Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, January 5, 1890, Page 10

THE OMAHA DAILY BEE: SUNDAY JANUARY SIXTEEN PAGES TRE BRITISH GOLD INVASION, What the Solons at the Capital Think About It. IT MAY PRODUCE A PANIC, Bo Says Senator Sherman, But Phile- tusSawyer Thinks Otherwise—Sen- ator Paadock Views ths Question From a Western Standpol nt. John Bal (Copyrighted 189 by ‘penter.) Wasnivaroy, Dec. Special to Tne Ber.|—I have interviewed a number of the leading capitalists of Washington as to the offect of the invasion of English capital which has been going on to such an extent in America during the past year, Within the last six months the English have invested . millions of dollars in all sorts of American industrios from brewerios to iron works, and the quostion as to whether these investments are to result in Anglo-American monopolies, whether they are to affect the relations of labor and capital and whether they are likely to involve us in international compli- cations with England are subjects of g reatin terest. Some of the men interviewed, how- ever, approhiend no danger and say thatEng- land may send on her mon and America will see that it is pat where it wiil do the most good. Others think the effect of their investmonts will be disastrous. BENATOR SHERMAN OBJECTS TO §UCIL INVEST- MENTS. Senator Sherman, ex-secretary of the treasury, and one of the leading financial thinkers of the United States, was found in W18 committee room atthe capitol. He said: “The English are now secking Invest- ments 10 every part of tho world, and the ag- grogation of capital in England is wonderful. Their money has been gathered from all of e four quarters of the earth made from en- “Sevprises of every kind, Thero is so much of At that the interest on a large part does not exceed 2 per cent. And a great part of it is more or iess dormant, The Kngllsh capital- « ist bave discovered that in America there re great enterprises icreasing and expand- ingin a wonderful degree, and their obser va- { tion and experience shows them that certain nvestments here yield from 5 to (% per cent and = more. The di ference between this and the low rate in England is a very great temptation to Eng- lish nvestors and ther are avauing them- selves of such imvestments to an extent al- most unknown in business operations. I think the effect of such investments upon aur own country is injurious. Much of the ‘American capital which will thus be relieved from . employment will seek investment in visionary speculations and this will very likely disturb the market with useless sup- plies nnd may in t.e end produce pauic and disastor, SENATOR COCKRELL'S VIEWS. I met Senator Cockrell of Missour: ina streot car going out to the capitol, and asked him as t4 whether any English capital bad been invested in his state, He replied: ‘‘Yes, thoy have been buying up some of our breweries in St. Louis, and I think they will probably make money out of them. Trom what I can learn they are making their investments in a legitimate way. They investigate the books of the concerns they buy for a half-dozen years back and base their calculations upon the profits the works have paid during this time. I1f they think they will net them six per cent in the future they are satisfied to pay a propor- tionate sum for them, They don’t expect the high rates of interest that we do, and il they run their establishments carefully I don’t see why they should not prosper.’’ “Do you think such an investments are to the interest of the people of tho United States? Lasked: “I can’t say as to that,”” replied Senator Cookreil. *‘It depends on who controls them and how they are run, If they should get cantrol of our manufacturing establish- ments and should monovolise our protected industries so that they should supply just enough and no more than our present de- mands without attempting to make supplies for exportation, I can see whera they might make the condition of our foreign commerce even worse thun it now is. They might have their Eoglish branches which might supply the demaud for the rest of the world, and thus push England to the frontand hold America back. 1n such a way the use of foroign _cheap labor could be _ nti- lized. Prices could be put down abroad and they could be kept up here to the high tariff basis, So far as I see they have \not been watering their stock. And this is in their favor, for the watering of the stock _of business enterprises is one of the curses of the country. WHAT A ONE HUNDRED MILLIONAIRE THINKS. Senator Stanford .is one of the greatest capitalists in the Umted States, He is ‘wyorth nearly $100,000,000 and is a man of ideas, 1 found him at his home on Farragut ‘square. He said: *'At first thought the idea of the English fnvesting in and_ controlling large establish- ments 1 this country 18 repuzmant and I have not liked it. I apprehend, however, no danger from it. The English are paymng Rgood prices for everything they buy and this capital is at once reinvested and our ‘yolume of invested money 18 thus increased. ‘We have room for plenty of money. Our «country is still in the infancy of 1ts develop- ment, and the situation is not as it would ba if we had a surplus of capital. I don’t think such investments will result in English monopolies in America. Aud the moment they take on this character and attempt to 'raise prices, American competition will rush ‘in and crush them. Americau brains and ‘money making capacity are certainly equal 'to thoso of the Euglish and I think that we ‘can hold our own. “But will not soch investments cause inter-national complications “1 cannot see how international complica- 1lons can arise from such investments, enid Senator Stanford. “I do not, nowever, believe 1o allowing for- eigners’ to own large blocks of and in the United States. SENATOR PHILETUS BAWYER—A LUMBER MIL- LIONAIRE. Senator Sawyer of Wisconsin s another at capitalist, Starting life as a laborer now owus millions of dollars’ worth of pive land and lumber mills. The fences about his Texas farms are miles in extent, wd he is the possessor of & gold mine near ashington, He is a practical business shinker aud when I ed him as to the effect of English capital upon America, he replied: I have not thought much on the subjec ‘but I can see no harm in Eogland sending | the money she has to spare. Wo kave a country with immenso resources yet to aeveloved. The money received from these Englishmen will be well lovested by Americans, and the whole will be at any rate but a drop in the bucket. It will be ab- sorbed by our people and will tend to our advautage. I do not approhend that any internationai troubles could possibly arise from it. In the west we need all the money we cun get,aud we are roady to let American brams and ability take its chances at eventually controling any sums which are sent here by England,” SENATOR PADDOCK 18 another senatorial milliona He tells me that while he bas given the subject some thought be has not as yet formed a settled judgment of theprobable effect of these in- Vestments upon the business, political and social conditions of the country. 8 he: eed the best evidence—that which exper! — present attainable. It w only a few mouths since these large acquisi- tions commenced and there has not been suf ficient time for avy effects whatever to be except bossibly that of the re- leasing of cousiderable logal eapital hitherto employed 1n these enterprises and its re- placement by tbe woney of thesu foreign urohases.’ PRI Bot unlikely that this has operated somewhat Lo ease the pressure from the in- creased demand upon our home capital, inci- dent to the recent revival of business toroughout the country, 1f these invest- ments should coutinue on tho enormous scale mh:d there would be an equally lurge ro- o spouding ton. home ital which would corre- ly huru“nao the volume of the avail- able monoy of the country, almost certainly advance values generally, and not unlikely cheapen interost. “Undoubtedly the business field in this country is too extensive for the capital in the hauds of our people at the present time; and thus in obedience to the inexorable law of supply and demand our interest are uni the cheap money of Europe as with its cheap labor. 1f, therefore, a part of the surplus of three per cent moriey of Kurope could be transterred permanently to these enter prises, although the proprietorship thereof should pass into fornign hands, I think we woula be materially strengthened in our competitive commercinl race with other na- tions. 11 the money once comes to us, [do not see how it can got away again, It is true the increment in the form of dividends would go, and yet it is not unlikely that a con- siderable bart of this might be left with us in new investmonts,” THE WEST NERDS MONEY “In the west, where there is so much room for development and where the inadequacy of capital 18 80 seriously felt, we are not onl willing but anxious to have these Kuglish people with their money take hold with us. We are building up great commercial and manutacturing contres to supply a country greater in_area than all Europe, which is developing with unprecedeated rapidity. We should like their help and we are willing to take all the inmginary chances incident to foreign proprictorshin in our industrial en- terprises if they will unite their capital with our pluck and our labor for the upbuilding of our incomparably rich, fertile and prosperous section.” REPRESENTATIVE ROSWELL P. FLOWER, ‘The self-same millionaire of New York said: *'I have no objection to England send- ing over here all the money she has to spare We have a great country and we can use a lot of money. The English 1 happen 1o know are paying very high prices for what they get and their investments will let alarge amount of money loose to go into other fislds of development. This will lower the rate of interest and will stimulate enterprise. [ am not_afraid of Kngland ever getting such a hold on our industries as will injure the rela- tions of labor and capital in this country and if they attempt to raise prices or to reduce wages the competition of trade is such that other companies will be started aud they will be forced to adapt themselves to the condition of the country.’ FROM A LADOR STANDPOINT. The Hon. John J. O'Neill represonts the 1aboring men of St. Louis and he was one of the leading savocates of this class when he was in congress. In speaking of this question he said last unight: I cannot see now such investments can be good for the country. 'Trusts and monopolies ure always created to- increase the profits and to reduce the cost of produc- tion. This means reduciug wagesand reduc- ing the number of workmen. It means an increase of the cost to tho consumer if possi- ble and it is bad for allconcorned. As far as the luglish element is concerned I am opposed on general princivles to any English ihvasion of America. Iam an Irishman and an Irish sympathizer, and I especially object to the Enghsh owning large lots of land in this country as they do in many of the west- ern states, 1t seews to me that suc sions are evidence of the irony of people on the other side leave their homes to get away from these capitalists and their ex- actions.” ‘They come to the west and find that the 1and is owned by their old masters.” SENATOR STOCKDRIDGE ILLUSTRATES HiS VIEWS. Senator Stockbridge of Michigan is ono of the great capitalists of that state. He 1s a solid business man and nas a head packed full of common sense. Said he: *Ido not aporehend any danger from the English m- vasion, and [ think that the ouly argument aguiust it is in the trust or monopoly ment, which would be bad for us if the in- vestmeuts were made by Americans. And after all, thers is not so much daugoer trusts. If amonopoly makes a lotof money, others will rusn_io and compote, and Amer- ican brams and American capital are not going to allow the English to make fortunes at their expense. I will givoyouan instance in @ small way a8 to how the trusts and mo- nopolies work. . There 1s a big carriage wheel factory at Kalamazoo, Mich. It 15 run by the people of that aty, but a large part of the stock has been owned Dby companies w Sandusky and Fort Wayne, These compauies also make carriage wheels. They found nov long ago that the Kalamuzoo brauch was hurting their business and they concluded to buy up the majority of the stock and shut it down. They did buy it but the Kalamazoo people organized and said that if they did not sell back this stock to them at par they would organize another factory and cut the prices, They could do this a8 Kalamazoo is the chief market for carciage wheels. Theontwside companies had paid $125 for their stock but they were glad 10 sell it to Kalamazoo pocple at $100. “Another oxample of trusts was in my own experience,” continued Senator Stock- bridge. *A smart young wagonmaker came to me ono day and showed me a drawing of @ road cart. Said he: “This is a better road cart than the one now in use, which sells at a high price. 1have a patent on this machine and we can make it for 38, If you will advauce the money we will start a factory and putit on the market. I kuew theman, His scheme was agood one. I leut him 810,000 to start his business and we made money from the start. The cart which cost me &3 we sold by the carload for $18 and at retail for $25. The man paid back the whole of that $10,000 the first year, and we made money right along for four or five years, Then the other factories saw through our profits and half a dozen new institutions were started. The profits ran down and the carts retailed for $10. I then drew out, and my man, who had saved a good deal, invested in something else. *“The English are paying us bigh rates for everything they get,” he coutinued, “‘and I 3o not think they will get back 50 cents on the dodlar for what they are paying. They are getting our men to run their institutions at high salaries. - They will have trouble with these sooner or later and will bave to manage their work with inexperienced hands. The disaster will fall on the inno- cent purchasers of the stocks. The men who are getting up_compauies are of course making money. You understand how it is done. They pay $100,000 for an establish- ment and stock the company at $150,000, and the extra $50,000 goes %0 the cetters-up of the companies, [ happened to know that some of the establishments in Michigan which they have been buying have not been making momey for some time, and thut they have had a hard row to hos on the Awmerican basis.” 3 “How about lumber, senator?”’ “I Naye not heard of & lumber trust,” said this millionawe pine forest owner. *“When they are ready to buy lumber wills or pice lands I will sell them a mill or two, and I will hope to make enough off them to buy a house in Washington.” FRANK G. CARPENTER. Is God a Myth ? Kathie Fernandez, “In God & myth{" Tausked the flowers, the brooks, From each the answer ringeth, “My God, thy God, is not a myth. “Is God & myth?" 1 asked the mountains aud the vales, ‘The oceans and the rivers, High and low; Each cried in indignation, “‘Nol “My God, thy God, 1s not & myth." “1s God a mytni" 1 asked a little child (The purest blossom in this world deflled). »I'm sure 'tis 80."" With woondering look she answered, *No! “My God, thy God, is not a mytl." But still I doubted "Lill the years rolled round Aud sorrow's haud had pressed me to tho round, And then I found Him, So, as sileutly the tear-drops steal, 1 thank him now that he is real, And is no myth, ettt ‘When you are coustipated, with loss of appenw, headache, take one of Dr. J. H, McLean’s Little Liver and Kid- ney Pillets. They are pleasant to take and will cure you. 25 ceuts a vial. T Salyini's youngest daughter (the chila of his brief second marriage) is being educated &t the Sautissima Aununziata school in Flor. euce. Last year her father coached her and her schoolmates for the prize-day perform- ances, and every one wondered at the chil- dren & gifts for elocution, Salvinl's married aaughter bas a passion for the stage, but her :ulhpr will not allow ber to adopt the pro- ession. it sl ‘Why don’t you try Red Cross Cough Drops, 5 ceuts per box. THOUGHTS IN LIGHTER VEIN. Walfs from the World of Wit and Humor. WANTED, NO ANGELS IN THEIR'S. Discouraging Attempt to by Honest in Arizona—The Pompous Party Wilted—A Boom in ns— The Stamps Stuck. The Seorit of Her Immortality. C. F. Lummis in Drake's Magaztne. Mary had a little lamb— You knew it long ago! Of course! But why she lasts so well, Perhaps you may not Know. It followed her to sctiool one lay, And browsed about the yard, Where Mary lot the childron pla While she read Brown-Sequard. For Mary was the teacher now, And very much afraid, Lest those who saw her wrinkled brow, Should call her “that old maid.” But casos that she read about Such wisdom did impart She torned her lambio in To triturate its heart, ido-ont She deftly ground the leans and fats, Diluted it, aud hy- Podermically took it—that's Why Mary cannot die! Americes last sum- mer o New Euglander moved out to a small town in Arizona and announced his intention of opening up a first class grocery., Ho had a number of bills posted up, dwelling particularly on the net that the business was to be con- ducted square and above board. Just as he was gett ready to open shop a deputation of citizens cailed on him and asked the newcomer if the statements on the plneard were made in good faith. “You mought as well give us the hull truth about thisthing,” said the leader. Y ou mean to say theve hain't going to be no water 1n the vinegar?” “That’'s what I mean, si replied the stranger, a little surprised; “nor no sand in the sugar.” “*Ain’t they goin’ to be beans in the coffee?™ **Most ds “Nor chici “Never. word for it. The crowd seemed moment, and the consultation, said: idealy not, sir.” ory, nuther?”’ ygcm.\cmcu, I give you my nonplussed for a leader held a short at the end of which he e’ve concluded that you are a suspicious character, But first let me ask _you' i®your cigars arve going to be londed—with cabbage, you know?” +Not while I—" “That'sall we wanted to know. We gin you twenty-fourhours to leave town and you better leave. When we're in uneed o' angels we’ll drop you a postal card, Good-day, stranger,” and the deputation filed out. 1y, stranger The Pomvous Party Wilted. New York Sun: A stout and aggres- sive woman elbowed her way up to the silver counter at one of the big stores the other day and said pompously to the clerk, who was waiting at the time on some one else: *‘How much are your toothpicks?” “We don’t keep them at this coun- ter,” said the girl. The portly and haughty woman’ crushed the girl, or tried to, with a look of scorn, ard repeated: “I asked you how much are those toothpicks?” “The girl was evidently mystified, and replied again: *‘We don’t keep them here, madam.” “You don’t keep them? Then what are those?” exclaimed the woman, with a haughty gesture toward a little vel- vet-lined box containing a dozen sharp- pointed implements four or five inches long. “Those are nut-picks, madam,” the girl, in a cruelly distinct voice: The Laughty woman lost berself in the crowd with neatness and dispatch. said A Corner in Guns, Drake’s Magazine: Clerk in Kansas hardware store—I see that the authori- ties have ordered a county seat elec- tion. Proprietor—Is that so? come off? *Two weeks from today."” “Great Scott! sosoon as that? Look here, go right down and telegrapk for'a largo order of guns and ammunition. Tell them to hustle them through dout le quick. County seat elections don’t come every day, and we must stir our stumps to clear 81,000 on this one.” When does it The Man With the Coonskin Cap. New York Sun: One night a year ago there were half a dozen of us to go up to the village hotel in the rickety old bus, and among the crowd was a solemn looking old chap dressed in very plain goods and wearing a coonskin cap. It was the typical villuge hotel landlord in the barroom, a very fresh young man behind the register, mighty little for supper, and that poorly cooked, and there was more or less growling. ' The man with the coonskin cap was treated very brusquely by the_clerk, and.the frowsy-headed waiter girl didn’t seem to care whether he had anything to eat or not. He didn’t say much, but it was evident that he was mad. After supper the landlord and ‘‘Coon- skin” bad a private confab. ‘When it was ended the old mun came down stairs, opened the front.door, and then turned to the clerk and said: *You git.” “What do you mean?” “I have rented this hotel. - Skip!” The clerk put on his coat and hat and walked out. The “Coonskin” sent word to the cook and waiter fiirl to be out in half an hour, and for the barkeeper to vacate by noon the next day. He kindly allowed us to stop over night, but we had to get our breakfast at a bakery. By noon the doors of the hotel were locked up, signs of “‘Closed” sted, and as we footed it down to the epot the solemn old man thuwed out ciently to observe: “I'm after seven more of ’em along this line of railroad, and if I can shut ’em up the public will be in my debt. T have figured it out to my entire satis- faction, and I truly believe that three- fifths of the crime in this country is in- cited by poor hotelkeeping.” The Stamps Stuck to His Pate. Savannah News: An amusing inci- dent occurred in the postoffice yester- day. Stamp Clerk Lemcke had just sold a natty old gentleman a dollar’s worth of #25,” The old man was won- dering where to put them, when he ac- cidentally put his damp fingers on tho sticky side of the stamps and they began to stick together, *'Say, how do you keep these things from sticking?” he asked. “Rub them on your head,” the clerk replied. “'Ab, that's & new scheme,” said the purchaser of the stamps; and he re- moved his hat and began to rub them over his bald head. “The longer we live the more we learn,” he said smiliug, as he allowed | the stamps to femaju on his hoad while he paid for tHem and put some papers back into his coat pocket. The stamps stuck. ““There, now. That's —,"" ho said, as he reached up nnd tried to remove the stamps. They were sticking closer than a brother to the shiny white scalp. He tore one of them off, and he said it brought thq skin. The clerks could not contain' tiemselves, and the bald- neaded old gentleman slapped his hat over his head and hurried off to get a sham poo, il Mersiy aLonisville Hotel Louisville ‘C$urier-Journal There is an advertisementof a Louisville hotel in one of the country papers which comes a little nearer Scaring away the rural rooster than y other announce- ment he could read. As a pieco of Hummery in the writing line it is also o o and simple. This is an ex- ““Notwithstanding. the cision, and stately gr with which hospitality is dispensed and the luxu- riant and varied food served to guests, the cost is no greater than av hotels far more ordinary. At the —one meets only the most” vefined people. In the spacious and magnificent dining-hall hundreds of elegantly caparisoned low- voiced ladies and gentlemen may be soen at table, whose ease and grace of manner indicate that they have enjoved all the advantages calculated to reline and elevate. No coarse or boisterous conversation is heard in all the v semblage of those who congr its hail, that is almost baronial in its grandeur. The rapid but almost noise- leos step of the tidy, polite and atten- tive servants superinduce the thought of ‘automatons,’ so regularand noiseless are their movements. Those of our best people who fail to visit this pala- tial home make a graud mistake.’” They Don't Grow in This Country. Washington Post: We believe we have no such chumpish lawyers as the order, pre- oue of whom the story is told 1n London. When he was a_young man his father retired from practice, leaving the busi- nessto him, Within'a week the young ¢ camo home and proudly pro- of your practice.” t is that, my son” L have settled that Noe estate case.” “'Settled 1t, my son? Settled it, did you say?” “Yes father, I settled it in three days, and I could have done it_in one if the judge had been at home.” *Young man,” said the astonished parent, u e an ass, a consummate Why sir, four generations of your ancestors have lived on that case and grown rich, and youand your children’s children might have done the same if you had not been an egregious ass.” Nothing New. Youth’s Companion: Uncle Abi- melech Barnes; regards himself as dreadfully abused by his wife, Aunt Amanda, who'scolds him move or less, doubtless with good reason. The other day Aunt Amanda com- plained of being ill, and sent Uncle Abimelech for the doctor. The physi- cian arrived, felt Aunt Amanda’s pulse, and told her to'show her tongue. **Nm!” said the doctor, shaking his head. A pretty bad tongue, Mrs. Barnes; a very bud tongue.’ TUncle Abimglech wriggled a little at this, and presently managed to get the physician a little to one side. “*Look a-here,idoctor,” said he, in a whisper, **that don’t prove nothin’ at all, She’shad the wust kind of atongue ever since we Wi narried!” The Fagac'ous Umbrelin. Philadelphia Record: The umbrella thief is real, he is in earnest, and he is shrowd, Ouly a few days ago a pugilis- tic individual entered the corridor of a Philadeiphia hotel and rested his *all silk” in_a corner with this pasteboard fastened to i The man who owns this umbrella can knook down an i ox, and will be back in five . : minutes. In one minute and a half the treas- ured article was gone and in its place was this The gentleman who took : this nmbrella can wall ten miles an hour, and won't be back at all. Carrie's Mathematics. Harper’s Young People: Carrie camo home from school the other day rather deprassed about her examination. “‘How did you get on with your ques- tions?” asked mammn. *“I’m not sure of but just ong question, but I know T got that right.” “What was it A man was born in 1841 and died in 1883; how old was he?” “And what was your answer?"” “Oh, 1 added 1811 and 1883 together. It wade an_awful old man, I guess it must have been Methuseluh.” A Paraphri Boston Courie The winter will surely be very severe Aud will blasts will sweep in from th For the hens in a newhboring cellar, we hear, ‘This week have been | g in coal, At a Pubhic Dinner. Time: Mrs. Pongoe—Isn’t that Mr, Dolliver near the chairman? Pongee—Yes, my dear. How utterly miserable he is! heen i1? O, no; he’s all right. The poor fellow is booked for a funny speech tonight. Keeping Up the upply. Detroit Trig,\iqq: Freddie G., aged five, contracted tho habit of eating his food very rapi 1{ . Repeated scoldings failed to correct tfie habit. Finally his mother one day apngrily suid: “Freddie, what makes you eat so fasty” 1870 With a moutlifal of food, and without stopping for an‘instant in his mastica- tory operations,’the youngster mum- bled: ol *Tause I want to see what's tuming next.” of SalVidt dustified, MIJIISB{;I Wed) Father (who has taken Johnny ‘tb''see Signor Salvini)— Johnny, you have read Shakespeare? This is one of:“Mis celebrated plays— *Othello.” 1a0i Johnny—Wellsga,what makes Othello talk in Italian all the time? Father—Why, Othello came Venice, didn’t he? Johuny—'Tain’t that. I know what it is. Othello’s got a scandal he wants to keep from the reporters.. + Chinched at Last. Drake’s Magazine: Feelhis Oates (dogmatically)—No, sir, woman can’t be compared to man in intellectual ca- m'; why, look at the Griggses, good iood, related to Mary Anderson, you know. Anybody can see that the men of the family are smarter’n the women, Skeptic—Well, ain’t Mary Anderson a woman? Foelhis Oates — Why, ’er, yes, of course; but (triumphantly) wasn’t her father & man? One Thing Funny. Sowersville Journal: “‘There is one Has he from thing thav always strikes me as fanny about your productions,’” said the editor to the amateur humorist, “Is that so?”" said the humorist, with a pleased expression on his ‘and what is that? Why, that you should think that they are funny yourself,” said the edi- tor; and the pleased expression van- ished like turkey at a newsboys’ dinner on Thanksgiving day. A Partial Victory. Now York Sun: First Boy—O, T got away with mother toduy. She tried to make me como in the house soshe could whip me, and I wouldn't do it. Second Boy—Bully for you! What aid she do¥ “Oh, she whipped me, but she had to come out in the yard to do it.” He Made It Right. Detroit F'ree Press: A boy about ten years old was yesterday observed to drop five postage stamps into one of the letter hoxes in t ce, and as he turned aw sked: “Why did you do that? “To make it all vight,” was the roply. “How all right?” “Why, I dropped five letters in here yesterday without any stamps on. We ao business in chattel mo: e8, but we never try to beat a postoflice.” A Suggestion. *“Well, sir,”’ said the railway superin- tendent to a forlorn looking man who had gained admittance to his presence, “what do you want?” I would like a situation rond,” i “No place for you, T think.” “But there is; I want to be inter- preter. “Interpretor?’ “Yes, sir; to tell the passengers what the brakeman says when he is calling out the names of the stations.” The superintendent studied a fow minutes and then told the man to call luter, on your On o Wrong Tack. Washington Post: A sraall boy up on Thirteenth street was heard gravely mumbling over a single sentence one Sunday recently. His mother caught a word or twoand drew near to cateh the whole. *Why, son,” said she, gasping, ‘Lwhat dve you saying?" “Why, my Sunday school teacher told us to 'member the text of the sermon, and I'm saying it over so us to 'member it. ‘Pronounce the devil of the Baptist church.” ™ It took the good lady five minutes to figure out the real text. It was: “‘Re- nounce the devil and all his works.” Don’t buy trashy imitations, Get the genuine Red Cross Cough Drops. -~ SINGULARITIES, Walter Williams has just killed a pure \‘Vlli‘fl muskrat on Dennis creek meadows, o, At Williamsvort, Md., is a maple tree that nas a tull ¢crop of green leaves, while every one of its neighbors is dry and leafless, The deepest bored hole in the world 18 in Schladenbacn—5,7:44 feet. It took a diamona drill three years and a half to reach the bot- tom. Babies born with teoth are becoming nu- merous in Ohio. A New Lisbon woman has ababe that had two front teeth before it was aday old, As Peter Bauer of Pottsville, wae open- ing a large oyster a strange fish flipped out. It had eaten part of the oyster. It had tho head of acatfish. The Sandwich Islacder’s pipe is made of virgin cork ined with meerschaum, and is curious by reason of the pattern on the cork made by the insects that feed upon the tree. 1t is like delicate luce work. A duck belonging to a Rockland, Me., man was frozen intoa pond the other night and was found in the morning with just her head out of the ice. The ice was broken and the duck freed, apparently noune the worse for her night out. A Beaver Falls man says he caught a rat by placing an apple core with a string tied to it near the rodent's hole. Then he waited and watched until the ratcame out and swallowed the core, string and all. The man then pulled on thes‘ring and killed the rat. Situated on the farm of Scott West, in the town of Fayette, Me., are two living springs. only a few rods apart, but on opposite shops of awatershed. Rills running in diffcrent directions from these respective springs raverse each a distance of more than fifty miles before they reach the same destination, “Goliath,” one of the biggest trees of Cal- fornia, 18 @ solid tree Inessuring twent three feet through at the ground, twenty feet at five feet above the spreading base, and seventeen feet sull higher up. It has been ostimated that its weigh is 100,000 tons, and that it would make 1,500,000 feet, board measure, of clear lumber, the branches top piling up 100 cords of wood. There is a curiosity along the Fairmont, Morgantown & Pittsburg railrond, about six miles above town, worth noticing, says the Morgantown, Pa., Post. Two sycamore trees, standing about ten feet apart, are joined together by a limb fifteen inches in diameter,and it's dollars to doughnuts which tree it started to grow from. Thoy are the only Siamese twins in this vicinity. A young man in Bowdoioham, Me., re- cently set & box trap beside a hrook for the vurpose of catching a mink he had seen in the vicinity many times, He baited the spindle of the trap with meat. Soon after he had setthe trap a beavy rain set in,which caused the brook to rise over the ground where the trap was placed. After the water had subsided somewhat he went to look after the trap and found it was still where he had set i, but 1t was sprung, hinking he had caught the mink he carefully peeked in, but instead of & mink he found a trout about fourteen inches l0ng. e IMPIETIES, In missionury land they never asi preacher through!” They say, done?" A Bainbridge girl writes to ask what a demi-train is, Iv1s almost what a man says when he misses a train, ‘When o tract distributer says all men will be lost who do not believe as ho does he should be made to retract. the minister is coming.” ‘‘What makes you think so! Do you see himi" *Noj; but L saw pa take the parrot and lock it up in the stable.”” “My friend,” smid & clergyman to a Weary- looking strauges, “do you' want 10 go to heaven?’ “Not now, thank you. I'm an editor, you know, and haven't any time to spare.” Mr. Wickwire, do you not feel that you are ready v enter the churchi Wickwire—L would have done so long ago, but 1 hate to deprive my wife of the satisfaction of pray- ing for me evéry Thursday evening. Minister—I am surprised to see you skat- ing on the holy Sabbath, my young man. The Sunday school is the proper ,tlws for you. Small boy—Oh, that's all right; I'm koing to stop in time for that. Rey. Dr. Discord—Why, dear Jack, I am iad to see you. You are looking so well. hat have you been doing? k Seraggs— Pitching for a league club av $5,000 a year. What are you dowgi Discord—Preaching for u chapel at $00 a year! Rev. Mrs. Poorlypaid—If you want me to fix your trousers, darling, you'll have to go down town and buy some buttons. Rev. Mr, Pooriypaid—O, that's & needless oxpense, my dear. 1 am going to take up a collection for foreign wissions tomorrow . A lady that she heard a colored preacher say: *‘De fo' part of de house will Pplease sit aown; fo' de hind part cannot see de fo' part if de fo’ part persist in standing befo’ de hind part, to de u obsclusion of de hind part by de fo' part.” Young Miss Wilgus—Whereare you going, papat The Rev. Mr. Wilgus—To "the tem- perance meeting. We intend o iusugurate @ movement to save the young wen of the country. Young Miss Wilgus—Try aud save & real nice one for wme, will you, papa dsari! . Cozzens hotel, $1.50 and $2.00 per day, MAX MEYER & BRO.- JEWIELERS, Will sell for the next 10 days, at the Lowes Auction Quotations, all of the stockleft of ou retail department. Some of the most desira- ble goods in Diamonds, Watches, Jewelry, Art Good Bronzes, Clocks, etc., etc. Remember_the opportunity will last but 10 days only. Store for rent and Fixtures for sale. MAX MEYER & BRO. Cor. 16th and Farnam Streets. SET OF TEETH ON RUBBER For Five Dollars. DR.R. W.BAILEY, Dentist, Paxton Block, 16th and Farnam Streets. We Are Here to Stay and having within the past two months largely inoreased our office room, are now ketter prepared to turn outthe bestclass of work, and much more rapidly than heretofore. We make a full set ofteeth on rubber for FIVE DOLLARS, guaranteed to be as v made as plates sent out of any dental offi in this country. Do let others influence you not to come, but make us a cail and see yourself, Teeth extracted WITHOUT PAIN, and without using chlorofor m gas, ether or electricity. Filling at lowest rates, Remeraber the lo- cation. DR. BAILEY, Dentist, Paxton Block. Open evenings until 8 o'clock Take elevator on 16th street, 16th and Farnam. Cut this out. Mention thispaper. CIEL e L. M. PICCARD, $4.00 @&/ Best Gold Spectacles Reduced< B4.00 Ramge Block, Corner 15th and Harney Streets, Omaha. -~ WO00D'S == |ce Tools aGOMPLETE STOCK. WEGARRY WRITE FOR CATALOGUE AND PRICES. JAMES MORTON & SON, Agents. Telephone 437. 1511 Dodge St. DEWEY & STONE, Furniture Company A magnificent display of everything useful and ornamental in the furniture maker’s art at reasonable prices. ETCHINGS, ENGRAVINGS, e ARTIST SUPPLIES &8 MOULDINGS, e 4 EMERSON, ¥ HALLET & DAVIS &)&%ln&mub,nm\\ ANOS & ORGANS FRAMES, . ¥SHELT MUSIC. 1513 Douglas Street, Omaha, Nebraska = ELECTRICAL ENGIN REPRE Brush Electric Company. EER AND CONTRACTOR, NTING CHICAGO OFFICE Estimates and pluns furnished, Correspondence solicited, 882-838 N, Y, Life-Bullaing,, =~ = = = = Omaha. MAX GEISER, Importer of and Dealer in All Kinds of Birds, Fish and Rare Auimals BIRD CAGES, FOUNTAIN AQUAR- IUMS, SHELLS, ETC. IMPORTED BIRD SEED ASPECIAL 1Y 417 S, 15th St, OMAHA - - - NEB CHIGHESTER NaLIsH PENNYROYAL PILLS 'WEG CROBS DIAMOND BRAND. YUY sat et .fl“l". | A Manhood 2E8Tonse: outhful lmprudence, b Ty S e WAH CHONG, Tmporter of all kinds of Chinese & Japanese Fancy Goods Silk Handkerchiefs, nl:::y Toys, Screens, Fancy > A FULL LINE OF TEAS AND COFFE 116 North 16th 8t, - Omaha, Neb The Boy’s Holiday. ‘The best Youth's Paper Ever Pubiished. Will Be Out Jan. 7Tth. Exawiue the First Number. ¥or sale by all newsdealers PRICE § Cents. 1817 poutia w SPENCER OTIS, Oy Mechanical E D PATENT OFFICE WORK A BPECIALTY, sendvivaluah tresilis m--udhmr;fi:nlu it o cure. . Dlendid medical work read by ‘svery ian who Is nervous and debilitated. ddress, rof, ¥, C, FOWLER, Moodus,Conts REARIIEE