Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, January 26, 1890, Page 14

GENATORS WRO WILL FIGHT, Bomsthing About ths Quarrels in Our House of Lords. WHEN SHERMAN CARRIED A GUN, Ingalls Ready to Back His Fiery Ut- terances on the Fiela of Honor ~The Damons and the Pythinses. Benntorinl Acrappers. {Covyright 1600, by Frank G. Carpenter.) WasmINGTON, Jan, 23.—|Special to Tnr Ber|~The trouble between Senators Call and Plumb will probably wake them enemies for life and another feud will be added the many which now exist in the United States Senate. A dozen odd senators do not speak to each other already and the bitter political specchies of the past week are by no means calming the troubled waters. Tho stings of debate last long after the sessions are over and there are personal remarks made every session which ranklo in the souls of the sen- ators at whom they are directed. Call will not forget that Plumb called him a coward and Plumb will never forgive Call for saying that he was a bad man, a vain man, a weak man and of boorish manners and contemptable methods, Had these words been uttered be- forethe war the result would probably have been a duel but as itis the two men will sit in the senate, sneer at each others specches and pass by one another without speaking. John Sherman and Wade Hampton have not spoken to each other for years and the trouble arose in reply to some correspond- ence which Hamvton had with Sherman while ho was secrotary of the treasury. Chandler wants nothing to do with Joe Blackburn since that stormy trouble arose in the session of the committes on Indian traders and the senator from Kentucky at- tempted to pull the ear of the senator from New Hampshire. Chandler denies that his ear was pulled but he acknowledees that he received threats and other indignities. Ho will never forget them and Blackburn will long remembar the offensive remark of Mr. Chanaler in which he said that he ‘‘would Dot be bulldozed by any negro driver from Kentucky.” SENATOR INGALLS' QUARRELS. Senator Iugalls is mixed up in half a dozen feuds. The democratic senators as a mass hate him worse thun the devil hates holy ‘water and there are a number of the demo- cratic senators with whom he can never be on friendly terms. One of these is Joc Brown of Georgia, whom the Kansus senator held up to ridicule about six years aco, under the title of senator from Alaska. Brown had suid that he would not make the senate the scene of a coarse personal quarrel and that 1o his conflicts. with brave men he had never been accused of cowardice. He re- ferred to Ingulls’ attenuated form and in- timated that no one was much afraid of tne Kansas senator. In reply to this Senator Ingalls made a fiery speech, acous- ng Brown of changing the record of the senate, calling him “a sanctimonious hypocrite who was forever washing his bands with nvisible soap in imperceptible water.”” Under this title ‘the senator from Alaska” has characterized Brown as ‘‘the Uriah Heep of the senate, as the Joseph Sur- faco of American politics, as a sniveling po- litical Pecksuiff who had belonged to every political party in his life time none of which he did not hetray.” At the close of his speech ho said he was willing to have the senator from Georgia take his remarks in v sense which he saw fit to take thew and that he did not shrink behind the privileges of the chamber. JOE BROWN'S DUEL. Tt was supposed that nothing less than a duel could come from these remarks. After aday ortwo, however, the matter quieted down and nothing more was hoard of tho trouble. The two senators will, however, never be friends though both of them hold each other in decided respect. The fact that they did not fight cannot be considered an imputation upon the bravery of either for both have shown themselves to be ready to fight1n days of the past and had either sent a challenge there is no doubt that the other would have accepted it. Senator Joe Brown once came within an_ace of fightinga duel ‘with Hob Toombs. Toombs and he had a uarrel as to reconstruction measures and the story is that both expected to fight. Toombs made no preparation for the duel. Joe Brown went about his arrange- ments in the same practical business ‘way for which he is 80 noted and which has made him a success as a fortune maker and @ groat statesman, He drew up his will.put his estate in order and clipped all the trees of his orchard in practicing with his pistol, I think it was in this affair that Brown called Toombs an unscrupulous liar, and that Toombs 1n talking to one of his friends about it characterized Brown as a hypocrit- ical old deacon, saying: *“What can 1 do ‘with him, If I challenge bim he will dodge behind the door of the Baptist church,”” and be then referred to the statement of Ben Hill in rfl)l_v to Alexander H, Stephens, jwhereln Hill refused to fight, saving to Ste~ phens, “Sir, I have a family to support and @ God to serve but you have neither.” ‘This remark of Toombs was reported to Brown and Brown went to his church and ot certificate stating that he had loft it. 0 sent the certificate to Toombs and told him that he would be glad to accommodate him and that he would accept any challenge he might make. It was while Toombs was ‘waiting to make his challenge that he prac- ticed with his pistol. Toombs knew that he 8 A good shot and he saved his life by not. saying anything more about it. BENATOR INGALLS' BRAVERY, As to Senator Ingalls' bravery, there are numerous stories told of his courage in Kan- sas during and vefore the war. Ho was sitting one duy cating his dinner in a hotel in Atchison, Iv was at the time that Ingalls had first come to Kansas and he hud llmndfl made two or three of his pyrotechnic oratorical displa, As he it there a drunken rufMan entered the room with a 1 in his hands. He saw Ingalls and said: ee here, young man; they say you are a blanked good speaker. Now I want you to get up and make me a speech, or I will shoot —-— out of you." He then pointed his revolver at Ingalls. Jogalls looked bim in the eye and the revol- yer in the mouth and replied that he did not intend to make a sveech for any drunkart, The wman continued to swear and flourish b cocked rovolver. He jumped up anddown he did so and by accident his boot struck hi &I]llol and he shot himself in the I His 0ot was scon full of blood. This sobered bin and be left the dining-room. Ingal went up stairs, brought down his pistol, lai it down beside his plate and went on with his eating, The man went out in the street, gov into & shooting affray and was killed that afternoon, SENATOR SHEBMAN'S DUEL. Senator Sherman came very near haviug a duel at just about the bcxlnu{nk of the war. He was insulted by a member of the house aud he picked up a box of wafers aud threw itin the man's face. Kvery one supposed that the result would be hooting affray d Sherman carried a pistol for some time after the occurrence. He had this pistol in his pocket the first day that he met the man in whose face he had thrown the wafers, and he passed him on the stone flagging which surrounded the fish pond which used to be in front of the capitol. Sherman kept his eye on the man, expecting an attack, and I think one hand was on his pstol in bis pocket. Wright, this I think was the name ot the no challenge Sherman had his bravery testea an the Kansas-Nebraska troubles, when he was sent west on the howse committee to in- vestigate them. The cotumittee were often in danger of their lives, and they recoived on paper marked with cofiins nd cross boves. At one tim Benator Sherman tells me, “‘a hoary-heade rufan came in and denounced him in the rudest and most threatening of terms, paint- ing the air red with profanity. Shorthand ‘was then a new thing in the west, aud as the man went ou Senator Sherman motioned to bis stenographer to take down his language. ‘When he had concluded his tirade Senator Sherman told him he ought to be careful as 10 how he assaulted & member of congress of the United States when e was wrylns out the orders of the governwent, an told him that be baa record of every AR UMANA VALLIYL DI, word he had sald. The man snee and swore and practically called Mr, Shefmhn & liar. Sherman then asked his sten l pher to read to him what he had said, And ‘P‘ man listened duombfounded as he heard hi remarks recited verbatim. It scemed & mi- acle, and he was frightened at the possible resuits. He nsked to seo a page of the notes. It was handed him. He looked at it and clutching his hair yelled out: “'Snakes by G—-d1" Whether he thought he had the delirium tremens or not, Senator Sherman says he does not know, but he left the committee room a scared man, and carried his pistol and his profanity off with him. INGALLS VEREUS BLACKBUKN AND VOORHEES, Senator Ingalla was severely denounced by Senator Joe Blackburn about two years ago and Ingalis and Blackburn might be called the two fighters of the senate. Neither seems to be hapoy unless he is in a quarrel and both deal in oratorical pvrotechnics, de- lighting in the invective. They go about the senato with chips on their shoulders defving any one to kiock them off and ready to fight at a moment's notice, At the last quarrel between the two each washed for the other such dirty linen as he could find connected with hiv war record and the soap of the cleansing got into the eyes of both to such an extent that they do not smile as thoy pass by aud their souls are filled with hatred. It is much the samo with Ingalls and Voorhees and if the senator from Kansas dispenses as much vitriol during the present sossion in proportion to the political excite- ment as he has done during those of the past he will hardly have a speaking acquaintance with more than balf a dozen_democratic sen- ators. In his trouble with Voorhees the lat- ter called him a liar, and the senator from Kansas retorted that “if the senate of the United Statos was a police court the senator from Indiana would be seutonced to the rock pile and hard labor.” He paid his compli- ments to Senator Voorhees' war record and described the excitingtrouble which took place in the north as well as the south in terms by no means complimentary. The power of Ingalls added to his wonderful brain and terrible tongue lien in his knowledge of the personal records of his brother senators. He seoms to have printed documentsin hisstudy detailing every act of their lives from th births to the present moment, He has al such information at his tongue’s end and his perceptions are 80 keon that he knows just where to strike hardest and hurt the most. He feols hard knocks. howaver, and the democratic seuators oceasionally cut deeply into his sensitive anatomy. Joe Brown suc- coeded in doing this perhaps as much us any of his opponents and_both Blackbura and Voorbeose caused him considerably more than an unpleasant quarter of an hour. OTHER SENATORIAL FUEDS, There are a number of other senators who are not on the most friendly terms with h other. Morgan of Alabama and Mitchell of Oregon will never sleep in the same bed and it is hardly possible that their relations will ever become friendly. The trouble occured not very long ago when Senator Morgan charged Senator Mitchell with being a repre- sentative of railroad corvorations and when Senator Mitchell retorted by saying that whatever he might do und that he would not discuss, he bad never disgraced bimself in the senate by reeling into the chamber in a state of beastlv intoxication as the senutor from Aalabama had done. Senator Harris and Senator Hiscock have not been on good terris since their fuss at tho latter part of the last session regarding tbe Bureau of Engraving and Priuting and there are & nuwber of senators who secm to have a secret autagonism towards one another, This does not come out in their speeches, and 1t does not affect to any great deeree their intercourse. It is oft 50 with senators from the same state. You seldom see Sherman and Payne together, and the representatives of the great state of Ohio have nothing in common. Senator Chandler and Senator Blair are not hand and glove as two great statesmen who have interests in common should be,and Chandler evidently thinks Blair a crank, and Blair apparently knows it. Ingails and Plumb are friendly enough, but they do not hobnob to- gether, and Edmunds and Morrill, though ¥ood friends, are by no weans boou compan- ions. Itis the same with many of the other senators representing the sume state. NEW SENATORS WHO WILL FIGHT. There are a number of men among the new additions to the chamber who will not be ufraid to resist if they are attacked this session. Senator Turpie of Indiana, has not had a chance to show his power of invective as yet. He is considered one of the strong- est speakers in this line in the whole state of Indiana and the republicans will prob- ably hear something drop before the winter is over. He is little and insignificant look- ing, but ho hae a gallbaz at the routs of his tongue as big as that of Ingalls’, and his command of language 18 almost as great. Moody of Dakota, will.cartainly resist if at~ tacked, and there are many stories of his bravery in the Indiana legislature which have not gotten into print. I don't believe ne will fight a duel now but he has accepted a challenge in his day and he comes from the fighting frontier. .Another possible fighter is the republican senator-elect, Sanders of Montuna, 1f he should get his seat he will display to the senate a tongue much the same as that of Ingalls, and he has shown himself to possess a courage equal to that of any man in public life. He was one of the chief organizers of the Montana vigilantes, who cleaned out the road acents from the territory and who hung more than twenty men, The first of thesc was George Ives, and Sanders made the speech against him whi his friends were standing around with t hands on their pistols. This speech con- victed Ives, and I heard a story tonight of an incident that occurred that same evening at vxrlfsnm City. Colonel Sanders was quietly readiog 1n one of the stores of the town when u aesperado nameu Harkey Meade came into the room with his revolver stuck into the hand of his pantaloons in front, He came uE to Sanders and commenced abusiog him and called him all sorts of names, Sa ders went on with his readin g him for a moment, and then dropping his hand into his overcoat pocket, he cocked the derringer which iay there and raiscd his eye 1o the bully and murderer, as he quietly said, ‘Harvey, I should feel hurt if some men used such language to me, but from such a dog as you it is not worth no- ticing,” ‘The men who were in the store upon this caught hold of Meade and drageed himout. He afterwards admitied to San- ders that he intended to kill him, THE DAMONS AND PYTHIASES OF THE SENATE. The friendships of the senate, however, Are more numerous than the enmities, T eighty-two men in the chamber ure as a whole much like a big club, and they associate here more like college boys than like democrats aud republicans, Maoy of the stales have senators who are friendly with each other, and_ Spooner and Sawyer work together, Beck and Blackburn are often seen arm in arm, and Beck has friends on both sides of the chamber. One of the most popular sen- ators is Senator Stanford,and his popularity, it may be, comes somewhut from his gener- ous purse, He never lunches alone, and ho gives many a good dinuer both at the capi- tol ana @&t his resideuce. It was the same. with Palmer of Michigan who possesses more elements of goodfeliow- ship than any man in the senate and the friendship of Palmer and Manaerson was one of the noticeable things of the chamber, The two were always together and one win. ter Manderson and his wife lived with Sen- ator Palmer in his big honse on MacPherson square. Vest of Missouri and PPugh of Ala- bama are great friends though they hold different views on the tariff auestion, and you may often see those two rough diamouds nown as George and Cockroll hob nobbing togethor, It is funny how men of the most different temperaments become attached to one an- other. Philetus Sawyer, the millionaire Wisconsin senator, is as broad as he is lon, and his fat round belly shakes like a bow! ol jelly over every gooa story ho hears. He is # man of brains as well a8 money and he is the direct obposite of that tall, thin grandmother n specs known as Seunator Payne. The two are great chums and they sit und gossip for hours together while the most bitter of political speeches are being in the chamber. The fact that one 18 & democrat and the other a republican does not affect their good fellowship. STORIES OF DON CAMERON. Don Cameron is a good friend and a bad enewy. The especial object of his aversion in the person of Van Wyck of Nebraska has left the chamber, Cameron carries in his soul the friendships and enmitles of his fatber and he hated Van Wyck because he had made a bitter personal attack upon Simon Cameron when he was in the house of representatives. He also assaulted Van Wyck at the time tl sgainst Annrne{ General Brewster som years awo and the scene of that day is not yeot forgotten i the senste chamber. Cawme- without not l ron was very fll. He got up In front of Van Wyock and interrupted him in his speech. He shook his fist at him and told him not to talk any more in that direction. There wasan uproarin the oh ber, 'The vica jpresident tried to restore or- der and Cameron finally was taken by his friends into one of the cloak rooms and per- sunded tolie down on a sofa. The great friendship of Senator Cameron and Senator Butler of South Carolina also starts, 1 am told, with Don Cameron’s father. The incident ocourred before the war when Simon Cameron was elected to the aenate and throngh some hitoh or other came very near missing his seat. Pierco Butler, Sena- tor Butler's uncle was then a senator from Jnth Carolina. He made a fight for Simon ameron and it was his speeches and vote that gave him his seat. After the question was settled Mr, Butler went over to on and said: “‘Senator Cameron 1 won this fight for you and there is one thing I waut you to do for me in retuin. 1 want you to send me quart bottle of your best Pennsylvania Whisky." Ky I'll sena you a barrel,” sald old Simon, as he shook his hands with Fierce Butler, “and when you want anything else call upon me and I'll do it.” He sent Butler the barrel of whisky and he continued his friend as long as he hived, Don Cameron inherited the friendship for the Butler family, and when the present Senator Butler came to the senate, it hap- pened that there was some difficulty about is seat. It was a party question, but Don Cameron, so the story goes, broke away from the republicans in this case and voted with the democrats. His vote made Butler's po: tion secure, and he thus paid the debt of his father to Butler's un G. CARPENTER, PRI Ut SALT LAKE CI1TY NOTES, Utah's Capital asa Health Resort— Ral K te Continu Fivm, Sant Lake Ciry, Jan- 25.—[Special to Tre Bge. |—Dr. Guillemotof Cedar Rapids, Neb., a vhysician of considerabie reputation, has decided to open un office in Salt Lake City, As he is an authority on hygienic matters, and a type of mauny intellivent newcomers, [ asked the doctor for his opinion of Salt Lake City, its climate and general adaptation as one of the great sanitariums of the United States. The doctor answered in substance: I feel certain that there is no other point be- tween the Atlantic and Pacific, superior to this in respect to all that makes @ locality the home for a heslth seeker. There is an eauilibrium in the temperature, an elasticity in the air that gives health and buoyaucy to old and young. Added to those climatic ad- vantages there is the great Salt Lake and the superior hot and warm sulplur baths, the vicinity of still higher altitudes, afford- ing the most perfect health resorts- in tho summer, so that taken aitogether. the character of the place is such as to wake it one of the great sanitariums of the world, far superior on account of its mild and yet braciug air, to many famed resorts on the coust. “Iexpect,” the doctor continued, ‘‘to see thousand afflicted with asthmatic and lung troubies flock here to regain their health, while as for women iu delicate health, I koow of no locality that combines so many advantages for the ailments peculiar to the sex.” “I bave heard similar statements from a well known physician from lowa, Dr. Emers, who is also like Dr. Guillemot, an_authority on discases of women. ‘Uhe increasing faith 1 the brilliant future of Salt Lake City, as witnessed by many new comers, many of them capitalists from Deuver and other big cities that have passed through a successful period of rapid growth, forms a basis for speculation tnat oids fair to be reliable. Great thiugs are plannea and greater hoved Ihe city council hias voted for the im-. mediate erection of a county court house and city hail combined. Tae United States gov- ernment is expacted to obtain from congress an appropriation for a grand buil ing for fedcral purposes. 'The pav- ing or macadamizing of our magmficent streots aud a still further extension of an efficient system of sewerage are some other measures of public utility that will receive attention. In a climate like ours the sprini- ling of the principal streets 1s an absolute necessity, aud while much has been done, a great deal more wiil be done this summer. 'ne rcul estate market continues firm, transfors Leing ravher in excess of £150.000 ver day reaching over $200,000 on some days, counting only sales by warranty deed. A tendency to bear the market is felt, in view of the near election, but the material pro~ gresss of the city and surrounding country i8 so great that it suftices of itself to secure a regular and steady advance, Lastern cap- 1tal is being freely invested and is sure to reap u satisfactory harvest. The steadiness of our onward movement resembles very much the steady growth of Denver. This is because our mountains and ficlds harbor ap increased wealth whiea thefsteadily ex- tending railroad lives are making more and mora available. We nave not only coal and iron ore in abundancs, but p.oduce silver in large quautities, the famous Ontario miue being posit.vely the richest and best-paying mine 1n the world, waile the output of lead, copper, gold and other metuls is steadily in- creasing, How heaithy the financial situation is ap- pears also from the smallness of the delin- quent tax list. There are scarcely any de- linquent taxes—less than oue-third of an ordinary newspaper column contaming the whole list, and one-third of it being in on2 name. ‘Lhe foilowing statistics, furnished by Messrs. Shiley, Groshell & Co., moy also be quoted, as showing the regular, though rupid advance to a wonderful prosperity : 1857 $ 3,00 ly & most excellent field for the C. A. EgGERT, unquestiond investor. MULICAL AND DRAMATIC, Ben Stern has resigned us manager of “Kajunka, ‘'here is_talk of establishing a musical college at Yale, Joseph Jefferson wnd W. J. Florence are traveling in their private car, “Che Rivals.” Miss Maude Hall has been engaged to play the leading female part with kdgar Seidsn in “Will O' the Wisp.” Lotta will go on the rosd ngain next sea- son, and a tour has been booked for her ex- tending to Sun Francisco. *Mr. Harnes of New York" is proving to bo 80 much of a success that Manager Frank Sunger has booked it for nearly all of next season, chiefly in the large cities. One of the features of the phonograph ex- hibition at the Battle of Gettysburg in New York City portion of after dinner speech recently delivered by Lord Salisbury the English Premigr, Mr. Lawrence Barrett sails for Europe Fobruary 1 for an extended vacation, Next souson Lie hopes to appear with Mr. Booth, and & big spectacular production of “King Heunry V. 18 being talked about. Itis made known by Mrs. David Bidwell, widow of the late manager and owner of the St. Charles theater and Academy of Music, New Orleans, that she intenas to dispose of the St. Charles, retaining the Academy. Rich & Harris abandoned the management of the **Old Jed Prouty” company, and are now at work orgumllnu their big pantomime company, which is to open the Academy next season in advance of Denman Thomp- son, ‘The principals for the new De Wolf Hop- er opora boutte company, compriscs Marion auola, Lillle Grubb, Herbert Stanley, Thomas Q. Beabrooke, Josephine Knapp, Horbert Cripns und Alfred Kline, besides, of course, De Wolf Hopper himself. Fanny Davenport will not be mavaged by Messrs. Kiaw and Erlanger pext season. WAll the persons concerned speak 1n the most pleasant terms of one another and say that their purting 18 purely & business arrangement and ot caused by any quarrel. Gorge F, Krewolf, who was well known and generally liked by theatrical people until he took it into his head to decamp with some of “A Hrass Monkey's" earnings in Boston, is said to have found his way to Montreal, where he is engaged in dnving 8 strect car. ‘The richest man in Russia, Count Scl emtjew, is about 1 produce Puschkin' *Boris Goduuvow,” in his own bouse, bas spent 50,000 rubles on scenery and cos- tumes. The performers will be noble awa- teurs, and the royal opera will supply the music aud choruses. e e Dr. Birney, practice limited to ca- tarrhal diseases of nose and throat. Rooms 248 and 250, Bee building. DUNUA L, JANUAR THOUGHTS IN LIGATER VEIN, [ Waifs from the World of Wit and and Humor. HE WAS PREDESTINED TO RUN. Theology on the Rattleflsld—No Po- etry in Padding Sance—~Had a Family—~Héw Ho Saved the Pants. The Plumber. . Boston Courser. The actor down to the footlights strode, And his strides they were immense, And from his parted lips there flowed A stream of eloquence. ‘What caused the actor's head to spin And his sight to leave hin therel ‘Twas the blaze of tne plumber’s diamond pin Which gleamed in an orchestra chair. Anather Case of Predestination Milwaukee Evening Wisconsin: A few hours before the engagement at Dandridge, Tenn., two members of the 1st Wisconsin Cavuley had a warm dis- pute over the matter of foreordination. One of them stoutly maintained that the time and place of overy man’s death are appointed before hand, With equal fervor the other trooper muintained that the belief in foreordination is the groatest monmsense imaginable, Soon after the engagement opened the regi- ment, which had been fighting on foot was forced to beat a hasty retreat, and the believer in forcordination and his opponent in the recent debate were two of the most nimble runners among the Union troops. T happened to meet when the pursuit ceased, The man who had condemned the theory of foreordination thought he had a good joke on the other, “Look here, Charley,” he smd, “if the time of your death is foreordained, what made you run¥” **Well, you see,” was the reply, “‘it was foreordained that I should run,and run like the devil, too.” A Po:t's Tribalations, A lady of Boston,who is distinguished for the beauty and literary value of her sonnets, says the Advertiser of that city, relates that she was once asked, in a letter from a remote acquaintance, to furnish a poem to be read at the ob- srvance of the seventy-fifth birthd of avery dear nuntvof the write will tell you some of aunt’s character- istics,” the letter went on. dear, good sonl, ana for many years sho has worn white lace caps. She has also been distinguished in the family for excellence of a certain kind of pudding sauce which she alone can make. Will you kindly ennoble these character- vour poem?’ The Foch is isties in very obliging, and w do a favor to an acquaintance. she said, afterward, "I struggled ha with the lace caps, but I was really ohliged to draw the line at the pudding sauce.” The National k Boston Transcrip! The little seven- year-old daughter of a leading physi- tian in a neighboring city heard the question as to what flower would make the best national emblem discussed considerable length only the other day by & party of guests at har father's din- ner table, Each guest had given an opinion and supported it with the cus- tomary arguments, when suddenly tho little girl woke up. ' “Papa,” she said, “Iknow what 1 think would be the best national em- blem. 7 **Well, Josephine,” said her father, “what is i She answered with an air of relief, as if giad to have the question definitely settled: **The chestnu He Had a Family, Portland Oregonian: In making final proof before the United States land of- lice, Judge Guichard of Walla Wualla, usually asks: “Have you a family?” Most of them answer in the affirmati but the other day he got hold of a ma who had the biggest family on record. “Have you a family?” said the judge he pulled down his vest. *‘Yes, sir, said the man, somewhat confused. **What does it consist of?” continued Mr. Guichard. *“Well,” smid the man, looking up toward the ceiling asif to vefresh his mind and give a true ac- count, 'a wife and twelve children, two married. a hived man, o gang plough, a seeder, & Bain wagon and a pair of mules.” “That’s enough,” said the judge with a smile, and the man got his tinal papers without any further trou- ble. Rigid Economn St. Joseph (Mo.) Herald good story told of the econ - ities of two well-known and wealthy gentlemen living in the east part of town that is a good on for those recklessly extravagant persons who are not possessed of the true spirit of econ- omy. On a certain night one of these gentlemen called on the other to trans- act a littie business at the former’s res- idence, The host lighted a candle that they might examine some papers, but immediately blew it out again, when they were through, leaving both sitting in the dark. “Why did you blow out the candle?” asked the caller. *Oh, we can tali in the dark as well as in the light,and it saves the candie,” wus the replv. hey continued their conversation {d® a short time, when the host heard some mysterious sounds coming from the direction of the caller’s chair, and inquired what his friend was doing. “Why,” said his friend, **It's dark in here, and no one can see me, 801 thought I would take off my trousers to save the wear on them.” There is a By the Quart. The Epoch: An enthusiastic pro- hibitionist, when:he learned that his fellow passenger'‘was from Georgia, tackled him at onte. MI am very glad to know, sir,” he gaid) “that you are a resident of that grand old state. What'’s the latest prohibition news from your section?” *Well,” replied ~the Georgian, ‘‘people; were a little slow in coming around to buy it by the quart at fust, but they've got right smart used to it now, stranger,” ' v New York Truth: Yqung dude—Might I ask you, Miss—ah!—Miss—— Miss de Ball—Véry sorry, sir, but am engaged for the next **Yorke.” Young dude (bracing up)—It is not dancing, Miss—ah—it is, ah—it’s—heg- ging your pawdon, Miss, you are sitting on my hat. No Enlargrment Needed. Lawrence American: County School- master (just out of college)—Don’t you think, Mr. Greene, that the curriculuia should be enlarged next year? Squire Greene (of the school commit- tee)---Enlarged? Not a bit. The buila- ing’s big enough in every way. What ::fi want to do, though, is ter teach more ngs. Retort Coarteous New York Sun: *I'd have you know,” said Cholly Van Antwerp, ‘‘that my rep- <0, AOVYU“DLA L L ILL utation 18 as dear to me ns anyone's can be to him."” “I thould judge that it cost & good deal to get a reputation like yours.’ Its Valuns Increased. Epoch: Wife—Mother wants to come and make us a visit, John, but I'm afraid she never will as long as we have that parrott. She detests parrots. _Husband—Does she. Wife—Yes, and you know you have a standing offer of #50 for that bird. Husband—I wouldn’t sell that parrot for 8150, Hobson's Ohoice. Judge: In court. A lawyer who was pleading a caso noticed that the judge had fallen asleep. “But since there is no one to hear he went on, raising his voice. Pardon,” replied the judge, waking up with a start, ‘it is precisely because 1 was listening to you that L fell asleep.” Professional Cone Merchant Traveler: rible thing,” said Jen physician. “What was that?" asked the doctor. *“That uprising among the 1ron foun- lo tration, “That was a ter- to the family a 0, I badn’t heard of it.” 1t was a general breaking out; an ex- tremely rash affair,’ “But, my dear sit, said the doctor in a far-away, preoceunied tone, ‘there is nothing remarkable in that, A break- i 1 the natural course of things Ho Didn't Try. New York Sun: Driving over the hills of western Jersey last week a reporter stopped at a lonely little cabin, in front of which an old” man was chopping wood, and inquired the distance to An- thony, The lank and aged eitize straightened up and attempted te reply. He got as far R R R R when his face grew rved and his grimaces became distross- Easy Enough | ing. He stopped.took a full breath,and tried again with no better success, He was thoroughly mad now, and his dis- ally suggestive of an at- The old fellow sud- denly gave 1t up nnd broke out without any diffiulty: “Dem ye. drive on and ye'll git there afore I can tell yo.” ck of appoples How Patrick Voted. Boston Transcript: The way which a worth citizen of Irish birth voted the straight demoeratie ticket at the state election last month has just been lated to the listencr b ] ployer. Patrick had been interested in the Australian system, and when his employer met him in the afternoon he asked him: Well, Paf *1 have. si “Did_you have any troubie with the Austr ted “Divil a throuble, sir; I put a neat cross forninst all the repooblicin and ¥ ibitionist names and voted a clane dimmereratic ticket!” you voted?” Didn't Marry Any Phosphate. The Gainesville (Fla.) Advoeate re- s funny craze in cracker enter with a handkerchief full of rock, and id, in u husky but eager and excited whisper: ‘Mister, be you alone? *Yos, sir < the door? ‘Yes, if you w After locking the door n to.’ § and seeing that no one was hiding ar where, the eracker slowly undid his handkerchief and handed some rock to the chemist for s inspection, and asked, *What do you think of that?’ The chemist carefully examined it and said, ‘I do not think much of it,” at the same timo pouring some acid on it which caused it to effervesce like a double refined seidlitz powder. Cracker —What does that show? Chemist— That shows it is a first-class sample of lime, with no bone phosphate about it. Cracker—Boss, you are sure about that stufi? Coemist—Yes, very sure, Crack- er—(with a long-drawn breath)—Well, I've married a widder with a hill plumb full of that stuff, an’ I thought it was phosphate. Say, boss, I'm in fer it ain’t 1?7 Good-by.” S Bad Hand. The widow had just said no. Puc “Life is a me,” said Mr. son Downes, reflectively. I thought it was draw, and I drew for a queen, but it see euchred for me.” **In the said the lady, consol- ingly, ve to go it alone,” “Yes, and what’s worse,” said Mr. Downes, “'I can’t take my partner’s best card.” “I ulways knew you were a horrid mercenary thing,” remarked the widow, as she cut out of the room and left Mr. Dowaes to shufile sadly on his lonesome way. e PEPPIRMINT DROPS, ‘Washington Star: tho world go round. Texas Siftings: It is natural for a cattle king to try o impose tho yoke. Itome Sentinel: he way of the trans- gressor is bard, yet good people tell us it is the easiest thing in the world to follow it. Binghampton Republican: Fogg argues that prohibition can't probibit, because druken men aresure tobe plenty-full every- where, Fliogende Blatter: “Have you scen Tb- sen’s new play!” “To tell the truth, I have not had the time, 1 have been 80 busy writ- ing my criticism upon it. Time: Tailor—You promised me faithfully yesteraay morning that you would call in and settle for that suit last nighy, if it rained pitchforks. Customer-~Yes, 1 know; but it didn’t rain pitchforks. Grand Rapids News: Young Medical Stu- dent (to his swectheart): Do you know, Julia, that the human heart 18 equal to the lifung of 120 pounds every 24 hours? Julia (demurely) : Well, that's just my weight. New York Weekly: Miss McFlimsey (who wauts to gev a par of gloves for & malo friend): Have you any gentlemen’s gloves! N Clerk (glancing at her hlnd): No, out I think 1 can find a ladies’ s will i B Terre Haute Expre New Girl—There's one thing I don't like about the master. Ho keeps calling me wy dear, Mrs. Flagg—0, ou musn't mind that. It's only & habit of is. Why, he even addressos me that way sometimes. ew York Sun: ‘I am from Philadel- phia,” remarked Mr. Chesnut as he took the pen to register at & Now York hotel, “All right,” replied the clerk; “'I'll send a boy up to your room with you to show you bow o turn off the gas.” Perre Haute Express: Mionie: I wonder who was the young men in the fur-trimmed coat and a lllfi that we just passed{ Mamie Oh, he is Chicago traveling man, *“‘Then you know bim, do you!' *“Mel No. But didn't you hear him say ‘I have sawi’ " Puck: “I thought you were going to marry Miss Goldthwaite, Charley. Haven't you bad somo aspirations in that linei” 1 had, but 1t was no go. Her family were all of Poud to it.” Well, buu if the girl herself— ' said all the family. Sue was ove of ew.” Lippincott's Magazine: Dolliver—What a peculiar book reviewer Razzle is! Did you ever notice how confused his ideas seem to bo—how rambling and incohorent! Pom- us—Yes, I've noticed it. (Struck with an dea.) Perhaps he reads the books he re- views, Epoch: The Rev, Dr, Primrose -1 was ae- Jighted to receive those cast-off garments for the poor of my parish. It shows that there 18 still some nope of your beuumlnf a Chris- tian. Brown—Well, you see the old clothes man offered me only six shillings for the lot and I would sooner have thrown them in the Are than be cheated Like that, . Love and liquor make ze that Special Closing Qut Sale! Fine Spectacles, Eye Glasses, Thermomaters, and All Other Optical Goods at Greatly Reduced Prices. SOLID GOLD SPECTACLES, 3. worth 3. , $4 and §5; sold everywhere FINEST GOLD SPECTAC from 86 to §10. BE! ¥ o8, T8c, 81 , with purest white crystal le. only $§2.50; lassces at snme reduction. Eyes tested by our iclan, and a perfeet fit guaranteed In every cas Al visional imperfections correclied. Oculist’s preseriptic filled at ) ost possible prices, 000 TH highest grad Only a fe WATCH A\l nty MAX MEYER JEWELERS AND OPTICIANS. - - COR. 16TH AND FARNAM STS. SET OF TEETH ON RUBBER For Five Dollars. DR.R. W.BAILEY, Dentist, Paxton Block, 16th and Farnam Streets. We Are Here to Stay and having within the past two months largely increased ou§ Y, DIAMONDS: price, & BRO,, office room, are now bletter prenared to turn outthe bestclass o work, and much more rapidly than heretofore. . We make a full se ofteeth on rubber for FIVE DOLLARS, guaranteed to be as wel made as plates sent out of any dental office in this country. Do not let otlu]w influence you not to come, but make us a cail and see for yourself, Teeth extracted WITHOUT PAIN, and without using chloroform gas, ether or electricity. Filling at lowest rates. Remember the los cation. DR. BAILEY, Dentist, Paxton Block. Open evenings until 8 o'clock Take elevator on 16th street. 16th and Farnam, DIAMONDs ilver OMAHA i WEGARRY a GCOMPLETE STOCK. WRITE FOR CATALOGUE AND PRICES. JAMES MORTON & SON, Agents. Telephone 437, 1511 Dodge St. = — - DEWEY & STONE, Furniture Company A magnificent display of everything useful and ornamental in the furniture maker’s art at reasonable prices. H. A KINNEY RICAL ENGINEER AND CO. 'nub'ron, REPRESENTING CHICAGO OFFICE Brush Electric Company. Estimates and plans furnished, Correspondence solicited, 832-883 N. Y. Life Building, -~ - o Omabha, == — A COMPLETE STOCK OF Tce T ools HIMEBAUGH & TAYLOR, 1405 Dougias St. Send for catalogue, ETCHINGS - SFEMERSON, ENGRAVINGS, &3 SFHALLET & DAVIS ARTIST SUPPLIES 83 &FKIMBALL, MOULDINGS, e S PIANOS & ORGANS FRAMES, r & SHEET MUSIC, 1613 Douglas Street, Omaha, Nebraska Excelsior Springs, Mo. | MAX GEISER, lmporter of and Dealer in All Kinds of NATURE'S GREAT SANITARIUM. waroncs arar sonroos, | BI0S, Figh a00R aro Avimals of Health Resorts, BIRD CAGES, FOUNTAIN AQUAR. THE ELMS, & of the Fine Hotels of the 1UMS, SHELLS, ETC, ' 417 S, 15th St in 1(s attractiveness, furnishings and culsine. San: OM AFA - A ith Hect. 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