Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, March 25, 1888, Page 13

THE OMAHA DATLY' BEE SUNDAY, .MARCH HONEY FOR THE LADIES. Don't in®, Lady Mine; Easter day is near, You regrot DIME EDEN MUSEE! Week of March 25th, IIERR SAIMBPSOLT, There are yet Ays to pass I fear, Ere we may All be s, But be patient dear; Be in lent Penitent, Keep your heart upon it; And your thought, As you ought, From your Easter bonnet. She was a pretty salesgirl; He I\Akl‘({ for a kiss, For he was the accepted Of the fair and blushing miss. She gave him one, and as she drew Her rosy lips away, ‘‘Is there,” she asked in trembling tones, “Anything else to-day ! The spring bonnet has floral garnitures. Draperies pinked at the edge continue in favor. Elaborate military braidings are worn on spring jackots, There is infinite variety in the shapes of new polonaises, Time for girls to get up and jump, It's leap year, you know. Ornamental selvages are seen on the new changeable silks. Brazil graduated her first female physician a short time ago, e Light colored carpets and wall papers are most fashionable. Nover judge the size of a girl's feet by the arctics slic wears, Colors are extensively used in the decora- tion of black toilets, Waist trimmings which cross in front are exceedingly popular, Challies will supersede nuns' veiling for summer afternoon toilets. Lady McDonald takes an active interest in revival meetings at Ottawa. White and gold is a favorite combination fortea-jackets and tea-gowns. The woman suffragists have converted Rabbi Gottheil to their cause, Many a homely, unattractive girl gets a husband on account of her pa value, Some of the admirers of Marie Rozo gave her a diamond tiara for her birthday. Venetian-green and terra cotta are com- bined in some of the newest tailor gowns. Pretty demi-trained toilets for young ladies are of whito wool braided with silver. Mary Anderson’s brother is soon to bo married to a daughter of Lawrcnce Barrett, Dainty home toilets are almost invariably made with a belted corsage of some descrip- tion. Miss Booth, of Harper's Bazar, carns $5,000 8 yeaa by translating, besides her' §5,000 ad an editor. Pale and deep tan plush skirts are worn with winter dresses of various colors and fabrics. It is not a difficult task to discover rarc talent in young ladies who pareats are ‘wealthy. Mrs. Dutton, of Tndiana, is 102 years old. She has been a confirmed smoker of ninety- wo years. Mrs. Cloveland’s two pet ailigators are to be trained to shake hands with visiting statesmen. A man who is the father of fifteen buxom daughters says his business 1s raising belles in the market. Mrs. Eunice Hooser, of Elkton, Ky., has just completed a calico quilt that i$ composed of 4,080 pieces. A girl may be economicat, but if she has a lover who hus no objection to an arm going- waist occasionally. Four women physicians were graduated from the medical department of Auffalo uni- versity last weel. The wife of Judge Stallo, our Minister at Rome, Italy, talks verylittle English, being « German by birth. Eugene Field says it's a libel to_supposo that Chicago girls that “Romeo and Juliet is two geparate plays. The widow of thelate Mayne Reid, the widely-known and popular novelist, is ehgag. ed in Writing his life. Miss Amelie Rives, the Virginia authoress, is a cousin of Mr. George Rives, tho assist- ant secretary of state, “I'm stuck on that _girl,” said the court- plaster. “Well, sho breaks me all up, 100, remarked the peanut candy. ‘A Flock of Girls” is the title of a new novel. A very noisy production, we should say—a sister of “‘Chatterbox.’ Tell a girl she's pretty and she'll always say she doesn't believe you. Tell hor sho's homely and she'll always get mad. Prof. Asa Gray, although living in the con- servativo atmosplicro of Cambridge, always signed the woman suffrage petition. Miss West, the daughter of the Brtish minister, always speaks Spanish to her father when they are alone together, Mrs. Ralph Waldo Emerson's n; at the head of the woman. snitrans parii sent in this year from Concord, Mass, A distinguished nogro belle of Port-au- Prince, Hayti, was recently married to the brother of William Black, the novelist, A Michigan girl has found 2,125 four- leavo ~ clovers, ‘and 18 not marriod ot There is sure luck in those things—for “the wen. Miss Hattie Allen, Styongest Living Man. Breaks Steel Bars, Iron Chains and Handcuffs Last Week of Lizzie Sturgeon. Pedestrial Pianist, Last Chance to See CHRIST BEFORE PILATE. CODY COWBOY PIANIST The Phenominal Musician, A Successful Innovation. 2 SEPARATE COMPANIES. ON 2 SEPARATE STAGES. IN 2 SEPARATE HALLS At One Price of Admission. T heatorium No: 1 CARLYSLE, King of Magicians. Mile. CARLYSLE Spiritual Cabinet and Pillory. THEATORIUM NO. 2. Gold Dollar Bright Lights 20 PARLOR ARTISTS. 20 DOORS OPEN 1 TO 10 P. M, loc ADMITS TO ALL CHAIRS, 5¢c AND 10c THE MONSTER OF ‘THE SEA. THE WHALE. ONE WEEK COMMENCING SUNDAY, MARCH 25. A Leviathan! A Monster on Exhibition! 40—Weighing 40 Tons—40 A Mammoth Car 72 Feet Long and 23 oy $10,000f AERINO0S 180,000 Ninth Jackson Streets. LOCATION AT Doors Open from 10 A. M. to 9 P, M. Daily, Admission--Adults, 25¢; Children, 10c. LIGHTED BY ELECTRIC LIGHT EVENINGS. nd of Waterloo, Ta, ben mado ussistant profcssor in' o o s department of the Michigan state unieris® at Ann Arbor, ey, Some gitls insist that they do not like “squcezing, but we hlx)n'l- noticed that they are always the ones to be found in crowded g and street car FEoded aliops Dr. Amna_Kingsford, that city, Februa Grano Qeeen House. | (SETREIZTYEA The mans, { ind groat pleasure in announeing relurn Cogugement in our @ity of the juatly celes Speclal Matinee Wednesday. Mr. Boyd gotul rted notable drans of Loudon, dicd in She was a graduate of the “Faculty of Parls,” and the several medical works, LIRS Prominent women of Paris are signing impure literature, and & leag : morals has been formed. ERp@EpubLD In a Michigan town there is g gir helght is six fect. nino inches, Kw]nc‘,‘.’h:fig makes up her mind to get married yon - wager she stoops to conquer, Fi0d you, oan 1t is @ well known fact among ax is & more beautiful being than ony ur eighteen winters and no cash to spoak ot Mrs. Dr. Smith has contributed §12, DOG for the purpose of constructing a *play houaon for the use of the children of Newirk Whio have no place but the strects to piay ' A fusbion item says “sacques oung girls of white lumbs wool. are vaer'_\('";hr:ylll“m’: Bowaroof the young girl' on ‘White o) ool, e § Wool. "She may pull ‘the ool over your "The latost novelty in gloves js ') i3 b glove of tan-colored unglazed kid h\‘}un’l g Hppling over the arm, without nhy byt aud finished with & 'deep cufl embrojdaray CONRIED & HERREMANN, i OPERA COMPANY. —ON . Weduesday and Thursday. April 18 & 19 The repertoire will oo annou Tespéotfully announces the most L in Lhe history of Omaubia= i ‘Grentest Actors LAWRENCE BOOTH-BARRETT Supported by their own excatlont company under the ] ' rection of MR, ARTHUR B. CHASE, 3 1L 9-Grand Production of 8 Tlistorical Tragody, GRAND CELEBRATION! JHLIE CabAR, MR, DOOTH AS BURTUS~ME. BARRETT AS CASSIUS. Of the Completion and Opening of the ; The MERCHANT OF VENICE. Denver, Texas & Gulf Railway ! (Entire Flay, Six Acts. Beautiful Production.) MU BOOTH AS SHYLOCK—N k. BARKETT AS BASSANIO, Connecting Denver with the Sea; also the Third Annual Convention of the WEDNESDAY MATINEE-Spocial Performusce; HAMLET. International Range Association AT DENVER, COLO., MARCH 26, 29, 30 & 3I. WEDNESDAY EVENING B e — PROGRAMME OF ENTERTAINMENT; well performa; Wednesday, March 25— Rtocs visitors; MACBETH. vening, Firework Display ntom Ar- N MR, BOOTH AS MACBETH MR, BARRETT AS MACDUFY, During this cngagemont the sawe Iberal o tlery Club, surpuss 0t and gran- deur the famous 1 Club, ed throughout the ~country wil eserved Seats £.00 and FR50, peka ¥ Thursday, March %2 0on, Cowboy Tour- ament, Roping and “Ridjng Uubroken und 2cop rul admission 8; gallery §1. Boxs NNOUNCEMENT: A Bucking Broucos, Reception at the Tabor Grand Opera House. lications already recelved (or riday, March 0 it are far in excess of ©ivil, Milttary and 1 1 due season. rmen with silk, Baltimore boasts of hayi clety young wan who can oo poitly 80- ©00k & delicious meal. 1f it has any smu':s'{; young ladies who can d young ludies 0 as much it has noy Mrs. Whitney 1-Grand Fure- and the Mi; V startod _pedestrian fad aone (‘,\,E"‘,,of‘fl‘{f, women of Washington, . an Who wishes o be boohed s CLeY WO° «méo enl&ty takes her Alml{ M4 % und waists belted ibl by Very young ladics in the L009N 4re worn o evening. vearer is pluinp these are mado qufts L but if she is slight the, 7 o shoulders and at the “J'/H:}:‘:thlll:‘hcnd o e Plain velvet bonnef ored with ma - lver, cop and sicel or with dxcatlont found very effective on most colog. *10% 4X0 o by one the ¥ articlos of “mato il 30, SbPropriating w-‘?k.nln:.;r:i.:: wearing over-gaiters wu{: :r be ';:m only thing left w“mi,“fi.flli“::: il 10 nights of July 23 ang 24 : FOunE peoplo un excelicat weciyaT0rd tho out late, A total eelipgs et Qoour, beginuing about. § o'clogi and " mady s 8l (‘ul 2:80 in the morning. Choose Partuers enuir s . enuiue for mourning Scoteh gingham Whiteoome in wide strives and large piaids o white or £ray with black or gray wit, The white ginghem, | With black pirjpes htroduced last agein chosen, London bas now seve, W commenter remarks that 1 i ! u hus Wwome ardly iered” auothcr wow fleld. Well o' 2 W Callii s new field, inasmuch e bundres i3 fort desirous ' of e at b 10 the price of the seat unsold niter the nuction will be place fegular way at the box oMice Tuesday morning, April , it 9 o'elock. BOYD'S OPERA HOUSE Four Nights and Saturday Matinee, COMMENCING WEDNESDAY, MARCH 28, Artbur Rebaw's Company of Comedians, Piaying the Comedy Sucoesses from Daly's Theater, New Yor “LOVE IN HARNESS nd Saturday Matinee. Fridn nd Saturday evenings, “NANCY & will be the greatest comedy” event of pertect modaic of light comedia y the ladies are dreawms of loveliness and Bal 0f seals begius Tuesday Lorniog. A Grand and Imposin lustrinl Pageant, — Bifieos ¢ with the Celebrated iy, Kunsas tains. and Grand Old this o bulldf —— CHEAP RAILWAY FARES, All transportation companies sutering Denver have made low round trip rates. $25.00 only for round trip tickets from all Missourl Itiver pointa.” ickets will bu sold on Monday, Murch 0, ouly good for 10 days thereafter. white, v T THE QUEEN CITY ral women carp ou tmwmpmnuu occasion. 5,000 cattlemen uud .00 visitors are expocted. ‘g women have always been ‘‘bent” ‘matching” and ‘joining" A daughter of Littlo Chief ana Good Rabe, of Buffalo Bill's Indfans, was baptized M- Manchestor last month 'under the title of Francis Folsom Cleveland Victoria Alexan- der. She will be knbwn, however, among the Indians as “Over tho Wator.” Cheviots in cool natural gray and fawn, in Delicate colored satéens have exquisitely tinted grounds, buff, pale lavender, peru, pale Diue, rose pink and gray the surfaces of somo being nearly covered with tanciful designs, while others show wide’ stripes of Persian patterns alternating with floral outlines. Ladies who make up their cotton dresses for next summer wear’ how, almost invari- ably choose two ginghwms, one of light deli- cate shade for a pretty house costume and & dark one of Scotch plwid, stripes or some plain dark color for street wear or summer traveling. Lady Purchaser—*Now, please do not ask after { have bought what T want if there's anything else. If I want anything elso I can remember to ask for it without being remind- something else that 1 may understand (" Salesman— “Yes'm, Anything else.” Modern Greek women excel mnot only in personal refinement, but in general intelli- gence and desire for self-improvement. Th Greek women of the upper class are general- lever, well bred,well informed and might 1 in accomplishments,culture and conve sational powers their sisters of the west. Pearls are at present the gems of highest fashionable favor, outrivaling the diamond. They are_Queen' Victoria's favorite, and tho chosen_adornment of the queen of Italy. Queen Marguerite is_superstitlous about her pearls. The last timo they were mislad the [iini was shot, and_ she connoots the two cir- cumstances and watches them with the most jealous care, fine herriug-bone pattern, are always in de- mand by refined women of conservative tasto. Mixtures in black and white shep- herd's checks and erossbars promise to be in splondid demand. There is always a large quautity of such goods sold in New York to ladies who are taking off mourning and to many who congne their mourning street dress to some combination of black, white or on ‘ashion is by no means exclusive this year, and it is difcult to suy which style of dre: is most in vogue. Peaked bodiccs have by 1o means been laid aside, and yet in new costumes for the early sprinff we seo a great many round waists; not short under the arms, as they were under the first_empire, but just at the proper place and encircled by asiclifully draped sash of faille, moiro or surah With round waists, the scarf-sash and semi-trained skirt are coming in again; but this style is by no means exclusively adopted, and the peaked bodice is still much worn, especially for evening dresses. ————— IMPIETIES, It is not consudered proper for canons of the church to get loaded. Mamma—Who dwelt in the Garden of Eden, Freddie! Freddie—O, I know, the Adamses! Renan calls St. Paul “that ugly littleJew.” He was weak-eyed, stoop-shouldered, prob- ably a stammerer. Sunday School Teacher—Now, boys, who *shall inherit tho earth!” Littlo Johnnic (wise boyond his years) : Please, mum, 1t's the Irish. A clorgyman declares that he never did a bad act but that he tmiibdiately regretted it. Rather a neat way of saying that he was caught at it. A pious porkpacker of Chicago has on one wall of his offico this motto: *“Irust in_the Lard,” and on the:other this ome: “The Lard Will Provide.” . * George W. Rosure, the cowboy evangelist, is said to have an income of $150 8 day. He'd never make that monay;; corraling cattle or cleaning out gin joints.. (| Wife—Rev. Gums said for us to go to church this morning prepared for a_collec- tion, Husband—I am prepared. 1 left every cent I had in my other clothes. 1t was a patriotic but disgutsed Scotchman at Fort Beaufort whowexclaimed: ‘‘Gude savous| I'd rather gang hame an’ be hanged than dee hero a naturaliteath,’” Fond Wife ~The Smiths must, bo awlully poor, {hey never give abything to chritics. PO Well, but we do't cither: Fona Wito— Oh, but it isn't because we haven't plenty | Rev. Joseph Cook has been pronouncing unconstitutional a law in rolation to public preaching, and some irreverent Boston pa- pers are proposing him for the suprema court, Editor (to proof-reader) : “You are gotting careless. Mr. Reviser. The name of the evangelist appears in to-day’s paper as $am Jones.” Proof-reader: “Well, that is not a Very bad mistake, sir.” At Galesburg, 11, the churches tried the effect of prayer on the Burlington strike last Sunday. Judging by the present condition of affairs we are constrained to believe that faith, even as a grain of mustard sced, docs not cxist in Galesburg. Rev, Dr. Chasuble (to only member pres- ent)—I am thankful that one member of the church is not afraid to come out in_rain as well as in sunshine. Mrs. Pray—Well, if it hadn't have stormed, I couldn’t have 'come, for my new bonnet isn’t ready. Passengor (to street car conductor)—Do you ever go to church, young man! Con- ductor—No, sir; but I always get o load of people coming from church ever morning, so I know all about the s ®ood miny poor sermons preached days, si Elderly Gentleman (taking a stroll on Sun- day morning, to cabman)—My friend, you a God-fearing man; do you give that at- tention to religious matt which all men should? Cabman—Oh, yes, sir; jump i and DIl drive you to any church on' the avenue for a dollar. I always liked the best,” said Bill, as he e; her morocco bound pri car, “If you are an Ipiscopalian you get edit for going to church not only while here, but all the way going and all home.”” “Well, Johuuy,” said the Sunday school teacher to'one of her little pupils, I under- stand there's @ new baby at your house. What do they call it{’ “Why,". said Johnny, with childish frankness, ‘‘mamma calls if o littlo angel, but this morning papa called it a darned nuisance.” A little four-year-old asked his grand- mother: “Grandma, did God make yout’ Yes, I suppose 50,” answered his grand- mother, absently, The boy looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, and then, as it convinced that it had been'quite o large con- tract, said suddenly, “Grandma, I guess Jesus helpe now-a- Episcopal religion d a pretty girl with r book in’ the hors beloved brethren,” announced a preacher from his pulpit, *on Sabbath morn- ing next a collection will be taken up for our blessed Fiji mission.’ *Ame; vently through the congrogation. woul p “And I add,” went on the preacher impres- y, “that amens, however resonant and sincere, make but little ruttle in the contri- bution box. Let us unite in pr ” A citizen of Smithyille, Ga. other morning, hearing a vois pen by the roudside, he 1oo an aged and dissipated stranger on his knees praying: “Oh Lord, soften the hearts of the people that T may not lack for bread as I go wlong.” In answerto & question the tramp said that he never failed to get bread when he prayed for it, and that he never failed to vray. The first step in the breaking up of the {:)wcr of the Mormon ‘church has certainly een taken. At a ball recently given at the Mormon theater in Salt Lake City many gen- Ules accepted invitations and danced with the Mormon maidens. 'Governor West gave a reception after the ball at a gentile hotel, where saints and sinners mingled upon cor: dial terms. One night in'the ball-room may do more to break the power of the Mormon church than a month of lawsuits, A young preacher the other day, undertak- ing to “‘stump” Bishop Foss, of the Methodist church, with a “temperance’ question, said: ““Why, brother, if there was a mad dog run- ning up and down the streets would you shoot it or would you hedge it int” To which the wise bishop made quick reply: *If the mad ad been running up and down the streots for thirty years, and I had been blaz- ing away at it all that time without hitting it, I guess I'd try and hedge it in."” e Every person is interested in their own affairs, and if this mects the eye of any one who is suffering from the effects of a torpid liver, we will admit that he is interested in getting well. Get a bottie of Prickly Ash Bitters, ‘use it as directed;, and you will always be glad ¥you read this item, J THE ENTIRE STOCK OF CLLOTHING, Hils and Genl” Famishng . CORABY. ) 1 L THE TWO0 ORPHANS, 1113 Farnam Streef Must and will be sold, preparatory to removal to the Falconer corner. The new firm POSITIVELY REFUSE to accept any of this stock. These are all new, fresh goods; most of them just from the factory. In order to dispose of this stock as quickly as possible, everything will be put down to a price that is bound to make the sale. THE TWO ORPHANS will now sell you a complete suit for only $1.00. JIT worth $5.00 at. JIT worth $8.00 a IT worth 810.00 at. 1" 232} . 1 PAIR PANTS worth $8.00 fo) 1 PAIR PANTS worth $4.00 for ' worth $14:00 at. worth $18.00 at. . worth $20.00 at.... JIT worth $25.00 at. ... / (! worth $6.00 for. . worth $7.00 for BeEEE rnmnen & > ¥ SUIT worth $30.00 at. 4 CHILDS’ CHILDS' CHILDS’ CHILDS’ CHILDS’ CHILDS’ CHILDS’ These pri .NU 00 worth $4.00 at. worth $4 . worth $4 b worth $5.00 at. worth $5.50 at. worth $6.00 at. worth $7.00 at. SUITS SUITS SUITS SUITS SUITS SUITS SUITS ses may seem ridiculous, but we are ready to convince any one in search of a new suit, or anything else in our line that everything we have in the house will be found a bargain as incredible as the above. Of course the choicest new goods will he apt to go first, and those who come at once will get the cream. TWO ORPHANS, - 1113 Farnam Street, PEPPERMENT DROPS. Holds his hone—The barber. A false step—That made with a cork leg. ‘Why is wood like sleept Because it'slum- ber. It's always soft woather when it rains hard. A combination lock makes a gdod chest protector. The new treaty is enough to make the codfish bawl. Those who engago in a milk trust evidently want the cream of it. With a cockney Englishman ‘‘the letter that never came’ is an h. Why is hemlock like cornbread and mo- lasses! It's cheap board. Why is a ton of coal like a ship? it’s under weigh, of course. 1t doesn’t follow that every man who has a hoarse voice is a stable fellow. In the bright lexicon of the anarchist there is no such word as clothes line, Why is your hat like an advance agent? Because it goes on a head, of course. When is a womon like a vicious horse? ‘When she takes the bits in her teeth. When does a hen withdraw from lite? When she iakes her egg-sit, of course. Farm note—After a citizen has had a bully time at the club he goes home with a cowed look. When a man thinks the world is his oyster he can soon manage to get himself into a stew. 2 Blinders are now put on white horses so they will not stop to look after red-headed girls. Easter Sunday this year comes on the 1st of April. Somebody will get fooled on new bonnets. When engineers fiud a putting on too much steal safety valve. There 1sno telling what Sampson might have been if he had had Jolin L. Sullivan’s opportunities. Why is whiskey like the flowers that bloom in the spring! Because it makes the nose gay, my dear. The poct who burns the “midnight ofl” is kept awake by the mu; It's the same way with a man who keeps a cat, The balloon for the 4th of July is to be named ‘“Anthracite.”” The zeronaut thinks 11 keep up for a long time, Do you keep all the brands of er—Yos, sir; what kind do you Smart Boy —Socrates. The rock strata und and about Cincin- nati have millions of fossils in them., More are being added as fast as they die. Don't laugh when you see a woman trying to drive & horse. It may scem fupny to you, but think how the poor horse must suffer. Another mineral spring has been found at a well-known watering place. It is said to taste vile cnough to make it worth a fortune. A St. Louis man wants a_divorce because his wife smolkes, snorcs,whistles and swears, She evidently made a mistake in bemg a woman. The man who begins to wear a spr now should receive due omy, for he probably another, The straw is put in the bottom of strect cars for warmth, and not, as some have sup- posed, to enable passengers to lose their chunge, ‘When ilroad company is a strike is their g suit praise for his ccon- will never need roposes to exhibit 1at 81,500 at the bench sh must be the'chap who advertises “*thr lar pants.” An Albany judge has decided that a man's legal residence is where he has his washing done. According to this ruling the tramp has no legal residence, ““What is home without a mother?” It's a place where girls can sit up with their fellow until they hear the old man coming in the gate about midnight. ““Why is a frog like a man who bets on the wrong horse ! asked the snake editor. *(tive it up,” replied the horse editor. *‘Because he is'a green backer."! A tame deer named Grover Cleveland has been placed in one of the city parks of Baltis more. Probably the gift of some ofice-secker that thrift may follow fawning. Six species of North American birds have become extinct in the last ten years. They were probably mixed up in Some potpio affair when they made their exit. Yale college is said to be i need of #2,000,- 000. When you consider the size of the cancs now used, {ou must understand that this “cane’ rush business is expensive. We trust that winter will not linger in the lap of spring very long this year. It is leap year and spring has a perfect right to hint 10 him that he is not wanted around. 1t has never vet been decided by compe- tent authorities whether suoring is vocal or instrumental music. Calling it *sheet music” doesn't settle the matter at all, The Princess of Wales is so deaf that she is compelied to use an ear-trumpot. This does away with the use of the prince remoy- ing his boots @ block away from the house. “That's not & bad proposition for the dispo- sition of abandoned gas and oll wells, viz. to cut them up in six feet lengths and scll them to the eleotric light companies for posthioles! ““The Artof Investing" 1s the title of & cur- rent book. " If the author had only turned his a dog This -dol- atteution to the elucidation of ‘the art. of | scquiring sowethiug to invest, would have a wider circle of anxious readcrs. George Elfot says: “Old men's eygs are Jikse ol mew’s memarics: thay are sirongesy his worlk for things a long way off.” They don’t ap- l?ly to old men in the front row at the bur- esque. Since Russian law forbids the use of excla- mation points in a newspaperarticle, one is at, aloss to sce how can be properly interpret- od therein a Muscovite's outburst when he steps on a tack. A professor in Montreal has set himself to work and has mastered twelve languages, and yet we don’t imagine he dares to open his mouth when his wife wants to know why he stayed out so late. An Indiana judge did not know what a cartoon was. A lawyer sketched the body of a jackass with the judge's head and face attached as a specimen, and was promptly fined $25 for contempt of court. For the benefit of those who aro getting tired of ““Truly rural” asa cure for stam- mering the following is respectfully sub- mitted: “Pronounce rapialy: ‘‘She sells sea shells; shall she sell sea shells?” The hanging of Mr, Maxwell, of St. Louis, is set for early in June. It is understood that he has written a lettér déclining the nomination, but there are strong hopes of his being induced to reconsider his action. In Winter we meet the thermometer liar, In Summer the fish liar tells of his string, But both classes now very quickly retire Before him who's seen” the first robin of Spring. e CONNUBIALITIES. The girls who take ad vantage of leap year are the ones who will want to be known in the future as **Mrs. So-and so and husband.” An Ypsilanti man has a queer craze—that of collecting axes. He has nincty-two differ- ent kinds, and yet his wife complains of a searcity of kindling wood. Mr. Dawson, of Peru, Ind., began marry- ing in 1 as_been marrying at fre- quent intervals ever since. The other day, at the age of seventy-six, Lo took his seventh wife. There 15 a thrifty woman living at Briar Creek, N. Y. Not long ago her husband died and she took the headstone from his first wife's grave and had it dressed over and re- lettorod for his grave, “My errand here to-night,” said a young lawyer to a damsel on whom he had called “reminds me of the ery of an owl” “In- deed,” said the maiden; “what is your er- rand’ hero to-night?? “Courtsinp. ~To wit, 10 woo.” In the Munn divoree suit which is now on trial in Boloit, Wis., the testimony brought out the fact that M Munn’s parents con- » Inar ol on the condition that her future husband deed them a forty- acre farm, “I do not think, madam,” when taking his wife to task, nso would approve of your she replicd, “‘perhaps you of what people with the > would do.” who died in Philadelphia re- claimed to be the first man to enter o lion’s Cuge in this country. The first man to walke up his wifo when he returned home at 2 4. m, in a wobbly condition and found her asloep has not yot been found. zer, a convict in the Michigan penitentiary, escaped and a rewar fercd for his capture. He with his wife who was having a hard stru, wle with poverty, and induced her to deliy Soshe did, aid a husband hat any man him up and get the reward. Frazer is happier than he Lias been for ye Before the wedding day he vows and pro- tests that his dearcst care will be he happi- ness, and that there is no sacrifice 0o g for him to make to secure her comfor Three months after they are married she to tack the blankets to ihe side of the bed to keep him from rolling himself up in all the clothics, The plump and pretty pers on who wants to form a “*Widows' trust’’ does not seem to ap- preciate the gravity of the undertaking. WVidows may be partial Lo corners,but ivis safe to say when it comes to a question of com- bination they will cry with one voice, “No trust. Experience is a great teacher, and the widow is a wily bird, Henry Schammel, of the packing factory he same name, procured a license to aged twenty-ni Greenwich street, Schammel was tho defendant in the long and bitterly contested divoree suit of his wife, finally decided in her favor by a jury, Bertha Wagner is also a di- vorced womau, who was one of Schammel's principal witnésses on the trial of the divorce cuse. . A school teacher in Buffalo county, Dak., who made a record for bravery during the blizzard, fell victim to his own rashness one day last week. His wife was one of ¥ rules as an exawmple to the other gchiolars. The next day the school house had this motice stuck on the door: “#School closed for one week owing to the illuess of the teachor.” A Belleville (Mich.) man “sat into a little game” the other night, a until after 3 a. m. Afier he had siept only a few minutcs, as it seemed to hiw, he was awakened by noises down-sta Jumping 10 the con that there were burglars down ther ed a shotgun, aud, without iting to cover his bare legs, dashed into | itchen Lo attack them. 1f he had waited | to dress himself ti ired girl would not have screamed 80 loud or dropped s0 much of the breakfast, There is now living in Pickens county, Georgia, 8 man who. during dounéd his wife's drss, kept his face ciosely shaved, and wore a big sunbonnet, in order w0 aveid being conscripted und being seat Lo h e front. The officers in search of rocruits frequently visited the housc and asked his wife where her husband was, and at the very moment he could be seen working in the field in femalo garb. By the time he had worn out seven of his wife's dresses he became tired of masquerading, enlistled and became & good soldier. Young man, you had better not try to flirt with a pair of hazel eyes, It 18 a waste of time and dangerous, “Thoy aro less suscepti- ble than the blue, and when once deceived do not pine away in grief, but_rally for revenge and take it out in scorn. If you tackle them you had better go in to win or ieave the coun- try. And whilo I think of it, I'll make an- other remark: When you woo and win and wed, you had better keep on wooing and winning afterward or leave the country. It talkes a power of love to do them. [, “Youwll write to me, John, of course?” said the wife of a Chicago man who was packing his valise for a journey to the cast, “Cer- tainly, Maria,” he replied. “I have alroady writfen soveral letters and deposited them in the postoftice here, and s soon as I reach Philadelphia I shall mail you two or threa more by special delivery. = You know I am only going to be away three weeks, and I am almost confident some of those lefters will reach you befora I return. Keep up 8 good heart, Maria. 'We are in the hands of a dem- ocratic administration, but the Lord reigns over all.” A recent Bismarck bride had *‘bad luck" on her wedding day. She had almost reached church when sho discovered that she had forgotten her bridal veil. Sho went back afterit. On the way to the church again she sheezed three times, and split the satin bodice {from belt to shoulder. The carriage stopped at a millinery store, needle and_thread were procured, and the rent repaired. As she stopped from the carriage at the church door the lace bottom of an underskirt caught, and the button at the waist gave way. AS she walked up the aisle the skirt bogan to slip down, but she managed to grab it through tho side of hor dress skirt, and_so hung on until she was safely marricd and_back in the car- riage. Then she wept, you bet ! —— RELIGIOUS. They are making church organs now so that they can be played by electricity. Moody and Sankey will devote a portion of the present month to reviving Denve Bishop Spalding thinks that celibacy threatens this country more than polygamy, In Illinois there is a population of betwe 500,000 and 60,000 wholly unreached by reg- ular religious ministrations, _The receipts of the American board for the first six months of its financial year ave about 70,000 in excess of those for the same period last yea Mrs. Cl id has given her influence to the movement for the elevation of the women 2 by uniting with the Ramabai Circle ,of the American board s Pebruary 1, abdut, $3,000 ine sufferers in Turkey. In all, since July lust,the amount has reached about £23,000, The Denver Jesuit Collego is destined to bo the leading one of its kind in the country, and the good fathers are watching its growth with much pride and are assiduous in their attentions, re four Norwegian Synodical Luth- crun bodies in this country, besides several independent. congregations, An effort is now being made to draw these synods and o will be divided among the superan- nuated preachers and widows and orphans of preachers, of the Methodist Kpiscopal chur r, §100,000 out of the profits thodist Book Concern. The Book Concern will be a centur old in 1850, Puget Sound academy hus the largest ate tendance this winter it has ever had. At the beginning of the term a 8o y of Christian endeavor was organized in tho academy which is doing & good work, Nearly all of the students belong, either as associnte or active members, When Henry Ward Beecher recei fivt appointment, it was at Lawre Ind., in 1837, He was his own sexton, he swept the floors and lighted the fires, he bought lamps for the church, filled and lit them. He opened the church at every meet- ing, and had the care of the pastorate beside, all for $300 a year, One-half the population of Newfoundland are Roman Catholics; the expenses of the government usually exceed the revenue; it has & public debt amounting to §12 per capita; the dominion does not care for its fisherie its trade is largely with the United States. This is the way the Toronte Mail looks at Macdonald’s scheme to adiit Newfoundland to the Canadian confegeration, From Victoria, B, C.. comes the report of the drowning of Itev. Sheldon Jackson, Mrs, R. Cunningham and two Indiane in Skiena river in Alaska. Mr. Jackson was well known to the Presbyterian church in the west and northwest asan able and zealous missionary among the Indlans, a work in which he Liad been engaged for the past guar- ter of @ century. Atthe time of his death he was in charge of the Indian school in Alaska under the divection of the United Btates government ed his eburg, o Jim Roberts, of Hartwell, Ga,, owns a rooster which swelled up the other day to an unnatural size. Out of curiosity Jim punctured the fowl’s skin with a penknife to find out if its great bulk were due to air bencath the skin. The oster at once collapsed W 1ts normal size and is-now all right,