Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, October 23, 1887, Page 9

NewDresstoo NEW DRESS GOODS! ———— Our new dress goods are all in and are selling very fast. Prices were mnever cheaper. and stock never more complete. We quote Tricots, in all colors, at 20¢, 30c, 40c, 50c and T5¢; extra value at each price, S)RCil Bl 1 case 40 inch all wool English Diagonals, very fine and heavy, in all colors, at 50¢ per yard. Ask to sce these goods. A full line of Plaid DRESS GOODS at 25¢, 50¢, The, $1 and $1.25. A good assortment at each price. We lavite &l o Call and Ex- aming Our Stock.” ‘We show goods with pleasvre. If you cannot visit our store in person Send for Samples We prepay Express Charges on goods or- dered by mail. s, Be & Co., _ 1319 FARNAM ST. FASHION ENPORIUN o Importers and Manufacturers of Ladies’, Misses’ & Chil- drens’ Cloaks, Suits, And Costumes, Furs, Underwear, Jer- seys, Corsets, etc. MOURNING GOODS A SPECIALTY. In Connection with a First Class Dressmaking Establishment, Re-dyeing, Repuiring and Re-making of Sealskins and Fur Garments. 1618 and 1620 Farnam 81 LEAKY ROOFING TIN OR IRON, REPAIRED And palnted and guaranteed tight for num) of years. Paints * never lister, GRAV FING manufactured and vepaired, —Fir roof Paint upplied to shingles, Fifteen yews' Sgperience. o H CURRAN & SON, 8L §, Witk St., Between Arbor sud Viaton, THE OMAHA DAILY BEE: SOME TALES ABOUT- WOMEN, An Old Fashioned Girl—Beautiful and Good Women. FOUR WASHINGTON LADIES. Theodore Tilton's Daughter— Mrs. Storey—One Thing a Woman Won't Growl About — Alice Longfellow. An O1d-Fashioned Girl. October Century. 0Old-fashioned! Yes, 1 must confess The antique pattern of her dress The ancient frills and furbelows, The faded ribbons and the bows. Why she should show those shrunken charms That wrinkled neck, those tawny arms, 1 can not guess: her russett gown Round her spare form hangs loosely down Her voice is thin and cracked; her eye And smile have lost their witchery. By those faint jests, that flagging wit, By each attenuated cnrl, She surely is, I must admit, An odd old-fashioned girl. "Pis long since she had a beau, And now with those who sit a-row ‘Along the wall she takes her place, With something of the old-time grace, She yearns to join the mazy waltz, And 'slyly sniffs her smelling salts, Ah, many an angel in disguise May walk before our.human eyes! ‘Where’er the fever-smitten lie In grimy haunts of poverty, Along the dark and squalid street, Mid drunken jests of boor and churl, She gocs with swift and pittying feet— This same old-fashioned girl. Beautiful and Good Women. From All the Year Round: Some one has classified women under two head- ings—the beautiful and the good. The distinction may be too absolute, but it is certain that the wise man would rather admire than marry a beautiful woman. And it is no less certain that many men who have married women remarkable for their devotion have with sorrow seen an extraordinary change in their wives soon after marriage In such a case the woman may not scruple to ex- plain this chage as due to the novel and jurring circumstances of married life. Bui she will not be saved by such sophis- try. The father of the Jesuits knew all about it when he made it a rule of his life “that familiarity wi'h all women ought to be avoided, even with the most devout; that the most innocent com- merce with them, if it would not our conscience, ie. s some stain u{mn our reputation, and the smoke blackens, though the fire does not buin us.” It has been said that the beautiful woman is a book containing only a single page, which may be read at a glance; whereas the woman who is both beauti- ful and good is a book of many pages, proper perusal of which exacts a life- time. It may be so; bub why is it that the women of the latter uncommon type always survive their husbands or series of husbands? Enough, however. Tt will be suffi- ciently evident from these few pages that women have always been estoemed as an amiable blunder, and are likely to be the cause of incredibly bitter blun- dering in the future. While there is time, let us entreat their leaders to look whither they are going. To the men of this generation, happily, it matters but little. For ‘When all is thought and said, The heart still overrules the head ; Still what we hope we must believe, ‘And what is given us receive. We are thus assured of a measure of domestic happiness in our lives. But, oh ye stern maidens, to whom your fair sisters look for guidance and instruction, we beseech you to have mercy on the men of the future. Prominent Washington Ladies. Philadelphia Times: Since the death of Mrs. Bayard and her daughter Kath- erine, Miss Anne or Nannie Bayard,the third daughter of the secretary, has presided over her father’s houschold. She is a young lady of many attractions, and will be an ornament to the social world of the coming season in which the rank of her father will give her dence over all other unmarried of the cabinet. ary Fairchild has just taken ossession of his new $50,000 residence in the West End. Mrs. Fairchild has not yet returned, as she is giving her attention to the selection of furnishings for the new domicile. Mrs. Whitney, after her summer sojourn at Lenox and Bar rhor, will return during the present month and reopen her Wash ington house for a“ brief introducto scason of mild gayeties, which will aid in filling up the gap between the return of the fashionables and the regular scason, beginning with the opening day of the year, Mrs. Lamont, who passed her summer with her parents in Courtland, county, New York, will return there with her children to pass the time during the absence of her husband with the presi- dent on his western journey. She is a daughter of a_well known farmer of central New York,and in social sur- roundings had no other experience than the rustic training of a rural maiden und a brief residence at Albany she came here. She has since ted Miss Cleveland in doing the honors of the executive mansion before the Jm- dent’s marriage, and in her own drawing rooms she presides with a degree of grace und dignity which has placed herin the front rank of enter- taining ladies of the capital. A domestic event in the household of the representative of the kingdom of the Scandinavian peninsula, in_the na- ture of a little stranger. will add to the interest of this ant household. Madame de Reuterskiold is one of the most attractive in person, affable in manner and popularin social life among the ladies of the diplomatic cirele. She was godmother to Dorothy Paine Whit- ney at the christening of last spring. Tt is not improbable that the compliments of the season may be returned by a sim- ilar sacramental representation on the part of Mrs. Whitney. Mlle. Reuter- shiold will be I'enfant du Corps Diplo- matique of the coming season. Theodore Tilton's Daughter. Chicago Tribune: There is living in this city one very interesting lady, who is cosmopolitan~ in her experiences, very intellectnal and artistic in her tastes, and who would be an addition to any eircle, literary or social, but who really cultivates but few friends and is little known. This is Mrs. Gardin, the ighter of Theodoie Tilten. Such leis- ure time as she has she spends in paint- ing, which she studied for a number of s 1n Germany and Italy. Flowers her favorite subjects, and she paints these with the sentiment of a wom and the cleverness of a true artist. Her life is a busy one, filled with minor household = cares and the training of her two children. She is childish in stature, with a mass of gir ish black curls hanging down her back, generally kuotted together with a fresh ribbon. Her eyes are large and expres- sive, and light up her small fece In a manuer peculiar to her very dark eyes. She is to be seen often about the picture shops and studios, generally leading herlittle daughter by the hand. Her home is a modest one in some respects, but it is exceedingly interesting and absolutely uniguq, 'Tnb\g_s righ wi_t!x Venetian carving, stand on the ingrain carpets. A few p‘ctul'os from the hands of masters decorate the s)ln'm\y p«t)ercd walls; between the swaying of the simple muslin curtains are vases of antique mcelnin. and in the unpretentious k cases are volumes of rare and quaint bindings. An atmosphere of scholarliness elevates the whole into something better than luxury. Cost of Fashionable Daughters. New York Mail: “I have launched three daughters in twelve years,” said a well known man the other day. “‘The first averaged $2,000 for three seasons till she married. The second cost me $6,000 a year for two years. Number three required 815,000 a year to keep her in gowns, and now my wife and I've got to put 85,000 more on that to see number four, whois just coming out well started. There is one comfort, however. It is harder on their hus- bands than it is on me. A young girl can’t dress like a married belle does, and I suppose my second daughter is spending something like $30,000 now.” Mra. Storey. Mrs. Wilbur F. Storey,on being asked if there were any truth in the reports that the Chicago Times is to be sold, answered: ‘‘There have been tenders made to me for the property, but they were altogether under its value. I was offered $350,000, but promptly refused it. It looks now as if my enemies had decided to blackmail me by endeavor- ing to depreciate the property in order to induce me tosell. I propose, how- ever, to get the paper if there is_any law left, and to run it for a time. Hav- ing done that I probably would be will- ing to sell for a }ulr price.” Mrs. Storey has been invited to furnish a portrait of her husband for the house of represen- tatives at Washington, and will paint it herself. Study and Health. Mlle. Lucie Hall, doctor at Vassar college, on going into the question of hygienic influence of hard study on women, with regard to the remarkable diminution of large families in Ameri- ca, has come to the following conclu- sions, which deserve to be examined: One hundred and seventy-six families proved on examination to have only an average of from three to four children. Now, out of those families those who had. the largest number of children were found to have highly educated mothers, not to say educated above the average. Dr. Hall’'s experience has proved to her that the health of the young people is particularly good, and even improves as the studies increase. he cites the following words of M om, director of the Wisconsin Uni- versity: *“The health of our young peo- ple in no wise diminishes whilst with us; on the contrary, I have long since noticed that & young lady who gives up society and takes up reasonably witl study at the university is in far’ better condition, as far as her health is con- cerned, than the majority of her sex.” One Thing Sac San Francisco Chronicle: A woman will growl about anything in a theater, except one thing. Shelll complain about the seats; she'll have something to say about the restless man in front of her, the talkative people behind her, {6 natrowioss ol tho owey o bainess of the gas, but she never says a word about the Woman’s tall hat in front of her. She'll bob serenely up and down and right and left, and_¢rane over and under to see the stuge, but she will not object. Why? Because she’s very likely got one on herself. That should not prevent her from speaking out, be- cause very often we complain of the very thing in others we do ourselves, I ms s we always do. But there's some- thing sacred about the fashion for & woman. The fashion covers a multitude of sins against taste. It does not matter how ugly a dress may be on a woman; if she’s in the fashion she’s all right. You cannot scare a woman out of a high hat. Ridicule, supplication, insinuation,all have failed. The papers have tried it all sorts of ways. They have even led women ugly who wear them. They don’t mind. It's no use calling women ugly, anyway. They don't believe they ou can’t get them to believe it. y sometimes they are themselves, They don’t ieve it. You cannot knock out of a man con pusness that she is attraos ve. They cannot believe that what is tly fashionable s unbecom- is imposiible. The ing. It high hat has knocked the life out of the matinee, though. That's where the woman get the full benefit of its incon- venience. And if woman could go to the theater at night alone the theater business would go to pieces, for neither men nor women would goand sit behind the high hat. But what are you going to doubout it? It’s the one kind of thing about which a woman will not be dictated to by a man. Girls Becoming S uperior to Boys. American Magazine for October: The uperintendent of se hools in Cleveland, 0., (perhaps the model school city of the second class in America), two years ago reported, on the part of the boys in the high school, a loss of 10.6 per cent. from the ratio as it stood ten years before. The superintendent at St. Jo- seph, Mo., whose own proportion of boy- graduates stood sixth highest in a list of thirty schools that he tabulated, say “The young men of the country will'h compelled in self defense to prolong their time of study at school or college, or else submit, to'a continual reminder of their inferiority in scholarship to the young ladies with whom they mingle in the social circle.” ‘Women in Drug Stores. Binghampton Democrat: *“Why ave women never employed in drug stores?” was asked of a druggist last wee Be- cause they find it too difficult to keep a secret,” replied the compounder of drugs and medicines. **A Pharmac comes a regular confessional. Here it is that we learn who paints, who powders, who is addicted to the opinm habit, and whose house is infested with vermin, Then, again, we learn all about people’s bodily afflictions and weaknesses. Of all abominations, a loose-tongued go: about a drug store is the worst, and general impression is that a wo talk no matter what is at stake.” he an will Occupations For Women. New York Teleeram: I have lately heard of several useful occupations tuken up by English ladies. Fo mple, the making of jewelry, and different articles in gold ‘and silver. Original and artistic designs are in this way made and carried out by a young Eng- lish girl of my acquaintance, who is at present engaged in the more difficult task of stone-setting. Skill can easil be attained by any one who has a facu ty for using ti hands, although it takes time, patience and practice to ar- vive at very great results. A good dia- mond_setter constantly at work can earn $3,000 to $4,000 a year. Then again there is a bookbinding, marquetry and photography, which 1s all quite fit for the ladies to busy themselves with., The latter, perhaps, demands a lesser extent of intellect und dexterity of the fingers, but it requires artistic taste and a cer- tain amount of stud, Woman as a Diner, New York Sunt “Who are the best companiong at a dinner?” ‘yrowen are almost invariably good SUNDAY, OCTOBER 23, 1887.—~TWELVE PAGES. White House of Omaha, company, but you should remember never to waste a good dinner on a woman. They have absolutely no idea of the delicacies and beauties of a thoronghly balanced dinner, and the younger they are the less able are they to appreciate the work of an accom- plished chef. There is scarcely a woman in New York who would not rather pnt on a new gown and eat a wretched dinner amid the splender of Delmonico’s or the Brunswick than eat a capital dinner at a_lowly restaurant. A man, on the other hand, had rather eat a good dinner ima hovel than a bad one in a palace. What the women like is lots of tinsel, gold, cut glass, colored lights, gorgeous laces, graceful cham- pagne glasses, and strains of music. Give them these things and they don't care a rap for the rest.” A Beggar With a Competence. The Epoch: Near Central park there lives a woman who occupies a comfort- able apartment and seems to possess a compotence. Sho ¥ised Inte and has Her breakfasts sent daily from a neighbor- ing cafe. To the waiter she is liberal, tipping him frequently. ot long ago this wditer, when pas- sing along Third avenue was accosted by a beggar woman. She was wretch- edly dressed, repulsively ugly, and squalid. The waiter gave her a muti- lated coin and the beggar thanked him volubly. The next day the waiter received the same mutilated coin from the woman to whom he had carried breakfast. He was astounded. He could not believe that the woman who tipped in so regal a manner and the wretched beggar of the avenue were one and the same per- son. He concluded to experiment. ing acoin, he took a position on the avenue. Soon the same woman that had begged from him the night before asked him for alms. He gave her the marked piece of money. Two days afterward he received it from the woman of the apartment when she paid for her \)l"i' kfast. He then Mark- accused her of mendicancy. She dis- covering that she wag cleverly caught, laughed and said: “§Ve both ‘take tips, you and 1.” 1 The waiter relishdd the joke, He continues to serye hap. She continues 10 tip him and to pre§ upon the public. Alice Longfellow. Boston Herald: Mjss Alice M. Long- fellow has been chosgh a member of the Cambridge school cofmittee. She isa daughter of the gre# poet. She has recently been largelglinterested in edu- cational matiers in the University City, and has devoted a ‘great deal of her time toward the tablishment and caraying on of indusfrial and kinder- arten schools. Shelfs n graduate of a lemale college and rapked very high in her class. As an example of her stand- ing in educational matters, it may be stated that she is onepf the trustees the Harvard annex. | The election of Miss Longfellow will place two ladies on the school board. A Smart Little Excelsior, (Ga.,) E min Atwood, of this 3 daughter twelve year§old, who is guite an exception. She h@s just completed a quilt which containg 2 iTU pieces. She e el W 3 by e well as extensive kno hold dutie he firsf cotton this season pounds, sea island, wi double her weight. HONEY FOR' LADIES, corgia Girl. le: Mr. Benja- unty, hias a little ledge of house- day she picked he *gathered 111 fich is more than —3 Velvet is still the fabrit: for dressy hats. There are 97,000 widows in Massachusetts. Silver jewelry is becoming very fashion- able. k Bodices laced at the! back are again in vogue. Paris women are againl wearing the hair ma «d on the back of the head. The census of Eng] 0 ales records 7 None but street suits_and walking dresses are made with coat sleeves this fall. i recaption gowns have ¢ richly decorated. iray in every shade is considered in Paris just now the most stylish of all colors. Emeralds are sought after more and more every day. the finer grade being very scarce. Young matrons have re-adopted fanciful brealfast caps for home wear in the morn- ing. There are 10,000 milliners in N Brooklyn, or about one benne fifty women. ~The woman with ‘“the| very best husband in the world” is always 'sure he might be a deal better if he only would. On invitation cards the initials R. S. V. P. have been superscded by the plain English, 'w York and maker to every “An answer is ds A pretty innov one of Russian leath crocodile skin, in which is inserted a very small watch A present style consists in wearing four gold wire rings on thesame finger, each being sct with a single small stone, as a sapphire, emerald and ruby. A Wisconsin_woman recently delivered a lecture on “Fifty Years of Progr Woman,” but sho mentioned o now Way of darning stocking Buttons are cousidercd_out the costumes of the period. turers are mourning, but makers are rejoicing, e card-cases is of fashion on Their manufac- hook and eye aimed ; and daughters with thi apiece on their heads.” Mrs. Walker is the most successful farmer i rgia. She owns and munages severa thousand acres of land, which this year will vield her a profit of §20,000. “Three hundred thousand copies would be a small figure for the number of pictures of Mrs. Cleveland sold_since the announcement of her betrothal to the president. The Michigan maiden who chased a robber with a pitchfork and made him drop his Lis said o be receiving an average of s of marriage per week, Astrakhan fur, so much or of a century ago, is *, but it has been rechristened Natty lit inglish coats and Hungarian jackets will be worn extensively with tailor- made suits, They are trimmed with gimps in scroll, wheel and arabesque patterns, and Vi ylish and serviceable. s and birds, notwithstanding all the protests from delicate minded people, both here and abroad, against this barb: style of socalled ornament, are the trimmings mostly used on winter hats and bonnets, An orchestra of women, who are all players of brass instruments, is making a sensation in Dresden. The ladies have an o for Vienna next winter, where the play at a series of ballsamong tk The Woman's Relief corps has a dissension as to membership, O holds that any patriotic woman may become @ moember, while the other pa declares that only those related to war veterans are eligible, Jackets are still very popular, especially those which just fasten at the throat and then open broadly, revealing a trim-fitting vest that is elaborately decorated with bead- ing, embroidery or silk cord ornaments in applique. A new sash of ribbon, about four inches wide, which is first qu;s«nl tightly around use of 2 party the waist to the back, then brought forward again and tied in long loops and ends on the left in front, Rveut five waist line, Joliet has a club composed of persons of both sexes, The club rooms are elegantly fitted up and provided with a billiard table and other means of amusement. The lady members all carry both ¢lub-room keys and night keys, Suede gloves will not go out altogether, be- cause they are peculiarly becoming to the hand, fitting better than any other kind, and of such good coloring, Erench kid, " how inches below the ver, TUFT'S SODA FOUNTAINS AND WHITE SEWING MACHINES, Not a Break in Their Success. The New White is Almost Perfection. More Premiums this Fall at Nebraska Fairs than all other Machines Combined. Without reference to any particular feature, but upon the broad claim of superiority as a general family Sewing Machine, adapted to all peo- ple and to all classes of work. The manufacturers placed the WHITE upon the market ten years ago. Over 600,000 WHITE MACHINES now bless an equal number of homes. Easy to learn, easy to operate, easy to sell, fast motion, wide feed, self threading, cylinder shuttle, antomatic bobbin winder; a ma- chine that runs light and quiet, and will last a lifetime. opened August 8th, 1879, and we point with great pride to the White record in Omaha, and the western territory controlled by it. and needles, shuttles, etc.,, for all machines. for terms to Catalogue Free. wanted. This office was Supplies Do not wait but write THE THORNTON MACHINE CO., 121 North 15th Street. P.8. Also Agency for Tuft’s Soda Water Apparatus. Reliable agents which is much more durable, is more gen- erally worn, An apparent surplus at evening entertain- ments 18 reckoned among the vulgar things of gocial life, The time has gone by when peo- ple stuff their guests. No dish is filled and implicity of menu and service is the charm ant hospitality. A chief feature of many of the autumn mantles is the peplum fronts, falling straight and square or gathered at the ends, and fin- ished with a beaded ornament. The majority of these wraps, however, are short on the sides and at the back, Miss Mary Linskey leaped into the river at Detroit last Monday and rescued a drowning child. A dozen men stood on the wharf and witnessed the brave act and then sank away before the heroic woman was assisted to the shore by the captain of a tug. Bustles are becoming very narrow. One small cushion, fastened on the inside of the dress with a single spring, is sufticient for h ngs are all that are required for tall figures. Tournure skirts are only needed for wear under train dre sses. Pretty antique watches are worn by ladies, To the of the watch is a cluster knot of black moire ribbon is tied, and the timepiece is thus thrust into the corsage, leaving onl the ribbon disclosed as a sort of dress decor: tion. This allows one to wear a watch on all occasions. Few women can appropriately wear the Thair fn Greek style. To begin with,the locks should be very abundant; secondly, the feat- ures should bé_classic in outline; and lastly, the should be beautiful, or at least at- trac e enough 1o bear the testof this severe style of coiffure, A new style of pocket handkerchiefs i elegantithough simple; they are of white cambric with the edge ‘scolloped out and em- broidered in button-hole stitch with colored cotton; in one of the corners, close to the edge, there is a square of colored cotton of the color of the edging, on which the initials are embroidered in white, The combination undergarment known as the union suit has grown in general favor until many women who would laugh at the idea of dress reform and disclaim any con- victions relative to the necessity for change in general attire year after year Smn-hums and wear some form of union flannels or silk garments in place of the vest and drawers. Fashions in winter colors aredeciding their tints, and the great favorite is to be dark moss green trimmed with black. Black braiding is placed either around the extreme edge of jupe or in panels at each side point- ing up toward the waist. Of course, the black moire vest is worn as usual. Combina- tion kid boots with green cloth tops, a lighter shade of green stockings. There uppears to be an unusual demand for silk-faced velveteen, This fabric is made up very frequently of blocked, striped, or checked surah in gay Roman colors, It is also intermixed with corded silk in the dvaperies of the skirt, Plain untrimmed skirts of dark green, goiden brown, or terra- cotta velveteen are worn polonaise designs, hair and beneath Russian of tweed, Irish blarneys in block olushire suitings and camels’ rgo fabrics in monochrome. There is a society of young ladies in Cres- ton, Tn., knownas the “S. N.E.” which letters stand: for “Speak No " The cardinal prineiple of the organization is to discourage the practice of speaking evil words of others, and each member is fined 1 cent for each and every offense. There are twelve members, and at tho last regular meeting the fines amounted to 31, Already “what to do with the surplus” is the absorbing topic, and the members are fast becoming converted to the belief that cing the necessaries of life is wrong in principle. The new fur is the Monflon, an cxcellent ta gray fur. Itis brighter and far more silky than the imitation gray_fox sold last_year, and lasts better than real blue fox, which is costly and will stand but little wear and tear. Monfion is made into boas and _plastrons, for the fur plastrons are newer and more becom- ing than capes. The plastron forms a large collarin the back, and in front it tapers to the waist, The blue opossum is much used alsa v of hoas touch the feet, Mufls show s, and are made to contain purses and bags, as of yore —— EDUCATIO! AL The Persian language is unive aught at Cornell At the examinations for the new fellow- &hips in Princeton college the number of ap plicants were not large, There are more students from farmers' nilies in the Ann Arbor university than m those of any other oc sor Royce, whos is logic aphysics, is considered the most pro- found thinker at Harvard college. No one has been elected to succeed I Bardour as college pastor at®ale, and Presi- 1t Dwight will have charge of the religious es for the year, Mr. Charles §. Johnson, of New York, and Mr v Lockwood, of 'Batavia, 1L, wWere the successful_competitors for the Sloan scholarships ut Ruteer college this year. An entire class of eighteen law students passed a successful examination at Sl Dregon, Tes | o bar. Mi ed, a student, passed quite as creditably as the young men. Prof. F. A. March, of Lafayette coll Prof. Thomas Chase, ex-pre ford college, Rev " Wark, Arthur Biddle and § of Philadelphia, have been appointed by Governor Bea of Philadelphia, as the “spelling” commision, in pursuance of a legis- lative resolution to *“‘cousider the propriéty of adopting a correct orthography for the pub- lic documents to be printed,” and how far such amended orthography inay with pro- priety be adopted.” ! There has been much avxiety in Balti- more to ascertain the effect upon John Hop- kins university of the passing of the Balti- more & Ohio dividend. A g un - con- nected with the university sa “The uni- versity has large investments in other securi- ties than the Baltimore & Ohio stock. The Johns Hopkins university has about $2,500,- 000 invested in other securitics, and the rest of the funds in 15,000 shares of Baltimore & Obio stock. The loss of the dividend will not interfere with the working of the uni- versity, as the trustees have not spent the whole income ¢ach year, aud consequently Lave a good surplus,’ B b ser 1o t! se, yland, James W. amuel A Hoyle, Iy THE?UNNQAN'S DOMAIN, | Double Barrelled Wooing—Too Sa- cred for Intrusion. - The Umpire's Winter Companion— Brother Smith Rebuked—The Towa Way—Bits of Fun. Double-Barreled Wooing. D Chicago Tribune. “Will you Le mine{” said the ardent youth; “No, no," the maiden_said, As she looked at him with a mocking smile ©And pertly tossed her head. He slipped on her finger a sparkling ring And drow her to his side; “T'wo nocs mean yes, you saucy minx,” Exultingly he cried. He held her fast; he watched her frown— Then pout—then blush and stammer; The dear girl could'nt stand a sicge Of love and English grammar. Too Sacred for Intrusion. ew York Sun: ‘It can never be, George,” she said—and her voice sounded far aws ““all is over; we must part and part forever,” And George sat in the darkening twi- light, with bowed head and clenched hands, watching the colors of his life grow cold and gray. “Is all over, indeed, between us, Clara?” he said, brokenly. ‘“No more warmhandelasps,nomore lovelit glances, no more stolen kisses, sweeter than nec- tar, no——" “No, George, nover more.” ‘‘No more moonlight strolls,” he went on, groping wildly for his hat, “or ten- der communion beneath stary skies; no more tutti-frutti at Delmonico’s; no more—-"" “Oh, George, dear,” broke in the girl, with a convulsive sob—and now her warm, sweet breath was tickling his ear—*‘T cannot bear to see you thus cast down. Let me unsay those dreadful words. Let me 1) But, gentle reader, we must withdraw from this sacred scene. Naturo and Art. Nature made the model man With perfect form, though nude; The tailor dressed the fellow up, The man was then a dude. The Old Kind Good Enough. “Do_you believe n corporal punish- ment?” asked an Arkansas school board of an applicant for a position as teacher of a rural school ?” “Do 1 b'lieve in what?” (g vuv&)m‘ul punishment,” “No, I don’t, wus the reply. “I don’t bllieve in none o’ these fancy new kind o' ]lnmishnmnts. Gimme a keen willer gad, or a good limber hick'ry club, an’ you can go to grass with yeur corp’ral tind o' punishments.” ;s The Old Story. Now in the parlor meet the pair, When golden day is done, Two forms with but one rocking chair, Two hearts that beat as one. The Right Man for the Place. “Can you give me a position as um- pire?” “Have you any of the qualifications for any umpire?” “Wall, yes; for twenty years I fol- lowed, the occupation of horse thief in the west, and I candidly believe that T escaped from as many as forty mobs in that time. I flatter myself that I can get away from a lot of angry men as quick as any man in the state. Of course we can give you a job; why didn’t you say that you had had exper- ience?” The Umpire's Winter Companion. Washington Critic: “Want to sell that mule?” asked a quiet-looking man on the sidewalk. *Yes, but I'll be honest with you, mis- ter. Tdon’t think you'll want him; he’s an awful kicker.” “Is he a full-jeweled, thorough going, first-class kicker?” You bet.” “Well, name your figure; him.” “Great Scott, mister, what doyou want of him?” “Company. I'm a base ball umpire and I don’t want to feel lonesome this winter. I'll take Proy. The iceman smiles as he counts the ghius Derived from the trade of summer, And as he walks the strect disdains The greeting of the plumber. He feels his oats; well, let him smile, This thing will be adjusted. He'll make a hole in the iceman's pile When the water pipes are “busted.” Brother Pickles Smith Rebuked Detroit Free Press: Pickles Smii had been wiping off his chin and wai ing foran opportunity to deliver a gres speech, and the opening now presented was seized upon to state that a manu- fucturer of stomach bitters had offered him $7 forthe privilege of making a new brand. “The Only Genuine Pick- les Smith Tonic,” Before returning a decided answer he had thought best to bring the matter before the club, “Bradder Smith,” said the president, as hesoftly scratched the back of his head, “I have no doubt dat you could take dat $7 and make good use of it, but you will neber sece de cash. Sir Isaac Walpole has been offe; $20 for de use of his ngme on a patent rat trap. Give- dum Jon 0 father a new -brand of stove blacking. could ownamule if hewould | Trustee Pullback has been offered a new suit of clothes to put his name on a hafr dye label. an’ I reckon dat mos’ all of ug could sell out for more or less. Butl has put my fut right down on all such nonsense. If manufacturers want help to palm off deir wares an’ compounds on an inercent publiclet 'em go to mem- bers of congress, mayors of cities, guv’- nors of states wid a pen in one han’ an’ a ten dollar billin de oder. We mus’ maintain our honor an’ integrity or de ]mr('ut'dings of dis club will sink to dq) evel of a session of congress.” 3 Mary's Little Lot. Mary had a little lot And thought she'd better sellj She placed it on the market, And the way that lot did—well, 1t s0ld six times within a week, And every time it went The lucky man who bought it Cleared 99 per cent. The Only Way to Eat Corn. Imira Gazette: “What is the best way of eating corn on the cob?” asked a young married woman of her husband, at dinner the other day. “Don’t know,” was" the gruff reply, “never tried to eat corn on a cob; l\{ ways eat it off.” \ The Blizzard and the Fox. A fox who was crossing the fields ong day encountered a buzzard, who not only jeered and insulted him, but actually dared him to combat. A peasant who eame upon the scene expressed his' surprise that the fox xhnul({ submit tq such conduct, but the latter replied: “‘An enemy not worth burying is not worth kiliing.” Moral: remain unthumped. She Objected. I l'll\n{md her little hand in mine, Embraced her beauteous form? I vowed I'd shield her from the wind And from the world's cold storm, ely eyes on me. id wildly flow, little lips she said “Confovnd you, let me go i The Towa Way. “T found the funniest thing down at Mason City the other day,” remarked a Minneapolis man who had just re- turned from Towa. ““It wasin the St. Charles hotel. Next to the little shelf where they place the drinking cup, which is attached to the ice-cooler, is a little card. On it is printed Please do not use the cup e your medicine. The clork? will furnish one on application o the oftice. ‘‘See how things are worked in a pro- hibition town?” A Study in Natural Fae Student—Have you everseen a string- halt? Professor—Yes, and I have also seen a rope-walk. S.—Why do they put sleepers down on a railroad track? —1 suppose to fill up the roadbed. S8.—Do you think inanimate things possess felings? P.—Y steel has a different temper, seen a cross-barr and a mad< and I hav stone. S.—There is a language of flowers; is there one for vegetables? P.—Probably, Beanstalk. S.—What musical instrument should a shoemaker play? P.—A shoe-horn. S.—And a gas-fitter? P.—A tuba. S.—And a mathematician? P.—The triangle and cymbals, S.—And a love P.—A mouth-organ. S.—And an osteologist? P..—The bones. S.—And a dancer? P.—Alto. You might go on and say & snake-charmer should play the serpent; a villian the double-bass; a smoker the pipe-organ; a poet the euphonium; & grocer the piccolo; and a pugilist the musical-box. P.—What would you call ‘a stormy look-out?” P,—I suppose the “wind’s eye.” S.—What songs do brigands sing? P.—DBan-dittis S.—Where can I see the best ‘‘bares back act?” P.—At the opera. S.—Who nu;,"xt to wear a wardrobe? —A hospital nurse, —What is a “‘shooting-sta P.—BufTalo Bill. —Why do they say “as jolly as & sand boy?” 99 sand boy wouldn't be o shingled, 8t is g P.—Something frour one. S ve you seen a house moving? P.—Yes; but not as quickly as a home run. I have also seen a mill race S.—Did you ever see a rail-fence P.—Yes; and 1 have seen a trefofl, and a match-box, and a ship-spar, and 4 street-ficht, S.—What is a “coigne of ’vantage?” P.—A Bland dollar; the **’vantage’ is the government’s. —What dress should a vaulter wear? P.—A spring overcoat. What is the difference between & billiard player and an actor? P.—The one picks up his cue to mal i; the other to save & bregk ank?” to be turngd away That’s why so many loaferg