The Nonpartisan Leader Newspaper, October 28, 1915, Page 16

Vil "PAGE SIXTEEN THE NONPARTISAN LEADER As the Humorous Artzsts Look at Llfe The. Resemblanco. The Fat Artist—1 designed my house B0 that it would express myself and re- mind my artistic friends of me. Have you noticed it? The Other One—Sure thing! It's a low, rambling shack, with nothing much for an upper story.—Exchange. Chop Suey. ‘Mrs, Snoebberly—You said you ‘were- Gining. with the Lees? Are they re- lated to- the Lecs of Virginia? Mr. Pfresch--No'm; the Hop Lees of Hongkong.—New York Glob® JUST KIDS. An eastern school principal recalls half a dozen “stock school jokes,” which he declares are undoubtedly known to every man or woman past 38. For instance: The Tennessee. boy who described a volcano as a “mountain where the world busts through.” ¢ The boy who described a museum as a “dead circus.” And ‘there’s a great many donkeys in the. theological gardens.” A de‘Spot is decsribed in histories as a ‘“ruler to be feared.” The boy who writes: “My teacher swatted me with her despot.” “You seem to be better fed than taught,” says the. teacher to the fat boy. “Yes, ma'am,” says he, “but you see | feed myself!” FOOLED ’EM ALL. One Sunday morning a deacon -ob- served- a boy industriously : fishing. After the lad had landed several he approached and said: “My son, it 'is very cruel to impale that poor, help- less beetle upon that sharp hook.” Said ‘the boy: “Oh, 'say, mister, this is only an imitation! It ain’t a real bug.” “Bless .me!” replied the deason. “Why I thought it was a real bug.” The boy, lifting a fine string of fish, said: “So-did these suckers.” A RELIC. “George Washington once dined at this very table,” said the proprietor of the wayside .inn proudly. I see,” said the guest, “and you haven’t changed the tablecloth since.” —New York World. A d;ime with eyes like dreams, Lured on a youh in his ’teens. Sbe copped all his kale—and then set sail To gather 3 new load of “heans ” UP TO HIM Hubby—Mary, I fear we'll have te cut down expenses. ‘Wifie—The only points I see where we can cut down are your cigars rlothes, clubs, ete. THIS IS A BUSINESS AGE - el She—Want to be my partner? He—How much capital can you put n? GO0OD REASON-FOR IT. A certain employer once offered a prize to the driver who could-show the best-groomed horse,-the brightesit tackle, the cleanest stable, and so ‘forth. One of the men, Timothy by name, seemed certain - of ‘this prize, for, after a careful scrutiny, the judge was about to declare him the winner when his eye fell on a cobweb in a dim corner of the mare’s stable. . Timothy saw the udge’s face change and saw the cause of the change, and spoke up briskly: “I keep that web there, sir, to catch the flies. They way they tor- ment the mace is something terrible.” _ THEIR DESTINATIONS. A group of workmen were talking politics, ‘when' one of the disputants turned to a friend who had remained silent during the argument. “’Ere, Bill,” se said, ‘wot’s your opinion?”’ x “l ain’t a-goin’ to say,” said Bill doggedly. “‘Me and Hennery Green thrashed it out once before.” “What did you arrive at."" asked the- first. : ‘Well,” said Bill, “Hennery, e ar- rived at the ’orspital an’ I arrived at the police station. "»—Ladles Home Journal. ; -ALTERED: CIRGUMSTANCES. A young man said to his employer “Sir, isn’t $10 a week rather low for ; this job?” “Low for it?” the old man quened “Why I started on that very same job back in 1879 at $5 a week; and ‘to day I own this buSmese.” : Policeman—How can you be tired ~vhen you are doing nothing? Beggar—I guess it's because there 18 s0 much of it to do. - ° DRAWING ATTRACTIDNS BurLssque l (CMLKER A Uc D l Manager of thé Bon-Tons—Got a pony ballet 1n-your show? . Manager of the Blue - Belles—No. but I've got a Percheron leading wom. an and a Clydesdale chorus. NOT TO HIM. The Old Man—Dié ycu-ever work in sour. life? The Beggar—Onee. " The Old Man—When was that? 3 The Beggar—When I was In jail. CONFUSED She—Of couree, . Ym 0ot as old -as _you think I am.. . He—I hope ' not—l mmuyet“m’r be—that 1s—how olé:zre you? . WHERE YOU FOUND IT. The following Aepiéof!e -took place The usual crowd was gathered at|in a country village in the mnorth of the New York end of the Brooklyn|England. One morning .as a school- bridge, waiting for the trolley cars.| master was proceeding to his school . An elderly lady, red in the face, flus- | he saw a penny. lying ‘on the ground. tered and fussy, dug her elbows into| Picking. it up, he: placed -the penny convenient ribs, irrespective of own-|in his pocket, and after:'the chil- ers. A fat man on her left was the|schoolmaster said: ’ | recipient of a particularly vicious jab. She yelled at him, “Say!” dren had assembled in'the schooi the “Has any child lost any money?” - After a few mo- ments a small boy in the front of the He winced slightly and moved to|class put upyhis hand. #‘Well,:Robert,: one ¢dide. She, too, sidestepped and thumped | ter. him vigorously on the back. “Say” take to Greenwood cemetery?” “Not to me, madam,” he answered | slipping through an openmg in the crowd - LAZY. S A tired little boy sat on the ‘curh: w1th his chin resting on his: halxds. “1. wish 1 was rich!” ‘he exclaimed. “What ‘would you “do - with ' your money if you' were rich?” asked one“ of “his playmatefl. “I'd buy a great' big motor car” | . ouy answered the little chap, “so I could fly. my kite out. of - the back of it without ‘r\mmng my legs off.” : ,PITILESS. : ; “Some: men - have . no hearts,” said ‘the tramp. “‘I’ve been a-tellin’ that to sleep ‘outdoors. { “Didn’t that fetch him?” asked the | other. “Naw. He told me. he was. a—dom ‘Chrlstlan Register, - ,_today?" asked ‘a lady f 2 feller T am so dead broke that I have : he same thing and had .t pay the AL octor: for tellin* him: to do it what do you want?” asked:- the mas- “Please, sir, T° lost a ‘penny,” replied ‘the boy. *“And where did you" she persisted, “does it make | lose your: penny,: Robert?” Anquir:d any ‘difference which ' of these cars 1|the master. **Please, sir, where you found-it:” ~-Robert 'gm: the -penny: - ‘A GOOD: DEEB. A boy scout, as of ¢ourse you know, was supposed to ‘do ofle good deed‘ each day. “What good deed ¢ scout. SR ; “Oh,” said the )oung hero, “mother had only enough castor oil -for' one. dose, S0 I let my sister take xt"' i -NOT" 30» EASY. “What was all dem gwinesion at = - yo’ residence yiste'd’y evenin’, Brud-» der Mooch? Sounded like & fight uh- twixt a’ camp meetin’ and ‘a cata-‘ mount!”: *“Dat?: .Aw, s}mcks sah' !stallment sto’, c’lectm his easy pay : ments"—-—Judge b Dat was F on’y de gen'leman: from de furmtute i 'S