Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, July 13, 1890, Page 11

~ e uillingTess 10 be directed and governed by [HE SERVANT GIRL PROBLEM. | 18 to her kit How Housekeeping Promises to Be Con- ducted in the Future, | deeds or words: THE ADVANTAGES OF ORGANIZATION, A System Under Which Kiteh Swells, Waste and Hired Girls Will Become Things of the Painful Past en real ing and in The unc ity; perplexity, and e Qistress that surround the houseker homekeeping of today, are temporary their nature, and are due mainly to the fact that we arein a transition period, writes Helen Ekin Starrett. The eco law of the or anization of labor 8 rap extending its workings into every department of the world's work, and is at present particulurly active in the direction of what we have been sccustomed to regard as the domestic indus- tries, As is usually the case, the first effects of the operation of this law are confusion and destruction, while the old is ng disintegrated and abolished to muke for the new. But to those whose experience and observation of life are deep enough and broad gh to cnable then to pereeive that our | sent confusion is only a part of the gen- al evolutionary process everywhere at work in society, the futureof the domestic arrangements of the home is full of hope and promise. First, as to servants, However numerous the causes od for tho diffculties of housekeeping, all agree that the principal dif ficulty is found in the incompetence, insubor. dination, and irresponsibility of that class whom we name domestics, The ve that we denominate them by the words " and “servants,” gives the key to the fundumental difficulty. The man or woman who expects that in any country where edu- cation and opportunity are free to all, and in- telligent and compeyent workers will' be con- tent to remain in o class, and that class a stig- matized one, expects in vain, It is singular how widespread, even among good and intel- ligent people, is the disposition to grow indig- nant over a statement of this kind. With flushing cheeks and clevated voices they will declare such a principle to be wholly wrong; that domestic work in the household is just as honorable as any other kindof work: and that the young woman who has her own living to eari, and who is not willing to earn it by go- ing into a good home and doing the cooking or laundry work or ‘“second work” for a good, kind, respectable family rves to starve. They will adduce the' fact that the young man who has his living to earn does not hesitute at beginning as oftice bov,sweep- ing floors, kindling fires, and performing all the menial work pertaining to such a posi tion. ‘he answer to ull this is the facts in the cas 0 matter who isto blame; no matte much_ socicty is denounced for making such_distinctions; we all know that tostart as office boy affixes no stigma, nor does itin any way bar the upward prog of the youth toward the possible ultimate gonl of partnership in the firm: while the title or occupution of “servant girl is a bar sinister which no intelligence or faithful per- formance of duty can ever remove—at least it cannot in the present constitution of so- oty. People who discuss this singular fact il assert that it is not in the nature of the work performed that the difference lies, the offic v's work being just as menial and disagrrecable as that of the kitchen girl matter where the difference li and why it lies, the writer hoj this paper—the facts are stubborn d to parents who have sons and daughte parent, how vho says, *“M shall, if necessary, begin on the lowest round of the ladder and_learn and ‘work up’ in a gular business,” is regarded as sen- ble and judicious; the parent, however poor, who should say concerning a bright, intelli- gent daughter, “My daughter shall begin her cureer iu life by preparing herself to be a first-class cook, since such a proparation will always insure her good wages in a good home,” would be set down as a “crank,” if not something worse, But what are the difficulties with those al- ready engaged in domestic service—the great class of foreigners who haunt our kitchens! Principally two. First, they do not kaow how to perform properly the work now re- quired in our homes um,nwondl{ they, as o class, cannot or will not be taught. Their utter irresponsibility, their general indiffer- ence about retaining their places, the inipos- sibility of holding them by auy contract and consequently of enforcing any rules or disci- pline, the usual entive separation of their in- terests from those of their employers, all com- bine to make them a foreign and disintegrat- ing element in family life. It is mere waste of words to say that if mistress only knew how to instruct and direct household Servants the dificulty would be overcome. Those among mistresses who have the most difii- nlty and whose experience is the most di couraging, ave those who know exactly bo to perform all the operations of household swork themselves, and who are willing to spend time and strength in teaching their servants how to do these things, if teaching once or twice or even a dozen times were the end of it. But it has passed into a proverh amor ever mistresses, that just as they ve succeeded in training a scrvant to po m her work in a satisfactory manner, she either marries or goes off for “higher wage and easier or perhaps for move systematized and speclulized work. Her favorite time for wing without notice is just after she has id in full till date; and the mistress in a generous moment thus settled the wages account, leaving the question of broken china and bric-a-brac for future con- sideration, most frequently finds herself, without rédress,left to take & new recruit und \cilo herself to the loss of china as best she may. It may throw light even upon this discou; aging aspect, to observe that there are cond tions under which these dificulties are met and overcome even in domesti These conditions are found where tie labor is employed on a_large scale, org ized and systematized ; and, paradoxical as it may appear, nearly wll domestic servants prefer to work in an organization, It is a well known fact that hotels and institutions of all kinds where the work is specialized and systematized, can obtain domestics with far less dificulty and for less wages, and can control them With far more success than the private family. This is only an illustration of the fact that domestic servants aveim- sed and influenced by the spirit of the which rebels aguinst’ submission to the dictates of the Individual will, but submits freely to the despotism of an organization, In u largo part the insubordination of domes- tic servants avises from a growing feeling of assi 0 individual Aud lastly, in so far as the dificulties lic on the siae of domestic servants, the conditions of the work ave not in accordance with developing human nature Human nature loves to work in company, in sympathetic companionship. The domestie servant is a solitary worker, without such__companiouship during her hours of toil, Whatever interes he has, lie in a wholly different direction from those of her employer, To hurry through her work, soas toget off and join companions of her OWnD cluss, seems to be increasingly the mo- tive of the modern domestic servant; and hence iso oll the difficulties and out “days out,” and evenings spent the mistress kuows not where. All attempts to enforce rules about hours and times and seusons, usually end in an informal parting between mistress and maid, the nistress almost :lwuyn in such an issue coming out second est. Andon the part of the mistresses of the homes of today, where do the chief dificulties let First, in the fact that modern social life makes s0 many demands upon educated ‘women—most of them in the direction of re- fined social pleasures or of associations for intellectual ‘improvement or for beneficent and philanthropic work—that the time neges- sary to supervise the kitchen and the Ser- vants of today cannot be given without an almost entire relinguishment of the pleasures and benefits of refined and educated social life. If the housekeeper of today have little children, her task is already more than any but those of the strongest physique can en- dure. The caroand nurture and training of little children is an oceupation that shoul: varied ouly by recreation and unfatiguing, congenial work, uncomplicated with uny care that is distracting and distressing. The farthiest wlmmmwrmmmd’umhu[ | itself. is a [ could be | good and respectable. H | the domestic serv THE OMAHA DAILY BEE. SUNDAY, JU Y 13, 1800—-SIXTEEN PAGES that of the mother of young -ildven whose care and labor for her chil- dren is complicated with the care of incompe- tent and wasteful servants: whose daily vis- n send her back to hev chil- dren disturbed and distressed oy the sight of disorder, uncleanliness, waste and destruction which shie is _powerless to remedy either by deeds being impossible, and words uscless or worse than useless, Letus not fail to note the fact that neither mistresses of households nor domestic serv- ants are to blame for the present inharmo- niousness of the relation of mistress and servant. Tn the present condition of home life this fubarmony inheres in the relation favorite theory with and observers upon prosent, difficult conditions is superfic s this subject, that th could be emedied if domestic ser elevated and domestic workors be 1and treoted as members of the fam- ily. Al such theorists ignore the fundumen- til diffeulty that the home is the most exclu- institution in the world —the happier and refined, the more exclusive. It cannot rvate the permanent familine intrusion into its daily life of anyone, no matter how 1sholds muy recog nize and admit the fact that those who per- form household service for them are just as good und perhaps better than their own mem. bers, but that is not the question. Nobody is wanted as “one of the family,” and to fecl that the housekuoper or domestic belper ex pects to be admitted into the sanctuary of the family sitting-r ome a_inember of the group that surrounds the family table, is to realize the cternal inharmony of the proposed relation. On the other haud, con- siderin, question from the standpoint of nt, it is this very isolation the life of the home, ment of individual fack of associ- in the - that causes the iuseparable aking household to the question, so usked, why American girls will take work in shops and stores and manufactories of ull kinds, where they will endure all manner of ships and liveon the barest pittance of s rather than go into comfortable, shel , domestic service, Human nature not ns for companionship in toil—y even in misery—but it longs also for” ab- solute freedom from dictation and command, as also for freedom from the yoke of toil, at stated periods. 14 is true that those who work in organi s usually work harder and have their liberty mueh move despotically alridged duving theiv hours of labor domestic servant; but the work wea and discomfort are shar fellow-workers, and in_ this s a divinely ordained alleviation consolation, whilé the despotism that them ccases absolutely with the close of working hours, and then i libert or advice after the 15 of organ- Hm, or to b fr abric the others and separation coupled with iberty and ation with of toil, dislike to unde This is the answ than and by ized lubor mental desives of human natur of life and progress can eve: contravenes them, Emerson, in his ¢ eignty of Ethics," says that “‘the in ties are always sapping the foundations of very fustitution built upon o wrong.” Once recognize the fact that our present system of domestic service is_fundamentally wrong, wholly opposed to the spirit and law of de- velopment of our ization; that its founda- tion 18 a system of serfdom which of necessity crumbles in the airof liberty and opportunit shall begin to perciive from what fof must come, and learn hoy y ing foundations for the structure of that most precious of humun institutions, the home. How then can it be that the future of houselceeping in the 2 wn home presents any encouraging Its improvement and final perfection are coming about through the progress of the organizition of domestic industry, und through radical changes in the methods’ und appliances of household work. In cities and villages the kitchen and cooking- stove and hired girl are all to be bunished from the Lome. In order to appr + what has already been done in, this direction, make a note of the numerous domestic indus- tries alveady transferred from the home to the organized institution outside of the home, Clothes-making, —soap-making, starch-making, laundry work, coffec-brown- ing, yesst-making, butter-making—all are gone.” Send after them—or rather say that organized industry is already taking along with these—the remaining worlk of cooking and cleaning. This state of things is coming as sure as fate; and when it comes the del erance will be 'so great that generations yet unborn shall rise up to bless the workings of this beneficent law. Of course an outery will at first be raised Dy those who have not sufficiently considered the subject against food cooked in quantity, and about the impossibility of conveying cooked food in prime condition into our louses. Those, however, who bhave knowl- edge of what can be uccomplished with appliances for delicate and scientific on u lurge scale, will not doubt that the best food, prepared 'from the best mate- rials in the best possible manner, can be set on the tables of all who live in cities, or even in villages of lurge s ;asonablo price and in & most inviting form, when once capital and science combine their f they will, to bring about the desir v'of the future will uot build houses in squares, giving to every house an individual prison ‘and prisqu-liké back yard. 1t will vather build them all around an open square, and the part now disfigured with the kitehen will be given over for a household sitting-room or nursery, opening into a great green space, where ehildren will play in safety, and through which the free wr of heaved will blow into the houses surrounding it. In every square will be found n scientifi cally constructed building containing a laun- dry and a great kitchen, supplied with every modern appliance for skilled and scientitic cookery, and also for_sending into every din- ing room any desired quantity or variety of food, The individuality of the home and the home table will bo preseryed, and the kitchen smells and waste and_*hived girl” will all be banished. O, how freely would thousands of house-mothers breathe under such an ar- rangement of things, and in how many thou- sands of families of moderate means would such an arrangement do away with the ne- cessity of any servant whatever! How would expenses be lessened, care abolished and peace and quiet and security reign, where be- fore was anxicty and disorder, and constant upheaval of the foundations of family life! Such an arrangement of domestic’ work would not interfere with certain convenient arrangements for varying the home table with special viands prepared at home. In these days of ornamental refrigerators, gas stoves wgenious and tasteful cooking utensils, many articles of food could be prevared by the home-mistress without the concomitants of kitcnen debris. Coffee, tea,chocolate,oume- lets, boiled eggs, even wafiles and muflins and biscuits from the little tin oven of the gas stove, could be made and baked and added to the bill of fare without soiling the bands or the dress of the daintiest home-mistress, The gas stove will supply the ueeded hot water for domestio uses, also the means of prepariug food for small children or the sick. It will enable the house-mother at any time to pre acup of tea or chocalate or beef tea or broth, and make her, to thay ex- tent, indopendent of even the scientific kitchen, Under this arrangement of things the fondness of women for having the home free from any foreign element of servants, will cause many to perform the remain: der of their household work themselyes, 1f any one is not equal to this organized labor will send a competent person into the house every morning to sweep, dust and putin order, Under such arrangement also, if help i the care of our children or thelighter parts of houschold work were needed, we could probably secure a superior class of girls for assistants. Thousands who are now in shops and other organized industries would really prefer work in homes, if only the hew grimy, malodorous, clothes-destroying w of cooking und laundering were not requi ed and expected of them, and they could have specified hours of lavor, as would then be possible. This, then, is the certain form of the house- keeping of the future in cities and village Tt will not be done co-operatively; it will be done by capital and organization, because capital “will find it profitable. It will be adopted by all who need to live economically and desive to live well. It will not preclude the large establishments of the wealthy, who can afford to keep a corps of trained servants and who wish to have their cookiug done in their houses, It will disburden the home of the incubus of expense and care inseparable from the presesl system of the individual kitchen an the irve- sponsible servant, It will enable the youthful lovers to marry on moderate in- comes and set up at once & happy home of their own, even though the young wife has not had un opportunity to leam, and conse- quently does not know how to do “all kinds of kithen work.” She will probably never need tWlearn wll the domestiy arts ber wmother knew, just as she does not now _need to know how to spin or weave or knit. Freed from the formerly harassing cares of kitchen and soiv- ant, the house-keeper of the future will be able to become the ideal home-kecper: to give proper care to her children and herself, without abandoning all the iutellect: sults and social pleasures of her youth, - SINGULARIAR A hailstonethat fell during a storn inS Louis and was measured at the signal service station the s said to have been nine inches in circumference, A little chicken which, though healthy and flourishing, will always have to fed by human hands, attracts attention North Plainfield, N. J. The upper haif of its bill is rolled bak in a tight ball be 1 the eyes, The r half is natural and perfect. A curiosity in the shape of a potato of last year's growth, bursting from the inner center f which are perfectly formed potatoes of this spring’s growth, oneof the youngsters being about as laree as a walnut, was found by u Craw ford county farmer. Both old and young potatoes are ina solid and perfect con- dition otherwise, A Finland paper mentions a curlous stone the northern partof that country which instead of a Imakiur, n_foul weathe ¢ has the effect of in approaching; fine wea turning it almost white. At Pierre, 8. D, clouds began'to gatiler, and in ten n began to pour, accompanied by wind. Just about the time the rain small snakes from twelve to sixteen inches long fell to the ground in various places, These wers coiled, and_when they struck the ground scemed to 'be somewhat stunted, The snakes had a bluish color. A fish of most peculinr appearanc like of which has never been seen by the many fishermen who have inspe was recently exhibited at Pensacola, was eaught in the gulf with hook and line, and is about five feet in length. The body is similar to that of a dolphin, and it has a bill like o needle fish. The tail is forked, and has two immense fins rising from th k. They are of a soft, bony substanc of such peculiar formation that they give the fish the appearance of having a flowing mane. It is o rare fish, and, if possible, should bo preserved as a curiosity. A st freak in the fruit-growing line is attracting the attention of farmers at Dover, Del. While all through IKent count even 1 the best kkopt_and most skillfally cul: tivated oreh vii on the ba; wls a pe evening minutes strong ceased the other the hard, the te are louded down with finely developed fruit. The most singular thing about this, in the estimation of fruit growers, is that while eveu in the best sheltered orchards, those en- irely surrounded by woods, all ‘the fruit the Murch storms, tho lar orchard, unsheltered exposed, has lived and fruft of this partic and in every way v years swarms of bees have been Fox Bluff, near Franklin, K feet high. Bees have bec observed about a big fissure near the center of the bluff, and the opening could not be reached without great danger of being stung to death. Asthe bees had uever been robbed it was believed u large amount of honey was d in the cliff. A well-borer visited the cliff and, after some coaxi persuaded some farmers to undergo the expense, and a hole was bored from the top of the bluff. Ata depth of eighty-five feet the drill struck the els by the score were filled and the syndicate has sent for more receptacles, e ol 3 CONNUBIALITIES, Marriage is never a failure; dding is not a marriage. When a man marries he fully intends to be No, I in the family, but often the period drops out. The man who marries a millionaire's daughter does not have to wait fifty years for a golden wedding, Whenever yon find a man who is a failure, ou will also find a patient little woman who s excuses to the world. sxtract from a parish ma land reads thus: “Unmarcie requested not to marry for some little time, as we cannot afford to lose their services, as we have lost many lately.” An exchange says that “‘a model wife is one who thinks her husband knows more than her kin,” This may be true. But to come up to the requiremants would put an awful strainon the wives of som» husbands. First Bohemian—Poor Roundabout did not live long after his marriage, did be? Second Bohemian—No, poor old boy. You sece, marriage entirely changed his mode of living He fell into regular habits, and it killed him A young lady of Binghamton, N. Y., who is said to be worth not less than #50,000 in prospective, was the object of the attention of uyoung man with whom she was ver favorably impressed, but who, with ever encouragement, continued to pause just shor of a proposal. The young lady managed to out in civeulation what appeared to bo u re- iahle report that her pecuni < pectations were simply in the publie mind, and in two days the young fellow had proposed and been accepted Two young people in Indiana wanted to marry, but the girl's people opposed the mateh' and the lovers threatened to elope. Fearing that they would car out thewr threat, the girl was locked in her room by her mother and her dresses we taken from her 50 that she could not go out. The couple tel egraphed kisses to each other for a few days and finally agreed to make a bold broak. He got a flanhel shirt, skirt, safoty-pin and lad- der. The ladder was placed against the win- dow when the folks were abed and the couple took the early moraing train for Indianapolis where they were married. W. S, Davidson, a trav in Indianapolis, was mar the other day in Stopping at the but every w 1 Eng- ing man who lives d at Te Haute rather romantic manner. me hotel was Mrs, Blanche Frost, who travels for a St. Louis drug hou She and Davidson had met a few months agv and had beeh col ponding with cach other, As they were walking along the street together Davidson said he was willi to marry he She said she, too, was At this pointin their courtsi od a street car and attende lett park. During the da, marriage was not referved to, but that cven- ing an incident occurred which propelled them both into the matrimonial current. In- stead of getting off at the hotel on their way back from the park, they remained on tho streot car until opposite the court house, Here they ot off, aud going in, Davidson dared Mrs, F'rost to marry him. The *‘dare” Wit epted, and in a very few minutes they had procured alicense and were made 1 and wife by Justice Felsenthal, The brid a handsome woman, w en in Chivleston, 111, and is twent old. —_— the subject of Br. Birney cures catarrh, — The Wind on tne Eiffel Tower, ‘Wind observations on the Eiffel tower show that at low velocities of fifteen miles per hour or less the velocity of the wind at the top of the tower is from four to five times as great as at the top of an ordinary building sixty-nine feet high, but as the velocity inere this difference de 8, until at high ve- locities the difference is only two to one, says the Engineering News. M. Eiffel assumed the pressures to be forty-one pounds at the base, increasing to eighty- two pounds per square foot at the top, which ms to be her less difference than the facts called for, although a fair approximation, if the above stated de- crease of ratio continues up to maximum wind velocities. AR California Excursiol Pullman tourist sleeping car exeur- sions to California and Pacific coust hoints leave Chic y Thursday, ansas City ev y via the Santa Fe route. Tice rate from Chicago $47.50, from Sioux City, Omaha, Lincon or Kausas City $35, sleeping car rate from Chicago $4 per double berth, from Kunsas City 83 per double berth, Everything furnished ey meals. These excursions are perso conducted by experienced ex manng who accompany parties to destination, For excursion folder con- taining full particulars and map folder and time table of the Santa Fe route and reserving of sleeping car berths, address S. M. Osgood, general agent, E. L. Palmer, traveling agent, A. T, & 8. F. railrond, 1308 Farnam street, Omaha, Nebraska Beo bldg. (0L SIPS FOR HOT WEATHER Refreshments for Tired Brains Furnished by the Funny Men, A FUNERAL AFFAIR ON FIRST BASE, Steered Clear of the Angel Cake— Speakers Who Lack Terminal Facilities—David Wouldn't be Hasty—A Parthian Thrust, Smith, Gray & Co.'s Montlly Father, 1 believe, I was born nobleman, Father— Yos; the bright sid Highflyer's Wav. Smith, Gray & Co’s Monthly Blake, who attributes his suc li is ubstemious habits, ne opportunity 1o lecture the i temperaice. Scein ing rather ‘“rock ovened on him with Daughter— W marry o but, daughter, try tolook on of life—perhaps you'll die. R ess in looses an s at the club on Highflyer look- other morning, he “Youug man, do you iin this said Charle: the quickest get 4 head is to mix your drinks, b’ ()lAl'N'ul V. icle: Bookkeeper —Ex- nephew died three days San Dry Goods Ch cuse me, sir, but. my ago, Employer (whois somewhat familiar with the little game)—All right, Mr, Culpepper, you may attend the funcral. Died, us usual, on first base, I supposet Was Glad She Told Him, Boston Herald: _ “Willium,” said Mrs. from the head of the stais to her hus- band; who had come home at an early hour in the morning, *“there is some | cake in the pantry, u new kind that I midetoday. I put it whote v i uded Mr, Bixby. conside you 1 might have eaten some of it without thinking.* And the grateful husband made a luich on cold corned beef, “How Not Wanted, Detroit Free Pross: “Want any help?” he asked of the gro “Well,I dunno you put into a qua ST can put five, but alwa 1 guess [ don't necd limit_h How many tomatoes can s make four do.” Three is our Something Radically Wi Chicago Tribune: The fnspector the gas meter in astomshment, Wiy, it deesn't indicate any consumption of gas whatever for the lust month ! STt oughtn't to,”" replied the owner of the building. “The gas wasn'tlighted at all dur- ingz the month.” “There |s something wrong _with the mete id the inspector with a hard, deci- sive, metalie ring in his voic 2. looked at A Common Failing. Washington Post: There is a congressman Who is noted at his home for sustained effort, as well as ability, inorato: consider him a very y ial in said a “But ible man,” speaking to him. terminal facilities. Another Boy Caught. Now York Herald: G dear, are you amemborof the union ¢ asked Hortense, as they sat side by side upon the long suffering Gieorge was o piumber, and _cousequently could not tell alie. “No, daring, I am not,’ he sid. ““Well, you ought to make application for memberSiip atonee,” said Hortense, with a meaning look. And George took the hint, and now Hortense goes around wearing only one glove, the better to display the beauty of the stone, Nothing Hasty About David. Boston Courier: Two old Scotchmen who were born and brought up in the same town in Scotland and have been living together in the same Vermont town for the last forty years, Notlong agoone of them said to the other: “Weel, Davia, we've been friends this mony u year, ye ken,” “Weel d Teplied cautiously, “I'm no v na come to that, mou, when wo weel acquaint, but ye ken it takes long two bodies to ken ane anither to that de- thatit's safe to be friends.” An Object Lrsson in Geography. Smith, Gray & Co's Monthly, As we strolled along the beach When the lisping tide was low; Thus my lady’s sivery specch— “Mr. Freshly, do you know “You're an oasis to me!" (Here I blushed behind my hand) ; “You're the green spot,” nurmured she, “In this urid waste of sand.” A Parthian Thrust, Dry Goods Chronicle: Mis, Jones (a trifle faded, but extremely moaish)—Have you seen the latest fashionable wrinkle, my dear Mus Brown ¢ Mrs. Brown (whose husband admires Mrs. J.)—So they've become fashionable®hayve they! (with malicious emphasis). Then how ¢ ultra you must be, my dear Mrs. Jones! motle d Clothier and Furnisher, A warrior bold from the Congo State, Aud amaiden from Zunzibar, Eloped one night when the hour was late Aud sailed o'er the occan far. They sulled and sailed, for the wind was fair, And_gave not o thought for the clothes they’d wear, They sailea and sailed and_landed one day On the beach near some big hotels And the Zanzibar girl met the bathers gay, And swam with the fair-haired belles. And thoy marveled much at her color and pose, But noneof them saw that she had no clothes. Too Expensive at Presont Detroit Free Press: A man with a bundle under his avm stopped ata fruit stand on Congress street, with the evident intention of making a purchase, but before he had said anythiug a person standing near beckoned to him and asked : vou going to buy a banana?’ “(Going to eat it on the street " Very likely.” ‘Goiig_to drop the skin on_the sidewalk?” No, sir, I've got scven children at home, aud I can’t afford any such extravagance, A Tale of the Period. San Francisco Examiner: A pertinacious canvasser who Liad often atternpted to induce a busy merchant to subseribe for a now work by Einin Pasha called for the seventeenth vime und found 1o one on the premises but @ fucetions factotum. “Will you kindly ask your employer to drop me'a line,” said the diuvasser 1o the fa- cotious factotum, i case he wishes to sub- scribe for this work ¢ SIf you will take a suggestion of mine,” re- plied the fucotious factotum, **you had better arop him @ line an1 you may save his life; 1 know he is over-bored. Considering 1t Esthetically. New York Tribune: Mrs. Van de Jencky- nes—"To what college did yousend your sous, Mrs. Van de Smythe!” Mrs, Van de Sy the—"Sidr vard and Algernon is at Yale Mrs, Vin de Jenckyn, Why didu’t they both o to the same place!'i Mrs. Van de Smythe—"0, you know Sid- ney is dark, and crimson harmonizes with his complexion'much better than blue doc i has light hair and a fair complexion s color suits him exactly. Just imagine how he would look playing tennis in o crimson blazer! is at Har- The Noble Art of Self-Defense. Home Companion: *Do you think it would be wrong for me to learn the noble art of self- defense & veligiously inclined youth in- quired of his pastor. “Certainly not,” answered the minister; 1 learned it § outh myself, and I have found it of during my life.” “Indeed, sir. Did you learn the old system or the Sullivan system(" Neither; I learned Solomon's system." Solomon’s system (" “You will fnd it laid dowsn in the kst verse of the fifteenth chapter of Prower ‘A soft answer turneth away wrath.' It is the best tem of self-defense of which 1 know." He Wanted the Best. Pittsburg Dispateh: Speaking of the Hin- doo deity reminds me of a story a friend of mine told me the the other day about his little boy, aud which is entirely ‘true. The little feliow is very slow dressing in the morniug, and to cire him of this habit his parents told him that the next time he failed 1o beready assoon as the others he would have to go without his breakfast. Being y again, when he came to the table he was informed that he must either eat bread and water or do without eating atall. The boy sat silent and would not eat. The father, not wishing him togo altogether without food, suid: “You might be situated 0 you would be glad 10 have bread and water. Suppose you were away out on the ocean and the angels should fetch you bread and water and tell you that you miust eat that or nothing, what would you do?’ “1wouldn’t neiver,” wi just want what God had fo he answer, “I°d break fast.” A Disappointed Policeman. New Yok Tribune: *“Well, thats the woorst T iver saw," said Policetnan Doub X, as he stood mournfully twirling his club on a corner on Harlem street at 2 o'clock one chilly morning last week, “What's the matter, officer!’* asked asym: pathizing and curious hewspaper man. Matter enough, Ye see, ther mauat the saloon at the cc bey not knowin' him well T to't I'd hit b like for the furst toime. Sol droppe the family entranceand sez I to him, friendly- like, ye know: *Conld you give me adrink ay wather? sez I, winkin' mildly betimes ‘A v coorse 1 will,* sezhe, handin' me 4 glass trough the growler hole. An’ phat do ¥ tink! It wuza gl of water, phyvat some men don’t know would blasht d rock.” o new A Learned Play on Words. Drake's Maguzi ssucus — W strange i agreeable thi t usi't ito had of calling dis- r5 by pleasant names ¢ Moder The French and S paniards had it also. The one called the guillotine the Maiden and the other an instrument for tor ture and execution the Virvgin Classicus—Then, seeing we have so many precedents we are doubly bound to eall our nstrument for exccuting by electricity the Lover. Modernus—W Clussicus- death. The Drumm 'r and the Saint. 5 ancisco Examin A Chicago ftor u life of usefulness, presentod a0f Paradise, ing. groating t. Peter with a cheerful smile attemjted to s in. ‘Hold on, there,” remarked the saint, po- litely but firmly, “what are youand where do you come from?” “Iama peripatetic salesman,” replied drummer, ‘and when ¥ doubly bound! sparks its victims to the on earth I lived in ? Chicago!" T answered the saint “Nover heard of the pla me one atlas, the saint located the would-be metro- polis and then turned to the drummer, “You may pass in," he remarked, “and you will excuse my ignorance when I inform you plicant to present himself from that place.” This fable teaches us how some cities are i to be represented in that bourne from h o census returns. TIONA L, The closing exercises of Miami univ Oxford, O., were held in the open a year, At the th of the College large class was awarded. It is proposed to found chairs in Naples and other Italian universities in seaport towns for the purpese of i special in- struction to medical men who take charge of ships. Annie F\. Reynolds, the first woman dentist to graduate 1 Massachusetts, reccived her degree of D.D.S. from (he Boston dental college this year, She also received the first prize for senior honors. Clark university, Worcester, Mass,, has es- tablished a department of education and placed at the head of it Dr. W, H. Burnham, a Harvard graduate, who spent three years of post graduate stuc ohus Hopkins university. The university had no commence- ment this year. Amberst _agricultural colloge sent out twenty graduates. Govermor Brackett pr seuted the diplomas, Alluding to the fact that the college has 400 alumni Governor Brackett said he would rather be among that number than one of New York’s 400, *who toil not, neithex do they spin.” At the twenty-second annual commence- ment of Cornell university, Ithaca, N. Y., over two hundred and fifty persons were graduated, including those taking the first and_second degree, the lirgest number ever graduated in the history of Cornell. Of the nine seniors who took partin the commence ment exercises one was a Sage college girl. The attendance at Cornell college, Mount Vernon, Tn, during the last year w largest in the history of this institution, gregrati nall. The aimnow s to reach the 1,000 point, and at the present rate of increase it will be reached in a few years. The college trustees have decided to enlarge the endowment by an addition of 100,000, The annyal report of Brooklyn’s superin. tendent of publio instruction shows eighty- three schools, with 1 eache under carce of the board of education, in which, within the year, were taught 110,22 different pupils. The average daily attendance was 2, an inc s gver the previous year of mnearly 5,000, There were 1,430 graduates from the grammar_schools. ' ‘The year's expenses were §2, 51, Superintendent Edwards of Tllinois does not believe that its compulsory school law works badly. Perhaps in order to suve it ho would cons to sligh nendments here and there, but in Chicago in a siugle season, with flourish of trumpets, the truant ofticers have placed in school 8,546 scholars, at an ex- vense of only $,181, or a little more than §l each, This was done ina quiet, persuasive manner withont invoking theaid of the law in asingle instance, e i S PEPPERMINT DROPS. ighth annual commencenent graduated and many priz Just a Little Mower—The New Year, For a Dude—All's well that ends *‘swell” Children ave poor men's riches—thelr little inuo-cents, A sausage machine usually succeeds in “making ends meat.” The frigid young lady exerts hewself to prove that shé is an ice givl. The first question a lawyer case is whether it is fees-it ‘We donot bel in giving awhole word to the ¥s. One letter is enough, The labor news is usually the most strilcing portion of a newspuper's contents, “Phis is my night out,” said the gentlernan who quit losér on the poker game, In New York Gilbert & Sullivan's new opera is pronounced “The Gone-dollars,” A greedy Yankee has a crick in his neck, and yethe is not satisfied with the water sup- ply. “I'm not in it,” was the proud remark of the lemon, with & scornful glanceat the circus lemonade. “T'm 50 glad that odious Miss Nurich is in thesoup!” “Yes, it's a consomme-tion de- voutly to be wished. When Greek meets Gre graduate listens patiently and wonders what the dickens they are saying, Boss—1've lost my time-book, Pat, and I'll have to depend on your honesty as to how many days you've put in this month, Pat— Well, begor, let me see; 1 thinkit dobe Lhirty-two, sir. Lawyer —If anybody afternoon tell them I am called away on most ent business. [ Bo Yes, sir. ranger (half an hour later)—Is Mr. Quill in! Ofice Boy—No, sir; he’s been called away tothe bascball game on most urgent business, Reports asks about a k—the Harvard asks for me this ~Colonel, will you be kind enough togive me your views on the political situa- tion? Ex-Politician—You will have to ex- cuse me, my young friend, 1 am now en- tirely out of politics, You may tell your readers that I am giving my whole time and energy to the practice of the law, Reporte (shutting his notebook)—Can't do that, Colonel, for less than a dollar aline, okl bl Dr, Birney cures catarr L. Bee blg. of the City of New Yorka | EIXTEENTH AND FARNAM Bargains in Diamonds. Dinmond rings from €2.0 upwards Dismond collar b »u upwards, nd searf £ upwards 8 from & upwards. 7.0 1 pward < Twce pi w810 upwards ear ring fr bracolets from$15 upwards, pendants from ary Fluces from §50 upwards Greatly Reduced Prices cn The Omaha Medical Umbrellas, Optical Goods broat Summer Birgain Sale —EY— MAX MEYER & BRO.,, Jewelers and Silversmiths, STREETS, - - OMAHA, NEB ains in Watche Niekel watches from £50 uprards, tihen, fh e il wiichos froin 31 npwirda o O watdhos fm' S i varda rgains in Jewelery, Weenreyn full line of “Jevelory Incliding BOth OGN And o Fulot pALe Hnice vinics, “Tockts, Draciots, Ninces, ot wd ek te e nctunly wirth fl we sl at oo 0 ks 0 SOTANE £ s Yoo Oir how windows' Bor ou Baruain pricos. tches, Clocks and Jewelry Repaired at Reasonable Prices. Silverware, Cloclk StCe s, Lamps, and Surgical Institute v W Bt g Trustes. Best Ficliltie Apparatos and Remned uirig Matlent iy loal Treatment. NINETY Bronch it 1l surglo; iy ava litely idd Ouly Reilable Medlel Initute mecomfully treated. S aient for T of Vita bowar (Berictly Trivat All Blagd 1) New Rostorative'l packed, no mATks to nd history of yonr e Bpecial or Nervous Diseasc: cate contents or Aen nid we w111 send in Tm polenc FOR FIVE Paxton Block, 16th We Are Here to Stay not be prejudicad by what others Teeth extracted without pain chloroform, est rates, gol All work warranted, DR. BAILKY, Dentist, Mention this paper, Gor. DOUGLAS . If so call and examine our fine line of art goods, comyprising Locks. Knobs, Escutcheons and Hinges, inalllinishes and designse HIMEBAUG Furniture OMAHA STOVE Stove Repairs Water Attachuent Fitted and Connected, ROBT, UHLIG, Proprietor, TO WE| Wasling Weak masbood, ele., 1 valuable tremtles (sealod) contabiliig full particiiars for home cure, FREEE of clarge. A Ipiendid medical work hould be read Ly every Haw who i§ Dervous and - debilitated. £ddre, Prof. ¥.0, FOWLER,Moodus,Conn. pend For the trestment of all CHRONIO AN 8D RAICAL DISEASES s for_suce ROOMY FOR PATIE Wilte forcirculars on Defc-miitie philitic pondence. All communications confidential. Mec Syphilly, Gleet and Varcoc: Omaha Medical and Surgical Institute, Corner 9th and Harney Sts, Omaha, Neb. Set of Teeth ‘larged and more with all the latest facilities for dental work. orlower set of teeth on rubber for five dollars, guaranteed to be as well made as plates sentout of anydental office in this country. Do as, either or electricity. and porecelain-faced crown, teeth without plates, ete, A magnificent display of everything useful furniture maker’s ar| Have removed to 1207 Douglas St. o oy Tices. Appliinces for Tefornities, ina ntul tnatmet olever forn of dseastre. v 2o speolalty of PRIV AT Ruon emoved frm €ie sysiem’ withoul merary: artles unable to Vit usmay be treiod al home by ine or insiruments snt by mall oF erpress. se. One parsonal Interview profered. Call wid comuly weapper our BOOK T@ MEN FRITE, upon Privite jonlist. Addres on Rubher DOLLARS. Dr. R. W. Bailey, Dentist, and Farnam Streets. Our offices have recently beenen - fully equipped Wemake afull upper maysayagainst us, butcome and see usand examine our work; it will all bear inspection. or danger, and without the use of Gold and silverfillingsat low= Paxton Block, 16th and Farnam. Open evenlngsuntil§ o'clock, Take elevatoron lith street to third floor. INEW ENGLAND FIRNITIRE CONMPANY. 710 AND 712 NORTH SIXTEENTH STREET, Garpets, Soves Tine All goods sold for s, Terms to sult pure Exchanges| | parties having old furiture wrpels or slo | Tplolsteringana repair %% W W fal facilitor ) Stoll’lgCJ i and furs sphoneorders uptly resgonded Lo, Tele plone |12 of AMDNDs 'OMAHA' H & TAYLOR, 1408 Douglas St., O maha, - DEWEY & STONE, Company, and ornamental in (he t at reasonable prices. REPAR WORKS , onposite Millard Hotel, for 1500 Different Stoves, Ranges and Furnaces, vos Repadred. Tel. 900, B SIS FREE foien mmd Gir wholwle pr < Gusol ine and 0. M. EATON.