Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, April 24, 1887, Page 10

THE OMAHA DAILY BEE: On Wednesday, April 27, 1887 o A Oxllje-tm following terms: on each ir ) cash, balance equal amounts 1, 2 an ot at time of sale asa guarantee of good faith. Sale will commen and 3 years, AT AUCTION , the Board of County Commissioners will sell at auction the part of the old County Poor Farm,known as Dou%las Addition on the wit \ interest 8 per cont per annum, payable annually. A deposit of ce at 9 o’clock a.m. tion can be seen at the County Clerk’s office. 235 lots, appraised value $206,450; average $878 per lot. . — e ————— - = =) g |8 |8 a|le|a g (s (B THIRTY-BRIGHTH INDAY APRIL 24, 1887.—~TWELVE PAGES. 25 will be required sharp. A platshowing the appraised value of each lot in the addi- ‘eygewaO 1SO M =33 L] 5 *oer (i3 L3 st o AATHIHS g lz g (g |2 (8 (B & | =B |8 | o s (8 |8 8 |2 8 |8 8 (8 B (s (g |z [ Er| = o]« e a|le|leo| e w AHOMOIH ggsgzsg g (g 2 OIAdIOVd s.JIomoH ® H X ) 22 2 ‘oov[g eolnn [] ‘}E§§§§ Bl x| g |a|sx 8 g e le e s B g =) g8 Gl g |8 8 |8 (& s|a|=s]s|8 g |8 &8 |3 18008 4004 8/le 8 8 [2] 52 82 52 81 2} 81 81 51 81 L20 LY Griffen & THIRTY-SIXTH Smith’s STRERT. Addition. ] PAd ¥ 0268 st (/34 THHHLS st HNANYAY OAKHURST. HUMORIST'S HAPPY HITS. The Member From Hickory Fork and His Per Diem. PICTURES PAINTED FOR PHUN. Blow Time ta the Golden Gate—The Spring Poet in the Sanctum—An Astonished Chinee—All Hope Banished—Funny Chat. ‘Wants tobe a Bug. [Suggested by the \)m;em craze In. breast pins. | Dora, you're a pretty miss, One that I would love to kiss, ut 1 can’t. For, if I were to essay, You would check me with a *“‘nay,’, Or ‘'you shant.” One would know you for a flirt, Seeing you adjust your skirt 8 tugy While u‘mn your shapely breast Crawls, In onlld‘an harness drest, ‘Though the *“‘buj ve bug, let’s” chaln is short, He Is free—too free—to court; (Lucky knave!) For his stamping ground’s your heart, Of all parts the very part That I crave. ‘Your sweet smiles are not for me; So I'm jealous when 1 see (Oh, dull rlln 1) ‘That obnoxious, eaptive bug, Rub his head against your jug— —U—lar vein. If his “*Bugness” knew my case He might offer me his place, And his mask. Since you'll notgrant me your hand, * Let we, chained thus, ever stand On your basque. Ae Didn't Want a Kazor ta Shave With, ‘‘Have you got & raiser in the house?’ asked an Indiana man who registered at Willard's late last night for one night only. "Ydon'c know of any, sir,” replied the clerk, ‘'and the barber shop has been closed for two hours.” . *‘Barber shop, thunder!” exclaimed _the impatient guest. "'l don't want no barber shop. 1I'm tired out. { want to g0 up stairs to bed.” * “All right, sir, and I'll send the razor to you in the morning, so you can shave fore breakfast." “‘Young man,'’ said the Indianian, as a light dawned upon him, *‘you’re off your base. [don’t want norazor to shave with; I want a raiser that'll git me up stairs without havin' to walk,” Then the clerk tumbled, and the bell- boy led the guest over and put him in the elevator. L Moral: Marry a Bachelor. Tid-Bits, He: My first wife was ‘(ueh In!;er she lh'nry‘ou. HE ! Oh, I regret it, too. The Curious Orafts Women Are. San Francisco Wasp: “It's no use try- fog to be_kind-hearted in this world,” nflwd old Captain Spanker,whose coast. wise schooner is laid up for repairs. “This morning I saw a young gal on Kearney street whose stern sheets were skewed round over her left pistol pocket, 80 [ sez, sez I, ‘Madam, your after bulge isfetched loose.’ " N **You're a sassy, imperdent thing,*sez she. 3 “Well, this afternoon I seed another female whose rudder was hard-a-port, and | sez, sez I, *'Miss, you'd better luff . into this 'ere millingery store and star- ‘board dm" helm,” A A ““*I'll eall the p.u‘:llu. ym cil‘d masher! wi r parasol. - - i i 0 r, and she sez, ses u.‘”r‘m'-m fashion now, Capting. All the bustles isrigged on sideways xow,’ sez she. Curus crafts, these wim- min. How they manage to steer beats me.” Gentle Spring. A soft and stir is in the air, Preluding, gentle lrflnl. ‘When base ball umpires nest agaln, And hens begin to sing. The Second Thought of an Indignant Legislator, Arkansaw Traveler: *“‘Mr. Speaker,” said the member from Hickory Fork, “I feel it my sworn duty, sah, to git up an’ urise to a question of privilege. Yistidy when I was a makin’ my speech on the repeal of the g me law, some members of this body snickered at me an’ hel’ their noses ter keep from laugh- in’ right out. I didn’t pay no attention to 'em at the time, but now I want to say that I resent the insult, an’ kin whip any knock-kneed and kidney-looted repre- sentative that snickers at me, or has ter hold his nose ter keep from snortin’ like a skeered hoss. I am here, suh, (looking defiantly about him), ter honor my con- stituents by showin’ them that as long as I am their representative no man can cavort an’ snort around me, an’ airter- wards eat two sorts of pie with his for- mer neatness and dispatch, Mr. Speaker, I reckon I kain't find ther man that snickered, an’ of course kain't do nothin’ personal, but to show that I resent the nsult, sub, I'll resign and go home." Member from Blackberry Ridge— “Don't do that, Bill.” *‘Yes, I will an’ no power on earth ken prevent me.” “Bill, let me nrgly‘ Airter standin’ roun’ these here hotels at night an’ bavin’ big railrond men eallin’ you major,you'll find it mighty lonesome at the Flat, hearin’ nothin’ but the skreech owl, tune up his tiddle that he never plays on, an’ listening to the low chomp of the hogs as they eat their corn. Better stay here.’ *‘No, suh; 1I've made up my mind an’ there ain’t nothin' that ken make me change it.” *“Think ot the president of the railroad callin’ you major.” “I have thought of that.” “Qn' s'lill you'regoin home?" ‘Yes." “Bill, have you thought about losin’ your $10 a day?” *‘What's thaty" I say, have {ou thought about losin’ your $10 a day#’ *Mr. Speaker,” continued tho member from Hickory Fork, “‘airter thinking of the good I mout do m¥ constituents, 1 have decided to stuy with you.” Wanted. Oh! for a can of dynamite, With a powder mill nnndlng by, ‘For the orzan which plays “Sweet Violets” And “Walt Till the Clouds Roll By.” He Gave Up All Hope. Chicago Tribune: ‘‘Prisoner,” said a Nevada_judge, “what have you to say to lhhu |;A_n!ictmcnl; are you guilty or not ity Eu“l!elore I answer the question, judge, I'd like to ask your honor it this little lpoe‘l‘nclud dude is all the lawyer I've “That is Mr. Ferguson, sir!” responded the judge sternly; *I have appointed him to defend you, as you seem to have no counsel.” ‘‘Judge,” said the prisoner, sighing heawvily, “I'm guilty.” A Timely but Oruel Suggestion. ‘“‘Hello, ‘Richeheu! You don't call on Miss Dnbi any moreg—something up?” “Yes, Arthur, I confess it—there is. Why, don't you know I stayed a little late the other night, and dash me if she didn’t get up and wind the clock!"* An Early Bank. Wall Street News: A party who was making arrangements to establish a bank in a new town in Dakota was usked what time in the morning the place would be open for business. “Why, at nine o’clock, the usual bank- ing hour,’’ he replied. *Stranger, it won’t do! The passenger train pulls out of here at eight o’clock, and none of our folks will give you or any other man an hour’s start of 'em. If you can't open at 7:45 it will be no use to go into busine: Von Shpring Tragedy. Dot lofly shring vas goming, Der robbins hat appear: Soon vill der bees be humming Der boets heart to sheer. Dot boet, he vas wording All by der candle dim; Dot editor for fighting ‘Vas getting into trim! Dot boet mit his rhyming, Der editor to see, Come oop der shtairs a-climbing; His heart vas filled mit giee. Der bull dog, he vas taking A rest behind der shtoop; You bet dot he vas aching ‘To chew der boet oop. Der shot-gun id vas loaded, Der goat vas hungry, too; It but der boet knowed it, I'vonder vot he do? Alas he hat discover Pefore von vord vas said; Ha quickly been knocked ofer Pefore his rhyme vas read. Der bull dog chew der boet, Der boem chew der goat; Der editor say: “*Go it!” Vile taking off his coat. Und gwick he shoot dot boet, 30 soon he says his prayers, Und now, pefore he know it, He climb der kolden shtairs. Only Partly Keconciled. Yonkers Gazette: *‘How long did you uyx'ou had been a widow, Mrs. Frank?” *About two years, sir.”’ 5 ‘“‘And have you become reconciled to your loss yet?" “Well, partly, yes sir.” “Partlyy ow am I to explain that?'’ “Why, I mean that 1 am reconciled to the loss of my first husband, but not to the loss of gthe companionship which I might have from a second.” False. *‘False was the cold, hard heart which beat Her beauteous form beneath, False were her many vows,” he moaned— ‘*And so were her hairand teeth.” Washington Cri T'm going to apeak my mind at that meeting to-night, and don’t you forget it,” said an irate Metro- politan clubster to his wife. “Going to speak it .plainly, are you, dear?” she asked, quetly. “Yes, I'm going to speak my mlnd.hny whole mind, and nothing but my mind.” *‘What a short speech it will be,”’ she said, half to herself, and went on sewing. ‘What Astonished the Chinaman, Los Angelos, Cal., Times: Ex-Sheriff George Gard tells a good story which has hitherto never seen the light of print, When he was in San Francisco last, he happened to be riding on the front piat- form of a cable car and a Chinaman, who hada evidently been delivering laundried clothes got aboard. “You savvy Leavenworth stleet?" asked the Mongol of the gripman after he had ridden some distance. “Yes, 1 savvy Leavenworth street,” answered the grip. ‘‘Me likee catchee Leavenworth stleet.' “*All nght, John; you'll catch Leaven- worth street,”was the assuring rejoinder, and tutning' to Gard, the gripman said in an undertone: ‘‘Hold on to the rail; I'm going to dump him,” ‘The car was running at a rather high speed as it approgched the point indi- cated, and the pmnnnngmu, “‘Here's Leavenworth t, John," The Chinaman took his basket and pre- o G T e P! he car so suddenly that it shot the washeemasn off a8 if from a catapult. John tumbled over and over with his basket, and then, pick- ing himself up, an astonished look on his face and brushing the dust from his pantalettes, exclaimed: . “Hell! dam! Wachemalla? Stling bloke?"’ - Much Dephyr. A farmer once called his cow “Zephyr,” She seemed such an amiable hephyr, ‘When the farmer drpw near, She kicked off his ear, And now the old farmer’s much dephyr. She Didn't Want a Family. He was in a maudlin sentimental mood and was talking between the hic- cups, terrific hogwash to Miss Phabe Orkintrooler, and he wanted to snare her mature affections by means of a not too obtrusive present, Unfortunately. Phaebe is a little bit matter-of-fact and doesn’t quite see the beauty of finesse. i *“You will let me provide you with a pledge of affection?’’ he pleaded. “‘Snakes alive, man! I don’t want a family.” Once more is the silver cord busted and the golden bowl smashed to bits. —_— Foretold Her Own Death, Hartford Times: One of those mys- terious forewarnings of approaching death, which are as numerous as they are impressive, has just eulminated in the passing away, in this city, on the day redicted,of Mrs, Roxy Alvord,wife of the ate 'Truman Woodford, aged ninety-four. Afew months ago Mrs. Alvord, while in good health, received a strong im- pression that she would die on the 1st day of April, and so informed her daughter, with whom she lived. So strong was this impression that she wished to communicate with relatives in other cities, from whom she had rot heard lornhm’; time—but, before any word was sent lotters were received from the very persons mentioned, they ap- parently being guided by the same” mys- terious intelligence. Mrs. Alvord also arranged for the payment of interest money due about the time of her expected death. . She continued 1n good health for one of her age, but was firm in her belief of the trnth of her forewarning. About three weeks ago Mr¥. Alvord had a fall while walking about the house 1n the night, and broke her hip. Owing to her advanced a;rre,u was ible to set the bone, and she gradually failed until her death, April 1, the; duy set by her mys- terious impression threa.or four montsh 0. .grhou who ridicule, the idea that any disembodied intelligenhe conveyed the mysterious forekwowledge, and account for the coincidenep by saying that in such cases the mrumnfl.rh tixed on the foretold date, and so stpengly 2s to pro- duce, by the simple faet, the fulfiliment of the prediction, go too far for the safety of their own ground, and op the other hand overlook a great vagie{y of other facts, which go fur to upset the theory. First, if a mental lmpr«:fin can mine life or death, that ‘fact, of itself, is a li$~ nificant hint of the power of the nind, if not of its probable destiny to a post- mortem existence. Second, other facts, enough to fill a volume, exist, to show that the inteliigence (whatever one may call it, or believe it to be) that gives to so many persons a warning of their ap- proaching death, can, and does, see causes, leading to that fatal result, which nobody in the flesh can see. For ex- ample, A man bearing the very name of the Indy.above referred to—a Bir. Wood- ford, living some thirty years in Avon, and whose business ‘included the running of a saw mill—had, one night, a vivid and disturbing- dream, in which he was told that his deuth near, that it would be caused by thé breaking of a ve- volving saw, of which one piece would eut open his ~He told his family about the dream, and very quickly there- after it all happened, just'as he had been mysteriously told, " ° £ MY SENORITA. | Walluce P, Reed in Atlanta Constitution. One bright spring morning in 187-- when the diligencia rolled out of Toboso, 1found myself the only passenger. I had a ride of forty miles before me to the city of Mexico, and the prospect of making the trip alone did not suit me. The driver of the diligencia, one Gil Perez, had a villainous face, a face sug- gestive of treason, strategems and spoils, and every time it turned in my direction I instinctively felt under the seat to see if my valise was still there. My valise was fully worthy of this attention on my part. It contained $10,000 in gold, the result of collecting teip to Toboso, undertaken in the inter- est of a wealthy American client at the capital. The interior of the vehicle was capa- ble of accommodating six or eight per- sons, and I longed for a fellow-passen- ger. We had not left the outskirts of the town tairly behind us, when the lnmber- ing old coach was brought to a sudden standstill, the four horses throwing them- selves into a line across the road, with the evident intention of taking to the wouds. “Carrajo,” howled Gil Perez from his lofty perch as he gave his whip a vicious crack. *‘Thou devil of a Sauncho, I will cut out thy heart and liver; and as for thee Perdita, 1 will flay thee alive.” Ilaughed. When the driver talked in this fashion to his beasts he was in good humor, His lusty oaths and frightful threats counted for nothing. The cause of our halt wus soon ex- plained. Two young women had sig- naled Gil Perez to stop. One- of them was immediately bundled into the vehicle by her companion and the driver. It seemed to me that some bird of the trop- 1c8, with an overpowering glitter of gorgeous plumage, had swooped down upon me, and I naturally looked out of the window until 1 could think of some- thing to say. It struck me that the new passenger's maid, for such the young woman outside appeared to be, was a very picturesque affair. She had a rich complexion, with fine black eyes, and her hair, arranged in a long, glossy plat, hung down nearl, to her heels. Her head, neck and shoul- ders were perfectly bare, and her only garments were a loose-fitting white cot- ton tunic and a petticoat of red and blue reaching to her knees. She gave me a saucy look, and kissed her hand to her mistress, keeping up a lively chatter all the time, After the driver had stowed away the light baggage of the senorita, as he called her, and & parting adios had been ex- changed between the lady and the air) looking young woman who was to be left behind, the diligencia started, and was soon rumbling on its way. Under the circumstances it was impos- sible for me to go on looking at the land- scape forever, It was clearly my duty to make myself agreeable to the senorita. ‘The task did not uplmnr at all unpleas- ant to me after I had lurlivel{ surveyed the situation out of the tail of my eye. If an excuse for openiug the conversa- tion had been lacking, Gil Perez was po- lite enough to supply it. *“The senor will be delightmlm know," he said, with a flourish, “thatethe senor- ita will honor us with her company all the way to the city," T managed in rather crippled Spanish to express my almost delirious pleasure, and wound up by saying that I had been in a state of utter gloom and despairover my solitary journey. 1 To my surprise the senorita replied in excellent Enghsh, and said that she was overjoyed to have an American for a fel- low-traveler, *1 like the Americans," she said, ‘‘they are, what do you call 1t? Nice, I think, is the word. es, they are so nice.”” +*Talks like one of our boarding-school misses,” I said to myself, and then [ made some suitable reply. There was no question about 1t. The senorita was pretty. Tall as a daughter of the gods, with midnight hair and eyes, harmonizing well with her brunette com- plexion, she was what [ called, impressed as 1 was with her costume, a blazing beauty. She was not dressed for travel- ing, but perhaps she considered a ride of forty miles a mere trifle. She was at- tired atter the fashion of the senoritas I had seen promenading in the parks at the capital. Her hair was studded with fashing gems, and her dress was of some almost diaphanons material that seemed to gleam and shimmer with the pr smat- ic hues of the rainhow. She wore the inevitable black lace mantilla, which Iadies are seldom seen without in Span- ish-American countries, but if it was in- tended to effectually conceal her snowy shoulders it was a lamentable failure as a disgnise; as much so as the V-shaped bodice which was so liberally cut that I toand myself softly quoting: On her white breast a sparkling cross she wore, Which Jews might kiss and infidels adore, My fair companion was not long in telling me that she was returning from a brief visit to a sick relative. Beyond that she had little to reveal about herself. But she did not scruple to ask any num- ber of questions, Did I like Mexico? Was I traveling for business or pleasure? What did I think of the Mexican ladies? I answered all these questions, as I lazily and complacently watched the flut- tering fan with which this beautiful crea- ture appeared to do at least half her con- versation. In fact | grew unnecessarily communicative. 1mentioned my visit to Toboso, and told of my success in col- ing an old debt for which 1 was to ive a good fee. «*‘And the senoris not afraid of rob- bersy” hinted the senorita. “‘Weli, certainly not in_the daytime,’ [ replied. “I have a good seven-shooter, and with the driver to help me I ought to be able to hold my own.” *‘You Americans are so brav mured the senorita; ‘‘but the igands are very bold. T huve seen them in the suburbs of the capital.”” *‘Senorita,'’ [ answered, “look at this little toy, and tell me it a highwayman would care to face it.” I handed her :iny pistol, a weapon of the latest improved pattern. She exam- ined it with interest. “Let me lay it on the seat here, and concee: under my maatilla,” she sug- gested, “If we need it I can hand it to you quicker than you could draw it from your pocket.” As 1t was really a good idea, I con- sented readily. We did not suffer for topics of conver- sation; but this girl, made such a pretty picture in her strange costume that found suflicient entertainment in look- ing at her. I was just b i mit to myself that 1 was with her, when the diligen gave a lurch, and came to a full stop in durk and thickly-wooded place through which we were passing. “El Tornado!” shouted Gil Perez, ‘. Merciful saints!"’ cricd the senorita. Ifelt an uneasy thrill. El Tornado was the bravest and most desperate origand in that region. He had a short time before kidnapped a wealthy banker, and in default of " runsom had with his own hand blown brains, *Quick! My pistol?” I exclmmed, But a mysterious change had come over the scnorita. Before the word were out of m mouth she had thes weapon at full cock leveled at my head “Senor Amerieano,” she said, it s useless Lo resist, See!” A glance showed that I was helpless, Only four robbers were iu sight, but they ' mur- out the prisoner's werc four against one, to say nothing o the senorita. The men were all masked One held the horses of tho diligenci another stood guard over Gil Perez wa a pistol pointed at his head, while th¢ two others at either window of the coachy covered me with their weapons and ' do manded my valise. K ““The senor will hand it to you.” § Could that voice be the senorita's? Un. doubtedly it was,but 1t sounded strangely, With three revolvers focused on me within a few inches of my head, thcrq was nothing to do but to make the best of it. I quietly delivered the valise with its golden contents, The door was opened and the senorita was assisted oul by one of the brigands. She was instant) helped into a vacant saddle. and l-fi Tornado exchanged a few whispers with her. Thnen he turned to me, **Thanks, senor, for your attention te this lady. You carry with you our best wishes, Adios!” ‘*Adios, senor,” chimed in the lady, waving her hand. o I grumbled out an answer, and the flit- tle cavaleade spurred off at a gallop. Gil Perez was but of little comfor me. He crossed himself several times, and told me that [ was lucky in ¢sciping from El Tornado with my life. Then he swore at Sancho and Perdita, and lashed the horses until they dashed forward at the top of their speed. - One night a week after I wns coming out of the opera house with a friend, The president and a group of oflicials came along, and we made way for them. Sud- denly a face that once seen could never be forgotten, flashed before my eyes, Leaning on the arm of a distingunished- looking officer 1n a colonel’s uniform was the senorita, my own senorita! hat is the matter?asked my friend. “That woman!” I cried, ‘‘Who is she’ ‘“The Senora Alvarez,” answer. **And the man?" ‘“‘Her husband, Colonel Alvarez," “Taken back as I was, I thought of what was due to my friend. I told him the whole story. ‘I am sorry you have lost your senore ita,” he said, with a grim ‘smile, “but keep your discovery to yourself. [ have no doubt Alvarez does sometimes take a hand in_highway robbery under the name of El Tornado, and his wife helps him. She posted the g:\nf about your visit to Tohoso. Everything that oe- curred was prearranged. But you have, noremedy. Alvarez is an oflicer of high standing. 1f you make the charge that he is El Tornado you will be shot as sure as fate!” Other Americans took the same view, and, as my client showed no disposition to make a fight for the recovery of his money, 1 took my departure for the states without again sceing my senorita, was the quick e Worked Up Her Muscle. A lady who oncebought a big bustle To get it on had auite u tustle, She worked hard all the day, ‘Till the sun passed away, And at night she had quite & farge mu scle G to Heaven on a Slow Train San Francisco Chronicle: *‘Fall in, stranger, fall in!" shouted a Salvation Army leader, as he finished his exhorta- tion and shouldered his banner on the street corner the other evening. *‘Come along with me."” “‘Where are you going?"’ thoughtfully replied a sad looking on the curb- stone. *1I'm going to heaven,’ said the Salva. * i “I've been on the road nine ne years onthe ‘and huaven't arney etrect, v rive it un, pard,'” bystanders induiged in a rich baritune simile as the procession moved ol warbling that beautiful hymn, *We'll Get There All the Ssme.” . f yon've been il