Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, March 27, 1887, Page 10

P 10 FAIR FEMININITY'S FANCIES An Essay on Women Running in Debt, with Payments “Afar OR.” DRBESS, DESIRES, DEPORTMENT “Why are Weo the Weaker Bex?’— Professional Bea —Spi Hats — Journalistic Girls ~Women's Dolngs, Two Women, Life. Away from the footlights’ glare und heat, Slhe sits in her box in the dim-lit gloom; Her tender eyes like a child are sweet, And her face like fair wild rose in_bloom. About ber eddies a well dressed crowd With many an idle jest and speech ; Her laugh is merry, ner laugh is loud, She has something pleasant to say to each Near her there snores the lord of her He is old and portly and fond of sl Iie leaves his young ‘wife to play her part, Aud knows she will never go ‘in too deep, Proud is he of her youth and grace, He loves her next to his bonds and stocks; Beside his trotter shoe holds a place, Atter Lis gold her golden locks. Wandering over the flaming jets Of the golden horseshoe her proud glance goes, ‘Where a spangled danseuse pirouettes ‘While the merry music ebbs and flows. My llflg'srlmlca is stern and cold ; And half unconscious the blushes start, For here fs « woman, she has been told, ‘Who once reigned over her husband’s heart. The pretty danseuse about the wuic - Skips and ogles and shakes her locks; One reigning beauty and social rage Flirts on a8 actively in her box, She scorns the other with all her heart, ‘Though she never loved her lord 'tis true; Both sold themselves and both play a part— What Is the difference between the two? Running into Debt. The Queen: 1In spite of the healthier tone existing there is still too much in- difference to devt afloat, and among other reforms sorely needed is that of the public verdict on those who spend beyond their means to pay, and so make others suffer for their pleasures. In this we are sorry to say that women who ought to be the great torch-bearers of virtue and who in some directions as- sume to themselves that ofice, to the ab- solute extinction of men, are to the full as reprehensible as men, and perhaps more 8o. The curse of social emulation and personal jealousy lies heavily on them; and that terrible striving to ap- pear richer than they are, which racks sobriety from end toend, centers in them more than in men. Very few women who are not miserly are content to be simple—to live well within their means, having all things in harmony aud all things in sufficiency, those which are un- seen a8 well as those which are visible. Most of them refer a outside grandeur 'mg a skimped and dilapidated interior, so that the world to which they sacrifice shall commend and perhaps envy—seeing nothing of the flaws below the surface. What the family feels does not count; what the servants say is not heard; of sclf-respect there 15 no question; of the sentiment of thoroughness also is there none, The whole sirength of the man- agement goes to make a show—to have an occasional display—and the debt by which this is brought about troubles the conscience of the lady as little as the dis- comfort of her family disturbs her feel- ings. Her friends 'do such and such things in such and such a style; so must she. She rut.s her gelf-respect in emula- tion—not in sincerity. not in thorough- ness—and holds herself worthy of her position in proportion to the extent to which she spreads its pretenses and in- creases its fundamental rottenness. If she gives dinners she goes beyond her home powers, and has to borrow from the outside. A plain, well cooked, sim- ple and succulent repast, such as she could accomplish without aid, and such as would delight her guests, would be a confession of comparative poverty she could not be induced to make. Where- fore she spends more in a bad imitation of lirst-clnss cooking than her finances can properly afford, and goes into debt for the margin, What is true of housckeeping is truer still of personal expenses—the milliner's bill and the dressmaker’s ith the thousand little fads and fancies dear to the feminine mind and destructive to the feminne sense of honor. Some women havye neither conscience nor compassion —neither thought nor feeling for the poor creatures whom they mulct—the victims whom they cheat. " One runs up a bill with her laundress and quietly ruins a hurd-workinfi woman who has nothing but her own Iabor between her- self and starvation. But our fine lady, who does nothing more arduous than dress, paint her face, flirt, and dine out, uses her income on thin that show, an ignores those thatdo not. Henceshe runs into debt with her laundress, who dares not offend her for fear of losing every- thing— with her smaller trades-people and with her servants—but she pays large sums to the florist, who will not leave so much as a bunch of violets unpaid, to the 1 rlfc shops which demand cash down, and to the wine merchants whose orders are tlanked by a request for a check and not executed until the quid pro quo is re- mitted. A room like a tropical bower— & well-appointed carriage for her airings --wine of a fine brand for connoisseurs— these are of the first necessity to our svendthrift lady, who makes the little tradesfolk pay, now by their distress and now by their completed ruin, for the fineries which, according to her, are the ‘very sum and substance of her ladyhood. Ah, how many ruined homes and deso- lated lives these thoughtless, selfish, self- indulgent people have made! How the Dress is Swung. Paris Letter in the Chicago Herald: - A large grain of truth, wrapped up in non- sense, was the rep)y of a Chic girl while here to a Boston paper asking of her a fashion letter: ‘‘Dress,’ she wrote, “‘why, 1t all depends on the way you swing it.” This jeu d’ esprit went the rounds of the French press,and,although it was found an Americanism untranslat. able, nevertheless was it admitted that she had caught and caged the Par- isienne’s greatest charm. The English woman cannot ‘‘swing it at all, the American ‘‘swings it" pretty welf. but the swinging of a French woman is a poem, Girls in Journalistic Harness. We have in England, says a correspon- dent of the Queen, ladies en, aged in quite as extraorninary work on the press as any performed byiournnlln- in Amer- ica or elsewhere. For instance, in Chicago [the correspondent evidently means New York and Miss Morgan of the New York Times] a young Iady is daily employed as “live-stook reporter”; in England, however, [ find resident at New- castle-upon-Tyne quite if not more than the equal of the woman of New York as regurds the uncommon character of fem- mnine occupation in a young lady who earns a fair income as a writer for ship- ping and mariue engineering journals, I may add that this lady has boun writing n mmgmn a book of sailors’ songs. Cousn Jonathan is unquestionably be- fore us in point of the number of his Jady journahsts, but John Bull 1s not far behind if not before him 1in the unusual character of the literary work r by a woman, I think a young ady who is el in writing for ship- and marine engineering journals, being at work on a book of sail- ' songs, is & much more uncol for contemplation, nonon l: mn‘:ilt s e e raly’ would in ices of live res have a eattle or poultry, for the direct t must be bearing on the sums THE OMAHA DAILY BEE: SUNDAY MAROH 27, 1887.~TWELVE PAGES, paid in stocking the household Iarder with dead meat and birds; but a_young lady who can make herself sufficiently well acquainted with the mutifarious de- tails of shipping snd marine engineer- ing (most uncongenial feminine studies, I should imagine) a8 to be able to write mtelligently on those subjects excites one's wonder, even in these days when new flelds of employment for women are being constantly opened out. The Princess of Wales. London World: The princess of Wales, accompanied by her royal husband and eldest con, occupied a box at the Princess theater, an oavening or two ago, during a performance of Mr. Jones' “Noble Vag- abond.” It will seem strange to some American women to read that the wife of England’s future king and the mother of # boy who, in_ all probability, will also Wer the English_orown belore he dies, should have been attired “‘in a plain, white dross of simple tulle,” without jewelry or ornaments of any kind, yet that is exactly what she wore. It was noticed also that she did not sit in the most conspieuons spot the box afforded, but drew her chuir within the shadow of the curtains with which the royal box was hung, When she did lean forward once, not to be seen but to see, a mur- mur of admiration went up as her well- preserved face and form were recognized, which she acknowledged with a quick smile and a quicker return to her retired seat. ‘The vrince and his son wore the ordinary evening suits, with white ties and lavender gloves, and went out to- gether after the first act, presumably to see the same old man, The Fate of Professional Beauties. London Pall Mall Budget: Mrs, Lanfi; try, before she disappeared from Englis| society, had seen many other ladies raised by royal favor to the now extinct position of “‘professional beauty.” There 18 hardly one of these ladies whose fate is not worthy of commiseration and whose confessions would not be valuable. Their reigns terminated in various ways. One offended by observing that w certain waist was not as thin as formerly; an- other, that a certain head of hair was not as thick as of yore; a third, in a festive moment, poured a teaspoonful of ice cream down u royal shirt collar; a fourth falsely and wickedly stated to her friends that " a cerlain = bracelet was a royal gift, whereas in truth and n~ faot was bought out of the hard earnings of her husband's brain. The position of reigning favorite involved untold expenses, for to know the prince involved knowing his set, who were numerous and thirsty, and for whose accommodation 1n a house often of the tiniest the friends of a life time had perforce to be discarded. Fulsome was the adulation poured upon the beauty during her brief reign, and cruel were the slights and snubs put upon her when it ended, and when nothing remained to yemind her of it but shattered heaith, an alienated husband and an infuriated father-in-law. In such circumstances there is nothing for lovely women to_do but to go and winter on the Riviera. The future of such & fallen star is dark in- deed, unless, of course, her husband can secure election as member of parlia- ment, when she can get back wnto so- ciety by anotner door. A Popular Fallacy. Boston Courier: It is usually held that woman are the weaker and more delicate sex, but to one who considers the modern fashions of dress the proposition must appear at least open to grave doubts. When on a bitterly cold day a man wrapped in a voluminous and mighty ul- ster, with fur cap drawn over his ears, and thick gloves gets into a horse-car and sees sitting opposite a row of looking youn, ladies in close: gowns of which the sleeves are so tight as necessarily to impede if not wholly to stop circulation, and hats whose only aptitude is that of nifht perched jaun- tily on the top of the head, and no other protection to their small hands than the suggestion of kids, he must wonder how his neighbors manage to get on without freezing to death. "A man when he puts himself into the low-cut waistcoat pre- scribed by fashion for evening wear, compromises with extra underclothin for the unaccustomed thinness of his dress. His sister, frail and delicate crea- ture, wanders about drawing-rooms and unevenly heated parlors with neck and arms bear, and, instead of dying of pneumonia before morning, as in compli- ance with all physiological laws she ought to. do, suffers no inconvenience whatever. The truth is, that give a man anda woman equal health at the start, the former barely manages to keep himself alive and well by the most constant and careful Yrudn_ncn, while the latter disre- gards all hygienic rules with a boldness and consistency beautiful to behold, and comes out all the better for it. Ho has to protect his feet from the snow in his clumsy arctics, beneath which he wears the thickest of leather,she smilingly trips over the icy pavements 1 thin™ boots through which every shiver of the wind must be plainly felt'and she does it with perfect impunity. He shuns draughts and sudden changes as the only way of baflling the fiends of rheumatism lying always in wait for him; she dances unti she is in a glow and then saunters down some cool corridor or out upon a breezy piazza and no harm comesofit. He {inds in a thoughtful prudence and regu- larity the only means of versuading his stomach to leave him in _decent peace and tranquillity; she eats all sorts of odd and unexpected hours, gorges herself on unwholesome pastries and sweets, and in a green old ngo possesses still unimpaired the digestive force of an ostrich. The truth is that the idea of the fragil- ity of tho sex is one of those popular fallacies which should lunq ago have van- ished before the geueral diffusion of knowledge, but which persistently hold their own duspxto of eyerything. Spring Bonnets Scen at a Wedding. London Truth; There was such a very 'Er_uuy wedding at St. Paul's, Knights- ridge, on snurdnfi afternoon, that we did wish for you to be there to see it. The bride was Lady Adela Rous, and she looked charming in her marringe gown of white moire, with a small wreath of orange blossoms fastened on with mul- titudinous diamond stars, and a magnifi- cent bouquet of lilies and other white flowers. The bovquet, I am glad to say, was not cumbrously large, as some brides’ bouquets have been of late; and the arrangement of the lovely blooms was perfect. The train of the wedding dress was carried bytwo of the very tiniest pages 1 have ever seen. They were dressed in white satin. The brides- maids wore really tasteful dresses of some pale blue or eau-de-Nil material, relieved with brown velvet. Their hats high crowns of either straw or brown velvet, but the brims were blue. Their bouquets were azaleas, in_lovely tones of ink and coral intermingled. This attire ooked warm and comfortable. Ialways think that white or cream colored dresses for bridesmaids look cold and chilling at :ny time, save summer and early au- umn., I have never seon such bonnets as those worn by the smart people in the congregation. One lady appeared in a very spring-like bonnet of white straw, trimmed with a high buuch of Naples violets. A hrfie cluster of similar flow- ers was tucked in the m of her dark hallouo‘;:wulm bodice. A necklet of cut amber lay upon folds of white lace, which came down in points upon the somber velvet. The ear-rings were ame- thysts, just a little too blue in tone to assort onmlorhb’lfl‘wlth the pale manve of the violets, is lady carried a de- licious little wrap made of tiger-skin— just the sort of Zdu that onl{nurs wealthy wornan buy, for it coul not possibly be worn more than half a dozen times during the year, belng too conspicuous. OA handsome brunette had a ruby vel- vet jacket, quite tight-fitting, edged with beaver. Her bonnet was red and sv was her gown, but the former was yelvet, the latter silk. A tall and splendid blonde, with glorious coils of pale brown glossy hair, "wore a bodice and overdress of putty colored ottoman over a skirt and vlastron of brightly striped silk. The collar and cuffs were of the stripes. The small bonnet was embroidered and edged with a'flaff of silk chenille, just a shade darker and a tone richer than the putty tint of the silk. It was trimmed with & group of red roses and poppies. The car-rings were very long and very old- fashioned, but they were of diamonds and pearls of the rarest. A short ruby velvet mantle, trimmed with sabie tails, just matehed the flowers in the bonnet. Two_ sisters in half-mourning were beaatifully dressed, one in black velvet, trimmed with chinchilla, and bonnet to match; the other also in black velvet, with trimmings of rich, finely cut steel. A handgome but morose looking woman had no less than three diamond stars in her bonnet strings. A blonde who was resent had something black in her hair. We could not make out what 1t was, so decided that she had trufiled her hair as a refreshing novelty. A Woman Who Has Won Her Way. Albany Journal: Miss Mary Booth is suid to be going abroad for rest, and one of the papers, in commenting upon i calls_her *‘the septuagenarian editor of the Harper's Fashion Weckly.” Miss Booth is no lon€er young, but'I doubt if she is sixty, and she s well preservvd for her age, retains her thick, gray hair, strong, sound teeth and hep erect figure. Every morning enrly, shat is, early for a Jjournalist—say 10 o’clock or thereabouts —she arrives at the little den where her work is done in the Franklin Square building, and is steadily at her desk until 4. She seems to have no assistunts. For twenty-five years she hasbean the ‘‘trans- lator in ordinary” for the Harpers, and for twelve years the editor of the Bazar. What Women Are Dolng. In Milwaukee county, Wisconsin, 8,000 women pay taxes on §4,500,000. The number of women employed as [;engnllgn ofticials in England 18 stated to 0 318, Miss Ethel Dickens, granddaughter of Charles Dickens, has started a typewrit- +ing office for the copnying of purts and prompt books. In the new university of California, built by Leland Stanford, women are to share the benetits of every department equally with men, Miss Hewitt, daughter of Mayor Hew- itt, of New York, is said to have intro- duced the fashion among girls of having mastiffs and other large dogs as pets. In the Curzon street office of the Lon- don & Northwestern railroad company about twenty female clerks are emploved 'tl"huy are said to give every satisfuc- ion. Missionary work seems popular just now among educated young women. Eight Wellesley collage students recently signified their preference for this field of usefulness. Mme. Di Cesnola js recerving much en- couragement in her scheme to support and educate the Italian orphan girls, and especially to make good house servants of them.”_Thereare 40,000 Italian immi- grauts in New York City. Mme. Provost-Pousin, who obtained the first prize in comedy at Paris conser- vatoire in 1860, has left a sum of money to this institution to found an annual rize. The prize which will be called rix-Pousin 1s to be awarded to the most deserving female student of declamation. Mme. Zieger, better known as Alboni, is living yet andsinging at sixty-two as grandly as ever. Italy is to have a new review, given exclusively to the discussion of feminine interests. Fanny Zampini Salazaro is to be the editor of this periodical. Miss Mary A. Livermore proves that there are no superfluous women by the statement that there are now 227 voca- tions open to women, as against seven at the beginning of the eentury. A California woman owns and runsthe factory which makes nine-tenths of the orange boxes for the Pacific coast. She invented the box while trying to make a cradle for her baby. Miss Alcard, of London, entered a convent twenty years ago and gave to the sisterhood 'her property, which was worth $40,000. Becoming dissatisfied with the rigorous penaunces inflicted on her during thirteen years, she left the convent and brought suit for restitution of partof the money. 'I'he suit has just been decided against her, o e EDUCATIONAL. A new American college is talked of ia Rome. Evelyn College is the name of the new in- stitution for women at Princeton. There were 4,024 graduates of the Chau- tauqua Library and Seientific eircle in 1836, The Pratt institute in Brooklyn, N, Y., will be the largest industrial school in the world. Plans are being discussed for a now athle- tic association in Boston to consist of 1,000 members, Mr. Ross of Montreal, has given $400,000 for founding a college in that city for the higher education of women. Dr. Wilham Hammond will open the April Popular Scientific Monthly with an article on “Brain-Foreing in Childhood.” Chief Justice Waite and Senator Evarts will attend tho fiftieth anniversary of the graduation of their class at Yale this year. Dr, Chapin of Beloit college who resigned last year, was the oldest college president in continuous service In the United States. The University of Bologna has decided to celebrated its 500th anniversary in the spring of 1888, The exact date of its” foundation is not known. General Francis A. Walker and others are giving the Yale students a series of valuable lectures on political topies from a business pointof view. Professor Goodwin of Harvard was inter- ested to see at Olympia, in Greece, where the Olympian games used to be played, some human bones excavated from the ruins and inclosed in kerosene oil cans, each of which was labelled “Philadelphia.” The schools of Connecticut produce more each year in cash returns than all her man- ufactured An educated Connecticut boy is worth «nnually to the country $10,000, An uneducated boy is a drag upon the pros- rflly of the community to the amount of from $10,000 to $20,000 each year, It s sald that Alice Longfellow is regarded with a degree of love and regard amounting almost to reverence by the students of the Harvard annex. Miss Longfellow is one of the ofticers of the mletx for the collexiate instruction of women and is often at the an- nex bwlding in Cambridge. A gentleman of an investigating turn of mind has taken the trouble to ascertain ac- curately how many davs the children of Mexico lost from school during 1856, Here is the result: 52 Sundays, 26 Saturdays, 4 na- tional feast days, 45 days of vucativn, and 50 Catholic holidays—making a total of 177 days, and leaving only 188 school days. ‘T'he state of California has spent $230,000 for type and presses for the printing of text books to be supplied to the public schools, and she is wari that her ~experience is &uluzw ba a costly one. That may be, but in razil books for the publicschools are bought ublic money, and much as the people complain of corruption in the government in other respects no one complains of it in the purcnase of the gchool books, ———— Must Not be Disturbed in Lent. Pittsburg Dispatch: Melissa. ‘‘Mad- ame. Madame. ‘‘What is it, Melissa?” Melissa. ‘‘Madame, there is a poor man at the door who says he is out of work and has a large family who depend upon for support and have nothing to eat. He wants employ—" Madame. ‘'Do tell him to Melissa. I am keeping Len nu,nrl and tations must rrupted.” i f“ away, and my not be in- SOME JOURNALISTIC JORINGS. Humorists Who Give a Bright Ooloring to / Lenten Sack-Oloth. SOME SOLEMN SEASON SMILES, Method in Her Madness—A Oandid Legisiator—Cardinal Gibbons Taken Back—Hits in Rhymo and Prose. A Method in 1t Merchant Traveler. 1n all citetes of society, wherever you may go, You will find you can't judge people simply by their outward show. There are moods and manners suitable in every time and place, And smiles oft times to perfidy their origin can trace, ‘The half-mad poet makes his line show either joy or sadness, According to the people's will; there's method in his madness. % The statesman erstwhile so reserved,so digni- fied and grand, Surprises his poor neighbor as he grasps him the hand, And wishes him good day and asks in sym- pathetic mood How business is,and if hisown and family’s health is gooa. He seems insane; but then election time, which griet or gladness ‘Will bring to him, s close at hand: there’s method in his madness. When your wife employs a cross-eyed girl whose talent is to shirk, Who takes four afternoons a week and never does her work ; ‘Whotalks back constantly,and her dire clatter will not cease; Who wears an apron spotted o’er with stains . of dirt and grease; Whose grammar is distinguished by its most surprising badnsss, You may think your wife is crazy, But there’s method in her madness. Nor Invested. Wall Street News: He had been court- ing her for six months without coming to the point, when she turned on him one eyening with: “Charles, isn’t it awful for a girl like me to have to worry over how I shail in- 0007 ught it wi and three months later they were married. “T'll invest that $75,000 for you daar,” he observed a day or two after mar- riage. *0h, I was afraid some ond might love me for my money,and Igave it to papa,” was the artless reply. She Would Risk It. Detroit Free Press: “I came down heve to %0 out on the Lansing train,” she said to Officer Button at the Third street depot chterdn,v morning, as she held a satchel in one hand and an umbrella in the other. “Yes'm—train minutes,” ‘‘How are the stove: the cars?" “‘Perfectly safe, ma’m. All the carson }‘h:\! road can roll over twice and not take ire.” *‘Bridges all safe?" “Entirely so. The bridge inspector has just finished his trip.” “‘Don’t the rails ever spread on that road?” “*Never.” “‘How is 1t about collisions?'’ “They don’t have any."” ‘‘Any chance for some other run into therear end of ours?'’ “‘Not u bit.” “Well, 1 don’t know but I'll take the risks and go, but 1 want you to under- stand that if anything does happen by which 1 am kiiled oft iny old man won't take a cent less than §2,000, and mebbee he’ll want the burial expenses to boot.” goes in thirteen train Lo How Frenchmen Drink. Philadelphia Times: A little man,witha bald spot on the back of his head, and a big man, with a large nose and a_smooth face, were socially discussing u dozen of beer in restaurant the other night. After finishing his beer the little man called for a cup of coffee and a pony brandy. In response to the inquiring look of the big n¥an he said: “In Paree ve olaway drink cof-fee after liquor. Ze cof-fea settle ze stom:ach, ze brandee ab- sorb ze poison in ze cof-fee, and ve burn ze brandeé to destroy ze poison in ze brandee. Zen vedrink ze cof-fee and ze brandee and feel just lofely.” 4 “‘Ha-ha!" said the big man, tapping his nose significantly with his finger. “Dat vas sehr goot; I dry 'him. But not dis dime; 1 feel lofely enough mitout him.”” The big man was Herr Hubert Wilke, the star of ‘‘Rat-cather,”’ and the little man was the great Imre Kiralfy. The Song of the Grocer. “Oh teas me not,” the maiden cried, “Such things I do aespice, I wish {ou really would be weigh, And from your knees would rise.” “1 cannot help this coffee said, For you have chilled me through, ‘Though you to me have given the sack, No fairer flour e'er grow.” “This soap hab slipped away from me, That I can call you mine; But if the barrel be removed Please drop to me a line. “1'd scale the highest grade tor you, Or grind my way 80 fine; ‘Whatever elsa gots mixed, vou'll see My heart will round you twine. 1 shall not strlve you to appeas, Though this is butter blow, 1 still must think what might have been Had you not said me no.” Good Joke on Cardinal Gibbons. New York Standard: Father Carroll, of St. Francis Xavier's church, m this city, tells how, instructing some colored Maryland children in their catechism, he explained the function of a bishop by call- g the attention of the children to a flock of wild geese tlying overhead—- one to whom he compared the bishop, ‘‘the leader of his flock,’’ at the head. Shortly afterward Archbishop Gibbons paid the school a visit and proceeding to exanino them in their catechism, asked: “‘What is a bishop?’ There was a pause for an instant, and then an ebony midget shot up his hand and said: “I know, I know." “That's well m% bishop Gibbo! " bishop.” i ‘‘He's,” answered the ardent youth, with a zest that betokened the confldence of superior wisdom, ‘‘the old gander th_t shows the rest of the geese how to ly. child,”” said Arch- ow tell us what isa Unconsolable, Boston Courier: “‘Don't take on so, my dear,” said a sympathising friend to & young widow who had just buried her husband; *‘you will get over it by and by. Why, you will come to look upon your loss in time with resignation, and marry again.” 3 “‘Marry again!” exclaimed the beauti- ful bereaved, with a shower of unllinnm tears; “Never! never! at least not for a year.” An Auctioneer's Repartee. Wilkesbarre Record: It was an art auction sale in this city the other even- ing. A well known ‘“‘sassiety " man, somewhat under the influence of the rosy, stumbled in. ‘He edgo his way forward and by dint of hard pushing managed to elbow his way to the very front. Thore hesiood critically examin- ing the picture then up for sale, and turning around jmpudently looked the suctioneer straight m the nere and reach- 1ng up lit his cigar stump al the reflector in direct violation of the sign “no smok- ing," after which hé ne; mnfly threw his' rumpled form in the chair, and haughtily commanded the auctioneer to ut "'up something he liked.” “Can’t d fi. my dear sir,’" politely answered th: mtleman, ‘‘we don't keep it, but {on‘l d it on tap next door,” and the fangh that went up was broad and mighty but our intoxicated triend did not join in and ‘was silent 08 & clam the balance of the evening. Two Pair Should Win, She~'‘Where are yon going, Charley?" He—""Going to the theatre.” She—‘"Hh! L understand. The ballet. But wh; don't you go to the dog show instead? think you will like it ever 80 much better. The dogs, you know, have four; twice as as many each as the 'bailet dancers.” Possible and Impossible. Cedar Rapids Gossiv. wake a friond look weary, if you say to him, “What's New?” drive folks from the parlor by a-warbling *“‘Peek-a-boo; " star it as_an actor, If like Don- ovan {ou jumfi, run a big milk dalry with a simple water pump. You can [ always be thought funny when you ring a chestnut bell, make it any warmer by the oath ; I8 cold (V) as”—well; pass your S-cent pieces off as dimes in buying beers— write such “rot’* as this, if you try a thousand years. In the Cool C: ‘The cool conservatory, A face for song or story, And halr a golden glory, We two. Eyes blue as amethyst is, hLere now a tender mist is, How seet the hand I kissed is? Wee, too. Ah, life is filled completely, When to my question, neatly Proposed, she answered sweetly, “Oui” to. You can't rVAtory, Didn't Want to be Hard Upon Him, New York Mail: The other morning Chief Judge Clement, of the city court, gave judgment for ubsolute divorce to Anna Louisa Tice against Leon Tice. Mrs. Tice 18 a very sweet lady of about twenty-five, “How much alimony do you want?” asked the court. A dollar a week,” was the answer. “Why, that's very small,” said the court. “What’s your husband’s busi- ness?’ ‘He's & physician, sir.” ‘‘He can afford to pay you more than a dollar a week, " “*Oh, but he's only a young physician with a small practice.” “I think $5 a week would be fair,”said counsel. “I would have given her $10,” said the court; “‘make it $5, however.” Spring Poetry. A Washington poet writes: On every tree a warbling Gabriel sits, And sounds its trumpet in the sunborn hours, Down tnmug‘h the portals of their winter m ‘The notes of resurrection to the flow- ers. A more accurate poet, however, was the bard who wrote: ‘The first bird of spring Attempted to sing; But ere he had sounded a note, ‘He fell from the limb; lead bird was him— The music had friz in his throat, Southern Solons, Arkansaw Traveler: Member from Sandstone Knob—*Mr. Speaker, I hope sir, that you will let me have a few min- utes time in which to place myself square on the record. Yesterday evening Mr, Buckley Brown from Gum Bottoms, said that 1 had accepted the present of a new hat from a railroad superintendent, and hinted, in a way inclined to sting a sen- sitive man, that I had practically sold myself. I should like to know if there is anything in our constitution that pre- vents a man from accepting presents. I say there is not, and sir, when our con- stitution arises and says that Ishan’t tuke everything that is given to me, then I will say. ‘Mr. Constitution atttend to your own affairs.’ Mr. Speaker, I am a present taker, and as an encouragement to those who may con- template giying jme something, let me say that my capacity for taking pres- ents, although well developed, has not been overtaxed. 1 may also say that the man who won't take a hat and thereby save himself the expense of buying one is composed of a mixture of fool, liar and a thiet. ['d be afraid to meetsuch a man away out in the woods. I would feel sure that he would knock me down and rob me. I know of an affair in my county that strongly illustrates the dishonesty of men who are afraid to uocew’presmm. A red-bearded fellow named Watson went to work for old man Clark, and made nimself so useful that Clark, who well knew how to appreciate merit, went to him and said: *“‘Watson, 1 never had a man that 1 think more of than I do you.’ *“‘Much obliged to you," replied Wat- son. *‘And I have decided,” Clark con- tinued, ‘to give you my daughter, Lorena.’ ; “ ‘Much obliged to you,’ said Watson, ‘but I ain’t acceptin’ any presents.’ “‘Well, Mr. Speaker, that raan was so honest that he would not accept the daughter ns a present, but the next day heran away with Clark’s wite. Since then I have been extremely suspicious of men who are too high toned to accept presents, and to keep other fair-minded men from suspecting me. I have de- termined to refuse nothing." S?JACOBS O], FOR RHEUMATISM. W9~ After a lapse of years statements conflrming the eficucy of Bt Jacobs Oil and s permanent cures, are given below, ¥rom anIndian Missionary, March, 1883 Bt Alphonsus Church, Gle Falls, N, Y, 'ain kopt in bed by rheumatism, crip- pled, and am trying Kt. Jacobs Oil. Oue single ap) lh:ll'lllfin‘(‘l“d the pain and gave rtable sleep. e oo R Y. L . S7. ONGE, P. P Yoars Later—Permanently Cured. From Same & JoarS L, e ek, o, 15 Everything Miled to relieve me until T tried St. Jacobs OIl. One application is suficient to stop pain in ten minutes; & e h" applcations reducod theswelling 2 iy Jol cured me. b REV. L. N, £7. ONGE, P. P, From a Leading Lawyer—Apri, 1882—Cured. ‘The statement of David Strouse, .-lwnm rers in substance: ©Oil and oblained & cure.” From Same 4 Years Later—Pormanenat, New Haven, Ct., Nov, 1, 1886, 1 had severe rheumat{smn,which disabled me and one bottie of St. Jacobs Oil cured me. 1 consider it & good thing | PAVID STROUSE. melike a "lli:l. 1 used l'fili) bottles of Bt. a0 now well as ever. AN A JOMN FIELD, From Same 4 Years Later—No Return, Snyder Co., Penna., Nov., 5, 1886, e ais a1sd 1iba wCro eontraciad hd swoflen. Two bottles of 5t. Jacobs en- tirely eradicated the diseasc. To-daylam it haarty man, © “*JORN FIELD. THE CHARLES A. VOGELER CO., M“fl.fl..-l‘& &ar All persons viNa S, Jacode OU o -1 ki e, vebeie ABVICE EaRE, iy b B Rl Moline, Milburn & Stoddard Co., WHOLESALE DEALERS IN AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS OF ALL KIND§ Buggies, Fanning Mills, Also Special Road Carts, Corn Shellers, STOVER TRIPLE-GEARED FEED MILLS Inducements on BINTDIATS T RIIITE. Prices and Terms Fu Corner Ninth and Pacific Streets, Omaha, Neb rnished on Application, XCALL AT ONCE X And We Can Tell You Something Interesting abont Spring QOvercoats. * OMAHA HEICHTS BEATS THEM ALL More attractions and less objections than any other addition. The grand view of these heights from Paxton Block, Omaha's business center, is unequalled. Property well bought is twice sold. The northhalf of thisaddition is now platted and will be sold at prices which' challenge competition, considering loca- tion and general surroundings. [\] Q\W\A HE B - o160ACRES o™ FORMERLY BELONGED TO > KO ( ) ALVI P.C.HIMEBAUGH, NT ~ ) b— SAUNDERS, ARTHUR REMINGTO s ( OMAHA ? REMIN X For Sale by ] ON, REAL ESTATE&TRUSTC® GTON&MECORMICK, CLARKSONEBEATTY. MORSE& BRUNNER . The south half will be platted so soon as railroad line, depot grounds, and a bus. iness center and grounds for several large out to accommodate all. manufactories can be determined and laid No pains will be spared to make this large, fine addition a success, LOTS 250 TO Ong-fifth down. balance easy payments. the Heights from city, and the city from t of ground with railroad facilities and runni 500 DOLLARS; To appreciate this addition you must view he Heights, Special inducements in price ing water to manufacturing enterprises. —=HILL & YOUNG=—" 1213 Farnam Street. FURNITURE, CARPETS, - STOVES, House Furnishing Goods. e ———— TS ——— NO BLANKS. BIG PRIZES OR RE\WWARDS! One Million Distributed Every HE ACCUMULATED INTERE ST MONEY Year DIVIDED AMONG A FEW LUCKY BOX MOLDERS EVERY 3 MONTHS. Only $2.00 required to secure one Royal pnucipn’te in "‘Lu. drawin, ever, until the year 1044, Prizes of ear ,000,000 1.0{'1).000. 520,000, 250,000, &c. francs will be Italian 100 francs gold bond. These bonds and retain their original value drawn, besides the certainty of receiving back 100 francs in gold, you may win 4 times Vel s 8 ate, and the bost, investment ever o afe, a . i D! 'M’llhbuflflumll'.'llu Bond for clroulars &4 it will ffered, he invested money ‘must be paid baolg oe sat Yo orders wilh oty PRY ¥ or registered letter, or postal notes, and in roturn we will forward the documenta. BERLIN BANK G CO., 305 Broadway, New York City. N. B, These bonds are not lottery tickets, and their sale is legally permitted in the U, S. by law of 1878, » §