The Nonpartisan Leader Newspaper, December 17, 1917, Page 10

nother Political rafty Trick Fails By I. B. RIPP, the Reporter 3§ EER Mistur Editur: — This camouflage bizness is gittin’ on my nerves. I have bin with Crafty nearly two months now and all the time concealin’ my identity, con- intenshuns, an’ concealin’ An’' T can’t stand it much longer. Nearly ever time I git with him, sumthin' happens that makes me want to jump up on a cheer an’ scream out at the top uv my voice, ‘Gimme liberty or gimme me deth,’ an’ thus throw off the mask of camouflage, tell him where to hed in, where to git off, az it were, so to speak an’ so forth, But I find that it allus pays to keep your—or ruther, to keep my shurt on, especially when the uther feller iz git- - ten his'n off. When he puts his'n back on then you can with perfect propriety Tip off a collar button, shed your Muns- ing underware an’ practice jimnasticks to your heart's content. So I'm allus glad after it iz over with to know that I managed to keep the safety-first valve screwed down tite an’ let Crafty do the ravin’. So thar's where I am today, Mr. Editur, an’ hope you air the saim. Now jist the uther day I met Crafty at the Elk Horn hotel an’ we took a stroll down to the park an’ sot down on a park bench to smoke the peace uv pipe an’ enjoy the invigeratin’ atmos- fear. I thot fur awhile he wuzzent goin’ to talk Leeg that day—Dbut purty sune he broke lose. ANOTHER DRIVE . ON LEAGUE FIZZLES I've bin cealin’ my my ever thot an’ feelin’. “I wuz feelin’ fine this mornin.”” Mr. Head, he sed, lookin’ worvied, “but jist awhile ago T got a l=tter that haz all upset me agin.” “What—iz your sister gifiin® worse agin?” 1 ast, sympatheticaily. He gimme a quick glance an’ sorter smiled, a bitter, sickly smile. ‘“You see,” he sed, ignorin' my ques- tion while the old look uv desperashun cum back into hiz ize, “you see—yvou see, I had planned anuther big drive against the Nonparteshun Leeg.” “Have you ever maid enny big drives aginst it?” T shot, quicker'n a wink, be- fore T had time to think. This sorter upset hiz equliberium fur a minnit but he soon got it straitened up agin an’, ignorin’ my interruptshun, continued to proseed. “But now it has cum to nought—cum to nought.” “Iz that so?” I ast, manifestin’ much konsurn. “You see, last July when the Non- parteshuns elected John DBaer to con- gress frum North Dakota, Washington, Dee See. Az sune az 1} got the nuze—an’ we got it purty quick —I got bizzy an’ got together about eight or ten uv the congressmen frum sum uv the Northwest staits. They represented thrce uv the Northwest staits an’ wuz very deeply konsurned in the electshun uv Mr. Baer. After we had got seeted in my room at the I wuz in. hotel T sed to ’em, sez 1, az follers, namely, to wit: CONGRESSMEN TOLD HOW TO BUST “LEEG” “‘Now you fellers see what haz hap- pened. You seec the handwritin’ on the billboard, don't you? Them Nonparte- shuns has elected a congressman an’ 'lected him good an’ strong. This taste uv suckcess in national politicks will give them an apitite fur more an’ ef they keep on at the speed they air goin’ they'll be electin’ congressmen frum uther staits next year. An' az I under- stand it they air now wurkin’ in the staits you fellers iz frum. That meens that you fellers iz goin’ to have a fite on your han's at the next electshun an’ it may meen that sum uv you jist 'az well kiss your frends good by when you leave Washin’ton at the end uv your present turms.’ “When I sed this they all looked scart an’ week in the nees, az it wur. They also looked appealin’ly at me an’ seamed to th’ k I had sumthin’ up my sleve—an’ 1 did.” Crafty lited a seegar. After he got it to goin’ good, he went on. “‘Now, I sez, sez I, I've got a skeem up my sleeve-—a skeem that’ll put the eternal kibosh on them flim-flammers an’ hornswoggelers, that’ll put the Leeg into a hole in the ground an’ land you fellers back in office fur anuther two years—an' by that time it’'ll all be ded an’ thar’ll be nuthin’ left but a bad smell.’ “This seamed to give them grait hopes an’ they gathered close around me while T outlined the plan. Here it is: “‘Now in theze staits whur you fel- lers air frum thoar iz anuther farmers' organizashun that is purty strong. Uv course it aint no politickle organiza- shun—don’t beleve in goin’ into poli- ticks, hut that don’t need to maik enny difference, ef you can git thur leeders to do az T say, an’ T think that'll be ezey. But that's the thing to do—git hold uv thur l~eders, the presedents uv the organizashuns, az it wur. so to speak. Tell them to git bizzy an’ fite this Nonparteshun Leeg—fite it to a stan’ still. Promise them that they can be the guverners uv thur respec- tive staits, provided they keep the Leeg out. Tell % “But no suner did I git that outen my system than they all seed the pint.” “‘That's the pint, that's the pint, they all exclaimed. “‘That’s the stuff, that's the supreme stuff, Crafty ole top. You're a wonder —you're a wonder—you've got a master mind—you're the wonder uv— uv—uv the universe,’ an’ so forth an’ 80 on. “UNCORKED” A FEW WITH CONGRESSMEN “‘Now then,” I sed to them, after they got quieted down an’ quit hoppin’ around in the recom an’ cackelin’ like a lot uv kids at Xmas tree, ‘you’ve got to git bizzy, an’ git bizzy at once—rite “That'’s the stuff, guverner,” | sed. now—an’ quit this hoppin’ around biz- ness, or you'll all be lame duck an’ have sumthin’ to hop fur, sed I em- faticklly. “‘T've got it, I've got it exclaimed Congressman Likeshisjob. ‘Thar’s one uv the leeders frum one uv the staits in the city now. I'll call him up an’ git him rite over here now.’ “He looked in a little vest pocket memorandum book, found the telefone number an’ called him up. An’ in thur- ty minnits he wuz thar, “After the introducshuns an’ we had all got seeted we uncorked a few bot- tles—fur you know, Mr. Head, that Washin’ton wuzzent as dry then az it is now—so we uncorked a few cold ones, emptied them, uncorked a few more an’' emptied them. Then we pass- ed around the seegars. Our new frend wuz feelin’ purty good by this time an’ Congressman Likeshisjob explained to him our plans. Our new frend, Mack- dugglefliggle, T think wuz his name, wuz all ears an’ attenshun. When Likeshisjob got to the pint where he explained about the guverner bizness, Mackdugglefliggle blushed like a young girl who had got her furst invitashun frum a guy to go to the movies. “T'm in fur it’ he sed, tryin’ to look wize like a regular guverner. T know its aginst the rules uv our or- ganizashun to monkey with politicks, fur that's not its bizness, but then you know the farmers air like a lot uv sheep—you can leed them around by the nozes enny time you want to. An’ I've got 'em by the noze in our stait, an’ beleve me they’ll do jist about az I say. Tl jist give 'em—give 'em.——’ “‘Give ’em orders,’ T butted in. ‘Be a regular little boss; tell 'em what to do an’ what not to do an’ thar you air, I koncluded. “‘That’s what T'll do to ’em,’ returned Mackdugglefliggle, rizen to hiz feet an’ straightenen up his stoopin’ shoulders till he stood about five foot four. ‘That’'s what I'll do, an’ beleve me they’ll listen to me. Why I'm the most popular man in the stait,’ he sed, tryin’ to stick out hiz chest, az he helt a seegar awkardly between hiz second an’ third fingers an’ tried to look wize agin, an’ we all laffed an’ uncorked a few more bottles. PROMISES TO LINE UP OTHER FELLOWS “‘But,’ I sed, ‘Mr. Mack-Mack-Mack- dugglefliggle, or what every your name is, you’ll have to git bizzy and do it durned quick.’ “He tried to look wize agin, straight- enin’ up his diminutive an’ runted body an’ pintin’ hiz seegar towards the seel- in’, 7 “‘What you want to do’, I went on, is to git in touch with the leeders uv this saim organizashun in theze uther staits, put the saim proposishun up to them that we've put up to you, an’ tell them to git bizzy, too.’ “He tuck anuther puff at hiz seegar, looked wize agin an’ sed, sez he: “Til do that very thing, do it rite tonite, TIl go rite now an’ send nite messages to them an’ az sune az I git back I'll make it a pint to see them an’ fill 'em full—fill ’em full, see? “‘That's the stuff, Guv.’ T sed, an’ he blushed proudly az he went 'round " an’ shook hands with all of us, bowin’ low each time, an’ takin’ a longin’ look at the seegar box, departed. “After he wuz gone Congressman Likeshisjob explained that the feller wuz about half nutty, at least wuz so considered by menny people, but that no one but a dodgasted fool would un- dertake the job, an’ so- he wuz jist the EASR TN, man—even ef he never got. ennywhur with it.” Crafty lapsed into silence an’ the saim distressed an’ worried look cum over hiz face, an’ the saim strange an’ onsteddy lite shone in hiz ize that haz characterized him fur the last two months. Finally he spoke up agin. MACKDUGGLEFLIGGLE ONLY GETS IN BAD HIMSELF “Well, fur several weeks I have heerd that the skeem wuz workin’ fine, I have heerd that Mackdugglefliggle wuz doin’ jist az he sed he wood do, an’ it looked like we had ’em on the run at last. But now here cums a letter—a letter frum my rite-hand man, Slipry, who has charge uv the wurk in that sectshun uv the cuntry, an’ sez the thing is all off, that the leeders we tried to line up in theze uther staits haz swatted the gubernatorial bees we set to buzzin around thur bonnets an’ jined in with the Leeg an’ that our frend Mackdugglefliggle haz got in bad, put hiz foot into it up to hiz neck, an’ iz down fur the count an’ almost out uv the ring for good. “The members uv hiz organizashun, which he tried to leed around by the noze, haz refused to leed, have took the bits in thur own teeth an’ air heded strait fur the Nonparteshun Leeg, so fast that Mackdugglefliggle is barely holdin’ on by the tail end, an’ is liable to be ditched entirely at enny time. They say that the Leeg doze not kon- flict with thur organizashun, because its purely politickle, an’ they're all goin’ to jine the Leeg regardless of Mackdugglefliggle, an’ ef he don’t watch out he’ll find hizself walkin’ three miles behind an’ talkin’ to hizself an’ thinkin’ he’s guverner uv Timbuck- too.” “So, you see, I'm completely flaber- gasted agin,” koncluded Crafty az he 8ot up an’ started back to the hotel, Yours Trooly, RIPP. (To be continued in a subsequent issue) FARMERS ARE AWAKE Mondovi, Wash, National Nonpartisan League, ;. ‘Washington Headquarters: I acknowledge receipt of your booke let and thank you very much for same, ' It gives me much comfort and satise faction to learn that at last there are 'some of our people, the farmers, wak- ing 'up to find where they are at. Iam proud of you and I shall certainly in- dorse one and all your words from sthe cover to back, nothing like it and to think that you are in my state, . That is just fine. Now will you furthep instruct me what I can do to help fur- ther this cause. It seems to appeal to me better than anything I have seen for years. I am in my 59th year, I have farmed in South Dakota and now here since 1890. While in South Da-. kota I was discontented with the" way the farmers were being _fieeced in every way. I went to the pine woods in this state for a few years but there the grafters as in the wheat fields were living and growing rich while I was scarcely holding my own working 16 _hours a-day. Now I am back growing wheat again on a small scale ang must Tenew a $3,000 mortgage. But if T must borrow the money to become g member of your organization I will do it. Just tell me how to proceed. To say that I am delighted is putting it light. Bank ) Vi - on me as I am with you at once for any job. to: help circulate literature. o) o anything you may wish. . GEO. M. DIETRICH, i £