Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, July 31, 1887, Page 13

| | ) | ) 4 - SOME SUMMER PLEASANTRIES A Friend to Humanity Who Vows to “Bwat'em.” ENGLISH AS SHE I8 SPELLED. On Top of the Peak—The Villain Still Pursues Her—He didn't Buy— His Narrow Escape—Strango Oo-Incidence. r'd Swat* 'Em St. Paul Globe, ve & list of fellows in my mind, hose acts arouse my Ire. And I’d swat 'em, you can bet, 1'd swat ‘em you can bet, 1 lmldn"l dolcho job myself, some other L re, Toswat 'em all, you bet, to swat 'em all, you There’s the man who claims, when he gets ft, the weather will be cold, And the dude, the luaies pet, 1'd swat hum, you can bet. And the drummer and the screecher of the Gufn Army fold, 1'd swat ’em, too, you bet, 1'd swat ’em, too, ou And Ju “bete noir’, of the Irish cause, the narrow-minded tory, And the idiot so easily reminded of a story, And the men or women, either, whom the festive gum doth chew, And the nuisance who enquires, “Is it hot enough for you?”’ And the man ‘at party, ball or hop, who dances every set, T'd swat him, you can bet,I'd swat him, don’t you fret. ‘here’s “Citizen” and ‘“Veritas” and “Jus- tice” and the mnI ‘Whose names you've often met, I'd swat ’em, you can bet. All agents, book and lightning rod too, every 0me & pest, I'd awat’em, you can bet, I'd swat 'em “'sans’” And the man who thinks that every club is “oot t his own team. And the organ crank who mars, each day, the nunllant of your dream. And the crowd who always manage at a show, to come in late. And that singular anomaly, the walking del- egate. All people who on slight pretexts find fault and fume and fret. rd nwnt'%:en you can bet, I'd swat ’em hard, ou 1‘ht-ro’n the drummer who, when selling goods. puts on a big per cent, And says he sells them net, 1'd swat him, ;lau can bet. And the landlord who, 1n Erin’s isle, extorts ‘excessive ren I'd swat him, you can bet, I'd swat him you can bet. And the man who tries to turn each word you say into & pun. And ‘the clergyn who ventures, “one ‘word more and I'm done,” All people who enjoy (?) themselves each summer at the lakes, ‘The while w.e km}w me);u vkenered with musquitoes, bugs and snakes, All these and many others 1 could meet ‘without regret, And swat 'om you can bet, and lw;} ’o,m l{on can bet. L J. D, *Swat—A knock-out blow delivered on the Jugular. S A Hard Set-Baock. Detroit Free Press: There were a half dozen of us sitting around the depot at Verbenn, Ala,, when an old darky, evi- dently just in from the plantation after 'baccy or groceries, hove in sight. “‘Now, boys," said the colonel as we all remarked theold man, ‘‘you keep still and I'll scare the old nigger out of a yoar's growth, With that he called to Sambo and the old man came up, doffed his hat and asked what was wanted. *1'm General D. Erastus Longfellow, and have been sent down here by the United States government to look up the marriage certificates of colored people. Have you got yours with you?" *N-no, sah." “You havn't! Then it is at the house?” “N-no, sah."” ““What! Have you no marriage ocer- tificate to show?"’ “Deed I haven’t, sah.” **Then sir, let me inform you that the venalty is five years in state prison! Did you lose your certificute?” ‘‘Reckon not, sah. *“‘Never had one?" “Nebber."" “Great snakes! but it will gzo hard with ou, Uncle Moses! 1 hate to tear you rom your family and send you to prison for the rest of your days, but duty must be obeyed. No certiticate of marringe, never had one, and 1 doi't suppose you can remember who married you?" ::Enbnah. Ican't.” luribus Unum! But won't you oatch it! Where and when were you married?’ “Nowhar, sah! Nebber got mar'd "tall. Allus dun bin what you white folks call an old bach—haw! haw! haw!" English as She is Spelled. 0, SHIOUX. You have heard of the city of Sioux, The loveliest ever you knloux; nd the following tale, am sure, can not fail ‘To be read with emotion by yloux. 'T'o this bustling young city of Sioux, Came a selon of Alblon trioux: When the name was pronounced, ll‘l his learning he tlounced, And st once In a passion he flioux. **Now, tell me, O people of Sioux!” He shouted, “‘what can a man dioux? As 'tis spelled, so we say it, ‘And that Is the way it Should be!” And he blustered and blioux, And all through the city of Sioux, ‘That man raised & hullubullioux. With madness enraged, Like a tiger uncaged, And rell upon Gentile and Jioux, And as over the clty of Sioux He rushed, still the madder he grioux, “L11L he fell in a fit, And his soul promptly it Left his body—sans further adieux. Then the coroner’s jury of Sioux Their verdict most solemnly drioux, **By disease of the heart Victim’s life d1d depart.” You have heard the sad tale; 1 am thrioux, On Top of the Peak. Denver Republican: The signal ser- vice man on top of Pike’s Peak keeps the following 1n sight of all visitors: No, it does not get lonesome up here. We wish to heaven it would during the tenderfoot season. The large stove in the center of the room was packed up on the backs of burros. Some days you can see Denver and some days you can't. This is one of the days you can't. Sometimes the wind has blown at the rate of 182 miles an hour, and sometimes it don't blow at all. 3 The temperature in winter is generaliy 40 deg. below zero. 1f you happen to live in Dakota or Minnesota don't make disparaging remarks, as if that were very sultry weather. 1f you have ever been on Mount Wash- ington don't tell any big stories aboutat, as we bave been there, ‘This is the meridian time of the seven- ty-fifth meridian, and it is twe hours fuster than local ime. Of course it suits us, and you are re- quested not tw exclaim in tones of amaze- ment. Is this clock right? You are at least the 14,821st parson to ask the question, An old tashioned Colt over the register has the following warning under it ““This is for the person who writes al- leged poetry; or makes other bad breaks onl;ha re; hwl;;"d PO & you have had friends u [ time since the battle of Bunker Hll{. please inquire for them. Of course we shall remember them perfeotly. The Villain Stitl Pursues, Detroit Free Press: ook here, sir," be said at the chief clerk’s window in the ostoftic, *“I've been trying for |'Ilfl" an ur to unlock my postoflice box. *Yes, I know it." “But the key won't fit," “Of course it won't.- No wan's frout- here door will unlock his "Ohh;u. 1 see. ? none of the shortcomings of the postoftice :;:n:mml on this account—not a single Said the Ball to the Bug. Chic1go Matl At eve the bestle boomoth Athwart the wheat field lone; At noon the black nmummnth. Feeding on stalks half grown ; At night the chinch bug cometh, And then the fariners groan, Bul: mm than the lute string beetle’s note, Ard lllmt"t than the lark’s trill ‘The hum in that fly's throat ‘While on the bluuu{uhlnah bug The glad bulls tairly dote. Boom on, oh, hungry beetl And scoreh, oh, parching heat; And feed, ob, ravenous biack fly, AnY:“l:tmv:;‘u:'."mry &la::fl bug, To ive us dollar wheat. . He Didn't Buy, An Austin masher had just made the acquantance of o very stylishly dressed zounu lady, and was promenading with er around the depot before the train went out. A littlo street Arab along with flowers to sell, and said: “Please sir, will you buy a few of my winter roses?"’ The masher turned to the young lad and asked: “Will you accept a smal bouquet of these pretty flowers?'’ Before she could reply, the Arab up and said: *‘Ah, yes, she will, I can tell you. She's my sister, and don’t dare to spoil the sale of flowers to a dude.” He never bought. She Thacht Nacht. Somerville Journal, He sa1d as he sat in his yacht, To the girl whom he called “little tacht,” “Come and sit in my boat And away we will floal *No, thank you,” she said, “it's too hacht.” Strange Coincidence. She was in the habit of reading the “want” column in The Gazette, and he was in the habit of holding on to her waist to steady her. "‘é)h what a strange coincidence,” she sald, *What 18 it?" he asked. “Why, this advertisement says, ‘Wan- ted, a partnership. No reasonable offer will be considered unfavorable.’ what is there in that?” he “*Oh, nothing; only that an advertise- ment should 80 persectly express my sen- timents,” and she blushed as his arm tightened around her. will be next spring. How Was The Game? Columbus Sunday News. ‘Oh, how was the game?” was the anxious cry To a couple of men as they passed him by, One turned and smiled as hu 8ald, “'Oh fine! "Twas as good as a glass of the mellowest wine!” The wedding While the other sald with & scowl and sneer, “The yr:t‘l‘_olv,'ut game that I have secn this ‘They passed along and the questioner sal As hylu fat sides agnok and I?ls face grew r%'d: ““There are mnnunen of as many minds; ‘There are many bets of as many kinds; But, though men and wagers disacree, The mind and the purse are in sympathy.” His Narrow Escape. The Judge: *“Did I- ever tell you, Dave,'’ inquired I, ‘‘how near a dear friend of mine came to running away with an Irish girl?" “No,”” Dave answered. “Did you have & fl;lend about to run off with one?'’ “Wall, why didn't he, theu?” “Q'l unother person ran away with T, or, *‘But why didn’t he elope first?'" “*Ho was unacquainted with her then,” Ireplied, in an abscent-minded man- ner. e PEPPERMINT DROPS. ‘The iceman’s smile is talked of as a new shade in summer fabrics, Sign in a Chicagodrug store: “Grand clear- ing out sale of seidliez powders.” It’s great fun tosee a young woman play the plano and fight fiies at the same time. Nothing can be more boundless than a true woman’s love—except, perhaps, that same ‘woman’s appetite. A man with a wheelbarrow ox the sidewalk is not very g:?ulur, out he generally carries everything before him, Boston Post: A St. Louis man has eaten eleven restaurant pies at one sitting, and, strange to relate, survives. People who want to know whether it is pronounced ‘‘neether’* or ‘“‘myther” will find if they investizate, that it is neither. ‘The next time a convicted “boodler” says he wants to take a bath the sheriff will prol ably deem it safest to turn the hose on him in his cell. It Is clalmed now that the telephone was Invented In 1635 It did not come into gen- eral use, however, because the word ‘*hello” 'was not invented until some years after. Down in New Jersey the other day a piano was struck by Ilrmnlng. It is seldom in- deed that lightning exercises such benevo- lent discrimination in choosing its victims. Clara Louise Kellogz says that singers should have nine hours sleep every night. No one will objectto their |ndulqlng them- selves to such an extent, if they will only let their neighbors get a nap once in a while. The man who can invent some sort of mu- sic to sst: with the type writer has a fortune before him. ‘T'he 1dea of wasting so much motion I8 all 3 that ean_ciic: W (3 bnse) Glve us a machins a dunning letter and White Wi he same time. A youngster in a neignboring town, wh had Zone outon a pleasure trip by his father's consent, suddenly broke out “erying, and when asked what the matter was, said: amma will whip me.”” An effort was made to soothe him by explaining that as long as his father kneéw he had come, his mother would not scold him for coming with- out saying ln,\'llllllq to her about it. This hardly satistied the little fe:low, who whim- pered in reply, “Papa isn’t the boss ! —_— RELIGIOUS. Cardinal Newman contemplates publishing a volume of autobiographical reminiscences during the fall, A minister In Somerset county, Maine, has his sermons printed monthly and sends them to those of his parishoners who do not go to chureh. The Rev. Dr, Willlam G. Farrington has retired trom the editorship of the *‘Episcopal Church Almanae,” a position he bas held for the past twenty years, Dr. DeSota Is interested in _the restoration of the festival of St, Mary Magdalen to the Episcopal prayer book. 1t Is now observed as a fast by the White Cross crusade. Reyv. Dr. Henry M. Scudder has given in his old church in San Francisco a farewell lecture on Japan. preparatory to going to tlh'n country to speud the remainder of his o, It is reported from Rome that the most ev. John McEvilly, archbishop of Tuam, Ireland, will shortly be raised to the cardinal: ate. At the present time there is no cardinal attached to the Irish church. The Wesleyan conference. now in session in Mauchesier, is one of the largest which hias ever assembled. Application hs been made for about two thousand tickets for winisters from various parts. Two hundred representative laymen are also expected to be present and to take part in the proceedings. A number of new societies are springing up, and all in some way aim at the regenera: tion of the human race. One of the latest called |The Cbristain Kingdom society, and its avow ject is to unite Its membe: in an “endeavor in all things to render faith- nfl Inmi loyal obedience to the spirit of Cl At a meeting of the Eplscopal parishes (n St. Louis Dr. Van de Wl&r organized a mission to be held n that city next advent. Father Osborne will conduct & noonday meet- ing for business men. Dr. Rainsford will nlso take “Il" d Dr. Van de Water will 0 ! D h d In addition to organizing the ,fi‘.fi.yn&. n every Ephoop:! Ghurch 10 New York eity, e ] . JOLLITY UNDER DIFFICULTIES. The Aoctors’ Retreat in Omaha and the Pro- osedings. CHASING THE ""ROYAL DUCK.” Hustling for Bash—Bohemia in Ne- braska—Street ‘Faking' Actors =A Reporter's Visit to & Carious Urowd. ‘I'Ne recent opening of a variety theatre in this city, the closing of another, and the extremely hot weather, has had the effect not only of terminating the career of nearly all the “Dramatic Snaps’ tour ing Nebraska, but has also brought to Omaha a little colony of theatrical peo- ple, allin & ‘more or less impecunious condition. They realize the fact that the opening of the regular season is still some five or six weeks off,and have made up their minds to spend that time in as jolly a manner as their circumstanees will allow. Some are pretty well fixed, while others are completely “broke,” but with that good nature which ever has, and probably ever will, characterize Bo- hemians, they help each other, and the city will be none the worse off for their brief sojourn. In all cities can bo found a few retired vrofessionals and others who from life- long association with actors consider themselves such, and as ‘“‘birds of a feather flock together” the “‘colony” as it 18 dubbed umongst themselves is thriving rapidly. Quite by accident a BEE reporter was yesterday not only made acquainted with the foregoing facts, but also had the pleasure of spending an afternoon with the principal character. The headquar- ters of these jolly Thespians is in a house on Capitol avenue—not a large house, yet large enough to hold a good muny when wao take into consideration the fact that each room contains two large beds and frequently two or more cots. They pay so much a week for the sleeping ac- commodation und then to use thetr own euphonious expression ‘‘hustle for the hasn,” They have formed a sort of con- gress of their own, have a president,com- mittec of ways and means and hold a meeting every afternoon in a semi-seri- ous way, during which the events of the previous day are reviewed. The presi- dent is a somewhat consumptive-looking comedian, who by reason ot ill health is not allowed to do any hustling. The meetings are held in a yard behind the house, where, seated under a couple of trees, dressed in every variety of ‘‘negli- gee'' costumes, they smoke, talk and drink, There was one individual, however, who, in spite of the heat, wore a coat buttoned and a high hat somewhat the worse for wear, but still shiny. This was the *‘legit” as he'is called, & gentle- man who for the past thirty weeks has been touring the country with a dramatic compan, playing standard tragedies and clas dramas. According to re- port he has ‘:layed the stern Roman pa- rent so much that he is gloomy even in private life, and it is only after repeated libations of lager that he unbends, and even then it is with a kind of sardonic smile that sends chills down the backs of his friends. On such occasions after re- peated solicitations he will give them ‘‘a taste of his quality” by reciting the Forum scene or Othello’s famous speech. He is most unmercifully quizzed by the rest for his pompous mode of speech, but the quizzing troubles him not. He is sublimely oblivious to all but Shakes- peare or Knowles. On being introduced to the circle the reporter was received by acclamation, the president remarking that the first duty of n guest was to duck.” Not quite understanding this expression, his attention was called to a tin pail holding about two quarts which had been passed from mouth to mouth, until it had been emptied. With a sorrowful sigh the re- porter drew from his pocket his last half dollar and handed 1t to the president who directed a little Dutch comedian, with a face as round as an apple, to “chase” and to bring the change in “pimpsticks" (cigarettes). In due time the little fellow returned with the beer and after the can had been ‘‘guaged,” which was done with a stick kept for the urpose 1n order to prevent those who etched the beer from imbibimzl on the way, the business of the day com- menced. The roll was called and three of their number reported absent. The first was a gentleman known an “Gally Gus,” a well known comedian who has is absence was explained by the presi- dent, who stated that Gus had made a small stake, borrowed a Buffalo Bill hat and a cowboy shirt and had the previous evening walked to Council Bluffs. The license for street faking there was only #$1.50, and he intended trying his persuasive eloquence on the people of that city, He had somehow gotten hold of a receipt for a razor-paste and had made a couple of dozen boxes. They stood him nearly a cent a box. He was confident of being able to obtain 15 cents each for them, in which case he would return to Omaha to.day. This explanation gave satisfaction and nearly all present gave it as their opinion that Gus would succeed, as he ‘‘had gall enough for anything."’ The next absentee was known as “Charlie, the Kid."” A friend of his arose and szid that Charlie was giving a mon- logue entertainment at an opera house on South Tenth street. In answer to in- terrogations he could not say at what time the curtain rose or whether there was & curtain. He knew there was a piano and a bar; there were also card tables there. Charlie's duties were to sit for company from 2 to 5and 7 to 12 p. m. during which time he would probably sing from fifteen to twenty songs and re- ceive as compensation for the same the sum of $1.50. The third absentee just then made his appearance, and, throwing down a liberal ‘“‘donation to the duck,’ acquaintainted the company with the fact that he had that day endeavored to earn his living b, canvassing. He had been to a well- known manufacturing firm of this cit; who had promlvtlv furnished him with an eight-day clock and a hearth-rug as samples, lle was to sall these articles on the installment plan. One dollar dowh and the remainder at fifty conts per week. With the rug over lus shoul- der and the clock under his arm he had one from house to house without, however, being able to effect a sile. Hot, tired nnh dusty, he wis about to return to town in disgust, when the merry laugh of child- ren rang upon his ears. Snatches of son and the sound of a piano were wafte across the road to where he was stand- ing. Them some one attempted Fritz Emmett's “Cuckoo” song. This was more than he could stand, = He hastened across to the house, and, putting down the rug and clock, sang the song as he had hundreds of times done before the footlights. The blinds were drawn; he was invited inside, sang three or four songs, and upon leaving was presented by the mother of the children with a two dollar bill. He had taken back the rug and clock to the owners, feeling con- yinced that canvassing was not Lis forte, After the “duck’ had been ‘‘chased” s couple of llllBl| the Jru!dent inquired whether anything Importance had transpired during the previous day; whereupon, a_shm, close shaved youn, man (evidently a female ‘‘chase the [ f{lnyed engagements all over the country." impersonator) # one's being rose and said that he had discovered a joint on Farnam street where every mornlnf at 10 o'clock they gave & free of moup, D:nt and potatoes with bt lunch each glass of The address was depu tor with a view to having the luncheon time fixed for later in the day, asit was ridiculous to think of arising at the un- earthly hour of 10 a. m. merely for the sake of s free lunch; especislly when their friend Higgins set sandwiches on his bar until late in the evening. At this " arose and in a melo-dramatic the “I substance at that establish- ment, but L have determined never to do so again, Yesterday I went there and called for a stoin of beer, paid the lunch, m{ nickel and tackled 1 hiad finished my seventh sandwich and was reaching for another one, when that big bartender with the diamond pin, act- ually asked me whether [ wouldn't like a knife, tork, plate, and a mnapkin.” Amidst a shower of laughter the propo- sul was negatived, It would be impossible to repeat here half the jokes, railery, and witticisms that characterized this ‘“‘feast of humor and flow of beer,” as hour after hour sped along and the cool of the evening began to appreciated. When at last no single individual cared or was able to ‘chase the duck’a subsoription was taken up—nickels and postage stamps belnr frequently contributed. Suddenly a tall, powerful man of about fifty came atrid- ing up the yard, accumpanied by a beau- tiful sky terrier, ‘‘Boys,” saia he, ‘'I'm going to leadville to-night and have come to say food-bye"‘ It was Fernan- do, or as he is generally called ‘‘Pap” l‘leminf, & character artist of good atand- ing. ‘ormerly a well-known opera boufte artiste he has of late taken to the variety theaters and is & greas favorite out west. ‘‘Good-bye Pap,” came from all. “‘Remember me to Laura Le Clair said another. “Try and fix me for a couple of weeks at Denver,” said a third. “When I do my full specinlty I knock everybody cold.” *“I wish you'd do it here then.” “Rats!" *“Chestnuts!” “You never got a square encore 1n your life,"” and similar remarks rattled around. “‘Mr. Henry,” said the “legit.,” ‘‘do me a favor. [ am told that what the Lead- ville people really want is the classics, Present my compliments to Mrs. Lo Clair, and tell ner that with proper supuorti will play Virginius at her theatre (seven nights and two matinees for $25.) “Vir- ginius!’ said the consumptive president, “'you tell her that I'll Ko on the end, vut on a middle act, do a specialty and put on an after piece for $40. That's nbout what she wauts. Well, good-bye,"” and amongst a chorus of hearty favorites, Henry and his dog wended their way. A consultation among the rinance committee resulted in the discovery that the funds were exhausted, and us the re- porter did not care about contributing any more to the ‘‘duck,’’ the meoting was about to adjourn, when a cheery voice was heard. ‘Golly Gus,’ by Josh,” exclaimed everybody, and the reporter turned his head, naturally anxious, to see the man of gall. The iuslivithml wore a broad-brimmed slouch hat and a flannel shirt, a pair of very old dress pants and patent leather shoes. It was certainly a curious make up, and was, no doubt, worn on purpose to excite comment. In answer to a hundred inquiries, Gus twisted his mustache, threw his sombrero in the air, announced that his expedi- tion had been a success, and drawing a $5bill from his pocket waved it in the air, shouting as he did so: **The worla is mine.”” Amid the roar that followed few heard Mr. Legt, in disgusted tones, say: *‘He's a liar; it's Brooks & Dicksons.” Wishing this jolly crew every success, and thanking them for a pleasant after- noon, the reporter withdrew, but hoy ere long, to huve another good time w these harmless, jolly ohemians of Omaha, et R HBOUCATIONAL. - 1n Illinois there are more colleges than in the whole of Europe, and one colleze in Eu- rope has move students than the v hole state of Illinois. « Dr. Cogswell proposes to found a poly- technic school im San Franelsco, that shall be oben to any boy or irl in Calitornia. He will endow it with property worth $1,000,0¢0, Miss Ae¢nata Ramsay, & daughter of Siv James Ramsay. ths Scotch baronet, took | honors in the classical course at Girton col- lege, Cambridge, England. She was the only student of elgher sex to pass in the lrst di- vision, and was loudly cheered by her com- petitors when herrank was announced. Her age is twenty years. ‘The Concord philosophers are engaged 1n their annual attempt to grasp the idea of in- finity. If they have not forgotten their al- gebra they ought to know that infinity is nothing but a figurs 8 lying on its side. That is as near they or anybody else will ever come to crasping the idea, and they might as well accept the situation. President Laughlin will sever his connec- tion with Hiram college at commencement June 16, and President Wooley, the new rmshlvnk will assume the duties of nis of- ice in September next. It is interesting to observe that Professor Laughlin will go from Hiram to fill tho chair of ancient languages at Garfield university, Wichits, Kan. Mills college, the Wellesley of the Pacifie slope, was the recipient of a gift of $50,000, endowing a chair of mental and moral phil- osophy, from Mrs. Susan L. Mills, at the lust commencement. The chair will be called the Mark Hopkins ehair of philosophy. This makes a total of $250,000 which Dr. Milis and his wife have given this tine insti- tution for the education of women, The university of Kings college, Windsor, Nova Scotia, 1s the oldest of all the British North Ame n colleges. The royal charter under whic was founded in 1758 explicitly provides that its academical habits shall be he same as those of the university of Ox- ford. ,And its encenfa 1s conducted every year with all the pomp and cireumstance of an Oxford encenia. The hev. Dr. Isaac Brock, Oxford, isthe president. The advisability of ndn}vling a distinctive dress for the students of the university of Pennsylvania has been under consideration forsome time !\.lst by the authorities of that institution. It is proposed that each student shall wear a garb by which it can be readily 8 which department he attends, and whetker he be an undergraduate or a gradu- ate. The matter was recently put into the hands of a comnuttee whose proposition has been fully approved by the trustees avd pro- fessors of the university. ‘The colleze of Willlam and Mary at Wil- liamsburg, Va., the oldest college in the whole country excepting Harvard, having been founded in 1503 by royal grant. [t tlourished immensely during the succeeding century, supported by the Virginia lezisia- ture and private endowments, and vrder its roof were trained some of the brightest in- tellects of the land, Thowss Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, Peyton Ran- dolph, John Tyler, John %farshall, and four of the signers of the declaration were among its wraduates. But 145 decline began long ago, ine most of its remaining proverty was de- stroyed during the eivil war, and the vener- able lnstituiion which nurtured the revolu- tionary _statesmen, which commissioned George Washington as a civil engineer, and to which he gave his last public service as chanceilor, has now only one “protessor’” and not asingle student, Its halls are de- serted. SUMMER COMPLAINTS, Dotroit Free Press: There is something curions about sunstrokes in Ohio this sum- mer, Every time a man is struck he takes all the money in the house and sneal ff, d sometimes he is found several hundred les uway and just wmarried to another woman, Kingston Freejnan: Country roads these days ar v the many wild Toses that grow along them. Theroad known Iueas turnpike is rich with a profusion of Id roses. It is almost one continual bed of roses for miles after crossing the line of the town of Hurley. mllfiulfl Usion 8| We mnever knew of anybody that was hul by a ripe watermelon’ and never saw anybody that could point out any person who was willing to say that he ever knew or heard any one remark that he knew of a %orlml’s being coenizant of any armed b, & ripe watermelon. IN THE ELECTRIC FIELD. The Electrio Railway in The East Boston Sugar Works. RULES FOR POLES AND WIRES. On the Theory of the Telophone—The Eleotric Light Afloat—Execution by Electricity—Possibilities for the Fluld. New York Rules for Poles and Wires. The New York board of electrical con- trol on July 15, adopted the following rules governing the erection of telegraph and telephone poles and wires which had been approved by General Newton, commissioner of public works: No two lines of poles shall be on the same side of any streel or avenue. No two lines of poles bearing conduc- tors for similar electrical service shall be on any street or avenue. Electric light poles shall be of iron, at least 26 feet 1n height, with a diameter of not more than eight inches at the base, and having cross arms of wood, with glass, porcelain or rubber insulators,and painted a uniform color. Poles for telegraph, telephone and other similar wires shall be at least sixty feet in height. Poles shall be placed upon the side- walk, as near the curb as possible, and no pole shull be placed within ten feet of any lamp post or other pole. All existing regulations of the local authorities in regard to the placing of poles and stringing of wires are to con* tinuve in foree. All wires shall be fastened upon poles or other fixtures with glass, porcelain or rubber insulation. No wires shall be stretched within one foot of any pole without being attached to the same with glass, porcelain or rub- ber insulation. No wires shall be atretched within twenty feet of the ground or within 4 feet of any building, except when attached thereto with glass, rubber or porcelain insulation. No arc eleetric light or power wires shall be stretched over any part of any house or other building. The companies or persons owning or controlling poles in any street or avenue shall allow the same to be used by other companies or persons operating conduc- tors for similar electrical service whon auteorized 8o 8o do by the board on ten- der of proper compensation, to be deter- mined by agresment between the com- panies or persons interested. in default of such agreement, the amonnt of osom- pensation shall be determined by the oard. This rule imposes a contract on the part of each company or person own- ing or controlling the voles in any street or avenue, not only with the voard, but also with each company or person who shall under 1its terms be qualitled to de- mand the privilege it confers. All permits of the board for overhead wires and fixtures are granted only pend- ing the providing of underground accom- modations in_the neighborhood of the streets or avenues for which the permit is granted. Any member or officer of the board, and every ispector employed by it, as every meinber of the police force of the city, shall be entitled to examine permits under which work of any kind is being done. No permit shall ba granted for the erection of any overhead structure nor for the renewing of any lines already ex- isting 1n any street, avenue or highway in which underground accommodrtions for the service have been provided or are being provided. All poles now standing or to be here- after erected shall be branded or stamped with the initials of the company owning them, at a point not iess than five or l;mru than seven feet from the street sur- ace. hien an old pole is taken down it must be removed from the street the same day. New poles must not be brought upon the street more than two days in ad- vance of their erection, Any pole that shall be on the street more tharn two days shall be removed by the bureau of incumbrances of the de- partment of public works at the expense of the party owning it. All electrical companies or persons having poles in the public streets shall give a bond to the city, in a reasonable amount, to be determined in each case by the board, conditioned for the pay- ment of the cost of renewing dangersus and abandoned poles, and also for the payment of the expense of restoring the sidewalks and pavements where the same have been disturbed or injured in conse- quence of the erection or removal of any poles owned by them, The violation of any of the rules and regulations of the board shall operate ipso facto as a revocation of the permit held by the company or person guilty of violation. The Electric Railway. Electrical World: The ease and slight expense at which an electric railway can be operated 1 large works already pro- vided with & dynamo for electric lighting is well shown in the venture recently carried out in the East Boston sugar re- finery at Eust Boston. This refinery, which is the largest in New England, is situated about 1,300 feet from the docks where the raw sugar 1s unloaded from the ships. Formerly the hogsheads and bags were loaded on a railroad truck drawn by horses, the work being such us to tax the animals very severely and ne- cessitating frequent changes. As the refinery is provided with & 150- light Edison plaut, it was determined to put in an electric railway, and the in- stallation was undertaken by the Sprague El ic Railway and Motor company of The rolling stock consists ot two flat ears, one of which carries the motor of fifteen horse power at its forward end, tossther th a raised platform, upon which are placed the regulating and re- prsing switches. The cars are capable of taking a load of twelve hogsheads, equivelent to 80,000 ponnds. The current is taken from the lightning dynamo and led to the motor from an overhead wire and trolley, the track being nsed on the return. With the electric railway the work of transferring can be done 1n one-fourth the time formerly required with horses; and althougzh ships are constantly unload- ing at the docks the limiting capacity of the rallway to handle the Wwork has aot yet been reached. ‘The motor operates without noise and although the track is always in bad con- dition, being invariably “covered with sugar and molasses, no difficulty in oper- ation has yet been experienced, Another interesting feature is the fact that that thus far no appreciable increase in coal consumption due to the operation of the clectrie railway in connection with the light has been noticed., On the Theory of the Telephone. London Electrical Review: In a for- mer paper on the theory of the telephone, think I showed that the magnetin diaphragm of this apparatus is animated by "two different kinds of movements which are superposs One Kind con- sists of the movements of resonance, which are molecular and independent of the outward form; it is these that enable the diaphragm to transmit and reproduce all sounds, a characteristic property that ought to have been expressed in the very name of the telephone by calling it pan- telephone. The others are harmouie movements and are transversal, corre- sponding to the fundamental sound and the harmonios of the diaphragm, and de- ponding on its olasticity, form an ture; the former are prejudici: clear transmission of music and speech, for they alter tho timbre, the harmonios only coinciding by the merest chance with thoso of the “voice or instruments now in use. In order to place beyond a doubt the existence and superposition of these two kinds of movements, 1 endenvored to make the one predominate over the other at will inthe same diaphragm, This was effected by means of the fol- lowing method, which I invented 1n 1881, and have merely simplified since: 1. The diaphragm of any telephone is Elnned in conditions favorable to its vi- rating transversely freely, and in such a manner as to enable the aivision into nodal lines corresponding to a deterns ined given sound to be produced. For this purpose, instead of the diaphragm being fixed at its edges, as 18 generally the case, it is ssmply placed as near as possible to the pole of the electro-magnet flicient number of points of a If 1t is & rectangular diaphragm, 1t 18 placed upon two rectilinear supports coinciding with the two nodal lines of the fundamontat sound. If it is & circu- lar diaphragm, three apertures are made, from two to three millimoters in diame- ter ut the angles of an equilateral trian- gle inscribed in the circumforence which constitutes the nodal line of the first harmonic, and the disk is Jaid on three points of cork placed in a corresponding manner on a fixed straw and penetrating into the apertures. This being done, let us introduce into the bobbin of the apparatus a series o currents of very low intensity, and grad- ually decreasing period; for examvle, proceeding from the emission of musical sounds before any transmitter whatever, either telephonic or radiophonic. ~ Then the telephonic recciver, modified as al- ready described, only vibrates apprecia- bl{ under the action of the currents whose period is equal to thatof the corresponding sound at the nodal line on which the diapliragm rests, a sound which I will term particulat or special; it is no Ionzor‘{mn-'nluphnnlc, ivismono- telophonic, and may therefore be called a mono-telephone. 1 This result is not absolute. In reality the diaphragm sounds some sub-harmonics of the special sound correspondiug to the fixed nodal line; but their intensity is comparatively very low; and besides, the diaphragm reproduces somewhat lower or higher in period than the special sound, but the extreme interval between these sounas is very small, and does not generally exceed one or two commas. These reservations are gimilar to those that have to be made in connection with resonators in acoustics, Likowise the kind of analysis that a mono-telephone makes of what we may term the electro- magnetic waves is analogous to that made of the sound waves by a resonator. In fact, if we communicate to them a series of suocessive or simultangous waves of different periods, cach of them selects in a certain degree thatof the particular sound that corresponds to 1ts geometrical form, and to the conditions i which it is placed, and greatly strengthensit. The mono-telephone might thus' be termed an electro-magnetic resonator. 2. In the arrangement we have just de- scribed the transverse movements pre- dominate, and 1t 18 easy to see the effect that they would have in an ordinary tele- phone; for if we try to reproduce, by means of a mono-telephone, articulate speech spoken into a trxmnmhtur, either we hear scarcely anything if the particu- lar sound of the apparatus is not within the scale of the human voice (from the second to the fourth C) orelse,in the con- trary case, we only hear sounds modified in quality and mufflea articulations, the whole being drowned, as it were, in the sonorousness of the special sound every time it occurs. But it is very easy to produce the op, posite effect, viz: to make the molecular movements of resonance predominate over the transverse ones, and thus ren- der the mono-telephone pan telephonic and make it reproduce all sounds with the same 1ntensity aad articulate speech with clearness. To do this it is suflicient to place obsta- cles in the way of the transverse har- monic vibrations by lightly fixing the edges of several points of the diaphragm: for example, by placing the fingers on it n a certain manner. The most simple way of performing the experiment is as follows: We receive into the mono-telephone various successive or - simultaneous sounds, among which is the special sonnd or articulate li)euch at about the pitch of sound. We place our ear to the dia- pbl’l\m;whife it is a certain distance away, or at the most just brushing it, we hear only the special sound; but as we urpl,v the ear to the diaphragm more closely, the special sound becomes weaker and weaker, and at last we hear all sounds with equal intensity and articu- late speech without any appreciable alteration of quality. By this very simple method we cause the movements of re- sonance to predominate over tho trans- verse ones, and give to the apparatus the Rmrmlnplwnio property possessed by the ordinary telephone with fixed diaphragm, In a future paper I will return to the constrnction of the electro-magnetic re- sonator and its applications. The Electric Light Afloat. Electrical World: New and special uses for the electric light on board men- of-war are being found. A recent plan is to place an arc light at each end of the ship, and converge their beams on the distant object.. The angles made by the beams with the base lines are observed, and a simple trigonometrical formula gives the distance of the object. To facil- tate the operation, the ship can be bronght round till the angels are equal, or ap- proximately, and a_table can be used to give the result. In the French navy strings of incandescent lamps on the yard-arms have been used of late to con- vey messages by means of flashing in ac- cordance with the Morse and other codes. It is oasy to read the flashes at a consid- erable distance. The extent to which electric lights are now used for naval y\lr])o. s is shown 1n the fact that the nglish admiralty has recently con- tracted for no fewer than thirty-eight sets of dynamos and engines, Scandinavia and Switzerland, Electric lighting was recently intro- duced at the Central railway station, Christina, very successfully, involving a loss to the gas works of 10,000 a year. In Christina, the gas works are ity property, and the corporation is now going in for an electric light plant of its own. The steamer running along the west coast of Norway have been fitted up with Edison installations. In Stockholm the leading theatre 18 now lighted by electricity, and the eity of Gothenburg, Sweden, 18 to have its sireets lighted by eleetr y. tated that the use of water-power 1t in Switzerland tor electrie lighting pur- poses is greatly on the increase. One of the latest installations of the kind is that of F.mfluburu.whure a Schuckert machine capable of running 600 lights is now sup- plying 300 Siemens 101 and 102 volt in- candescent lamps and five arc lamps of 1,000 candle power each are also in use. Execution By Electr Mr. Park Benjamin, in a rec ber of the Forum, nssed the suhje of execution by electricity, in the conrse of which he dwelt very foreibly on the effect that the carrying out of the death penalty by electricity will have. on the popular imagination, He said: “From the very earliest ages superstitio almost every conceivable form and oh acter have clustered about the lights stroke, and many of them still s re. 1t is not diflicult to conceive that the fas stant extinction of life in a strong ” by an agency it is impossible to see, which | 18 unknown, may create in the ign mind feelings of the decpest awe horror, and prove the most forcible o means for preventing orime."’ toal ossibilities. It ouri A company has formed iu Pittsburg for propelling . riages by moans nf electricity taken M7 an overhead wire, as street oars ¢ alroady in many cities. As soon as ¢l system proves a success it is likely to be adopted in Buflalo, the asplalt pavoments of which will offer great advantages. A takes from three to four times as mu power to run a carriage on a stone bl pavement as on rails. So fi st has gress been made in experiments wil ulnc(nci:y :Ht careful tests iuhow that per cont oft he power put into a 9 cau be 1aade available; & steam dnm gives forth only 15 per cent ot the value of the conl burnep. When storage bat- teries havs been made much lighter | they now are they can be used for drivis carriages, instead of overhead wires, they can be charged by means of wi mills and water power. s every | farm house may come in time to be plied by means of suci devioes, not with water but also with light and ‘mm for driving wogons and farm machinery. | But long before that time the horse car will have given place in our cities to ¢ electrioally driven street car. 1t is to electricity and not to cable systems that the Buffalo street car company is lool for relief from subjugation to tho wi of the horse. PO, BINGULARITIES, A rattiesnake being pelted with mm, h" a Washington territory boy, treed him in peach tree and kept him there for two hours,: A small rattlesnake was recently found in | & mail pouch when it was unlocked at Mor: | row’s statlon, near Forsyth, Ga. How it got there is a mystery. A blooded horse in Parkersburg, West Virginia, came suddenly upon some strolling Suvoyards and their performing bears other evening, and was_ 8o frightoned that: he reared and then fell dead. A circuit preacher in Georgia. who hasa wife and five children, and who frequently Wi tifteen miles to dellver a_sermon, re~ colves a salary of $200a year, while Buffalo Bl is hobnobbing with ‘the fiun and the tune of | mall family, and doing them $10,000 a day. A Texas negro was recently struck lightning and killed. In his pockets found two horseshoe waznets, two copp cents that had melted together, s nickel thal was partly meltod and_stuck fo his_w and the nickel rim around his money pus Wwus also melted. UNIONVILLE, Mo., July 20.—Durin past few weeks a little girl of G. W. shaw, of Richland township, this county,| been in the habit of takink from table and going out into a tield near the hiouse and feeding a rattlesnake which had made its abode in a stump. few days lnhdh child remarked to her mother that she .‘ t snake in a stump, and she was going o feed it. ‘The mother thought the chll m only jestlnf. but as s00n as the re[;llll swallowed its meat It followed the little on into the house, where it was instantly Kif by the mother. This proved almost to be & wrong act, for the reason that the child was taken violently sick, and had spasins for sev= eral hours afterwards, and was frequen with them for several davs. The physie think now, however, that the child will re= cover after a faw weeks' treatment. This Is case in which it Is sald the reptile ‘‘charmed” the human being, and the d¢ B of the serpent came near proving fatal to Its subject. ‘I'ne Terre Haute madstone, which has & record of ninety years in one family, has been applied in two cases In the last Tow Jamnes Walker, of ll'vlllT‘n station, Hl., brought hss little girl. who had been severely bitten by a doz supposed to be mad. The stone would not adhere and this was consid= ered conclusive evidence that no virus had entered the child’s blood, esvecially as teeth passed through her eclothing. Mii Hoover, of Newmau, I, was bjtten dog that died from rabies. Other dogs bitte: by this dog died in the same manner. Miss Hoover was terribly lacerated. Two after being bitten the stone was applied and| adhered fourteen hours to the flesh near one of the wounds. 1t turned a dark color and fell off. By the use of sweet milk its were purged of the virus, and being nppll: again'it adhered ten hours and again two hours, Miss Hoover 18 now rapidly recover-| ing. In the hundreds of cases on record of its use there 1s none of the death of a person when the stone adhered to the flesh, ——— BIRD'S NESTS, Auburn Dispatch: A pair of swall have built a nest in one of the eleetric light of Oshkosh, Wis, and have hatched sh young ones, The nest is dlrecll{ under bowl which is placed over the light, and a few Inches trom the light. New York Sun: In revalring the Pres terlan church in lioopeston, 111, the st which had long been a home for Engl !Rnrnwu, was cleaned out. The struws tii the birds had carried into the nests amounted to nearly enough to wagon box. Chicago News: Mulcahey was dead: following brief but pointed scrap of com sation was heara the other day on a Sg od mornin’, Halsteaa street ca McCarthy.”” **Good mornin,’ Mrs. Mulcahe “He's d and how’s Mr. Mulcahey?"* thank you.” John Ellls, vur‘{ intelligen he dog Hoxawattamie Herald: Williamsport, Pa, has a crow, Whenever he sees the dog dinin sneaks up behind [and grabs his tail. dog wheels around, when the crow an up the coveted foud and is Inumntl{ out :’m’:’elh The crow has built its nest in sn hat. Augusta, Me., Journal: An Auy young man recently purehased two pairs thoroughbred carrler pigeons, and one day, when taking his horse to pasture in Si [ ed one of the birds along. On arrlyl at his destination, six miles away, he lil ated the pigeen. One hour and a qui was required for it to reach the city, and: patient young man at the Augusta end of th route stood all this time with stop wateh hand, scanning the heavens for the win | messenger. The bird walked home, Towanda (I’a.) Reporte birds in detending their nests illustrated by a pair of robbins at Marshii in Tioga county, the old d A munrading) cat saw the birds in a pear tree, and climbin| up toward the nest made preparations for game breakfast. ‘The bids did not fly and di 1 not wait to be attacked, but before (' 0 reached the nest both attacked their feling| enemy, and wiih fluttering wings and sharp| beaks drove grimalkin,sore faced and df comlited to the ground. Wide Awake: Some vears ngo a Seol naturalist wished to obtain a gull, fired at flock %usl issuing from their nests, breakingl the wing of one, which came fluttering down, falling i nto the' ocean. At nrst the flocl were demoralized and flew wildly abou, u tering harsi cries, but a moment” later seemed to be recalled t the struggle two birds d; of its wines, triumphs for, as ma e and bore It away In| be sunposed, the natum) alist did 'not fire, but spermitted the resenus Here was frie ' indeed —herolsm, in) fact—as the other birds alarmed by the fire| faced the same danger. New Orleans Picayune: A )’Dnm{ man must learn to speak for himself, and for b girl, if he gets on pt: The susceptible youth There is litte hope for shed. purnal: Never mal youny lady who is possessed He might lamb you. man: Mrs. Yeast does no ¢ all the “rising” you men keep theinselves, She declares that never finds them in the street ears, P Pittsburg Dispateh: Few young m want t e it said that they “are trylag tol marry for money, but many of them more than willin love sowe rieh girl tof herself alone Boston Cuile nan of a big brother Yonkers Stat Where is the perfeot wo aks an exchange. 1f you are ve anxious to know, just ask the who for the hrst time in g iife and ears im love,