Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, November 9, 1890, Page 14

THE LAST ROSES OF SUMMER | Ooncluding Effusions of the Funny Men Beforo Entering the Winter Campaign, SOPROWS NEVER DO COME SINGLY. | £o Reflected the Sad-Eyed Man—Ben Lomond Was Out — Merely Presumption—What He Needed Most. Brooklyn Life: Salvationist (stopping on the road) - Young man, are you ready to diet Juck —Look here, my friend, I'm entix unarn id hav'nt a cont Yew, It Never Would New York Sun: * Soud this car to the re- guir shop, " ordored the nspector What is wrong? *! ST notice that two of the windows open easily Have them attended to.” Why He Was hakespeare, New York Herald: Y not. like my good friend Shakespeare, ' h to his cutioner after he had inspected the instru- ment of death, “Why " asked the headsman grufiiy “Yoi provide for no intermissions between the ax.” They Never Come Singly. Somerville Journal: ** You_ seem to be afflicted with great sorvows,” remarked a thic stranger to the sad-eyed man ssponded the sad-eyed man; ‘* my s ave all little ones, 1 have just re- ceived a telegram annonneing twins,” Countr; resident (to away out of here, now, or if you don't I'tl whistle for my dog. Peddler—All right sir, but first won't you allow me tosell you a good whist He Was Ou Sunday School Chironicle: A young Lon doner went for a first visit to Scotland, and on his return boasted abundantly, He had ascended every mountain, and seen every thing of interest, A Scotehman in the com. pany asked with somethi @ mysterions brogzue, but very quietly ou “see Ben Lomond when you werd theret™” The boaster was taken aback by the question, but ho drew himself together and replied, 1 did not, I called on him but e was out.’” A Presumption. Chicago Tnter Ocean: “Dr. Pellet cured you. 1 understand " WYy “He's o homeopathist, T believe!” “Then you are sugar cured, T suppose?” i Puck: unt Mary—Poor Bess, does your tooth uche t If it were mine, dear, I'd have it out'at once, Bess-1f it were you would L w Needed Most. Washington 1 ST think,” said the editor in a worried tone, “that I will drop fournalism and take to astronomy.” “Whyt “Well, astronomers always seem to have more space than they kuow what to do with.” Well, Auntie, so Cards. New York Sun: “All ze world lofes ze loafer, Mees Bullion fore I have ze hope at you vill lofa me,’ said the count. “Oh, I'm not. particularly fond of loafers, }'uunl,” replied the young wompn significant- ly. A Bad Faipure. Judge: Staggers—Yes, sir; marviage is o failure with me. Snooper—Ah{ Staggers—Yes, siv; T was led to ‘believe that the girl T loved wias worth 10,000, After the ceremony I found she had only $100 in bank, Snooper—That 1s a bad failure, Just one cent on the dollar, wasn't it} The Failed Cro New York Weekly; Young Lady—How much is this ribbon_a yavdl ‘endollars, madam, and gomg up “minuts, Young Lady—Merey me! T didu't suppose it would bo over 50 cents. Clerk (with dignity)—That ribbon, madam, 18 peach color. A ComfyrtemFrom Ocrk. Life: “Why, Bridget, did my mamma have another husband before sho martied my papa " darlint, but he doied, yer see.” “Oh, Bridget, I'm so sorry inamma lost her husband ‘Faith an’ ye'd betther be glad, Bessie, 1f el he might have made yea cruel stip-feyther " He Loved Hor Still, Epoch: Peckley—My wifo wants to have aportrait in oil of her mother, but the old lady is aead and we have 1o likoness of her except this photograph. Could you make a ait from that Daubley—Oh, yes: T will promise to give you a speaking likeness. ll’:‘\'kll' Thatwon't do. Idon't want that nd. Not Exc ough for Her. Life: Colonel Greytop—Miss Uptown, T ‘would like to introduce an old friend of mine —a soldier—one of the Balaklava Six Hun- drea. Miss Uptown—One of the Six Hundred! 0, colonel, hadu't I better see mamma first. A Source of Gain, American Stationer: “Blobson,” said the aro twenty begging lot- Give them all a refusal.’ “Yos, sir, “You will mote that a 2-cent stamp is in- closed in each for an answer.” “Yes, sir.? “Well, answer them all on postals.” The Flush Made Him Flush. Jewelers' Circular: Gazley—Fledgely must be quite well off with the world's goods. Gazzum -I've never had that impression, ‘Why do you think sot Gazley—He showed mea handful of dia- monds last evening. Gazzum—Do you mean it} Gazley —Yes, 1 do; and he won the pot with them, Trusting Innocens Clothier and Furnisher: Mrs. Bingo—What do you expect to give your husband for Christmast Mrs, Honeymoon—T told him the other day 1 thought I would give him some neckties, Mrs. Bingo—And I heard him tell my busbund afterward that ho wouldu't - wear em. Mrs, Honeymoon—That's the worst of it. John thinks 50 much of the things I give him and is so careful of them, that I have the bardest kind of work to get them on him. A Wonderful Baby. Cape Cod Item. ‘papa,’ darling,” the mother cooed ; Tt openod its big eves bluo, With woudering look the visitor viewed, And crowed and said *g0o-g00," “Say ‘mamma,’ darling,” the mother cried : “Say ‘mamma,’ sweet one, do,” It tugied at the hair of its curly head And laughed and said *goo-goo.” “Now say ‘good-by,” and the mother smiled With joy that was pleasant to view: “Now say ‘good-by,’ and the winsome child Responded and sald *'goo-goo.” Then the mother embraced the little dear And kissed it again and n‘(nin. As she gurgingly sald, **did you ever hear A baby that talked so plain 1 A Muderate Repast. Somerville Journal: “You may bring me," said the gentleman from the country, who had wandered into the Parker house dining room under & misapprehension, and who had spent an apprebensive ten minutes in looking over the prices on the bill of fare, “you may bring & glass of water and a Mitle salt. D'y y got a dollur in my pocket, and 1 dou't t to live beyond my means.” No gor of Overcrowding, New York Weekly: Clerk—Anything else, madami Ican show you some greal barguins in hammocks, put down to half price on ac count of the lateness of the season. They are fine goods, double strength, and will come bandy next summer, you know. Fxperienced Matr the ordinary kind will do for my daughter next summer. She's 10 be married Christmas Local Prid Puck: “Where are all the promiuent citi zens this morning!" asked » tourist of the landlord of the Oklahoma house, 1 dunno, persizely,” was the reply. *‘You see, lust night the boys t a hoss thief out | 1o the tree where they allus hang ‘em, an' lo and behold! they found a new-comer had cut it down I'he hoss thief DN d to know who dono it, They're after him now, the hoss thief leadin’ the pursuit. He's got a hoap uv local pride, even if he does st If they %etch the feller, they'll be apt to string him up an’ turn the hoss thief loose, We air a people who like to urage public spivit - it Pure, chaste, rich cut glass is more fnd e and for ornament, Dor flinger's American cut glass stands unrivaled at home or abroad, Every pece has their trade-mark label. Enquire for it of dealel D Birneys nose und throat, Bee bldg. plibitadieny CONNUBIALITIE: The Utah spare-rib - the misfit wire, Charlie -1 will die for you, my darling. Will you be my wifet Clara—Get your life insured before you die, and I guess its a go. Grindstone--Isn't it strange that Flodger has married that deaf mute! Kiljorday—Not 50 very strange, She's his third, you know. The wife of Rev. William Howland of Passaic N, J. has obtained divorce from him because she preferred soclety to religious Work (Groom—A ring around the moon is the sign of rai Bride (sweetly) —And a ring around a woman's finger is the sign of—" Groom (sadly)—Reign, ve a beautiful wife” “You hu “What! Have you scen her!" H er saw an ugly man married yet who didn’t get the pick of the flock.” Prof. Charles W. Fleming of Pittsburg was recently married to Miss Blanche Lynn in the saie room with the eorpse of the bride’s father, s was according to the wishes of the deceased. In her suit for separation from her hus- band, begun in a Brooklyn court, Mrs. Anuie s as th ise that her husband grinds his teeth in his sleep, und that the sound is ruiuing her nerves omas Bissell and wife separated nearly twenty years in Mic Al The other day Mrs. Bissell went to Hannibal, Mo., where she met her husband and now they are living together again. Friend—You have only been married a week and-here I ind you in tears, Young Wife--Yes, but my husband has been run ning for ofti id I have been reading in mn‘ papers what an unmitigated scoundrel he is, Married persons live longer than single ones, and the tall have a better chance for long life than those of short e Women have more chances of long life in their favor previous to fifty years of age than men bave, but fewer afterward., ph - Andersen, a printer, was to have rried Bertha Cloud the other d at avenworth, K . but there was a hitch in of the license and he fatally shot bimself on the day before the wedding wus to hs ta 3 A new local law has been enforced at Hardanger, in Noway. to the effect that no girl shall be eligible for the marrage state untii she is proficient in_spinning, knitting and bakin, This might dismay some of the most “eligible” of modern society, Mrs, Livermore says that her husband is a republican, while she is a prohibitionist; he is a projectionist, while she is a free traders he ba$ apew iv one church, and she in an- other: ke has one doctor, she another; and 'y are bappy and havmonious, and arrveling. sung man of Blackwater 'y Miss Cora y and 1son 10 have the voung lady’s b r {oized her at the churen door, carried her OfF and locked her up. The lover followed, col- fri d the obstreperous brother-in-law. roleased. the giel and. whilo the crowd held him Caton took his sweetheart to a justice shop where they were made one. If. as has been estiwated, the population of the United States is twelve times as great as thac of the Dominion, it will be seen that the divorce ratio is immensely greater heve than there, due, no doubt, to the systems of the two countries and to the higher estimate ple y our northern neighbors on the in- violability of the tic than we do. While the population of the two count is as twelve 10 one, tke divorces are as 2,700 to one. In 1837 Wil ist, who had prev ously married a d of a St ‘l.nuh banker, went to Europe, leaving his wife in New Yorl time Mrs, Nast returned to St. Louis with her fhree children and mourned_her husband as dead. On October 1she was surprised to receive a letter rrom him al, explaining his absenco and a 2 reconcilintion, which was grauted, and the two met in Chicago the other day for the first timo in thirteen years. Mr. Nast while in_Burope secured coitrol of the largest paper mill on the continent. s s Lo Dr. Bivney cures catareh, Bee bldg The prettiest sight in the world is a_pretty woman®s feet in Jersey Lily boots, and since Dr. Bull's Cough Syrup cures all sorts of eolds and costs but 25 cents, all women can wear them, The earth moves,—Evidence, you can buy a first-class liniment, Sulvation Oil, for cents, Dr. Birney, nosc and throat, Bee bldg koW RS IMPIETIES, Speaking of miracles, the speaker who “sets the table u a roar’’ is no small nuts, ““What shall we do to be saved " asked the campmeeting orator, fervidly. Seems to meas if wo'd oughter git 10st fust,” said a prosaic man in the audience, Atlanta Constitution: Book agent to editor—Can 1 sell you our new book, “Thoughts on the Hereafter? Editor—No use for it; my desk is jam up to the steam heater. Judging by the effect produced by wor- shipping his especial art, Isaak Waltou might have been the God of Lies, 1 rather commend the McKinley bill,” said the church treasurer, “Ido not find nearly so many pearl buttons in the plate as T used to." S0 many more babies than grown folks go to heaven that we imagine a groat part of the singing done up there must be in getting them to sleep. 0, suld Mr. Whitechoker, after tho re- vival, “this curing of sinners s, strange to suy, 1o sinner-cure,” Ihad a peop in Paradise last night, And there I saw, all clad in gorgeous yel- lows, The only remuant of our choir bright, The lad—the little, one—who worked the bellows. The colored pressman in a newspaper ofice at Houston, Ga., claims to be well posted on bible subjects. One of its precepts he ren- ders as follows: *1f your brother smote you on one side of the jaw, turn the other side to be smoted, and the third blow is yourn.” A little less nolse, please,” suggested the snperintendent, stoppiug, as’ he passed down the aisle. *“There is too much levity in this class.” “We are studying Leviticus," ex- plained one of the boy “Be met druuken with wine, wherein i excess,” said the clergyman to the top “Iaint, sir,”? replied the soak; “I never drwnk anything but beer and whisky.” — Dr. Birney cures \.mm b, Bee bldg. The Egyptian Way. Now and then an oficer in the Egyp- tian army mysteriously disappears and is heard of no more. It issome captain, major or colonel who has served a your or so without 'm\. and who begins to in quire when the” paymaster is to arrive, That M,gll(m him at once and forever, — Dr. Birney, nose and throat, Bee bldg — Will Take a Vacation. A Japanese author has just finished a n_ steadily at ) 3 and 18 5000 18 proofs have been corrected he pro- poses to run over to Kio-Fio for two or. three days and see his uncle and take a little vucation. Bugene Field in Pittsburg Bulletin: Omee upon a time there lived in the beautiful city of Denvera certain gentle- Judge. All over the state of Colorado and elsewhore, too, the judge was famed for his goodness and his learning. In | fact, he was so good and so learned that me Christmas-eve Santa Claus came and brought him u sweet little haby son. The judge was very proud. ST will rear this little son tobe a good and great jurist,” smad he, “and when [ am old and fechle he will be the staff and comfort of my age.” One of the first things “Judge Toll did was to hire n nurse to tnke care of the pretty little boy, for it so happened, adly enough, that the baby's mother 5 1ot strong enough to carry the baby and amuse it all the time. The nurse was a kindly old lady, who had lived away down in the far east, where there w many baby girls and some baby bo, she knew about babies and just how to take care of them., “This baby was very fond of his nu and he would lie in her lap and admire her antique style of architecture, or would pat her wrinkledl cheeks and coo the sweetest baby music imaginable. This made Judge Toll very happy. “How handsome the baby is,” he would say to himself, *“‘and what a great jurist he will become!”’ But one ¢ the old nurse me to the judge and sald: **We must do something for the baby.” The judge was vastly astonished. “You surely do not ‘mean to tell me that the baby is sick?” he exclaimed, *No, not exactly sick,” said the old nurse, “‘but he needs toning up. He is fat and strong and contented, but theve is a kind of look in his eyes that tells me that he needs a tonic.” **Then we will call the doctor. “Thereis no need of that,” protested the old nurse. “The doctor would laugh at you,and say that the baby was all right. But 1 ‘know just as well as I know anything that the child needs toning \l]r‘ . then, what shall it be?” asked Judge '".»n “Pavegoric, squills, castor oil, hive syrup, belladona? **None of thew answered the old nurse, “for they are all drugs, and the baby doesn’t need drugs. What he needs is toning The judge said nothing,—he did not know what to sa, Of law, of politics, of mining, of literature, and of other worldly things he knew much, but of baby tonics he knew simply nothing. **What the baby needs is catrip tes d the old nurse, othing will tone up a baby's system like catnip tes Down in Vermont an’ Maine an’ Mass™ chusetts they always bring up their babies on catnip tea, an’that’s why their babi make such smart men an’ women, “But T thought catnip was something cats eat,” interposed the judge. “Law me, an’ so itis,” said the old nurse, “‘but it's just as likely living for folks. Why, there’s nothin’ in the world that'll tone up aweak system like abowl of strong catnip tea. I hate to see this blessed child pinin’ for what'd be the makin® of him.” I know nothing about it at all id Judge Toll, “*but if you say that the [ Is eatnip, T will get some for him. Judge Toll went all over town after catnip—into every drug store, every gro- s office, but not a sprig of it could he find anywhere, “You will have to send east for it,’ he druggists said —*'it doesn’t grow out » there in Colorado. “Then send east for it T willl” cried Judge Toll. And so he did. That very night he wrote to a colleve friend in Massachusetts, informing him of his dilemma and asking him to send forth- with a goodly supply of catnip, no mat- ter how much it cost! Well, in about three weeks’ time,there came along n large express package from the east, and when the judge opened it he found that it contained forty-nine bunches of green catnip. Oh! how fresh and fragrant they were, and how their green leaves and assertive odors took one back across the arid plains and muddy rivers to the forny wild woods of dear old Yankeeland! *The baby shall have catnip tea three times a day now!” eried the judge. “Here's enough to last a year,” said the old nurse *I11 tell you what we’lldo—we’ll plant some of those bunches in the yard, an’ whenever we need a few leaves for a tea we can step out and pluck them. So we will have an ever sin’ suppl, “That's a good plan,” said the judee, **We will plant these healing herbs at onee and they shall beautify and perfume our premises.” That afternoon Judge Toll planted the catnip herb in pretty rows in the front yard, and theveafter cavefully irri- gated them every morning and evening. It was surprising how soon the plants took root,and in less than seven day were as flourishing in their adopted soil as they would have been on the hills of Vermont, Whenever the old nurse wanted to make a tea she stepped out into the yard and nluclwd a few catnip leaves, steeped them in hot water, and there if was as natural a cat- nip tea us ever simmered on a stove or trickled down a ebaby’s throat. The catnip bushes meanwhile thrived and shot out [resh s\n'igs and leaves, and their fragrance filled the air for a great distance, Unecle Seth Cooley, who lived on Capi- tol Hill, one morning hobbled down to the toll place and leaned over the fence and d tenderly at the thrifty herb, “Jest as ral as ever,” said Unecl) Seth, slowly and sadly, u$ his nostrils dilated. *“Jest us nat'val as when Mitty an’ 1 used to go hucklel 0’ in the medder, near the plum trées, out in Pelham. Suy, jedge, you wouldn’t mind_ givin’ ‘me” a bookay on ‘em, would ye? I'd kind o’ like to smell ‘em and take 'em home to Mitty.” ‘\xul old Mprs. Baxter came over from Evans’ Ad- dition, and begged a ‘bookay,’ too, She cried softly Over the coarse, green leaves, as if the sight of them u\\'ulu-nml memories of the time when old Uncle Dan’l and she started out in life together n a little frame cottage **at Dummers- ton, on the West river, just six ‘miles f'm Brattleborc Oh, yes, the Yankee folk came from all parts % [the city of Denver to see that wonderful front yard, to pluck the catnip leaves and tell mar: vellous stories of the cures the herb had effected, And all this time the rows of catnip kept growing and growing and growing, and the fragrance went up, and was wafted hither and thither by the breezes. Away up on top of a very high moun- tain near llh-l Norte, there lived an old Maltese cat, the maternal ancestor of many generations of her species. She had come across the plains ina prairie schooner in 1859 with, a party of emi- grants, and now she 1ived 15 Ahe: b pitable loft of the stable nearest the summit of an jmposing paak, not far from Del Norte, One night this old Mal- tose cat was traversing the ridgepole of the stable, when she was brought to a sudden standstill by the breeze blowing from the northeast. “Wee-ow-ow!” exclaimed the ola Mal- llu:u feline; and her eyes glittered 1 of the name of Toll, and he was a | strangely, her il bogan to expand, and her venerable fur rose on her back. ‘Why, gran‘ma,* fnquired one of the sts, a fomure malden tabbie of ain age, “why, gran’'ma, what ails n replied the old Maltese at again. “Wee-ow-ow! [ smell cat- nip! Now the other cats heard about catnip, but had never seen any. The tales which the Maltese cat had told about her experionces with the favorite weed before o left her kittenhood home in Maine had been handed around among the other cats of Colorado as quaint legends. All the other cats had heard tell of the subtle gloviesof catnip, but none had ever beheld or even whiffed the grateful herb, “Where?"asked twenty young cats in chorus, YO, I don’t know,” replied the old Maltese cat, *“*but T can smell it, and I'm going to follow up the trail until T find it » “With these portentous words the old Maltese cat whisked her tail, gave a wild “*Wee-ow™ and stavted on a run for Denver, 300 miles away. “Wee-ow-ow!" cried the other cats— and thekittens, too—and off they started for Denver, giving the old Maltese u hot race over hill and valley, peak and plain, mead and wold. The word was passed acound, and the cry went up he nd there like wildfiv “Catnip! o catnip! We're goin to get some catnip!” The tidings reached Alamosa, and ran along the whole of the mountain range of Colorado. The sitement was intense—cats hurried fr every house, cabin, barn, stable, s and mine, and joined the vast procession. Bvery city, town, hamlet and camp was instantly deserted by its cat population —such a yowling had nevef before been rd, such a scething army of cats had never been seel The miner in his hut, hearing the awful rush, ng from his cotand cried: *‘The lide! the snow-slid! Run for your But it was only the cats on the gallop to Denver. Oh! it was a prodigious spectale, and the old Maltese catled the van! Judge Toll was dreaming pleasant dreams that night, when he was awal ened therefrom by a din which threw him into a cold sweat. He crawled out of his bed, slipped anxiously into his trousers, seized his faithful shotgun, and stole softly to the window, The strange > scemed to come from the front yard—yes, from tho rows of catnip bushes, Then the judge peered out_of the win- dow, and what do you think he saw? Myvriads of cats--billows of cats! Cats of ever, e, weight, color, sex, cond |mn and descr! iption--black cats, white , Maltese cats, tortoise-shell cats 1..- ndle cats, spotted cats, brown cats, yellow cats, mauv s, long cats, short ¢ i cats, stump-tailed one-enre s, wall-eyed 3 egged cats, mamma cats, papa and _kitten h, yes, kittens, of ad without number! And Yy were in Judge Toll’s tront yard, , among and on he row of catnip bushes,-- purring, sprawling, yowling, like so muny demons. sald the old, way-back Mal- tese cat, all the way from Del Norte r-r! oh! isn’t this lovely? Tt's the first catnip I've had in going on twenty- five years—pur ! I thank heaven that T have lived to see this grateful fruit introduced ‘into the Rocky moun- tain region!” Ana then all the other cats, there must have beena million of them, purred in chorus so loud that it sounded like an awful, lingering peal of thunder, But this was not all. Oh, no! By the bright moonlight Judge Toll could see myriads and myriads of other cats surging down from the mountain ranges, and through the valleys and over the plains—{rom Georgetown, Salida, Idaho, Golden, Boulder, Crested Butte, Tincup,San Juan, Pueblo, Cucharas, Buena Vista, Conejos, Durango, Manitou, Leadville, Ouray, Huerfano, Kolkon Monument, Rosita, Sagauche and Trinidad—the foothills were alive with cats,the mountain peaks swarmed with cats, and cats, e swept along like a whirling tor ward one focal point, Judge Toll’s'catnip bed. Andlo! the cats were coming from other directions, too—from the arid }vluin:« of Kangas and from Deer Tranl, vom Monotony Water Tank and from the dreary confines of Nebraska,—the breeze blowing from the north brought the noise of vast armies of cats on their way from mie and Cheyenne, Tha cats already in the judge’s front yard,—how they uurn-d:lm{ writhed and yowled, and how the sparks of electricity shot from their furry backs as the) rubbedaffectionately up agains the rows of catnip! It was in fact, a carnivall—a cat saturnalial The judge said to himself, *T will shoot in among all these trespassers, and dvive them away, What to de vastate my beauteous e But then came the second better thought. Would it not be cruel to de- prive these creatures of the long-denied pleasure they were now enjoying in the catnip bed? None of them, save the old Maltese, had ever before seen or tasted the precious herb,—they knew of it only from the legendry lore with which the old way back Maltese cat had regaled them, their fathers, theirmothers, their grandmothers, their grandfathers, and 80 on ad infinitum, And the more Judge Toll thought it over, the more he became satisfied that ho ought,in all humanity, to let the cats stay and enjoy the catnip. So at last he went back to his bed and renewed his slumber as best he could. When he got up next morning and looked into his front yard, not a cat was to be seen, nor yet a vestige of the cat- nip either. The, turf was widely rent and torn up; und every leaf, twig, sprig and root of catnip had” disappeaved. It was conjectured that the cats took it all away with them. They must have had a terrible battleoyer the remnants of the feast, for here and there on the (lusrnilm\ turf lay eyes and ears, and bits of tails and tufts of fur—silent but eloguent evi- dences of the lust tragic scene of all. e The coal mining. industries of Trinidad, Col., aro somethiug, really wonderful. The mumunre what_ave commonly called the ide-hili mine’? 5o frequently found in Penn- sylvanis and other mountain mining regions. There are three veins of coal, the upper one seven to twelve feet thick, and so easily mined that the miners at 50c per ton fre- auently make to exceed $100 per month, The leading operator there said that the timo was likely to come when coal would be put aboard the car at Trinidad at 75 cents per ton, and leave a handsome profit to the mine operator, For full information address Trinidad Land and Improvement Co., Trimdad, Col. e Dr. Birney cures caturrh, Bee bldg A Veteran of the Black Hawk War. Ta., Nov fo Editor of Tuk Isaw & statement in T NoAY Big of Nov. 2 that Gideon L. Hace, the last sur- vivor of the Black Hawk war, was deaa. I wish to correct this as my grandfather, Louis Gay, aged S8 years, is still ving in Sawan, Callfornia. He was a soldier in the Black Hawk war, MAUDR ROBERTE, i Frequently accidents occur in the house- hold wh use burns, cuts, sprains and for use in such cases Dr. J. H. M- Liniment has for many been the constant favorite family remedy, e Dr, Birney, nose and throat, Bee bldg. Plante Beatrice WHAT WILL DO Produces a Beautiful Complexion. Whitens a Sallow Skin. Removes Moth and Liv £ Spois Prevents Sunburn and Tan, To Travelers It Is Indissensable, Keeps the Skin per‘ect in any Climate PLANTA BEATRICE, PER JAR #1.2 FLESH WORM PAST Skin Refiner and Pimple Remover. Wil refine & COARSE, ROUGH, POROUS SKIN. a sltive cure for PIMILES, eruptions. and entirely ves that dissgreenblo REDNESS with which so areaficted. Per jar, $1.50. These goods are absolutely PUREand HARMLKSS and can be obtainad at the following representative arogeist Leslte & Leslie, 16th and Dodge Stre Kuhn & Co. rner h and Do Jus streets, and North 24th andt Belt Lin J.A. Fuller & Co., 102 Douglas street. Wholesalo Agents: Richardson Drug Co., 107 and 1011 Jones street. Or of Sole Manufacturers, London Toilet Bazar Co,, 38 and 40 West 23d St., New York. Wilole D, st 17th St Treatiso sve addr OF sent (0 any address on recelpt of 4 cts FOR LADIES’ SHOES POLISH. Try one bottle and vou will use no other polish for your Shoes. HOnly Shoe Dressing over awarded a silver flnedal. \R(, and INCANDESCENT Isolated Electric Light Plants, (The U.S. System.) Electric Motors and Generators. Write for prices and estimates. .M. HUMPHREY, Agent, New York Life Building Ov SOMETHING NEW-$1.00 an hour o o mude by Agents, male or female ploand full partioulgrs tree.” CAS ASHLL. Lockport Drs.Betts kBaits Physicians, Surgeons fl!lrl_bpeual' 1S The most widely and fa u--mll;, Kknown spec- falists in the United States. Their 1 perience, remarkable skill a cess in the treatment and cur nio and al Diseases, inent ph, 18 10 the full confidency the afiilet ATy Thoy e A CER N AN STV E the awful eff ly viee and the numer- ous evils that follow in its train, PRIVATE, BLOOD AND SKIN D speedily, completely and permanent d. NERVOUS DEBIL Y AND BEXUALDT ORDERS yield readily to their skillful treat- ment. PILES, FISTULA AND RECTAL ULCERS guaranteed cured without pafn o detention from busi WY DROCELE nently and su SYPHILIS, mate Sen: inal Night Emissions, De Weakness and all d toelther sex positively cured, functional disorders that res ful follies or the excess ot e STRICTURE Guaranteed p < oured, remov caustio or dila home by patient without a mo- vunm annoyance. TO'YOUNG AND MIDDLE-AGED MEN, A SURE CURE 2, e8! wiion teings organie weakness, destroying both with all it§ dreaded 1lls, perma cured. ) YITS Address those who have i DRS, BETTS JiStidutisaivis "y prover and solitary habits, whi Tuin b Vody, uniitting them for business, # rrl nge MARRIED § < on that nappy life, wareof physical debility, qujckly assisted. OUR SUCCHE:S 1s based u s, First—P 1 exper ence, S ory case 18 speciully studie thus’ starting right. Third—Medicines aro ared fn our laboratory exuctly to suit thus offecting cares without injury, Drs Betts & Betts, 1409 DOUGLAS STREET, - - OMAHA NEB D&.E.C. WESTS NERVE AND BRAIN TREATMENT. Specine for Hysterla, Dirsinges Fit Newrag, Wake Ues, Mental Depréssion, Kortening of the Brain, e Kuling Ui Insanity and. Jeading o ecay wnd fioath: Premature “Old A s of Towo ineithor sex, Involuniar Hpermator Chised by overexertion of the' brain, self-abu e, Ech hox contains one mont's treat. G, et by i, eath ‘oriar, For'six boxed, Wil dent o (9 refund money 1t the treatment uarantecs Tssued and genuine soid only b GOODMAN DRUG CO. 1110 Farnam StTeet, Omaha. rw The largest Estal World for the treatn H Eczemn, Mole Warts, Mair, Birimarke les, W rinkies, i Tied Vein. Oily Bk A«nr,l‘lmplel Blackheads, Barber Pittings Powder Mark Velopent, Bunken Chetkn. ot suliation freewt ofice oF by lette page book on all #kin and ecalp affections and their treatment sent sealed to any i 10r 10 cls OHN T WOODIUR Y, Dermutoiogive mail, 50 =y by Pucks Fata ’RA SHIONS FOR SALE IN OMAHUA BY CHASE & EDDY "™ l Booksellers, Stationers, Engravers and Printes NG EXPERIMENTS! IMMEDIATE STRENGTH! THE DE GROOT 1s lome!mn! absolutely new m medicine, a perfect littls wonder, p Obaiinate cases of Loat or Failing Power, Ner without troubleor ate Increasing from day fo day o SES ARE restore the parts to full health and strength. IN LOST OR For men, who feel that their virile strength isdecreasing, this electrl- Reaching, a8 it does, the very fountain of 1 18 qualed, FAILING POWER iianly vigor, it soon restorcs the Joeal nerves and muscles (o foll poyer. No matter how many times you may have failed heretofore, you may employ this little strument with the certainty of success, IN EXHAUSTION should mever give up hope until th value to all who are weak, nervous or debilitated, A WONDERFUL INVENTION for those compelled to vwear artificial teeth. No mora feeling that your mouth is too full, being embarrassed while talking or singing on account of a thick clumsy plate, We are now making a vuleanite plate known to the dental pro= fession as the MORRIS' THIN ELASTIC DENTAL PLATE, as thin as paper, elastic as whalebons, and tough as leather, thickness all over the roof of the plate, the ridges or the roof of the mouth appearing on the tongue side of the plate, making a natural feeling to the tongue. such a plate as if your natural teeth were all in. speakers and singers should have. NO CURER! Seventeen yen the greatest success all , Lot Manhood, Ser Diseases of e Biood, Skin and Urinary Oraa; tocure, Consultation fres. Hook (¥ . . 0 12 . 3 FRENGH SPEGIFIG U 3 Aaure o) B flmt. For 8. o ly All t: on the part of the pe; n i 80 plain and conutruction that anyoue can apply it.” Tts effects are almost ntaneous, and the good results 0T POSSIBLE becauso it retains it power for years, and anyor feeling the slightest weakness can at once apply it and quickly cut short any evil tendency aud The constant current of galvanism flowing directly th nerves aflccted, stimulates and strengthens th NERVOUS DEBILITYE™ !m”:w g ||'|'\| ates and strengthens th prevents the constant drain and flow of vital fluid which so we IN BlADDER DISEASES Ferns baving Inflammation of the Madder, Painful Urins- tion, G Enlarged Prostate Gland, ¢ ! y Vi d the Regenerator. piints {5 marvelous, a5 the many testimonials tu our possesiion Very plainly show. VARICOCELE cured easily and painlessly by our new method, IN HEADACHES, NEURALGIA, SCIATICA, RHEUMATISM, and all painful Nervous Af. fections, the Lunl]\- current which flows from' the ltegalnrn!nl‘ is truly a natural Tt iscasily applied toany affected part, and its results are almost instantaneons, THE REGENERATOR RECOMMENDS ITSELF! upon the recommendations of grateful and plensed andare willing to acknowledge its merits. SEND 82 And {7 1t 18 1OE exNCHY & Topresehted, vou ean hve YOt Toney backs for o ¢ plenty of customers, MEN OTHERWISE SOUND who find their powir lost or declining, Wil find in this appliance a most usefl and worthy 11t he seminal vesicles and ducts, Its action in such ¢ We depend for the extension atients who have used the and getone of these little M instrument, aud it will pro ©°Wo number among patients Doctors, Lawyers, Judges, Congressmen, hants. SBENT POST-PAID. SECURELY SEALED, UPON RECEIPT OF PRICE, $2. Descriptive Circular FREE on application, THE DECROOT ELECTRIC COMPANY,GG Liherty St., NEW YORK: irregularities of Youcan talk as well with Just what public The cost of muking these plates is but a trifle more than the usual rubber plates, Dr, Bailey, The Denust AND EXAMIN E SPECIMENS OFFICE: PAXTON BLOCK, OMAHA. NO PAY. DrDOWNS 1818 Douglas Street, Omaha, Neb. orios of Life) 3o Office bours—9 . b/