Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, November 22, 1891, Page 10

10 THE ALLIANCE I CONGRESS. Tnterviews by “Uarp” with Senator Peffor and Representative Simp on JERRY'S VERSION OF THE SOCK STORY. Like a Singed Cat, He is Botter Than He Looks—Peffor When a Boy Worled for Six Cents a | ay —The Passing of Ingalls, [Copyright 191 by Fronk G. Carpenter.] WasniNatoy, Nov. 18.—|Special Corre spondence of Tie Bee.] ~Tho allianco cor vention in Indianapolis this wok is the pro 1ude to the alliance show at Washington du ing this congrossional session. The alliance congressmen will b the rarest birds in the whole congressional aviary. Every one of them has a docided individuality, and wild al and social ¢ respectivo brains like peas in Their number is too fleot logisiation but thoy will make a combination r bills. There mixea up with wisdom here ana 1dons of financ around in the 8 well aried bladder. small for to through combination, groat deal of noise succeed in passing somo of th is, however, a deal of their ¢ there s thero in the midst of their foolishaess, and the fact that they to a certain extent repre sent the farming elomentof the United States, makes thom an 1mportant featuro of a con- gress whoso chief business will bs to make capital for tho coming presidential campaign. Thero are from fifty to sevonty-five con- gressmen whose elections secured by the aid of the liance who are moro or less pledged to the lliance. There are from ten to twelve pure allianco men, whoare for the allianco and against either party, and who will not go into the caucuses of the democrats or ropublicans. This ele- mont will bo the leader of the alliance ele- mont of congress. It will act for itself, and 1ts hope will be to form the nucleus of an alli- ance party under & separate candidate during the next prosidential campaigu, The Alliance Orgs The alliance has an organ bere at Washing- ton, Its namo is The Economist, and it is editod and printed ina sha tumble-down old building within a stone's throw of the them sor ‘aziness, were vote and capitol. Tho building looks as though it might have been built in the days of George Wasnington. Itis nextto an engine house and it is dirty, rickety and gono to sved. You tramp over dirty carpets, along narrow stairs, through halls filled with dry goods boxos and documents, from one story to another, and at the top, about forty feot from the ground, ou fiud the editorial sanctum in which a half dozen men are writing away, mailing letters and carrying on the nterary buresu of this party. Jerry Sumpson, Senator Pefter or some other of the alliance congressmen may bo at nand dircetiug the work. The scono is a busy one, and you get the idea that these poopls, whothier they bo cranks or no, mean business and are working with a bopo to win. A Talk Wi.th Jerry Simpsc Ono of the leaders of the alliance party in the house will be Hon. Joromiah Simpson of Modicino Lodge, Kan. He is the man who is sajd to have made his campaign by vulling up his homespun pantaloons and showing that his bare, hairy calves were un- ornamented with so Ho hbas been de- scribed as a rough citizen, as a boor and a braggart, aud when 1 called upon him I ox- pected to meet o biz, burly, pothouse politi- cian, with some shrowdness, much rudeness and with all the marks of 'the professional demagogue. 1 Kuow the type, but Simpson is not of it. He looks moro like business man than likoa farmer, and acts more liko a common sense chant thau a fiuancial fanatic He 1s about five feet eight inches tall and stands straight in his soft shoes of French calf skin. He has a form slender, but well knit and wiry, and there is an air of hard iron strongth about him. His head is not a Inrgo one. iis ace is well browved and rough cuf, aud it shows the lines of thought and determination. Looking at it you would say that the man had had a fight to make in going through life, aud when his fuco is in repose there are deep, hard lines about the mouth and bis eyes have crow’s feet at the coruers. His forehead is not high but it is broad, and thoe hair which comes close down to 1t i8 08 Dluck us the wings of the crows which fiy by tho thousands aloug the Po- tomac, This vlack hairis well cut. It is about an inch loug, and it stands outin a bristly bluck brush all over Jerry head.” His nose is straight and of a size, and under it tuere is a short well trimmed moustacho of black, poppored with gray. W hatever his clothes may have been while on tho stump they are certainly good enough here. Ho worea suitof blue plaid whica well titted his ancular framo. His coat was a sack, and 1 noted that his linen had evi dently just come from tho Chinese laundry and his standing collar had a black ribbon neck tioabout 1t which Mr. Simpson ties himself. The spectacles which he wore had gold rims and there was nothing about his appearance to distinguish tim from the aver- ago well-to-do _congressman. During the talk I bappened to mention the subject of socks, and Mr. Simpson told me that thero wis no truth, whatever, in the statement that he had pulled up his pants on tho ros- trum aod showed his bare logs to the peoplo. Said he *1 nover made & speech without stockings on i my lifo and I never pulled up wy pants to show what sort of stockings I woré. Tae story wos seut out by an auti-aliiance nows- paper correspondent to s paper in my dis- trict, It was wade out of whole cloth, sud it was instigated, ! suppose, by the remar| that L mady concerning my opponent who was noted for his dressiog and his ex- ponsive and aristocratic airs. 1 called him ilk-Stocking Hal,' and may have said that farmers could not afford to wear stockings of that kind. You people don’t understaud the farmers of Kansas, ‘They are not boors by any meaus, They aro the pick of the east, The most enterprising of the young wen of the country went from New York, New England and Ohio and the other states to Kansas, and we have the best of this element country mer- fine m our party. These mon were the old abolitionists.” Thoy fought under John Brown aud we have nearly all of that cle- mont with us. The only farmers in Kansas with whom such an argument would be of welght might bo some of tho democratic farmors who came from the soutu to that state and who form the democratic party to- day. ‘They are from the poor white trash WHhO were sout to Kansas by the rich plantors 1 order that their votes might perpetuate slavery. They moved to Kansas for the ro- waras of politics and they are of the same character today s they wero tuen. The democrats of Kansas are buccaneors a8 far as politis aro concerned, They would join with any party that would give ‘them & tasw of the offices and during this fall's cloctious I see that they have to a large extent united with the republicans.” The Big Crops and the Alliance. “How will the big crops of this year affect the alliunce party, Mr.Simpson (' said 1. “Seu- ator Sherman told we a fow weeks go that tho alliance party was calamity party, Ho said it was made by tho hard tites and that tho big crops of this year would wipe it out. How Is tuat *John Sherman does not know tho farmers of the Usitod States,” roplied Mr. Simpson **He looks ubou thew as a st of blank fools and this is the view of your leading states- men. The alliance has a growth of fiftoen years. Lt was nover so strong as it is toduy and it is growing. Itis nota political party and it is moro liko a secrot society or a fra- teruity than a political party. Iis aims were to accomplist its ends by tho efforts of its in- giviousl members and it is the combinution of the farmers of the conutry for their own good. This is an age of combination. The railways, tho lusurance intorests, the bauk: ws and all the trades of the United States are now working in combination for the r speotive good of the classes to which they be- long. Agricultural conditions have chenged and the furmer finds that his class must com- bine in order to seoure its rights. You may be surprised at the size of the alliance. Wo have about 5,000,000 members and | judge we baye at least'2,000,000 voters. 1 bad & talk with the bead of tho colored alliance of the legislation rattle | save | United States tho other day. Hels a white man, but he tells me thers are 1,500,000 mem vers of the colored alliance, These' men aro in the south and they will vote with us. I have traveled over a large part of the south hin the past fow weeks, and I call tell you that the alliance is growing very largely there," Passing of Ingalls “I'he thing which knits the farmers of the north and south together was the defeat of Senator In Lection by tho alli continued Mr. Simpson. “Ho was ropresentative of the bloody snirt el - ont. Ho wanted to continue waving this garment in the face of the peoplo of tho next generation. Now the west and the south o, Thoir i ud in tho south naturally ought to work t terests aro largely tho same, About 70 per cent of the people are farmers. In Kansas, Nebraska and Miunesota about 60 per cent are farmers. It was only this agita- tion that kent us apart, and our defeating [n- galls mado the farmers of tho south reach out their hunds to us and we aro now tos ther."! “What wili the alliance do in the next con wress “I can’t say what wo will be able to do. Ten of us will, I think, stay out of “the cau 15es of the two b ie and we will do what we to further our interests, Wo will meet together and form a bill looking to tne bettering of the financial and agricultural condition of the country. Money should b s0 regulated that it will_not bring more than s cont at iuterest. When it brines more this it begins to up the increase of the wealth of the country., At present thero are in the United States about 000,000,000 worth of property thero are 12,000,000,000 worth ¢ y which pay an interest of 10 per cent. We pay over £3,200,000,000 worth of in terest every year, or nearly in interest for each man, womau and child i the country. ‘Ihese fignres speak for them- solves. Ihe farmers understand them and I believe that we are on the eve of parts revolution. Thera will undoubtedly bs a third party in the next presidential cam- paign, and I beliov will ehange in this country and the two gr parties will bo—one consisting of tho frienc of the great corporate interests of railroads, aod monopolics run by | apital and of capitalists, and the othe 1t ve made up of the frieuds of lavor, of the agriculturists and the poor The above is the gist of my talic with Jerry Simpson. I met him at his houso on First street, Northenst, within a stone's throw of tho capitol. He talks freely and has a good commaud of language, though his grammar is not us good at times as it might be. He says ‘done” for “dia” and now and then “seen’ for ‘'saw,” but his words drop clean- cut from his short, sharp tootb, and he pparently believes what ho says. Ho is not u man of education save in_the school of hard American life. e was born 1n New Brunswick just fifty years ago next month and a3 o boy moved to New York. Ho drifted to the great laies and for twenty three years worked upon the vessels there, starting in as a cabin_boy and coming out & captain. He sorved a short time in the urmy, and, about fiftcen years ago, left the lnkes and bought a farm wm Kansas. He p empted 160 acres and bought 610 more. Dur- ing my tallk with him I asked him as to whether Lo still owned tho farm and whether there was a morteage on it. He replied that his farm consisted of one square milo of land and that ho was sorry to say that it had a mortzage ou it. * enator Ingal in the far futurs parties At ¢ essor. Seuator Peffer, tho leading allinnce sen- ator, is keaping as close in tho tracks of M Ingalls as possiblo. He was conspicuous aur- ing the last hours of the closing session of cougress upon the floor in that he shook hands there w Senator Ingalls whilo the erowd looked down from the gallevies and wondered how Ingalis felt. Ho has chosen his apartments for the winter in the same block iu which Ingalls lived so long. and he can loock out of his front windows at thesenato wing of the cap- itol across the w: Ho is in uppearance, action and thought the direct opposite of In gulls. Ingalls was as straight as a Lake Su- perior onk. The back of bis head rested in a plumb line directly over his heels and his loan shoulders wero well thrown out and his whole manner was stiff. With bis bright red neck tioand his exqui ito clothing, which fitted him like a giove, te reminded you of Sir Pitt Crawl “Vanity Fair,’” of whom Thackeray s would rather ¢io thau sit down to dinner anything else than a white neck tie. 18 straight too, but his straightnes: a jointed snake held up by a string. looks as though if he dropped 1ato a seat he would go all to picces. His joints are loose while those of Ingalls are tight. Ingalls in action is ns quick as Pefler is slower than the wrath mighty. lngalls had & tongue which went by jerks and always jerked to kill. Peffer's words tiow from his lips iiko the waters of a sluggish canal, and though they are well chosen yon have to wade through a great quantity of them bofore you find fish worthy in Pefler that of He lightning. of the Al of catching. Every word of lugalls told. He was us full of iaeas a3 an exg is full of meat and he had a new word for every idea. Ho dealt in the pyrotechnics of specch and bo made the cotling of the senato fairly blaze with his cutting satires and his combi of comparatively unknown dictionary plotives. Defler’s lauguage 13 that of commou-place. Even in private conversatio ho talks more like a preachior of tho old school than likoe a sharp, shrewd, active mau which should be the typo of the United States sen ator. Ingalls was _companionable, appr and sociavle, but ho was au_aristoc prided himsolf on his ancestry and on his Now Eugland origin. He once compared Plymouth Rock to Calvary, and ho wealized, though he was not overvurdened with relig: iou, the virtues of tho Puriian fathers. 1 belleve it galled him that he was poor, and he would have mudo a right royal member ot the house of lords with a big rent-roll at his vack and with his seat 5o sccure that noth- ing could touch it. In such a condition In- galls would have been a prince voth in his entertainments and on the floor of parlia ment. As it was, with a big family and com- paratively small means, ne iad 10 cut him- self off to a large extent from society, for ho scorned to accept invitations which he could not repuy in kind. Thore is nothing of tho aristocrat about Peffer. He is a quet, hard wording, every-day man, ' not at all brilliant, and as far as can seo not a* all distinguished save t he is an alli- ance memoer of the United States senate, Ho has a thin, narrow face, blue oyes and thin hair, which is combed up from a low and vather narvow forehead, His faco is not a strong one, und I should imagine his chin must be small, though you cun seo nothing of it nor of his moutn for the great curly beard which reaches to ois waist and which forms o predominant and striking feature of his anatomy. This beard is fully twenty inches long. It contains about 2,000 hairs, and if theso could be plucked out and tied' end to end they would reach almost fromtne capitol to the white house, or if tied to the end of a stick the beard woulo make o suitablo whisk- brush for old Fathor Basset to dust off tl dosks of his brother senaters. 'This oeard rests ou Senator Pefter's abdomen when he sits down. It will take the place of a chest protector if he wears a dross suit, and I note that ho keops his vest unbuttoned almost to the waist and lots the beard’s beautiful silky browununess stand out the better against tho white backgrouud of his boiled shirt. achable at. He Senator Peffor's Boyhcod. 1 asked Scuator Peffer as to his career, and he toid mo some interesting stories of his boyhood. Said he “1 como of German parentage on both sides of tho house and my fawily 1s from Hesse Darmstadt. 1 was born on a farm and in Pennsylvania within sight of the capitol, Harrisbura. My father had a farm of about 50 acres, which was & very fair farm in that part of the country, and tho farmers wero in better condition at that time than they are now. Wo made nearly overything that we requirod ou the farm.~ Wo Wove oar own clothing and made nearly all of the article wo consumed. Wages were vory low. mewber the fiest money that I earned. was for threshing, We threshod our wheat by throwing tho sheaves on the barn floorand ciding borses around over it to tramp it out. 1 was a boy at tho time and hired out to do this riding. [ got 61 conts a day for it Some time after l'l.ll1 had my wages raised s0 that 1 got 10 cents a day, and finally, when 1 was about 17 years old, and could’ do a wan's work, I received 7 conts & day, and thought I was doing well, I got my eiuca tion at the country schools, and at 15 [ began to teach school, My wages were §10 4 month, aud I boarded myself and paid $4 a mouth for my board. Iu the meantime I had saved o little movey, and when 1 was still o very young mau | married and went to Missouri and got a farm thore, The pamic of 1N made times very hard, and I moved from Mis souri to Lilinois, and was thero at the time the war broke out. 1enlisted as u private sud became & lieutenuut, I studied law while HE OMAHA DAILY | portant, ]!E]C. wns In the army and after the war was over | settled in the south at Clarksville, Tenn, It was not pleasant for my family nor for myself | and I moved to Kansas and pro-empted a | farm. Now thero was nowspaper in the | town nnar which I livea which was not run | at all to suit the people. | went in to town one day ard bought the man out, though 1 bad not a dollar to pay for it, and then went around to the merchants and told them that [ was golng to run a clean paper and that they must support me. Thoy did support me, and I continned editing, practicing law and farm in until I went to Topeka to edit the Kansas | Farmer." senator Peffer's Great Schem The couversation hore turnod to politics arMho couversation horo turnod to polit sion, and Senator Peftar said I' huve always been n republican and I was really anxious to have Senator Iugalls roturned to the seuate, [ hoved he would | have taken such a stand as would enavie too peoplo's party to support him. I seat him | four questions which I asked him to answer fpr tho Kansas Farmier defining his position tlo promised to do so_in a speech in the sen ite, but ho never made the speech, and tho Farmer came out against him. As to the measures | will propose, tho chief ve a bill dirceting tie secretary of t ury to eo into the markets and buyat current atos from time (o time all the gold and silve bullion that is offered and to pay for this in treasury notes, ‘Then,taking this as the basis, 1 would have it ordered thut be issue $1 and 0 cents additional for cach dollar's worth of bullion bought. This would at once increse our circulating meaium at least §1,000,000,000 and would remedy to some extent'one of the great needs of the times, “But how would you get this meonoy ireulation, judgo!" T asiced “ADb," replied Judgo Peffer, “thr question. 1 have my own theor bring it forth in due time." Fiaxk G MUNICIPAL FXANCHISES. into t is the nd will CARPENTER. St. Paul Pione v Press . the country over, were able to take n fresh start tomorrow, with all their dostinies in their own hands, it is probablo that the granting of a franchise which veys rights upon, under or over tho public thoroughtares would never be heard of. Tho methiod of growth of our local centers of pop ulation has beon such that control of tuese rights could not always be kept in the public body. When a new community springs into existence with the snddenness of the birth of mauy of our western cities,it has a multitudo of wants that muast be satisfiod, while its peo- ple are already tuxed as much as they bear for the ordinary purposes of local gov ernment. Thesupplying of water, gas and nsit facilities requires a larger amount of capital than thoy can raise, and more than any sum forwhich their eredit can bo pledged with safoty. It always happens, therefore, that some or all of these privileges' pass into the Liands of private eorporations, who even, 1f they do not charge extortionate’ rates, us ly grow immensely rich from revenues that should go to the city treasury The universality of tnis experience has converted most people to tho belict that vory city should, if it bo possible, retaiu tha control of such franchises; and that, if it bas parted with them, it should recain possession of them at tho earlicst opportunity, even if it has to pay a good price for them. ' It isnow the exception rather than the rule for any American city to be dependent upou a pri vate corporation for its water supply. An abundant supply of pure water is so vitally ssary to 1if6 and health as weil as to siness that the public is properly unwilling to trust the matter to the sell-interest of any body of men not responsible to itself. And there are fow cities in which the wisdom of this policy bus been more abundantly dewon. strated than in St. Paul. U is not many years since the water company here was a private concern. It was not especialiy profit- avle to the holders of its stock. To keep the systom equal 10 the demands of a growing population required of them not only tho sacrifice of dividends, but an outlay of ad- ditional capital which, it was easy to see, must run into the millions, Un- ablo 10 map dut and vropare for a conprehensive system like this, tho company was in coustant conflict with a dissatisfied people and showed that its fa- cilities would shortly be inadequate for even @ decent compliance with public requive- ments. 1t was at this“juncture that it ma a proposition to transfer its franchise 1o the That propositior. was bitterly opposed in some quarters because it was contended that the plant to be disposed of was worth much loss thun was askad for 1t. The franchi regaiued was alone worth twice the purchase If our citic con- an money. Today St. Puul has a system of water supply that is the envy of other cities, its water rates aro extraordinarily low, and yet the receipts from them not only pay in- terest on all the bonds issued for tho nal purchase, but also on the millions hus cost to make the wal tho needs of the people. or that it system cqual to We conld today dis- pose of our water works plant and franchiso for twice or three times its entire cost and veople would 1ot consent to let it go it thoy were offered the awount of the city debt. T'he samo practice ought to have bean pur sued with tho gas franciise. ‘This is loss 1m- becauso gas is not as indispeusable as water, but the principle is just the same. All over the country citi e paying for gas a price absurdly out of provortion to cost of production, arc bound by & single monopoly wzed with propositions from rival con cerns which would involve the constant, toar- ing up of streets and ruining of pavements, simply because they have given uway their heritage too easily. - Water and as ought to be supplied to every city by its own agents, acting under its own authority, ana the pub: lic should havo the benetit of “every improv ment in processes and every lessening of cost. Even street railway franchiises should, in the opinion of many, b deued to any privite cor- poration; aud, if a city is unequal to the cuor- mous outlay which transportation facilities require,it should lease its privileges fora term of years to tho highest bidder, instead of making a deed of trapsfer which canunot be recatled and whose torms canuot_be alvered. Wherever it is possible, .he city of the future will cither rotain orro.sin possession of theso ranchises which convey rizht of user in any 1ape to its public highways, entire How the The paper Office Boy Saved the Editor had something he didn't says the Dotroit Freo Press, and ho was going to see the editor about it und thump the stufiing out of him, so he lik nid, At the foot of the stairs leading to the den he found a small boy, who blocked the way, “Is the editor in?” he faquired repli in 1 seo him &L s"pose so, sir. *Well, T want to, way? " Air you Mr. Johnson? inquirved the boy with evident personal intevest *Yes, m. HTue san the neck? “Yes, What's that to you?” *Nothing much, Mr. Johnson, but I'm your friend. ™ :d the boy politely. Do I go up this the paper give it toin “*No, you don’t suy?” said the visitor sarcastically surveying him. “Well lot me go on up stairs, won't yous” ert, Mr, Johnson, but before you go into the editor’s reom you look'in the corner by the door and geta dray pin sottin’ there. I put it where you: could getitensy, You sce the editdr is look- in’ for you and be's got a big hoos pistol in his drawer and u hatehet lnyin’on his desis, and when [ scen them prepara- | tions I jist thought it wis a shawe for | | | | the editor to go fer a man in his old paper and use a hatehet on him without givin’ him some sort of show, [ an't nobody but an oftice boy, but I know what justice is as well as if [ was | president of the United States. Go right up, but go easy. The dray pin is in the left-hund corner,” hesides And the man didn’t go up. - L Notice Unscrupulous dealers bave boen detectod | solling spurious Bitters under the name of India and Iuaian Bitters ofour “Ken- | nedy's st Indin Bitters,” We shall prosecute all such persons to the l.ml extent of the law, Our*East Indin” Bitte are never sold in bulk, Call for the which ere manufuctured and bottled only by oursalves and undor our trude mark label Tk & Co. Dr. Bee bld Birney ¢ | Just berol SUN [),AY 1\()\']&\”3]0 A RU[)ST OF RIB-TICKLERS. (eanings From the Boundless R suroes of the Morry Makers, GRIPS AND ' GAGS FRESH SALTED. The Keen Cleaver of Satire Outting Vor.ous Humor Foibles—The Long and Short ot It “Missourians have a local pride inthoir metropolis not loss than the [inoisans have in theirs,” said a drummer in the Dotro Fre Press, “I was out in that state not long ago and was caught over night on the road lark [ puiled up at a house on the lo and asked for shelter Who air yout' inquired a tall, angular woman, standing in the doorway with a roll- ing pin'in her hand. “*0m a travoling man.! “Where air you from? S, Louis, “Sho ‘Of course Tam: here's don’t think I'd lie to you ! “Ain't shore,’ stie said civilly; ‘vou said you was a traveling man, dian’t you?’ That's all right,’ 1 said with handing her the card, “She studied it for about hall a minute, then turning to a man_inside sho called out “Tie up the dog, Bill. He ain't from Chi- cago.’ " my card. You a grio, A Teiephone Story* Did you ever hear my telophone story 1" No, 1 guess not. Start on it, and U'll let you know.’ “Well, 1t's about Jones Aundrow Jones, th “Yes-—the one who is so profane.” *“Just so. Well, ho went to the telephone one day when he whs awfully mad, and called up o customer who owed him a'bill. The customer gave him sone impudence and th way Jonos talked to him was terrible. Some of “the bystanders in there trading wer afraid of o judgment on_him. His languag was simply dreadful. But you've heard it, haven'’t you “No, indeed.” “Well, if you'd been at the telephone you would."” And he succecded in dodging a mucilage bottle that was thrown at him us ho started for the door. u know him No Protection. There wero three or four colored men on the platform of a Brush street car, savs the Detroit Free Press, and ono of them was ex hibiting a rabbit’s foot and expressiug h perfect faith in it as a charm, when an old man with a cano and basket remarked: -1 nused to nev one o' dem myself, but I frowed it away long ago.” *Doan’ you be lieve in‘em®’ “No, sab: not now. Dat rabbit's fut wos all right befoh dey got police fo'ce, but it an’t wuth shucks now They looked at him for an explanation and he said: “I went out one night wid o rabbit’s fut in my pocket,an’ the next thing a knowed 1 was up in do workhouse fur thirty days. “How you git dar#? asked oue, “Do jelzo sentme.” “What do jedge dun sent you furt” *‘What fu What he dun sent me fur? Why, saly, 'ease dey found do chickens n my bag, of co A Medical Phenomenon. Texas Siftings: “Helloa, Wigzlesworth ! exclaimed a Texus man, meeting an ucquaint- ance on the avenue; “you aro us gray as a rat. Whaat's the matter with you?" “Ivs terrivle, isn'vit! Last night I ex pericnced a devero fright and my hair turned 1o 1's présent silvery hue imme diately.” A few days affer this tho Texas man again_encouutered Wiggiesworth, wearing by itiful, vesplendent, coal black loc “Why, Wigglesworth, what's the meaning of this! T'he lasPlime we met your hair wis snow white and now it is dark as a raven’s wing." “Yes: you see my hair tnrned gray fro suddon ‘fright, Yesterday a man paid mo $10 he had beew owing mo for a long time and the pleasureablo emotions were so vio- lent that thoy turned itbacs again to its original color.” tting a Light, The aristocratic aud lordly ways of .yo Enj lish lord was well oxemplified some time 1xo on board a steamship goiag to urope, says the Ciocinnati Buquirer. The story is told oy a well-known lawyer, who was "~ crossing the ocean, and bappened to have on board as a fellow-teaveler w real, live Inglish lord. The lawyer huppened to take a cigar from Lis pocket, and walking over to the lord,who was smoking, usked him: “Pleaso lof me bave a light" “Beg pawden,” said the Lord in that droll, languisuiag way of the Engli sh. “Let me b ht for my” cigar, please! i a “Aw, vo-as; eall my ser- vant Jobn—he carries my matches.” ~ The Lawyer walked off, sat down in a dark corner, and wonderad at tho so of crime. A man from the west was telling about the mannerof dealing out,_justice to thieves in that seetion, says the Chicago Herald, ro was Coyote Bill,” he said, worst in the business, He came iuto my place ouo night, stole a pair of boots and overcoat and $30, then went to Hardin's stable, stolo a horse and got out by mid- night.”” “Did he get aw. “Not much. W ‘the were after bim in three bours und by noon we bad him shot full of holes; but be was vo coward and ho shot tbree of our party before we finished him.” “Anyhow he was game und died with bis boots on,” putin & fellow who was none too good himself. ho didn’t,” s flav contradict \Iull. d the sto hey were mine. Church Obse ations. New York Herall Iweut to chureh one Sabbath morn, And what I ustea there Amony tho godly people made Me cynically staro. The preacher young, whila asking neaven For spirits’ meat and drink, I saw glance toward a smirking miss And, slyly sminug, wink. Isaw a pious visaged dame, When heads wero bentin prayer, Lift up ber curiu s eyes and at Her neighbors' bonnets stare. I saw the wretch who'd seen, unmoved, His starving workmen die, Sit listening to tho preachc With atear in cither ay s words It Might Have een Worse, Two Irishmen who had not met for years, says tho Buffalo loquirer, van across eacn other, and after a period of handshaking ad journed for somo wou congratulations. “Long time si wo met, Clancy, isn't it Great 1ot of thivgs have huppened sinc then,” said the tiest “Yes, indeed. Look at myself. Sure it's warried L um,” roplied Clancy, ellime! Have you anything to MO Grady *You don show for it 929 R I,\" 'EEN ] Sovered that his had two socks tpon his right | “toot, while his left was entirely unprotected." 1891 - Her Vooal Qualities. | _ Alady was once singing at a concert | hor voice was, to say tho least, very thin | pinces | " “AN, said her husband, who, after the | and n manner of husbands who have musical wivos, thought. hor vocal powers wero groat; “what atine volco she has “Very tine," ropliod a st side. man at his ngo Vhat timbro!" continued the husband Considerabio timbre,” responded the steauger again, “but too many cracks in it for woather boarding and not. quito enough | for a fence.” g The husband remained silent during the coneluding portions of the entertainment, wided by F Boston ( “My Henry, papa dear, is quite A daviine boy, you'll own, He is i scholarship equipped And {s surpassed by none Tn genius, and all that, but then— And here she 'gan to blush I must admit he'd better be If he'd a littlo *push.’ Tho' papa nothing said just then He quite absorbed ber speech, And when the tempus fugited Till it did midnight reach And Henry lingered at th Reciting parting gush, He got a pedal impetus T'hiat quite resembied “push. door 1e Value. “What is 1n the pack- tho express oftice nk young woman. lired the clork. Its Prob Chicago Tribune: ago?” asked the clerk at proceeding to fill out a t © SOl letters,” replied the “Vaiue ! mechanically i “Fifty thousand dollars.” And the plaintiff in the breach of promise case of Jones vs Do Cember, who had just remitted o batch of documents to her luwyer, walked out of the express office with a vivid but business-like gleam in her eye, A Better Offer, Typowriter—Mr. Spudd, 1 am sorry to leave your employ, but I bave just had an Elderly Widower (with cager haste)—My dear Miss [velyn, 1 have long intended to offer you my own hand aud Typewriter (coldly businesslike) —Tho offer, Mr. Spudd, is from a firm that will pay me asalary of £15 a month more than you do. Good morning, sir. ake Up for Lost Time, Chicago Tribune: “If Iam'ta good boy,"” sand the errikg youth to his father, *1v's your own fault. You haven't brougnt me up Pyht stas the twig is bent tho tree is inclined, “To some extent, my son,” replied tho father. reflectively, “¥ou are right. You huve not been beut sufficiently, but it 1s uot entirely too late, even now.” Aud ho bent lim across his kneo i the od old way A inclined nis right hand unto bim powerfuily sever 0 about tho same style as of old. trying to ) The * upreme Test. Washington Star: “T'he human systom is a wonderful thing,”’ said the rural traveler to his nel bor at the railway luuch counter, temarkable what strains the wuscles will stand, ain’t itd” “Yes: becn to the football game?” “No; T was wondering how on earth a man over swallerod one of them biscuit without breakin’ his neck.” Dialect Cove Multitude of Sins. 5 Philadolphia Press: “And you want my honest opinion of your story 2"’ “Yos, You'll not get angry ¢ “Well, like lots of the works of the class, the sraiomar i3 too good for dialect proper, and too poor for straight rmmmuuu,x, il in e thrie—Say, er town! = ~This yeti A ago I was in Chica right along. ackson Purke Puck: Bill the name of this A on P Bill Guthrie—Chicago me two days been drivin® Mr. mister, what's told 0, and I've That's right. Hard on the Judge. Good News: Judze—Have you anything to say before Sentenca is pass Prisoner—Nothin', only [ wouldn't be hers if it wasn't for ignorance of the law. Judge—Your ignorance of tho law is no ex- cuse. Prisonor—"Tain’t my about, 1t's you orance I'm talkin’ Ih thoe Midse Tid-Bits: Artist—Itere is a very suitablo picture, Mr. Gibbs—the missionary in the center of a group of cannibals Deacon Gibbs—I see th Turps, but where is the misstonary ¢ Avtist—Didn't I just tell you he was in the center of the cannibals? Mr. Unuse 1 to Course Dinners, Puck: Mr. Flaxsoed (sampling first course)—By ginger, mother! This Tarbul uee Hoof we've hear about ain’t nothin’ more nor less tha osh ! Dr. . MAD M Birney cures eatarrh, Bee bld RUPPERT HAYS fect complexion This week I wonld like if It wero posstble to have very lady in Omaha snd vleinity cail or welte: and what my world renowned Face Bleach Lassiro you, budies, if you have not investigat you do not know how much o quickly your com plexton can be mproved by Ity use. Every day | Fecelve n dozen or more unsolleited monlals of how much good my Fues Bloneh has done. Often Tady wiil vI<IE my parlors with frocsies or heayy W, and eatl wEnin Glee two weoks u o Bieach with hot fuce entirely cloars tils 18 even oF pimiples. blackheads, eczemn and i fact 1 formsof skin discases. My Faco Blaach 15 within Wi reaeh of all, one bottle whieh wil show improy jont, i iy ¥, or threy bottlos £ wiber, | cansend my Faco Bloach o ladies out of LWL secu ot MME. A. RU. PER/ 6 East 14°h S reet, New Ycrk. sl In Omahia by my representative, 210 Eouth 15 OMATLMIA, NS “Jaith and 1 haye that I've got a fine, bealthy boy and W6 neighibors say he's just ho pietard of e, O'Grady looked at Clauey, who wasu't built eu the lines oba prize beruty, “Ah, well, what’s' the harrum su long as the child’s Bealthy " A Qualifi ¥ Hlecomme tion Says u gentlemag who atien lod the receat Methodist confersnco in Wasbingion: I was | amused at the way i which a few dolegates cong Al themselvos | It remiuded mo'df the story tol Matthew Arn Wi the occasion of generously crtained. One morni | bost put before Lim at the wcfast table, among other 5, buckwheat caies a long time 1 e o nor bis wifo 00k any | cakes, but notiviug that bis Amevican (un\ 15 | uto thew witl at_avparent relish gusto, ho gi: tonk one on pluto tasted it very cr 1y Then leaning over to his wife, he said You'd better try on | deah, they ah not 'alf so nawsty us thoy look.' *" | The » ysery solve “My dear,” said the at fessor on orving \he break b alarm yourself, o shi feated itself t foot fact that the 158 is b W my right foot rejoices in_more than nornal warmtr whoreas the left Is quite rizid and stuff and cold as ice.” Upon the advice of the family doctor, w eut { t dolay, the profesior **» put to bed, when it was dis »HE NEW COLLFR‘ VIGOR. OF MEN Enaily. Quickly, Permanontly Heatorod Wonkie « iy, and all tho train of eviis (¢ R e results of Ovorwork, worry, ute. Full strength, developmoent, and wiven o evory methods. 1 to lmprovement meen.' Failure aad procs ma d) fre0, Adiress ERIE MEDICAL €O, BUFFALO N. ¥ Conor and feneorrieot noew PAGES. with y(vnrl_:n'nlu:nr‘nvq ne ?l‘rnu [y 1, 1 VRS They aro the best on Ea wnd llr‘nllhln the A'ana fowais: olor e tom thorouthlss caro Hondnghes: Fevars, ol ifabitual Conntipation, S1ck 11end i £1%0 porfoct digostion. N con gripe, vory ariall, oaky ¢ S Puroly ve bl omded by 1ading physicians \ll:\llll R, theso presents are ahsolut @iven Away, 1o Inttoduce Dr. Flobbs Cel brated Pilla. Any bank or business honse in Chicago will endorsa onr reliability, i+ ilberal Sffar 18 made S011y 10 A drertiss Dr. Hoht's Celenrnted Remedies. | Atisfotin IF YUU GUESS THIS REBUS. Which fs the name of & practice causing more 8l misory, ruin and despair olso in ho world, WA Igive the n sending u wer on or Slst, 151, $100 in Gold; to sender orfect M50} 10 the third | guarantoed of monoy ratindod dors of thio next 15 correct | address by mail, AGENTS WA Tio sender of the last cor | Hobl's Romedios should be in every I rect answer will rocelvo $100 1n Golds tho [ mediately after Dec. dlst 8 printed list, giving Dext £o tho lnit BSO1 tho noxt And the | hAmes Ad AAArosses 6f #1CCONE 1] cONLESLANES noxt 15 (s 1ore b S0 % ench. | will bo malled 1o every competitor, Adiross HOBD'S MEDTCINE ¢5., Cor: Denrborn & Mareison 5is, ¢ hies Tian oyt L of the noxt 82, KL TR @IS Painless. Less Pain. No Pain. The wonderful local ana ed only by DR, BAILEY is relieving hundreds of Qm ple of agony usually existing in hav- ing teeth extractec y the use this harmless diug teeth are ex- tracted absolutely without pain danger, the patient being per- fectly conscious all the time, but sensibility of the tissue around the place whoare applied being en No extra charge for A Full Set of Set TEETH And a ON RUBBER ©aabeitsenent men thetic u the of the irsly gone For Five Dollar: very 1ime, e R N I L ey I5 0 W, IRIANITLIRNG . D). 1Dk S5 OFFICES TELEPHONE, 1088. The THIRD FLOOR PAXTON 16TH and FARNAM STS BLOCK. , BEntrance on 16th, UNPRECEDENTED SUCCESS that the Behr Bros. & Co’s PIANO have elicited from the . from the press and from a public long pr -~ ¢ attained, and the hizh praise they NOWNED ARTIST lder makes, it is saf MON ATTRIBUTI MAX MEYER & BRO. CO 57 Sole Agents, Omaha, Nebrasl world®s MOS indiced RE« 1 favor of to assume that the instrument must be possessel of UNCOW tablished 1866. WOODS ICK TOOLS . RUN IRON, ROPE & BLOCK'S Send for catalogue. 1811 Jas. Morton Son & GU., i 1316 Duuglf\s Street, Omaha, Neb. Dr.J.E. VicGREW THE NOTED SPECIALIST in tho treatment of all forms of PRIVATE DISEASES. s of tho Blood and Ski General Debility, Loss of M dand Ambition. Want of Lafe and Vitality, Bad Memaory, Despondent, Discoaraed, icf obtained without loss of timo from bugines The most powerful wedies known to m n seieneo for the treatment of the above diseases. The weak grow strong, the despondent become clieerful from renewed Vitality, Ambition and Courage. My resoure wd facilities for doinig bisiness nre unsury . Allcorrespondencestrietly privats Write for torms circulars and question list. t4th and Farnam Sts., Omaha, Neb. CHICHESTcH'S 11, RED CROSS : ? NIAMOND BRAND ENRYROVAD * Pibbe 4 __._E'L.":,‘ AT cHEsTER CuEic AR R TI Xf “,,;1 | L { S . i INTEREST PAIDONGEPOSITS | hh 014 L[ e ‘ at OMAHALOANETRUSTCO | | SAVINGS © BANK || GECOR. 16" &O0OLUGLASSTS, | ! CAPITAL:S100.000.00 | DIRECTORS ! AUWYMAN-E.W.NASH | | Deeatur, T11,, Nov. 24, '89. &4 Dr. J. B. Moc Doar Sir I have - - —_- S— for years past been troubled with bils ATOP Bischarges & Emisstos e aver found that gave ontire relio \( ,:‘g AR O TR Y ’:' D LIy i B R A ERRE \ Rh S & ‘rmf" Y (fsalished way be suffering from kindred discases \-\ kw'.'“_”:_‘.'_“__h BeMamber Tl Lo 0 0f Lifa. & positivs cara tor Ki1nsy o l CURE FETS ' ) s vor comal i and ail'b 00l dlsatey.” 1) TO wEAK MEN suftort | so1a, etc. . . THOMPSON PUS. €0 \ ST, LOUIS, MO, S F EHEDY i ", Mm‘:duu.(unn. MEN n L,