The Nonpartisan Leader Newspaper, October 21, 1915, Page 16

o Fesl Sy PAGE SIXTEEN As the H umorous Artzsts Look at szé TELLING - told her that secret I told you not to tell her. |, Maude—She’s a mean thing! her not to tell you. Madge—Well! I told her I wouldn't 11 you she told me—so don't tell her did. I told NO USE TO DELAY have - heard” my “Now that you . daughter sing, would ‘You-advise-me %o -send her abroad to finlsh her mu- wieal studies?” “Why not finish them right hero sud iow ?”’ HER LOGIG. The waltz was over and the part- ner-of the pretty girl, a serious youth with- spectacles, said to her: - “Let us .go and walk in the garden.” “Oh,~ no,” she saidy “I don’t want to .go into the garden without a chaperone.” The 'bospectacled youth was mild- ly shocked. “I ‘assure you,” he ex- claimed, “that you will not need a chaperone.” The girl tossed her head. ““Then,” she replied, “I don’t want to go into the garden.”—Ladies’ Home Journal. ) Dr. Charles Parkhurst, the:eminent peeacher of New York City, was vis- iting - on ' the outskirts of Bosion. Buring a Sunday stroll ‘he fell into conversation with a little girl.on the outskirts of the city. “And: -where is your papa”” asked the minister. ‘“He’s’ gone ‘into- the woods after squirrels,” came. the reply. i “Qn Sunday? 1 fear your papa doesn’ts fear God, Bertha.” _ “Oh, yes he does,” came the re- dponse; ‘“he took his’ shotgun with Jeim!” 4 WHY SHE WAS SWEET. - She was a lovable. little glrl of 5 years and the th of all who knew “her, e'!pecxally of an aunt... The other ‘day. the aunt, shaking her - lovingly, “Esther, what makes you so - asked: sweet?” “I'don’t know, aunty," was the re- . gy, “unless when God made me He u!ed Ebgnr with dust.”: 0 oo s ——. : Q . “So you have a position in flh office. Madge—Marion told me that you| I hope you will succeed in making ____.___-_____.—___.—__—.—‘————————-—————————-— ‘THE NONPARTISAN LEADER INDISPENSABLE - yonrself indispensable to your em- plover.” : “I think I have, auntie. be married next month.” We are to SHERLOCK HOLMES DEDUCES “I hope 1 8see you well.” “Any body would know you were noi a- doctor.” : DESPERATE. Little Charlotte accompanied her mother to the home of an acquaint- ance, where a dinner-dance was be- ing given. When the dessert course was reached, the little girl was given a place next to her mother at the table. The hostess was a woman much given to talking, and, in relating some interesting incidents, quite forgot to give little Charlotte anything to eat. After some time had elapsed, Char- lotte could bear it no longer. With sobs rising in her throat, she held up her plate. as high as she could and said: “Does ‘anybody want a clean plate"" SOME SMART ALECK WILL INVENT: - A rocking chair that will murmur “Step to the right!” when' you are about to fall over it in the dark. ° An -electric collar ‘button that will automatically light up-when it es- capes you and disappears under the bed. A jitney bus that will become a - fly- Ang-machine:when it finds. itself m danger of running into’ -anything A latchkey with a magnet attach: ment that “will mvanablv find - the keyhole. A square- bnmmed straw hat that may. blow ‘off, but will not roll away. —Judgev ; ALL CRAZY. the twelve men retired, and: ‘after de- liberating returned thh the follow ing! verdict: = ,___,—___________.._..._.-—.~——-—— ; stroppmg hisself! N In Western Georgia a Jury rec ;lyk met to mqulre into a_ case of ‘suicide. | After *sitting through the evidence| SURE REMEDY Wise—There s only one .way te keep from being jealous. when you go! married. Green—How? Wise—Marry an ugly girl, A NECESSITY ."}m Reform Orator—Fellow cld- tens, I cannot tell & lie— Votce From Rear of Hall—Then you : won't last long in politics. TODAY’S IELLRINGER. A New York woman = of fashlon whose hobby is. entertaining children of the poor in her spacious grounds was impressed by one strikingly beau- tiful child of the ghetto. “Does -what: you' see’ here today please you?’’ asked the hoste:s of the big-eyed child: “Tell me,” returned the clnld “how many chlldren have you?” “Two.” " “Do you wash them and keep them clean?” ! “Certamly, my chlld—-why"" i “And is your husband at. work?” ° < “My husband doesn’t work, but—”’ “I ' hope you keep out of debt?” “Say,” burst out the lady, “you are; a very rude child!” “I 'didn’t mean to be _,” remarked the - little gn-l 1 was to be: sure to spenk to _you. us that's the way they talk’ .. SHARPENING 'u'msl»:i.r. “When ‘the train stopped at the lit- tle southern station the tourist from the north sauntered out and -gazed curiously at a: lean animal with self against @ scrub. oak, X ““What do.you call, that?” he asked curiously of a native.: i “Razorback hawg; suh."'» “What is he doing rubbmg himself against that tree?” “He's stroppmg hlsself e FORES BH'I'. “but mother. told me like' a lady, and when ladies: call onl scraggy. bristles that was rubbing: 1t~ 3 HIS DiFFICULTJY Lazy Bill—You wrong-me when you say 1 ain’t willin’ to work. Fm jes’ -dyin’ to work. - J Mr.. Goode—Then, - what's “‘he trouble? Lazy Bill—"m too conscienfioua Whenever 1 git- a’ job. I'm o anxious. to 1ll it well dat I-gits stage:fright. IN OLDEN TIMES "That 5 80; 1 : man can't get a job: after he’getsto bt ) seven; or eight lmndred years old.” TODAV’S IELLflmGER Harnson Cady, the artlst and ‘mag- azme man once emplode an Insh- man_ named Pat O’'Grady in his studlo ‘as_jaitor and general !oustdhout. s “When I Was a boy,” ‘said Pat one . mommg as My Oady was.quietly at ‘| work, “me father told«me to always be prepared for- an- -emergency: ‘For . instance,” he said: “Pat, learn to cut your finger nails with your leit ‘hand, for some day ve mxght lose yer nght, hand.” . . ; "Whek‘e's’,fl"you a stranger ‘of :a c {way ‘at the end of th field thar with the hogs. : You'll. know Aather, cause he's got a ‘hat on. 'Wemans Home Compamon AR : © JUST WAIT. are married and I.am: sharmg all youv griefs and sorrows! : He—But g have no griefs ot sm‘ 'rows ; : She——No, but you vnll have ta)aom! UNNEGESSAR\’. She—Just think Reggie, swhen e