Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, October 20, 1889, Page 10

o DIRIGOS W Warranted Hand Made and The Best 5¢ Cioar in America Long Clear Havana Filler BIRLY U e 3¢ |5 8] The above cigars can be found at the following places C. Hansen, 701 N. 16th St W. R. Picard. 1723 StMary's Ave. R. M. Downey, 2201 Farnam St. F. Stabrei, sor N. 13th St. W. S. Marr, 2813 Leavenworth St. Ed. N. Brown, 712 N. 16th St. J. S. Lyon, Woodbinc D. Davidson. South ( Wm. Gentleman, 501 - JAMES MORTON & SON, BUILLDERS IARDWAIRK, Cutlery, Mechanics’ Tools, Telephone 437, One door west of Postoffica. 1511 Dodge St. "HALLET & DAVIS ARTIST SU l’l l 1F, L5 JR MOULDINGS, [ 54 ETCHINGS & EMERSON, ENGRAV &"I\IMH'\I L, Mgt PIANOS& ORGANS, qb; & SHEET ;\1[ SIC. 1518 Douglas Street, Omaha, Nebraska. SAYINGS OF THE FONNY MEN, Waifs From the World of Wit and Humor. DIDN'T WANT ANY CHEAP TRASH. Asked For a Drink, most a Proposal—A Versatile Contributor—Struck the Right Man. mate that was on } 2 “Gave him that? Why.d saw dozen flies on it.” “Well, know, mum. Oi didn’t like to waste “*Oh, you needn’t have thrown it aw You might have given it to some poor person. b pace o is plate. least Oi didn’t it.” Misunderstood Traveler (from Kentuc can [ get a drink Lere of the house—( inly: the well. Traveler (with a courtly gesture) —Madam, you wmisunderstand me. I don’t wish to wash my hands; I want o driuk. He Caught oo Chicago Ledger troducing & new which— Business Man use for a hair am bald? Pedler---Yes, haps- - Business Life: Madam, ot a Bath—-Al- Right Man, Pedler—I am in- She @ouldn't Doubt 1t. kind of hair brush America: Softpate—Whatcher think of the dawg, Miss Sprightly? [ine dawg that. Miss Sp “creature. Softpate—I have refused n cool thou- sand for him—fact I assure you. Would it surprise you if 1 told you that dawg knows as much as [ do? Miss Sprightly—Not at ull. The Height of Cruelty. Lowell Citizen: Professor (in the h tory class)—Mr. Fizzler, what was tho torture on the wheel us practised in the inguisition? 2 (who has not the faintest idea) <on they made a fellow ride a ¢, when they found he'd never been on a machine. (impatiently)--I've no brush. Can't’ you see I ightly—He is a splendid sir. Your lady, per- -She's bald, too, S out. Child ex- at home, a month old. ve to meet for here that would grow hair marrow. been wanting Zot a resto on u vegetabl Viewed From a Different Standpoint, Watson’s Illuminator: Youug Wife. Yes, 1 am worried. You see George has gotten into such a habit, when we 2o to the theater, of going out between the Wisdom in silence. Boston Courier: Yellowly—We were spenking of Whitely the other day I said I thought him to be a very inteili- gent man, Brownly—You spoke in fun.of course. Yellowly—Certainly not; 1 was in dend earnest, Brownly—Why oyster in compun him talk. Wher telligenc Yellow mouth shut. Could Oh, my dear, you lookat it the wrong wa, pu ought to be thank- ful that ne comes in between the drinks. In Mourning. ‘Washington Capital: **Waiter,” she inguired at tl “staurant, “*have you any black bread? Yes, miss.” “Well, you may bring me some with a littlo black colfee.” Jexclaimed her astonished escort s that all you are going to eat? *“You must remember,” she replied, ‘‘that I am in mourning now man, he’s dumb as an You never heard does he show his in- Ho shows it by keping his 00l Her. Lawrence Amervican: My kins (as the fish which her #aid he caught aro brought on) you have deccived me. Mr. L.—How, my dear? Mrs, L. (tasting the fish)—You said you caught three fish in salt wuter, and they are just as fresh as they can be. Now I want to know where you bought them. Lump- husband ~Joshua, A Versatile Authior. New York Tribune: Maguazine Ed- itor—Of all the would-be #uthors who send their stuff to me Scribbler is with- out doubt the most. vel'sul.'x\o. Assistant—Why is thought he was particularly *That is just it; he cun be dull in more directions than man in the Tho Logithnate Dramn, 90URSEY, Pindbidiils : Young Manager—You How They are Kewarded a great deal of talk about Boston Transeript: “‘I never could the legitimate drama. Now, I'd like to | understand how men can be got to leave know what you mean by the logitimate | their business to o into a political con- drama sny ¥ vention where their only diversion is to breathe bad air and say amen to Wlmwvor has been arranged before- hand.” *Oh, that’s easy enough. . It sort o' raisus them 1n their own estimation,” “He Who Figits and Runs Away." Jeum @’Esprit: An encounter with ;‘ istols is to come off at the Vesinet. 'he train leaves the station at 7 a. m. The opponents meet at the booking of- fice. Oun of them asks for a return ticket. *You are quite sure you will come back?’ the other anxiously in- quires. “Perfoctly sure,’ “Oh! then 1 Luudel you my apolo- giea.” any The legitimate drama, Kflom boy, is made up of those plays ose authors are dead and on which managers need pay no royalty, > Contrary to ture, Boston Transcript: Hobbs—An has just come into my heud. Nobbu —Oh, come now! 10 nature, hat d’ye mean?” “Nuluw you kuow, uum,” idea That’s con- abhors a vac- Philadeiphia Societ Idaho million- airess—What's the price of them there books? Hookseller — The mnovel by Henry James is $1.50 aud that cloth copy of Shakespoare's lamlet” is 50 cen Idaho wiillionaiross—Gimme the $1.50 book. Idon't waut no cheap trash. Charity. “Did Fido get his breakfus “Yis, mom; Of guve him that Why Hes Couldn’t Hear 1t Tick, New York Telegram: A surgeon was exunmining for deafness an appl onut for a pension, und, to test the man'’s left ear, held watch at some distance and asked him if he could hear it tick, The answer was “'No,” aud the same Time: James?” R. A. Lenhart, 924 N. C. Wilrodt, 814 N. 16th St. J. W. Mikesell, Counci 16th St M. E. James, 1921 Sherman Ave. N. F. Kletzing, Alma, Neb. Schaffer & Hamlin, Alma, G. W. Short, Indianola. Chr. Buell Jr., StEdwards, Neb, J. C. Powell, Wall Lake, Ia. A. O. Peterson, 2305 Leavenworth, PEYCKE BROTHERS, Sole Agents. ik Ymaha. N. 16th St. il Bluffs. IDON CARLOS LUMBER CO., Manutacturers and Wholesale Daalers in Yellow IPine. Suuth Missouri, Room ands 17, ational Bank Building phone 1, . Neb, DEWEY & STONE, Furniture Company A magnificent display of everything useful and or - furniture maker’s art at reasot s T LOVERS HAD AN LUNG m down totally deaf in the son said, and, hold- from the mun’s was asked. was the on wnd he found that amental the ble prices. in reply as the =Pt left ca s given to vepeated 4 brought 1 { One Was Ah Win, But Lo Tarn Was the Winner. SOLACE IN THE STYX. | rprise the It then occur e hiswatch sume. to exami it had stopy The examination was SOUGHT begua all over Marrviage ol'a Counle Whom Obilurate Pare parated Fify Years Ago temembered in His Desert- Wide's Will, A Step in That Dirvection. Commercial Traveler: *‘I must be ulnl and not go too far with \1|~ it may fend to disaster, half mising, to herself. suid Annie, who had just come up at the moment. **Has he pro- posed?” Oh, no: thought | dresses n y ed tie Romances. No sooner had the schooner William Rentow, from Kodat island, Alaska, docked av Lombard street, San I"r cisco wharf, the other evening, than her 4 el captain posted to the morgue in order The Frice of Avistacracy. that the coroner might be informed of a Property owner (to ovgan | ghastly incident whica occurred at nder)—"T'Ll give you 5 ceuts if you | Kodat island about three months ago. will stop playing and elear ont.” Organ | AL Win was one of the Chinamen grinder (striking up “Sweet Violet ! o8 : ‘en cents for brown stone fror hired by the company to work in their salmon cannery. and went north at the opening of the season with the rest of the batel, agreeing to remain until the season wits over, when he was to be re- turned to this city. Ah Win was the party, being but twen and had onty arvived in this country few months before he went to Alaska. While in thiscity he pined for China all the time and was discontented and homesick, Under such circumstances he made the nequaintance of Ah Lung, aChinese womnn who lived on Bart- lett alley, and the two became fast friends. I'viendship was fol- lowed - by mutual affection, and they secretly became engaged, Ah Lung ag ug that when Ah Win had made enough money to support her she would abandon her mode of liv and chng to him forever after. With the hope of making an everlasting fortune at some time Ah Win was persuaded to join o mm;mqu of his countrymen bound for Alaska fo work in_a canuery Ah Lung, soon after her love de- parture, forgol ber vows and wedded Lo Tarn, a cigurmulker who had saved a little money. The news of Ah Lung’s faithlessness was taken to Kodal island on the 15th of August, lmdthp next morning Ah Win's countrymen wi frightened half out of thejr wits at s hanging from i beam in the ? stone dead, with the letter announcing Ah Lung’s perfidy tightly grasped in his hand, The body wis bur and exhumed before the schooner's departure, and after being well salted was placed in a tin case, tightly sealed, and brought back by the RReuton. Tt will some duay be tuken to China to be buried among Ah Win's ancestors. d if T 1wo merely asl get he conld me with ure. A Gentieman of L s ga back ‘Must you on the early train.” But why*” “Duty calls.” *“But you told me you had no business —thut you were a gentleman of leisure.” H'm! - Well, that’s true. You know ['m o young luwye: youngest of the ; s of age, According to Mathematics, Chieago Led : “Willie,” said the 15 he opencd the avithmetic the fellow brought home and pro- ceeded to examine him on his lesson, Jwhat will twoapples plus two upples make?” SIf tney where I can get at them they will ke stomach ache,” re- phied the truthful boy. He Should be Hung High, Munsey'’s Week! Fannie — You would think that an artist who has studied so loug in Puris ought to have u better execution, Kate—Yes, dear, he certainly ought to be executed, for therve is no aoubt of his huving murdered several beautiful subjects. Won It. Le Figarc or gave & dinner party, after which the gentlemen re- turned to smoke and chat. All at once he got up, tool down . sword which formed part of & trophy. and, brandish- ng it in the air, exclaimed: S AN, gentlemon, [ shall never forget the day when I drew this blade for the first ti “Pray, wheve mguiring g t o vatle, rejoinder, pd lid you draw ity .said a was & lawyer's simple - - Years ago Joseph U h!erl now of Un- 10n Hall, N. J.,loved a young girl living in his native village in Germany, She reciprocated his affections; but when he was drafted 1nto the German army she married her second choice, Joseph served out his term as a soldier and then came to this country, He marrvied, and when his wife died about a year ago there were six fine children in his fam- ily. Joseph learved that the husband of his first love was dead, and he wrote to the widow, offering synwulhv and a Ercpusnl of mm-llnze She accepted oth, and bringing with her the moder- ate fortune left to her, came to this country in the steerage of an ocean steamship. Joseph met her at Castle \gurne‘en #nd they were warried in New ork. wedding took place the other day in Bowie, a town a few miles west of nesville, Tex. Over fifty years ago u young couple knew each other in one of the eastern states and were engaged to be married, The lady’s pavents objected and sent her to vope, where, alter remaining some years, she marvied and lually came to Pexas, settling in this county with her ud, who has since died.~ The gen- tleman to whom she was fivst engaged went, sooun after the departure of his intended bride. to Indiana, then the far Quite a romanti H shoulder DACLARKE ESTAIUISHED 1361 180 So. c“"m Chicngo, Hls. | Clark St. 'moReguhr OBt JPHYSICIAN AND SURCEON I8 still Treating with the Greatest S92 SKILL and SUCCESS \ NAT AT A e Chronic, Nervons and Private Diseases. n~NsRvous DEBILITY, Lost Manhood, Failing Memory, Exhausting' Drains, Terrible Dreams, Head and Back Ache nd althe efiecty Ieading to early decay ani perhap: Consumption of Insanity, u treated sclentifichlly by new methods with never-falling sticcess. 43~ SYPHILIS and all bad Blood and Skin Dis. eases permanently cured IDNEYand URINARY complaints, Gleet, nnnmm rictu re, Varicocele and all d . rinary Organs cured promptly wi Stomach, Kidneys or other Organs. aa- No experiments. Age and experience im. portant, Consultation free and sacred, 89~ Send 4 cents postage for Celebrated Works on Chronic, Nervous and Delicate Diseases ose_contemplating Marriage send for D, Cltke's Galebrated puide"Male and Femblo: eoth 15 cents, both o5 cents (stamps). Consult the old Doctor." A friendly letter or call may save future suffees l thame, and add golden years tolife, #@-Book ecret) Errors,” socents (stamps). Medicing g5 sent everywhere, secure from eXposu 1810 8. Sundays 9 to 12, Address F. D. CLARKE, M. D,, 186 So. Clark 8t,, CHICAQO, ILL. DISCOVERIES! O TASTE = R @o 75 AsTn Coucts, ine, D\Broncm%w @ IS ESe “"a L &"&S Q}:},{\\ Guyre{Tie Send for cmulusl perbottle 3jor 9 2 aRaviiy et SANTA ; A‘ilE AND : CAT: R: CURE For sale by Goodman Drua Co Toring from tho ef t of youthful er. vadr. G FOWLER, Mondul. Conn, couple learned of ench others whore- abouts, and a correspondence opened. The old flame which once burned 1 their hearts was rekindled, and the other day the old gentleman, Mr. Wil arrived from Indinna. and nastily br jons were made for the wedding, which took place in the AL E. church in Bowie, Rev. Yelton, istor, ofticiating. News of the in 'mhwl lealsed out and the chu overflowing widh an crowd. At the concl regular sevvices Mr. Williams and his intended bride, Mrs. Barnes entered the church, wallked to the alter, wher wheresthey were mot by the minister and unitéd in marriage. They ave c wventy years old, and wiil 15 in " future, both being William™ Bell for_a numbor of taught school at Atascosa Post , this ¢, for & very meagre Antonio dispatch. America for twenty further ahead than Recently he left here for New York,where he Loped to better himself. On reaching there he re- eived news of the death of his wiie in Scotland. He had married ber when a youth, and she was a lassie on the hills of Dundec. She was of good famil and her people were wealthy., The objected to the match, and after the marriage made it so unpleasant for the voung people that Bell, in desperation, vesolved to seek his fortune in a new world, He had not the money to bring his bride him, and was unwilling to subject her to the privations of a hard hfe. He bade her good-bye. and she promised to wait patien until he was able to return for | she went to her parents, and Bell turned his back upon the land of his nativity He was energotic and economical, and willing to turn his hand to anything. He tried first one thing and then another, and failed in all, Chilled by disappointment, he d d at last to southwestern Texas and became a country pedagogue. The old vestless desive to be up and doing une him and he went north again. nows which reached him there males him the heir to £20,000, which fulls to him through his dead wife. The money came to him but recently through the death of her parents, and she had written to Bell a short time be- dicd, telling him that they were rich at last, and bidding him come home. He got word of her death and the la estate left prior to the recep- tion of her mssi In a heart-broken let to friends here he states that he expected to sail for Scotland in g few days. ns. marris had ch was filled to expectant ¥ and was no “lwn he started. After living with a brolken neck for twenty-tive days, Caleb B. Toner died in Cooper hospital, Camden, yestorday, snys o hilade I|nhm, dispatch. By his bedside when death came were the fuithful young woman to whom he was engaged to. be maried, Miss Missmer, and Tozer’s siste The gricf of the former was heartrending. She had for two weeks oxpected her lover to covor, 50 favorable were his symptoms, and they both tallked hopefully of their sproacliing marviage. Diring the time Toz was at the hospital Miss Missmer was by his bedside almost con- tinuously, and she siduous in caring for the injur Tozier's case has ted much inter- ost among medical men, his long e ence under the clreumstances being considered extremely romarkable. The vietim’s strone mination o live prolonged his iife considerably, Most of the time he was paralyzed from the down. Death is thought to was o d man. $5 s MM A o Ly BT Tl shiianas 50 | SET OF TEETH ON RUBBER For Five Dollars. DR.R. W. BAILEY, Dentist, Paxton Block, 16th and Farnam Streets. We Are Here to Stay il office room, are now lbetter prep: work, and much more rapidly the best teeth and rubber in our ple FIVE DOLLARS A SET. Do not come, but make us a call and see fc Teeth extracted WITHOUT gas, ether or electricity. Filling at cation. DR. B Open eventngs Cut this out, nntil 8 o'cloek Mention this papee than heretofore. Take clevator on 16th street having within the past largely increased our ired to turn out the best class of We are now using ates, and for which we charge but let others influence you not to r yourself, PAIN, and without using chloroform, Remember the lo- Paxton Block. 10th and Farnam lowest rates. AILEY, Dentist, A. B. MEYER & CO,, Silver Springs * Holds Five all Night, 0.0.0.0.0"0 * And Peacock NoSoot, White Ash BHRRONIRONONOEONoH FSoft Coal. emomONo! 103 South 15th Strect, Our Anthracite Fresh HEN PUKI:HASIN[.A FINESHOE ! ATUFW-T“ sm T TU THE EyE AT WiricH IS T [f 0 lnahwa/ st be of IIII: Jenest textare, and when “on the foot the SHOE must (nmbuw eauty /nml comfit. DLOW SHOE U Is < L 515555 EA%URE THED S e J Smn BY TII[ 1% ¢,’»‘«*“ 7 WA BEST TRADE THROUGHOUT THE «‘\v@ 3 UN!TEH STATES. ANl MAX GEISLER | and Dealer fn a1l kinds of BIRDS, FISH and RARE ANIMA BIRD CAGES, AQUARIUM BIRD SEED A SP 4|7 S. I5th Qa2 ANSY PILLS! { K Y S T O | Safousdurc, AN, : Tmporter Sheoly Blook. ox Bpe o Vae from “exhaustion, the body having wasted away to a mere shadow. A" post-mortem “cxamination showed that the vertebrie wured in front of the neck as \\\-11 s in the back, where two picees of the verte- b, each re removed. | have resulted A e it G T of Cinciunati, and styled St tion,” Janded at our wharf ) vs 4 Mouut Vernon, Iud.. sp 2 Two of th eperformers, Will Conkling and Grace Gee, cume up to town, se- cured a license and were married. Ben Gee, the at, is the young lady’s father, and he was opposed to the marringe, and when he heard of the event he took the girl and locked her up in the boat. Conkling went to the water’s edge this morning and with tears in his oyes asked for his wife. The old man was mnexorable and after somo parleying he seized a shotgun and ran the young man up the levee. Tho boat dopurted with the girl still a cap- tive. Conkling says he will have his wife if there is any law in the land. ench, An .\fln('lmg seene was |v|'t'~- nted in a local undertaker’s parlors in Tacoma the other day. In a coffin was the body of a young Norwegign woman, twenty- five years of age. The foot of the coffin rested on the floor and the other end on a chair. By the side of the casket, which contained the remains of his dead love, stood a young Norwegian, A photographer was taking their pictures together. The corpse of the young woman was dressed in white and the profusion of flowers indicatee that lo ing hands had cared for her. He © namo was Helene \Im av Tacoma from Nor and was to have be ‘the bridoe of him whose photograph was taken with hers. The young man's name was Olof Aun The eight taps by which 4 o'clock wmounced upon the bell of the Red teamship Switzerland as she la, in the dock at I’hiladelphia, one aftors noon recently hardly died away when the sharp twaug of the dinner gong erberated through the ship, and the steward marched through the vessel, fore and aft, crying: **Come to the wedding: Come to the weddings! Lwo weddings in the of stewards and stew and crews, and the few straggling pas- sengers who had not yet left the ship, and the eabin was crowded when Mag istrate Ladner tied a double nuptinl knot and made husbands and wives of two immigrant couples. Among the 210 immigrants who were shipped at Antwerp by tho & were Lwo young girls who attracted the attention of the stewardess, und at her instance the immigration inspectors told them that they would not be per- mitted to land unless they should first find huosbands for themselves. The girls were Maria Mayer, who came from Elberfield, Germany, and Pauline Vol whose home was in Friedburg, Among the steevage passenger was aiso Fred- erick Behle, who came from the home of Miss Meyer, and was bound for De- troit, which was the destination of that yOIUE Woman. Upon finding that she was refused a landing Behle stepped forward and formed the immigration inspectors th he was a friend of Miss Mayer, and had come with her from her home. I said that he willing to marry the gir i was quickly reseued from ber embarrasing posit n in v quite similar mans Potor Mic shoc maker, who lives at 59 V i nted himself on board the and, and said he had come to Swit; EomOMeNORom: | To curo any case, | claim M L Opposite Postoffice, Mined All Rail Coal Heallh is Wealth! AHNT, & GHAYAREOEA npoTGo F0F HYRE ness, Convilsions, Hits, Noryous Headache, Nervous Prostration eaused b & use of aleoliol 1 exer tion of the by nce. Fach box treatment, #1.00 w hos, ot &Ix hoxes by mail prepiid o1 receipt of price. abuse o one montl for £5.00,8 WE GUARANTEE SIX BOXES With each order received by us for six boxes, aceom, fed with £5.00, we wil he purchuser our writton guarantes (o ro fund the money if the treatment does not effec Guarantees tssued ouly by Goodman s, Sole. Agents, 1110 Faruum 7) { ///31‘ OMAHA BUSINESS BOLLEGE. ILe Largest and Hest Bquipped West, Thorough Practi D FOR COLLEG s Volz as his wife. He came from her native place to New Yoric a fow weel h \Vith this solution of the trouble in sight tmmigration Inspector John .. Rogers went up to Clerk Bird, of Orphans’ court and_procurcd i pair of marringe licenses. When he returned to the steamship lner as summoned, the double marvinge smony was performed, and the two couples left the ship rejoicing. Old Farmer J ('()l) IKn~| lives four miles north of Albany K good mountain farm, and'is very w to-do in a rough and thinly peopled region where a man with $10.000 is con- sidered rich. Mr. Rust has scveral daughters, and Ellen, the oldest, is the handsomest of them all. A ybung man named Henry Courts from Ohio, whoso parents had” gone there from this county, had been spending the summer among his relatives at Albany. Courts brought with him a hicy Courts fell in love with young Ellen st. Heo pressed his courtship, and was accepted. Favmer Rust was opposed. Henry and Illen waited, Eilen was of legal age, and they could have easily eloped, but they did not wish to do that. They wanted the old man’s consent to the wedding. The bicycle appenred to bo Me. Ruat’s chiof objection. e did not believe in it. Henry would not put away his bhe- loved machine. He loved that next to Ellen, and he meant to have both. On Monduay Ellen was visiting in town at the home of a relati and Henry went to sce her. They were get- ting angry at the old “man’s obdu- racy. *[ > vight out now, seo him and snid Henry, docsn’t consont I come back and we'll get married any You are of legul age and we cab Im\r‘ the coremony performed here in town.’ illen agreed. Henry mounted his lm;\.-h und started for Mr, Rust’s placo The old man had just come from a short journey and his” horse and buckboard Were at the yard gate. The young man made known his ercand. “*I told you once beforo that you could not marry her,” snid Mr. Kust. I am going to Inurry her any- how,” h[ll Courts, **She is in town now. Iam going back there and in loss than an hour she will be my wife. “Then you will have io beat me to town,” replied Mr, Rust, *‘and I don’t think any velocipede ean get ahead of my old mare and the buckboard. If you get there ahend of me I guess you n have the girl.” Henry mounted the machine, the old man jumped into his buckboard,und the 'was made. On aturnpike or level ad Courts could have easily distanced the old mare, who was not as swift as she once was; but it was an altogether difforent matter over the hills. But his recent experiences with such dificulties stood him in good service, and, in spite of his rough path, he soon had the satis- faction of passing ahead of the bumping choard, He waved his hand giee- yat his prospective father-in-law, who was swearing at his old wave and endeavoring to whip ber into a [laster guit. He got two falls, but he soon righted himself and his wheel without h:um to either, and passed into town & ter of a mile ahead of Mr. Rus!. n., then stopped for the latter o come up. The farmer looked ut the ma a mon uculated, *“Well, 1'll bo derned ou said nothing more. They went to the Baptist preucher’s housc took the minister across o the place where Ellen was stopph und there she and Courts were murried, e Kenuedy's East India Bitters,