Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, October 17, 1886, Page 11

10 B AMONG THE WITS AND WAS. | Variod and Vigorons Assaults on the Hum= gory of the World, EPITAPH ON WIGGINS, aphs on BKipping as a Hustler, Slang and Fast Life in Dakota. Ep on Paw His name i Spriggin wuch like frys Hecould beat an Ogeechice nigger in_ se fie fggerin’ on the social status of a quad aph Pry in Wiggins, i th Wiggins. eannah Ne a8 it Tiny Milesian 110 ence he could bid deiiance to Sir v Dayy or Guy Lussac: \junctions or other, func ut compunction, with’ Mars that would beat Medina's, ¢ planets i the solar tra ercial was Hind and Hers- , Humboldt, Strabo, Keplar, Marius. Astrology, Biology, Denionology, Cyelonco- logy, and the nebula in Saggitarius. He conid for tions, and V His stock com With well planned fictions ana shrewd res. trictions he'd make predictions of wind and weather Butall his gnessing turned out distressing, and as distressing as @ much-sorked feather. Now, heat telluric and gas sulphurie, and tiroes usuric rend earth and rock 8o, Wiggins trying his prophesying, his lonig tongue [ying,sets wonien ciying and strong men tying'to avoid the shock. Perkiniteologist But this seismologist, this his foolish has now 1o apologist o prank, 1is egrexions blunderis a nine 110 may ko to thunder, crank. lays wonder, the Canadian & Financier. Robert Ainsley in the Rambler: He u youth, although not very old. One day his father brought home a’little bank to keep his savings in “Now, Willie,” he bank." *1 choose to be the boy. “Very well, you cuan be the cashier, and T will be the board of directors. Then you and your twosisters and your mother and 1 will all be depositors.” Now 1 will put_ these five new nic in to start with, What will you do § S put in_ iy seven yonnits and a two-cent picee,” he responded. His mother dropped in a couple of dimes, and cach of his sisters a nickel. During the next two weeks numerous doposits were made and all ran smoothly, Then one morning pater familias found himself short of change, and abstracted a dime from the bank™ for car fare. But the engle eye of the young cashier de- tocted the” shortage, and he promptly took what was left The nextmorning, A You said, “we'll start a hier," interrupted 1s lie young financier’s father, wishing to instill alittlo more business knowledge into his bead, snid “Now, Willie, suppose one of the de: positors wished to draw out some money; what would you do?” “The hoy simply pointed to the bank, on which was the following placard PAYME SUSPENI “Why, Willie, what does this mean?” nquired the father “Dircctors overdrew their accounts, the cashier skipped out with the rest,” was the loconic response. “You don’t meun that you have taken the money that was in there, do you?' in a tone of painful surpris “But don’t you know honest?” “Hah!" exclamed the boy scornfully, “did you ever hear of a cashier lotting the directors gev ahead of himy Well, guess not. You bet £ know u little busi- ness. When the directors begim fooling with the finances th ashier ‘guts’ the ank every time." “My boy," said the father admiringly, “gome day you will be a great finaneier; but first you have a few things to learn Never wait for the depositors to prose- cute. Now come with me to the wood shed “Father,” revlied the youth, persuas- ively, “‘cant we compromise this matter in some way? I you won't prosecute I'll see that the bank resumes payment, and won't say anything about the directors drawing out money on the sl 1t was compromi that that is not The Paragraph this funny paragraphing, his facotiousness and chafting, Filling pages all for wages to arouse a dis- mal laush; Gelting bilious and rheumatic oI EXPOSUTe in AN attic, Always busted. dunned, and trusted, write it on my epitaph- ere a moldy wit Is lying,” Which the callous eritic eyeing Asks, “Will ever end in never?—why the ‘the duffer's at it yet! And he's tickling the ber With demoniacal lauchter In contrasting everlasting with his earthly, brief regret.” ter Now for the Truth. Free Press: “‘Say, Jim,” he began, as they shook hands, “how do you stund on this Gettysburg disputey” “Well, I've favored Sickles all alon 480 have 1. Now see here. Right here on this paper 15 Gettysburg,” “Yeos,'' “Along this rond is where came up. 1 see. Howard came up by this road.” “He did,” Sedgwick and his sixth corps travele right along here, and swung into action over there on the second day. " “You just bet they did!" “Lot's see? Sykes must have come up by this road Y 1’m certain of it.” Now, th where were you?' “Well, our sutler wagon was way off here, say zbout twelve miles. Where were youtr" “Iwas with the wagon train off this way, apout seven miles. Say, we've got this thing down to a dot, and’ we ought to write n lotter to some newspaper.’ ‘Zuetly Jim, and we can't Ju it too #soon. It's left to us to straighten out this tangle, and we are the men to do it.” The College. ‘Tihe Rambler: “Where is the college building, John?” asked an old man who was visiing his son in one of the coilege towns. “Right over there, father,” rephed the youth, pointing to large stone building *Handsome building, isn't it¥" “Very, Would you mind taking me over? 1'd like to look i “Cortainly not. 1guess some of the boys are at work there now. Come right along, and I'll show you Bill Jones, our champion oarsman.' o old man wandered about building for s while, and then said “This doesn’t seem to me much like a college, John; it scems more like & gym- nasium. Is this all there is to it¥ “Wall, this is the prineipal building. Of course, we haye u fow other winor onu: “‘Haven't are rooms? Hancock the you any recitation and lee- want {o see those.” “Um-—ah— 1 believe there ure some somewhere. If you want 1o sce shose U'll ask some oné o show us the way. I thought college itself THE you wanted (o s the Slang. hester Neiow He bonght and sold and swindled In oil and r Hnd then he | His While othe: With marg In common sl Or else wen You de: There's not gnate n man vilrond stocks; ived retired with pockets full of rocks,” 10t s0 fortunate, ns blotted out, ang “went under,” t*up the spout.” a brick,'— \ing wrong in that; 4is 1o compliment to say The brick "I'is very commonpls A certain o1 While thou: In being badly Al npy follc Another's a * While still an Comes airin Tt other's ¢ Another one Another's One asks his ¢ is in his hat to say thrashed 1 a sweet delight ‘mashed.” " wa nds HWw's “up to end b othier dudish “swell” 2 down the street. nuft,” a certain friond “a trump,” halt al hum to “shoot that hat,* Or clse “pull down your vest:’ “Lwo sharps Yon say “gi Death sends b 1is watch | Wlhile some v are followed by a *“flat,” ive us a rest.” is vietim 1 the flume, s “up the spout,”’ ile urchin asks you if our mother knows you're out?” Crusoe Was a Hustler Clieago Journal: | from ‘Way Back. stolled into the newsboys' home one day while the boys wore under; seriptures “Who lived?” Fifty handa somting to the b PRV Jimm **Solomon, of Before the his statement, Jimmio shouted N0 ho wasn't “Well, who was he Pete,” teacher. “‘Robinson Crusoe,’ ing wn_exami was the tion in the * teacher asked wisest man that ever shot up. The ten right eyed youth, s who was he? course,” was the reply. cher had time to confirm the “kid” alongside of her, d: neither." asked the nswered Pete “How do you make that out?" asked the teache “Well,” resp wuz a hustler fr duisy of u hustl he hind nothin® was only Getting Alc They get alon, prove’ it clected judg free lance in his curred the enr This lnwyear cu other aay with should hitve bee of But it w yelled the judge. “Motion den on Mormon story word, 1f you pl onded Jimmie, “Crusoc om 'way back, he wuzi a r, too. He pmstled when to hustle wid. Solomon anyhow.” nz Fast in Dakota, « fast in Dake and to is told of a recently- He had been a sort of profussion, and had in- nity ot a cortain lawyer me before the judge the wn ordinary motion which n granted'in due cours isn't. “Motion denied, “But, your honor—" )1 s Your honor, e.”” “Nota word.” “Your honor scems to have a prejudice ginst me. " ve,” said the for your for the don’t get any m Needed “You're d—d right judge. “T've been lying past three years, and you otions in thiis court.” an Earthquake. Texas Siftings: “An earthquake would improve this senger at the he tried to bite i “In what way prietor, too mucl to mind it now. “It might e the erust,” was ix Months With Paul He pupers lately,” zins, “‘that Mi three months you think of tha “That's nothi “Do you who used “Why, he his ting.” Gmnossible! ity wifrond in remember ie,” said a crabbed pas- lunch-counter, as nlo it and failed. * asked the bland pro h accustomed to eriticism blish a readjustment of the reply. ut Bating. Id: *‘I notice by the ud Dr. Black to Spri Louisa Cash fasted for Tennessee. What do xt?? ng n~llel‘d Spriggins old Sam Huideck- to-live out West Seventh of him?" one six months without You don't really mean How on earth did he do the thing? “Why, he died last spring and hasa't eaten anything A Hot Eve Carton, homely girl at “That?—that's Carton; I mean piano.'’ “‘Oh! simee.” ing. who s that awfuily the end of the piano?™ my cousin.” *No, no! at the other end of th that's my sister.”” N knew that was your sister there; but 1 mean the frowsy old thing back of her. “*Ah! back of her? di fan? white fea thut one.” e ou tum “That's my mother. you it's awful h Carton?” “Looking this way coily thers in her i now?"” that’s the one!” “Don't it strike ot liere this evening, Mr. nble! 4 The Time. Boston When polit And Tife Concerning | Courier. fes are getting hot re campaign lies, ot and counterplot, OF most gigantie size, The papers And all far- Resolve to advi w York § hstnut bell?” Oh!it’s a be 5 an old stor; Well, they nut bell It succeeded, ried when Char i 1 have no ring sell lik eel hot cakes then business men Tlise. Sly Girl. in: “Charley, what isa said his girl. 1l that rings when any one y, uldn’t call me a chest- and they are to be mar- ley hus his salary raised The Great Man's Autograph. “The lecture done they crowded round To take himn by the hand— The man whose eloquential words Had sounded When, undisi Came upa boy through the land, ayed by man or place, with daring face, ‘Who held within his dirty hand A dw “Mister, Gimme your 1 will,” the sr \dling pencil’s hilf, hesaid, 1 wish you'd please utograph . " at man kindly said, And lightly touched the urchin’s head, “Then wrote a wild chirography, And mused that this was fane, When lhittle lad: re his wri 5 from off the street itten nawe. at will vou,” asked he with a laugh, My ehild, do with my autograph?” The coming voter viewed the an With something like surprise And answere | About his § “Why, sir, 1 se with a business look youns eyes, 118 *em, don't you see; 1 gits ten cents for yourn !’ said he, Little Bits of Wit, The new Fall V shaped. bonnets they say will be The bills will be XX shaped. Did you ever see a man with a dia- mond collar bu tton who did not think the neckties were going out of fashion? Johnson says Christian whén will ring a ches prayer it it is mighty hard to be a aman has a boy who atbell on him at family , when it is impossible to resent A poor man’ witha large family of daughters will place to reside duged into good find Washington a cheap . After they get intro- i society they will not r quire any clothes to speak of. ‘L see that they advertise ‘a large and full orohestra.! girl is on the arge chorus. there seems to b “He'sno doub tra " ‘Do the doa the examination pulpit. “Well, tated tha applic bank notes.” punged. ou pres »n of an up-town church during I wonder who that fat " “That's one of the “And the cornet player e the worst for liquor.” t one of the full orches- h from notes*" asked n of un applicant for that no-—not exaetly,” hesi- ant; 1 preach for notes He was summarily ex- OMAHA DAILY KAIL YARNS RUNNING-WILD. A B. & M, Spotter Treated to Ten Days in a Snow Pile A TRAIN DISPATCHER'S STORY. Responsible Positions in the Service Railroad Men Who Study- The Only Pass Refusal on Record. How a Spotter Was Treated. Chicago Herald: “The weather getting a it cold reminds me of a story I heard out west the other day, said a drummer. “For a long time the conductors, both passen gor and freight, running between Omaha and Lincoln, Neb,, have been bothered by svotters. A favoriie with the spotters was to climb aboard a freight train on a cold, stormy faght and beg to be carried free to a certain station, telling tales of hard luck, sickness and so on to play on the conductor’s sympathies. Of course, if a conductor happened to be kind enough to do the man a favor he was promptly reported and bounced The boys had so much troublein this way that they swore vengeance, and ono cold night last winter when n spotter, dis guised as a tramp, got aboard freight train at Ashland and begged for a ride to Plattsmouth, the conductor told him he might ride. So the tramp snuggled down into a sent mear the stove in the caboose while the conductor and his brakemen were putting their neads to gether, concocting a scheme for revenge. Down between Oreapolis and Plattsmouth where there are some very deep gulehes by the side of the track, the conductor gave the tramp a lively punch in the ribs and told him that he wonld have to go up on top of the cars for tho rest of his™ jour- ney, as he would get the conductor into trouble by remaining i the caboc when the train entered Plattsmouth. The tramp had no sooner climbed to the top of the cars than the conductor and Ins men seized iim and threw him from the train, ling him into a gulch about thirty teet deep. In thogulen was about fifteen feet of snow, and the unfortunate man was buricd out of sight but not hurt The train men knew the fellow wounldn’t be injured, and they supposed that he would m some way wanage to climb out of the guleh and waik to shelter Imagine their surprise on returning next day to see the spotter still imprisoned by the great w of snow rising on wll “sides of him, and throngh which he had vainly attempted to foree his way. The train boys threw him a couple of old blarkets and the remnants of their lunches, but they didn’t help him out. In fact, asthe story was told me by a_relinbie man who was then running a freight train there, the Tuckless spotter was kept in tiat prison for ten days, feeding all that time on the seraps of lunches thrown him by the train men as they whizzed by, howling i dancing with delight. At the end of the ten days the fellow narrowly esceaped drowning in sudden thaw, ind came out of the siege weighing hbout filty pounds less than when he involunt began it P11 wager that he never g hired out as a railroad spotter.” method A Train Dispatcher's Story. Detroit Free Press: Seyeral years ago I was employed as train dispatcher on a Southwestern American railroad. As usual there were three of us i the ofli I had what 1s called the ond trick,” my lours of duty being from 4 p. m. to he third man, Charlic Burns, me on at midnight and worked m., was a particular friend of mine, He w young man of high cha acter, a tine dispateher, and very popu lar; and when, during the burning day of July, it bicome known among the men that he was confined 1o his room by a severe attack of malignant fever, many were the expressions of regret and of hope for his speedy recovery ., During the trying days of Charlie’s ill- ness Lspent all'the time I could spare by his side, but on_account ot his ubsence trom the ofiice it was nec y for the remaining two of us to “double up” that is, work twelve hours eact, my watch being from 8 p m. to 8, m. I cume on duty one evening f very bad. The wenther was so could not sleep well in the d. sides, I had spent a conside with Charlie, whose 1llness had now reached a critical stage and seemed to show little prospeet of improvement. Hunee, as you may imagine, L was not il pleased to find thut I was likely to i A wreck on the road during the day had thrown ull the gular trains off time, and besides the usual number of special freights there wus a special senger train to leave Linwood, the eastern terminus of our division ‘at 11 p. m., with a Jurge party of exeursionists returning from & pienic. For several hours I had my hands full There was n special train of live stock bound east which had to be kept moving, but was being deluyed by hot journals: nevertheless [ hoped to get them into Linwood before the excursion train started west, As usually happens in such cases, the excursion-train did not get ready to leave on time, and it was 11:40 p. m_ when they reported for orders at Lanwood. I fixed up their orders, got the report of their departure from Linwood at 11:45 and eniered 1t on the train-sheet. Then, hay- ing for the first time that night a few minutes’ breathing time, I rose from the table and went over and seated myself by the window, where it was eooler than under the he gas-jots over the tubl I was alone in the oflice, und s I sut there enjoying the cool breeze whic came in_ through the en window a neighboring church clock rang out the hour of 12. ¥From force of habit T glunced at the «oor, almost expeeting to hear Charlie’s light tootstep on the stuir and see the door open to admit him as of old. “Poor fellow,”" I thought, it will be a long time before he enters that door again, 1f he ever does,”” Just at the last siroke of 12, and waile my eyes were stll fixed on the door, it opéned and Charley Burns entered. My astoni ment may be imagined better than 1 ¢ describe it, My first thought was that in the delirium of fear he had cseaped from his nurses and made his way to tne of- tice, but when I left him . few hours be- fore [ could not have believed that he had strengih to get out of bed. 1 sat and watched him in speechless surprise, which was increased by his strange manner. Instead of his usual hearty greeting he took no notice of me at all,” but walked directly to the tavle and sat down Placing his hand upon the key he began ealling *Q,” which was the signalfor Elm Groye, the first stati six miles west of Linwood. I, 1, ( came the response. “Put out signal for special passenger west and copy.” “Ro,” *'Ko, “Ds," rang out the souuder, with Char lie's mumble fingers uvon the key. “Ro," was the eall for Rosedale, the second st tion from Linwood, eight miles west of 3lm Grove. *I, I, Ro,” came back the ing warm 1 ytime; be- ble part of at ul east comiiig? Ds.” s 1 sat by the window as ralyzed the awful truth flashed neross my mind. [ had overlooked the stock train, thundering eastward twenty miles an hour, and made no provision for its meeting the oxcursion tran. My blood seemed turned to ice as I hoard the re ly P T'hey are at the switch. Re.” Anotlier minute and it would have been too late. Still_apparently oblivious of my pres ence Charlie reached for the order-book with his left hand, while his right contin ued to manipulate the key and 1 heard the sounder click ““Out signal and copy Ds. “Order N 1 “To C.and E Eng. 34 Ro C. and E. Eng. 19 0 “Special east eng nd meet specinal west eng. 19 at Rose: dale 12J. W.M." Quick as a flash came back the responso from each station and in loss time than it takes me to write itihe order had been repeated and signed by the conductor and engineer of tach train, while Charlie copied it into the ‘order book and re wrned his ©0, K. Then, as Irealized that I was saved and a great'disaster-averted, the revulsion of fecling was too much for my oversiramed nerves and I lost cohseiousness. 34 will take siding as awakened by up to find An hour afterward I v a famibar noice and* looked Frank Dwyer, one of our conductors, who had volunteered to watch with Charlie, standing over me. “Wake up, old man, " said he, “I have bad news for you. Charlie died just us the clock was striking 1 1 roused myseif and went to the table Thero on the order book was the order, justas I had heard it clicked out by the Sounder, and “Ro'* was_calling me to re- port the two trains safely by tad I been dreaming and sent the order in my slesp, or had my friend redeemed his profise? T'he writing in the his hand and” I have account for it. order book was in never been able to The rible Re- spunsibilit Chicago Mail: Mr. E now agent of the largest manutacturcers of firc-elarm aparatus in the United States, and Mr. Marvin Hughitt, generat ¢ of the Northwestern railwiy system, were once telegraph operators i the same office, Mr. Hughitt nccepted an ofler from the Nlinois Central com pany, became a train despatcher, and soon rose from that position to be it general superintendent, After he had in 1o rise he urged his old ollice mates cateh on’’ to railroad business, “If you will go at train despatching,” he said, “Itis only n question of time when you will get up to something better,’ Chandler wouldn't do it it for a short time, but found the strain on his nerves too much for hin. He was i istant terror of running two trains sther, and hie says his hair would hay turned gt sagoif he had kept ‘b Chandier, He had tried 3 dispateher gets two trains toward each other sooner or he claims, He may be able to stop 'one of them in time 1o save & wreck and loss of life and property, but soo or later both will get away from him want none of that'kind of respor: Railroad Men Who Study. Texns Siftings: A Chieago paper tell of a youn, A WHo for two years read law on the top of a freizht ear, and at the end of that period he had acqiived such an amount of lexal lore red his admission to the bar. Sitting on head car next to the locomotive would have nssisted him better in getting famil inr with Coke An old ralroader, on reading above circumstance, said to us That's nothing at all. 1 was once King on a passenger train where the entire crew were most indusirious stu dents in one line or anothe: Uhere were two brakemen reading law. “Were they admitted to the bar? “They were admitted to every baron the road, and it there was any hesitation about it they kicked in the door and thrashed the barkeeper. As for myscif,” continued. I studied eivil en s s of the incer hd vou e 4 “I tried load on, stead “What was your conductor studying?’ “He was studying the manly art pugilism.’ “How (o you know?" “Cause he ‘knocked chance he got. The studying painting. SWhat did he paint?”? “His nose, You sce there was e less liquor in the baggag, But the engineer was too mi gaged in running s locomotive to give any time to study, was he not?" “No, indeed; he was a great my cal genius, always study make something. “Did he make anything?” 0, yes; he made $60 2 month, " “I'mean did he make anything out- sidev’” “Often.” What was it?" Amash But our firen uine musical prodigy. have seen im - play. “The piano?’” o, keno!” A wonderful have had?” “Yes, indeed; even who sold papers could he banjo? “No, n pocket,” Jayout a township?' to do it once, when | had n but I got Luid out myself in down’ every aggageman wis an was a gon- You ought to smart erew you must the candy butcher pic The Only Pass Refusal on Record, Mrs. Ray and daughter, of Patrick county, who walked from that county to Richmond, a distance of 240 miles al weeks ago, with a petition signed by hun- dreds of the citizens of Patrick county, for the pardon of Mrs. Ray's son, who 15 sentenced 1o the penitentiary for house- breaking, called upon the governor yes terduy regarding her avpeal. Governor Lee has sent to Patrick county for the sapers in the crse and has not heard rom them yet. He informed her of the fact, and told ber he could take no action i the matter until he received the papers. The governor then told her that he thought it useless for her to remmn, and offercd to pay her way back on the train No, ndood,” roplled Mrs, Rug, vory empl afraid o tically; ©1 am them taings, and prefer being upon the ground and walking to riding in them.”’ “Haven't you ever ridden upon one#" asked the goyernor. “No, indeed,” repiied Mrs. Ray. “When I sec one a-comin I always get as far from the road as possible. 1 wouldn't like to ride on one of them for nothing."” He Was a Conduc Paul Globe: “I want to ms body in a knock-down contest,” said “u deheate-looking mag us he stepped into a newspaper office and addressed the sport- ing editor. Aeather weight, I suppos the sporting editor “Don't make any difference how big or how little hie is, 1 can do him up.” “How much « side.” “Anythiug from $1,000 to $5,000 a side; make it §500 forteit.” “Bare fists, “Certainly; how cbuld gloves on¥" “Queensbury rules?” 141 don't khow anything about th Queensbury line. Where does that run tor” “There is evidently a misunderstand ing. Didn't L understand you to say vou wished to make p ‘mateh’ for a prize fighty" 3 “Never thought of such a thing.” You said a_knogk.down contest?" Cortainly.” Aud arc ot a fighter?" “No; I aw a conduetor.* ch any- ' remarked we work with |FIVE FIELDS FOR WOMEN, Stenography, l‘rp:::; Teackin THE SPECTRE OF MARRIAGE Teaching portant »f the Young the Most lme of All, While Literature W in Newspaper Oftices, is a Good Second nen Joe Howard gratfying to note that among F's 15 of the day, in fact, of is the labor of and in varic Ims \ Globe: It the pro the age m Boston sic women, on, f v v th ) fr to t the moment nogra d, type th, teaching of woman | ocenr | st us are, f writing; third fitth, all, A thor stenogr r it dis than pt hy ind worst hatd ¥ hard to flir wnd 1 really heliey women asa rule an men. A man, studging veduces himself go far as he ean, ing lligent enough to see the neeessity for so doing, reduces himself, T say, far he cun, to the position of & ma chine, his enr, sense and hand acting as a harmonions whole, itis a yery rare ft when he can follow with his mind a tram of thonght, the mere which he is expeeted eorrectly 1o upon a page have had thirty with D s brig! stenog: e be in words of and ab shorthand paper. 1 years’ expericnee ers, and I have found that the moment o man attempts to un derstind the matter he is writing, so asto enter at times, at moments of leisure,into a discussion of the subject, he becomes of no special use. Women, as a rule, ex- peet to understand what they are about and my experience is that if they drop word or'a part of a sentence they attemnt to supplement it fromg their own fimd of knowledge, and in the process of supple menting they ignore the present and soon become inextricably embarrassed Then, too, practice 1s what is needed most of ali, after the rudiments of the e mastered, for stenography is a sciencee, and ahard one, and @ woman who expects to devote her life to th practice of stenography is a rara avis in deed. What does she exvect? — She ex pects to get married. A man goes into it for his life work He says to h com in of solutely transeribe useif, ©1 will n nographer, and two or theee thousand dollirs a year Tor Uit and with o perfunctory seiviee, to which I will add what I ean by oceasional j , or by work obtained regularly from the newspaper oftice.” That spectre of | matri ds before every woman alive, a few exceptions but prove the 1 have time 1 «court st will g REst had occasion to write of women rs before. I they will de ves toit, as a business, all oy are just a8 good s any man rattempted it. The difticulties vay are mental and physical Mair ! an thinks, “‘sooner or Iater dear Charley or Ge will come 1 and ol we will skin to the MEASURES THE AR BELLS, sical requireluents of an aetive, ous stenographer, type-writer X v, uresuch as tix the av Us strength, Her head, her ce linble tonche. Siting in s cramp od position causes her pajus i the chest Nosnow storm is ever pleasant to go out in, and exposure to the rains and under a burning sun is_likely to give her thousand » one ills to” which her par ticular kind of flesh is heir to, aund that mukes trouble m the oflice. In my judgment the highest work per formed By men or women is the teaching the ydung. Everything in the future de- pends upon the teachings in the pregent, I'he man or woman competent to take child, to impress upon his mind what he should know, to mould his moruls so that his feet will naturally tend to planes tt are high and in paths that are noble, is fit to stand wmong kmgs and dine with ns. Yetthe drudgery of the work ean never be exaggerated in words. Th pay is poor, the compensation, so far as putation is concerned, is next to noth- ing, aid the great sordidness of the world shows itself in no place so con- spicuously as when it deals with the teachers of its ehildren, Well, if itis not a good iden for our girls to take these virions roads to success, or to become tenchers, what onght they to do? Go into stores as shop-girls,” and_parade themselves as “‘salesladies, lit- tle thinking of the ridicule they bring upon themselves by calling themselves names, which, if applied (o their brothers and musculine friends would be to heap contempt upon them® Who ever heardof a *“*sales-foreman’™ or sales-gentleman?™ Why not say “sales woman” as well as “salesmen?”’ [)l seems to me that one glinee at the girls stand- ing behing the counters of our great re il stores vught to satisfy any person that it is the last diteh into which they could get by any possible tumble. In {hios pincos the Wwork hns nothing stimu- lating about it. 1t sti it acts in no sen tonic to the brain It 13 physiaue-wearing, patience-cxhaust- inw. The average puy of these poor girls in ¥ per week. “Out of tlat they must pay their board, clothe themselyes— and clothe themselves respeetably. too—vay theirear fare, the doctor’s bills, and for what little plcusure they get in the way of amusement. Now, I do not intend to prexch morality, but I simply open the door and ask you to look m yoursclf at the 10,000 girfs in this great city, whose average OMPENSATION 15 $8.50 PER WEEK, with an enforcea ation 1n many of the larger stores of from six to eight weeks duration, during which they get no puy whitever, and then tell me whether this is a school for virtue, whether this a promenade on which cun be safely placed the tender fect of girls too young to understand the meaning of the snares that eneircle them, but old enough to wish to dress as well as their compan 1008, and weak enough to follow any example, however pernicious, that they may get'on. Now, ull this leads up to the que Where shall they go \{'mn shall the 1t seews o me that, outside of the tories, where children arc little better than slaves, there are fields of labor in which the unquestionable intellect and marvellous adaptiven physical, of women might be utilized. I am not 'very familiar with spinning and the varied cognate employments connected with it, but 1 believe there is a realm in which women could do an immense amount of work, and for which they would receive pay (they would bate to tuke “wages,"! SUDpOsE) commensurate with their achicvements. House: hold servi snial service, ot necessity, oceupy the time and attention of thou. sunds. So far us cities are concerned that class of work is monopolized almost entively by foreygners, but throughout the great country, on New England farms, on western ranches, there are opportunities where self-respecting and self-reliant girls could find congenial em ployment. The great picture dealers of this city tell me that they sell with won derful rapidity, and at most gratifying prices, on sketches and water-color picturés, done by men or women, 80 long as the subjects are unique und sympa- thetic. Women's intentions are quicker, THEIR SENTIMENTS ARE FINER, and o they ought to be beiter able o select subjocts, which, being pleasaut to o AGi 1o latent energy jon, BEE: S[TND:\\;. OCTOBER 17 1886 ~TWELVE PAGES. e S A ——— T ———————— them, would be agreeable to purchasers A portion of ty churches have woman orranists, ome of ourl \F‘,"v st conecrns have woman accountants. The best proof-reader 1 ever knew woman Women in a newspaper ofl rule, are a nuisancee Tlho reason of this is two fold they insist in terms and in manner upon being treated women. They want their _little episode of forge(fulness passed over very lightly, n they were ill.but hecause they are women I'he ordinary woman writer scizes al most intuitively upon fashions her topic, as though dress and its idiosvn jos wore the chief thought of thei roaders, and therefore of themselves They are nnwilling to be directed, They arc often petty and small i their com prehension of aff They ar matter of course, obviously pre from cortain phases of newspaper but 1 ¢ room | found rvice and in the p m, as 1 say lor [ ever knew waus a woman Literature, the world around e a fair field for women. If they wonld be content to enter before the mast and work their way up, ivrespective of their sex, or of any special domestie trouble that might be annoying them. In other words, if they wish to stand shoulder to shonlder with their brothers, receive a man's pay for a man's work, they should be content also to take the risks and to expect the hazards, precisely as their brothors are compelled to, %o “that, after all, it scems to me the lirst thing our wivls shonld be taught, as a necessity ot self-rehance for their own support, the necessity of o training to some special ond, precisely as a boy is trained to some special end, and then go ahead with the understanding that thew work is a life's work mto which matrimony, it it comes at all, comes as a divertant and an aid, a help, was a ce, as a First, hecause irs, s n Tuded work, mposing them o man et Dest seems to The Lost Souls of Siberia, London Post: A graplic picture of the condition of those unfortunates who are fitly deseribed as “lost souls™ ia drawn in the work on Siberia by the Russian writer Jadrenzefl, a German edition of which has just been published by Professor E. Petri, of Berne, But fow of the atiain to the possession of a which 1s meant @ miserabie hut of them are in reality the bondsmen of the Siberian peasants, by whom they are hired; that is to say, they remain in their debt as long as they live, and satis fied when they can get money for drink- ing on holiduys from their masters. But as the majority of the exiles are rogues ind vagabonds by profession, who are afraid of work, the number of fugitives wre constantly inerensing, who steal, rob and plunder whenever a chanee offers, and thus intensify the natural antipathy of the settlers against the class of the de ported. The peasants have every cause to be incensed against them, for, besides sullering from the malpractice’ of the couvict cluss, they have to bear the cost of the crection and preservation of pris- ons for the exiles, organize hunts for the capture of runaways, provide gnards for them, and tind the taxes which cannot be rais mong the deported class. But the greatest gaps in the ranks. of the exiles are caused by the almost systematic es cape of the latter from forced labor from the conviet seitlements, No less than 15 per cent of the deported eseape qurimg transport. Many of them are shot down Iike wild beasts by the peasants and na- tives, and an_observer of Siberian life made a very true remark when ne said that Siberia would searcely have been able to overnower the runaway exiles if peasiants had not annihilaied them. e most extreme measures to check the system of esenpe are the hunts by the natives, organized by the Russian gov- ernment. The natiye reccives three rou oner “dead or The people are arms and ammuni- tion, 50 us to make hunting the escaped prisoner 1 success. One of those few who managed to eseape was seized in- s na- tive village, and when brought before the courthe smd: “For two years I have wandered about, have swim through rivers and seus, have crossed Siberian forests, passed through steeps and mount- ains—and no one has touched me, neither man or boeast; but here, in my native vil- I nhave been seized uand cast into ns.”’ The escape from forced labor d become 50 common t the admin- istrators of convict establishments were in the habitof calling out, when receiv- ing prisoners, “Whocver wishes to stay, let him take clotl he who wants to run away will not need them.'” 1t should be observed that the clothes left behind by cseaped conviets, so as to guard agaimst eapture, are the perquisites of the prison authoritics Whilst the statistics show an incredible increase in the number of crimes com mitted by exiles, proving the efliciency of the system of deportation ns a corre tive delusion, they are c ly condemn natory of its much vaunted cheapness to the state, The cost of transport of a Si- berinn deporte is estimated at 50 roubles, 0.) Rut in this estimate are not in cluded the cost of transport to the main route (steamers on the Vogs and Kama), and thence to the place ot destination, the maintenance of his family if he is ac compunicd by 1, the maintenance in prison till the spring, as trantsports in winter have been abolished, ns well as the cost of the milita rd, so that the expenses of transpor cach conviet to his place of destination amount to aboat 300 roubles ($225), a sum that would be suflicient to keep him at least four vears in the dearest prison of Kuropean Russia. But this sum is raised to 800 rou bles (8000) by the expense attaching to the muintensance of etippe routes, escorts, prison along the route, and ctappe houses, not to reckon the burdens im- posed upon the population, who have to provide vehicles and bospitals, and their losses through theft and crime of all de- scriptions. A simple ealeulation, consequently, ought to be in favor of those in Russiu who raise their voices against degrading in mto u receptacle for “lost souls.” rdrnzeff savs: *“The system of depor tion has converted Siberia into a sewer; deportation bhus been the cause of much injustice and harm done to the country. By mixing the deported with the populi- tion, crime was accorded a wider scope. The'exiles are at present in an extremely miserable and objectionable eondition, and Sibe receives, instead of useful workers, a numerous, homeless, and lazy prolotariat. By the present deplorable condition of the banished the punisi- ment inflicted doos not lead to reform, but wields a result quite the reverse, con- sisting in the demoralization of the exiles and un increase in vagabondism and rime. exiles ever by house, Most alive, to th providea with Garland Doesn’t Read Boston Record: “Dan’l, how my cabinet this morning ¥ “All present or accounted for,” re- sponded the faithful aide briskly “Art sure?” inquired the president ear nestly “Siire,” was the reply. The president bowed his head for a moment over his desk, and then upturned his sad face to the light, with the words “1 see but one gloam of hope, Dan'l Touch my Pan-Elcetric bell Th s ) | in silonee. in appeared und stood witl “1 pray th stornly, “atiac cullis of mine how tenpenny nails.’! ow the inseription u was us follows Resignation has fallen ‘into noxious desuetude.’* stands Gid the president, ward 10 the post: ad mind you use on the placard DEGENERACY OF THE DANCE. Eprecsive Evolutions of Ancionts Oompared with the Modern “All-Hands-Round.” IMPRESSIVE FEET OF EXPERTS, The dJoys and Sorrows of the Romans Piotured tn the Dance—The Par- ent of'the Modern Ballet- Pigures of Specch, The S vrimitive state of only faculties de- and emotion, it 13 onsy would become usuad means of communieating and ex pressing the joys and sorrows of A savage tribe, ‘The almost habitual stato of war | would natural suggest an excited dance as the best means for stirring up the young braves to conrage and action a custom, indeed, existing still in a modi fied form in the’ loud chorused patriotic songs of Eugland From the frantic war dance of the American Indian, with its weird associa tions, to the modern ballet there scems little natural sequence, and yet it will be found that one and the same essentinl is, or should be, charactenistic of both, In both the central idea is a suitable ex pression of emotion, and hence daneing bocame in process of development a dis tinct adjunct of the worship of the gods. I'he original Greek chorus signified & company of singers dancing in a ring bout the altar of Dionysius. Plato, too, Iared that all dancing should be an igrton, whilst ameng the Roman: it was considered an indocency to danec In a when civilization how to see dancing All this goes to prove that a definite i tention was always understood, nnd that dancing was not regarded as mere pos turing or posing, but that it had an intel ligible language of its own, Adam Smith tells us that dancing is much more expressive than musie, and that the minuet, where the woman, after pnssing and repassing the man, gives him first one hand and then the other and then both, was originally a Moorish dance, representing e passion of love e’ Pyrrhic dance of Sparta repre sented real warfare, and the dance of the Enmemdes 15 said to have been so fearful as 1o terrify all the spectators. The Roman tuneral dances would na tally g o from the religious senti ments associated, thoveh it is hard now to realize the appropriateness of having w bufloon in attendance to dance an imitation of the character of the deceased Inthe reign of Augustus two remarka ble men brought abbut « complete revo lution in dancing. Their names wero Pylndes and Bathylius, and to them must be aseribed the invention of the panto mime ballet. From the accounts of the time performances seem to have heen won derful, the sveetators being able without diflienlty to follow the most claborate plot, and even to understand the most minute allusions. A writer of the day s: “Their very nod speaks, their hands talk and their fingers bhave a voice." A memorable ise. trinl of strength took place between Pylades and a rival by name of Hylas, Ihe Iatter dancing hymn which closed with the words, * great Agamemnon, ' to ess that idea Stood ercet, as if ng his size Pylades exclaimed, “Al, you make him tall, not great.” The audicnce begged Pylades to dance the same hymn, and when he eame to the w 5 colleeted him- self in a posture of deep meditation. The silent pantowmimi range, we are told, was perfect. So highly were these esteemed that many of them were child- ren of the graces and virtues, and such an influence had they over the Roman peonle that when a quarrel oceurred be tween Pyludes and Bathyllus the emperor himself interfered to bring about a re newal of fricndship. Fora considerable period, owing prob- ably to Gothic and Vandal invasions, pantomime let beeame almost extinet an Italy, but in the fifteenth century it revived, and has maintained vitality over since, Female dancers were first introduced in the ballet at an entertainment given the court of Loujs XIV, in 1681, and length the art was brought to its gre: perfection by the celebrated Nouverre, who was connected with several of tne royal courts of Europe as maitre de balley uring the latter part of the last century. Accordme to him the qualifications of s ballet master are terribly exacting. A right knowledge of mythology is abso- lutely necessary; ancient poetry, chr nologzy and painting are also requisite not {o mention the trifling additior. of geometry, anatomy and music, a pretty good dose for the modern tersichorean digestion. But Nouverre had the right principle at heart, and we eannot do better in clos- ing this brief inquiry than by quoting s own words respecting the true aim of what , to him, the bighest art. He s I'he ballet should be complete 1tomime, and, through the ¢ enk, as it were, to the very soul of the spe tor.” pantomines Grant's Horse. Ben: Perley Poore m Boston Budget: General Grant was particulurly proud and fond of his st of horses. His war charger was an especial favorite. He took great delightin exinviting his horses to his friends with whom he was inti- mate. Onee at his st with a friend he said: “Perhaps vould like to see the horse I rode during all the campaigns L eommanded " The animal was ordered to be prought out. The gentieman was surprised 1o find the horse no lnrger thun a lady’s palfrey—small, slender, agile- limbed, bluck as coul, intelligent, mild, an eye like a hawk, and a lick on the manc for all the world like u boy's cow lick. 1t wns such an animal as” women and children would make mto & famil pet. The gentleman pronounced the ani mal a beauty, but expressed a doubt as to its endurance indurances” sard the general; “this animal exceeds in endurance any horse flesh 1 ever saw. 1 have taken him out ut duylight and kept in the saddle till dack, and be came in as fresh when I dismounted us when he started in the morning. There isn't golid in America to buy him. He is an imported horse of fine breed and was once o Jefl’ Davis's plantation.” This was just before Davis was caught, and the visitor said: I pre sume you would exchange the horse for Joft Davis “You have said it,' cluimed Grant; I would oxchange hin for his old master, but for nothing else in the world."” 1850 Trottors, New York Sun: In one reepect this has been a great trotung year, and in an- other it has been the re There hus been agreat number of fa<t horses out tnan ever betore, but the fast est veterans have not repeated their feats of past years nor have any new ones ap ared to take their place 3 has been aten but once, by Harry Wilkes, and he improved this record, which belonged to him lust year, by & quarter of a second only. Maud 8, the brightest star, has not shown in public, and her 2.08¢ is o long way oft from the eapacity of any of ber'vivals. fhen the pacers” have done nothing. We do not think 2:14 has been beaten, and Johnson, the champion of 2:06}, has not shown up at all Sull, the trowing turf is in healthy state. It has, no doubt, bocn building a foundation broader und more substantial upon which seime yours bonce | womoere britliant hght thas ever knows | before shall erse. a vory