The Nonpartisan Leader Newspaper, May 20, 1918, Page 17

EER MISTUR EDI- TUR: For the past two weeks me and -Stick has bin roamin’ around over theze western planes, stoppin’ at one-hoss hotels, eatin’ 65-cent Hooverized meals, - an’ sleepin’ on springless sags ontill our heds an’ heels cum in such close proximity that we can’t sleep fur wishin’ we had washed our feet last summer, an’ hope you air the same. But that ain’t all the fun we have neither. The uther day we wuz ridin’ in the cabuse uv a fast freight trane— an’ we sune koncluded that it wuz about the fastest trane we had ever seed—fast to the-track. Well, at one stashun where we stopped about four hours fur the crew to “set out” a box- car an’ onload an iron bedstead frum Shears, Rasorback & Co., we heard a conversashun that almost resulted in a riot, an’ insurrecshun an’ a revolu- shun. . It happened, az it almost always doze, that thar wuz a bunch uv travel- in’ men in the cabuse, too. “Travelin’ men,” is the dignified cognomen by which they distinguish thurselves from the rest of the hurd, but Stick he calls ’em “Prune Peddlers,” and I spoze_ he’s rite. Two uv theze , prune peddlers wuz settin’ rite across the car from us, smokin’ like a pile uv rub- bish on fire an’ playin’ rummy or , sumthin’. One uv ’em wuz a little spindle-legged feller with two little bunches uv fuzz stickin’ on hiz upper lip that give him the ap- pearance -uv a poodle dog with a couple uv cuckle-burrs stickin’ on its noze. The uther one wuz fat anuf to butcher, had a round hed with no hair on it and chawed hiz seegar until the ambeer run down an’ dripped " offen his chin. Purty sune they quit playin’ cards an’ one uv ’em pick- ed up a paper—the Monopolist Yearn- ful, I think it wuz, an’ begin to read. ENOUGH TO RILE ANY FARMER “Gee, the farmers haz got a pudden, theze daze _cuckle-burrs .on hiz lip. “I see they're gittin’ nearly $16 a hundred fur hogs theze. days.” ~“I" shood say so,” remarked the other, “an’ still they kick, denounce the guver'ment an’ oppose the war—" At this junctchure Stick begin to breathe like a wind-broken hoss an’ -get red around the gills. “sed the feller with the - “Keep still - ~ now, you dingbusted ole bale uv gun-. Stick Gets All Mad and Forgets Himself By 1. B. RIPP, the Reporter cotton, save your powder till you can see the whites uv their ize an’ don’t flush the burds before you git close anuf to shoot an’ maybe you’ll git two at one shot,” sez I, pullin at hiz coat sleeve. Stick sorter slumped down soze he could git a little fresh air an’ tried hard to still hiz thumpin’ hart. “Yes, an’ they’re not-satisfied with what they’re gitten now and want to git more—they’re the reel profiteers uv this war,” sed the fat feller, rollin’ hiz swab-like seegar over to the uther side uv hiz mouth in a way that re- minded me uv sloshin’ a mop around in a slop pail. Well, I konfess that I not only could see the whites uv their ize—I could see red—reder 'n a sunset, so I didn’t try to hold Stick down enny longer. In facked, I felt like sayin’ “Sick ‘em Tige.” But that would have been un- necessary. He sicked ’em. “Profiteers, hay; profiteers, hay?” snarled Stick, leanin’ oven an’ pintin’ hiz chin whiskers at ’en menacin’ly. “Who in the L air you?” snapped the little feller, lickin’ the cuckle- burrs on hiz lip. “I might be a mumshun maker but I ain’t,” replied Stick. “But whoever I am or whoever I ain’t, I deny ever’- thing you’ve sed about the farmers az false, untrue an’ malicious and de- nounce you as a dodrotted— “Here, here, cut that stuff, you old clod-hopper— “I denounce you as a w111-w111-w111- . ing tool uv Big Biz, so there now.’ usay_n “Jist cloze your trap,” sed Stick git- tin’ up an’ standin’ threatenin’ly over . ’em, ’till I've had my say — you've already had yourn.” Then he sorter tle an’ took a dif- ferent tack. “I spoze you fellers iz bizness men an’ that you believe in runin’ bizness on a biz- ness basis.” the charge. “Well, bizness men, bankers, pol- itishuns an’ nuze- paper men. have bin tellin’ us farmers fur 20 years that we wuz bizness men and that farmin’ wuz a bizness—and we’ve decided that ef farmin’ iz a blz- ness an’ we air bizness men' we air goin’ to conduct our bizness in a bizness way—an’ that is run it on a cost an’ profit basis—you know what a cost an’ profit basis iz, don’t you?? They both nodded their heds. *“Well, then how do you know that $16 is a high price fur hogs?” said Stick, pauzin’ fur reply. “Why, look at that price compared with the price hogs brot a few years : ago,” replied the fat feller, rubbin’ hiz hand over his balled hed. Stick looked az cool as a mint julip. “What's your bizness ?” he ast, calmly. “Boots an’ shoze,” replied the fat- hed. “Shoze, hay; shoze, hay,” cum back Stick, “Well, look at the price uv shoze—look 'at the price uv shoze as in hiz seet, raized the winder - cooled down a lit-' - - the short session uv example, They admitted PAGE SEVENTEEN g compared with the price five years ago, jist look at ’em.” “Oh, well, that’s different,” butted in the little feller, dabbin’ his two fingers on the cuckle-burrs. “Why iz it different?” shot back Stick, hedin’ him fur a hole. “Well, because the pnce uv hldes an’ the price uv labor an’ the priceluv ever’thmg that goze into shoze haz doubled in price—" “An’ so haz the price uv ever’thing that goze into hogs,” cut in Stick, clappin’ the lid on. “Look at the price uv corn, look at the price uv farm labor, look at the price uv close.” “ ‘L, you darned old fool, hogs don’t ware cloze,” snarled the prune pedler. SOME QUESTIONS FOR THE DRUMMERS Stick snorted rite in hiz face. “Uvw course not, you wize guy, but we farmers do—we’re civilized anuf fur that—an’ the cloze we have to ware, the food we have to eat—az same as the food the hogs have to eat, enters in the cost uv producshun. Farm ma- chinery, harness—ever’thing used on the farm—all that iz necessary to raise hogs haz more than doubled in price. In face uv theze facks how do you know that $16 iz a high price fur hogs? Ansure me that, will you?” While the prune pedlers ransacked their branes for ansures Mr. - ‘Stick pro- - seeded to continue. “When you say we farmers is kickin’ agin the gover’- ment you Presi- dent Wilson stated the truth when in his address before the joint assembly of congress on Decem- ber 4 last, he said: ‘The farmers, for com- plain, with a great deal of jus- tice, that, while the regulation of food prices restricts their incomes, no restraints are placed upon the prices of most of the things they must, themselves purchase, and similar in- equities obtain on all sides.”” “That states the case exactly. We are not complainin’ that the gover’- ment fixed the price on wheat az it goze to the mill but we do complain . that.it did not set the grice on flour az it cums back frum the mill. Not only do we not kick agin the action uv the gover'ment in settin’ the price ‘uv wheat but we insist that it go strait on down the line an’ fix the price on ever'thing else that enters into the successful prosecushun uv the war.” The fat feller rolled hiz seegar to . the uther side uv his mouth an’ looked . down hiz noze like a suck-egg dog.: The little feller kept tappin’ the two "cuckle-burrs. with the tips uv hiz fingers. “You refuze to ansure me, do you?” roared Stick, gittin’> hot under the back-band. “You set thar an’ accuse the farmers uv bein’ ‘proflteers an’ FRERRT A mflm 3 when you get a chance to prove your assershuns you shet up like ded oysters.” This jab stung the little feller into acshun agin an’ he cum back with the faint-hearted re- mark that it shorely looked like the farmers wuz maikin’ lots uv money. SOME FOLKS WILL HAVE TO GO TO WORK “That depends, that depends,” re- plied Stick quicker'n a wink. “That depends on what the cost uv produc- shun is. An’ that’s what we're fighten fur, namely: a price fur our products, coverin’ the cost uv produeshun, plus a reasonable profit. Will you deny the justice uv that?” The cuckle- burrs sorter wiggled up an’ down, an’ that wuz all. “Then I demand that you keep your durn mouths—” The train started with sich a jerk that Stick almost landed on his hed. He grabbed to a seet and steadyed hlszelf an’ cum back agin. “Not only so, Mister Prune Ped- dlers,” he went on, “but we'’re goin’ to establish a new way uv doin’ bizness. Now daze we ship a beef steer to Soo City or to South Saint Paul where it iz butchered and then we pay travelin’ men like you to come up here an’ sell it back to us, an’ we pay the freight both ways an’ pay you $125 per month, travelin’ expenses an’ hotel b)lls fur doin’ it. We ship wheat to Minneapolis where it iz ground into flour and then we pay salesmen to cum up here an’ sell it back to us. We're goin’ to quit that. We’re goin’ to establish industries in our own state to handle all this bizness an’ cut out the big middleman outen the mid- dle.” “Then what'll we travelin’ men do fur jobs?” ast the fat felles, lookin’ scart. “Start farmin’, 1 guess,” replied Stick with a sneer. The prune pedlers started playin’ rummy agin an’ Stick come over an’ sot down agin, looking like a hero returned frum the frunt. Yoors Trooly, RIPP. THE NEW SLAVERY Kansas Clty, Mo. Edltor Nonpartisan Leader; I am 70 years old. When a boy I lived with my father 14 miles from the Ohio river. I remember the work of the 8laveholding oligarchy of those days. Big Biz, like the slaveholders, is determined to rule the country, and it thinks itican do it. It doesn’t in- tend that any more Nonpartisans shall get to congress. I am yours for a government of the people through the initiative, referendum and recall. ; J. W. MORRISON.