Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, August 15, 1891, Page 9

THE OMAHA DALYy BEE WE THE GRAVE AND G4 Harebell=-A Reparatio The following poem by Edmund Clarence Bteadmun appears in the August Atlantio, It evidently refers to the late Lawrenco Bar- rett. “Grant him,” 1 said, “a well earned namo, I'io stage's knight, the keen essayer Of parts whence ull save greatuess came, But-not a player. “Strange, as of fate's perverseness, this Proud, euger soul, tLis fine strung crea- ture, Should seem forever just to mi That touch of nature; *The instinet she so lightly gives Some fellow'at his rivals snarling, Some churl who gains the boards, and lives Transformed —her darling 1 “You think 507" he replied —*Well, T “Thourht likewise, maugre Lanciotto, And Yorick - though his Cassius nigh Wou Hamlet's motto, “But would you learn, as I, hisclow T'o nature's heart, and judge bim fairly— Go sue bis rustic bard, go view His Man o' Airlie. that defenscless minstrel brought rom hope to wan dispair, from laughter To frenzy's moan - the image wrought Will haunt you after, “Se Th m see him crowned at last! If such A guerdon waits the stricken poet, "Tw re well, you'll own, to Lear us much— Kven die, to know it. “Bruvol,’ cried -1, too, the thrill Must feel, which thus your blood can waken,” aw upon the bill retuker And once 1 That par But leagues of travel stretehed between Me and that idyl played so rarely: And then— his death ! nor nad 1 scen “The Man o' Airlie, My failure, not the actor's, loved By all to art and nature loyul; Not his, whom ttarvell's passion proved Of the blood royal Canonized, J R, Preston in Kat e!d's Wahington, Amid the busy multitude moyes she, A queen uncrowned, a saint in earthiy guise, With in the clear depths of her shining oyes And on ber paliid face—a radiancy That scems reflected from th stal sea Which stretches 'twixt our souls and Para- dise. Some say that in Ler heart a sorrow lies Which coutradicts ber sweet tranquility. A victor, no symbolic palm she bears; Upon her face her triutph's sign she wears— A peace that showeth all her stainless soul, Enthroncd in hearts of erring and of good, She relgns w royalty of womunbood, Yot round her head chere shines no aureole! Under Bitlicu!tios. Someivitle Jowrnal, In the hammock she is swinging "Round ubout mosquitoes winging Fill the eveiing ui While her lover o'er her bending, To propose is now intending, Hear his ardent prayer #Oh, my (slan!) love, T adore you'l Here (slur) 1 bow down before you (Slup!) on bended kuee. Tell me, dear (slap!), that you love me Bend your head (slap! slap!) above mo (That time I got three!)” And the maiden, softly sighing, To his ardor thus veplying, Says in tender tone: — 1 must own (slap!) that I (slay You all other men a- (slap!) bove! (I'hat one had a bone!)" love Sweet love's dream is when two youthful Hearts exchange fond words and truthful Vows of constant trust, Eyen mosquitoes can’t restrain them, Rapid blows —whew ! how they rain thom ! Make them bite the dust. Ve ndthe World, rm Watermn, The worid is the same as it used to be, But therc have come changes 10 you and mo, There is Just as much right and as little of wrong, Thero is Just as much summer and sunshine and song. But we—on, we look through our tears and our care, Aud wo fancy the fields aro ll cheerless and bare, Aud we say of the picture, *“tow sadly de- rangod " But it isn't at all, changed. it is we who have The birds sing as sweetly,and brooks as thoy flow Are bubbling the songs of the glad long ago. The butterflies dance in the meadow today, And the chiidren are laughing about in the s have grown dull und bedimmed is the eye, And we miss all the beauty of earth aud ot Woare shut in ourselves; were we not we could seo That the world is the same as it used to be, The of the C. P Cranch in Awjust St. Nicholas, “Ah, will you, will you,” sings the thrush, Deep in his shady cover, “Ab, will you, will \ou live with me, Ad be my friend and lovert “With woodland sconts and sounds all day, And musie we will fill you, For concerts we will charge no fee. Ab, will you—will you—will you i Dear hidden vird, oft Dve heard Y our pleasant invitation; And searched for you amid your boughs With fruitiess obsorvation. Too near and yet too far you seem For mortils to discover. You call me, yet I cannot come, — Aud am your haploss lover. Like all that is too sweet and fair, L never may come near you. Your sones till all the summer air; - Lonly sit uud hear vou, Tho y Host, Bishop Sha ding in the Century, The countless stars which to our human eye Are fixea und steadfast, each i proper place, Foreye space. Rush with our sun and planets through the sky, And like a flock of birds still onward fly; Returning nover wleuce vegan taeir race, They speed their ceaseless wiy with glew. ing fuce, As though God bade them win Infinity. Ab, whithier, whither is thewr forward flight Through endless time und limitloss ox- panset Whet power with unimaginable might Iirst whicled them forth 1o spin in tiveloss dunco What beaut night, So that, for th bound to changeless poiuts in ¥ lures them on through primal em, to be 1s to advance! Aluska. Joaquin Miller, Ice built, ice bound and ice bounded, Such cold seas of silence ! such room ! Such suow light, such sea light, coufounded With thuuders that smite like s doom | Such grandeur! such glory, such gloom ! Hear that boom! hear that deep distant boom Of an avalaiche huried Down this unfinished world. 1ce seas! and sumwita! ice spaces, 1n splendor of white, in (iod's th Tce worlds to the pole! and ice places, ntracked wnd unnwined and uv K ar Lhat boom ! groa Of tho ice gods in pain! Hear the moan Of you fce mountain hurled Down tais unfinished world! 0! wn ! H NTY-FIRST YEAR. Hear the grindivg, the | ND AXD SEA A Trage ol the Sea, M. Qual tn New York World. The Sth of September,1868,at 7 o'clock morning, in the Cape of Hope, bearing almost due east, and 700 winy ited o ship dead iead. I was second mate of the En lish Lord Clibe, and we bound from Australia to Liverpool with wool. It was my watch—which know is the port or captain’s and we were within miles of the stranger when the morning mist cleared and we sighted he: She was a small, square-rigged vessel, driving along off before the ly wind, and she dia not show a square foot of canvas on any musts, I took the glass und went aloft, und wmy wonderment There was one mun aboard of her, but only one as far as I could He was pacing the quarterdeck, and had his fice turned towards There was no signal of distress flying, and yet it was plain enouch that something was wrong there, [ descendedafter a long look, and just then the eaptain came on deck. We had about o five knot brecze, aud wa w not long in overhauling the stranger. Her wheel was lashed, and as we eame upon starboard quarte still fuiled to make out more than one man, We were near enough to seo that he was a Portuguese, and evidently one of the o The name of the ship was the Three Brothers, and she hailed from tha Cupe. We allimmediately remsmboared sezing her at Si ¥, and of her having left two weeks befors we did. She was loaded with wool to be taken on at the Cupe by liners coming down from India. Our captain hailed as we swept by her, but the sailor wu his hand to sig- nify that nothing was wanted. “Thero is somstning very queer * suid the captuin as we got clear L “and I propose to investigate. We looked up a ¢ouple of points to be r of her and threw the brig into the wind, I was ordered to take two men and pulloff to the stranger, which was drifting along at the rate of about two miles an hour. We had a_ boat down and were off in & minute, and in another ten would have been up with her had not something nappened. The Portugueso stood looking at us for half a minute as we approached, Then he disappearced and I suddenly caught sight of & mus- ket-barvel over the vail. I was wonder- ing if my eyes deceived me, when the villian fived and onc of my men pitched forward on his face, shot through the buck and breathing his last within five minutes. The sailow then stood up and warned us by gestures to keep away or he'd serve out another, and you may guess that we lost no time in returning to the brig. What had oceurred only deepened t mystery. Theve was o ship, evidently in the best condivion, but without a sail sot and in charge of only one man. In- steud of pursuing her voyage she was drifting like a log. Ifin" distress, she showed no signal and one of our men had just been murdered when we were on the way to offer our services. It was w pretty tough nut to erack, but our cap- tuin was determined to find the kernel, We hauled back on our course and again overtook the ship und this time we ran down so close to her that one could have pitched his cap abourd Every man of us was looking, but we saw only that Portugese sailor, Ho had five or six muskets piled up on the cabin skylight and he turned his back on us as we swept past. The decks were clewr and in perfeet ovder and the sails had been ne stowed and furled. *What's the matter? What has hap- pened? What do you want?” Se our captain shouted at the man,but he paid not the slightest heed. We ran aheud of her about a mile and then luted up ugain, and as the ship came drifting down the captain sa’d: *There's buen some awful aboard yonder craft. It hasn't mutiny, ‘becauso there'd be about, but I'm thinking that man has somelhow made way with every other soull 1t’s our duty to solve the mystery if wo can, but we don't wan't any mory murders. Me. Piper, you will pull off to him again and try ‘and get aboard, Tuke o musket with you, and if he fives at you try and kill him!” I went off with two other men holding the bout neross the course of the drifting ship. When she was within musket shot the Portuguese hegan blazing away I coud only see the topof his head above the rail, asthe sbip had high bulwarks, and I'don’t suppose my buliet even whistled in his ear. He had a ter- rible advantage of us, but I had deter- mined to make a dash and bourd him when his third shot struck one of my wen in the arm aud crippled him for life, and within fifteen seconds he fired again and knocked my hat off my head, There was intense excitement aboard the brig when we puiled back. Every maun of us now felt that the Portuguese vas the sole survivor of some awful tragedy and that he meant to light to the death to keep us from boarding the ship, We were more than full handed on the brig, there being four men who had paid the captain o few dollars each and were working tho balance of their passage. If we found the ship without crew enough to work it we could take it inand claim a pretty lump of salvage. This fact lnd its influence on our ¢ ip- tain, no doubt, thougn I believe he would have stood by it until the mys- tery was solved to sitisfy his own cuvi- osity. It wus now decided to send out two boats, and after rummaging around we armed ourselves with three old mus- kets and a revolver—aull the firears the brig could boustof. The first mate took one ooat with three wmen in it and [ took the other with an equal number, We plunned to menace him, €0 thut he would fail into confusion, and we lay on our onrs and let the ship drift down to us. | wus to hook on to her bows,while the first mute kopt the sailors busy aft; but we didn’t kuow how much devil there was in him, He divided his stock of wuns forward and aft, and his fist bullet killed o man in the mate’s bout. My bout had hooked on to the fore- chuins d 1 was thinking we had a cleur way to the deck when he upset a pail of Doiling wuter over us from the rail, uad every one of us were forced to leup into the sea to ense our torments, The trio of us were terribly sealded, and one of the men entively lost the sight of his left oy We hed uot oaly made another failure, | but here was another dead man and | more wounded. Our erew was now for bearing away und waking no further at- tempt to board the stranger, but the captalu cried out that he would stand by the Good miles brig we you must two west of hie increased, us, e her we ot doings been more men | asingle man watch— | until he had lost every man and his own life, too, before he would be defeated by We had to furl ever thing to keep in company with the ship, and for three hours the two craft drifted along almost within musket-shot. Then we were for another attack. We had constructed three bullet-proof shel- ters along the port rail, and the idea was to run down alongside the ship and shoot the Portuguese as we passed. Weo mude <ail and ran down, but only to find that the wily villain had himself con- structed a shelter and our bullets could I not reach him. He gave us three shots | while within range, and, though he hit no one, his shooting was uncomfortably close, and proved that he was a good marksman. There wis but one other way to attuack him and we put that off until 2 in | the afternoon. We wanted wind and sen to go down, and we had our wish. Along about 4 o'clock the breeze dropped almost out of sight, while the se: without a white-cap. We h heavy grappling iron, and the idet to lay the ship wboard. When all was ready we bore down on her, and this wis 4 move the Portuguese could not check-mate. He had to remain behind his shelter or expose himsell to our bul- lets. We ran alongside, castour grapnel, d the two eraft drifted side by side. Ou captain then gavo the signal, and five of us made a rush over the ship's rajl, In doing so wo were exposed to the suilor’s fir nd he shot the rpenter through the h tle hud time to fire only once, however, but when th four of us piled on to him we found him almost our match. Had not help come I verily believe he would have gained the victory, He scemed endowed with the strength of a ginnt, and his fiorce- ness was that of a wounded tiger While he was being bound he got u sailor’s finger between his sharp teeth and it it clean off, and not one of us escaped without bruises. When we had finally secured our man we began the work of ” clearing up the mystery. Not a soul could we find aboard the ship, nor could we at first account for the absence of the crew. Then one thing and another . brought to light to tell us the horrible story. The had left Sydney with four teen men. The fiend of a Portuguese nhad murdered each and every man by means of poison in the rum. He was the cook. A week out of port she had met with heavy weather and been obliged to lie to and ride out. This was liow she came to have everything snug aloft. It was while she was riding out the gale that the captain had som trouble with the cook. Just what it was on one but the Portuguese knew. He claimed to have been bratally assaulted without cause, and to revenge himself he poisoned ademijohn of rum kept for the eaptain’s use, Some of this rum, he claimed, was afterwards served out to all hands without his knowledge, and the entive crew was thus killed off. What the real facts were could never be brought out. As we found no blocd or other evidences of murder in the or- dir way, we had to accept the sail- or's siatoment aboat the poison. s had dragged every dead man on deck und thrown him over, and when the gale ceased the ship hud taken her own way to come about and go driving off. lHain had no idei as to wh would bring up, and he didn’t long as he was not overhaulod. After a of hard work we got toth afely to Cape Town, and there the wholesale muvderer was tu ned over for trial. He told the story of the poisoning as cool as you please, and I shall never forget his statement of what followed after the liquor was served out. “Captain he fall down and cry out and die!” explained the fienda. Then the mate he voll over and scream and go dead. Then the suilors call t6 God to save 'em, but all go dead in one half hour!™” “Then what?” was asked. *Then I laugh ha! ha! ha! and throw ‘em all overboard! Some sink and some float away!” I was present when he was exceuted, During all his trial and imprisonment he never expressed the slightest re.rtet for his awful crime. There was a de- mand that he be hung alive in chains, but of course nothing of the sort could be legally done, He walked to the gal- lows with smiling face, bowed to the crowd gathered to see him die, and shouted so that all could hear: “I kil seventeen men, and you kill only one—ha! ha! ha!” | it An Adventure with Road Agents, EdJ. Armastrovy in Cincinnate Commereial, Four of us—a young lady, governess in “n officer’s family wealthy merchant, the company’s shoer, bound fer the stables at Denver— and myself, government assuyer and mineral expert,had left Santa Fe, N, M., on the Sunta Fe & Denver stage, ono scorching summer afternoon. [t was now about 2 in the afternoon. We had just congrawlated ourselves on being safely ont of the most dangerous and were driving briskly to- u fork. rhtened our w, horse o’clocl pusses, wards the Canadi The full moon 1 malk- ing the bushes and trees adjucent cast shurp, decided shadows across the roud. I had ehanged places with the horse- shoer on the roof, for the sake of a little move air. The “insides” were dozing, but [ felt wakeful and alert. We be- guiled the sultry hours by story-telling. Suddenly I suw semething moving in the shadows ahead of us. “What is that?” I said. The driver looked, his eyes round liko the moon. *Nothing but & bur he veplied, reforring to the puek mules that frequently strayed down the moun- uin It disappeared quickly in the shade, and from thence, it by magic, two men, the polished barrels of their vifles gleaming in the maonlight, sprang into the road. They wore huge slouched sombroros and army cloais, The stoutest of the pair caught the bridles of the leaders; the other, cover- ing us with his Winchester, roared: UStir afinger an’ yer dead men!” Ad- vancing closer, and “keeping us within range of his muzzle, he shouted: “Piteh out the treusure box, quick! We're in a hurey!” The driver begun to stammer a reply, but I stopped bim with a muttered Shut up! * Let me talk to these ch ! There's no treasure abourd tonight! I said this coolly, at the same time ing my body to and fro to get vt of vange of the muzzle; the man was evidently very determined as we very near. As lintended he should, ne took me for an express messenger, and s neither driver nor wessenger is sup- posed o pessess any valuables they are seldom molested, None o' yer noosense!” replied the bandit. **Hund out the treasure or ye'll see trouble, blast yer!” The scoundrel at the reins, who hel g sides, a8 [ o pointed at me from 1 een the horses’ heads, evidently enjoyed my en- deavor to get out ' of wnge, for he squeaked in a high, falsetto voice: **Does them bar'ls look big “Yes," echoing the old joke current among the miners, ** can read all the adver- tisements on the wadding.” He ga hoarse chuckle. *“Hy'ar, hy'ar; heave out ther specie box!™ roured the rutiian with the Winchester. [ insisted thero was none. “Here, look at the way-hill; if there’s any such thing aboard it will be among the items,” and [ made n mo- tion to get down,” holding it in my hand “Stay where yer are, or Ull shoot: yer n head off I I threw him the way bill, ped his rifle, and picking it u looked itover in the moonlight. Profiting by this action, I undertook to slip my pock- ethook iuto my boot, 1 moved m hand round to get at the pocl driver mistaking the movement, whis- pered, *Huve yougot one?” The man at the horses’ head noticed our little conferen and yelled at us, The other mstantly leveled his gun straight at my head: *None o’ that! Hands up!” “Wae throw up our hands and he again turned to the way bill. 1did manage though, to slip my money into my boot. L see there's no mention made of the treasure, and it was sent, it would certainly be noticed on the bill. How- ever, you cun get up und look in the box and sitisfy yoursell,” H situted a moment, then climbed up, rifle in hand, and looked in the box; in doing so he kicked my valise. (As a government expert, I was well known to tho bankers of Santa e, They never hesitated to trust me with large imounts of money, and this trip was no excep- tion, having with me nearly $15,000 in rold, secured partly in an inner belt wwound my waist, puitly by a false bot- tom improvised in my valise by gummin strong wrapping paper over the precious parcels, an inner lining of the bag.) “‘Open this hy'ar grip!” eried the road agents. 1 did so, carefully taking out the contents und letting him look inside; the wrap- i ser deceived him, Nuw,” he growled, *‘thar's no treas- ure on this stage, but we've sworn ter have two hundred tonight’ an’ ef w don’t fin’ it in yer treasure box wi mought fin’itin yer bagzage. Who's inside?” “Two men and a ludy. None of them rich: one of them is.the horseshoer, go- ing to Denver to shoe the company horses,” “We'll look av em. Whatever hap- pens, don’t yer move on yer life. We id the cash on thém, ur in the baggage.” The “inside’ appeared to be sleeping. The man rattled the door and roused them out to be searched. They obeyed, apparently half asleep. He placed them inarvow. *Hands up!” he suid. **Now fur yer pockets!” The horseshoer had but in silver; the merchants purse showed only a ten and a few small bills, and the young lady’'s nothing but her papers and a little ehange. The poor girl looked as if about to faint, “You're an ornary crowd ter have so little with yer,” he enarled, “an’ I've a good mind ter send yer all ter blazes this cussed night. Twobundred we've sworn ter have, so we'll have ter rip up yer This was uttered with in il He drop- n spoke: ‘*You'll tind nothing of any nccount in our bag- gage, but if you will ask this young lady for her hat, and can fiud the one thou- nd in bills she concealed in it just be: fore leaving Sante Fe, I think you will certuinly consider yourself repuid for your trouble,”’ The girl turned towards him blazing e and uttered the “Traitor]® There was no_ escup hat was taken possession of. Afte lining had been curefully ripped out, it was returned with a few grutf words of apology. *In word, the the s luck, by heavens!’, cried the highwayman, exultingly, “Pile in, ull, and be d—d ter yer. Sorry fur yer loss, Miss, but wejre boun’ ter take all wo kin git. We ain't got no treasure; but this here’ll do "bout as we Drive on!™ [ want the way-bil I said excit- edly, for the scene we had just witnessed had raised my indignationto fover heat. He handed it tome, but it fluttered under the horse’s feet, and I again de- manded it. He picked it up, climbod the wheel and handed it to me. Then, turning 10 the young lady, suid gruflly: “But fur this lining, young might all ha’ been lyin' in g No treasure aboard! Come agin ‘thout it an’ we’ll sett counts, blast yerl Now git!” We gladly followew this advice, but could not find language strong enough Lo express our opinion of the merchant. The driver made the aiv fairly lurid with his sulphurous profanity, and the young lady answered all attempts ut counsolation with hystevical sobs, The mevchant alore appeared to retain his cool equanimity of temper. Arrviving at Denver he begged very eurnestly of the young lady, with me as her escort, to grant him a'few moments for explunation in n private parlor, He pleaded so feverently that she gave a reluctant assent. He closed the door and bolted it, which looked a little strange. “*Don’t be ufraid aid he, as 1 felt for my revolver. Sitting down he pulled off his boot and from the toe took out wad of bills. Said e, “My poor child, let me make réstitution,” Here are $2,000 in bills for the $1,000 you lost’ handing her two $1,000 billsyour lin- ing was a God-send to me; if they had seurched me further they would have secured twenty insterd of one thousand. And besides, concealedin my bagg are dinmonds und other precious stones, which, if they had secured, would have beggured n Taking o beuutiful soii- taire from his vest lining he presented that also to her, I should have ex- plained in tho stage,” he said, *‘but walls have ears, and swhy shouald I trust the others with my secroty” - Ihe Bag Party Huve you been invited ton bag party yet? They are quite the latest thing, The striped paper used by grocers is pasted into the form of o huge bag, which envelopes a young woman or man, is tied tightly about their respective necks and has opeaings for the feet, which lutter mercifully settle the (quess tion of sex, the waseuline extremity being easily distinguishable. Another bag covers the head,” Is tied about the neck and has openings for the e At a given signal the bags burst and the buttertlies, very much heated but radi- unt, emerge to'prove how very mistaken every one has been conce n identity of every one else, - Too Stingy to Live A rich miser in Detroit, 00 stingy to pay o physician’s fee and too proud to allow a city doctor to be called in, died the other day simply for the want of proper wedical aid, he woman, ye nder diteh, this w yer ac- I said, | with | | 'WELVE PAGES. ED Ry His Ay Free Press: *Hubby foar you have soma h you have kept from me, LCKLERS, ntie ! said the family se Dotroit new wife, crets whi amily secrets “Yes, dear, Hive von not an aunt who is not what she should be!" “1 An aunt! Why, what do you menn " 0, I'know, aud I respoct your solieitude for her morals; but, my dear, you should not have kept the matter secret from me, Possi vly I could help you in the gond work." I don’t know what you ure tutkiug about my dear. What do you mean 1'* +0, Tknow it all. I heard you last night talking fu your sleep about makivg your auntie good. " A Stickler for Fe Detroit Free Pr Blufleign morning, Swel ¥ You will pardon hope, but [ have some bad news for you Swellery — Pway, don't tell 1t to" me, boy i I catvu't heali it, don't you know. such bad fawm,don't you know. Blufleigh —Thie deuce, you say. you muke that out lery—Aw, me boy, evil communica tions cowwupt good maunnahs, don't vou know, and weally you must excuse me for not heawiug wiiat yon have to tetl, Bwenk it gently, please, to my valet, e will attend to the mattah, Good mawning, old boy. Good me, 1 old It's How do Making the Most of Oppos tunity. Fliegende Blactter: “Subpose you vome dine with us tomorrow " “Wouldn't the day after do just as well 1" inquired the poor relation, “Certainly, but whero dine tomorrow ¢ “Right here. You see, your wife was kind enough to ask me for the oceasion.’ A Better Scheme, Epoch: Minister—Tommy, if a bad boy should dure you to, would you knock the chip off his sho! ert “Tommy I nis shoulde are you going to knock the head offen Pledges of Affection. Washington Post: “Ha! Kidderly, olu Congratulate you. 1 understand M has presented you with three little pledge of affection.”” “Well, ves, The fact is I have been in the auditur’s oftice so long that I kind ot expect all vouchers to be presented in triplicate,” Literally Boston Courier, He softly stroked his upper lip, A callow youth wis tie— “Pray think you not that my mustacho Is vory fing to see s’ To which the maiden made reply : Tudeed, T think [ might With periect trath and candor say, 1Vs simply out of sight.” He was 1 Yankeo Blade: Hurly 3 Uncle John's pictures it o prominent He ds an aviist, you know. Burly—A good oue, I suppose. No, indeca. He dozsn't kuow the first thing wbout painting, Burly—"Then way—f Hurly—0, he's very wealthy, ana my wife expects to become his heivess. Bob Burdette: “Dou’t you want a stoop on the house (' asked the are hiteet, noting his eli- enu's instructions, “N-no,” slowly replied the client, ““I guess not: I'm goingto have u coupleof liens ou it, and I don't want it de- formed out of ull m'ace and reason.” His hang ce. Standing Joke. Wide nwae. “How many legs " asked Grandpa Jin, Of each urshin who came visiting him-- *How may less has a sheep, if you cull His tail a leg—how many in ali¢? Al the answer prorpt would be, *Counting bis tail, sir, five has he.” “Wrong,” smiled Grandpa Jim, he has four; sy Lo prove that no sheep bas more; For calling bis tail a lez, my son, Doesn’t by any means make it one,” On His Knees, Detroit Free Press: “Whoopee! Jimmy, 1 seed more fun 'u you cud get 1nto am ocean steamer. " “Wot wuz it, Tommy " “W'y, at wuz that gawk of a Jobson a pro- posin’ to my sister.” “Did she hev 'm?" “Course she did. I tell you, Jimmy, 'twas quick work, though, One minnut hé wuz on his knees 'n ther next minnit she wuz.” **Wuz what—on hern " “Naw, you gump, on his'n.” A Sub romate. Epoch: “Why do you permit such impu- dence!” said the Puliman traveler to his companion, after a quarrel with the porter. “Can’t help it. He's the porter. 1'm only a director in the company.” No Leisure | “I'll wait until you are at leisure,” said a caller to the editor “I'ma d Il b I'm acad,” replied of no use to when he editor, you What He Shot. Washington Post: “Good morning, Mrs, Jobuson, s Augustus at home (' “No, sah ! 'Gustus am goue shootin’ mawnin’, suh!" “Shooting! Why, whatkind of game does he xhoot at this tine of the yeart “Deed, sah, I doan erza reckerlee de nawme er de gawme, but I *pears to remember heavin’ hit called crap.” dis Measure of Happinesa, Washington Star He drank and sighed *‘my groat distress No longer linge The measuro of 1 \'s happiness Is just two fiugers, Vice Versa, “Kuldo, old boy, do vou dictate much to your protty typewriter nowaduys Dictate 1o hert That little red-headed thing over there! No, sir! She dictates to seping Up Appear 8. New York Telegram: *I tell you, Jabson, be told nothing but the buld wath 1 “Possibly, Hobson, possibly. But afraid it wore a scratéh wie at the dme.” I'm n'% Nursery Rhymes, Forest and Stream, An Angler went out to fish, A trout came aloug with & swish, A brilliant red uucklo Aund other fine tackle Weutoff. Tho owner said “pish,” Sportsy SHORT AND SHAKP, The busybody is a very idle person, any u reputed wa turus out to ba merely a sealiwig Tho demoustration of canine joy begius at the end. The reason why a fly is gencrally mor absolutely of u bald bead is bocause the 1o heir appurent. The coal me munity is weigh up. Somevody has cou reh o0 is standing in the com- od them up and finds thut there are 120 womon lecturcrs in this country, This doesn't includo the Caudle lectures, of course. O, no, The summer girl s to find soda water a fizzical necessity, Every doe has his day, but cur that will bark at night Whether freozing or broiling it is always “mean” temperature with some people. Cupid is ex-officio a member of archery club. “Tako o L Auellist remarik A orusty is wort it is a mean every with me, won't you " as the 1 10 his antagonist yer believes that a laborer zet 1 the soup. 2 that will unrcel over & difference It is & green turt 3irds never a etting throukh a failure successfully, says old Mr. Cumrox 1@ wan's le-ubilities - land Lakes, Yonuth's Compaulon: It is not generally realized that there are iu this couutry Llters u good deal depends | lakes, and hundreds of thousauds ally millions of Inkes which are available for water farming, in size all the way from mere 10U to tue great inlana seas of frosh water. 1 Ilinois alone there are tens of thousands of more can e readily created There ave in Iilinois many extinet lakes, which can bo easily trausformed into sheets of water by t 1eANS, All the enormous Ly as it is known to | geolomsts, comprising Wisconsin, Minnesotoa and Michigan, north of the Ohio river, is dotted with courtless sieets of water, coridi tions being favoeale for ereating mauy more by such inexpensive artificesas the damming of strean by dammine at intervais, every creek and riviilet can bo made to form artiticial lakes Even the vast arid region, the “Gre Des ert” of the west, is spocided all over with multitudes of extinet lakes which can be filled once more and made to teem with life, as they once did | | — HOUSENOLD BUDS, On the Wrong Scent, New York Weekly: First Littlo Girl fashionable summer resort) - L'm awful ¢ to get ‘quainted with you, 'cause you're nic Second Little Girl-So'm I " with vou That's what we come for. Mamma suys so norself. “To get ‘quainted *Yes, with nice people You now.' Why, ‘that's We're o get 'q S (at d people in society, what mamma wants. people in soci just ainted with int you in society in the ety " aren’t yvou ) vakin' aud serapi whote winter to come nere ana get ‘g with peaple i v, you kuow." “So've we. T'hen you folks ain't anybody vither aro we. s there ain't much usein us gettin’ ‘quaintea.” : “Guess not."” Good-by." ' the ted at home?" Which is Correct. Detroit Free Press: Of course Detroit can successfuily claim some of the very swetest and prettiest and most natural und” brightest girls that ever drew the breath of life, but all of them are not quite up to that standard, “Mamia,” said one of these not-quite-ups, *is it proper to say that a horse 18 bow-legged 10 his fore-limbs, or bow-limbed in his fore- legs ‘And the good mother looked up work of sewine a reinforcoment on of Jonnuie's pants and nover said but, ob, that look. ving the ¢ rust, Boston Transcript: Little 1dith had the nabit of eating out the soft part of her bread and tucking the crust under the edgo of ner plato. Her mother frequently reproved Idith for this practice, but it to have no lasting effect. Tho other ing 1tith was detected at her old trick. her mother: “Edith, how often have T told you about leaving vour crusts? There may come a day when vou'll be glad to get them.” SYes, mamma,” replied Edauh, with a a mure, whimsical countenance, “‘that's w I'msaving ‘em for.” The from her the seat a word, dle of His Eye. Youth's Compnion Our farmer loves his chicery wife, His land and stoclc; vight well his pipe. But ask him what'$ tho blithesome thing “That brightens up his humdruu life, He'llsay 10 daisy dots the erass With pinker check than bis sweet lass; No merry birds-song ean rejoico The heart, like her melodious voice, No little lassie half so fair Be found in all Americ: Atthis I sce two red lins pout As if there might be room for doubt. ASK your papa there, just for fun; He'll tell you that he knows of oue! It Didn'c Work. Detroit Free Press: The mother of a De- troit miss who has not attained a great num- ver of yeurs, but has contrived in that time to get a ceputation for bewg “hard to man- age,”” was recently told by way of encourage- went that she was doing “better, “A friend remarked the other day,” said ‘her mother, “that you were much improved ! “Rats! Mumma,” suid the hopeful child, “she only suid that to flatter you." Two Boys. Good News: Little Daughter—O mamma, didn’t you say that Dick musta’t go with that néizhibor’s boy Mamma—lndeed, T did. “Well, ho's with him Smoking cigarettes,” “Horrors! Is that dirty faced boy teach- ing Dick to smoke cigarettos ¢ No'm. Dick’s teichin’ him.” benind the barn The Way It Happened, Harper's Buzar: Ethel -Mamma and | were attacked by the tramp and I threw a stone und knocked him flat, Maud—How did you come to hit him with it Ethel I fired at mamma, Why Doesn't She Move? A Baltimoro lady, with ter little daughte: met an ucquaintance on the street, and stopped toask after a mutual fricd. ' **She 15 i}, said tie acquaintance, *Indeed, she hias been next to death’s door with thatfever. Mamia,” said the wise little maid, thougnt- fully, as they walked on, “if that laiy you were talking about is next door to death, why doesn't she move ! A Soft Phitadelphia Record: “Suy, I'd liko to snap your faco in o kodak, said a Park uth to a pert miss. “Would you, indoed,” voturned the miss sarcastically, *well, youw'd have a soft snap of it then,” and sho bassed o triumphuut vinced in ber miud that sho bad got off W repartee, Christinn N Neighvor—How do neighbors! Little Girl awful nice pecple, v “Hus she called 1 e've sent in 1o horrow n dozen things, an’ they didu't once say they was just out.” Why They Cry Washington Star: *Mamua, do dogs and cuts go to heaven *No, dear.” “\ell, then, mama, let's don’t scold them any more if they lio awake nights and cry.” swsive Shongling. ing about, hap. hbors. you like your new Mamma says thoy is o an’ Christian rr are you er, litue “What man . “dimmy O'Brier licked me first, an’ th father hicked me for letting Jimmy lick me, an' then Jimmy heked me azain for tellg father, an' now 1 Lshall cateh 1t again from fathel A Peayer Meeting, The five-year-ola boy had scen his first wed ding and naturally the fawily asked him what he thought of 1t “1ooh " e said disdainfully, “10s nothing | but a prayer meeting with a soclable after it," my es in Paris, wrespondent writes: Mo quitoes, , I venture to say, for the first time within the memory of the old- ity o plague of many parts of dampness of the spring is said 10 be the veuson why they nightly buzz, bite and leave the fuce and hunds covered with bued, ved blotches, But [ believe the true cause is the wholesule destruction of S when the Jersey Visite A Puavis ¢ ur est inha Paris. The ne fish floes in that viver were being dynamited | [ never suffered so much in in any part of th of France from us 1 done this weel It one by ul wn open window along many of the swarm of them bed net not bein At night unpro Lo rise in the morn- face in u state of last winter wher south huve Wi we mosquitoes wits e ilevard uls one The Parls, ong teets ing with a disfigured painful itchiness,” | , Pages 9 to 12. | :l: NUMBER 58 IN AFTER ¥ ns. Courder. 10w youth And Bingtown scomed the world to me 1 thought Miss Dollie Hennessey A paragon of eirls, in trath, A being who would tuko the prize Among the hosts of Paradise. And when she <purned my proffered hand And took Jim Robinson's nstead, Ivowed that ne'er in ull the lana Could hope for mo its radiance shed. | When I was but a o But whon some years had passed and I, Meanwhilo a wanderer, returned To Bingtown, and, in passing by A cottage, suddenly discerned A freckled slattern, grossly stout, From a dull noreh rush wildly out, Suatch v an urchin by the ears And toss him through the opon door, Chase from the lot a yoke of stoors, Jump a rail fonco and hurel a score OF cobblers at a passing tramp, ISick ja Newfoundaland dog and ‘stamp I'wo ‘soakes 10 bits, then to the cot Swoop back and yell in accents hot, Youdim! Come hero, you lazy loit, And sweep this measloy kitetnen out ! When this Isaw and heard, then learnod \s from my ramble I returned, I'ho damo was Mrs. Robinson, I'his comment through my mind did run: *The saddest words of tongue or pen, Are surcly not it might have been," - LBOUT ME STORIES MARK TWAIN AND J0E MURPHY, Hugh Coyle, a well kuown former resident of this ¢ity who is now o advance of Fores paugh's, says the Kansas City Times, told an interesting yesterdny about Mark T'wiin and a heartloss joke hio played on Joo Murpy at an actors' fund beuefit. M, Coyle at that time had the managment of the benetit, which was given in the Academy of Music, Philadelphia, and was a groat affair, Joe Murpby was dowa on the programme fos o pathetic” seene from “Kerry Gow, and Mark Twain was to render a brief lecture on “The Tragic Tale of u Poor Fishworman. A eraveyard so > that was hard to beat said - Me. Coyle, “was provided for Joo Mur- phy. While he was in the midst of his pa- thetic performance Mr. Ciemens culled e into his box aud said rather hureiedly : ‘Mr, Cole, I must catch u train in & fow " minutes and must go on the stago as soon ns this sor leetion is ended. T will go on in the gray yard scene, You need not change it 1 thought it strange, but Mr Clemens insisted, and so I went to the stage managerand told him to fix things so Mark Twain could be rusbed on in the gravo scene while Murphy was i the dvessiug room. There I would try o detain him until Twain had fiuished “Tha awic Tale of a Poor Fishwomun,' for [ v Murphy wouldn't. like it for bis grave- ywd scene to bo used. 1 couldu't detain Murphy outside the theater. and when ho ro- entered there stood Mark Tivain in the midst of tombstones, mounds and vaults composing his graveyard'scene. Ho was saying: ‘Ladies and Gentlemen: 1 havo It for such an opportunity as this, eral voars ago T was connected with the il naelphia Led Hero wmong theso graves and “in this solemn spot I wish to sy that ¢ never wrote any of the obituavy pocias pube lished iu the Ledger. This was a great bit, the Lodger's fad at that time was obituary poetry, The crowd routed and Murphy grow red in the Ho was vory ung time, but I suppose he bears no ing for the supposed trick he thinks I played on” him, and so I givo the story and an ex- planation of how the ludicrous incident about. Twain's spoech in Murphy's g yard lasted half au hour and kept the house in constant laughter.” s GARFIELD AND A REPORTE I “There is oue speech the late President Gartiold uttered which I am satisfied has never been printed,” said a Chicago "imes reporter a few days avo, whon a group wers talking about ola-timo political matters, 1 wrote it at the time, but in the great excite- ment of a presidential convention and the miass of matter tho paper had w print daily this little speech ot lost in the shufile, “It was at the time of the big republican convention here,” continued the reporter, “when the gallant 506 stuck 5o nobly — to. Grant, and Mr. Garfield was so suddenly ominatod. ~ You well remember it was ger. ally understood that Gurfield was to nom- inate Sherman, and the fact that Sherman was novnominated and Gacfield was led many people to hiut at treachery, Howevor that may be, we learued at the offce that Garfield was going to make his nomination L that night, and to save time, as it might be o long speceh and b late, 1 wus sent to se if I could gob itin advance, Well, I found Mr. Gariield at his — hotel and told him what ['wanted. His reply was dircet and to the point. “Lean’t do it, young man,’ said he, ‘and for the best reason in the world; I have o speech vrepared,’ “*Well, but, General,! said I, ‘you aro go- ine to speale tonights you must surely have out in your mind what vou are going to Sy Wou'L ¥ou give mo a synonsis of (L6 *"Now, what's tho use of talking! clatmed the goncral, throwing out his armg in an emphatic gesture. L have told you have no speceh preparcd; one can't show a buby before it is boru; my spoech is not bora e Kiie ex- . B SEEKING REVENGE. An insurance agont was trying to induce & bard man to deal with to take out u policy in his house, says tho San Francisco Exuminer, After listening to bim for an hour, whilo ho painted in vivid colors the extreme dunger of fire consuming the house, the hurd mau to deal with said: Do you really think that my house will ourn down iuside the time tuat the policy will run “Certainly,” repliod the insurance agent, “have [ uot boen trying all this time to con’ viuce you that I do.” SThe -, maid the haed man to deal with, *why Is Your company so anxious to bet me money that it will not Ihe agent was silentand thoughtful for a moment, then o drew the other apurt into an unfrequented place and whispered in bis ear My friend, I will impart to you u dark se cret. Years igo the company betruyed my sweetheart by promiso of mavriuge. Under wi assumed name T have wormed mysolf into its service for revonge, and us there is a awen above us I will have its heart's blood." . WILLIAM'S GOOD TIME, \ the Sunday evening train came into the Loug Isloud depot, Brooklyn, from Cunarsie, says the New York World, there wis i woman waiting for it. She had beon wauiting no rly an hour, and as sho waited she explained to those about her “Icume down to meet my Witliam. The poor man went C arsie 1o have a good time today. I train finally rolled in, und pretty soon two men eame leading a thivd between them iuto the station. He hud no hut or coat, both oyes were in mourning, and his nose four times 1o oiz, and ho looked like a man who ad been plaving with the fly-wheel of o (00« horsc-power ongine, Williim, i it you " asked she rush forwurd “Yes," he sighed, as be looked up L eatno to meet You. You have had a real good time, and L am 5o glad! Lot us go home, durling. Wh husban down o the wi ERTINENT rot in St PARIOT. Lous, entors und had better t want to'seo vou tll you're People wonder how the bird catchos on, explanation bs simple; it dossu't know Low to say anything else, and of course in I @ the remark to every mau it frequents 1y gots near hon One teman who called hought it was the lady of the houso speaks and vuskied out of the parlor. Sho sat 1 to write a note of explination to him, 1o her amuzoment a scevant brought frow the gentleman she was write ing i which he statea that he acknowls edged with numility that he had perhaps ta wine with his Jdiuuer, but had calling on her that she would not have detected it As 8 nhad done sc however, he offercd his most abject apologica | #ud & prayer for forgiveness, which ex« the roomy K0 away, over it but dow whi her u ug