Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, February 6, 1887, Page 10

E i o e s T v A Y s e THE OMAHA DAIL SELECTED FOR MEN MAINLY, Two Oolumns of Facts and Gossip About Women and Their Ways, POLISHED MINDS AND NEATNESS . Medical Women and Their Rusbands ~Some Things a Girl Shounld Learn ~Remunerat| Work — Right Kind of Woman's Rights, A Fair Florentine. Engene Davis. 8he hath eyes that shame the night, Deep and mystic, dark with doom, Rich in thought, alive with lght When the passion flowers bloom. And her lips are scarlet red, Mute, and motionless and calm, Till a score of kisses shed Love's elixir on their balm, Soff and downy s her breast, "Tranquil as a virgin rose. Now to rock in wild unrest, Like an ocean in its throes, Bella, Bella, Graziella, Queen where ATno's river flows. She hath locks of darkest dark, Brow of snow and face of fire; Tuneless is the singing lark When she strikes her silver Iyre; Arno's specehl is not as sweet « __As the musie of her voice When she runs to meet and greet ‘The Luigi of her choice, Myhrr and oleander dells Bloom with beauties rare to see} Yet within their shadow dwells Not a fairer nym)-n than she; Bella, Bella, Graziella, Heart and heayen tiirob for thee. Florence hath more stately dames, Garbed in silk and decked with Iace, But they Iack the living flames Sweeping o'er her cherub face, Plain-robed lasses otten are Each a more bewitehing prize Than the blue- proudest star Gleaming from p lal skies. ! p the cask ! We will drink this health of thine With a bumper from a flask Of the “"11(;1) Tus ‘l‘ wine, I Graziella, Maid of maidens, Florentiae! The Neatest Women in the World. New York Times. Somebody who has traveled extensively has been talking in a Denver paper about American women, who, he declares, are the neatest the world over. Asarule, they like to be neat and clean for the comfort of it thoujgh they are sometimes found to be- come slatterns when placed where they believe themselyes unknown and therefore from criticism, He goes on to sa, he habit of neatness or its opposite is an interesting study in women. The characteristic naturally exists just the game in men, but the circumstances gov- orning their lives are such as do not bring out this phase in such pronounced fashion. I don’t doubt but that some of the greatest slatterns on earth are men, but they are seidom found out, you know. If you aresufticiently intimate with a gen- tleman to gain access to his apartment youwill soon have a very excellent mothod of judging his habits. “If you find his brushes fuli of hair and_lint, his towels and soiled clothes Kicking about every- where, vith a bow! of dirty water always on his washstand, you may e b 3 that he will go out into the street” with grease spots on ‘his clothes and half- goiled linen on,” The Higher Education of Women. Sidney Smith demonstrated seventy- five years ago certain theorems relating her education. These arc some o There is no just cause why a womau of forty should be more ignorant than a boy of twelve years of age.”” “When learning ce mon among women, le ceaso to be affected.” *‘Nothing ean be more perfectly ab- surd than to suppose that the care and perpetual solicitude which a mother feels for her children depend upon her agnorance of Greek and mathematics, and that she would desert an infant for & quadratic equation. “Among men of sense and liberal po- Liteness a woman who has successfully cultivated her mind without diminishing the gentleness and propriety of her manners is always sure to mect with re- Bpey nd_attention bordering upon en- thusiasm.”” to be uncom- arned woraen will Meodical Women and Their Husbands. New York Medical Journal: In a recent number of Lyon Medical we find an account, guoted from Petit Marselluis, of a domestic contention between a lady practitioner of medicine and her husband, which has led to proccedings before one of the courts. The action turns upon the question of a husband's legal dfihz to open and read the letters received by his wife. The husband in this case prays the court to aflirm his right to do so0, and the wife asks that he be re- strained from taking such liberty. The points as stated by the parties to the suit show a sort of "hand-to-hand conflict grievous to contemplate from the dow tic l)olm of view, but one that, it is not diflicult to imagine, may readily arise be- tween other medical women and their husbands, and one that is therefore of interest to a rapidly increasing section of the profession. Tho lady states that it is a matter of overy-day “experience for her to pivo written communications from her pa- tients, and that in many instances they are of such a nature that professional Bocrecy is violated if they areread by her husbund, who, she says, consented to her becomin, nhy-lmun, and should have taken the consequen mto account, Bhe could no more think, she adds, of taking him into her confidence in such matters than of allowing him to witness her privato examinations of patients. The husband replies that he would re- sign himself if it were only from women that the letters came, but ‘says that she rul.u them from men also. She then asks him if she ever agreed to restrict her practige to women. ‘‘No,' he mildly noswers, ‘'but what about propriety anid modesty?” “‘Everything,” the wife re- torts, ‘‘vanishes in the interest of human- ity and soience. I have dissected male ns well as fomale subjects. I am blase a8 regards your sex, as I am indifferent to the other. To me man is nulhin(.; more than a subject of observation. *“T'hat,” says the husband, “l cannot admit. Since you pretend to love me, or to have loved me, it 1s evident that your studies haye not made you indiffer- ent. 1 have reason to beliéve that you are not incapable of sentiment. I fear that }'our imagination will get the bet- ter of your science, and that some new, unknown man will set your heart or nerves guivering as the result of con dences and visits.” “You would forbid my practising wmy profession,'” says she. #No," says he, ‘'l would only take part in it with you to & reasovable extent. 1 ask not to practice medicine, but I must watch over you as I vowed before the civil magistrate. I owe you aid and pro- tection. How can I proteet youif I know not the dangers that threaten your I will nobody what 1 may read, but I insist on reading everything, Since ny wowen write a masculine hand, just as many men write a feminine hand,” 1 can toll the one from the other only by break- ing the seal of every missive, and leaving none unexamined,” In his heart this solicitous husband socms to feel the weakness of his ease on fuuonl principles, for he seeks to justity bis eourse by citing one of the letter: mm o letter in ?uuliou being 0t & request for a prescrip- tion. 1t is be inferred that it was wmllllnfi quite different. But even that does not silence the M{ “Yes," she rg:. “1 have a melancholic patient, one is disgusted with life and asks me to restore its attractiveness for him. He would love; he is searching after love and 18 in despair that he does not meet with it. As his languishing state is con- nected with hereditary tendencies, and as I'think the best way of bringing him back to a wholesome mode of hife lies in avoiding abraptness, T do not talk medi- cine to him in our interviews, and in his letters he answers me with sentiment. Must physicians be aceused of leading their patients on to love them, because they humor their 1llusions before giving them drugs? Any woman may be faithless, as any man may be vie- torious, but it were an actress, an artist, or simply a woman of independent means, unemployed, passing my days alone, I should be quite as much exposed, if not more go, as i ling a life that shows me humanity_in all its misorios and in its injurics. ~ You would have less correspondence to look over, but you would have more equivocal in- terviews to break up. It is beeause 1 have ade myself estimable, by working, by acquiring knowledge, by trying to do good, that I am exposed to the injury of your suspicions? At bottom it i not of my frailtics that you are jealous, but of m{ dignity and my importance. If I were afrivolons nonentity I should possess your confidence; being a useful and_seri- ous woman, but less easy to deccive, I awaken your distrust. You are afraid of becoming my inferior, and you are try- tyrannv to preserve the balance.” 'he connubial tie having been stramed to the degree exemplitied 1n this state of antagonism it may make little difterence to the parties to the suit how the court decides, but decision can searcely fail to come up in the minds of female practitioners of medicine meditating matrimony or in those of husbands called upon to cgasent to their wives studying medicine. Some Things a Girl Should Learn. New Orleans Pieayune: A girl of ten years of hould, if her parents can vossibly rd it, be taught the value of money by ImvinF a certain stated allow- ance. Sfle should have her own pocket- book and her own money, and whether the sum be great or small it would be in- valuable lessons in practical economy; in how to spend money and how not to spend it, and in respectful sclf-depend- ence. With her pin money she should be expected to pay her own car fare, buy her own gloves and collars and ‘‘no- tions™ generally, do her own ‘‘treating,” and be in fact her own financier. In no other way can she be so successfully taught the proper valus of moncy. A girl who never hasany money of her own, who must a pa every time she wants ten cents for car fare or money for a new ruching, is a poor, spiritless creature, robbed of considerable individnality and deserving of pity. Unless she marries a manager she will probably be that most humiliated of all women, a beggar-wife, who has to conx ole, beg mouicy from her husband, explain piteously what she does with it, and made to feel all the misery of unjust dependence. A girl should be taught the responsibility of possessing things. She should fuil import_of that old familiar saying, “What'smine is my own.” The los self-preservation makes a man most > ful of things that are hisown. A girl's books, pets, tlowers, toys, ornaments should bo her own to do with as she wills, for which she will be responsible to her own conscience. She should be made as early as possible a responsible agent, and taught to rely on herself, to do for herself, to buy for herself. If her taste m dress is bad, improve it by kindly erit- icism and loving advice. Do not foster helplessness ming for her her re- sponsibilities. " There was a time when sickly or delicats young women, who fainted easily and could not get™ a whole strawberry into their dear little mouths, were all the fashion in womanhood. In those days it was vul- gar for a young woman 1o say she was hungry or to eat with a wholesome relish and " good sensible appetite if gentle- men were presen rls aimed to look Janguid, and were vain that they could not walk, and were not strong enough for any greater physical exertion than standing at the front gate for three or four hours at a time talking to a young man. Those days are gone by forever. Healthy, whotesome, energetie, agile, strong young wowen are the fashion. Fainting is as much out of date as a coal- scuttle bonnet. The girl of to-day is not afraid to let her best young man sce her eat a dozen fried oysters. She will walk with him from Canal street to Carrollton and back and be I blown’’ than he at the end of the trip. In fact, heipless women are out of style; they no longer st, even in the no The wiscst mother is she who to-day is belping her beautiful, sweet, and modest young girls to become brave and self-r not bold nor forwardly self surely not afraidto face any of the duties angers und responsibilitics of a woman'’s lot. Remunerative Work for Women. To tind remunerative work for women, says o writer in the Queen, is one of the roblems of the day, a problem not ikely to be solved “while women, as a rule, want’‘‘to cat their cake and have it.” But 1 am strongly of opinion that there is lvleul_v of work for those who wiil doit. With regard to painting as a re- munerative employment, I am convinced that in the ordinary way it is bopeless. Elizabeth Thompson, the sisters Mont- alba, Mme. Jerichan, Kate Greenaway, and a few others (alas! very few) havi achieved fame, and doubtless with the fame something more substantial, Those who are gifted with like talent should work hard, and due time they will reap an ample reward 3nt alas! there are not many with sueh talents—fower have the necessary advantage: and still fewer have the high courage, indom- itable perseverance and patient industry to accomplish great things. — Painting in the nruhmtf' way, on satin or china or terva-cotta, is a very agreeable and re- iined amusement, but for profitit is hope- less. 1 therefore adyise il women who are wishing to increase their small means to abandon all hope of doing so by paint- ing, unless their talent is of very excep- tional order and they have industry aud perseverance to match, Needlework is a very different thing; a long experienoce has taught me that, lhuLfmuds of a good worker, necdlework can be and is remunerative. 1 have no doubt that this sentiment, uttercd on a platform, would evoke loud cries of **N¢ no!"” and the hrieking sisterhood especially would be loudly indigoant; but pothing would shake my vonviction, and 1 should know thut unbelief was the unbelief of ignorance. The great and indeed the only bar to success 1s in the workers themselyes: there are so fow women who are rmllfi accomplished needlewomen, most of them have ver{ elementary ideas upon the subject. huve lately bad to do with & “ludies’ work society;"’ and Ifound, with scarcely an exception, that the workers were un- punctual, unbusimesslike, and very un- skillful. ~ They would bring claborate pieces of work (not always welldone) for salo at very high prices, and think them- selves very hardly used if we did not ceive it ru}:lurolmly und sell it at once; whereas if we wanted anything done to order, or a piece of work finished, it was quite & task to find a worker whom we could trust, Tha very few workers to be depended upon always had more work than they could accomplish, and could within certain limits conuunand their own vrice. Then, again, women, as a rule, are ashamed to let it be known that they work for money. To employ them as- sumes a 1ms|-ourn:blo aspect guite detrimental to success, which ver; greatly increases the difficulty of the posi- . It cannot be too strougly insisted upon that honest labor, eonscientiously periormed is a matter of pride, and that until all nawmby-psmby ideas to the con- trary are swept away It will be impossi- ble to help women in the battle of life. Another point that has struck me very forcibly in connection with this matter— viz: that women never look beyond the present; have no idea of learning any- thing, unless it be of immedinte use; never seem to think thatsuch and such an experience may be of untold value in the future, but faney that at once they are to earn their living in some ladylike way without much trouble. Thoy forget that there are thousands of other women similarly placed, all look- ing but for the same thing—viz.: a com fortable home, good ealary and nothing to do! I know some girls whose father, a general officer, died suddenly, leaving only a small provision for his large fam- ily.” The five danghters, with praise- worthy determination, decided that they would earn their o living, that the mother might have suficient for herself and the three boys, who were mneh younger and still to be pla life. Alas! the determination went no further. They all thought, e should like to be rion to a lady. We are not ver: nd we think we could do thal But they could not advertise, O no—~too much publicity, us if people conld obtain what they want withont publicity. Naughty Little Girl Samuel Minturn Peek She Is eunning, she is tricky L am greatly grieved to teil, And her hands are always sticky With chocolate ea Her dolly g ‘Tell of man She's the terror ‘That naughty little girl! She dotes upon bananas, And she smears them on 1 And she peppers my Ia And she laughs to hear m And she steals into my stud And she turns my books awhirl, And her boots are always muddy-— That naughty little irl! When she looks as she were dreaming Of the angels in the air, I know she's only scheming How to styly pull my hair; Yes—why, n't discover— Spite of every tangld eurd, She'’s a darling, aud I 1o ‘That naugbity little wirl! knees, sneeze; Train Up a Girl and Away She Goes, 1 cannot help but agree, says a writer in the Louisville Courier-Journal, with the dear old lady whom I once heard wanted no woman’s rights except the right to be loved and cherished. Thomas Carlyle said on the subject of female emancipation:. “I have uever doubted but that the true and noble function of a woman in the world was, and is, and for- over will be, that of being a wife and helpmate 10 a worthy man, and dis- charging well the duties that devolve on her in conscquence as mother of children and mistress of a household; duties, high, noble, silently important as any thatean fall to a human creatur s which, if well discl »d, constitute woman, in a soft, beau and almost sacred way, the queen of the world, and which, by her natural faculties, graces and strength knesses, are every way indicated ally hers.” The true destiny of awoman, therefore, is to wed a man whom & un love and esteem, and to lead noiselessly under his protection, with all wisdom and grace and heroism that were in her,the lite prescribed in con- sequence. When a woman 1s married God has given her her work, and except in un- usuul cases her sphere is at hom Al- though [ admire the time-worn simile of the onk tree and the chinging vine quite as mucl the masculine advocates of the charming helplessness theory, yet [ cannot Iu-lri sking: *“What about ‘those vines that have no oak trees to or who have found the onk in wih trusted turn out a mere reed?” would be different could women nd protected by 1; but I huve seen them ™ afte and biinging up children compeliod to ume the duties of the husband as well as tho wife. So here comes the point to educate and make self-supporting the daughters as well as the sons, 'l question is often ed: Can a woman engage in s life and.yet retam the ch hich is pecu ed and woman lose nothing of her what her par i is an old and well-worn st tlemen make the ¢ the woman t to the gr development of all her powers, to w to comfort, to command, who will fill every rclation in life best, and to this end it is negessa be not only ac- complished, 3 ctive, but to be educated and trained so as to best fit them for whatever lifo may demand. It is for the general good of girls that they be taught scif support, strength of mind, and mdependenee of charicter. The young girl herself is the lust person consulted. Ambitious, loving parents want their danghters to shine in_society and be the possessors of a few showy accomplish- ments—a superficial run of things 1s all that is necessary—and there come, as we often see, rev s of fortune, and it is far sharper in theie case than that of gi brougit up differently. It is hurd to give ap the luxu and the sweets of lif such a girl is entitled to bec 2 her sufferings ¢ Women will be bettes and mothers because of their having been developed. Such lives as lodd by too many girls are purposele was reading o very sensible wgzan the other day, giving as a reason why so few women’ succeed, when obliged to labor, tho fact that they take up almost any pursuit a_makeshift until some- thing else (a possible husband or n rich fricnd or relative) renders work “un- 1 Soc is to blame for the idéa that it is degrading for a woman to earn her own living, In these enlightened days there are more avenues open to women and they have less to con- tend with than formerly, Any occapa- tion which makes a woman less feminine is bad for h While teaching is dis- tinetly feminine, it is often a tension of brain and nerves. My heart alwes goes out to a teacher. I know 50 many noble women workers i that field, fraining minds that will make the world better for haying them in it. Ithink a girl ought to know the value of money, to be taught economy, and to learn to sew ncutly, for, whatever her rank in life, it will be a practical benelit to her, How to Get a Good Complexio A physician in the Medieal World gives the following advice to women for the improvement of their health and com- plexion: “For the pres L prescribe oLly for your feet. rst, procure a quantity of woolen stockings, not such as ou buy at the store under the name of amb’s wool that you can read a news- paper through, but the kind that your Aunt Jerusia in the country knits® for you, that will keep your feet dry and warm, in spite of the wind and weather; second, if you want to be thorough, change them every morning, hanging the fresh ones by the fire durmfi the night; third,procure thic Ifskin boots, double uppers and triple soles, and wear them from Oetober 1 to May 1; make frequent applications of some good oil blacking; fourth, aveid rub- bers altogether, except a pair of rubber boots, which may be worn for a httle time through the snow drifts ora flood of water; fifth, hold the bottoms of your feet in cold water a quarter of an inch deep just before going to bed two or three minutes, and then rub them hard with ruufill towels and your naked hands; sixth, go out freely mn all weathers, and, believe me, not only will your feet enjoy a good circulation, but as the comse- quences of the good circulation i the lower extremities your head will be re- lieved of all 1ts fuluess and your heart of all its palpitations. Your ecomplev.ion will be greatly improved and your health made better in every respect.” = it is 1ost e ———— .. s gt - e et e BEE: SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 1857, ~TWELVE PAGER A GAGS BOTH CRAVE AND CAY. Half Hours Among the Wits and Wags of the Country. A REMARKABLE Walt Whitman's pension Poem—The Statistical Lover and Munchau« sen's Snccessor—Where the Old Maids Come In, Ete, DISCQVERY. A Remarkable Discovery, Have you heard what has recently come to 88 Of petroletm of) and of natural gas, tow the pundits have learned atter infinite pains “That botli those useful eommodities, now on the market at prices varying with localities or the whima of syndicates, are composed entirely of organic re: mains? How they say that the Nollusks of seas of yor And thé reptiles that basked on cach name- less shore Died and wera buried beneath the soll, And that, in time, tho intense heat of the tih, the great pressure, and other causts too nupierous to mention, turned their fat into gas and oil? Which accounts for the different kinds of 0w From the wells, bu {t fast or exceedingly slow, Some yellow murky, Depending on whether me black, and some rather ou observe the out- put at Petrolia, la, or_in DPenn- sylvania, owin Egypt, or South Caro- 1ina, or at the latcly-opened wells in Turkey. As to which oil is best is not easy to state, But the savants are showing less zeal in de- hate, Since, thouh mollusks ranked first was main- tained s faet, til Recently, an old lady who has made a study of the subject, .now says: “Mollusks is good, mewliosaurns is good, but, fur a real 'stiddy light fur a kerosene tamn, give me pterodact And how solemn the thought, as you sit by ¢ the lamp, You observe the remains of a monster whose tramy Througl the forests primeval re-cchoed; and which May have been an icthyosaurus, or a me- gathierinm, or an iguanadon, or any- thing elso in the big reptiliah line on which you may piteh | And it may be remarked on the subject in nd s nothing our seientists won't un- derstand ! Dalt, or, at times, may go But, in the slangy and_altogether inexcusa- ble lanzuage of the average frivoious, thoughtless, and joyous young man of the period, it “gets there just the samo!” Don't. s Siftings: Don'tgo to Led with tunless they have been yikled en inwardyy. Even then the tealthi vlanis to get a friend to take the pickled feet inwardly. Don’t lie_on the teft side too much— lic on the right side all you can, as it pays better, Be a mugwump, Don’t wnp out of bed immediatcly on the morning un’ess you No sane man ¢ umped I immediately wakening in a few isolated cnses. a drink of pure If you are ved Tes cold fe and he last nigit's ¢ of the head, snd, Don’t take long walks on an em; stomach; you want to stioll on a stomach at all _try full one, as it is If yon an empty stomaeh, enough you can take a ride upon it Don't start todo a day’s work without eating « good hreakfast. Pe sure to chew up the cof’er proper If 301 haven't gota good breakf: don’t commence work till atter dinner, Don’t eat between meal body invites yon, it is health diink. 1f you gethungry i ofter ) Don't try to Keep up on cofles when nature is calling yon to bed; coflee is an uncomfortable thing to sleep on;: a saek of flour or o guiet conscicnce would be better. Don't stw d over tiresome. Unle the register enough to be used as a branding 3 migzht as well sit down on a register and b comfortable, Don't strain your eyes reading on an cmpty stomach, If, Fowever, it i3 essen- tinl to your happiness to re: empty stomaeh spread a copy of a news- paper over the vacant organ and read that. Don't make a practice of rels sceandal ealenlated to depress the of the sick; only tell the kind of s that will ugh. Get some files of the ipers containing counts of tl npbell trial. Don't fu cer and gently amuse i ng them; tickle them nose with a feather, dance a jiz, sing o comie song, or do something that is light and convivial. If the invalid ts and tries to throw things at you, iim down in the bed, Don’t talk your sick friend to death. It i acture his skull with a hesides, you have no right with the prerogative of the Jbut, if any- to take n ve tho muls hot-air registers, i doctor, And finally: Don't worry yourself about other peo- s L xtent of making a ss of yourself. If you want to make yourself ridiculous write war articles for the mugazine. Walt Whitman's Pension Poem, Washington Critic, [Congressman Lovering introduced a bill to allow Walt Whitman a pension of $25 a month, and the “good, gray poet” way be supposed to “loaf and invite his soul” as follows:| p Whoever you are! You are he or she for whom the earth is solid and hquid: “Solid and liquid” is immense! Solid with the boys and liquid to every call of the yearning soul ! You are he or she for whom the sun and moon hang in thesk Which astronomic for the prima/ 1" For none more ¥ sot are the present and fact I now make public Dias Forlnohs more than you is immortality ! Yet you are not one to contravene the eter- nal uses of the earth by attempting to get a corner on the immoriality market ! Each man to himself and each’ woman to her- self i3 the word of the past and present and the word of immortality. No one ean acquire for atother—not one! But, Lovering, you seem to be willing to try, and by the Mystic Trumpeter I'll stay with you till the incomprehensible freezes over Or we get that tweaty-five & month, And don't you forgetit! Getting Rid of a Statistical Lover. A young English statistician, who was paying court to.a young lady, thought to surprize her with ifs immense erudition. Producing s note-book she thought he was aboutto indite # love sonnet, but was shightly taken aback by the following question: “‘How many m “Why, three, of oddest questions! s do you eat a day?" course; but of all'the “Never mind, deg! I'u tell youall it 0 & momept flis penoil was Capidly at work. At hs;:. !olfisly ullfiiug er slender waist: “Now, my darling, I've got it, and if you wish to know bow much has passed through that sdorable little wouth of yours in the last seventoen years I can Rive yon the exact figure."’ “Goodness gracious! What can you mean?" Now just listen,”’ says he, “and you will hear exactly what you have been obliged 10 absorb to ‘maintain those charms which are to make the happiness of my life." “BDut I don’t want to hear."” “*‘Ah, rou are surprised, no doubt, but statistics are wonderful things. Just listen. You are now seventeen years old, £o that in fifteen years you have absorbed oxen and calves, B; sheep and lambs, 14; chickens, 327; ducks, 204; geese, 12 tur- 100; game of various kinds, 824; , 160; egzge, 324; vegetables (bunches), fruit(baskets), 603; cheeses, 108; bread, cake (in sacks of flower), 40; wine (bar: rels), 11; water (gallons), 3,000.” At this point the maiden revolted, and, Jumping up, exclaimed: ‘I think you are \.-r{ impertinent and disgusting besides, and 1 will not stay to listen to you!" upon which she tlew into the house. He gazed after her with an abstracted gaze, and left, saying to himself: “If sho kept talking at that rate twelve hours out of twenty-four, her jaws would in twenty vears travel a distance of 2,124 miles,” I'he maiden within two months mar- ried a well-to-do grocer who was no tistician, Acquainted With Munchaunsen, n I'rancisco Chronicle: 1 don't be licve lying ever reached such absolute perfection as in a_man who came on the overland with & friend of mine lately He could not be beaten on any propos| tion. They got talking about gold mines and the Californian nmugmfl knew a good deal about that subject. The stran- ger was a mine owner, *‘You should see my Peruvian mines said the traveler. “That's the pla where they have gold. 1've seen speci- meng—specimens that ran up into the hund of thousands. “Well,” said the Californian, _“I have If w specimen of pure virgin gold. ar boy, I've had a hundred spee- at beat virgin gold.” Say ! said the Californian, “in your travels did you ever hearof a man named Baron Munchauseny” He owns the next claim to She Spoke One Word. Speak but one word,” he cried, And madly elasped her hand “Spealgbut one word, my lov nd 1 shall understand. “1 ask no sweet caress Of lovers when they part; Iam content to wait, Speak but one word, dear heart, ne is a trusting sow, hat rests its faith on thee; 8 no vows of love; ak but one word to me. “Speak ! speak I” hio eried. “and still My heart's wild pit-a-pats—" She looked into his eyes And softly whispered, “Rats " Shakespeate Too Much for the Jury Philadelphia Record: In a will case béfore a court and a rustie jury, Jere Black appeared as counscl for'the voung- est of three sisters, who sought to break the will on the ground that the elder two sisters with the sistance of his , the counscl on the other joled and coerced the dead father ng his dying hours intosigninga wi giving them all his property ving his youngest daughter out” in the cold. 3lack, Who was yoffug then, made a great speceh to the jury, in which “King v naturally abpeared. “Goneril was that Iw(hi«&l'. men of the jury,” he exclaimed. there. But where was Cordeli The jury remained out for some time. last they eame in, but the foreman they could not agree. All ) except one man was in favor of but the one man was nd could not tisfied t he thought was a tlaw in the ntle- Regan not satisfied abont wl evidenee. i asked the court of the our honor,” sunid the fellow, Goneril and Mr. Regan were nresent, as that law, said, why didn’t he put them in the witness-box? He Took Her at Her Word. Washington Critie: ~ **What kind of a man is Mr, Brown?®" inquired a K street girl of an Ebbitt house belle. “Oh," was the indifferent reply, “he’ll do; but he has such queer nolions of right and wrong.” “In what way? I always thought he was a man of excellent ideas in that re- rd. Please explain, won't you? ‘Why, he wanted to kiss me the other evening, and I told him it was wrong for him to do s0.” “Well?" said the’ other, inquiringly. ““Weil, he belicved me. She Didn't Like Such Thin Jokes, “That girl doesn’t speak to you fny more, docs she?” remarked one fraveling man to another, as they passed a very g woman on State street, he hasn't since lust fall,” the trouble “Ldon't know exactly were out watching the Dears I she noticed that there were one of the pits and asked ¢ had more than one.'" “And what did you say?" “Why, I told her that “it was probably to give the bears an oceasional ‘change of climb it." She has never spoken to me since." You sce wo in Lincoln Nothing w Wear. A lady last Spring went abroad for her health As well as for lnn-mqurfl and fun; ‘The vurse which she carried wus laden with wealth, But her garments were mostl&/ homespun; S0 she visited Paris and shopoed every day, Buying dvzen of dresses while there: But now, when she's asked to a ball she will say, * *'Oh, dear, 1 have nothing to wear.” T went to a ball a few evenings ago, And sat ip the midst of a crowd, This lady, arrayed—in the fashion [ know But I must say, my head with shame owed, Sne seemed very proud as she sfood on the T, wor, Never minding men’s insolent stare; She had spoken the truth—almost nothing she wore, You see, she had nothing to wear, You Can’t Fool a Qongressman, Peoria Transeript he palmistry craze hus reached Washington. We un- derstand that the member from the Tenth 1linois district was prevailed on to call on a professor to have his fortune told, “Let me see your hand,” said the pro- feasor, “‘and 1 will tell you whether you are to be a rich or a poor man.” “Not much,” replicd Mr. Worthington, I can do that trick myself. Al I want 10 know is what is 1n the other fellow's hand.” And Mr. W. walked away, muttering atthe man who was trying to play him for a chump, The Detroit Millionaire, Detroit Free Press: A small boy with his boot-box in hand stood looking at- tentively up Griswold street yesterday n he was asked: V hat are you looking after sonny#” hat millionaire in the ridge." What's the matter with him*" *He got out here and asked me to hold his hoss. When he went away Le didn’t offer me no ten cents.’’ “Perhaps he forgot it.” “That's what 1'm puazling over— whether he's absent-minded and wil send me a check through tne mailin a day or two, or whether “he took me for another willionaire and dido't want o hart fooli offoring me any n:‘oner:”n! "S'y bg"' to ne:den-tmd thm{»l.h--p"c‘-lm. and the nextonel get on to has got to pay cash down." Surprising Ignorance. “Young man,” he smd in solemn tones, “‘don’t you know that if you persist in nlrinlking you will never got ahead in this worlds'! ““Won't getahead ! repeated the young man. “Why, my dear sir, your igno- rance surprises me. 1'll have a head on s 10-MOITOW MOTNINg s big ns a bar- Wheve the Old Maids Como In. “Do you know, gir,”” inquired an Amer- ican tourist of his companion while doing England, “the reason for tho fresh, healthful appearance of the English peo- ple? Their complexion is far superior to ours, or our countrymen over the her ring pond." “Well, 1 know what Professor 'Uxley says.” HAnd what reason does he advance?” “Well, "Uxley says it is all h'owing to the h'old maids," “Owing to old maids! You surprise m ‘Fact, ’Uxloy figures it out in this way. Now you know the H'inglish are very fond of roast beef#" “But what has that to do maids?’! “Go slow. The genuine H'inglish beef is the best and most nutritious beef in the world, and it h'imparts « beautiful com- plexion!” “Well, about the old maids?" “Yes ou see the h'excellence of this h beef is due h'exclusively to red clover. Do you see the point?’ “All but the old maids. They are not in sight as far as I can see,” replied the American with a sigh. “Why, don’t you sce? I'his red clover is h'enriched, sweetened and fructitied by bumble-bees.” *‘But where do the old maidscome in¥"’ snid the inquisitive American, wiping his brow wearily, “\\'h", it is us plain as the nose on your face. The honly Wenemy of the bum- ble 18 the field mous mines and robs their nest. “But what have roast beef, red clover, bumble-bees, and field micé got to do with old maids?” “Why, you must bo very h'obtuse. Don't you perceive that'the bumble bees would soon bé -« h'exterminated by the field mice if it were not for——"" “0ld maids!” “No, if it were not for cats; and the h'old maids of h'old Hingland keep the country thoroughly stocked up with cats, and so we can directly trace the h'effects of the rosy L'ingligh complexions to tho bemgn cause of H'inglish h’old maids; at least. that's what "Uxley says, and that's just where the h'old maids come h'in. Science makes clear ny mysterious things, my H'american fricnd.”’ with old which h'under- Some Little Ones. A St. Louis syndieate has pur immense tract of land in Mexico, and it is rumored that the first step will be to build a wall around 1t high enough to keep Jay Gould out, It may be that a man ean love but one woman in a lifetime, but if he doesn't get married too early he ean have lots of fun trying to find out which woman it s that he can love. ly had some goods sent homle, marked G. O. D. A little nine-year-old girl exclaimed: “1 know what C. 0. D, : Call on du Which was sin- gularly near the mark. “And who was present when you were assaulted by the prisoner?inguired Judgze Powers of the complainant. *“‘Who was isint during the assault, 1s it? Well, bedad, your honor, 1 was prisint mesilf.” ———— A BAD CHURCH MOUSE, Ran Up Brother Jackman's Trousers During Meeting. New York Star: A church mouse, al- though proverbially poor, has never had its character for meekness questioned. 1t bas never been even hinted that there were any unrighteous frivolities about him. He has been pitied for his poverty, facetiously alluded to as having a brave appetite, and some have even spoken in contempt of his judgment in hanging around a church anyway. But the mouse has borne it all in silence. During services, when' the congrega- tion slopt and the good minister went on i en tenor of his sermon, the se has come out and wade friendly calls at the pews down the main aisle, as if looking for charity from the well-fed people. Nobody ever supposed that this 'lonely mouse would be so vicious as to break up a Methodist prayer meet ing. These meetings arc usually noted for their spirited charges upon the devil and his hosts, and the noise of this en- gagement is generally more than a poor church mouse can_conscientiously tace. But the White Plains mouse ‘in tho Methodist church there was not that kind of a mouse. When Brother Platt was praying in E. sharp, and Brothers Romer and Cox and Jackman wi encouraging him by frequent exclamations of approval away down in G. flat, the mouse came out to sce what was going on, What he saw and heard no donbt aflected his nerye and eaused him to lose his head and bis reckoning, As the battle went on the mouse con- cluded that he must get under cover. Taking the correct bearings for Brother Jaekman’s right trouscrs lez, which guaped a welcome, the poor church mou He ranin. Tt was a fearful mistaki cost mm his life, frightened Jackman so badly that he imagined the old enemy had him, and temporarily broke up Mr. Platt's supplication, When the mouse had turned the bend of Brother Jackman's knee, he ex- olaimed, “Oh, Lord!" in such nl‘-eculinr tone that it arrested the proceedings for aminute. When he supplemented this oxclamation with the earthly remark, “‘Ouch!” and then “Oh, Heaven!" there was not a faint suspic\nn that Brother Juokman was not giving his undivided attention to the remarks which Brothe Platt was uttering. When the eyoes ..5 the astonished brothers and sisters were riveted upon Brother Jackman they be held an excited young man standing he- fore them in a stooving condition, hold- ing on to some real or imaginary sub. stance, they were not certain which, on the inside of his trousers leg just above his knee. His faco grew livid, and his breathing was quick and hard. His oyes were standing out like those of a snail, and altogether he seemed porturbed, ‘Those of the more thoughtful and ex~ perieneed brothers, who had seen the athletic exercises introduced by the “Brooklyn boys,' vaguely suggested to themselves that this might be a rchearsal, but when Brother Jackmmm straightened up hie manly form and shook his Teg liko a tidy cat when she gets her dainty foot wet, and the poor church mouse dropped out of the trouser’s leg limp and flabby on the Axnunster carpet, tho sis ters shricked and the more mature brothers remarked: “‘Well, I swouw." The poor little church mouse was dead. There was no heart in the seryice after this awful discoyery, and when Brother Platt had cut out a good section of his l)rxlynr and Brother Lull pronounced the benediction prayer meeting dissolved. And the poor little dead mouse was thrown out into the cold, eruel snow. for 1l rother “T notice,” s y to a reporter for the Philadelphia Call, ‘“‘that some fool man has invented a collapsi for ladies to wi to public ente ments. Ile might have saved himself Women wear high hats sim- wse they are the fashion. Boauty or ugliness, comfort or convenience havo nothing to do with the question. The collapsing hat is not fashionable and that settlesit. I don't know where our fash- fons come from or who them, but I know wo don’t. American women havo nothing to do but blindly follow, and tell you now in all seriousness, tha the talk 1n newspapers and the indigns tion of the public havenot done a particlo of good. The high hats will go when the fashion changes mullm a day before.” An Ape Taught to Wait on the Table, Court Journal: ral Llorente, a planter in Florida, has -trained a chim. panzee to wait at a ta s that his ape does the work of four negr Ho wears a live wrries his napkin under his arm and wonld be perfect but for a tendeney to take toll of the sweets and M.” Mcnnier assures us that in successfully SUJACOBS Q]], INFLAMMATORY RHEUMATISM. jears statements conftrming Jacobs Ol and its permanent From n Rheumatic Sufferer-1880-Cured. amburg, Berks Co., Penna, T suffered from sovere fflammatory rhenmatism for about 4 weeks; phiysicians uve we no relief, I'was confined to the house, Linibs very mueh swollen, and had o cratvl np and down stairs, Afer fow applications the was gone, aud & fow more entirely cured m, ROLAND 1. LEONARD, From Same 6 Years Later—Permancntly Cured. Hamburg, Berks Co., Pa., Oct. 19, 1886, About six years ago | took sick with in- fiamm malism and by using a dew bolt Jacobs Oil I was ~utirely cured, I cheerfully duplicate my testimo- ny 1 the grand, great und good “eflects of tliv il ROLAND T LEONARD, 5 of 5t From a Deputy Sherii—June, 1881—Cured. Attlchorough, Mj s 1l up with netite rheus fined 6 bed, T was told o sO0IL 1didso and next day s well ns ever. ELIJAH CATRON, Deputy Sheriff, From Same 6 Years Later—Permanently Cured. Attlchorough, Mass,, Nov, 10, 1856, Thad a severe atlack of 'neutd rheunin- tism 50 I conld not take a step; was con- fined (o bed. 1 tried everything to no pur- poso and atlast tried £E Jucobs Ofl, It cured 1ae entively und I cheerfully recom- wend it. ELIJAH CAPRON, Deputy Bheriff, THE CHARLES A. VOGELER CO., Baltimore, Md. 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