Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, March 11, 1888, Page 16

1THE OMAHA DAILY BEE: SUNDAY, MARCH 11. 1888,--SIXTEEN PAGE _ = = _ = - S.P. MORSE & C0 Spring Dress Goods. - SPNORSEXCO Bargain in REGATTA BLACK SILKS 5P MORSES (D SPECIAL BARGAINS S.P.MORSE & CO Sole Omaha Agents for HE BEST SILKS MANUFACTURED. Weare soleOmaha afi(ents for these celebrated Silks.We warrant them to be absolutely pure silk, having no filling or leaded substances to wear glossy, and guarantee them to give absolute satisfaction in wear: To in- troduce them in Omaha we are at liberty to make prices that barely cover New Spring Styles. DRESS GOODS Opening Day Monday. Monday morning and during the week wo will offer an entire new stock of Foreign and Domes- tic Dress Goods that must command your atten- tion. Our importations of foreign goods have all arrived, while Mr. Morse has been in New York for the past two weeks selecting the chofoest styles to be found in the metropolis. French Plaid Dress Goods o8¢ These are a direct importation fromn France, measure 88 inches wide, come in all the newest #hades and are actually worth 85c; for one week we offer them at béc a yard. Mixed Beige Dress Goods, 19¢ Measure full 42 wide; for the same quality 1ast season we got $1.00a yard. Monday and during the week we offer them for 7ic a yard, Mousseline Gloth, $1.00. This 18 a new weave and something of a novelty in Dress Goods; full 42 inches wide, and comes in all the latest colors, Our price will be 21.00 a yard. . AGENTS FOR BUTTERICK’S PATTERNS S.P.MORSE & CO SURAH SERGE, BL.00. X we ofter 50 pieces of urah Serge in all of the Price, $1.00 a yard To-morrow and all wee’ this handsome lustrous newest spring shades, Foule Cloths $1.50. This 18 a cloth specially adapted for early spring wear, and comes in limited quantitie All the new shades—Reseda, Ralsine, Cop Olive and fronze tints, are represented in this assortment. Price, $160 & yard: width, 62 bttt 9120 Of this lot we have only 20 pleces; they come in spring shades oniy. Last season they sold readily at 65c; to close the lot rapidly we offer them at 37/4¢ a yard. Special Bargain, GrayTricots 79¢ 15 ploces Gray Mixed Tricots 54 inches wide, assorted mixtures fine French finish, would be good value at $1.25. Our price for one week will be Mail Orders Filled. 3. P.MORSE & €0 the cost of manufacturing;s REGATTA $1.50 a yard. This s a handsome, rich, lustrous silk, equal in durability to the most expensiqe silk made. ;&‘:.llom houses sell this same number at §2.00 a REGATTA BLACK SILKS! $1.75 a yard. Heavy and lustrous, measu isfaction guaranteed.’ Tn the sells readily at §2.60 a yard, REGATTA BLACK SILAS! $2.00 a yard. Equal tothe finest French Silks that sell read- 1ly for € 70; combines solidity with eleganc and at the price offered--82.00 & yard- bargain, es 22 inches, &at- ast_ this number BLACK SILS! [REGATTA BLACK SILKS! Thre Finest Numbers, $2.25,82.50 and $3.00 These are without doubt the handsomest silks ever shown in America, and are well worth the trouble of an examination. NEW SURAH SILKS, 889c¢c a yard. We have received the complete assortment ot shades made by the manufacturer; both street and party shades, This is a quality that sells readily for 81.26; Auring this salo we offer them at sie. CHECKED: SURAH SILKS ! $1.00 a yard. An_entirely new silk; comes in hair-line checks and just the thing for early spring wear, Price, $1.00 & yard, 3.P. MORSE & CO S.P. MORSE & CO IR AR R o0 i NEW BENGALINE SILKS! $2.00 a yard. Of this new weave of silk we are the sole agents for G. Bauvage & Co., Parls, who were the first manufacturers to introduce it. We have all the new spring shades, Huzzar cloth shades, O1d Blue, Medium, Lead, Algerie, Rai- sine and Reseda, besides a complete line of evening shades. For elegance and durability they are the best siiks manufactured, Faille Francaise, $1.75 a yard. This make of stk is also man ufactured by G. Sauvage & Co., Paris, whose name is a guaran- tee of reliability. These come also in street and party shades. Price, $Li5ayord. 5.P.MORSE &C0 InSpringHosiery Ladies' Fancy 182 striped Hose 030 Ladies Drop Stitched Hose 25C. 65 Guzen Ladies' Drop Stitch Hose, with halr- line stripe, a quality that usually sells for boc; our price while they last, 25c & pair, Ladies’ Fast Black Hose 25C. 75 dozen Fast Black Hose, warranted not to crock, or money refunded, Special sale price, a0, SERY i Ladies Bk French Lisle Hose B0 dozen Ladies' Black Frencn Brilllant Lisle Hose, a quality that has never retailed under 50c a pair. For one week we offer them at 38c a Ladies' Black Silk Hose ) 15 dozen Ladles’ Black Silk Hose that we have been selling as a bargain at $2.00. ‘We now offer atthe extremely low pri e of $1.2 a pair, Children’s Fast ¢ Black Hose, Z5 (, 80 dozen Children's Fast Black Hose, double knee, double heel and toe. at 25 a pair. We consider them just half price. S.P.MORSE& (D Yodts- On account of having the Foster lncing hooks many inferfor Gloves are being sold as the “Foster” to parties who belleve them to be genuine Foster quality, which 1s & suveriof French Real Kid Glove, made with special care in their tactory at Grenoble, France. To enable purchasers to distinguish the difters ence, they have changed their trade mark, and shall hereafter stamp all of their best yuality thus: Wo also carry a_complete assortment of the “Willlam” and “Fow cach paid stamped with one of the above brands; has ime proved hooks that will not catch in lnce, weag out sleeve linings, or accidentally unfastens We also show a complete assortment of 16 and 804nch lengths in opera and party shades, SPECIAL BARGAIN, Embroidered Gloves, $1.25. Monday morning and for one week we offey 100 dozen Foster's 6-Hook Gloves, embroidered back and made of genuine kid. They are & quality that {8 usually sold at 81.75, but during this sale we propose to sell them at $1.25 a pair, black and colors. Mail Orders Filled. S.P.MORSE & C0 TORTURE AT A LITERARY CLUB Disappointments a Novice Me: in Enlightened Circles. GOTHAM SOCIETY IN - LENT. The Worrell Sisters—Dame Fashion's Tyranny—The Female Monte Cristo - Mrs. Hicks-Lord ~—Clara Belle's Letter, v NEW YORK, March 8.—[Correspond- ence of the BEE.]—It sometimes takes a stranger to see New York in its true light. To most of usthe features of city life are commonplace and we pass them without noting. I am reminded of this by the experience of a young man now here on a visit, who received an invita- tion to attend one of the monthly gen- eral meetings of a well-known club—an organization that has a great prestige for its literary tone. Once on a time 1ts membership was exclusively literary and artistic, but when the club fell upon evil days, and the Bohemians failed to pay their dues. and debts accumulated, certain wealthy fellows who yearned to be thought literary were adinitted to- membership. Since then the com- mercial element has somewhat dom- mated its affairs, but there is still a good flavor of brain- work about the list of members. My young friend was naturally delighted @t his opportunity to see how writers and painters and other more or less noted men would appear in real life, and his anticipations were roused for a time of mental inspiration. By 10 o'clock iu the evening the rooms were full of members and a sprinkling of guests. The young man noted that there was no whisper of book talk, not a word about writing of any kind: but there was a little about art, incited by the exhibition of several exceedingly fine paintings. After a time a bounti- ful spread with much good liquors was exposed and eaten, the chattering on business and commonplaces continuing. Then came the entertainment, and the young man thought, “‘at last!” The first enteriainer was a Frenchy looking man with a wretched voice who sung a very bad satire on opera, Every- body has heard such efforts—sugges- tions of familiar airs rendered now in a squeaking falsetto and now in a croak- ing bass. Then a man recited a Will Carlton poem that everybody kunew by heart from so often hearing it. Next a well-known tenor sung a song in really 50011 style, and the enjoyment was loubtless genuine, for he was enthusi- astically encored, A species of enter- tainment followed that has been made pular by little Josef Hofman, A man &)ok possession of the piano and impro- vised pieces of themes given at random by members of the audience. It was a wild and exciting exhibition of a com- poser’s powers, and the young man who had been growing more and more disappointed, was di gusted. He was sufficiontly versed in musie to know that the faculty of im- rovising is no indication of genius,and bat it is a form of entertainment that only & genius can make interesting. But the climax was to come, An elderly gentleman was CALLED UPON TO RECITE. He began in a copfident, exaggerated manner a piece that depended for its slender tn&reic upon an agglommera- tion of puns made up from the titles of plays and eperas.;It is an ancient stump speech long since discarded asa musty chestnut by the minstrel show artists. ‘When unctously delivered it is toler- able. In this case the delivery was anything but adequate, and when the reciter had got about two- thirds through the tangle, apd all were in great hopes that the agony would soon b over, the gentleman stopped, looked blank an instant and then ex- claimed: “Ah? 1 got that wrong?” He began at the beginning while his audience resigned itself to patient suf- fering. On he went, growing more and more unsteady as - he preceeded, and when he reached the poi had failed he stumbled ags aid: “Really, gentlemen. you will have to excuse me, but it long a time since Tl get it right ible to relate he be- gan at the beginning and wandering aimlessly and painfully .along finally wound up amid a rattle” of prefunctory applause, The young man’s cup of sor- row was full, and he left the club with a snd ides to the cho: diversions of men of talent add brains. What are we doing in Lent? Well, the fashionable women are making re- ligious pretences, and not all of them are false. For instance, I met Mrs. Astor in the street leading a bootblack with either hand. She was talking carnestly with them,and L imagined that she was getting 1nformation about the manner of their lives, [ knew that her recently deceased sister-in-law had, not long bofore death, requested her husband to erect in her memory a home for bootblacks. She had already given money liberally for such an _institution for nowsboys, and had also devoted con- siderable ‘time to that sort of philan- throphy. But the bootblacks are not so well provided for, and I understand that the proposed Astor Home for them is to be erected without delay. Sleeping accommodations will be provided for the little fellows, and breakfasts will be sold to them at a nominal price. The problem with the ladies of the Astor family is how to give money away in ways that will really’ do good.” They dislike to encourage idle- ness or mendicancy, and yet they ave extremely desirous of helping people to help themselves, Less than a rod behind the good Mrs, Astor came along the naughnty Jennie Worrell, Idonotsay that Jennie has been outright wicked, because such an assertion would require particulars, but she has for twenty-five years been cur- iously vivacious, ~Perhaps the reader has no recollection of the Worrell sis- ters. Long before I ever wentinto a theater they were exponents of giddy burlesque,and at the time of my own first observation of them they were in the hoyday of their populurity. They were three. Sophie was the most talented, and she is still extant on the stage as the wife and co-performer of George S. Knight. Irene was the professional beauty of the trio, She is now keeping a boarding house for variety show folks. Jennie was the liveliest and most ven- turesome. She had spells of amusing the puplic off the stage as well as on, und at length she formed an attachment for big Mike Murray, the richest and handsomest professional gambler now in New York. What was REGARDED AS MATRIMONY between them lasted for many years, but along about 1852 it ceased, and Jennie went to Europe with her children, Murray was a figure ap the opera, the theater, race-course and inthe art galleries, for his tastes are exquisite as his vocation is bad, Jennie is here on & pleasure trip. She was wearing excellent clothes, and she looked as jolly as ever, though too old for a return’ to the old professional friskiness of the burlesque. Speaking of actresses, the public only gets faint and occasional ideas of the personal griefs which are often masked by the mimic jolity of the stage. An actress ata city theatre was engaged the other night, in the performance of a soubrette role. The part called for un- ceasing gayety of manner and frequent laughter. The job f done for the night, and the recess between acts was nearly over, when o telegiam was handed to he She opened it, and read the simple rds, “‘He is dead.” Her agitation was intense but it was no time for private sorrow. The prompter’s bell rang, the curtain wentup and the commedienne skipped into view of the audience as merry of aspect as before. The message had dropped from her nerveless hand at the wings, and a fel- low actor had picked 1t up. When the fir’\ came off the scene he restored it to ) n’t it dreadful? she asked. “Lamentable indeed,” the n plied, sympathetically. = “Who is it? My pet pug dog, Adele.” And dur- ing the rest of the play the poor masked her grief, and had not ev sympathy of that actor to sustain until the final fall of the curtain. DAME FASHION heartless tyrant in this Paris of America. Kven the grave is not sacred from her contaminating touch. A leading society woman loses u husband, a parent or a child by death. She weeps inordinately, refusing to be comforted, and declarés that life is no longer worth living, and she will never survive the sk It e an inti- mate friend, with opportunities for ob- servation, you will notice that she suf- fers frequent shocks of hysteria, and is a nervous wreck. Then the dressmaker arrives to arvange for her mourning outfit—and presto, she will rise from her lounge and stand patiently and without faltering for an hour while being measured and fitted by the modiste. And what is more remarkable, she finds self control suffi- ciently to insist that the garments be made up in the very latest style, or she will none of them. This presence of mind, of course, is not observable in the average woman, but among the ultr fashionable seems to be gaining in strength. Fashion in mourning gar- ments is more arbitrary, too, than it ever has been, and there is a marked inclination to closely copy the English. This is chiefly noticeable in headgear. For years, for instance, the long ecrape veil has been brought over the boonet and fastened straight across the top. Now the woman of extreme fashion de- mands it shall be brought forward, gatherad in front, and fastened thero with a large crape rosette—giving the impression of a black fan spreading over the top of the head. Other inno- vations are gaining headway in the matter of somber decoration, and the only excuse is that “It’s English, you know.” he figure of Death will doubt- less carry a scythe of English muanufuc- ture in time, ' Mrs. Hicks-Ford, THE FEMALE MONTE CRISTO, whose fortune is as unlimited as is her desire to surprise and dum found her acquaintances by magnificent parties and receptions, has rented an elegant house in Washington, made plans for half a dozen entertainments, which will throw society at the capital into a flutter of excitement. As her en- trance into Washington will bring her in contact with the representatives of the country, and as she is a4 woman who never takes a av.er but some novel re- sult follows, it will be of interest to get a good idea of her, now as she is still upon the threshhold of her departure. For years she has been what may be termed & plunger. Everything she has done o ublic na- ture has been of the her is a a ou amount of talk., She was Hicks, when she married Thomas Lord, a venerable and respected gentleman, who was very wealthy and considered beyond the thought of matrimony. When he died he left her n an envia- ble state,so fur as wordly possessions are concerned. Her millions were well invested, and she was shrewd enough to manage them herself. Inher beauti- ful residence, in Washington square, she has since lived like a queen, and has enjoyed life without a thought of the expense. Her parlors are gor- geously fitted up and contain some of the costliest bric-a-brac to be found in the metropolis. A curious feature among the pictures is the collection of Fm'h'uibs of European princes and no- bles. Queen Victoria and the entir English royal family, and the various members of the ruling family of the German empire, are included in it. In the back parlor is a life-size oil portrait of herself, us she was in her younger daps. It portrays a handsome and fas- cinating brunette. Up stairs Mrs. Lord has her business office, and this title is by no means used in the way of jest. She has her big desk and revolving chair. The pigeon holes are full of letters and papers relating to her business affairs, The management of a vast estate is no fool’s job, and Mrs. Lord has demon- strated her ability to do it well. The walls are hung with maps of her landed property, and to them she re- fers when tenants make complaints or demands for repairs. She has the de- tails of every picce of property she owns at her’ fingers’ ends, and knows the condition it is in, its market value, and the return it ought to bring to her. While pursuing to the reme limit society’s round of pleasure, she finds time to devote several hours out of each twenty-four to her office. Her judgment in the matter of tocks and bonds is said to be good, and she seldom loses in any speculation. The actual amount of her fortune is not generally known; but, judging from the amount she spends annually, her income must be enor The most “‘exclusive” member: society in New York have steadily re- fused to recognize Mrs. Lord, although she has contrived to win over to her ranks many that at first held aloof. Her acquaintance is very large, and, as is natural with a person of her wealth, she wields considerable power over many influential persons. Through these she hasas far as possible brought to bear a hewvy pressure upon society generally. At her last grand veception there were present persons Mps, Colonel Grant, J. W. Drexel, Gencral and Schofield, Governor Green of sey, and Mrs. Green, the duke castle, the Austrian minister and the Countes Esterhagn, She was as- sisted in receiving the guests by Mrs. Cyrus W, Field, jr., and Miss Rose Elizabeth Clevelund. This affair was the one that occasioned a wic I lished dispatch to the effect that a crowd of unseemly characters entered the house without invitation, demol- ished the free luncheon and misbehaved E’l‘m»ly. The hcuse was beautifully ecorated for the oc: & ion, there were two famous bands present, the costumes were maguificent and the luncheon one of Delmonico’s best, Mre., Lord wore a famous $250,000 collurctte of diamonds, which she produces on special occasions, when she wants to shine with par- ticular lustre. At the Chines mimswr'i New Year party in Washington, a shor! time ago, she outshons all the other women in her dis; lay of. diamonds. Be- sides a diamond belt and diamond brace- lots, she wore diamond pins and brooches of all kinds [fastened to the waist of her dress. Mes Lord will vrobas common and has caused @ considerable | bly have no difficuity in entering Wash- widow, Mrs. ington society, which is composed of so many different elements, that exclusive is not & term that can be properly ap- plied to it. Having made up her mind to “come out” in it, however, she will not do it any quiet way, but_with a vim that will attract widespread attention. CLARA BELL. NOVELTIES IN JEWELRY. An oddity in scarf pins is a dentist's for- ceps of gold. A miniture horseshoe of oxidized silver forms a new ornament for pin-cushion sides- A pear shaped pearl set in a bunch of leaves of diamonds and gold makes a rich brooch. An anchor of Roman gold set with thirtcen diamonds is a pretty brooch recently seea. A crab's w of oxidized silv s the rather unique design for an umbrells handle recently seen, A dumb-bell of silver, across which lies an Indian club of gold, is & unique design for a scarf pin. Ladies’ one sized Waltham watches, in bevel 1d, are among the finest of imepieces, lace pins a pretty desigu is a long sword of gold, the handle of which is set with fif- teen different jewels. A dusting pan of oxidized silver and a zolden broom make as odd a scarf pin as we ave seen for some time, A handsome brooch recently secen wasa large raised heart of diamonds, in the center of which was a huge garnet. In flasks .of oxidized silver, worked re- pousse, a now design represents a monkey sitting on a tree branch singing a lullaby to a cocoanut, An African’s head of quartz opal protrud- ing from the crevice of an opal in the rough, which is encircled by sixteen diamonds, is a handsome design in brooches, Asnail, the body of which is a mass of diamonds aua the back a large pearl, is an avtractive design for a brooch, A handsome scraf pin recently seen con- sisted of a Grecian head of moonstone set in the center of the blade of a gold broadsword, with a jeweled handle. A “daddy longlegs” of gold, the back of which is an opal and the eyes diamonds, makes a pleasing apperance when worn as the fastener of a lace collar. A handsome brooch is in the shape of a bat, the body of which consists of a large pearl and the wings of diamonds. The many small veins and the arms are of gold and the ears of diamonds. The animal 1s the Chinese sym- bol of good luck, A soup l4dle of unique design has a bowl of gold shaped like a buttercup and a handle of silyer representing a mast covered with ropes. At the top of the mast is perched a cupid enveloped in an ensign and holding high in his right hand a wreath, The handsomest desiga in_ brooches and vendants that we have seen for some time consists of a monkey, the body of which is composed of 300 diamonds and the hands and feet of enamal. The animal holds aloft in one hand a circle of forty diamonds, One of the latest importations in ladies’ bracelets is & chain of solid gold links, each one of which helps to form another. The in- ner side of the bracelet is made like the stom- ach of a snalke, jointed 8o that it is perfectly flexible, The bracelet is simple in design,but expensive ——— RELIGIOUS, A baptismal garment known to be 133 years old is in use in Pekin, 11I, Miss Delphine Baker is about to establish a christian paper in Jerusalem. T, De Witt Talmage is fifty-six years old. His voice and gestures remain unimpaired, though both have been subject to violent usage. John Wanamaker, the l’hilndvlfimu cloth- ler, is religiously inclined and has been a true friend to the Y, M. C. A. He has just given to the organization within his city the sum of 5,000, In the San Francisco free library is one of the most remarkable works ever given to the world. 1tis the Lord’s Prayer in no less than 415 different dialects. The work was compiled by A. Amer,and publishod in Vieuna in 1544, Rev. Dr. Joseph Parker is not put of reach of newspaper criticism even in England. The Loudon Truth says it wanls Americaus o understand that in England he 1s regarded as ssional. religious quack.” We all “knowed” i The Rev. E. Walpole Warren, of the Church of the Holy Trinity, in New' York, at a late meeting of the Baptist Social union, made a bitter attack upon Henry, Irving and ug the play as “the most filthy, evil, immoral” and disgraceful thing ever put upon the dramatic stage.” The following is the seating capacity of the eight largest churches of Europe: St. Peter, Rome, 54,000 persons; Milan Cathedral, 7,000} St. Paul, Rome, 25,000; St. Sophia, Constantinople, 23,000; Notre Dame, Paris, 21,0003 Florence Cathedral, 20,000; Pisa Cathedral, 18,0005 St. Marle 'Venice, 7,000. Among the converts of Mr. Moody’s meet- ings in Louisville is Jesse Hammond, who is reported to have been a notorious gambler. He was indicted a number of times. He at- tended one of Mr. Moody's services to scoff, but left in @ sober framé of mind. He went again and again, and finally professed con- version. « The Rev. Dr. Leonard W. Bacon has_been igorously assailing the faith cure, at Water- Conn., and the Rev. Dr. 8. H. Platt has entered the lists in its defence, men are doctors of medicine as well as nity, and 0 will be able to conduct a particularly interesting controve Platt was many years ago marvelously by faith, as he believes, of a most serious and apparently irremediably lameness, and has ever since been a strong advocate of healing by faith and prayer. London is to be ghe gathering place next June of an importafitgeneral conference on foreign missions, 1t is proposed to take ad- ntage of the experience of the last 100 years of Protestant mussions by gathering together christians of all Protestant bodios, engaged in missionary labors throughout thé world to confer with one another on those many important and delicato questions which the progress of civilization and the large expansion of missionary work have brought into prominence, “Phere is a meeting house in Audroscogin county, Me., that is called the “Potash Ket. tle” When 1t was built mecting-house stoves were unknown, but the congregation were progressive, and decided that they would like their pi ching all the better if could have it hot. So tney built a brick . procured an old potash kettle and set it, bottom up, over the arch., In this way they made a very successful heating apar- atus, which gave the house of God a name which it has retained for half a century. The Rey, Dr. John Hall is said to have pocketed since last September fully $30,000 in age fces, One bridegroom gaye him & ying the nuptial knot. Dr. Hall is worth $1,000 is total income is at least §100,000. Hi ation is the wealthiest in New York. Th $400,000,000 may be seen in the church Sunday morning. Dr. Hall has a monopoly of all the swell weddings. Brides who de- sire to be in the tashion insist upon being married by the millionaivs clergyman. — CUS NUBIALITIES, There is a young man in Baltimore who has proposed and been rejected nineteen times, Leap year has no terrors for him. A Brooklyn woman has completed a crazy quilt with 21,751 pieces in it. Her husband said to button his suspenders with a Lorse- 8hoe nail, A. Wellington, Kan., man told his wife that for 2 cents he would cut his throat. The required capital wrs advanced and the trans- action resulted in a prospective widow, The late Captain William Farren, of Fair- haven, Conn., left an estate valued at $300,- 000, He willed the bulk of it to his adopted daughter, Miss Sophia Farren, on condition that she remains unmarried. If she marries nly portion will be an annual income of $2,500, Details regarding the life of John Har- vard, founder of Harvard college, Cambridge, Mass.,, are very meagre. Within a few weeks past. however, there has been found at Blackheath, England, the record of the arriage between John Harvard uwnd Anne Sadler, which was -solemuized the 10th of April, 1636, Vichita girls stand no fooling. One of them was to have been married a day or two since, aud the girl was all ready, the ministor on hand, and the feast was spread, but still no bridegroom. “I'll wait for him just ten minutes, and then I'!n open to proposals.’’ Tem minutes flew like the wind, and a little red-baired fellow, wilh @ paper collar and bis tronsers frayed at the bottom, stepped up, proposed, was accepted, married, aud scooped in the banquet. According to the Democrat of West Bend, Wis., there is a man living near that place who has been marri on years and who does notknow his wife's given name. Sha became insane recently, and the man's re- markuble ignorance was revealed when ap- ication was made for her commitment to lum, Evidently the unfortunate wifa 1'a man was quite excusable for goin insane, and there appears to_be no very goo reason why her husband should not haya been put in an asyluw some time ago. “You advertised for an expert accountant, sir¢” “Yes, I did. Have you had much experience!” About thirty year: ir; in long and tangled interest, partne counts, confused govs and bankrupt counts, and—'"' you to do is this i$ my wife's shopping iist for one da; There are gbout twentys five items. Seo what she bought, how mud she paid for it, and what the total amount is.”” But the accountant hositated, shoolk hi head, and said that his only brother die in an insane asylum for undertaking just’ such a thing, and he believed he wouldn's touch it. e PEPPERMINT DROPS. A fellow once tried to toboggan On a hill near the Androscozgin, And now he stands whei And his liquors and wine 4 He sips through a straw in a noggin, “We've won our suit,” the lawyer said, ‘And gleefully rubbed his pate. “And what your charges, sir?” they said, “Oh, merely the saved estate.” The public will surely sour on the vinegar “trust.” A matter of great menth. Cupid is always shooting and forever malks ing Mrs, Old flames frequently gev together and make a parlor mateh, With the treasury department using 18,000 towels a month it looks as if the financjal crash were already here, It is a notable fact that however cleanly seamen may be on the water they have a dée cided dislike to being washed ashore, The coat-tail flirtation is the latest. A wrinkled coat-tail bearing dusty toe marks means, *'I have spoken 1o your fathe A new play has been written called “The Telegraph Messeng and all the funny men are saying at ouce that it will never get there. Many a man who remains ‘“‘at the office' till late atnight to balauce his books finds considerable difficulty in baluucing himself on his way home, Passenger—*It seems to me that we're s very long time getting to Wildcat station, Conductor—*"Well, you see, last night's bliz- zard blew it ten miles down the track.” According to the decision of an Albany judge, 8 man's legal residence is the place ‘where he has his washing done. This seems to leave our friends, the anarchists, out in the cold. Hehiller was only fourteen when he wrote the play of “The Robbers,” and, of course, knew nothing about the members of the sugar trust. ‘This gecounts for the omission of their names. “Whisky is fearful stuff, young man,” he said, warningly. “Some of it is, sir,” res sponded the young man, tendering his bottles “but just try a nip at that. Itlmake your hair curl,” “Good ! said the old man, smacks ing his lips. Danville, it 1s reported, has a saloonkeeper who has two grown sons who ‘‘never took & drink of whisky or smoked a cigar, und who seldom u rofane or indeceut language.” Perhaps thoy drink gin and smoke & pipe, Tastes differ. “Musicians are nearly always poor,”} res marked a traveling man to one of the clerky in the store. “‘Yes, I've heard s0.” “Therg is no reason why the leader of an orchestra should not get rich.” “Why#" ‘‘Because e always does @ flourishing business.” “Where was the African race 100 yea ago!” asks Irederick Douglas. Nursin George Washington and attendiog on him, Froderick, every lust solitary, lingering man, woman, and pickapinny of 'em sah; the whole endusin’ crowd, kit, cluster, un’ bilin® of "ewn, interest—5 per cent g