Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, June 4, 1881, Page 12

P | s AT THE DEPOT. Walking np and down Platf Past the d wh ffee stear Where the hnuts, ¥ nand d } Call up hungry me tream Where six bits they e for fillin That you swallow 1 and straight As the fifteen mir anish And the train takes up its gait Read 1 this, that takes the cakes “Ooffee like yonr mother makes!” Tonched was every tender feeling Thoughts of home came rushing fast; Sympnfiu-m- chords responde For my dinner hour was p Far from home, to all a stranger, Here, 'mid all this rush and din, 18 one soul who had a mother, Kindly taking strangers in; And T mused on mother's ca “Coffee like your mother make Then, instinctive, d Drew I to that « Ordered quick the fr nt bev'rage, Feari ald or burn T'i_m\- flnrnhn,\' lips conveyed it, Rager in my haste to win Mem'ries of a sainted mother, Scalding hot as melted tin Ah! thought I, this takes the cakes “Coffee like your mother makes!" rward wand'ring, ming urn than lye, and muddy, nd aths 1 swore 0O forgive your darling, rsed you ne'er before ! this takes the cak your mother mak cril “Coffee liki NEW-MAN, A PLEASANT LOVE. “I have Maggie,” he said, one day, about eighteen months after he had gained his commission. They were walking along the green listening to the ceaseless murmur of the sea, as at in- tervals they had walked and listened ever since they could r any rate, she was six years younger than her former play-fellow. “You are going to be promoted,” she said. “Promoted, you little goose! No one ever gots promoted in the British army. Guess again.” “You are going to marry an heir- ess.”” There was a lump in her throat as she said it. “Wrong again. No estimable young person with green eyes, a turn- up nose, susceptible heart, and fifty thousand a year has turned up yot. But it's something nearly as good. T am ordered to China, “Oh, Ali gasped, and hurst into tears. It was very foolish of her, but then she was only 16, and had not yet acquired the l»minuwurl.hy art of concealing her feelings. “Why, whatever are you crying for 7" he asked, and kissed away her tears. He'd kissed her ever since she was five, and thought no more of it than if she had been his sister, or the cat, excepting perhaps that it was nicer — which it was, no doubt. “I shall only be away five years at most, and when I come back T'll bring you a pig- tail, and an ivory tooth-pick, and a whole lot of things, and—" “Yes,"” she said, listening atten- tively. ““But then you'll be a young woman —Iforgot - and ‘out,’ and all that sort of thing, and won’t condescend to speak to a poor lieutenant; you will have all the squires and fox-hunters about the place at your leet.” ‘‘Oh no, indeed, I shall not Alic,” she said, eagerly. “But I t:fil you you will, T believe you are a born little flirt, and I shall come back and find —" But she burst into tears again, and put up her pretty little hand as if to stop his teasing, which she could not bear just then, It seemed so cruel of him to laugh and joke when he was going away for five years, Ho did not seem to care a bit, and she could have broken her heart on the spot, and would have gladly doneso, and thrown away the pi never to be bothered Then seeing her mou 28, he was merci- ful. “I believe T shall come back and find you just as great a little darling as you are now, and if we've got any money we'll get married and live happy ever after, andif we haven't we'll get married and starve ever after —unless, of course, the heiress turns S got some news for you, “Cluess what it is.” lanes of Perlock, member; at p. “‘Oh, T hope she won't!” said Mag- gie, like a truthful little idiot. ‘‘Shall you ever write to me, Alic, dear?" ‘‘Yes of course I shall, and I shall expect you to write back six pages crossed, and all that sort of thing, you know.” 8o Alic Granger went to China, and Maggie waited hopefully enough fer a lotter, but six months passed and none came, ‘‘Perhaps it takes longer for a letter to get here from China,” she thought, knowing as little about the means of transit and the time it took as if the celestial city had been in the moon. But a year passed, and 80 no letter came, um{ Maggie jour- neyed into womanhood, but no words or sign came from Alic Granger, and at last she gave him up altogether. Maggie was twenty years old when her father died, and the creditors did pounce down, and she and her mother were sold out. Mrs. Dunlop was of- fered a home in London by a sister who was well off and bad-tempered, and it was thankfully accepted. Maggie went as governess into the family of a Mrs, Marshall of Wool- wich, Mrs, Marshall'’s daughter by her first husband was really mistress of the establishment, for Maria Patter- son had a strong will, and she was an heiress. ‘‘A very nasty heiress, too,” poor Maggie thought, and she was right, for Maria was skinny, and thought herself sarcastic, and ulwu)’n said nasty things to people who did not dare to say them back again. One evening, when Maggic had been about a year at Woolwich, and she was sitting alone in her school- room as usual, for her pupils had just said good-night and been delivered to the tender mercies of their nurse, Miss Patterson walked in very much dressed and rather flushed and ex- cited. “‘Miss Dunlop,” she said, ‘‘we shall have a few friends this evening, and 1 know one or two of them like an im- promptu dance; will you be ready to * come in the dn'mfi_mon and play if o - by black gown and stuck I'HE ( white flowers in her golden hair, and waited patiently for the summons When it came, with a roll of music un der her arm, a flush on her innocent, frightened face, and a scared, almost hunted expression in_her eyes, she descended and timidly opened the drawing-room door, and there stood | still for a moment, staring in aston ishment. There sat the heiress, with an eager, pleased exprossion on her face, and leaning over, her, talking and laughing, and more handsome than ever, and sunburnt and soldierly-looking, was Alic Gran er. The color rushed to Maggie's ace, a8 if to say a hurried good-bye, and then left it altogether. She re covered self-possession, however, and | walked with what she flattered herself was great dignity towards the piano. She felt rather than saw him raise his head and look at her, and the next | moment she saw him by her side “Maggie my dear Maggic! Why, fancy you being here; where did you { come from? T have heen trying to | find_you ont for months T thought you"—and then she di¢ | not know how to go on, so added, al | most piteously, “I am the governess here “Are youl Oh, T see, then, that is the reason T have not scen you hefore, [ T suppose |~ Do you really know Miss Dunlop? | the heiress asked, coming up and speaking in her coolest manner, Maggie wished sincerely she conld sink into her shoes and bury her self. “Why of course 1 do; we have been play-fellows ever since 1 was horn— haven't we Maggie?" And Maggie, fecling that she backed up, answered bravely: Yon," “Oh,indeed, how interesting!” then turning to Maggie: ““Will you be so good as to begin a waltz, Miss Dun- lop? This was to be our dance, I'think,” to Alic, and she sailed off with him trivmphantly. He came to her directly after the dance was over. “T went down to Perlock to try and find out where you had gone to,” he said, “‘but noboily knew “Tt didn’t matter,” shesaid, huskily, lotting her fingers wander mmmfy over the keys to make bolieve she wasn't very much interested in what he said. “Yen it did it mattered a great deal. Why, I've got a box full of curiosities for you—clubs to fight with, and a little heathen god or two, and a statue of Buddha and all sorts of things. T told you Ishould bring you them home. Do you live here—I mean in this house?” He said theso last words under his breath, for the heiress came up, and the next minute was carried off to dance with Mrs, Somebody at the other end of the room, but not before Maggie had nodded a reply to him. Soon after this Miss Patterson came up to the piano, and saying she wishe 1 to play herself, and that Maggie looked tired, dismissed her without being able to get even another look at Alic, The next morning, to Maggie's very great surprise, Miss Pattorson came into the school-room, before the chi dren had assembled. “ Miss Dunlop,” she said, stiffly, *‘I should like to know where you say you met Mr, Granger.” ‘“ At Perlock. His uncle lived next door to my mother. He is a very old friend, indeed” —— “Thank you. 1 merely wished to inquire, because, of course, you must be aware that it is not usual for any one in your position to make herself remarkable by having long confidence talks with any gentleman who may visit the house.” “I don’t know what you mean, Miss Patterson!” Maggie said indignantly. But Miss Patterson had swept out of the room without deigning to reply. Then Maggie went into her little room, the one place she had in the world entively to herself, and eried till her eyes were red and her head ached. The lessons did not morning. Maggic thinking of Alic, who was no doubt strolling about the common listening to the band and making love to the lciress. T'he children were more than usually stupid, too, and_all the world seemed upside down, and all its ways turned crooked. Suddenly, at about 12 o'clock, just when Maggie was in the middle ‘of expounding as best she could the eccentricities of the French grammar, there was a knock at the school-room door, “‘Come in,” she said. The door opened, and there stood before her astonished eyes the form of Alic Granger, and behind him was a man —evidently his servant —with a box on his shoulders. “‘All right, Tom, put it down; that's right; now be off. There, T've brought the curiosities round, Maggie; I thought you would like to sce them.” “Oh! What will Mrs, Marshall and Miss Patterson say,” said Maggie in consternation. “Nothing to you for the next half hour or so, for I'have just seen them on their way to Woolwich, and thought Ishould get a quiet chat with you. My dears,” he said, turning to Maggie's wide-oyed, open-mouthed l;upn 5, “T'm quite sure you'd like to o lot off with your lessons, so I'll let Y.;u off for an hour; run along, my ittle dears,” and he opened the door for them and shut it after them, “Oh, Alic!" she said, in fear and trembling. ©'Oh, Maggie!” he answered, ‘‘what do you mean by going away from Perlock, and not {wu ing any address?” “I couldn’t help it and you never wrote,” “No, T never write letters; don't know how to spell well enough, But 1 have been hunting for you all over the place, and never dreamed of find- ingyou here. Now we'll unpack the box; 1 had it opened before I came; so it's only fastened by a lock,” “But, Alic, they'll never forgive me. “Never mind; it doesn't matter, bo- cause if you are good I'll take you away next week, ides, they'll for- give me anything, 1 saved the colo- nel’s life when he was in_Hong Kong —at least so he says. There, now, what do o think of these for fight- ing with! Got them at Java on pur- ruw for you," and he held up a pair of heathenish-looking clubs and brandish- ed them over her head, and then pro- ceeded to pull out the rest of the con- tents of the box and to decorate the school-room with them. ‘“There’s Mr, Buddha, and there's—why, what's the matter, Maggie?” “‘Nothing, only you will get me into was progress that YMAHA DATLY BEI M n came in 1 n 1 me r tall 4 y mght | ¥Never mind, she's only jealous,” | he laughed. “Now tell me how soon you can leave here “What for ¢’ she asked, innocently “Why, you haven't forgotten that | reed to get married when we came back, have you, little coquette ! and he put his arm around her waist just as of old, and was not rul.ru\ml It was so very comfortable, she thought. “No, but you are engaged, are you not?’ | | we es, of course I am “‘Oh, but Alic “Oh, but Maggie — And then he stopped and kissed her, and nothing more could be said, for the door opened and there stood | Maria Patterson | Of course there was no rejoicing on the part of Maria, but, not ing, Alic and Maggie were married within the month to you i: SATURDAY, JU “QUESTIONS ANSWERED.” Jast | A Visitor Who Was Above the Vanities of This World. oklyn Fagle “Are you one of the editors of this newspaper!” she asked, in a fluttering tone, approaching the man who does the “Questions Answered’ for The Eagle. ‘‘Yes," he replied, taking her in at a glance. ‘‘Make the waist plain and shirr on the skirt; put in an apron front and leave the back of the dress full with a narrow flounce at the bot- tom,” and the encyclopaedia turned away to his work, “I didn’t want to ask you about dress she faltered. “I hope 1 am above the vanities of this world, T have been a church member, but T am bewildered about my responsibili- ties,” and her eyes filled with tears. “Are you an idiot, lunatic, mar- ried woman, or habitual drunkard?” inquired the “‘Questions” man, run- ning over the Novum Organum to How a Chinaman Rides a Bronco | By Bill Nye When a Chinaman does most any tNing own peculine Oriental | style, it is pretty apt to attract atten but when he gets on a bucking in his |aman who understands his busines: and has be of the broneo for over 2,000 years, the great surging mass of humanity ceases to surge, and stands with bated breath and watches the exhibition with un- flagging interest. A Chinaman does not grab the bit of the bronco and yank it around till the noble st can see thirteen new and peculiar kinds of fireworks, or kick him in the stomach and knock his ribs loose or swear at_him till the firmanent gets loose and begins to roll together like croll, but he does his hair up in an oriental wad behind and jabs a big hairpin into it, and smiles and says something like what a Guir- ea-hen would say if she got excited and tried to report one of Bjoernst- jerne Bjoernson’s poems backwards in his native tongue, Then he gets on the wrong side and slides into the saddle, making a re- mark as though something inside of him had broken loose, and the grand difficulty begins, At first the bronco seems surprised and temporarily rat- tled intellectually, and he nmnnl‘; idly in the glad sun-light and allows s mental equilibrim to wobble back into place while the Chinaman makes some observations that sound like the dis- tant melody of a Hancock club going home at 2 o'clock a. m., and all talk- in;i at one and the same time. 3y-and-by the bronco shoots athwart the sunny sky like a thing of life, and comes down with all his legs in a clust- er like a bunch of asparagus, and with great deal of force and expression, This movement throws the China- man's liver into the northwest corner of the thorax, and his upper left-hand deuodessimo into the middfe of the subsequent week, but he does not com- {:lnin. He opens his mouth and breathes in all the atmosphere that the rest of the universe can spa nd rumljuatin;f his shirt tail so th it will have the correct inclina- tion toward the horizon, he gent ly tickles the bronco on the starboard quarter with the cork sole of his cor- pulent shoe. This mirth-provoking movement throws the bronco into the wildest hysterics, and for twenty minutes the spectators don’t see any- thing very distinctly. The autumn sunlight seems to be mixed up with blonde bronco, and the softened haze of October secms fraught with blue shirt tail and disturbed China- man, moving in an irregular orbit and occasionally throwing oft metec articles of apparel and pre historic chunks of igneous profanity of the vintage of Confuscius marked B. C. 1880. When the sky clears up a little the 5 hangs in wild profu features, breeze for thirteen weeks. He finds column and jammed two extra ribs hrough the right superior duplex, and he hag two or three vertebrae floating about through his system that hedon’t know what to do with. The casual observer can see that the Chinaman is a robust ruin, while the bronco is still in a good state of preservation. But the closing scene is still to come. The broneco summons all his latent energy, and humping his back up into the exhilerating atmosphere, he shoots forward with great earnest- ness and the most reckless abandon, and when he once more bisects the earth's orbit and jabs his feet into the trembling earth, a shapeless mass of brocaded silks and coarse black hair and taper nails, and Celestial shirt tails, and Oolong profanity and disor- ganized Chinese remains, and shat- tered Oriental shirt destroyer, comes down apparently from the New Jeru- salem, and the oner goes out on the street to get six good men and & chemist, and they analyze the collec- tion. They report that deceased came to his death h‘v reason of concussion sup- }lusud to have been induced by his all from the outer battlements of the sweet bye and bye. A Mysterious Beast. Orange county, New York, is great- ly excited about a mysterious beast which is said to make nocturnal raids around the neighborhood. There is only one person—a negro —who will swear he has seen the strange animal, but there are scores of persons who claim to have seen evidences of his to ha when startled by the approach of men. The negro says he mi.L-uly wet with it at the mouth of a cave on the farm of a Mr. Green, and that it stood erect to the height of seven or eight feet and screeched so loudly that at frightened him so badly that he fainted. When he regained his senses the amimal had gone. Parties have explored the mouth of the e on Green's farm, and while they claim to have discov- ered evidences of the whereabouts of some strange animal they have failed to come up with it. It is said that a dead dog, with his back broken, was found near the mouth of the cave, and part of a sheep’s skin and entrails were also close to the entrance. A party is being organized to search for and {Ill thnfi':lrv animal, but the negro will be of the party. not depredations on adjoining farms, and ve heard his uncarthly screams | o with the cheering assurance of | of Ad 1 conversant with the ways | if the Plesiosaurus laid eggs or suckle young. Sir?” she demanded with ringing indignation. “Because if you ain’t, you're legally | responsible,” he answered, turning to the question: ‘““How could the children n marry the daughters of man, if there was no man before Adam?” “I don't mean that. 1 want to understand whether T am a free agent, orifIam-" made your contract. for the purchase price, but if you work commission —" ,no. Not that;” and stream- ing tears roused the ““Questions” man to some show of interest, ‘I am in doubt. Which way shall T turn?” ““Well, my dear, that depends much on the dance. In the waltz you turn from left to right until you reverse. In the “Good heaven!" ejaculated the m- quirer, “he thinks I dance. No, no, no! You don’t understand me. want to understand the right road.” “Yes, yes; I seo. That depends upon circumstances. If you're going to the cemetery, you take a Green- wood car. If you're going over to Williamsburgh, look out for a Green- point and Myrtle avenue car, or, if ou want the circus, you will find the fulton street " “Merciful providence! It is not that, either. Can you scoff at me when my head is bowed thus in sor- row?” “Oh! that's it,” replied the ‘‘Ques- tions” man, glancing through Rollin’s history to find the difference between Scandinavian and a Swedenborgian. “‘Get a brown chip turned up at the back or on the left side, un(hrim it with a yard of Spanish lace, and a bunch of forget-me-nots in the front. Or, you might try a white Leghorn with—" “Can’t you understand me?” sho moaned, wringing her hands. “Don’t you see that my feet are sore and wea- ty, looking for the right path?” “Corns?” asked the ‘‘Questions” man, scratching his ear. “Pare 'em down carefully, and put on four drops of lemon, or—" ““You mock me!” she let me rest a moment.” The ‘‘Questions” man regarded her sympathetically, and turned to the inquiry. £'Did the Athenians fry their clams or eat them raw?’ whnile he gave her time to recover. ““I come for information,” she con- tinued, at length; “T want to know what T can do. T am in a fover—.” ‘“Salts?’ proclaimed the encyclo- pedia with energy. ““You want salts; sbbed. “‘Pray | table spoonful an hour before break: fast. That will reduce the fever, and then - ““You horrible v unhagpy woman, ch?” sobbed the sing. “T came to also that he has telescoped the spinal | iloquized the ‘‘ Questions™ you because T thonght you could guide Chinaman’s hair has come down and | me to the spiritual fountain for which | ion about his olive | T am thristing, The hem of his shirt flap is | this wanton v seen to be very much frayed, like an |out of the « 1 flag that has snapped in the | tion. and you insult me in " "and she flopped ce with riotous indigna. *“ Most unaccountable fomnde,” sol- told her what 1 thought she wanted to know, and she gets as mad as the fel- low did when I told him pawnbroking | took its origin in shoving Jonah in the | ¥ spout. T've got to have more y for this business, or The Eagle must get another man,” and the encyclo- pediabent his attention upon this ques tion: ** What postage did Paul pay on his first epistle to the Corin- thians!” Let No Fat Man Escape Detroit Free Press, Fat! You bet he was! And he was one of those cautious men who wear their winter flannels and socks up to the first of June for fear of cold vaves and rheumatic twinges, It grew hotter and hotter as he came down Grand River avenue, and he finally slid under the awning of a saloon and dropped down on the head of an empty beer-keg and groaned than com- e! but she's more biling! ns to me that I've menced to melt!” He hadn't got the perspiration wip- off one whole ear yet when a tall, lean man came along from the other’ way and also halted. Not a drop of mois- ture could be seen on his face, and his hair was dry as a clothes-line, I prosume, sir,” he began, *‘that you find this heat uncomfortable ?" Great snakes! but T'm roasted!” groaned the other. “Novertheloss, T desire to make you an address on the subject of the weather. The seasons are divided into four. We will take the winter season HOh! 1 don't want to thing about the weather. 1 cool off and get home. evertheless, the winter season in- cludes December, January and Febru- ary, walked up and down. why we have cold weather in the win- ter and warm weather in the summer? “Say, lot me alone, won't you! I came within an inch of being sun- struck.” “Spring is the next season, and sometimes it is wonderful how closely it follows winter, and then again it is wonderful how it hangs off until fall Spring is supposed to include March, April, May and several blizzards and freshets. "' “‘Say, I won't stand it! If move on I'll injure you for life. & “‘We now come to the third season, observed the lean man as he folded hear any- want to u don't “That depends upon how you bave 1f you bought the goods outright you are only liable continued the lean man, as he [ nan “Da you know | NE 4, 1881. [his hands behind his back. ¢ The | third se | cludes the months of | August Juneberry, 1 tended “Will you move on!” yelled the fat man, as e pushed his ~ handkerchief down the back of his neck. T will not,” was the calm reply. ‘‘June was named after old Juneberr 1 18 called summer, and in y and after old who con June, Jy June was named cek orator a “Who the ——cares!” “Allof us. Old Juneberry con- tended that the sun was composed of - The fat man tried to get up, but lettle creeks of perspiration ran down his back, one of his_suspenders by short off, and he fell back and yelled “police!” in a voice 80 husky that he seemed to have a peachstone in his throat, Three or L.ur men came out of the saloon, and he pointed to the lean man and gasped out: “Five dollars to the mashes him!” “And we now come to the season,” coolly 1 man that fourth narked the lean man yember, and in leaving this for anoth or field of labor T want to say to you, [ old fatty, that Tl lay for you from now till the end of dog shall Lear the remainder of my ad- dress, and old Juneberry’s reason for believing that the sun was composed of seraps and ends of lightning which had drifted into a sort of aerial whirl- pool. You may swent and blow and call for the police, but Tl trail you to the bitter end and don’t you forget it1”? And he walked briskly away under the hot sun just as the fat man was going to raise the reward for mashing lim to £50. The Revised Bible. Bro. Gardner's Lime-Kiln Club, ““I take pleasure an’satisfaction,” said the president as he held up a par- cel, “‘in informin’ you a worthy citi of Detroit, who does not car’ to have his name menshun'd, has presented dis revised edishun of de Bible to de Lime-Kiln Club, We do not open our moeting wid prayer, nor do we close by singin’ de Doxology, but neberdeless I am suah dis gift will be highly appreshiated by all. Dar has bin considuble talk in.dis club about dis revised edishun. Some of you hab got de ideah dat purgaory enlarged twice ober, an’ I have heard odders assert dat it didn't forbidlyin’, stealin’ an’ passin’ off’ bad money. My friends, you am sadly mistaken. Hell is t as hot as eber, an' Heaben hasn’t got any mo’ room. In lookin’ ober some of de changes las’ night T have a gineral b'arin. it am jist as wicked to steat water- mellyons as it was las’ y'ar or de y'ar befo’ an’ de skeercer de crap de bigger de wickedness. “No change has bin made in regard to loafin aroun’ de streets. De loafer am considered jist as mean an’ low as eber he was, an’ I want to add my be- lief dat he will grow meaner in public estimashn all de time. “De ten commandments am all down heah without change. Stealin’ an’ lyin’ an’ cavetin’ an’ runnin’ out night am considered just as bad as eber. 4 “1 can’t find any paragraph in honest debts and supportin’ deir fam- "lies, “T can’t fin’ whar' a poo’ man, or a poo’ man’s wife, white or black, am 'spocted to sling on any pertickler style. “Dog-fights, chicken-liftiny poly- ticks, playin’ keerds fur money an’ hangin® aroun’ fur drinks an’ all sich low bizness am considered meaner dan . Fact s, T can’t fin’ any change hateber which lots up on aman from but at de same time any white man make you | believe dat we's lost any Gospel by as | revision, or dat Peter or Paul or Moses have undergone any change of speerit regardin’ de ways of libin’ respectably an’ dyin’ honorabl The Lawyer's Boy. Detroit Free Press, Anybody who thinks that the boy employed around a lawyer's office has nothing to do but empty the the pape room, and read the jokes of Black- stone, is grandly mistaken. A boy— that is, a prize of a boy, and one who will eventually become a great lawyer himself —has a heap on his mind, and 1o time for sling-shots or toys. Yes- terday, while a Detroit lawyer was in court, with his boy in charge of the office, u newspaper man who was hunting through the Moffat block stumbled upon the young attorney and was received with; “Come nght in, the pap case are ready to be signed. ““What case!” “Applieation for divorce,” 3ut I'm not the man,” Ain't you! Well, you look like him, Let's see! Are you the de- fendant in the Jones vs. Brown case of trespass/ 1f so, T am to tell you that the case is_put over until nect Saturday, at the same hour in the afternoon.” **No, 1 am not Brown." | “Well, that's all right. Let's see again? T was to tell Ryan that his case against Peters for slander would not come on this term, and to suggest that he amend his declaration, You have not given the dates whereon the defendant called you eptile and a sneak.’ “But T am not Ryan | “Is that so! That's oo bad, but, | perhaps, you can't help it. ~ Was it s in your 1 Blake! “Then you are not Mr. Clem. 1 was the particular time at which he first noticed a coldness in her demeanor. Let's see. Ol! there's that bigamy case. 1 was tosay to the defendant that the prosecution appear to have hunted up and got hold of the testimo- ny of & l*n.rd female who claims to have married you in Toledc in 1864, and that your case looks shaky. We will, however, do our best to pull you through, as we do all our clients.' “You are off agein; Iam not the as he walked slowly away, “which in- | cludes September, October and No- | has all been wiped out an’ Heaben | selected out a few paragraphs which | Fur instance, | which mon am excused for payin' deir | added to de| Peace and stated his cas strength of de brimstun an’ de size of | "": A warrant. de pit, an’ we want to keep right onin| | 1 qu de straight path if we would avoid it, | 1% o1 | Doan’ let | him arrested?” basket, run to the postoftice, sweep the |~ your wife who eloped with a IlIdIA‘I'«llhl’l' go to jail, and to jail he went. told to tell him that he forgot to state | TWELVE PAGES. right: T was to say to any new client that Mr would be back in an hour. Come in and sit down and look over the city directory. We will ta your it the lowest ¢ | do our level best tc other firm until you have given usa trial ash price and win it. ( case ‘onsult 1ie How He Became Wealthy. Brooklyn Eagle. A little man was introduced to the members of the Mining exchange, in New York, the other day, and, from the prompt and effectual manner in which He operated, it was apparent that he was immensely wealthy. ““You have been out in the mines, 1 © | hear,” said one of a knot of admirers, | who, though a New Yorker, had es- | tablished some liftle reputation for fa miliarity with far Western slang “Yes;” responded the little man, | quietly; “‘T spent some time in the | carbonate region.’ | “Pretty old hand at dips and angles, | T take it,”" observed the questioner | jocularly. “T've heard tell of 'em © man ocked the cradle for yellow a good many turns, €h?” continued the bore, with an U'll-feteh-him-out wink at the crowd “No. They don't cradle now, they | erush,” said the little man, uncasily. ““Hit it out hard on a spur and jerk rock for the stamp: that's the way | they do it?” | “They take out the quartz and send it to the mill.” replied the little man. | “Wouldn't you like to go and floo | the lower leve “Want something to rinse the The little man consented and the crowd adjourncd for wine. “How'd on to the dust, grul sta Wt prospect”’ in quired the bore after the party had | irrigated. “1 grub s replied the lit ced until I lost most of | said the little man ner- Then scanned for a shine ““I see. | on your own sleeve. *‘No. The fact is, gentlemen, T'm not a wminer, and never had an interest in a shaft “How'd you accumulate the buck- skins, if I may ask?” pursued the bore, somewhat amaz ““Tt was this way: Some tenderfeet had smiled on a locket, and when they came to reach for corn at the settle, I was close to the bung. They were oiled and I had some split tickets. I gave them the circulars, and when the wind shifted the best they could languish under was_three cook and a couple. Somehow I got hold of their hair and let into the pull with two dough faces and three sprats. 1T let |go adough face and caught the ad- vertisement. They doubled on me | steady till T reached the lingering speck, and then I laid down and | softened on the starlight. That's the way I made my money. Good day, gentlemen.” “‘How was it”” chorused the crowd, turning to the bore for an explana- tion. ‘I think he means that they died and left him their property,” replied the domestic miner. But he didn't. He meant that three flats had struck it rich, and on a deal with a safety pack he had held four aces against a queen full and won all the money in the outfit. To crystalize it, gentle reader, he | was a skin gambler. Fair Play Out West. They give a man achance out West. Veadwood, Custer, or any of those Western towns, the spirit of fair ws to the surface even in ju- ageding. In March last, a | Michugm 3 who keeps an | house at Gunnison, was over p | lar abou taking a counterfeit half-dol- | A boin' plamb up an’ down squar’ an’ | Jar, and in the vow which resulted he honest wid de world, Dey have | Was considerably batered. He the changed de word Holl' o “Hades,' | fore called upon the Justice of the and asked s Twouldn't make a fuss over replied the official, *But he meant to kill me.” *Yes, I presume so, but he'll leave town and that will end it.” “But he's a dangerous man,” “*Yes, they say so; butno one is afraid of him, “Judge, do you know what he said about you when I told hun I'd have “Well, he said you were a blamed wsshopper eater!” ““Yes, but he didn’t mean it i he called yon a reptile. “Well, he was mad, T suppose.” “Yos, and he was mad when he s you didn't know enough to write your own name, and therefore couldn’t issue a warrant!” “Did he say that?, He did, “Then T'llissue on him likea tenton danche on a yaller mule! The man who sneezes at my larnin’ must have a contenpt for the A The warrant arrcsted and trie the court was: Gunmson William, the verdict of this court is that you are guilty, and the sentence is a fine of 825 in cash. This court can’t get over the fact that you villified its mental calibre, It is udi; as issued, the party , and the verdict of a red to pay your fine with, Now, then, if you will mect this court back of this building on the level it will either git away with yon in six and a half minutes or remit the fine. T want to prove to the citizens of Gunnison that in electing me to the judiciary they have cast their votes for a_man who can spit on his hands in six differ- ent languages and git away with a hog- pen full of roughs without having an ear scratched, Prisoner at the bar, | have you anything to say?” He said he'd The prisoner had, | The announcement that Cardinal Man- | | ning has forbidden the use of the halls of | the Catholic clubs or the assembly rooms | {of the T sstinence League of ~the | Cross for meetings of branches of the Land League has caused the long pent-up feeling of the Irish in London with respect to the | clerical_discountenance of their agitation to manifest themselves in a very emphatic manner, For some time past checks to Trish agitation in London, which have not g- | ing : Also aware of the fact that you haven't | lon | A MARRIAGE IN WAR-TIME A Confederate Soldier's Story Why the Groom Hastened to the Wedding. [ remember a very amusing inar [ viage ceremony which 1 once per | formed. 1 was busy trying to make bread for my mess, (I was | then “‘high private in the rear rank of the old Thirteenth Virginia Regi ment,) when a bright young fellow of the “Maryland line” hailed me with- T say, Mister, are you a preacher’ Not surprised at the doubt implied in | the question, for neither my dress nor | my oceuvation was very clerical, 1 | plied, “Yes, I claim to be.” ‘‘Are | you authorized to marry people in this state/” “Tam.” “Well, you are the very man I have been hunting for five days.” “I am glad you have | found me at last. What can T do for “1 want you to marry me, “When? tght away, Sir; as we can gt there, “About two miles down 1 soon “Wlhere the road? Accordingly fot permission from my Colonel, (A, P Hill,) satisfied my self that the license was allright, and started. As we were going alone, the little fellow (the license stated that he was 21, but he really did not look to be over 16) pulled out his license and said: “‘Look here, Pa suppose anything should happen o that we coud not get married to-day she could not marry any one else as long as 1 {lold these (shaking his license) agin her, could she?” When 1 explained that the licen of no binding | force until the cercmony was performi- led, he started off' in a half-run, ex- | claiming. “Well! come on, Parson; | we must make haste! Beginning to suspect that there was ! somothing wrong, 1 stopped and said : | T must have an explanation of this sit. Tdo not mean to do anything | contrary to law and right. Did you | not tell me that you had the full con- | sent of the young lady's parents, and | that there was no obstacle m the way of your marricage?” ‘*Yes, it is all | vight, parson, come on and T'll explain | it all to your satisfaction. truth is that T have been sick down at | that house-—orrather have been pretend- ing to Le sick—for several weeks, and there has been a little girl down there who has been so kind to me that T twant to marry her forit. Now, my [ colonel (his “colonel was George H. | Seward, an old West Pointer, and one of the most rigid disciplinari- {ans in the army) has found out that 1 am well, and T am atraid he will send a guard after me and put me in the guard house; that before I get out the brigade will move away, and so T may | not get a chance to be married at all, | and she may then go aud marry some | other fellow. Come on, parson! Please let us make haste!” 1 followed him as rapidly as T could, and on reaching the place T ascertained that the guard had actually come for him before he came after me, but had agreed to wait for him if he could pro- cure a preacher and hurry up the mar- riage. 1 performed the ceremony, he saluted his_ bride in approved old- [style, and the guard immediately ! marched him off to the guard-house. | He called to see me several days after- | ward, however, and said: Parson, 1 have been a very happy man since T saw you. 1 took your vice, and made & clean breastof it to thecolonel, and he released me from the guard- house and gave me 48 hours leave of absence.” Some time afterward T was at Louisa Courthouse on furlough, and being at the depot when the cars came ! up, whom should T see but my young | Maryland soldier, who jumped off the | train aud rushed up to” me, exclaim “ Parson, T am the happiest man |in the Southern Confederacy. e | wotten a discharge from the army. 1 have work in Richmond at which T can make plenty of money. I have ited a nice little hou there and furnished it very comfortably, and now 1 am going up after my w | was very muel gratified to the see marriage turning out so well, for, un- fortunatel not alway , these army mar s0 result ges did Kansas Atmosphere and Illinois Fish Ponds. Western Correspondence Kansas City Journal, | “Speaking of climate,” said Dic | “the " climate of Colc y with Kansas badly. water in that country is clearer than the air is here, T've seen fish in the lakes at depth of forty feet, and counted their | scales, but here the air is so dense you | can_lardly get it up your nose, and 1 [ can’t see my lead mules mor'n half the time,” “Now,” said Jack, “you ought to [know better than to talk that way; | you've driven the team all day, and must know by this time that there's but two of ‘em, and they ain’t muics, but horses,” | “That's s0,” said Tke, “and as for [your clear atmosphere, T've heard a dog bark twenty miles in Kansas,” Dick drove in silence some time and | then inquired: “Did any of you fellers ever fish | with a seine!” The crowd nodded, and Dick con- tinued: “Don’t reckon any of you ever had as big luck as T've had. fve fished in the lagoons of the Tllinois, and that's fishing, T tell you.” A silence of some minutes elapsed, as we jogged over the smooth plain, the party in reflective mood, when Dick broke out again: “Speaking of fishing, I've helped to drag out seventy-five wagon loads at one haul.” “How many?"” “Seventy But Dick, that's an awful pile of k, aid Jack. fish Can't help it; we pulled em’ out all the same,” “Why, Dick, that would be a pile of fish seven hundred and fifty feet nd fé 't help it if its seven hundred and fifty miles.’ "Am{ three fe “No dufferenc ““And a footd “That's mathematically K'rect, no doubt; I aint after figures, but v “Gentlemen,” said Tke, this man’s statement is correct, 1 was present and carried one end of the seine my- self, and caught fifty bushels of fish in wide and ut the width.” come before the public, have been given by the clergy, and the general desire of the heads nllt e hlhm:;n “atholic chun‘:h in “l]'e wetropolis that movements of a reli- glous or even semi-religions character should be disasociated f itics, has +‘Dear me, that's another, Well, all found expressson in the prohibitory ;‘:fi.’d’a nd::d Manning. the seat of wy breech There is a garden in Oil City which has thus early in the season lettuce plants high- er than & three story bouse. 1t i fair to the house, however, to state that the garden is on & level with the chimney top of th house, —{Derrick. The whole