New Britain Herald Newspaper, September 4, 1926, Page 6

NEW BRITAIN DAILY HERALD, citles are further apart than in the east. A run of 80 miles between terminals is common. One of these lines runs between Detroit and Toledo, ably competing with three railroad lines between the two citles and not making much slower time. In the old days, about 15 years ago, interurban wrecks were quite common throughout the middle | must have been wrong, as what-|west. Scarcely a week passed with- | ever else might be sald, the victory | out Important collisions at points of the gold standard and sound |sprawling over the map. The inter- money did not lead to the terrible | urban lines, endeavoring to make tions tMat were advertised by as fast time between citlés as the late Commoner. And long be-|steam cars, frequently ran into one Bryan dled, the free silver | had expired before him. was because a fool took the silver doctrine too seriously. who thought McKinley's elec- | are finally compicted and |dates, but at no time since then has a greater percentage of the is the |teeming population deemed it es- lly | sential to votesDuring the McKin- | ley-Bryan campaign politics was a | religion; both s were sincere in the belief that the victory of thefr candidate meant the country would and the victory of the {other would spell certain and ab- disaster. The Bryan side d‘ planned in use, New Britain Heral HERALD PUBLISHING COMPANY the tity will have caught up in its requirements; and it general opinion of citizens gener (Sunday Excepted) A 67 Church Btreet Tesued Dally . At Herald Bldg. time must never again wed to occur when school nee: SUBSCRIPTIOX RATES $8.00 & Year. $2.00 Three Montha. 75c. a Month. trip th alitics, ag was 4 be saved, CHANGING NAMES OF STREE the Entered at the Post Office at New Britaln | Second Class Mail Matter. TELEPHONE CALLS Business Office Editorial Rooms . olute Changing name of a stree is an easy matter if everyone con- cerned The latest suggestion of the New Britain, having to do w changing of Arch street to .\l:nn,%'.l\e |ana that part of Main street be- | fore vond South church to Park | idea fitlea ™t “the ure for re-publication of | STE°! i8;enough-(ocanze v mlv "?1‘ 23 \ted to it or not otherwise | perk up eyebrow and ask | free this paper and also local | ps 3 a9 news published therein, i whe T advisabl | The streeters, Sember Audit Burean of Circulation. |bLounding along ofi a wave of ‘the A. B. C. Is a national organization | _ . - . e Bt L which furnishes newspapers and adver- | eral improvement and seeing noth- tisers with a strictly honest analysls of || S Tiat futive 5 i o T caation’ sdtistice| 18 DUt & Dig %re based upon this sudit. This insures | supposed to be the | protection sgalnr: fraud in newepaper o e of it fhe | Aistribution figues to both national and | local advertisers. { something | change were made every merchant | ment of the times, of a day when | on Arch strest would feel himself [the unsophisticated population | have been identified with automo- | more fmportant in the city's whirl | drank thelr politics raw, undiluted | biles, with and there a | of commerce. He would be on a|with the saving graces of common | ) | matn street and it would go by | The interurban lines scem to have not under another {improved their technic to is satisfied have it done. | sort in | The only profitable adverusing medium the | conc in the City. Clrculation books and prem room aiways open to edvertisers. —this con- sidering the lines are mostly one- track affairs. There was the being easily possible Member of the Associated Press, ‘The Assoclatel Press is exclusively en- an is one | | tion meant the supremacy of vest- ed interests and the slavery of the Arch ot course, head-on collision in the papers for vears before the smash-up between common people, that the good and | Detroit and Toledo was of the verities | trom Canton, O., was assassinated. | The assassin’s cracked brain was a reflection: of the political heralded the other day. So unusual vas the the received na- ahead, noble examplar eager for report of a serious crash on it change. | electric lines that importance; exclte- | tionwide publicity. For a long time the chiet w; o dally In New B wrecks Newsstand, Times nds, Entrance Tne Herald !s on York at Hotaling’s Square; Bchultz's New Grand Central, 42nd Street. —_—_— CITY'S SCHOOL ARMY 1S MOBILIZED On Tuesday morning there will be & splash of excitement in in- numerable New Britain house- holds. The children will be rustled out -of bed half an hour earlier than usual; there will be much ado about “getting ready.” Mothers will be making a spartan attempt to wash and dress their energetic off- spring and watch the victuals on the kitchen stove at the same time. “Hirry” will be a frequent Word. |y Coo 5o In due course, breakfasts tucked | o "oy o B ow would away and the kids dolled up in |, oo o s thelr best week-day bib and tucker, [ o\~ o5 RGBT et family caravans will wend thelr |} F E e psvehology? way to numerous buildings provided ‘ by the city authorities. There ex- pectant teachers will be walting; | o T L elen the names and addresses Of DeW | oo toddiers will be inscribed In the big | o T et — that 18 B Dooks; much bediam and confuslon |y g4y tnat portion of Main street | take six months, the uncomputed may relgn until the'school MArM [y, 510y — need some sort of a|losses on both sides tofalling hun- gets a firm grip on the situaton. | ooicio clup, Ifke the Arch street! dreds of thousands. Etieriot Bat aqdaye—cr.arbARE | fellows. They In the Rhode Island state house Ak | ganizaflon in order to stand up for |a silent, determined man stroked | Maybe the boxing commission just Of superlative their rights, if they certain | his lantern jaws with tenuous fin- |yearns to see Wills get licked, of children’s ways will be the Kin- | {hey have any o s ! dergartens, where little five-year-| 7 1l S :lny.j G & bottIos old toddlers will get their Arch street the Main | the mill. faste of the regimien of school dis- |street boosters; or else in the near cipline. Here they will “learn t0|future, it may be ot | at such games as will have | Main o Park | an infiuence upoi their future de- | stresters, velopment. The little cherubs natur- | ally think it great fun—and such it | here sprinkling ot railroad | such an ‘ax‘fln! that they have been consid- | that nams, yielding no suggestion to ®he out- | sider that the merchant was not | important enough to be on the | city's chief thoroughfare. | A rose by any other name may not actually any but | there is no denying that under cer- | strike at the Manville-Jenckes com- circumstances the sound of | The issues were centered |around a few non RHODE ISLAND WAY HAS ADVANTAGES da ered safe For several the | prints have carried stories Rhode Island detailing tressing occurrences incident s public | A one-track right of :plnr‘l- for high-speed The wreck on the D ine was |due to the fact that one of the way s no from dis- oft be sweeter; to a | : cars is said to have been running | contrary to its schedule. pany. Those hings cannot be done where there tain the name would be more important inion | loom fix- | than the perfume. But. the merchants who already that ers, and in an incredibly short time | ad by all, | culminating in the national guard | [taking charge of the Immediate | mill. s only one track. a lively time was being are situated upon m of would lose its Factsand Fancies BY ROBERT QUILLEN environs of the It looked as it one of those long affalrs, | common in New Jersey or \\'ll!l~! it? drawn-out such as are | Good times are | mantic, would result. If both sides|™Ost Of the fires are accidental. there would be no re they going to allow themselves | |to be relegated to another street|were headstrong Lawyers skilled specialists who protect us from other lawyers, are i telling when the fuss over the sev- |« i who make both [eral loom fixers swould eventually So chewing {face hard. { petting. gum makes a girl's sometimes = , for that matter, does | be fixed. Yet the average man who hasn't any religion is glad his wife has. have. need the or- interest to lovers e fire as he | at | mur- mured mitted to | go on in the sovereign common- | wealth of Rhode Island. So he t phoned various personages and ar- gers; eyes were the Such things, Gay life, 1890 same, 19 milkshake, will have to be a ¢ report doings boosters vs. he could not be pe a case street vs. the a conference. Aram J. Fothier of the table. The loom speedily fixe Governor the = ranged NEW BUILDING LAWS ND FATHER TIME there sat at head is. The kindergartens have come to | in our the course will | fixing The had be an important first niche Stuation system of public education, a vast over the old when they were quite unknown. The public school children last year including those in the parochial | pertaining schools. The annual increase is esti- | {hroughout the city. imated at about 500 puplls, so that | fhe enrollment this year will be In | cver; the building In a minimum of time £ diff nection with the new building laws, The alien isn't really Am luntil he learns to glare at to ty in con- 1 dis: as governor improvement days S e expecte | the zoning regulations, and 2ll the | discover — that common sense had other little troubles that come with the new, kids, they than hurts longer the 1t biolo; all _concerned | Fomember - |algebra. agreed to patching up the situation | proved in the| Rhody must they do enroliment of not flown from tate. The | was 11,919, not | making changes which t rules ap- with structures in speed to an agreeable page he artment Headway is being made, industrial history of Little | Valentino chiefly because the ladies did. of —and no smaill victory for Gov- the vicinity of 12,500 pupils. Yet|the ecity, brought to a high state of of this large number fully 2,500 will| efijc Weld admin- Dbe on part time, due to three sec- |jistration, functioning carefully tions of the city being denled the due regardsto the rights benefit of new school the is mot ernor Pothier. - Your opinion of a man isn't worth much if you are getting a profit out of him. sncy under the Fully satisfied, everybody is now | is back on the job. It was a fine ex- | and with ot all ample of how to settle The mahogany table, disputes 3 Ahbhout all you ¢ ity is that most of conformists. immediate principle of buildings construction or | getting the short end of any pos those The &chools | sibilities and citizens are likewise affected are the Burritt Junior high | getting all they are the concerned; ¢ gotting around a | under looking the situa- membe being repaired. tion square in the | versing like to brother, eye, and con- Americanism: Trying hard to kid s, | yourself into the beliet tifit you like R P | classical literature. ATOR HIRAM JOHNSON'S | INFLUENC | Hi fornia made entitled to r man to man, brother school in the northern section, Valentine B. Chamberlin Smith schools in and the celve. The situation is one of opti- principles are has its advantag and | mism for the future ablished nd is one in which that the eastern sec- perhaps some been found discarded being A democratic ! people grovel before a ms sneers at them. tions, old Lincoln school | carlier e Senator m Johnson of Cali- during his cent spellbinding trips throughout | the wide expanses of to World Court as the chief State in the western section. wanting been Some time ago Superintendent — and on the whole much order it a point Holmes was quoted as saying the | being brought out of what former- ' ccommo- | 1y Wwas a chaotic conglomeration of his state in the need for additional school belief and counter-belief, stress the than 1in The ly delay resulting | entitled to credit for its efforts in dations was more necessary southern section the we city administration surely is | issue. issues were secondary. | Yet when the votes in the primary but due to a from condemnation proceedings the ern, behalt of modern and progressive | Were counted ator Shortridge, ar] | Men may not be practi A 45 110y wouldn't wear knee pants and providing new structures. That th Hi" d him, landed on top by |spepd their Hme trying to pull the ny longery & £ood Licutenant- |things down over their knees. har | Governor C. 0. Young, the John- = i CoXB SONEthe oD Men aren't very spiritua the_happiest land tfe most people ar new Lincoln school In the west end |ldeas in controlling the methods of Court candidate,” was constructed before the Vance G have been lax no one ) margin, while that reasonably street school In the southern sec- e d cares to deny; B % W end a ares t deny; can b after all, the one trying to tion. This will giv new school ahead of the south end, but Lir school or likely | son candidate for the governorship | { o for the governorship g nomination, 4 of Gov wher Richardson, fend W. when John- |reduce | s0on opp —_ ot l,“. | 1t all of the lady P soLesy placed end to end, the | wrong side Bt the road. made perfect now is beautiful the new oln | gemerally admitted. ran ah rnor MEINLEY SHOT 5 YEARS AGO ns who are tecle street is to drivers were d be on the the Vance st echool secms be, to be ideas other sc is a re J pointing fact one w ator on can he tined to contain som qa of dings. Among these nderg: ‘ his tune to was Those change by with life can t embodied in any o in middle isfaction the his | ! Political note, 1960. Jones lost the letection. He got write mp two weeks before the poll and couldn’t of Politi- ool b well remember the excite- ndidates s fall habits of looking at the bright side of things. [sign another che sun-por rten that prevailed throughout ssful. A cians naturally into the 5 years ago Monday, wrinkl ¥ Roo. new s vhen at Pan-American expos McKin- ssin ments. n | F BYRIE alo, President or Johnson is nominally a i % A German house is sclling good germs to fight bad germs, and it must be exciting to have a regular side you “ong publican; other of down in words, he is hard to beat for was shot by an z heauty a long quene of those Republicans” whom | the adm tration doesn’'t single of Re- rsons secking to shake the good the Presid The t of the|out as stalwart had ad folds of the supporters But R this sentence: “He swore 1t{off smoking last night said she, number of |“and didn’t light up after break- by | fast this morning.” ° | (Protected hy Publishers Observation On The Weather 4. - not Correct assin is | publican policies. when Bling. anlie been | comes to tofalling the ut within the Kepublicans — in Senate, rried a revolver primed | Some specious method of political his is alw legerdemain, he he Brookhart fo do deed of ys included. The evil i days of mourning which is as good a Republi- lowed by openirig up a 1s of lowa, who will be counted in the w vista in in politic tenuous {ho ady lor when elected on his self-con- 5 Forecast satur- come Ro ik w York: showers: ture rthe a cloudiness Washington, [for Eastern N Sunday TROLLEY SMASH-UP change in temp LIKE IN OLD DAYS Forecust for orn New England: west trolley lines running | gunday s alled Such lines usually con- the ed independent ticket. the ation in sidency nation t of took on 1 with the considared for about. ¥ a P vestment, not only sque hue, dapple m- A apy it outh- rday; prob- n and but for several generati tuosity ¢ rough rider, shorn of onye n th 1 schism of 1912, fmproved ed some its former increa: he sult in regarded finally leading cities are invariably ountl tieg can not change In temperature. (Conditions: The disturbance that Virginia Thursday night | ipated. High pressure pre- a8 as the [vails over practically all other re- the igions. The indications are for show- N Ters almost generally east of the ramparts ; can travel 60 miles an hour It the ingiegigeippl river on Sunday. The frée The [temperature will not change ma- has railroad | terially ans, than ‘worth the high-speed built bulldings are being co ever since the days of coaches lings a in never since the day U for of [has di like it; eliminate the overcro and | K has there been such a furi- this type one | SOrvic Eo part-time - conditions whieh have|ously fought campaign sixty greatly to elected presi- { cxpression has meaning they marred the school plant him to all gation which I8 dency W Brya The over the i the irritation of the duty and ob) of th y|of m . gilver | motorman is hohind schedule. to furpish school i being When bigger under construction and being suill | for the winning presidential candi 00] facilitics and this | battleme nation seen | roadbe confirm to the n sta "All this is necessary because the | lone ildings muct majorities rolled up lards FOR YOUR WANTS | another while going around curves | no report of such l‘ interurbans. | those in which sandwich and a e | The leadin; We've all had our little joke, and | now let's admit that men didn't like | n say for a major- | much | ably followed by showers; not much | ‘READ HERALD CUASSIFIED ADS SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 4, 1926. | Send all communications to Fun Shop Editor, care 0f the New | Britain Herald, and your letter will be forwarded to New York. | e i J Why Not a Fun-Dicate, Folks} | Syndicates may be 0. K., | But for ourselves, any day We'd boost a fundicate, mirth, Develop cheer throughout the earth! spread Suggestion for a New Course | In School | Mrs. Mason: “Why didn't you take | the number o the car that knock: |you down?” | Mason: “You know very well {T can’t read while I'm lying down! | e | FREAK PHILOSOPHY | By Harold B. Goodrich I love to go to side shows {And look at all the freaks, | The cow that has geat's whiskers, |The ducks with chicken b | The girl who weighs eight hundred, | The man who weighs two pounds, The tattooed Queen of Sheba, {New Zealand's humpbacksd hounds. { My wife thinks T am crazy 0 gape at things like these, chance to see them il to seize; 1en I feel discouraged, it is a sin >r me to feel unhappy— Think what I might have ber But had It been my fortune |To be some sort of freak And I could do the choosing For one thing I would speak rd "Make me a pigmy; n get, hen it is hot weather on't be much to sweat!” My, Yes! Mildred: “We had the most deli ious olives on our pien * Walter: “Stuffed?” Mildred: “Yes, I ate two jars.” —Regina Stout. Item from Bogtown Enterprise Postmaster Newt Saunders says he |never knew news to be scarce as {it has been the past week. He missed the north bountd mail on No. 6 Wednesday, as he was busy reading the post cards and didn't |notice what time it . This was the only item he could think of. Hellup! Little Margaret heard her brother scream and ran to investigate. Come quick!” she gasped, be- |seeching her other. “Willie just |caught a butterfly and it's a bee. | Sarah Firctag. wa He Couldn’t The preacher had begn Invited to linner and as it was ummer, the usual fare pre: d. Among the vegetables cooked were rly June peas ,steamed in butter and served & serole. rd of t !was also invited and present, ;a8 he was the husband of the hostess. The preacher, as usual, ate heartily of the food and esptcially of the peas. H enoticed that the steward did not | eat any peas. “My brother," ‘let me help you to the pe “Not any,” sald the ste | “They are finc {very healthful | preacher. | know them.” Surely they do not o * countered the preacher, ald the preacher, fooc returned the 1 that, but I -cannot eat rou any inquir- ope,” said the steward, |what peeved, “I just can't ea Dbecause they won't stay on m long enough.” —Rev. William H. Hantzman. , some- t them knife R The Vanishing Race! st Stage Hand: “What's the Lady Maglelan so excited about Second Stage Hand: *“She find her vanishing cream! G P. O'Keefe, can't IN KLASS AT KRAZY (Conducted by Judy) Teacher: “I think, Miss Ringing, that you will have to secure a wider field for your petting operations than this school affords.” Isabel Ringing: field for thesc Kids. |to teach 'em mannc Teache: "G an operations, using the and ‘pasture.’ Isabel Ringin The awkward lad make In trying to propos And when he tries to secure lips He can't get pasture nose.” homas ¢ KOLLEGE don’t I'm just need a trying ccount of your words ‘secure’ s many slips ich, KRAZY KINDERGARTEN (Conducted by Judy, Jr.) Teetcher: “Tabb, {ways scratching vourself? | Tab Asco: “Itch a habit.” Teetcher: hit on one ‘cylinder,'" Tab Asco: extra fine | e church | why are you all- “Let's see wat you can —THE 0B This is the United States of Blah, if one is to judge by what transpired death at funeral parlors in New York city. the other publicity hounds hurried on fast trains to getathe benefit of free space in newspapers while the “killing” was good. When they step- ped out of their Pullmans they were photographed and interviewed. They likewise posed ‘or the photographer while they stood i1 front of the bier land opened the spigots controiling |their tanks of stage tears. They sob- Ibed and sighed, gave vent to arti- |ficially inspired lamentations in pub- and wrung their hands while the in- lustrious newspaper Dphotographers |and motion picture | their cameras until they were red in face. | America has not been treated to {such an overwhelming spectacle of |frand in its history. Everyone who |could possibly ¢lbow his or her wa |onto the front page by commercializ | ing the death of a_screen star was on he job from daylight till dark. It as difficult to determine whether reater publicity was givén to the |decease of Valentino or the mock anguish of tli0se who knew him. It was a disgusting and degrading three ring circus from beginning to end. the Pritain individuals might well | profit by the action of the United |States in making the Treservations {now being discussed by the members of the world court. If this country {can stipulate under what reserva- tions 1t will participate in the court. why cannot citizens of this ci under what reservations the { participate in the municipality? he conditions defin- d by Americg, a clever fellow mov- ling to New Britain might inform the clerk that he would participate in the government of the city pro- iding that he must not become a {member of the party in power, that {he might vote for the city officials, |that he might judge how much he ! was to be taxed, that he might mov when: ever he pleased. and that : must not take tion af- New will | ‘Parallelling away the ci ing him unless it had his con-, sent. Property owners might tell the city they would agree to the zoning ordinance if given the right to ex- cept themselves from its provisions henever they saw fit. As long as v wanted to build one-family | houses in one-family districts they | woula respect the ordinance, but if Ithey wanted to erect a stecl mill in 2 residential sectio they would {point to their reservation and not |respect the code. Tootleggers would perhaps stipu- late that the prohibition law should |not affect theni or at least that they |should be able to dictate to the {jndge how much they were to be i fined cotriclans, buiiders, and plumb- It say that they would abide the codes respecting how their vork should be done, provided they could use their own judgment about lsuch matters as connecting the wat- r and sewer pipes and building houses upside down. | Motorists conld then agree that the | rules of the road must be enforced hut that they should have the right i v when these regulations to ap- themselves, reserving the lers m ib: | to say Iply to | tho traffic office them for iuterference. A storckeeper looking for Insur- lanca could tell the fire department 1t it was his fire in his store and 1 to let them mix in municipal entangle- he reft Ihis affairs; no ments for him In yone applied for such rvations, no doubt the city of- 1s would get together just as the world conrt members did and duly dclinerate on whether or not they !ehould admit such a person to citi- | zenghip in this municipality. They |would agree to the majority of reser- |vations and fight over the others, | finally agreeing to them or advising |the person to stay out. On second thought, however, don’t think they would do this. They would merely tell him to go off and five on a desert island, send him to | an insane asylum, or issue orders to | shoot him on sight. ir & lon railroad trains, especially thos !that struggle to get over the rails of the New York, New Haven and Hartford line, will ald many a har- |rassed traveller to escape the em- barrassment that goes with a diffi- cult situation or a mistake in eti- quette while being coated with the patticular brand of oot that flows |likp water through *’ » windows of the coaches that once took the army of Virginia into Vicksburg. You swing up into the car and look for a seat. After a bumping journey down the Aisle, with its many bunkers of suitcases and bundles you finally locate beside a woman holding a nice sticky moist baby. You endeavor to get your bag on the rack provided for bags, and after four attempts decide it would be handier on the floor. Tt is report- ed that one person actually did manage to get his suitcase up to the rack, but he had outside aid in tha iwo men supported him by kneeling a given signal—=probably “Allay led to the kneeling persons’ shoul |the man on top of the human py mid tossed the bag in the direction of the rack. The fifth try lodged the bag in the rack and there it may be seen to this day, as the system did not work the other way and all ef- forts to retrieve the article failed. When you get settled and fairly nfortable and Thave newspaper, you find that the haby has taken a liking to you and is reaching out its dear little hands In “I looked for my chewing gum everywares, In the kitchin, the room, So gess wat I cawt wen ma found it parked On the jvindow eylinder red room!” (Copyright, 1926. Reproduction Forbidden), h and the bed- it | while Rudolph Valentino lay cold in | From one end of the country to | men pumped | and when to run we ! Observance of a rule of etiquette | and affording a foot stool. Then at | Yoop"—the man with the bag vault- ders, the kneelers stood upright and | unfurled | SERVER— Makes Random Observations On 'the City and Its People jthe direction of your best brown suit. Three cars ahead you find a mediate vicinity. You'sit and unfurl {once more. You are just pulling into the next station and a rushing horde scram- |bles into the car. Cries of “Here's ‘Ol’r‘ momma?” “Jimmy, take Alice over to that seat near the door!” and the shouted exclamations of |the general effcct that “Yop Hal- lonees com siminscara!” piercé the smoky air of the car, and the mob pours down the aisle, pausing how- cver, to swing their bags with a |smart upward movement t brings |a corner into the middle of your |eight dollar fall hat. The train polts forwa stout woman with two telescope bags falls heavily into your lap and the jour- ney continues. You try to read but he printed page jumps with the ¥ quiver of the train and at the {next station you find that the head- | {ing you been been endeavoring to |digest was only “Another Swimmer {Conquers Channel.” The train roars on and the con- ictor continues his argument with 1e snappish laly three seats ahead ding that “honest and _true lady, s traink doesn't go to Providence, lame it goes to New York ¥ of New Haven I don't care they sald at the information desk this is the New York train and you'll have to change at New Haven, ves ma'am, New York. No madam, this train does not go straight to Porvidence. You'll have to take the Providence train at New Haten. No ma'am” .. .. and so on to a little this side of Stamford. | If excitement be nesded a trip to the water cooler furnishes a pleas- ant combination of steeple chasing, low hurdles, ice skating, fogtball and surf bathing, You arise, waver dan-| gerously with the roll of the train, |and start your [ urney to the farther end of the car. Odds quoted among [the forcmost gamblers as to the chances of making the trip and re- turn unbowed and still dignified are 7 to 1. These odds have been in- creased since the invention of the air brake and its quick stops. You stumble up the alsle, emu- alting a tight rope walker in an ef- fort to stay hetween seats vou journey towards the precious {little red tank with its shining brass | fittings and cup holder that will be sure to be empty when you arrive. Tfive seats down you fall into the cditorial scetion of the Philadelphia Ledger held by an old gentleman with a nasty temper. Three seats away from the tank you step on <o 1y’s foot and as you are ap- ologizing you are thrown against the tank itselt by a sudden lurch of the train. You cling to it gratefully and heave a sigh of relief when you see the paper cup holders brimming with cups. On this trip the directors of such matters have elected to give |their patrons plenty of cups. have also elscted to omit filling the water cooler thus scoring four points | for the railroad company in the old | 14 game of “railroad vs. passenger.”’ The news butcher is also an inter- esting feature of the trip. Always ar- riving at your scat just as the train is pulling out of the station where- in he dwells, he listens respectfully to your request for a pack of cigar- ettes, hurriedly throws in your lap two chocolate bars#a copy of a mag- wzine, one eye de and a cheese andwich, takii . in the mean time, your dollar bill with his free hand, and deaf to your feeble protests, dis- appears after a low bow. No one can be found who has ever encountered la train Foy at any time other than when the train is starting out of the station and it is whispered that the lengineer splits commissions with I him and makes several falge starts |that give the bandits opportunity to {appear in a hurry. , we were going to give the quette that covers all of e problems. Well ,here it is, com- search of the the —alw use an automobllp. A recent report that the State Tish and Game board had sent an allot- ment of 1200 trout to the local Fish |and Game association to be planted in streams about the city and nelghr \boring towns makes one wonder what would happen if all the 1800 members of the assoclation decided [to go fishing at the same time. Pro- viding each member caught the | same amount of trout there would be |approximately .66 fish per person. | Figure it out for yourself and see | just how much fun there would be In vatching less than three quarters of a fish. Perhaps tha gllls, eyelashes, |'spc Xles or other important items in |the make-up of a trout would be missing. Of course it is the most improbab- |1¥ 1dea that all would go fishing at {the same time but just supposing |they did. There would most likely ave to be another miracle of the loaves and fishes (minus thé loaves) I'in order to have enoush to g0 | around. | The Observer, in a moment of rocklossness, purchased a tabl®id newspaper, birthplace New York on the Hudson, some time ago and he was at once struck by the fact that |the tabloids have platforms. Each |and every one, upon cxamination, | has something or somethings which it enshrines in a beautiful black- |borgpred “bo d continues to re- fer to from time to time, when peo- | ple wonder what their purpose, or | purposes, is, or are. | " The Observer sees no reason why |he shouldn’t have a platform also and for that reason several needs in | this city are Itere set down, needs for | which the Observer will strive ccase- |lessly and for which he will lay down his life if necesdary. He will refer to |them at all times and if nothing is |done about them he'll he mighty langry. | They are: 1-—The blishment of ~ traffics lights in the center of the city, which will not flash red just as the Observ- er is about to cross the street. The present lights seem ot have an un- canny knowledge of the fact when cat that lhas no children in the im- | tall | dark forelgn looking gentleman to'f i ports, |said individual endeavors to betake himself across the thoroughfare, a state of affairs decidedly fatal to good nature. 2—Some system whereby the Ob- server may be able to catch that bus which always disappears around the corner just as he appears at the jit- ney station. 3—Sorte aystem whereby the Ob- server may-succeed in having in his pockat a bit of currency smaller than a $10 bill when a fair solcitor stops him on the street and asks him to please buy a tag and help the home for_decapitated Tomcats."” {—A law to prevent restaurants from running out of tha Observer's sclaction of food just before he en- ters the place. At the present time, no matter what dish he may choosa from the menu, it is sure to he “all out, sir,” thus rul.ing another per- fectly good lunch hour. —Some means whereby radio re. ception will be forced to be at least passably fair on those few nights each month when the Observer is obsessed -+t the desire to listen in. He n't struck a decent oné yet, although the evening preceding and that following may bg well nigh per- fect. 6—A row of seats along {he side- walk in front of the Center church !so that the Observer. won't have to stand up all day. A law which will prevent auto- mobiles from making v turns, {either left or right, in the city. This will dispense with the traffic menace in New Britain, since all motorists will be forced to keep their cars in the garages in order to obey the law. The platforni will be enlarged from time to time as needs occur to the Observer who is anxious to help everyone in the city, ,and, most of all, himself. 25 Years Ago Today report that has knocked the hottest August. ion Co. The local liverymen the September heat out more horses than Is during July and The Ierlin Const that it has many orders on hand and that it has not been af- cted by the great steel strike. A boy tacked by a savass dog on Jubilee street vesterday and was horribly mangled before being rescued by Motorman Mortimer 1. ch and Conductor Edward L i hieblin of a passing trolley car. was carried to the car, an orman P. Cooley, one of the had him taken to Dr, re= was 1 nville! Grange is taking steps to orggnize a drill team. Gordon Morse will leave Monday for a ten days' stay at the Pan- American exposition, making a pres liminary visit in Brooklyn. George Rapelye adyertises pre- serve kettles, fruit jars, heer bottles, and rubbers, also bicycles at cost. In the semi-finals at Maple Hill yesterday, F. H. Allis won from W. P. Felt, 3 up, and E. W. Abbe won from J. . North. T up. The State Normal school is crowded this term and Principal Marcus White is in a quandary as to what disposal to make of his pupils. There are now 150 listed on the roster. City Clerk Thompson, City Fns gineer Oldershaw, and Street Com- missioner Frisbie accompanied tha stre committee on a tour yester« . all being present except Alder- men Curtis and Stockwell. They visited Church street, where the walk is to be filled in and con- ditions at the corner of Fairview street improved. Residents want Putnam street extended to Willow, and this was looked at. They visited Clark street, where sidewalks are asked, and Broad street, wi» ® one is wanted in front of the Boc 4 property. A resident of New Britain whila visiting in Farmington was recently shown an old town record book which brought to light the fact that pupils in the schools there about 1825 were required to furnish ahout half a cord of wood apiece for the heating of. the school rooms. The wages of one teacher, for five months, amounted to $65. N BATTING LIST Leading Leagne But Must Bow 0 Thm (Others in Hitting New York, Sept. 4 (A—Tosonto, running ayay with the pennant in the final stages of the International League race, must how to three oth- er clubs in the league in batting strength. Buffalo, in second place i~ the standing; Rochester, fifth, an Ngwark, third, all precede the Cancj dfans in hitting powed. Buffalo clubbers lead with a mar of .380, in averages compiled up tc Thursday, a gain of two points in the past wrek. Rochester, tler with Newark last week, bumped their hitting four points to .203, giving them a five point lee over News ark. Toronto hit for .293. * Jimmy Walsh, of Buffalo, con- tinues to set the pace in individual batting with a mark of .392, a boost of six points that carried him away from his foremost rival, Lew Fon- scca, of Newark., Ronseca, batting for .363, crossed the double century mark in base hits during the week with 205 and has tied the toubles mark of Burns, of the. same club, with 39. Lew shares the honor of hitting the most triples with Frank Kane, of Rochester, who has driven out 13. The versatils sccond sack- er also stole the most bascs, 36. Bill Kelley, home run Ling of the cireuit, is hammering long drives for Buffalo.as fast as Babe Ruth makes them for the Yankecs. Both hit their hough the averages but 40 up to Scheer, Baltimora the best of the Thursday. Heine speed king, outranl ieague with of Toronto’'s victories week and added to his mark as leader of the league hurlers. I'islier has won 14 and lost 3 for an average of~ .824. Hanklins, of Newark, pressed into the runner up position with 15 wins and flve losses for a mark of .750, Other leaders are Ferguson, Buffalo, 11 and 4; Proffitt, Buffalo, 13 and §: Thormahlen, Rochester, 18 and 7 READ HERALD CLASSIFIED AD| FOR YOUR WANTS { { /