Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, December 25, 1887, Page 11

1311 FARNAM STREET. HONEY FOR THE LADIES. WMrs. N. P. Willis will winter in Washing- l tor. A woman never lies—she simply forgets facts. "he older the maiden the sweeter her talk fo ihe cat. Some of the new bearskin muffs are of enormous size. Black lynx garment with, : Ecoentric simplicity is now the cue of Pari- siau milliners, Maud asks: ‘‘How can I get white hands®” Make bread, Maud. Silver fox is a beautiful but very delicate gur. It is always costly. The long seal sacque, 42 or 48 inches in Jength, never goes out of fashion, Men are too much inclined to accepta pretty woman at her face value. Mauy of the best dressed women in New ‘York have discarded the bustle. The girl with the ring in her voice who will always chime $n when anything is tolled. Boston Girl—Isn't it delightful to sit in the gloaming and pick out faces in the fire- place! 2 Cross fox furs are very becomi ‘brown bars or crossings on the yellow fine effect. Chicago Girl—We never sit in the gloam- ing when we do that; our fire place is in the back parlor.—Judge. For mourning jewelry black onyx, black enamel and English crape stone follow the fashions of gayer gems. % ‘Women are toe dearest, cutest creatures in the world, but they can’t tell how a shoe fits till they see the number. In flower pins, a single blossom upon a big leaf enamelled in the natural color, is the most attractive new fan Itis a solemn hour with a rose-lipped so- ciety bud when she bogins to wonder vaguely how a mustache feels on the face. Insurance Agent—How many time have ou been mapried, ma'm! Widow—Hold ou, "1l look in my hair album and see. Machine-stitching, if properly done, is the most effective mode of finishing asimple cloth dress desigded for utility purposes. As a makewright, bonnets of good lace— duchesse or rose point, the very acme of quiet clegance—were never in higher favor. A lady in Saline county, Missouri, came within 16 votes of beating the most popular an in the county for the office of register of deeds. P Fashion now requires the lady to exchange rings with her fiance, aud the correct one for the purpose is of heavy gold, with a single stouc set flush. A novelty in evening dresses will be spot- ted colored tulle druped over silk of the same color. This will make very pretty dinner and evening costumes. ‘The crazy quilt craze has had a variation in Counecticut,where & woman has embroidered the notes and werds of “Home, Sweet Home,” on a hnen sheet Among the fashionable furs of the present tiger skins appears. It is well to remember that the color of this fur is not geuerally be- coming 1o the complexion. Two hrxx New Jersey young woman, di rutisfied with the money they made teaching, invested 850 in poultry. The first year their profits were §1,000, the second, §3,000. The former residentsof Ohlo, now living in Topekn, Kas., have organizod & society snd a good fur to trim a long seal wdopted for a motto, un of Ohio mever shone on the face of an ugly woman.” According to whe Hoo. William L. Bowdliteh one-tenth of all the taxes in Massachusetts are puid by the women. In Rockford, TLL., the women pay two-thirds of the taxes. Mrs. Heary Fawoett, widow of the bliad postmaster general of England, talks of ecturing in America. She was a devoted wife and is a most accomplished woman. “How Is it you have so many young men callon yout!” ssked a tealous girl. “‘Be- [e " was the reply, “father has the gout iu onc foot and the rheumatism in the other.” b4 Purses of silver net work, through which the coin shows, have a circular opening at the top, closed by either an engraved coin or a richlly chased medal with the owuer's mon- ogram. h‘lif:l-uu Wllksll ‘A:.h favor of worrying islatures wa y make us ap- propriations for flrh’ hhmmh. Frances must catch her legislator when he young and impressionuble. All shades of yellow from the beautiful creamy primrose and corn colors,and grading from orange to the most pronounced copper dye, are noted in fabrics for full dress wear and for expensive millinery. It seems to be a pretty well understood fact that average American women of to-day. at least in cities, are much heavier and better built than those of a generation or two ago. So much for athletic sports. It is reported that Lady Habbertson wili shortly bring herself and her dress-reform notions to this country. Her plan is to at- tack the corset,next the bustle, and finally to introduce he bifurcated skirt. Rose is to be one of the fashionable colors in elegant evening dress this winter. Therc are new exquisite tints of this color, ranging from palest blush rose and cameo to the de- ecided rose shades, that are becoming to both fair and dark women. it is posed to abolish dishwashing ‘The idea is to_make paper dishes 8o cheap that one can afford to throw them away after each meal. They can be madeas pretty as chi- na, as stroug as desired and will be noiseless and not liable to break. For ladies whosc features are best en- hanced by larger setting a revival is imminent of the coal scuttle, or poke, of our grand- mothers, made in soft silk beaver; but at present they are so unusual as to be only suit- able for carriage wear. A polonaise or waist and draperies of black cloth is again fashionably worn over a colored skirt, preferably tan, green, terra cotta, light chamois or pear] gray, and as mu- terial silk or velvet has the call, though con- trasting wool is sometimes scen. Sealskin turbans, with brims of Persian lambskin, and seal riding hoods, English walking hats, toques, and jockey caps, with fur visurs shading the eyes, are among the comfortable and expensive winter head-cov- erings for women, young and old. A vew mnovel is called “A kady's Four ‘Wishes.” An old bachelor says he hasn't road the book, but he knows what her “First, a new bonuet; second, & : third, a new bonnet; third, a new bonnet; fourth, a rew bonnet.” For trinuning there are ribbons in immense variety—silk, velvet, plush, gauze—and many with seven shades of one color, They are four to seven inches wide, and the crowns are swathed rather than trinmed with them, unless a loosely-tied scarf is the style chosen. A woman who through some nervous af fection had lost the use of her legs for years, ‘was suddenly restored completely by a fright caused by a drunken fellow who threatemed to kiss her. She escaped by runmning and has never had & recurrence of the weakness. The callous philosopher who has never ex- perienced the joy a man feels when he tries to kiss a girl in the dark and gets stabbed in the eye with her nose, has no business to ex press an opinion about kissinz. Are our mouths merely holes for pies? We think uot. “‘Mamma,” said a young lady, just ho from school, and gazing upon Alexander H rison’s “Opeéra Sea,” *'is this il painting painting or a water color?”’ *“'Sh,” answered her mother, with a look of surprise and cha- grin. “It's a water color. Don't you scethe wateri” Among the new devices in waist buckles are srme very handsome ones in oxydized metal, fashioned after the pattern of old Nor- wegian silver clasps, aud bearing 4 marked resemblance to the clasps wear remarkably weli, and there are brooches and bangles to correspond. “You say, Mr. Smith,” sard the girl in a low, thoughtful, this-is-a-serious-matter sort of tone, ““that you have leved me for five years and have uever dared to tell me so until to-night?’ “Yes,” he replied. “Well, 1 cannot be your wife. A msau whe has no more courage thau that won'd feign to be asleep while a burglar stole his shippers.”” ‘Watered silk are again the rage. Late in the summer they were out of style, and casos of more silks and satins were everywhere thrown upon the bargain counters marked at ‘ruinous prices.” Fo sooncr were these “joh lots" fairir dispesed of than the tide turned ie their favor again, and incoming steamers are now bringing to our shores large imveices of high novelties in wacered effects. The huge feit hats, effective and pictur- esque as many of them are, ure chiefiy worn by Americans and foreigners, but & pretty woman who likes te look as she were “sitting for her pertrait” may feel that con- sterling metal. Those | BEYMAN & DEICHES FAMION EMPORIUM. Spo:hl Bargains FOR THE HOLIDAYS IN EVERY DEPARTMENT. Sealskin and Fur-Lined GARMENTS. We Guarantee all our Maska Sealskin Garments First class in every respect. Fur Muffs, Boas and Collars, English Seal Plush Barments. DON MADE NEWMARKETS, RAGLANS AND JACK ETS, TAILOR MADEK SUITS, Teg: Gowns, Wrappers, Mainegs, NOVELTIES IN JERSEYS. Merino, Muslin and Gambric UNDERWEAR, NOVELTIES IN Black and Colored Dress Goods, BLACK AND COLORED SILKS, MOIRES, Etc. Mourning Goods a Spacialty! HEYMAN & DEICHES, * 1618-1520 Famam Stregt, O MAHA, - - - - - NEB OPEN EVENINGS. summation best attained by douning the large felt hat of the Rembrandt order, with its brim turned up on one side, its nodding ostrich plumes and large bows of wide moire ribbon. The so-called Alaska sable now 80 popular for coats, pelerines, boas, and for dress aud cloak garnitures is in reality the handsome martin of other days under a new title. ent state is _perfectly deodor- popular far for garnishing, the stylish and stately Russian lhng coats of red, terra-cotta and dard green (erman broadeloth. The “grandmoth gown just brought out for missess and very young ladics has u straight full skirt shirred three times at the top, and sewed with a headling on to a loud pointed waist that fastens behind and comes high at the throat where it is finished by a turned over collar of white pleated gauze. Tight sleeves end just below the elbow. and have the sane gauze pleatings, making a whole singularly quaint and charming. Short watered silk or crepe-lisse plastrons are as frequently seen on mew costumes as the long popular vests. These have velvet bretelles beyond, faced with the watered silk. The high collar matches the plastrou, aune there is asecond turn-down collar to match the revers. Very frequently there is added a Swiss girdle, pointed front and back, and edged with a single row of small beads. At the left side is fastoned a kerchief pouch made of velvet.with a daintyspray of flowers in the center, embroidered in silk and beads. The new ~*China™ silks of American manu- facture are soft, glossy, very pliable, and of fine finish. They are sold in various shades of fashionuble colors—new gold, pale zolden terra cotta, moss, and absinthe green, several dil s deep orange, golden brouze, ete. are shown in piain and figured patterns, and are in special request for tea gowns, bride maids’ dresses, and for full dress evenin, wear. combined with vevet or colored silk laces and nets. © Pretty draperies are made apart from bodices, on to which they are adapted at pleasure. They are generally wade of soft silk, such as foulard, or surah. or of silk crape. A new pattern is of coral pink sural draped near the left shoulder und gathered the waist line. The high collar is fastened on the left side with a bow of coral-pmk rib- bon. A fringe of loons of very nurrow rib- bon of the same color is put oh ‘ali down the right side. It is fashionable to wear facingzs to match upon the sleeves. This coior looks well upon dresses of almost any shade of gray, brown, green, purple or dark red for the daytime; and can also be worn over a lightcolored toilet for the evening. In creamy white it will look best over a blue or pink dress. NO\_'EIJ TOYS. Among new mechanical toys of American make is a “*Buffalo Hunt,” with Buffalo Bill on horseback sbooting at two monster bulis. A French cook drinking champagne out of a bottle and carrying a white kitten in a saucepan comes among the fine mechanical French toys. The kitten raises the lid of the saucepan to peep out every time the cook raises the bottle to his mouth. One of the prettiest juggler's tricks for a Christmas party is an inexhaustible box from which the performer draws st pleasure a lass of water or wine, toys, flowers, bons bons. He can at any time prove to the com- pany that the box is ewpty by laying it down on the side for them to look into it, but he continues to draw forth his treasures of Banta Claus’ wares as soon as it is set up agun. Among the mechanical cat toys are: “Puss in Boots," dressed as the Marquis of Cara- bas, and ringing the bell of the mill tower, the miller throwing open his window at the sound; a “Cat Concert,” under the light of a cigar-smoking woon; a white Kittie hiding in a bigz black boot and peeping ut intervals over the top of it; a full cat orchestra, with Kitties of various sizes, ages, and colors, playing on both wind and stringed instru- { ments, and a big drum: *a queer couple,” anda big brindied Ttalian cat, with calm green eyes, wiuking at the anties of an acrobat while turning its head from side to side, all to musi e So the little fellow told his story very ear- pestly, becoming positively dramatic when he renched the climax and said, “And angel of the Lord sad unto Lot's wile, skate for your life and donuon_ look back, but ::13-‘ look back turaed & somer- To Our Host of Friends & Customers, “{LL“AW eeting: With Compliments! of the Season. joyful New Year. ESTABLISHED 1856, ONE PRICE CLOTHIERS COR.FARNAMa3 We wish you all a right royal, merry Christmas and a happy 0ld & New May the cordial relations existing be- tween us and the confidence we have won by our honest square and time tried-dealing, be continued for many years to come. On our part, the business we established thirty-two years ago, with its principles, rules and methods will continue the even tenor of its way. We willinvariably prove every word we advertise. Our guarantee alone is always sufficient to satisfy the once doubtful, that we sell the best clothing to be had in town, arrd at less money than inferior qualities are held by others, We offer the most startling values and sensational priceS from now until the New Year, in MEN’, BOYS' AND CHILDREN'S OVERCOATS. Prince Albert suits, at $20; can’t be duplicated elsewhere less than $30. Silk muffiers from 75¢ up to $7.50. Silk suspen- ders and fancy neckties. Read Our Guarantee. We gnarantee every garment in our immense clothing establishment to be of better work: manship, finer material. better fitting and lower in price than may be had in town for any- wlere near the same amount. duplicated for the same price elsewhere. M. HELLMAN & CO., Cor.Farnam & 13th-sts The oldest clothing house in Omaha. The most liberal in advancement, and lowest in price. Equal courtesy and equal terms to all. Price marked in plain figures. the one mow being built by the negro dist Episcopal church there, The total amount expended last year by the New West commission in their schools among the Mormons was #1,315. The Russian church, w! process of construction during the last ten Yyears on the Mount of Olives, is now finished. Archdeacon Farvar has written the New Year's tract for the Scottish Tempearnce llmmc taking for his title “The Curse of Drink.” The boys in one of the Troy (N. Y.) socie- | ties hav league, Endea organized a Loyal Temperance ind made it a branch of the Christian paring for the minist tutious in the newer states. The Interior (Presbyterian) admits that there is much truth ‘anon Taylor's article on “Islam in Africa” and that the negro tribes arc fast embracing Mohammedanism. The largest Swedish Lutheran church in America is the one just completed at Minne- apolis. It will accommodate 5,000 persons. Evangelist Moody has been asked to preach at its opening. The late © J. H. Wilbur, D. D., in his will devised 10,000 to the missionary society of the Methodist opal church, & the church extensio iety and §1 the Freedman's Aid society. Thursday was donation day at the Phi delphia home for nged and infirm colored persons. A colored clergyvman, who years of age, opencd the ceremoni day with praver. His name is John and Le was born in Virginia in February, 1w A gift of real estate valued at £40,000, has been made by ex-Mayor Thomas B. Peddle, of Newark, N. J., to the First Baptist church for the site of w chureh, which Mr. Pod- dle offers to erect at his own expense ata cost of #75,000. This is the largest religious donation in the histo: Newark The orthodox Jewish congregations of New York have selected Rabbi Jacob Joseph, alias Jacob Chariff, Wilna, Rus as their chief rabbi, giving him the title of “‘chief rabbi of " although the majority of congr e the eloetion of a chief rabbi was contem- ¥ of the late Rev. John J. Rior- » Romun Catholic mission at York, took place last athedral. There was rpresenting almost Archbishop € m mass. A delegation present. en raised for a build- ing im London to be used by the Noncon- formists as their headquarters. The arch- bishop of Canterbury and others have pre- sented a petstion to the queen asking for a charter under the name ~The Corporation of the Church Hopse,”” and the petition will come before a cpmmittee of council January 16, 1888, dan, pastor of t Castle Garden, New week, in St. Patrick’s an immense attendan all classes of society, celebrated the reqy of 200 clergymen wer A jubilee fund has b ———— IMPIETIES. Mr. Crobar 18 a powerful lever in a Sagi- paw, Mich., church society, where the Rev. Mr. Broadax hews a branch from the tree of evil every Sunday. A man has sent #25 conscience money to a church. It is supposed he always slept dur- ing the sermon, and was at last awakened to the fact that he ought to pay for his lodgings. Deacon Jones (to country minister) some of the members of the congregation, Mr. Goodman, complain that you do mot speak oyd euough. Country Minister—I speak as d as 1 can afford to Dencon at §00 a year. Rev, Henry B. Townsend, pastor of the Presbyterian church in Phillipsburg, N. J., ned because members of his con- gregation got up a fair where guessing at the number of beans in a bottle was onc of the means of gathering in dimes Mr. Berry, of England, to Plymouth church warden, Brooklyn : *It pains me deeply, gentlemen, And I am sorry, very, To tell you that 1 must decline To be your huckle-Berry."” . “‘Who walked on the water to mect the Master!” asked a Sunday school teacher. “‘Peter,"” shouted the class What bappened to " sank in the water.” “Very well. How did he get out of h has been in ; the water!"” ‘‘Petered out!" sang out the red-headed boy at the foot of the class, A worther miuister gave notice of a prayer meeting that was to be held immediately after, and unconsciously added: ‘“‘There is 10 objection to the female brethren remain- ing." This reminds us of a clergyman who told in his sermon one Sunday of a very af- fecting scene where there wasn'ta dry tear in the house. Pastor (looking in collection basket)—*‘Dey am seberal coius in dis yer basket 1 ncber saw de denominashum befo'. Dey am made oh bone about as bi; a half dollar, some am colored white an’ some am blue —de most am white. Asdey am no useto de ch'ch, dey’'ll be returncd to de ownmer if he comes for- ward.” (Nobody stirs.) A certain rabbi who prides himself more upon his periods than his piety, went toa well known barber and said, with a twinkle e: “Now, I want you to cut my hair as short as you would my sermon.” On ris- ing from his chair and ruefully surveying his bald and shining head he was constrained t observe that the barber wanted no sermon | at all. Clergyman to barber—My friend, church do what ou attend? Barber—I don’t go to any. Clergyman (shocked)--Don't you know that by absenting yourself from the sanctu ary you are imperilling the future welfuve of your immortal soul? Barber—I don't know about that; but I do know that & mun of my conversational capabilities hasn't & ghost of achunce togive ‘em a show in church. Next! S SINGULARITIES. An eight ounce was born field, Mass., a short time ago. A kind of ant in Honduras will prey upon houses, and when once started will soon eat one down. Three lengths of track went out of sight in the big siuk hole on the Lowell & Hastings railroud recently. Georye Brill, of York, P: teach his dog to catch articles that were thrown to him. He threw a silver dollar and the dog caught and swallowod it. A farmer of Saline county, Tllinois, lost a calf o long time ago, and recently, in drain- e of swamp land on his farm, he red the animal's body lying under er and completely petrified. At Calera, Ala., a citizen saw a hawk swoop down on a snake and attempted to fly away with it. As the hawk mounted upward the suake coiled itself around the bird and crushed one of its wings. The hawk and suake together fell to the ground and the Calera man killed them. Among the uncertain orops the potato crop stands prominent. So thinks Minot Ste son of half-acre lots with potatoes. From one he dug 150 bushels; not one decayed. From the other, which was near by and which had the same care, his crop was fifteen bushels, While the queen’s hounds recently, were chasing a deer in England, the animal took 1o u railroad track and presently rounded : curve right in the face of an express g forty-five miles an hour. The deer swi in time to save its life,but the hounds foll ing close behind ran square into the locomo- tive and several of them were cut to pieces. Henry Benson, of Hayden Hill, Cal,, has a petrified salmon, which he found on « hill- side 1,500 fect high. The flcshy part re- sembles crystallized and varie Juartz, retaining in part the yellowish color of the salmon, and what was the skin of the fish is now a sort of porcelain or white flint. It is supposed to be a relic of some ancient river. Justice Jaunasch, of Kulamazoo, has a par- rot that he wouldn't sell for its weight in silver. Ou five different occasions has ihis intelligent bird saved the house from being burglarized. The last time was on & recent night. The burglar got the door unfastencd, but when he opened it the parrot asked, in & stern and larsh voice: “Hello, there! What's tiuc matter!” The burglar didu't answer, but fell over himself inhis desperate hurry to get away from there. There is a curious well of water at the Kelly place, near T y ¥ burg county, Seuth Carolma. The well is about twenty feet deep, and the water on one side of it is all the time bubling up like when it is boiling. Onthe opposite side of the well the water is in & constant state of agilation, sizzing and popping as though it was confined iu a hot vessel. The noise can be heard some distance from the well. The water is coid snd fine for use. This pheno- menon has been going on fGr some time, at Wake- was trying to t Kent, Conn., who planted two | CONNUBIALITIES. It is again reported that Senator Saulsbury will shortly marry a southern girl. The marriage fees of some New York clergymen are said to amount to more than their saluries. By and by undoubtedly marriage licanses and divorces will be sold in single perforated sheets, and young men can buy round trip tickets to matrimony at reduced rates. She—*‘Before we were married you prom- ised to fulfil every wish you read i but I don't find it so at all.” He— that time I have grown very near sighted.” Friends of Mrs. Logan intimate that if that lady does not marry within another twelve months it won't be the fault of a rich Wash- ington widower. Meauwhile, however, she says nay. Mr. aud Mrs. Joseph Ramsdell of Warren, ss., have just celebruted the sixtocnth anniversary of their married life. Mr. Rams- dell is eighty-seven ycars of age, while Mrs. Ramsdell is eighty. To render marriage ceremonies more im- pressive the audience now remams standi until the minister concludes. ‘What is need:g very much in these da; { divoroes is some- thing to make the mmit‘fii remain standing after th eminister concludes. A dlspatch from Paris states that Maurice Bernhardt is to be married to the Princess Virginia Clotide Jablonowski, great-grand- daughter of Lucien Bonapart. Maurice Bernhardt is the son of the actress, and the bride is a cousin to the claimants of the im- perial throne of Frauce. Brown, who has married the eldest of seven daughters, tried to quarrel with his mother-in-law the other eveniug. *Brown," said she, *I am not going to ruin mny reputs- tion by quarreling with you. Wait till my other girls are married. At preseut asa mother-in-law, T am only an amateur."” At the wedding of Governor Alger's daughter in Detroit, Wednesday evening, the young people were married at the bedside of Mrs. Alger, who was too ill to leave her room, and when they went down to the parlors i they were husband and wife. *The guests had a good time, but they missed the marriage. Brown—You're a lucky dog, Robinson. So you married a girl worth half a million dol- lars in her own right. Robinson (ruther more sadly than the circumstances would seem to warrant)—Y Brown—You ought to put up the drinks. Robinson—All right, old man Just wait while | run into the house and sce if I can get u dollar. ham girl cnzaged portrait of the y Before the young man died, mewmento of her lost love: Nota bit of it, She drove a bargain with the artist to alter the features so as Lo make it a portrait of an- other sweetheart whom she is dctermined to marry. Says the New York Graphic: *Aproposof Mrs. W. K. Vanderbilt it is said that she and her husband have settled 5,000 a year on the former's sister, Miss Minnie Smith, who is now enguged for the --th time, und who this time has announced Turin as the scene of her coming nuptials, although nobody seems able w0 speak with authority on the name of the latest lucky man.” When first engzaged Snhe used to write On monogram paper Of creawy white. delivered ep it asa But since we're married — It's rather hard She says all she 1 Ou s postal-card. Ex-Geovernor Roberts, of Tcxas, aged sev- enty-two, was married Friday at Newbraum- fels, Tex., to Mrs. Kate Bordens, of Tyler. Mr. Roberts was governor of Texas from 1878 10 1s52. He was called “The Old Alcade’ be cause of bis granger proclivities. 'While gov- ernor he attracted sttention by refusing to follow the example of President Hayes in is- suing thanksgziving prochunation. He is now a law professor in the University of Texas. A Middletown, Pa., letter of December 12 says: “A wedding that came off in Port vis, this county, one day last week has cited some g of a scosstion among the friends of the contracting parti was Henry C. Ford, presi fisheries commission of Pennsylvauia, and the bride was Miss Susannah Van Gordon, sged eighteen, of the hamlet of Egypt Mills, in the same state and just across the Del- We will return the money for any purchase which can be | aware river from Port Jervis. Mr. Ford is ¢ nticman approachiag three score yoars ané as four grown children. An amorous Pole rejoicing in the name o Viadishof Kofmofsky married s Warsaw girl in his 27th year. When the honeymoon was up he took his young wife's personal savings and departed for Galicia, where he moved about to a number of cities within two years and married three girls. serving each of them successively as he had done the first, until the police got on his scent and he had to skip. He weptto Prussia, wherehe was married for the fifth time. Soon after he went back to Poland and married No. 6 at Mia That girl being rich, he was able to take his traveling expenses from her ona larger scale, and skipped to Warsaw. Hav- ing obtained work at a factory he s in finding favor with the blooming daughter of the factory janitor, and was just going to make her his wife No. 7, when No. 6 made her appearance and saved the girl. Shedid not, however, sucoved in stoppind the career of this new Don Giovanni, who had hardly seen that his game at Warsaw was ‘when be again skipped and went to parts un " e, BRIGHT LITTLE PEOPLE. One of the teachers recently asked s ’ufll what 1bs stood for. *‘Elbows, I guess,” was the unexpected reply. A bright little lady whose confidence is en- joyed by the editor discovered the day after Thauksgiving that ‘‘cranberry sauce has seven different kinds of bad tastes.” Little Tommy—Ma, wouldn't it be nice if you had the toothache, ’'stead of Bridget! Mrs. Blueblood—Why, my son! Tommy— Cnu:u you could take your teeth out;she an't. Robbie—Mamma, doesn’t it make hands warm to spank me? Mamma-— yes, Robbie it does. Zobbie—Wouldn't it just as well then, mamma, to go and hold ‘em over the register? A little chap uptown who calis himself Doc- tor Sol, says wiser things than one would ex- pect from a three year old. **“When will baby talk,” he said 1o his mother the other day. “When she gets het teeth.” ~ “All her teeth " “AIL" “Well, T don't believe it,” said the little fellow after reflection, ‘Grand- father has only one tooth and he talks you to death.” Master Freddy thinks himself by no means the least important member of the house- hold- One evening, after he and his sister had gone to bed in the nursery, a violent thunder shower came up. The children's mother, thinking they might be frightened by the storm,went upstairs to reassure them. Pansing just outside the nursery door. she heard Fred say to his sister, who was crying, “Don’t 00 be *fraid, buby ; uie an Dod’s here.’ Little Noble M—— is six years old, hand. healthy and restless. He climbs upon manipulates the telephone as well The other day his mamnma called band for a short talk, after which anded tho “phone’ to Noble, who sang “Hello!"” *“What's that!” came ou Mr. M——, who was surprised by the reply, “An Awful Bad Boy “Why, what have you been up to, Noble?” “Oh—um- woll; I teased Edgar:" his younger brother, "Wh{ did you do that!” “God made me s0; couldn’t help it!" Alittle miss recently attended religious service, where she heard the gospel ln-a part gos| “Scattcr Seeds of Kindpess," one ‘which runs as follows: As when winter's snowy piuions Shake the white down in the air, On returning home she told her mother such a funny piece had been sung at church: *My dear, whut could that have beent” fn- quired the interestod 1. Why, mamma, .y were all singins ‘shake the nightgown i the air. A writer of humorcus short stories was stopping at & summer hotel where he was ad- mired by two small boys who had read his tales. A o writer was ovidently a curiosity to the youngsters. Finally, one of up courage 1o speak to him, ———, who writes stories for The writer acknowiedged his ¥ with becoming modesty,and the boy, after a moment of reflection, ‘continued his investigations: *‘How much do they pay for one of those stories ! F'rom $30 to §50,” replied the writer, kindly, and the youngster seemed buried in tholght, Sudde the question came like a kot Trom a gun: “Well, wouldn't they pay you more if your stories were not so foolish A U 71 7 SIS