New Britain Herald Newspaper, August 20, 1927, Page 6

New Britain Herald NERALD PUBLISHING COMPANY od) lssued Dally (Sunday Rxcept At Herald Bldg, 67 Church Street SUBSCRIPTION RATES 9100 & Year. $3.00 Three Moutha T6c. & Month. Entered at the Post Office at New Brit- ain s Second Class Mall Matter. TELEPHONE CALLS Business Office Editorial Rooms 26 The only profitable advertising medium o the City. Circulation books and press room always open to advertisers Member of tho Assceiated Press The Associated Press ia exclusively en- titled to the use for re-publication of all mews credited to it or mot otherwise credited in this paper and also local published thereln. Member Audit Bureau of Circulation The A. B. C. s & national organization which furntshes circulation. Our circulation statistice based upon this audit This insures pro- tection agaigst fraud in newspaper dis- tribubion fighres to both national and local advertisera. The Herald is on sale dally in_Ne.w York at Hotaling's Newsstand, Times Square; Schults's Newsstands, Entrance Grand Central, ¢2nd Strest. — It may be hard to conquer Ire- land, but golf is doing it. When Wall street “‘expresses sur- prise” somebody always loses. Up in Maine a resort magnate stimulated business by sponsoring an ankle beauty contest. Such a risque exhibition surely should be prevent- ed by the majesty of the law. Thought so: Lindy is getting tired of banquets and speeches. He & merely in the same state of mind as the typical reporter. The gasoline situation in Con- necticut has been “investigated” suf- ficiently to understand approximate- 1y how much the retailers make on a gallon; but what is more inter- esting would be to know how much the distributors and producers make. Poker players had best remain out of Florida. The court decision there which forces a man to pay a “debt” of $600 he contracted at cards rules that the state does not “penalize” gambling. This must be a repercussion from real estate speculation. Down in Philadelphia a college professor got himself talked about by claiming that the male figure is “more decorative” than the female, and that there should be beauty contests for the mere men. Now that is an idea. As male judges natur- ally would feel too jealous to give a just decision a jury of their peers —figuratively and actually—would be necessary. Some live and wide- awake rival of Atlantic City could gain much in publicity if such a contest were started. The New York petticoat manufac- turer who turned a losing business tnto a highly profitable enterprise by turning to the manufacture of silk underwear was an enterprising opportunist. But the affidavit of the appraisers ofe his estate wrote th» epltaph, “He literally worked him- selt to death in building up his busi- ness.” From this it is fair to assume that had the erstwhile petticoat manufacturer heen ing and gone broke he would still he alive. THE GOVERNOR'S OPINION Governor Trumbull swered the letter of M to the effect he did not favor having cor an- investigation of state gasoline prices, it appears that the oil companies have won a victory through the of- fice of the state exccutive. We rather think Sccretary Ben- son of the Chamber of Commerce is correct in his view that the gov- ernor was not asked to regulate the price of gasoline, but have a state opinion would merely Public automat investigation. have regulated prices downward to a cer- taln extent if the investig showed profiteering—as it probably would have done. Now, however, we are going to lot the gasoline companies alone, so far as the state is concerned. The governor's attitude is hard to under- stand in view of the fact that says he personally belicves the gaso- line companies should not charar more in this state than in neighbor- ing states, after the state tax is de- ducted; at the same to lend a hand in getting at bottom of the difficulty. The to price regulation by state excentive time he refuses the governor says he is opposed can still he state to this in principle, vet be of methods to ree price the It w s in tace of a public emergency done in the coal crisis of a few years ago, and was common dn the war days. It all pends, of course whether one cares to consider th high price of gasoline in Conneeti- cut in the nature of an emergency. Most autoists will so nearly related that it is difficult ence. The not to he allowed to rest. The mayor should agree that it s to an emergency to find a differ- agitation should not rest until all means of bringing mit for the new less enterpris- | Weld | an | to, ion had | he | opposed b In favor i 1 about more equitable rates, which|is completed it will be one more|Cincinnatl, cldy .. originate from the producing com- panies, are exhausted. Every city and town in the state has been aroused over the inordinately high prices and the move to bring the companies to time is as popular as it can be. The governor has missed an opportunity to be of real service to the people of the commonwealth. Had he been minded to take com- mensurate action he could easly have found a way. PUBLIC WORKS Just as the building commission was the nemesis of the Paonessa ad- ministration, so the board of pub- lic works can become the weak sis- ter in the Weld administration un- less the brakes are properly ap- plied. Fortunately, there is evidence that this is being done. The board of public works, since it has functioned under the present administration, has been consider- ably in the public eye and has been subject to more criticism than should be the case in a smoothly running public department. Where there is so much smoke there must be some fire, will be the public at- titude unless there is less smoke in future. The public works board has giv- en heed to the unanimous decision of the Common Council that the lowest bidder be given the contracts in condult construction. The public works board, be it said to its de- fense, had the advice of the city engineer to go by; but a lowest bid happens to be just that, and ade- quate bonds and city inspection of the work will appeal to most citi- zens as satisfactory protection. This contract has now been let as the Common Council stipulated and there is nothing more to be said. The Suzio concern will have to per- form the work properly at its low price, and the eity will be properly protected through the machinery of the law. The recent ruction over the con- templated paving of Corbin place did not leave a good impression in the minds of citizens, the public works board being generally cf ited with desiring to pave a thor- oughfare for the benefit of contigu- ous property owners. The claim that politics had been played in the city vards likewise made happy repercu mind; and no ons in the public the matter of paving at South Main and Stanley streets, near the filling station of hoard's chairman, is still under vestigation. the in- Our advice 1s for the bhoard of public works to watch its step; and that the city watch the board of public works, A NEW IDEA The representatives of sundry civic and lunchecun clubs will hold an important noonday mecting at the Burritt Monday, at which time Judge W. Hungerford, president of what until now has been known 1s the Civic Music Association, will preside. The object will be to adopt a constitution and by-laws, and ties of the by the way in all probability will be association—which later, as all kinds of public enter- tainments in addition to mu al of- | ferings are eventually to he includ- ed in its activities, This organization has been form- ing since last spring, when the rep- ives of virtually all luncheon | ic clubs began mecting in ! an effort to bring about a cohesion of effort. The artists cone New Britain Musical Club. the New Britain Choral the United Parents and Teachers asso- ciations no doubt will receive the cia- of the Socie first consideration of the a. tion; and there are other attractions to consider, it is said, as time goes by. It the get such an organization for the may be late in year most effective work coming season, as contracts usually are signed in the spring. But with careful and painstaking effort doubt much no satisfactory achieve- ment can he accomplished during | the first year of the The following vears, cessful first ye Such the cultural a fillated clubs, in mor: organization. after a suc- r. should be easier. orgunizations, embracing ivitles of many af- have been a success than The Hungerford 100 cities, wave has hit Britain, ar Judge ind his aids will no | doubt guide the new idea in an ef- fective and satisfactory manner, A\ NEW DOWNTOWN BUILDING Announcement of the plans for the construction of a new downtown building on Main strect hy Tonis T Raphael no doubt was ree h Ly citizens ived w considerablc 1ction zealous of the good appearance the n husiness colony. Th site on Ma o neous 1 stre but upon it will rise onc of 1 | prettiest downtown structures | cording to the plans The | the so-called city has bes | this year than last vears. The building returns s considerably boosted with the per- building. When it adopt a policy to guide the activi-| given a more comprehensive name | to! together | this ; of | monument to the enterprise of one of New Britain’s most enterprising citizens. SUPERNUMERARIES It is astonishing to learn that un- til the present time:supernumerary policemen had to furnish their own revolvers, handcuffs and similar equipment, in addition to furnishing their own uniforms. They still must furnish the uniforms, but the city from now on will furnish the other necessary equipment. For the city to furnish the uniforms also would not be unreasonable. It is not surprising that numerary policemen have been hard to obtain. Considering that each candidate has had to spend $50 or 50 in addition to paying the cost of a uniform, the job has not been worth the outlay. It the highest type of supernumerary officers are de- sired—men who know the names of the streets they are patrolling, and men possessing intelligence and tact —the police commissioners must of- fer sufficient inducements to get that kind of talent. The city is entitled to the best type of supernumerary offjcers. super- NEW HAVEN'S FINANCING The management of the Haven railroad has sent us a com- plete synopsis of the refinancingy plan which has been adopted by the | railroad’s stockholders, and if fig- ures don't e it is a pretty good plan. Perhaps it would take one of the fabled Philadelphia lawyers to ' digest the plan in detail, and as life is not as long as we would like New it to be, we haven't weighed every statement adequately nor attempted to check up all the figures. But if a fairly careful analysis is of any value, the scheme to rehablilitate the road a step further than the management has done so far can new be called fully satisfactory. The gist of the plan is to issue 50,000,000 in cumulative 7 per cent preferred stock to retire a part of the road's indebtedress to not' nearly the government. If this were done, then Secretary Mellon pur- posed to sell the road's obligations in the public marts, it was said; and that wouldn't be any help at all to the railroad. The government indebtedness calls for interest at 6 per cent. The road, therefore, would issue cumulative preferred stock at 7 per cent to pay off a loan of 6 per cent. But there is a difference between the two percentages apart from the difference between the figures. The government's 6 per cent must be paid; the preferred stock 7 per cent will not be paid unless earned. The road expects to earn the 7 per cent, but it must be carned before the That, after all, difference. money Is paid. The change in financing will have the important aspect of changing the issues of bonds comparable with stocks from a ratio of 2 to 1, as at | present, to 2 to 2; that is to say, there will be as many of the one as of the other. The best plan is to have the ratio 2 to 1 in favor of stocks. It is the heavy bonded debtedness that has been harming the prospects of many public car- in- riers, as during had years—and the New Haven has had hard sailing | 1913—the interest on the! bonds has to be paid all the same, while the stockholders, in case of need, can go without at least, that is what happens when | the rouds fail to earn them. | since dividends— During the last year of ment control the N govern- W Haven had a | deficit of more than $27,000,000; tlll the the last fiscal year it had net earnings of more than $8,- that is | on the upgrade; the rec- ord makes for confidence in the fu- | ture, and E. G. Buckland, vice- | declared that ~ he is not far distant | when there will be dividends on the | common stock. Let all stockholders | feel glad, end of 00,000, This indicates clearly New England's greatest carrier definit president, has hopes the time Observations On The Weather Washington, Aug. 19 stern New York land—partly clondy {Sunday: not much | perature. — Forceast: and New Eng- Saturday and change in tem- | | Conditions: | The disturbance that was south of | Nantucket Thursday night has | |moved northeastward off the coast The outlook is for mostly faft weather Saturday and Sunday in states cast of the Mississippi River Winds: North of Sandy Hook — Genfle riable hecoming moderate south- weather partly overcast Satur- v Hook to F tresh north. partly overca s aver extreme south portion tteras—Moder- United States Weath- tions Mer, Time) Pre. In Ther- mom. rom, 30,06 29,94 ntie | Block 1 pt. 20,08 1,00 98 on, pt. eldy 7 29.88 is considerable of a | written that { John Norton and Denver, pt. cldy Detrolt, cldy ... Duluth, cldy .... Galveston ,pt. cldy Hatteras, rain Helena, cldy Jacksonville, cldy Kansas City, cir .. Knoxviile, pt. cldy Louisville, cldy ... Los Angeles, cir . Memphis, cir . Montgomery, pt. cldy Montreal, cldy Nantucket, cldy . New Orleans, cir FactsandFancies Tradition is what gives history a few fancy touches. Prophets are funny because they have no sense 6f humor. Few booze fighters know when they're licked. Man may have his way for a| brief season but eventually Nature has hers. Disrespect for constitutional law is the price paid for constitutional freedom. If dad says the movie was rotten and mother says it was wonderful, the heroine wore $10,80 worth of gorgeous clothes. One misses the rolling r-r-r-r's where the automatic telephone sys- tem is in use, Prison wardens never seem to taken any special pride in entertain- ing distinguished convicts. The bachelor's idea reiative to the divorce evil is that prevention is better than cure. Americanism: Finding fault with the high cost of living: considering the § sex novel dirt cheap. It the fellow exaggerates in your | favor you don't feel like calling him a liar. It's such an ugly word. She used to boast that he was an ideal husband. Now she is a grass widow looking for a new model. All kinds of people subscribe to the aphorism that it takes all kinds of people to make a world. There isn't complete sex equality No woman feels free to ach a stranger and say: “Gotta match | It is human nature that makes the motorist think the one-way street ought to turn around and go his way. A year or two ago an American cynic remarked that intelligence is a crime in the United States, but he hasn't been arrested yet. It is held in truth that a skunk is not offensive until it reaches a | certain age. How like unto an cgg of certain age is the skunk. There being nothing new under the sun, tear gas may date hack to Alexander the Great. For is it not | he wept for more worlds to conquer? Correct this sentence: “I've known her for years,” sald the wo- man, “and I've never heard her criticise anybody.” Copyright, 1927, Publishers 25 Years Ago Today Manager Hanna of the Opera | House will open the season August 9 with Harry Miner's Bohemian ravaganza company. Labor Day he will put on Fred Irwin's Majes- ties. It was learned today that an at- tempt was made to burglarize N. E. Mag's clothing store on the west side of Main street the other night, probably by the same gang that cleaned out Shaklian's store in the Crean block. The rear windows are protected by iron bars and a couple of these were pulled out. It is pre- sumed the thieves were frightened away before they finished the job. Many from here will go to Hart- ford tomorrow to see President Roosevelt. and family, Fred Mrs. Lewis, and others at- tended the Hotchkiss family re- union at Compounce today. Chief Rawlings has received no- fice that the next meeting of the Chiefs of Police association will be held at Savin Rock. He will attend. City Clerk Thompson received & letter this morning from Colonel Hert, electrical engineer of the con- ed road, informing him that the company would turn its high voltage current into the third rail ibles between Berlin and New Bri- tain today. Alderman O. F. Curtis received a letter from Colonel Heft saying the common council regula- tions are satisfactory. Superintend- ent Cooley is not vet satisfied that the city the best of 1t under the New Britain directory for printed by Price, Lee & Co. New Haven, was distributed about the city today. It contains 464 pages and runs from A. Howard Abbe to Valenta Zyla. There are 12,- 383 names, an increase of 383. On v and soli | His will be forwarded to New York. The Flies in the Ointment of Summer! “It isn't the heat, it's does {t!"” ‘We dread more than “dog-days” the voices who buzz it; And likewise the pests that persis- tently say: “Is it hot enough for you?” least twice a day!! humidity at Pleasure Come Singly Powers: “I hear that you and your wife are to take separate va- cations Tyson: “Yes. In that way I'll get two vacations this year!” —Robert Boyce THE FUN SHOP NEWS WEEKLY Foreign Roumania’s king is five years old, Yet here's a fact both safe and sound: He's not the only child of five That bosses all his folks around! Reverse English! In some cases, sporting gentlemen lare going to Canada this Fall to hunt deer In other cases, just turn the “d” around! Connubial “Bud” Stillman’s bride play bridge Or talk in French—but look: She'll learn that quicker than rich Man's daughter learns to cook! may not A Question of Diplomacy Since returning to this country, Ambassador Herrick has had three operations. Wonder how an ambassador tells a physician, “Doc, T've got a pain | in my stomach.” Domestic ancient grudge Jews Hank Ford retracts. Alack, He's issued lots of antique things He never will take back!! against the We'll Say So! Rupert: has a lot of money in an old sock.” Powers: “That's s0? A miser, ch?" Rupert: ney!™” ‘No, that's Gene Tun- —Julius Tannen HAIR! HAIR! (Overheard by Rose B. Erbe) Andy Amers, silver-tongued fer- tilizer salesman and notary public of Shoreville, passed his hand over his bald head. “When you lose vour halr, he said, “it's gone, and it's a hopeless job to try to grow it again. “Maybe you remember back in 1903 we had a warm March and a hot April and then we had a bliz- zard in May. Well, Ezekial Grigg's cow Hesper had done her shedding before that blizzard came, and she almost froze to death. “It got her all mixed up. She thought it was winter, and started growing her hair again. Naturally, when it turned warm again, she was in a tevrible fix. “Her hair grew thicker and thick- er. and longer and longer, and when the hot days of July came it was a pitiful thing to see her stand- ing in the shade of the ice-house, sweating like a butcher. “Twice Zeke had to draw up his team real quick to keep her from throwing herself under the mowing machine. “So Zeke, in desperation, called old Doc Hustlebustle, the veterinary. Doc looked over the cow and said: ‘Put some hair tonic on her.” “‘You're crazy,’ says Zeke. “‘Do like T tell you,” says Doc, and Zeke finally did it. In two days she was as pink and naked as a new-born field-mouse and was kick- ing up her heels with the yearlings. That hair tonic saved her life. “But it won't grow hair. Pass the cider!" Do you ever whistle are working?’ Boy: “Only sky, sir. Come and Get Jt! (Expert Service—Everything Served Red Hot!) Dear Editor: Bob Lamont, my chum, had a girl out to dinner, and something happened to embarrass him, and he won’t tell me what it was! Make a guess in a limerick, kind sir? Ted Ripley Dear Ted: It may have been any one of a dozen things, but maybe this will suffice— this hasis the city's population fs "Chicago, cldy .... 08 32,415, quite a gratifylng increase, A handsome young sheik named La- mont “That fellow over there } —THE OBSERVER— Makes Random Observations On the City and Its People We listened to a walled plaint the other day with pity in our hearts and sympathy in our eye. A B. Y. T. (Sweet Young Thing) was mad about everything. She didn't like this fair city of ours. She thought the police force was inefficient. Men were horrid. Those who adorned the monument on Central park were—well—she was very explicit in telling what she thought of them. Her complaint was justified. The poor child had suffered in silence ‘until finally her restraint had snap- ned, her will power had given away with a crash and she had gone ber- serk about the whole proposition. “I don't care if the city wants to let those people hang around the monument,” she tearfully stated. “That's up to them. Personally I think it's a shame to have that nice monument spoiled by all those men in front of it. But I don't mind that so much. It's when it gets so that a girl can’t walk along the street in broad daylight without having some of those worked-three- years-ago John Gilberts say some- thing—that's when I get sore. “We girls have gotta stand for enough anyway, without the city providing & parking space for those shiftless yaps. (She was getting madder every minute). It's not so bad when a decently dressed boy with at least a collar on says ‘Hello.” One can snub him or smile or can just ignore him altogether. But when somebody who looks as though he had last shaved three days before Grant entered Vicks- burg and bathed eight days before that says some low-down thing in a loud voice to you, it makes it tough.” It must be tough, we agree. The modern girl isn't any shrinking vio- let by a long shot. Maybe she likes her pack of fags a day and maybe she knows just how much lemon juice should go into a gin cooler but she's entitled to a lot of respect. Every central street corner is adorned with these specimens of— er— manhood who, like Solomon’s lilies, toil not, neither do they spin, but stand aroun# in shirt sleeves and say things to Sally and Anne as they pass by. Meanwhile, the white-capped | guardians of the law frown on little boys roller skating on the sidewalk | and draw chalk pictures on automo- | bile tires. Situated as it is, virtually isolated from other and perhaps more efficient citles, it is possible that the local police haven't heard of that simple and yet effective lit- tle speech that prevents such oc- currences in other cities. Only two words, easy to learn and to remem- ber— “Keep Moving.” This week we are going to round out our series of instructions on camping with a resume of things ~which we are sure you will find | helpful to you. In case you cannot use the suggestions we are offering, kindly rewrap securely the ship back to Box 4-A, Winisipee (Mich.) P. O.| Return postage will be guaranteed | if you want to go into that. We promised last week that we | would give you the fine points of | canoeing this week and here we are | in our best bib and tucker, ready to fulfill our promise. In choosing the canoe, it is al- ways worth while to look it over thoroughly before purchasing. A sponson canoe will not tip over, or at least the advertisements say they won't. We have seen some sponson canoes which forgot about the non- tipping phrase of the advertisement but they were probably half-breeds and had a little straightside blood in them. At least it can be said that a straightside distinetly WILL tip over if given half a chance so, to get all the thrill possible out of canoe- ing, one should choose a straight- side, ‘The correct manner the canoe has considerable to do with the success of the venture. The canoe should be brought up along- side the dock and one foot, prefer- able the left should be lowered into the boat. The canoe will then begin to leave the dock and as the boat gets farther and farther from the dock, the canoeist will be observed doing a “split” as the feat is called in stage dancing. After emulating the Colossus of Rhodes, the canoelst will fall backwards into the -water with a pleasing splash. | In making a long trip in a canoe it is best to decide against the ven- ture and go by train. Small ar cles such as ice boxes, planos and motoreycles may be stowed in the bow, directly under the third class cabins. The larger articles which will be carried on the trip should be included in the rear hold and en- iclosed in the bill of lading under | Section 4448-B. | In shooting rapids, the canoeist jshould always remember to keep the | cance above water. A large stone in {the path of the craft may be re- pmoved by a two pound charge of or- | dinary black powder, fired by an lvlcc!rlcnl contrivance which is on in entering sale at most hook stores. Falls over 300 feet in height should be shot by means of a rope ladder. Now that we have explained fine points of camping to you, to the we We are leaving the rest you. Dined his girl at a swell restaurant, The waiter to quicken He said, “serve the chicken,” And the waiter said, “What she want?" Suggested Song Hit: fy girl is a telephone operator lno wonder she doesn’t ring true!” Desperate Voice on 'Phone (three a. m. “Hello, is this you, Doc? Well, this is Browne, Yes, my baby's been crying now for four solid hours. n you suggest anything?” Dr. Meanwell: “Four hours, ch? Is there a pin sticking him?" Voice on 'Phone: *“No, isn’t. Thanks, Doc. I'll try it!" —Eugenie F. Bankard (Copyright, 1927, Reproduction Forbidden) there does | | what the * com- |hope you will realize the immense good which can come of a vacation spent in the deep woods such as are found between this city and Plain- ville. Remember it takes time to maje an experienced camper—it is not a stunt which can be learned at a minute's notice. The hard bumps of the game are half the battle, and a merry and happy heart conquers all obstacles. Also rolling stones gather no moss; birds of a feather flock together and g barking dog never bites, in the order named. Goodbye—good luck—and there is absolutely no use in trying to find us when you return from your trip —we are leaving for Bolivia on the next steamer. And we aren't going to camp along the way, either. Intercepted letter from dry clean- ing establishment employe to boss who is enjoying vacation. ¢ “Dear Boss: “I am glad to tell you that every- thing is going along fine at the plant. Yesterday we all died. Joe and Pete died in the morning and surely did a lot of plain and fancy dying before lunch time. After lunch time I made Eddie die while I took care of the shop. Eddie is kind of young to die but he did the job pretty well and cleaned up everything before 5 o'clock. I my- self died when I was only 15 years old but it takes a good man to die S0 young. Now that everybody has died I am sure the plant will run along fine now. We have got a lot of dy- ing to do tomorrow so will close this letter and get to bed. MANUEL. P. S.—Your six year old son was in the plant yesterday so I let him die too, along with the others. He done fine,” Some of the very best humor is circulated among comparatively few people, and some of the wit it re- marks are the banterings of semi- private conversation. Witnes Constable Frank Clynes stood on Main street one night recently as A. Swanson, one of the city's force of garbage collectors passed by. “How's ®usiness,” inquired the wearer of the gold shield. *Pick- ing up,” replied Swanson. George A. Quigley, former mayor en route to Boston to welcome home New Britain soldiers of the YD was accosted on the train by a soldier who had returned ahead of the rest. “Where's Mayor Quigley?” inquired the soldier. Quigley in a joking mood pointed out a certain brick manufacturer of his acquaintance who was seaed farther down the train. “I understand he's ‘pretty soft,’ " confided the serviceman, “watch me get him for a ‘five- spot.* " Then followed the business of aproach and handshaking, a somewhat perplexed look on the part of the brick man and next a turnabout in which the soldier was directed to Quigley. Returning some- what sheepishly, the khaki-clad one sai “That's a good one on me, mayor. But don’t you think its worth two bucks, anyway?" At Central fire station on Com- mercial street, a house-to-house salesman for metal and silver polish sauntered in recently and asked for an opportunity to demonstrate his wares. He got it. The metal drum on one headlight responded fairly well to the buffing it received, but shadows or something else prevent- ed it from receiving a real good in- spection. At least that's what one of the smoke-caters decided. The sec- ond drum was somewhat better, but perhaps that was the result of the sun striking it as it did. The bell showed up fairly well—but perhaps the brass fittings would prove the polish not so good. Some of the brass was tried, in fact much of it was tried and the apparatus looked much better. Finally the salesman began to sense the fact that he was being “worked” for a thorough ov- erhauling of the metal work and departed angrily beofre the firemen asked him to try the polish on re- moving mud from underneath the fenders. Councilman Samuel Sablotsky criticized the board of public wérks last month for not having sufficient rubbish cans on Main street. A few days later one was placed directly acknowledgments and “by-lines” has to be waded through. “Lyrics by So- and-80.” “Book. by What's-His- Name.” “Dances plarned by Whoos- is” and so on, ad infinitum. Now you have the idea. If you haven't you're in the same boat ay we are and we can both start study« ing the First Reader together. Suppose a newspaper conducted itself like those programs, scattering acknowledgments helter skelter like that. Any New Britain story might read like this: \ PERSONAL ITEM News source—Mra. A. B. McGlib. Reporter in charge—Frank Mer« I riwell. Written by—Frank Merriwell. Typewriter used—Overhead. Copy read by Jobn J. Johnson. Type set by Alphonse Daudet. Proof made by Abe Ostwick (1% years old). Proof reader—Miss Jenks. Type by Angelus Metal Co. Makeup man—Joe Glutz. Mats made by Harry Ostochiang Press by United Press Co. Press started by J. F. Onandoga. Circulation manager—F. F. Eff. Papers delivered to customers by, John, George, Oscar, Joe, Henry, Everett and Albert. John Doe is spending this week in Canada. Then would follow a list of meffi« bers of the Herald staff, from the managing editor right down shrovgh to the young fellow who marks the baseball scores on the blackboard in the window every night. It's all so silly! Again this week we pause in our tours, for we feel that the touring public at present is most interested in what sort of car Henry Ford ia going to put out in the near future, We have some confidential {infors mation in this regard. We got it from the second cousin of a lady who kncw a man who once was run over by one of Mr. Ford's cars. Not only that, but the information was corroborated by another person who had seen in a movie reel, a pictura of the stepson of a boy whose dog had come from Detroit. So you can see we know what we are talking about. Well, in the first place, there will be four wheels, round in shape. One will be located at each cornes of the automobile, two in front and two in the rear. Each pair will be connected by an axle. Above the axles will be a body, roughly rec« tangular if viewed from above. Im the very front of this there will be a device which will be known as & radiator, into which water is to ba poured. Behind the radiator will be what we may term an engine. Fea« tures of this will include cylinders, spark plugs, a crankshaft, and seve eral other parts with names tod technical to mean anything to the average reader. There will also ba an oil case, which will act as an en« closure for oil. This engine will be covered by a hood. Back of the engine will be the place where the occupants sit. In some models there will be one seat and in others there will be two, while they will be enclosed with metal and glass in certain types and open to the elements in others. To distinguish these varlous designs the experts have hit upon such names as ‘“sedan,” ‘“coupe,” and “touring car,” terms which will no doubt soon become common par< lance. A sort of fifth wheel will ba placed in front of the left side of the front seat, and by turning this the operator will be enabled to di« rect the two forward wheels of the craft. Within reach there will also be clever devices for controlling the speed of the car, turning on and off the lights which will be located in the bow, and stopping the ma« chine if another gets in the way, This last mechanism will be chris« tened the brake, In addition to the lights in front there will be one at the stern, which will show red. Long curving pleces of metal will rest above the four wheels and prevent mud from splashing on the car. The entire body will be covered with what may be referred to as finish, while around each of the quartet of wheels will be wrapped a sausage- like affair called a tire. Now you know just what the new Ford will be like. RICKARD MAY REALIZE PROMOTER'S FOND DREAM Tex May Be Able to Announce Total in front of Sablotsky's place of bus- iness with no verbal comment. Charity Commissioner ~Samuel Greenberg attended a circus some time ago and was interested in the pranks of a little Indian lad near one of the side-shows. Sam reached down in his pocket and extracted a dime which he handed the boy. One of Greenbel companions asked ig idea” was, and Sam replied: “Well we ought to give them something; We took the coun- try away from them for a few beads and some tobacco.” We've been looking over some of the recent theater programs pub- lished in New York city by the managements of gpme of the big successes down there. Of course, we mean musical comedies. While we enjoy the serious type of perform- ances, our friends, boasting of men- s not quite as highly develop- ed as ours, patronize the lighter shows where the balance is main- tained by heavier prices. But, at any rate, regardless of prices and other things, we've been looking over the programs. One thing that struck us was the reckless abandon with Which ac- knowledgments ~ are kcattered round. You know he stuff; “Iats ¢ Armour & Co.”, “Shoes by the United States Steel Corp.,” “Scenery by somehody else.” Those lists of acknowledgments are almost end- less in some cases. They take up more space than the casts of char- acters, musical numbers, jokes and What the Well Dressed Man Will Wear, to say nothing of Step Saving Household Hints. We doubt, in re- gard to the last item in the pre- ceding sentence, . that the people able to scrape together the price of admission to one of those shows would have the wherewithal to maintain a household to save steps in. But no matter. It isn't our look- out. And then, too, before the program proper is reached another batch of Receipts and Percentage Be- fore Bout. Chicago, Aug. 20 (M—The fond dream of every boxing promoter— to sell every ticket in advance sa that total receipts and boxers’ per« centages can be announced several hours before the contest—may be realized by Tex Rickard, entre« preneur of the Tunney-Dempsey championship matofl on Soldier Field Sept. 22. Although the public seat sale wiil not open until Monday, thousands of seats have already been soid and or< ders for more are literally pouring into Rickard’s office here. Yester~ day, a certified check for $36,000 for 900 ringside seats was received from a group of St. Louls fans. It was the largest single sale ever made by Rickard during his long connection with the boxing game. Jack Dempsey, who arrived only Thursday, s already twitching for the training grinds at Lincoln Fields race course here. He planned another round of golt today and then may take his first trip to the training camp. Elaborate plans are being formu- lated for the training quarters. e« tective Sergeant Fred Tapscott of Chicago, an old friend of Dempsey's, has been appointed chief of polics of the camp and will have the aid ot several others so as to see that Dempsey is given privacy when nceded. A call has already been is- sued for sparring parfners to be ready when Dempsey gets down to work Monday. NEW SWIM RECORD Lake George, N. Y., Aug. 20 (A— Mrs. Lottie Moore Schoemmel, mara- thon swimmer, yesterday established a new record, this time as a non- stop rower starting from Baldwin al the foot of the lake this morning. She rowed the 32 miles to this vil. lage in less than eight hours.