter de wah, au he’s all de ime PAG bolievin dnt de United Staits is arter | him wid & gunboat an_fo'teen eannon! A LIST OF M. QUAD'S LEGACIES, The other rainy day I climbed up into the garret and knocked the cover off a dry goods box to have a look at cortain securities which have lain dormant, as it were, for many years past. My pat- ents I shall lexve to my rela.dves: my securitios I propose to bequeath without reference to ties of blool. It is not usual to inform a person or society of the provisions of your will while you are still in good health and hoping to live another fifty years, but in this caso [ shall depart from the custom. Lot No. 1--This consists of $500,000 worth of tificates of stock in the High Jump silver mine of Nevada. I discov- ered the mine myself about twenty years ago, and was made president of the or- ganizntion. 'We oxpected the stock to jump to 200 in a month, and that’s why we callea the mine the High Jump. The stock {'\lm]mtl down to nothing, however, and the title should really be changed to the Low Jump. The pack- age of certiticates weighs nearly three vounds, and I bequeath it to the Stand- ard Oil company to enable that organiz- ation to acquire control of the remainder of the enrth, Lot No. 2—This consists of certificates ol stock of the face value of $1,000,000 in the Texas Land and Banking com- pany. Tt was not my schome, but I was lot {n on the ground floor by the origi- nator. The idea was to turn the Staked Pluins of Texas into a garden, and raiso all sovts of truck for the western market and to open & bank somewhere around there with a cush capital of a million or s0. I paid $250 to get the certificates L)rlntad. and was told to help myself. I ave often wondered why I didn’t also load my other mule with them. I once tried to put this stock up as collateral for a lonn of $15, but the banker pointed to the sign on his desk, *“This is my busy day,” and so I did not persist. Bankers nccasionally miss a good thing as well as other folks. I have bequeathed this stock to the city of Chicogo in trust, If she can unload it onto Boston capitalists I am sure she will do so. Lot No. 3—This consists of a scheme,a failure and'the bankruptey of threo emi- nent citizens. The scheme was to *‘salt” a silver mine in Montana and sell it to a St. Louis syndicate for $2,000,000. The “‘sulting’’ process took place as adver- tised, but the agent of the syndicato let #o of tha bait at a critical "period and left the mine on our hands. ~While we were in a state of suspense some China- men stole all we had put into the hole, and our orgunization had to live fo: the next week on a_pound of bacon. My share of the scheme is valued at about #200,000, though I have been ready to sacrifice something for cash. I shall leave it to Uncle Sam as a nucleus for the ostablishment of a zoological garden in Yellowstone park. I hope he will put it in a strong, safe cage and caution the keeper not to permit the public to poke it with canes or umbrellas, Lot No. 4—This consists of seven guuuds woight of shares in the Oregon anking, Trust, Mining and Improve- ment company. Iv took seven of us to originate the idea, and as I happened to be the only ono with $75 cash on hand I was made president, and spent $60 of my capital in getting the board of directovs out of juil. The iden was to establish seven banks—one for each one of us— and to trust and mine and improve wher- ever we could jump a_paying thing or strike a tenderfoot. Wo were not par- ticular about the shares. I could have had forty pounds as well as seven, but felt t0o fared to carry them around. A Philadelphia man once offered me $10 for the stock, intending to fail and turn it in as assets for his creditors, but be- fore 1 could get home he was sunstruck and died. I bequeath the bundle just as it is, securely tied up with sheop twine, to the person who brings out the first successful flying machine, Lot No. 5—This idea was worthy of the glorious west and was entirely’ my own. 1t wastocut a canal from San Francisco to Sult Lake and put on a line of boots to carry freight and passengers. The canal company was also to do min- ing, irrigating, ranching and fruit grow- ing, It wasto run a lottery, publish books, do a banking business, bore for oil, put out patent medicines and open summer resorts. I got the idea one night while lying under acactus 1n com- pany with two rattiesnukes. Having elected myself president, I found a young man from Buffalo who was willing toactas treasurer and promoter, and while his money lasted we slept under a regular tent and had regular bacon and flour to eat. No certificates of stock were ever issued. We opened a list of subscribers; got sixty-two men willing to take 81,000,000 each, and then the young man’s father was taken with whooping cough and he had to go home. As prosident of a company which was to be capitalized at $300,000,000 I had to stand on my dignity, and the scheme went to sleep, It hus by no means been abandoned, §nd is 4 good thing to keep in reserve. 1 have about decided to be- queath it to & young man in Providence whom I met in Boston a few weeks ago. If he wall veturn my traveling bag and overcoat I will forward him all maps, plans, estimates, etc., without waiting to die. From the slick way in which he robbed me I believe he can 2o out west and run a 8300,000,000 syndicate with one hand tied behind him, AN AMERICAN FABLE. An Eagle who had lived to a Ripe old Age, and who was 8o thoroughly Wed- ded to the Idea of Peace atany price that he had Lost most of his Tail Feath- ersin his efforts wo ca it out, was taunted und bluffed and grievously In- sulted by a Chicken hardly yet able to Sc ater for himself, To the great Anazement of the Chicken and all the other Powls looking on, the rle sud- denly picked up his Insuiter and Shook off most of his Feathers and Demanded a String of Apologics as long as from the smokehouse door to the corncrib. Knocked out by the Unexpected turn of Affairs, the Apologies were Iorthcom- ing, and while the Eagle settled down to smooth his Plumage and the Chicken went for the Bushes, the Turkey ele- vated his eyebrows and Remarked 1o the Crowd: l“’We]l, by gosh! but who'd a-thought it!” POSTSCRIPY, Apd that’s what all the rest of us are B M. QUAD. Wo send_tho marvelons French Remedy CALTHOS free, aud a logal : il ‘se 1t and pay 1/ satisfied. Address, VON MOHL CO. Bole Awmerican Ageats, Clucanall, Ublc. Baby's cheek is like a peach, 1s it Madame Ruppert's bloach? No! but baby's mama's check Volumes to its praise doth speak! Call for Mwe. Ruppert's book, “‘How 10 be Beaut!- s .. Cmabia, Nob, CONSUMPTION. Thiavo s positive runody for the sbove disease; by its uso thousands of cases of the worst kind snd of long standing have been eared, Tadoed so strong is wy faith in its elficsoy, that I will send TWO BOTTLLS FREE, with a VALUABLE TREATISE on thus discase Lo auy sal- forer who will send me thowr Kxpross and P, T. A Slocuw, M. C.y 183 Poarl 81, N ¥o | Dear Sir: and free from the Irving Tre and Nervous Debility, Specifics. 2 " RVING HOWHOPA Thats where theY MADE ONLY RY KFAIRBANK&CO. CHICAGO. — We will be pleased to mail to you, sceurely sealed all marks, a copy of our treatise on I catment of the Decline of Manhood Also sample of the Irving nclose stamp to cover postage. I Respectfully Yours, THIC INSTITUTE, 86 Fifth Avenue, NerM The UNPRECEDENTED SUCCESS that the Behr Bros. & Co’s. PIANOS Have attained, and the high praise they have elicited from the world’s MOST Ill‘i- D ARTISTS. from the press and from a public long prejudiced in favor of NOWN lder makes, it is safe to assume that the MON ATTRIBUTES. instrament must be possessel of UNCOM MAX MEYER & BRO. CO, Sole Agents, Omaha, Nebraska, Established 1866. CHICHESTER'S ENGLICH, RED CROSS ENNYROVAL * THE ORIGINAL AND CENUINE. Ladiea, aak Drogeist for Chicheter's 35 birces sesied with buue £ b v tehoard ardicatars, tetmos Trame Pupor. Palace Office Bullding Wou. Tt e no otder kind, Kefuse Loxes, lax wrappers, are d DIAMOND BRAND Piine The only Bafe, Aure, aad reliabie PLi for sale. Hngliah Diamond rand 1 Red ani Gold metillo tutions and Initations, Plelte. At Druggists, 7 i Letier, 1 OF OMAHA., ABSOLUTELY FIRE PROOF, NOT A DARK OFFICE IN THE BUILDING s | g DIRECTORY O NAUGLE OOMPANY, Telograph Poles, Cross Ties, Lumber. ef MUIR & GAYLORD, Reul E CITY COMPTROLLER. FIRST THE OMAHA I COUNTING ROOM, Ad- AMERICAN WATER WORKS COMPANY. SECOND THE PATRICK LAND COMPANY, Owners of Dundee Plac DR. CHARLES ROSEW/ TER. PROVIDE! MASSAC ANCE COM OMAHA FIRF N BUREAU, C. HARTMAN, luspecto; THIRD 4 J. M, CHAMBERS, Abstracts WAL SIMERAL. FOURTH NORTHWESTELZ MUTUAL LIFE INSUz- ANUE COMPANY CONNECTICUT MUTUAL ANCE COMPANY., NN MUTUAL LI PANY. HARTFORD LIKE AND ANNUITY ANCE COMPANY, MENT COMPA LIFE INSUR- INSURANCE COM- INSUR- WESTERN ANDREW BO: Y 1V 4 Jivll Ensloeer. SO Bugdneen FIFTH ARMY, DEPAR 43 Officos. R SUBSISTENCE SIXTH HARTMAN & COLLINS. Qast fron Gus and SOCIATION, (ELECTRIC LIGHTS {PERFECT VENTILATION NIGHT AND DAY ELEVATOR SERVICE. BUILIING F OCCUPANTS: GROUND FLOOR: CI'Y TREASURER. OMAHA REAL ESTATE AND TRUST CO. J.D AN Rotundu Cigar Stand, WOMEN'S EXCHANGE, FLOOR: | FRANO L. RF IVES & CO., Contractors, QUITABLE LIFE ASS Iy Ol WV YORI 2 ASSOC1 MORTG 4 TION. E & CLAIMS. 2Y., Nosgand Throut. CULLIMORE, Oculist und Aurlst, FLOOR. MANHATTAN | PANY. M. R TRAUE DE SUAR B UNITED ST of .\u-‘»\ York, COM- 20., , Arohitect. $UEs & COMPANY, Solleltors ot t for UnitedStatosMotugl t Insurance Company. ® MOORE, BOHN SASH AND DOOR 0O, CHANTS RETALL COMMERCIAL nd Loans, N LAND CO, FLOOR. OHIEF PAYMASTER, TOIK SMALL A OF ORDNANCE IR OFFICER. VE-CAMP, BURGEON, 5 PRAOCDICR ASSISTAN FLOOR, ITED STATES LOAN & INVESTMENY TED STAT NVESTMENT THE IMPLEMENT DEALER. L O NASI, Lo s, HAMILTON LOAN AND TRU. EUITORIAL ROONS OF TilE BEE, Compos. lug, Stereotypling and Malllng rooms. M. A CO., Leal Estate. i A DAWES, SEVENTH FLOOR. AHA PRESE CLUB 3 \ OF STATIONARY ENGINEERS. LINCOLN CLUR, BARBER SHOP. A few more elegant office rooms may be had by applying ot R. W. Baker, Superintendent, office on counting room floor INCANDESCENT N N N