New Britain Herald Newspaper, February 13, 1929, Page 6

As 80 porapective . of:Civil War |- Offics st New Rritain Class Mall Matter. ®diterial Rooms . The emly prefitable advertising mediumn n tl fll’!. Circuiation besks snd press room slweys epen te sdvertisers. the Frews The Awsociated Prese io excluively en- titied to the wee for re-publication of all mows credited to it er not otherwise credited im this paper ad also local news published therein. Mombor Audit Moress of Clrentotion ‘The A. B C. ta « natienal organisation which furnishe~ wewspapers and adver- tisers with & wrictly homest analysis ef circulstion, Owr circulation tatistics sre based wpon this awdit This insures pro- tection sgainst fravd in newspsper dis- tribution figures to both Rationsl amd lacal advertisers. The Herald ie le dally in New York at Hotaling’s Newsstand. Times Square; Schults's Newsstanda Batrance irand ‘Central, ¢3md Strest. —_—— Whenever an actor or actress of the old school dies it may be taken for granted that he or she once play- cd in New Britain. Those were the good old days of buggics and long skirts when the drama in a small city | meant more than reading about it. We note that once again the po- licemen of the city got a Kick in the ribs by the budget pruned the much-mooted clothing allowance. saving amounts to very little to the city but badly dents a policeman’s finances. Perhaps the Commeon Council, liberal-minded and cager to do jus- tice, may see fit to retain the cloth- ing mllowance. Faithful public ser- vants need to be kept smiling. | experts, who This alleged Some spell it “air mail” and others | spell it “airmail.” In our opinion the | use of two words is preferable; but | there is no way of controlling print- | ers who are in a hurry and are | eternally alert to save space. T s | An altitude flyer at Dayton went | up 40,000 feet and had the pleasure of living in an atmosphere of 76 degrees below zero; and that doesn’t meap his thermometer was upside | down, either. ' A tax mill in New Britain amounts to approximately $115,000 on the present grand list. Twenty-eight wills will amount to $3,220,000. Thus one notes that running the city is big business. It is too big a business, in fact, to be run on a political basis. ACCURACY AND ARDOR | Magazines of a certain class can scarcely be regarded as “literature.” Their publishers doubtless would be amaged to find their junk referred to a such. They are not in the busi- | ness of publishing literature. They are attempting to make money by catering 10 & base demand. We are not interested in “Hot Dog” publications, except owning to a professional interest in the kind of rot that circulates as reading matter and thus to approximate the ap- proximate percentage of morons who are in the community. But when books on the library | shelves are included in a frenetic at- | tempt to “purify literature” we rise in protest. Boston has become the |terest (in the history of the Belfast | warfare,” declaring | bellion.’ For some to July 20, 1866, nearly 20 months.” | duys recedes far in the background we sometimes ‘are in denger of over- looking the difficulties that Lincdin had to surmount even in parts of the North. His policiea did ‘not at- tain universal approval; there were eopperl:qui in the' land and some had influence; there were those who thought the President should be more of 4 compromiser; others suf- fered from war weariness long be- fore the final victories of the Union cause insured a united nation. Lin- coln himself had been a minority President, which was certain to pro- 'vide Pleaty ot political die-hards to harass and if possible embarrass the great work of a Union triumph- l ant and advisible. i Over all these Lincoln conquer- | ed. He sympathized with mistaken viewpoints and was not inclined to exercise harshness. Far from being a dictator he steadfastly refused to countenance dictatorial measures against those who suffered from a warped mentality in the face of present national dangers. The ene- my, he said, was at the front; he wasted little time with the pea- shooters in the rear. How his opponents in the North harassed him at this day can be ap- preciated only by referring to the‘ files of publications that existed during the Civil War. Few take the trouble to wade through these yel- lowed pages. i It so happens that the Belfast, Me. | Journal is 100 years old and fitting- | ly published a centenary edition the other day. This newspaper, one of | the most ably cdited of the smaller | city newspapers in New England, op- posed Lincoln violently during the | great conflict. In rchearsing its his- tory, the Boston Herald printed the | following significant paragraph: | “The episode of widest general in- | Journal) occurred in the Civil War period. In 1864 Lincoln issued his call for a half-million men. At the and editor and the Journal usually was referred to as ‘Simpson’s paper.’ He published an editorial about this ‘call for meore victims for the slaughter,’ referring to ‘this shocking that, ‘Linceln, envying the fame of Genghis Khan, |New England since cabinet, and hé has told audiences | |What ails New England and how to - NEW ENGLAND 1IN For: the firat time since the birth of the Republican party the outlook seems to be for mobody from New England being included in the President's cabinet. This possibility irks various loyal New Englanders. It is being pointed out that the West for decades has resented the influ- ence of New England in the presi- dential cabinets and- now this re- sentment in likely to bear practical ftuit. But really, what difference will it make, even to New. England. There is local pride aplenty im this tier of northeastern” states; but representa- tion, in the cabinet in past adminis- trations deca..-not seem to have ameliorated the peculiar problems of this section. If it has been satisfac- tory to our pride to point to the presidential cabinet and single out honorable gentlemen from New Eng- land, what definite advantage has resulted? None that we know of. William F. Whiting of Holyoke isucceeded Herbert Hoover as secre- tary of commerce only recently. The chief good that has accrued, it ap- pears, is to be able to say that Mr. Whiting is from New England. Mr. Whiting '“3“ made a few speeches in sitting in the circumvent or * cure the ailment. come from a commerce sccretary in- stead of a paper manufacturer did not seem to make them more practi- cal of application. New England's future lies within New England. After all, scctional pride in possessing cabinet members does not solve local problems. Of net; but the future of New England does not rely upon obtaining one. We have had a plenitude of New Eng- land cabinet members in the past and the problems remained or multi- |time William H. Simpson was owner | plied; perhaps we can do just as well ! by the problems without the cabinet | members. At least; we worse. can do no TEACHERS' SALARIES AND MATRIMONY was going to build a tower of skulls,’ and adding that Lincoln ‘acted "as though the American people were but cattle in the shambles to be| slaughtered at his pleasure.’” A Ban- | gor grand jury indicted Simpson for | ‘giving aid and comfort to the re- | months he was' under arrest but never imprisoned. | At the trial he .demurred that the article contained no offense under the law and the demurrer was allow- ed by the court. However, he took stock of the troubled conditions of the time snd suspended publication of the paper from December 2, 1864, The voices of the Simpsons have. been effectually stilled in the face of | the general acclaim accorded Lin- coln's greatness. The episode in Maine at this time serves to illustrate the sort of thing Lincoin had to com- bat within his own'ranks. He 1n fact | won a double victory—one against the Confederacy and another againat the copperheads. Simpson and his kind no doubt were sincere; but one pauses to reflect that no such sin. cerity was permitted to come to the surface during the World War. | | | | | SILK One cannot help admiring the fighting qualities of Horace B Cheney, of Bauth Manchester, Conn., In New Haven the superintendent of schools, Frank H. Beede, has been making sn investigation school situation throughout the state. It he had circumscribed his in- | vestigation to New Haven we would bave paid no attention to his find- ings. But he looked things over statewise and compared them with New Haven; and that is where New Britain was mentioned. In & report on salaries the New Haven superintehdent said those for |elementary school teachers In his ' are the lowest of the seven largest cities, and that New Britain's ele- mentary school salaries are the high- est, The average figure in New Ha- ven is $1,715, as against $1,966 in New Britain. New Haven stands sixth in: average salaries paid high school teachers. Which speaks ‘well for New Britain in valuing its teachers and not mo well for New Haven, as Superinten- dent Beede ably contends to his school board. To the New Haven superintendent also goes considerable credit for trot- ting forth'the pros and cons of em- ploying married school teachers, a subject which has been under di cussion hereabouts as well as in New ‘What he said was not especially new, | and because his words happened- to | course, we would like a man from , New Eungland In Mr. Hoover's cabi- | of the | team of Hartford last night. The score was 21'te 1. It"is rumored that the service on the third rail system between here and Hartford will be increased thi year to a 15-minute achedule, but it is said that this will be for only cer- tain hours of the day. F. G. Platt has been elected chair- man of the hospital executive com- mittee. Supt. of Wires Cooley does net appear to be alarmed at the cam- paign against him. He said today that he had no statement to make. ¥e did declarc, however, that he bad te make all reports to the ccuncil and that this body had not met for a long time. . Chairman A. J. Sloper said today that the program for the Sons of the American Revolution banquet to be held Monday in Hanta's armory is not quite ‘complete. Invitations have Leen sent out, but mot all i speakers have been definitely heard from, Facts and Fancies If all those who eat in boarding houses were placed side by side at one table, they would reach. Mr. Darwin couldn't have been 1right. No matter how much you pet a monkey, it doesn't try to boes you. The civil war in Afghanistan isn't 80 very hard on the.natives. They have cooties all the time. The cost of running one great eastern university is $10,000,000 a year, and its coach fan't a winner, ether. That chap who invented an illum- inated key-hole might try his hand now on a trap for the dodo. The final test of personality is to uppear unshaved and patched and persuade the Rolls Royce agent to give you a demonstration, The uplifters have won and Amer- ica no longer gets her styles from France. French women don’t smoke. | Why buy expensive books to im- press your guests when you can get a reprint of Einstein’s theory ‘or 25 cents? Winter exposure kills some boll weevils, but not the ones that de- stroy cotton. The destructive ones are the females. A complacent feel- reaking t wrong if it's done by a fellow as decent as you are. v Chicago claims a 76,000 gain in population last year, thus proving the stork more efficient than the birds who specialize in the other kind of work. Theso people who yearn for a thrill might try walking down a back street with something resem- bling a pay roll. Mr. Hoover may banish poverty, All Sct for the Day? Pocts, polish up your lines, Merchants, trot out Valentines, Husbands; as you prise your lives Buy the fool things for your wives! Fair and Warmer! Sunday School Teacher: “After the Lord fad made the light and the darkness what did He do?" Pupil: “Called it a day!" THE LAMENT OF THE RAH-RAN BABY! . By Harry C. Gerrill I'm strong for the noble old college (I'm stronger, of course, for the frat), But I think it is grand to sit up in the stand And root for the team an® a1l that; I'm full of collegiate spirit, My country, too, gives me a thrill, 1 think it's immense but T can’t see the sense Of militant tactics like drill— I deeply deplore all this training for gore, I cannot approve of the drill! I'm a wonder at wild celcbrations, Whenever we capture a game, I've becn pinched more'n once for my sousified stunts In toasting the Varsity's name; But drill is a different matter, My loyal young heart gets a chill From tkis marching around on the rough rocky ground, I haven't much spirit for drill— I'm strong, in my way, for the old U. 8 A, But I'd rather not show it by drill! T don't know a thing about tactics, At shooting I'm worse than the dubs, But drill is a crime when it takes so much time From dancing clubs; They tell me, of course, that 1 need it To build up my strength and skill, Byt it's hard work and rough (I don’t care for that stuff). So I can't sce the reason for drill— Though my heart it may bleed for my country in need, T haven't much patience with drill! and rooting and ay Great Joke! “Who are those two fel- 80 heartily over Cutler: lows laughing there?"” Buckley: “Just a couple of suc. cessful candidates looking over their pre-election promises!” —D. 8. Goldfern If there was less of the 4 a. m. to 8 p. m. eternal’ grind, all-work- and-no-play, quick-work-and-slow- pay, in the farraer boy's portion, more of them would stay “down on the farm,” and less of them would be “down en” the farm! but the hard part of the job will be catching it at home. Usually it's out in the car. A hick town is a place where cverybody knows who traded in the used car you bought. Those two flyers who quit a test flight Lecause they quarreled de- serve credit for giving us the first illuminating example of high dud- C minor Quartet, Op. 18, No. ¢ .. Kaiser Quartet ............ Haydn On the ocoasien of the recent oen- cert-in a little theater in Now York for the exclusive of the well-to-do, the latter themsalves selocted as the musical program the following: Gershwia Moral: It's no fun being a hobo! — She Sald Plenty! Curtis: “How many cases did you try yesterday, Judge?" Judge: “Only one. It lasted all afterneon.” Curtis: “Important, I suppese.” Judge: 0. It was a woman ar- rested for ipeeding and 1 was foel enough to ask her what she had to say for herself!" —Peter J. Fane. (Copyright, 1939, Reproduction Forbidden) QUESTIONS ANSWERED You can get an answer (o any question of fact or information by writing to the Question Editor, New Britain Herald, Washington Buresu, 1322 New York avenue, Washington, D, C., enclosing two cents in stamps for reply. Medical, legal and marital advice cannot be givem, nor can ex- tended research be undertaken. All other questions will receive & pere sonal reply. Unsigned requests can- not be answerad, All letters are con- fidential.—Editor, Q. What is the origin of name Joeck? A. It is a German Family name, from the Hebrew name Jacob, mean- the Elmo" written by the same Author? A. “East Lynn” was written by Mrs. Henry Wood (Ellen Price Wood) and “8t. Elmo” by Mra. Au- gusta J. Evans (Wilson). Q. 8hould the holder of a license us master electrician be called an electrical engineer? A. The title engineer is only ap- plied to persons who have received a degree in electrical engineering fram a college, Q.. When was the Dempsey-Car- pentier fight at Jersey City, New: Jersey? A, July 2 1921, Q. What is a good polish for zinc? A. To clean zinc, stir rye bran into a paste with boiling water, and add a handful of silver sand and & little vitriol. Rub the articles with this paste, rinse with water, dry and polish with a cloth. Q. Are Filipinos American citi- zens? A. No; they are citizens of the Philippine Islands, posscasing Ameri- can nationality because they owe allegiance. to. the. United. States. They can become naturalized Ameri- can citizens. i Q. I a German becomes & British citizen and then comes to the United B8tates, under what quota would he be admitted? A. The quota of Great Britain. Q. What was the coldest day re- corded in New York city? A. December 30, 1917, when the thermometer reached 13 degrees below zero. | Q. What is the meaning of the| rame Musette? A. Itisa French diminutive form of the Bible name, meaning “drawn out”. It is a patronymic and means “little child of Moses". Q. Who is the head of the pro- hibition enforcement unit in the United States? ing a supplanter or substitute. | Q. Were “East Lynn” and “8t.! Q. When were clocks made first in Amerion? 3 A. . Amorican clocks were first manutactured by Ell Terry in Con- necticut about the year 1800, Q. Who was the last English monaroh of the House of Hanover? Ot what house is the present king? A. The House of Hanover in England paased out ef existonce with Queen Victoria, who married a Saxe-Coburg. King Edward VII founded the dynasty of the House of 8axe-Coburg which is now carried on under the name of the House of Windsor by King George V. The name was changed during the world war becaube Saxo-Coburg was “of German erigin, Q. When was the nickname “Black Jack” first applied to Gen- eral Pershing? A. Between 1895 and 1899. At that time General Pershing was tactical instructor at West Point, and also was an offticer of the Tenth Cavalry, a negro regiment. The cadets applied the nickname “Black Jack” or “Negro Jack". . Where and when will the next world's fair be held in the United States? A, The world’s fair centennial celebration will be held in 1933 at Chicago, 1l . . Q. What do the letters R. A. after the name of an artist signify? A. That the artist is & member of the Royal Academy of Arts in London, England. Q. What is the nationality and meaning of the name Seraphima? A, It is derived from the Hebrew word “seraph” meaning “burning or shining one”. It is also the name of an order of angels in Hebrew theology, the Seraphim. *Q. Who is the present ruler of China and where is the scat of government? A. General Chiang Kai-shek is president of the republic of China, and the seat of government is at N-nylnr. Observations On The Weathe ‘Washington, Feb. 13.—TForecast for Southern New England: Cloudy, not quite so celd tonight; Thursday light snow or rain, slowly rising temperature; moderate to fresh east and southeast winds. Forecast for Eastern New York Cloudy; not quite #o cold, with snow flurries in central and north por- Welcome to This Inn of tions tonight; Thuraday light rain or lenow; slowly rising temperature; - nederate to fresh cast and seuthcast ‘winds. n > Conditions: The area of high preasyre moved northeastward to the nerth Atlantic states with center 3 near Nerthfield, Vt. A portion of the southw disturbance advanced into the lower Ohio valley and is central over Illinols. It is producing snow in lower Michigan and the Lake Michigan and western Lake Eric districts, Centers of low pressure prevail over Arvizona and western North Dakota with & trough between them. 1 Areas of high pressure averlic the' upper lake region and the Pacific coast states. Conditions favor for this vicinity increasing cloudiness and alightly warmer followed by light rain er anow. Temperatures yesterday: Low 30 3 20 14 16 18 10 Atlanta ..... Atlantic City .... Boston . Chicago Cincinnati Denver . Detroit ..coouee Duluth . Hatteras .. Kansas City ....... L.os Angeles Miami .... Minneapolis Nantucket . New Haven New Orleans . New York . Norfolk, Va. ....o00 Northfield, Vt. ..... Pittsburgh .. Portland, Me. 8t. TLouis .... ‘Washington 40 18 30 -16 14 6 28 23 Falls and burns caused 60 per cent of the 1,900 accidental fataM. ties in Amcrican homes during one month last year, Hoapitality in New York PRINCE GEORGE HOTEL FIFTH AVENUE AND 28TH ST. ALBURN M. GUTTERSON, MANAGER 1,000 ROOMS WITH BATH Single with Bath $3 to $4—Double with Bath $4 to $6 A HOME IN THE HEART OF THINGS 5" A mauon is in attendance for the comfort and assistance of ladics traveling alonc. PURESIDKNTIAL INAUGURATIONS SINCE 1789 Why does a new President take ofl fice on March 4 instead of gome other day? How many Presidents have heen sworn in on some other day? How long has the custom: of taking the oath in front of the Capitol becen in effect? Who may admimister the osth to & new President? Who notifies a Presf elect that he has neen elected? Which President had the m suguration ceromony? Why did rifiemen on housetops g march of one President-cloct? How balls? At whose inaugurction did the glassware and ruin the rugs and carpe dential parade had a procession of log cabls tho lne of many Prosidents hav d inaugural crowd smash the furniture, chiva and ets at the White House? What Presi- d cider barrele in it? These and scores of cther interesing facts about the inaugurations of all the Presidents from Washington to Hoover are covered In our Wa: ington Burcau's latest bulletin, carefully compiled from historical sources. You will want & copy. Fill out the coupon below and send forit: ~ 11 want & copy of the bulietin PRESI 1789 and enc herewith five cents - e am = = CLIP COUPON NERE= = == o= o= = HISTORY EDITOR, Washington Bureau, 1322 New York Ave.® Washington, D. C. 1 DENTIAL INAUGURATIONS SINCE in coin, or loose, uncancellied U. 8. New Britain Herald, |mn:gc stamps to cover postage and handling costs: STREET AND NUMBER who faced with the fact that silk| | bperts wre loss than flve wer conl|yupgg) superintendents throughont of domestic consumption, is out to | the country “to show the great dif. | raise the tariff dutics so high that | rorence of opinion existing." Four | crrx L 1 am a feader of the New Britain Herald, A. James M. Doran, sioner of prohibition. Q. How many lives are lost by fire annually in the United States? A. It is estimated about 15,000. Haven. Data was quoted from 954 | 5<ON. commis- laughing stock of the nation because its law officials have taken isolated passages in books to determine whether they are demoralizing. As a Our own prize offer: A large sum in paper marks to the first amateur author who drags in an imposeible the result would be a virtual embar- | i conmequence some 40 volumes of &enuine literature are unsalable In Boston; but are obtainable in Cam- bridge, which is cight minutes dis- tant by subway. Under such a diagnosis even Shakespeare and the Bible would be unfit to read. There is Werner's admirable his- tory of “Tammany Hall,” which is in | the New Britain Institute. There are 80. Mr. Chency is the author of the present silk rates, which he wrote for the boys in Washington six years ago. Despite the paucity of imports the silk busincss has been poor, 8o Mr. Cheney wants higher rates to shut out the five per cent imports. If he succeeds it is fair to conelude that his troubles will remain. Tt isn't the tariff that injures the silk pages in it that reek with filth; but without them the hook would not be | a complete history of Tammany | Hall. It was just as thoroughly | necessary to pieture the liaison be- | tween Tammany and the vice indus- iry. Reading the pages devoted to | this documentated story i mostly of court comment—perhaps purist to whom all pure. but can scarcely be regarded as superfluous. consisting | : without | joit a| things are not eviden would a Buch instances could be multipliced Of course, such.books are in the library, where they belong. Tt would be & peculiar library indeed if litera- ture were barred hecause of isolated passages such as these referred to. A minister of the gospel preached a sermon in the city recently upon the topic. “Accuracy and Ardor,™ pointing out that the one without the other was not only contrary to ¢ ristian teachings, but resuited in one-sided and warped conclusions. We recommend the sermon to the literary witch-hunters. x i As for the putrid magazines, they have no defenders. | LINCOLN'S DETRACTORS | Tt is fitting that the mame/ char-’|have his way he would get a law' acter and achicvements of Abrgham | Lincoln should be acclaimed now f1om being manufactured. although |'the Latholic church. that another Great 15 and gone. anniversary of “the ancipator's Lirth has deme | {ing their plant in Ame | onsrl trade, but the new inventions. For there “near-sil what not; look and w: cost conside instance, is rayon, these like the real thing and and bly less. Wasn't it Mr. Hoover himself who some months | 4go attended the opening of a huge ik ¢? The object of the mill is to provide consumers with an article new near- mill down Tenne of near-silk that is so much like in | reasons were found for the employ- major reasons against the practice. | These, summed up, are as follows: ] 1. When a woman marrics she | starts upon a new career: 2. The | teacher expects when she ‘marries and the public assumes that her hus- band will give her proper financial support. It is unfair to others that a teacher continue to obtain from the public a salary which should be paid to some ambitious young woman | tion for teaching: 3. The married woman is less dependable and is not %0 independent us the unmarried teacher; 4. The married teacher fs unprofessional and does _not take summer courses nor does she like [ teachers' meetings. Sons in favor of the married teach- 8. 1. There is nothing about mar- riage which disqualifies a teacher the real silk that even experts are at times deceived. The crowd of textile the hopped over the tariff wall by build- and Mr. Hoover himself congratulated them sharps who invented process a, upon their perspicacity. wear a sitk the Of course, when we shirt we prefer it to real tiring. But we have no way of know- | sionally, whatever may be true of in- | ing that. The haberdasher pro- prietors say it is silk. but that may “wool” only a_ trad name, such as or “fresh eggs.”” The imi- tation silk manufacturers, who' are | when it made its rules pertaining 10 | the running wild throughout the. are the chict competitors of our silk plants, and we fear tariff watls will fail to be an aid. Mr. Chency. of course, is thoroughly conversant with this situation. Doubtless if he'could passed absolutely barring near-silk then we probably would have a lat of hegileg itk that would be just s to contemplate. legally, morally or professionally for | teaching: 2. The state has made a {financial investment in every teach- cr and instead of desjring to d miss her on iretuge: 1he should desire her services: lof the conditions of marricd I make 4 woman a better teach. | hecomes more considerate and | 1y, Jess selfish, and more likely 1o 4 the needs of others: 4. Prof. state Many life | divi dividual teachers, there is no reason | Why married teachers should be un- | progressive. | p We trust the, Board of Education, angd. | married teachers, went into the mat- | LWo hav ter quite as thoroughly. | | 125 Years Ago Today The Plainville five department has répived a handsowc frumpet from her Walsh ad ||. (VJ“")H’f 2 Norton last Preses night- ‘ The BB (atl 1 l1y defcated:the athedral sound- Lyceun: ment of married teachers, and four | who has made professional prepara- | On the other hand he cites rea- | - |and Newington to glishman without making By gad.” The two words that suggest the maximum of filth, dishonor, deceit |and plain rottenness are innocent while aione. Neither “sweet” nor “papa” is a bad word. When you observe a man weeping al a talkic, you can't tell whether he has a sensitive heart or sensi- tive cars. Correct this sentene on six used-car dealers,” said he. “and not on: offered me a car formerly owened by an old gentle- man who never had it off the pave- ment.” Copyright, 1929, Publishers Syndicate COMMUNICATED “T called | New Britain Gentlemen | Editor of the New Britain Herald. | Dear Sir, Thanks are men who go xpressed to the few . Hartford trolley, for showing that | there are still some gentlemen left in this city. | The men who are | recognized each day as the class who | keop their seats when ladies stand holding their bundles for a 45 min- ute ride. Several cases have been known of when ladies have actually suffered from dizziness and cramps, caused | from standing so long. and have had | to ask another lady for her seat for inder of the way. One or ainted | Special appreciation is given to the imen who offer their seats and show that there are still a few gentlemen in New Bri are. many ‘ COMMUTER. | = CEld i i DEBATE Montpelier, Vt., ¥eb. 13 (UP)— In the midst of a heated deba Linus Leavens, T0, state commis | and game, sioner of with apoplexy and died during a aily from New Britain | Hartford on the | was stricken | A Coming Out Party! AQUA TAMALE STEDIO GETS A PADLOCK By Kenneth D. Stetter To My Patrons and Uushers Whom it May Conehern: Greetings, ‘Yoush hush probably notished in the papers zhat she Tqua Tamale Stewdio hash been she reshipient of a nighsh new padlock, show 1 con- sider it my duty to explain to my cushmers jush why and all aboush it. In she firsh playsh, she Chiefs of she Ensousment Burcau came to my playsh she usher morning and ordered an eye-opencr ash hach been hish habit shince lash Novem- Ler. He drinks it down, and she he shez he wants anusher one. 1 gives him anusher one, but dush he drink it? No, he putch it 1n a little bottle, and shez to me zhat he ish shorry bush I will hash to close up. Zhen he hash a nighsh new pad- lock put on the front door. Whash yoush shink of zhat, eh? Thash ish | whash yoush woush call a rum deal. Thanking yoush for yoursh pash- | cd patronage, T ish . Propr. Aqua Tamale Stewdio (Now under padlock) I 8. Very confidenshally. She Ensousment Chief now entcrs she | hack door of she stewdio whish ish | not padlocked. show if any of my cushmers whishes to she me re- member zhat there ish no padlock |on she back door. Power! | Williams: “What is it that mak-s {you mad if it doesn't work, but [ madder if it does? Ballin: “T give up.” Williams: “An alarm clock!” -—Nell Freeman Music for the Masses! On the occasion of a recent con- cert in a New York hotel for the exclusive use of hoboes. the latter themselves sclected the following musical progratn: Humorerqne Irverak Tearing at the state hovse here last night. Death and the Maiden .. Schubert WHEN AUNT EPPIE GOES DoWN To EAST TOONERVILLE WHERE THE SIDEWALKS ARE $0 NARROW AND THE STREETS KNEE OEEP WITH MUD, SHE ALWAYS PUTS ©N HER PATENT PEDESTRIAN PASSER . )