The Nonpartisan Leader Newspaper, June 10, 1918, Page 16

Craf AR Mistur Editur —It becomes my solemn an’ sad dooty to inform you that Will B. Crafty iz almost ded — ded, both figuretively an’ fizzically — but not quite. I'm sorry that the above sentance ain’t all true. I'm sorry I had to slip time thar will be when it does come true. Ten thousand yards uv crepe will decorate the town, the mourners will go about the street an’ a grate wail an’ hartrendering - lamentation will be heard in Bigbizville. But he ain’t ded—but almost—an’ tharfore thar iz no use to rite his abituary—yit. But I thought I mite az well git in practice. It may happen enny day. An’ itll be some event when it doze happen. .But az it ain’t yit happened, the only thing I can do is to tell you how it almost happened to happen. Crafty had apperantly entirely re- covered frum hiz recent attack at Den- ver an’ wuz takin’ new an’ active in- terest in the fite agin’ progress an’ advancement. He had lost sum uv his cleverness an’ skill—but had be- cum more determined—which per- haps accounts for the near-untimely demise, referred to above an’ fore- goingly. Az I sed, having lost sum uv hiz skill he resorted to recklessness and daring. He disregarded constitu- Big Biz wus furious tions, laws, an’ all the rules uv civili- zation. . He becum possessed with the grim determination to rule the polit- ickle world, regardless uv the means. For months, az you an’ ever one else knows, hiz lackeys, slaves an’ boot- lickers had terrorized the intire state by tramplin’ under foot all safeguards vouchsafed to the people by the laws and the constitutions of the country. So fur az Crafty wuz consurned the flag an’ the constitution no longer of- fered proteckshun to the humble citi- zen who opposed Will B. Crafty. TOO STRONG FOR THE GOVERNMENT He passed out orders to state execu- tives an’ peace officers to kill the Nonparteshun Leeg at enny cost, an’ by enny means, fair or foul. Kill it, even though it wuz necessary to kill half the people of the state an’ put the uther half in jail. Az a result uv theze orders, as you know, for several weeks. . ty and Big Biz Fall Out BY I. B. RIPP, THE REPORTER their rights as in the word “almost.” What a glorious * _ deathly white, a reign- uv terror prevailed in Minne- sota. Atrocities that made the deeds uv Peter the Grate look like the work of an amachure wuz per- pretrated upon ino- cent an’ unsuspectin’ citizens. Men bent only upon exercizin’ ° American citizens had been deported, kidnapped, mobbed, threatened with hanging, tarred an’ feathered an’ other- wize maltreated by the willin’ tools uv Big Biz an’ under the direct orders uv Crafty, the big boss. Ar’ it looked for awhile like he wuz goin’ to git by with it. But he went too fur. In hiz blind rage an’ furious revenge he went so fur beyond all reezon that the whole thing begin to react. Big Biz saw this. He regarded it az a serious blunder upon the part uv Crafty. This added to the many other bungles and blunders he had made in the last three years, wuz too much even fur Big Biz. An’ even after convinced that Crafty wuz goin’ too fur, Big Biz set tite an’ let him go—chiefly becauze he did not know uv enny uther al- ternative an’ 'becauze he had a forlorn hope that this method would suck- seed. But the hump om the camel’s back wuz smashed when the vassals uv Crafty, in the sacred name uv patriotism, threw the laws an’ the constitution to the winds, flew square- ly in the face uv the courts, outraged all decency, committed contempt uv court, humiliated public officials an’ set aside all recognized authority by arrestin’, rearrestin’, kidnappin’ an’ abducktin’ officers uv the Nonparte- shun Leeg. Then it wuz that Big Biz got scart. Thar cum a rumor from Washington Dee See that the federal authorities wuz fixin’ to take a hand. Big Biz lost hiz hed—an’ I hope he never finds it agin’. ROUGH TALK FROM BIG BIZ We wuz sudenly called into head- e Crafty seezed a cheer quarters fur a conference—almost the * last one, so it developed—but not quite, Big Biz wuz furious. He wuz beside hizself, an’ so wuz Crafty. Big Biz realized that ef the federal au- thorities tuck a hand in the game it would be an ungloved hand. as we wuz all seeted Big Biz opened fire on Crafty. : “What in the * * * * 1 ¢ 4 ete., etc., etc., et setra, so forth an’ . 80 on—do you mean by pullin’ the “blank-et-ty blank stunts that you've bin pullin’ off ?” he thundered, slamin’ hiz fist down on the table until Crafty - nearly jumped outen hiz seet. Crafty looked the most noncom- ' plussed I ever seed him. The blud all left hiz face an’ hiz skin turned a showed in hiz ize.. “Don’t ast me sich insane questions. —don’t talk to me in that tone uv voice—don’t you do it, I tell you,” he sed rizen to hiz feet an’ sidlin’ around the table. “I dun it becauze them’s orders-—orders, by gad—orders, your - orders; savy? orders, you 4 ” Your big —— > “Silence!’ silence‘lwsilawe!‘” roared 'PAGE SIXTEEN Az sune . Then sudenly, green : BE e W o 2o o BRE WY Ineag ‘e > L e eSSV AR B R E Y Reagwesuny Big Biz at the top uv his voice, rizen frum hiz seet an’ grabbin’ up a heavy ink bottle an’ poisin’ it above hiz hed. “Don’t you talk to me like that—don’t do it,” he hissed, grittin’ hiz teeth while hiz ize blazed like the hedlights uv a Ford runin’ at 60 miles per hour an’ his hair stood up like the bristles on the back uv a wild boar. ; ORDERS ARE ORDERS But wuz game—that’s one thing I allus liked about him—he wuz game az grit. He stiffened up, the color cum back into hiz face—that iz a sort uv pieded color—hiz big fists opened an’ shut like the gigantic jaws uv a rockcrusher an’ hiz lips wuz com- pressed like a bale uv cotton in a compressor. ; “Strike me-—strike me, ef you dare!” be exclaimed, sticken’ out-hiz chest:- I shet my jze an’ waited fur the blow: —but it didn’t cum. time to cum. " It didn’t have “Them wuz- your the table. - “Them wuz your orders,” he went on. stop. the Leeg—to stop it at enny cost —by enny means, fair or foul, an’ I seed it couldn’t be dun by fair, so I went the limit.” : “Well, T didn’t mean all this,” coun- tered Big Biz, tryin’ to wiggle out. “I expected you to have a little sense uv your own.” : “I’'ye got sense uv my own,” replied Crafty bitterly, “but I’m not suppozed to use ’em when I’'m workin’ under di- rect orders. When I git direct orders frum ‘you ‘my only consurn is to carry ’em out accordin’ to instructions—on- less you git cold Teet, back up an’ call I begin’ to think that peace wuz,go- ing to be restored and diplomatic rela- tions once more established but I wuz doomed : to - djsappointment. Big Biz orders,” snarled ' Crafty, an’ I opened my ize in time to ~ see.Big Biz set the ink bottle back on “Your .orders wuz to i ; - you came,’ could not stand to have all the blame layed upon him. g He sot down az composedly az he could an’ waved Crafty to a seet at the uther side uv the table. “But you know the laws—you un- derstand that we should stay inside the laws—when we can—" “Them wuzzent orders,” snarled Crafty, sullenly. “How many times have I heard you say, “To hell with the laws!” How many times have I heard you say that you would take care uv the officials enny time we went too fur? Thousands uv times,” he sed, answerin’ his own question. “That ain’t so,” sed Big Biz.- TOO BAD NO ONE WAS HURT “You’re a liar,” roared Crafty—“a dodrotted liar,” an’ he sprung to hiz feet, while hiz big fist swayed men- acin’ly like a triphammer over the hed uv Big Biz. Big Biz slid hiz cheer back with a scrapin’ sound an’ staggered to hiz feet, lookin’ sorter dazed. Then he quickly recovered hiz equliberim, which had- about got away frum him. He'made a lunge for Crafty, who ducked to one side an’ Big Biz crash like 'a bale uv cotton hittin’ the corner uv a barn. Crafty seized a cheer an’ raised it above hiz hed. ) “One step, one step, in this di- rectshun,” he threatened, “an’ I'll " brane you rite where you stand.”. Big Biz stopped an’ hiz ize stood out so fur.you could a roped ’em with a grapevine. He spluttered an’ stormed. He used language that would bring the blush uv shame to a Bowery barroom crowd. But in a few seconds hiz steam wuz all gone. He dropped into hiz cheer. Then all uv a sudden Crafty lost all hiz nerve an’ he dropped into a cheer. They both looked very sheepish. Stick wuz settin’ over in the corner sufferin’ the agonize uv the damned becauze he wanted to laugh an’ wuz afraid to. Slipry wuz very pale an’ nervus. Dodger wuz smilin’ a faint, amuzed smile. “I guess that’d tickle the Nonparteshuns to deth, ef they node it,” he said. / Big Biz looked at Crafty and Crafty looked at Big Biz. Then they both smiled. ' Big Biz got up, pulled out a box uv seegars, walked over to Crafty an’ sed: “Crafty, I guess we're both dam fools—but I'm the biggest one. Have a seegar an’ lets forgit it.” TCTrafty took the seegar, riz to hiz feet,.took . him by the han’ an’ sed, “I’'m willin’.” Me an’ Stick left. Stick never. sed a wurd till 'we got three blocks down . the street, : Then he sed: “By heck, I wished they'd - both a killed each uther.”, : .. . Yoors Trooly, 2 ) : . RIPP, “TWO BUTTES” LOSES SUB- ; SCRIBER ' Westola, Col. - Editor “Two Buttes”: 2 I am writing to ask you to stop my paper, as I find your sentiments and' mine do not agree. I have been think- ing of this for some time and when I read your article recently advising the farmers to keep their $16 rather than join the Nonpartisan league, I fully - made up my mind. =© I belong to this League and believe. . - that T have as good a'right to do so as you have to join the editorial asso- ciation which you mention in the same . issue.’ . : : Prqbably you feel that a newspaper 1s: printed for, the purpose of giving advice. Perhaps it is. - But many farmers' got- along’ well ‘here before landed up against the desk with a .. SAM DEAN.. .