Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, March 13, 1887, Page 10

THE OMAHA DAfl'fl' BEE: SUNDAY. MARCH 13, 1887.~“TWELVE PAGES AN APPLIED ASTRONONY.” Belections From the Witty Writers in the Journalistio Rankes STROLLING OUT TO SEE STARS Bills Paid and Unpaid—Mr. Cohen Understood his Business — He Couldn't Write—Points on Lent—A Mule Iltem. Applied Astronomy. Esther B. Tiffany, in the Century, Tle took me out to see the stars, ‘I'hat astronomic bore He said there were two moons near Mars, While Jupiter had four. I thought of course he'd whisper soon What fourfold bliss 'twould be To stroll beneath that fourfold moon On Jupiter with me, B And when he spoke of Saturn’s ring, I was convineed he'd say That was the very kind of thing “T'o offer me some day. But in a tangent off he went To double stars. Now that ‘Was most suggestive, so content And quite absorbed I sat. But no, he talked a dreary mess, Of which the only fraction That caught my faucy, I confess Was “mutual attra L 1 said 1 thought it very queer And stupid altogether, For stars to keep so very near, And yet not come together. At that he smiled and turned his head; 1 tlm\l;fm he'd caught the notion. e merely bowed good-night and sald Their safety lay 1n motion. Paying Off a Bill. Detroit Free Press: A woman who was owing her grocer $16 was at the Third street depot yesterday to take a train out of town. "He heard that she was going away and made all haste wn there totry and collect the bill e found her calmly waiting on a seat, and approached herin a lluil)t manner. 41 shun’t pay,” she boldly replied. #*RBut, madam, you had the goods.” *“That doesn’t make uny difference.” ‘U don’t like to proceed to extreme measures, madam.’” “Now, look here,” she said as she wheeled around at him, ‘i you don’t get up and skip I'll eall out that you are my divorced husband and trying to rob me of part of my money. There are 200 peo- ple in this room, and a policeman at the door, and there is a reporter talking to the ticket agent. Just imagine the sen- sation.”” “I can, madam,” “And you want those $162" “Oh, no, madam. I'll be only too hnpfiy to make you a present of the bill. ‘Wish youa happy journey, and if you should return to Detroit please favor me with your patronage. Good day, madam." At the Mount Sinal Poker Club, New York Sun: It is Mr. Blumenthal’s deal, and Mr. Cohen polishes his glasses hurriedly with a view to making a care- ful survey of the shuffla. Mr. Blumenthal's friend, Mr. Dinkel- stein, considers it an appropriate occa- sion for a remark: “Mister Cohen, I heart you vas a goot chudeh of dinmonds. Vill you kindly Jook ;at dis chenuine blue-vite, seffen- carat—" “Oxguse me,” replies Mr. Cohen with- out removing his eyes from the pack, “'I Elfl'u no addention to diamonds on hakey Blumenthal’s deal. 1vas lookin’ fog glubs.” Chestnuts Set to Rhyme. AllantaConstitution, Oh, what makes the chimney sweep? And why did the codfish ball? And why, oh, why did the peanut stand? And what inakes the evening csll? Oh, why should the baby farm? And why does the mutton chop? Can you tell me what makes the elder blow? Or’'what makes the ginger pop? SIK' ‘why does the terrible bed spring? nd why does the saddle horse tly? Or what does make the pillow slip? And why do the soap boilers lye? ‘What made the monkey wrencl Or why should the old mill dam' And who did the shoemaker strike? Or why did the raspberry jam? Oh, why should a tree bark? And what miakes the wind how!? Can yon tell me what makes the snowball? Or'what makes & chimney foul? It Wasn't Paid. Wall Street News: A New York drum- mer was telling some chance acquain- tances in an Indiana town about a man- ufacturing compuny having declared a dividend of thirty per cent. last year, ‘when one of the men proudly responded: “Why sir, we can beat that right here in this hittle town. 1'm president of a plow company which declared a dividend of forty per cent. lust year.” “And the dividend was paid?" 4Ot course not. You know how those things go. 1t was to raise our commer- cial rating. of course.” Bergh's Man and the Mule. Burdette: The little brindle mule in the nigh lead slipped on the icy pave- ment, and Mr. Bergh's best man was on thespot. “‘Take that mule and have him lhnr;'mnod before you take him another foot.” ‘‘He is sharpened,” said the driver, ‘‘rougher than a file. Look at them hind shoes—corks on’em that 'ud ‘wedge a hole through an ice house.” The oflicer lifted a hoof to see, and straight- way looked over the top of a four-story building. Buzzingly ran the word throug| the telephone, “‘One of your men has been nearly killed by a mule.” Tenderly back came the muflled order, “‘See if the mule 18 hurt, and if it is, arrest the man."” Too Soon. One of the party had been telling how a certain rich silver mine had been dis- covered—by a prospector shooting at a man and elupping a piece of rich ore off a clift—when an old fellow in the corner observed: “Icame within an ace of finding a mine just that way.”* “How did you miss?" “Why, the man I shot at turned round and put two bullets into me, and before I got out again the mine was dis- covered.” She Was Weary. James Payne, the novelist, in his novel, ‘“‘Thicker Than Water,” quotes one of the most pathetic and expressive bits in the world:— Here lles an old woman who always was For she lived in a house where no servants hired, was hi Aud her last words on earth were, “Dear friends, I am going ‘Where no washing is done, nor churning nor sewing; Where all thiigs will bo just exact fo my A 08, For where there's no eating there is no wash- of dish in| shes. r belrlviem loud anthems forever are ring- 3 But, having no volce, I'll be quit of the sing- Don't mourn for me now, and mourn for me never, For I'm goingto o nothing for ever and ever.’, He Could Write. Detroit Free Press: This is the way he told it at police headquarters the other day: ‘!Vhell. 1 vhas in mine place, you know, und a feller comes in and says: “‘Mister Blank, I make a bet aboudt you shust ~ ow.’ 'Vhas dot so?’ ‘Yes; [ make a bet dot you can write your name.’ **‘Of course I can write my name! Does somupody take me for a fool? * Vhell, you put him down on di ploce of up?’“ und I make fife dollar.’ “Vhell, I'write name on his paper und he goes ot und I doan see him any more. Yesterday I get some notice from & bank dot a note for feefty dollar vhas due. I comes down town und finds a note mit my name on der back. It vhas [it ‘\I}l“m" on which [ wrote my name." “Vhell, dot vhas all, oxcept dot I vhas a fool, und if you catch him [ geef one lioonered dollar to keep my name oudt of der papers.”’ “Tuarn Over." The “funny man” we do dotest *puaY 19y U0 puwms 03 P OYs J1 Who aims at us his ancient jest— SMOIAUI0S 31 18 197 PAUS MAUY DAL A joke (?) so aged, stale, and hoary— —pvar Apvaafe s,eus wood S|LL, The same old weary, dreary story Sy v 01 §1U00 UM 199 11,08 MON Of how we curious daughters of kEve “MOUS U 30 puiy 15ea[ oy s394 oy J7 (Though this latter fact we dee; grieve) AOIUIOS 10 31 PuTl 1101 300 NS g Must stand on our heads a point to tind Mouy 03 301 yAno oye B|aIOE sa1 In these comical (?) lines from the “funny man's mind. ‘uvuiom ¥ SalLI0M FupmAus sa101 J1 —Lent. Somno 1 —Lent——I VA ¢ mugwump. —The nsurer’s money, ——Iinglish scandals. ~1 told you so.” The spring onion. The baggage man. - Si Re Suceu Condo —Lent —Lent do —Lent True(k)u—Lent I8 IT SENSE OR NONSENSE? Written for the Bee by Willium . Patmer. ‘That is, at least, a plausible proposition of Robert Burns, that “what is no sense is nonsense.” It is a dictum, however, which, as we shall see, has often been violently contested. One might say that to deny such uan apparently obvioustruth would be proof of insanity; but we must bear in mind that there 1s pretty good authority for saying that no man is en- tirely sane on all subjects. Reputable writers have held thav the pyramids of Egypt were the productions of nature; and no less a man than Alexander Von Humboldt once wrote an essay with the express purpose of disproving this no- tion. Even in our own time a well-known professor in a Scottish university has published a book to show that one of i)ymmids was built by divine inspiration. t will be no wonder, therefore, if at some future day there shall be learnea works written to show that the ocean cables ‘‘growed”—lke Topsy—-""growed"" as the nerves do in the human body. Well, now, quite as extravagant things have been ,mu;iht in regard to chri 1ty as in regard to pyramids. Perfectly pyramidal absurdi have often been stoutly maintained by very learned men. And these absurdities have been muc more numerous than the actual absurdi- ties about those Egyptian stone piles,and than the possible absurdities about_the cables being terrestrial nerves. That Fw“' good man, John Calvin, whom a arge part of the christian world swear by, and another large part swear at, taught as an integral part of christian- ity, that the Creator ‘‘sends one to heaven and ten to hell, all tor His glory, and not for any good or 11l they’'ve done before Him,” ~That transcendant man, Pascal, whom, for s clear perceptions, all' the world honors, says that nothing can ‘‘be more contrary to the rules of our miscraple justice than to damn eternally a child born now for a crime committed six thousand years be- fore it came into being.”” And yet Pas- cepts as a part of christianity th doctrine that the children born at this day are justly punishable tor Adam's si and says that ‘“without this incompri hensible mystery we are incomprehe ble to ourselves.”” That other wonde ful man, Martin Luther, who hated the devil so tlercely that he not only con- stantly wrote against Lim with all his mught, but actually threw his inkstand, ink and all, at him, used to say that if any man had believed in Jesus Christ he would certainly be saved ‘‘though he should commit adultery and murder ten thousand times a da; and this doctrine he declared was the corner-stone of christianity. These are only a few specimens out of the hundreds that might be given. A result of these teachings is, that a great many people say, and I suppose, think that christinnity is nonsense. Thisisa question worth looking at. For, if christiamty is the shipwreck of reason and common sense—as well as an in- centive to immorality, as Martin Luther would seem to make it—the farther we keep from it the better. Because, few of us have any sense we can afford to throw away, and fewer any morality to spare. Now, for myself, in connection with this matter, I "have great faith in two things—in the solid, practical, common sense of the great mass of my feilow men, and in the solid, practical, sense of christianity, as its great author himself taught it. Surely it is but fair to let the Christ himself define what christianity1s. And surely it is not fair to allow men to pile up mountains of rubbish— the rubbish produced by con- tending factions —on the top of the great gospel, and then to say, because the eyerlying rubbish is rubbish, that the underlying gospel of humanity is rubbish too. The greatest teacher the world ever had—the teacher sent from God—has some rights which we, common, strug- gling, suffering, hoping, fearing, men are bound to respect, Let us, then, per- mit Him to say what He means, and if His meaning seems to us, like Himself, “full of grace and truth,” let us take it for what we can see it to be—take it upon 1ts own merits, and give to the Great Master the credit which we can see is His due. If any man, or set of men, for- bid us to use this method of reason and fairness, and insist that we shall take their doctrines, or their authorit; can make two easy and suflicient replies. We can say, that the Christ, recogniz- ing our mtellectual liberty, tells us to “'eall no man master” on earth. And we can say that he denounced as vicions the practice of ‘“‘teaching for doctrines thecommandments of men.” And we can emphasize all this by citing the notorious fact that the ecclesiastica! in- stitution of His time called Him blasphe- mer, Sabbath breaker and devil; apd fin- ally put him to death because He woula not obey its dictation, but persisted in proclaiming that on earth there was nothing sacred but man; that Sabbaths and ecclesiastical institutions and every- thing else were of no value save as they ministered to the welfare and upbuidling of men, women and children. He insisted that man was God's child and that the world was the primary training school— the first grade—for the divine offspring, and that uver{lhmg. family, state,churcn every institution ot every sort must find the justification for its existence 1n its usefulness to mau. He even went farther than this, and declareda that men themselves were to judge of the useful- ness—the rightfulness of the institutions and the teachings of their times. His words to men which the authorities of the world have been very slow to hear and heed, are: “Why, even of yourselves, 1ugixo ye not what is right.” " This is a air and open appeal to common sense— the common sense of all of us common men, to decide for ourselves, in the freest use of our faculties, both upon the merits of His teachings, and upon the merits or demerits of evsrythmg on esrth. And His greatest apostle, St. Paul, gives this advice to the disciples of Jesus Christ in His time: ‘“Test all things; hold fast that which is good.” Men sometimes suppose christianity to be nonsense, because they have got the idea from some bad specimens of so- called christians, that christianity re- quires men to be sad-faced, melancholy, ascetic, monkish, unhuman. Well, such things have been often tanght in the name of the at Christ, just as all other absnrdities have. But 'if anything is clear in this world, it is the fact that christinnity, as it came in words from the lips of Christ, was the same as came in deeds from the life of Christ. And His life was such & natural human life, full of easy .fir:\rn, as well as of purity and power—like God's sun- shine, cheering all, and like God's rain- fall, distilling upon all—that tue institu- tional teachers of His time,who had their own axes to grind and He would not turn the stone for them, ealled Him not only “Sabbath breaker’’ but ‘*‘blas. phemer.” “wine bibber’ and “friend of publicans and harlots.”” ‘This could not have been said of one who was author of monasticism, or who proved of any of the harmless activities and habits ot life. Why, it was the Great Master himself who condemmned those who made prayers in public places in order to seem religicus; and it was He who censured the men who ‘disfigured their faces" that they might appear pious. That which He taught by pre- cept and example was a large, gener trathful, patient, magna pure and powerful human life. flort by word and deed was to make men more manly, and women more womanly, and both men and women more joyous. ; Now, instead of this view, which any one who will take the pains to read the Master's words muy verify for himself, men have sometimes y nted chris tianity as a set of ceremonies, and some- times as & picce of unintelligible, brain- isting philosophy, and sometimes as a system of sickish sentimentality. Agninst all these perversions of the trath of life, men of scnse and independence have re belled, and when they have been led to Were a neces- ary part of christi . they have eried ont: “Christianity is nonsense?’ But 1t would be difficult to tind any decent man who would not like to have his wife more womanly, or any de- cent woman who wouldn't like to her husband more manly. The subst of the teaching of Christ was: “Believe in me," so heartily that you shall, by the very force of your faith in me; Hfollow me’ in the *spirit and purpose of your life, and thus become what I am, strong and right and happy, in_every' depart: ment of your nature, And His chief avostle declares the aim of christanity to be the accomplishment of a “‘perfect manhoo What Ch sought to do was not to establish a set of doctrines or a set of ceremonies, or a set of senti n- talities,but to establish a right tife within and without. Thisis the obvious mean- g of those words of H “My words to you they are spirit and ity is, therefore, to a man, as some one has well said, not like a lightning rod to his house, but like st shine and rainfall to his deld, and the will be need for it s long as the need of sunshine and rainfall. characteristic of christianity is s0 fest to all who know what it i even Voltaire is bold to say th christian _religion is divine the sunshine and rainfall are, sevente of imvosture perver it. While men live ir not say that sunshine and sense; and for n s reasons they will not say that christian- » Bushnell once saul is, therefore, true, namely that when men know what Jesus Christ really taught then they will believe it. And, apropos of this, President Porter, of Yale coilege, said a fow years ago, that though chris 1anity has been well nigh crushied under ecountl misconceptions—though many have heard Christ so badly represented as to reject the caricature of His person vet, in the spirit of faith in his rea character, they are at heart his true be lievers. Any man who really beheves in the real Christ ought to know it, and if he will fr and independently study the Great Teacher's life he may. e v Artemus Ward's Chu Mr. George Hoyt, of Cleveland, Ohi who ) ago worked on the Plain Dealer of that city with Artemus Ward was in New York the other day and chatted with o Mail and Express rop: Mr. Hoyt was a printer on the pap when Artemus, who was the sub; wanted to go to Cincinnati for a week or so he got the former to write matter for him and left anold tow string to indi cate the auantity required. Mr. Hoyt 15 now a wealthy owner, but has never for- gotten the great American humorist, whose friend he was to his death. *Yes. [ remember the old soiled string Artemus gave me,’’ he said ‘Artemus called me to him and said he was going to be absent n week and wanted me to ‘jag-up’ his column during his absencs I’m'\'cr will forget his i}uevr-lou ng e pression when he handed me a string, about two-thirds of a column in length and said that much stuff was required aaily. As to the qaality of the matter he ignored that altogether. I think that incident oceurred along in 1857 or shortly afterward. Artemus and I were gooil friends, although I only u printer on the paper. He discovered that I was something of an artist and had a high appreciation of the humorous, so he frequently read his articles to me. How he would laugh, both while he was writing his funny articles and when he read them to me, 1 remember he read to me his letter to Brigham Young, and laughed heartily over the question he ')runhundml to the mormon as to whers his wives were sealed to ham. Lillustrated his first book for him; at least, I drew all the illustrations, and Artemus lost them out of his coat pocket while en route to New York. ‘The last time I saw Artemus was in Cincinnati. He was lecturing then, and I went into his dress- g room before he appeared upon the stage. He was having a terrible with his hair-dresser. It is an s fact he carried a hair-dresser ai with him to get his hair properly curled and arranged to appear before an aud-- ience. He appeared glad to see me, and asked me about the boys. He made a great deal of money, but what became of it is rather a mystery. He bought a farm for his parents and helped them."” ————— Hawallan Race Disappearing. The Hawaiians would have been so- ciully better off, it 13 openly asserted, had no European ever been permitted to land upon the shores of the kingdom. As mat- ters now stand, the race is fast disappear- ing, owing to the introduotion of certain forms of vice heretofore unknown among the natives there, while tnat hateful disease introduced by foreigners into these islands indelibly marks the features of both Kunakas and Wahines alike, ful- hlling the text of the scriptural assertion that the sins of the father will be visited upon the children, ete. Nevertheless Hawaii 1n nearly every respect justly deserves the attention it has been receiving for years at the hands of citizens of the United States. The na- tives are to be encouraged in their effort to compete with their white brethren, There are many Kanakas who lack thrift and who do not possess the requisite amount of stamina which is needed toin- sure success in life, yet such as these may be instructed to such a degree as to ren- der them capable of at least providing for themselves. In the American navy are many native Hawaiians, who, in the experience of the writer, have always proved to be good- humored, yielding 1n temper, and as a rule, gonerous to a fuult, Being in the main active and intelligent beings, they make excellent sailors. ~In like manner the investing in Hawaiian property and the amplogmnnt of native help at fair wages might result beneficially to ot only the italists, but would proye of groat advantage to the Hawaiiuns as a LABOR LACKING ~LEISURE. Left Undisturbed What Work Women Will Perform. LEARNING LOYAL LIFE-LESSONS. Let the Sex Have Its Way—Logical Hints on Dress—*lay Aside the Corset "—Laconics of Fashion, Woman's Work. “Man works from morn till set of sun.” They do. “But a woman's work is never done.” Quite truo. For when ono task she's inished, something’s found Awaiting a be:inning, all year round. Wiicther it be T'o draw the tea, Or bake the bread, r make the bed, te broom, Or dust the roon, Ortloor to serub, Or knives to tub, Or table toset, Or meals to O shelves to scan, Or fruit to ean, Or secds to S0w, Or piants to gro ity Or polish glass Or plate of bra Or clothes to mend, Or chiidren tend, Or notes indite, Or stories But I muststop, for really if I should ne all the ors, take me a day it would. 0 inany are there, that [ do declare More boats than L could count might have a pair .\n::I yet enongh be left; and, men folks, ) Same ors propel your barks o'er household se. Into sunny havens where you rest at ease, And, one word more, don’t you forzet it, please, A Wise sashion. fashion to work. Eyery woman days, no matter how high her rank, orhow or wealth, works as though her br on her industry. Satan, who used to find so rauch mischief foridle hauds to do, must be at his wits’ end to discovera pair that is not full of busy play or downright hard work. Draw- ing, embroidery, modeling in clay, paint- ing, beating br: designing farniture, composing songs, setting up industrial school, or working on some scientitic discovery to find what it is all about, en- gross the time and thoughts of women who, twenty years ago lolled on sofus and read novels, and had dyspepsia_for very idleness, and groaned because they “nothing to do.” The moneyed class and the working cl. meet on a ne tral ground,where millionaires, empre and princesses rush in for their sh Iabor, and look with scorn at those who hide their talents in a napkin. The fash- able idler is now as busy as a bee, ith the bump of tion'in a state of abnormal devele nt. Women. Ilustrated Christian Weekly: We have recently been advocating domestic ser- vice a$ a refuge, in many cases, for womnen who have so d a struggle to maintain themselves with the needle. We are fully convineed there is a refuge for some of the “prisoners of poverty," whose hanless been set before us. But we ha never for a moment thought of domestie service as & panacen for all the woes that are a working- woman's lot. The case is too compli- eated for any one remedy to right it al- together. There are, of course, mar these sewing-wortuen who are so situated, as daughters with dependent parents o as mothers with dependent children, that not go out to:service, There are who have no faculty to learn the many things that-go to the making up of a really competent servant. It is, there- fore, not possibld to Bay to every woman living in an attic on a crust earned by well nigh ceasel toil with the needle: “You can f wholly comfort- able in domestic service.”! This may be said to many but not to all. For those now 'to, whom this way of relief is not open, practical philan- thropy must devise some way by - which the evils of their lot shall be mitigated or entirely removed; The law must be in- voked upon heartless and dishonest em- ployers. Arrangements might be made whereby food and fuel could be bonght by these women at less than the ex- orbitant prices which the corner grocery exacts, perhaps must exact, for pur- cha in driblets. We have much yet to learn concerning co-operative dis- tribution. But now the employers of domestic service can do much toward making it o more desirable situation than it now ap- pears to some. There i3 no question that many mistresses are very exacting in their demands and harsh in their treat- ment of their servants, Such never seem to think that there is any linnt to the en- durance of one who “‘goes out to ser- vie Beyond paying the stipulated wages such” persons do almost nothing for the welfare or comfort of their ser- vonts. In consequence they are con- stantly changing servants, and are full of bitter complaints of the incompetency and general worthlessuess of domestics. ‘The fault is not altogether their own, for there are many who profess to be servants who are neglectful and shiftless and extrayagant. Still the fault is in good measure th , for in general a £ood mistress makes a good servant, There are other mistresses who err through ignorance. They do not under- stand the fundamentals,” much less the refinements, of housekeeping. 'This is not always their fault. Too many moth- ers have the 1dea that their daughters should be shiclded from care; that it will be time enough for them to learn when they have homes of their own. In conse- quence, the poor young things have everything to learn at once when they become settled in new homes, instead ot having mastered at least all the funda- mental principals gradually as they grew up under their mothers’ instruction. Servants soon discover when their mistresses are ignorant of that whien they ought to know, and take advantage accordingly. A mistress with knowledge of housework, even though she does no part of it hevself, can systematize the work, and so make it more easy for her “help.”” Knowing, moreover, what work really is, she does not exact more than is right. Strict management is by no means necessarily tyrannical man- agement, There is no question, when everything else has been said, that the thing ‘which more than all else overates to keep many women from domestic service is the feel- ing that it is socially degrading. The house servant is considered as of a lower caste than the shop girl or the factor; operative. Noong¢ can give an intelli- gent reason why this is so; but the fact stands out in sharp distinctness. It is an utterly unreasonable (prejud more or less, with all of us. Aund the unfortunate thing about 1t is that argument has little weight against prejudice. Nevertheless, it wé know where the root of the evil lies we can set oursclves to overcome it. If it is 1otrinsically as honorable to prepare !T'h“ meals for a fam- ily and to do the hundred things that o toward making domestic life comfor as it is to do endless stitehing on_under- garments; if it requires more intelligen und versatility to be 4 competent domnes tic servant than to run a machine ‘With its lncenu[\l repetition of the me thing over ‘and over ain, en let us say so and.feel so and uact. s0. The unreasonable prejudice may be grad: [t isthe now-s of ually overcome. It cannot be battered down with logic—we are speaking of so- ciety in general—but we belleve it may be gradually lived down. Then we shall have relief for those whose pride keeps hem from an occupation in_which they hink they will lose caste. We shall have also better service than is now too often the case. But this improved feeling—for it is feeling more than thinking—will be a growth. What we should aim at is to get it growing vigorously as ravidly as possibte. Let us add that very much may be done here by individual effort. F 'y em- ployer of domestic servants can do much to show that she regards their labor as worthy and themselves as entitled to re- spect.” She can evince a personal inter- est in them and can cultivate in them a wise self-esteem. There is nc ed waiting for a combined soc ment in this direction, Lot cilort be put forth, and good will follow. How to Dress Well, The lealthful dress for women must be made absolutely without ligatures or- bands. This is imperative from the very arrangement of women's internal org: 1zation and her uses in nature. Here we have all the complex vital manufactories it supply hife to musel nerves and brain. Just at the point most compressed by the corset he the most important or- gans of the body, important alike to well-developed * womanhood and — re- sponsible motherhood. Any pressure on these parts serves to disarrange and con- fuse the whole machinery o? life. W have all heard women “I live without my L should drop apart’ £ to the partial paral; ot the nerve and muscular system. How ab- surd! Nature will tuke care of herself 1f you will allow her the opportunity. reby Woman in a Iu\ul(lll_u] condition has tre- ! mendous powers of endurance and re- sistance 1n the region of tho waist. It was meant by Divine wisdom that she should have. “ Were it not so do you not suppose that the pressure, bands and weight brought to bear npon her would have done more than reduce her to a suf- ferig invalidy W) it would have killed'lier outright. Put men into wo- men’s dress and they would becom idiots or dead men in ten years. should follow the hnes of the body, we should be clothed in all respec our natural structure demands, beg ning at the neck und following each arm and each leg comfortably to the I and feet. aving clothed the bod cording to the season and the ne ty for warmth, in flannels, silk or cotton combination suits, it only remains to seat trousers, or if you prefer to 0, divi i skirt, of the same ma- s the princess-shaped dress with ts ¢ pery, to complete a costume ful- filling all the requirements of health and freedon ing to the thought and art ended shall we gai the other requmirements of beauty. i style of dress is ptible of an endless riety of moditication and changes, and need never be ugly or monotonous. Hindoo Women. “During the ten of my residence among the Hindoos, id a female mis- sionary just returned from India, in a leetuve delivered before a Brooklyn aud- ience the other night, “I never saw a Hindoo child receive a caress from its b & ly clothed, beaten and s hardly wh to lay ad or wet its meals. If itisa_girl, the mother can not be fond of it, for it may be the means of disgrace to her. If > has no male child, her husband vdivorce her. This is changed some- what when the child becomes old to be engazed. This 1s six years. affair is settled witkout consulting the poor girl herself. ~And who do you think finds the girl a band? The barber. He knows the circnmstances i family and rank in lifs i the house every day to shave the members of the family before th pray. He travels, sonietimes, weeks and months through the country before he can find a young marriageable man of the same station in life as the girl. For in India there 1s no intermarriage be- tieen caste **Now fora ideaof the Hindoo woman's home life. The floor and walls are of cluy, with no ornamentation of any sort and the least furniture possible. Every morning she has to vray—not for herself, as she is taught that she has no soul—but for her husband, for rain and for general ble: Zs. Then she spends two or three paring breakfa She doesn't i sband, but, perhaps, fans him at his request. During the day time she either sleeps, gossips with the other women, or sometimes a reader reads to them from the lives of tho gods. These stories are unfit for humun ears; they are vile from beginning to end. The children and women are taught them. At night they prepare their husband’s meal in the same manner. They are not protected against the weather and dampness, nor are they properly fed and clothed. The rich live the s the poor. 1f sick they are deen cursed by the and they are taken to the stable and left alone. The only food they can getis left by stealth. Thousands die of neglect. The first day that a Hindoo boy abuses his mother is n festal occasion with his father, who boasts of it to his friends. be a widow is the sumof unhappiness. s especially cursed by the gods. As usband dies, half a dozen™ barbers’ wives rush upon her and tear the jewelry from her ears and nose. Behind the funeral cortege she follows, surrounded by these fiends who throw her into the water. If sho drowns, they say she was a good wife after all.’ ‘She_has gone to meet her husband.' She is kept ina darkened room for fourteen days. At the end of this time her husbund’s™ ashes tuken to the river, and, after a peculiar ceremony of prayers, the soul is supposed to be free. It may enter an in- sect or an animal. The worst punish- ment the soul can sustain is to enter the body of a woman Beauties that Do Not Materi. e, Boston Journal: Itis said that Wa. ington beauties, whose charms have been heralded by the society correspond- ents, do not materialize when one visits the capital. The tourist finds little to gratify his raised expectations. The women of Washington are only an av- erage lot of mortals, and a little inquiry reveals the faet that the most celebrated feminines are only ordinary women con- nected by marriage with men who, for the time being, are running the govern- ment, Gossip for the Ladies. Mrs. Cady Stanton is a pet. She doesn’t like the idea of Americah women being kept out of law making and remanded to the ehimney corner. Thero are 818 women employed as vrison officials in England, with salaries varying from $225 to $2,500 per annum, and in addition fuel, light, quarters sad uniform. Mrs. Lamar is gaining unstinted ad- miration for the graceful and dignitied way in which she accepts the trying re- sponsibilities ot her new position among the ladies of the cabinet. The Boston club, founded by a_daugh- ter of Mrs, Julia. Ward Howe, is about expiring, killed doubtless by its name— ‘“I'he Metaphysical.”” Even Boston culture cannot stand everything. Miss Mary A. Livermore proves that there are no suportluous women by the statement that there are now 227 vocea- tions open to women, as agninst seven at the beginning of the century. A California woman owns and runs the factory which makes nine-tenths of ange boxes for the Pucific coast. vented the box while trying to make a eradle for her baby. Miss Aus der Ohe, who made her debut at the New York symphony concerts this a vupil of Liszt, and is saidd to t pinnist since Rubinstein. She y y-six years old. Miss White, a temperance lecturer, 18 holding forthi in Colorado on ‘‘Boiled Husbands.” It is to be inferred that the kind of husbands she wishes to boil are some Kin to the owl of tradition. The Woman's Magazine, edited by Murs. Esther Housh, has doubled its size and entered upon a crusade for social purity. Its aim has always peen reforma- tory, and mainly in behalf of temper- an Eyelyn college for young women will soon be opened at Princeton, N. J., under the direction of Princeton college pro- fessors. Rev. Dr. Mcllvain is to be presi- dent, and his two daughters will act as principals, There does not seem to be any imme- diate danger of dearth of missionaries. At Wellesiey collego the president re- cently invited all young women who felt moved to go as missionaries to confer with her, and eighty responded. Mr. Norman W. Dodge of New York, has instituted a prize of $300 to be awar- ded at each annual exhibition of the academy to the best picture painted in the United States by a woman, There 1s no limit as to age or nationality. Mr establishment consists of h 'wenty-third street house, twenty- two servants, cight carringes and twelve horses. Her annual profits from her the- atrical performances are about $100,000. Who wouldn't be a professional beauty. Many women 1n the blllG‘KI'lRl regions of Kentucky and Missouri, and on the plains of Dakota, Kansas and Nebraska, have become successful stock raisers, while some of the best paying market gardens and fruit farms of California are owned and conducted by women. The Iatter employment seems especially suit- ed to them, and there is plenty of virgin soil in the most favored chmate to be had for the working of it. The first plowing must be hired; after that itis plain sailing. At Ingenius, London Figaro: Miss Annie Oppen- heim, answering my question concerning the sort of hair that denotes intellectual power, says: “There is not any kind of hair that denotes 1ntellect, lhk' former be- ing an animal matter.” But Miss Oppen- heim “firmly believes that bald headed n are most that way inclined, they ng through the exertion of their ns exhausted all that is animal in their nature.”’ The. exyp tion is in- gentous, but itis notconvincing. I know some bald headed men who fools. JED STAR GOUGH GIRE PURELY VECEAELE. PERFECTLY HARMLESS. A Critical G sthma—Bronchitis, Mr. Charles A. Tiel, says the Ihiladel- phia Evening N was so prostrated with hroat trouble following upon asthma, he was ordered by physicians to New Orleans, The change wrotight no good ; he returned home in a hopeiess condftion. He was sd- i dho tricd Red Star Cough Cure, ugh and asthima left him, and alter ow bottles his heaith'was come stored. Another—Pleuro-Pnoumonia—Cough, Quinby House, Portland, Oregon, After suffering a great deal from an attack of plenro-pueumonia, contected with & severo und painful eotigh, a friend of mino recommended the Red Star Cough Cure to me, after L had tried several other remedies without success. One bottle ensured my Tecovery, MARK A. MILLER. Travelling Agt., Erie R, R, Infammation of Throat and Lungs. Ban Francisco, Cal. Mr, Oliver Hinkley, Proprietor of the cific Carriage Co., owell Bt. in Francisco, sa; have been suffering with & scvero cough, causing finally in: Tammation of the thoat and. lungs for & Iongtime, Afcr consuliing several phy- #lelans without derivingany benefit, I was induced by & friend, who had bee siii- Tarly afllicted, to try'the “Red Star Cough Cure.” After a few doxesl began to feel instant reliefand after taking one bottle I ‘was entirely cured, OLIV. HINKLEY, A Startling Disclosure—Take Note. Aleading physician has made the start- ling revelation thatsix thousand people, mostly children, dig yearly in this country from the effects of cough mixtures cot- taining morphia or opium, THE CHARLES A. LER CO., Baltimore, Md. AF-All persona vsixa St Jacobs Oil or Red Star Cough Cure, will by sending a two-cent stamp and a of RYE. 'JACOBS O], HE GREAT GERMAN REME| For Pain==sks=® Baghachs, oadarbe, Toothache, an iy Ovata. At Dr ey agiets nd THE CHARLES 4. VOGBLES C0., Baltimors, Hd- U.8. &, 'TYPETTRlTERs. A R bought, #old or exchanged on most liberal toruis. Good machinos for sale sthal{ Arst cost. Bations) Type-Writes Chieagor WANTED, KANSAS & NEBRASKA City and County Bonds. Bradstreet & Curtis, BANKERS, 33 Pine St., New York, hange, 140 Lasalle Bi. “HOW TO ACQUIRE WEALTH.,” NO BLANKS. One BIG PRIZES OR RE\WARDS! Million Distributed Every Year, HE ACCUMULATED INTEREST MONEY DIVIDED AMONG A FEW LUCKY BOND HOLDERS EVERY 3 MONTHS. Only #4.00 required to secure one Royal Italian 100 francs gold bond. These bonds participate in 225 drawings, four drawings every year and retain their or al value until the year 1944, Prizes of 2,000,000 1,000,000, 50,000, 250,000, &c. francs will be drawn, bésides the certainty of receiving back 100 francs in gold, you may win 4 times every ye: ‘s 1s 18 alc, 1nd the best, nvestment ever offered, us the invostod money must be paid back whoa bond mat py registered le 8 Bond forcireulirs 81 it will pay you o d), or & r postal notos, and in return we will forward th BANKING CO,, 305 Broadway 0 yeur orders with money scuments New York (fl(‘)'. . by law —These bonds are not lottery tickets, and the sale is logally permitied inths U. 8. TURN OVER A NEW LEAX Regin the New Month by Paying Cash. See Our Prices, Garneal XXX Soda Crackers 25 Ib boxes, b0 Garneau's Gingor Snaps, 25 1b boxes, THe liest Bread, 3 loaves for 10 Hubbard's Superiative Flour, per 100 Lhs, $2.75 o uparell Pateut Flour, per i00 1bs, §2.60 G 26 bars White ranulated Sugar, 16 1bs for $1 tar Soap., $l. Muckerel from §1to §2.50 per kit. Animmense variety of Fish tor Lent. WARREN F. BROWN, THE CASH GROC. Northeast Corner St. Mary's Ave. anu 19th St. Zelephone 399, A CARD. TO THE PUBLIC— ‘With the approach of spring and theincreased interest mans ifested in real estate matters, I am more than ever consult. ed by intending purchasers as to favorable opportunities for investment, and to all such would say: Whenjputting any Proper- ty on the market, and adver- tising it as desirable, I have invariably confined myself to a plain unvarnished statement of facts, never indulging in vague promises for the future, and the result in every case has been that the expectations of purchasers were more than realized. I can refer with pleasure to Albright’s Annex and Baker Place, as symple il lustrations. Lots in the “Annex” havo quadrupled in value and aro still advancing, while a street car line is already building past Baker Place, adding hua- dreds of dollars to the valucof every lot. Albright's Choice was se- lected by me with the greatest care after a thorough study and with the full knowledge of its value, and I can consci- entiously say to those seeking a safe and profitabla inTve! ment that Albright's Choice offers chances not excelled in this market for a sure thing. Early investorshave already reaped large profits in CASH, and with the many imp‘orlnut improvements contemplated, some of which are now under way, every lot in this splen did addition will prove a bo- nanza to first buyers, Further informutiofi,.— plats and prices, will be clmgr—fully furnished. Buggies ready at all times to show property. Respectfully, W.G. ALBRIGHT SOLE OWNER, 218 8. 15th Street. Branch office at South Oma- ha. N. B. Property for sale inall parts of the city