New Britain Herald Newspaper, April 26, 1924, Page 6

New Britain Herald, coMpPANT® Lixcepted) hureh Btreet, HERALD P Issued Daily At Herald SUBSCRIPTION $5.00 a Year, $2.00 Thiee Months, 2 Toc. & Month. RATLS: Entered at the Post Office ew Biitain as Second Class Mai TELE Business Of 5 Lditorial Rooms The oniy profitable advertising e City. Circulation hook: room always open to advertisers, Member of The Associuted I ‘The Associated Press is exclusively to the use for re eredited to it or in this paper and lished herein, titled news redit Member Audit Bureau of Cir The A, B. 1s & national org: which furnishes nowspapers and adver- t # with a strictly houest analysis of eirculation. Our clrculation statistics are based upon this audit, This insures pro- tection against fraud in uewspaper dis- tribution figures to both national aud local advertisers. New Times Entrauce Herald 1s Hotaliy, The York at News Square; Schultz News Stand. Grand Central, 42nd Street. Los Angeles, Cal.; Arcade Station, on THE SCHOOL COMMITTEE The school committee in this city 1s entering upon a critical period in its history. Under the chairmanship of Judge Gaffney it bua gained a po- sition which, years ago, seemed im- possible of attainment. It has begun to have the confidence of the pcople and a continuation of its course, s0° well begun and leading in the direc- tion of greater economy without slighting the needs of the children of the city, will make its position still stronger. Frequently it has been said in these columns that the attitude of the people toward ‘chool matters Is changing and there is a greater ap- precistion' of the value of education and the need of better school facilities than formerly, A large sum has been provided for school purposes, and an extensive building program laid out. The school accommodations committee under the leadership of Patrick F. King has had the most to do withh this program. 1t is now proposed that Mr. King be made chairman of the school commit- “tee proper, and he has signified his willingness to acept the post so long and so ably filled by Judge Gaffney. It is to be hoped that the office is given to Mr. King. With the amount of money now at the disposal of the ommittee it only remains to expen “that sum, or as much of it as neces- sary, with the greatest attention to detail and with the greatest economy, consistent with wisdom. Mr, King, while possessing a broad view of the school needs, is the practical sort of man who would have the matter of cconomy constantly in mind, He has the confidence of the people, and in his manner of discussing school sub- Jects, which he has had occasion to do publicly recently, he has made the sort of impresgon that adds to that favorable reputation he has possessed. The Herald has taken occasion to express the thanks of the city to Judge Gaffney for the splendidly unselfish work he has done in the past in this fleld, and it takes this opportunity now of expressing to Mr. King its convie- tion that in the position of chairman of the school committee, if he ocen- pies that post, he will have the sup- port of the people of the city in a task that seems thankiess at times, but which, for all that, Is worthy the best efforts of any man. IMMEDIATE “TIME” PLANS This is not an argumentative word. The comsment is made merely for the purpose of trying to suggest the best thing to do now, today, in arranging for “dates” so that there will be as Httle confusion as possible the hour fom making appointments and the like, The practical necessity of some sort of understanding was suggested by & notice received today of the meeting over of the zoning committee Tuesday eve- ping. In setting the hour the notice states “7 p. m. Standard time." This arrangement indicates that 7 p next Tuesday evening, under advanced working schedules, wonld bring the hour, as figured m., meeting at the same in relation to other activities of the day, as 8 o'clock would do today. The g be At the time as ‘®@closed by to generally the ¢ , will probably be standard ole at jeast, but that be- work than we did ganday ot services s us time for a wh ginning with Monday morning, ob an hour earlier This hold their we will ge winter. irehes will sal, but after this Sund will come the the in the 11, therefore, will be held time w vig clocks i center, ¥ we state that mertings derstood that 7 o'clock mcans stan- dard time, there will be little confu- sion. It we ahead—our privately displayed clocks have turned our clocks wthey will read 8 o'clock, of conrse, the o say 7 o'clock, and we should figure in when the big elocks ir nter witl that way. About as simpl® a way to think of ft is to remember thaf the clocks In the center which we all see tell the time authoritatively. When you have on appvintment for 7 daylight saving time. ! e, you are looking at one of those big blocks and act accordingly, This sugghstion. 1T the merchants continue 1o take the posi- only a temporary tion they hate indicated they would take, we may rely upon the stores opening an hour earlier than usual, 1 the factories do not elinge their time- picees, but move the working hours ahead, then W Lour earlier by their clocks, New gener but must get to. work an too, Britain Ny will will is announced, adopt daylight gaving, not, unless turiher action adopt 8o, 1o uvoid con- tusion for a little while it would be well to eon the appointiments are made, at least, displayed clocks , locks by which matter » work, no when we go to work or c CHARLE MURPHY It is practically impossible for those who never camerinto contagt with the of Charles I, Mure phy, the dead leader powerful influenc of Tammany s that influence and upon what it was found- cd. Were his death only the death of another political of the day understand the term, those Hall, to realize how strong w boss, as politicians removed from the direct influence of the organization over which he ruled for twenty years might have little oc- casion to sce the significance of his But there is that significance, greater and far more important than is the fact that Charles Murphy, in his position as successor to Richard i | ; ance is emplMsized, and a picture of | . Fan er the publiery * them that res story copies toward the end, The pur-l thovie Their import- aphs are given to the ar- tisté and their doi them, have appeared, | Doug grinning and Mary looking ®0o | us they must | sweet foranything” comes readily to And then, after these ant matters wre described length, there of the et that *“T'he American am- bassador and Mrs. Kellogg ware pres- mind. import- | at f is the modest mention ent at the ball, and Consul General Skinner attended.” . Well, in we don't blame the London- fact this is news concerning ly Dbéosts them in our American nd the Consul ers; But—the ambas- lis wife- well, | may someday get a chance to appear opinion. sador and General? perhaps they, too, on the silver sereen, TRAFFIC That is what it is, « mess. It will remain a “mess” as long as country town ideas prevail in the THIE MESS actly-—a traflic city where the same conditions exist, and in a concentrated form, as those in the greater cities. Just as long, for instance, as two-way traflic is allowed on the west side of Central Park, there will be trouble there, The Herald has contended consistently that one- . way traffic around the park must come ¢ ! eventually. If the people are not yet ready to give up old notions and have ! this one-way trafic abbut the park, ' | than let a start be made by making some |, Croker after a brief interregnum in ' part of the necessary improvement at which a triumvirate ruled Tammany once. hall, named legislators, judges, mayors| It has been urged here, of the greatest city in the country and | there is need of frequent change in governors 'of the Empire state—and, | the trafic ordinances. The changing further, that the last two years of his | seasons, for instance, cause trouble life were devoted to planning for the &t one time of the year which does ! not have to be met at another time, The ordinance committee of the com- under the present ar- also that advancement to the presidency of Al Smith, now governor of New York, not because Al Smith was ever subseryvient mon council, to him,.but rather that Murply, with | rangement, has to meet and discuss boverty-strick the wisdom wikich always one of his chief characteristics, saw in Smith the sort of man who was big enough to be aided to the presidency without being barred from the White House by his association with that organization, needed changes. Quite. properly the committee consults with the police department or board. Then the ordi- nance has to be adopted by the com- mon council which meets but once a month unless a special session iy Yn. he aspect of Mr, Murphy's life that, ed—and one is seldom called metaly looms of importance at this time, aside from his fight from the humblest beginnings to a place of national pow- er,.is that which shows hinx as con- sidering the importance of the in- dividual as a factor in the success of any movement, Tammany hall has always cared for its workers and those to whom its work called attention. There was no man or woman too n, too little worth con- idering In a social view, who could not seek and find a friend in Tam- many hall, The great ofganization for for the purpose of changing a traffic ordinance. The corporation counsel has made a suggestion that the charter be! amended in order that the police board may have sole charge of the traffic regulation. Even now it is the duty of the police to regulate traffic under ordinances adopted by the com- ! mon council committee, 1t seems an absurd situation to handicap the po- lice who have to enforce the ideas of others in the performance of their dutles, The fact may be that the ordi- “which neither we, for any idealist. Rance committee of the council ia| holds a brief, grew strong because of its loyalty to those who supported it. Nor was it, nor Is it from altruisfic, unselfish motives that this policy be- came its ereed, Tammany's leaders have been looking out for themselves always. Perhaps they always will, But to gain their ends these leaders bow- ¢d bofore the power of the people wihom they sought to sway to ‘the in. terests and whom, by consideration of the needs of those people, they did move and keep in line, Charles I, Murphy did not found He steppeds into its leadership without an- nouncement, slipping into his power- ful position almost before those who might have contended for the place were aware of it. Not at once was he recognized as strong enough to lead. At first no fight was waged against him, his leadership being considered but temporary. Yesterday, when death, came to him, he had proven through twenty years that Croker's personal force was not necessary; that Tweed's Tammany hall, spectacular absolnte® deflance of others need not bhe employed In New York politics-— he had proven that he could become even more powerful they had occupied without the bluster tiey had in the position or demonstration of force shown. In the power wiclded by this man, won and sustained as he had won and sustained it, lesson for others who seek to be leaders to better things than ever came into the mind and the there is a of Charles F, Murphy. As he organfzation ted creed of first obtaining and then mak- ing use of the good will of all the people within their jurisfiction, so better leaders and mogpe worthy or- ganizations might well first and then use the good will of all the he posscssed the obtain prople to bring far better things, to the everlasting advantage of the coun- try and the people of it. POLG AND MARY No bunch of American tourists ever tried 0 hard to see European royalty, the Londoners to see oug and leclare London police, as did Mary at annual ball in London the other might. The from across the waler goes bobbies,” the American Legion’s little ateh on to tell how the members of the English police force had to form a efrcle tih popular American film artiss in order to pro- about tect them from- the curious; it spends quite a few tice ‘worde telling about them, as how. fgf inflance, thousands waited outside ”r balifoom to catch a glimpse of them—all #f which we an well andersiand fof we can be- Heve that Dang and Mary on our own Central Park would wake someyof the ity out of their to make them, that direction. lethargic of the dreams long enodith too’ turn their eyes § b primarily responsible for confusion or | facilitating trafic, but the practicai fact is that the man in the street or | in the car blames the police ‘when con- fusion exists, As explained by Judge Kirkham the police come into intimate contact with pedestrlans and drivers of cars, The mempers of the force, Intelligent men, come in contact with the police board The board places reliance upon the maembers of the foree, and it is the convietion that traffic rules, inctuding ordinances, would be much more sat- isfactory if conceived and adopted by the police board than by the ordinance committee which, hard as it may try to grasp the situation, is not in as good a position to do wo as is the board of police commissioners, The | suggested amendment to the charter should be made. | Observations on The Weather April 26~ the week Weather beginning Washington, outlook for Monday. North and Middie Showers and cool first half | generally fair over north portion Monday; normal temperature and mostly fair latter half except prob- ably showers about Saturday. Forecast for Southern New Eng land Fair tonight and Sunday; continued cold; fresh, possibly strong northeast winds on the codst. Atlantic states: except Yorecast for Bastern w York: Fair tonight and Sunday; continued cool, fresh. possibly strong north and northeast winds on the coast. For Connecticut: Fair tonight and Sunday; continued cool; fresh north and northeast winds, possibly strong on the coast. Conditions: An extensive area of high barometic pressure is producing fine weather in the eastern districts. The | western disturbance is central over lowa. Snow was reported at Denver, Colo., with tempagature down to 1% degrecs. The temperature is low over the Great Lakes and New Eng- land. Conditions fasor fair weather followed increasing cloudiness showers late Sunday night, for 1his vieinity on Sunday by probabily rmoon or RESCUED AT SEA Crew of Sinking Schooner saved Ry Passing Vessel Halifax, N, April 2 The crew of the schoower David €. Ritcey, which was reported abandoned in a sinking condition Wednesday, were rescued from the sinking vessel yes- terday by the steamship Virginia, ac- cording 1o a wireless message from Cape Race, geceived by the depart- {ment of marine and fisheries today. The schooner was set on fire before! being abafdoned. The schooneris a Nova Scotian ves- 1 of 254 tons and is reported to have Leen owhned in St Johns, Newfound- £, o'clock, imagine | But the unintentional humor of the 'jang, 5 . - (¢ 0, Y Maxson Foxuart Jupews, FLIRTATION o idle eycs one time 1 knew As tender as the heaven's blue; Idle, so far as I could sce, Save when their glances fell on me, And there was lots for them to do. They w I worshipped them, of course, and girl there could not be To idolize. You let me flirt and gently woo; You let me supplicate and sue; But when 1 set my passion free, And vowed my love on bended knee, | All that you said was: “Those are {wo Too idle lies. —Felix Carmen, n Black is Read ‘Why does de Stuyvesant Black: look so rough White:—"Because his suit was just filed in court, —Mary F. Kingston. 0 One touch of scandal makes the whole world chin. Advice to the Lovelorn Be punctual in every endeavor, But ’specially. when you've “got a date™ business, never;’ loving, late, —Reginald Wright Kauffman, In truly “better late than In better never, sir, than A girl never screams at the second kiss, Noted on Censorship It is a strange thing that in the pre- vailing censorship of letters and thé stage no one has seen fit to note the corruptive, perverting, and immoral nature of the classic “Mother Goose.” It derides marrviage: Needles and pins, necdles and pins, when a man marries, his trouble be- gins.” It encourages ignorance: “Old Mother Goose when she *want- ed to wander, would ride throlgh the alr on a very fine gander.” It sanctions too much freedony: “Wee Willie Winkle runs through the town, upstairs and downstairs, in his nightgown, It encourages theft—to say nothing of poor grammar— “Tom, Tom, the pip: & pig and away he run.” It doesn’t tell the truth: “Uphill_and down dale, made in every vale,” It is disrespoctful to old age and thus encourages bad conduct: Young lambs to sell! Young lambs to selll Hear the old man shout and yell! It encourages actions which lead to poor health: “Handy, Spandy, Jack-Dandy, pm}‘n cakes and sugar ¢andy,"” son, stole butter is lToves A Fast Workers Men have no hearts.” es, they have; but when they meet you they lose them,'™ Rollo Shephard. Bride (to fish dealer):-—"What sort of fish, do you think Mr, Braun, gocs best with a blue and white luncheon set,” -—B. G. D. Definition Try:~To attempt to start thing. T, some- st:—Something started, (Copyright, 1024, Reproduction forbidden). Contributions to the “Fun Shop” from readers of the Herald are welcome. Those ac- cepted will be pald for at rates running from $1.00 to $10.00. Poetry will be paid for at the rate of 25 cents a line, Address your communications to the “Fun Shop Editor” of the Her- ald, Write on one side of the paper only, Only matter that has not been published before will be considered. The humor may take any form, verse, epi- grams, sayings of children and so forth. The Herald wishes to inform readers, however, that the ¥un Shop s a national or- ganization, the editor of the col. umn who finally accepts eontri- butions is in New York and has the whole country to pick from, The humor, necessarily, must be very good before it is accepted. e 25 Years Ago Today (Taken from Herald of that date) FITTTTIIIEITVIVTIIT John Boyle has been awarded: the contract for the painting of the addi- tions to the Smith and Lincoln schools. A demonstration of the grapho- phone grand, the highest type of the perfected talking machine, was given in the Lyceum this afternoon before a number of interested listeners. Dr. A. B. Johnson and Dr. E. P, Twasf were antong those from-this city who atiended the annual foyster roast given by the giant bridge build- ing plant of the East Berlin company last night. Rev, ‘:Iur'm 3audian performed the cerelnony today of wuniting in wedlock John €. Christinger of Pristol and Miss Elizabeth Kempl of this city. The attempt made at the meeting of the common council last evening 10 ralse the salary of the sanitary in- spector from $500 per year to $600 . was tabled after a heated discussion. The high school baseball team will plag the Berlin Bridge nine at Elee- trie field at 3%’clock Saturday after- noon. In the annual report of the state board of education issved recently the records show that the general appropriation for the local normal ‘gh'w.l for the vear ending Scptember 80, 1597, was $59,000, o so soft, so sweet, 8o true, | Makes Random Observations On the City and Its People The late William F. Delaney, whose | trock and his wife, Mary, who were | | recent death grieved so many hun# born on the same day of the same | dreds, was known by his intimates as’| week and month of the same year, fa man of great generosity of spirit, [1600. They were married on their | Even in the face of disappointments | Birthday, and had 10 sons and daugh- he could see a thing from the other | ters. They both died in their 80th | fellow's angle, | year on the day of their birth within | Nine years ago when he was a can- | tive hours of each other.” didate for the postmastership there | Whitby, Yorks. was a spirited contest among all can- | -— | didates for the support of members of | “Erected to the memory of John 1lhe democratic town committee, It! MacFarlane. Drowned in the Waters | was assumed that the congressman of Leith By a few ' affectionate | from the district ‘would be guided in | friends.” his recommendation for postmaster | | by the advice of the town committee, | e . Sometimes it is refreshing to look | as is usually the case. | One of the members of the com- |at a proposition from the other side of the fence. Kor several years ora- | Scotch. | . | mittee was asked by Mr. Delaney lo‘ ! support him. “Sure I will, Bill,” he tors have protested against the whole- said, “If my name on paper means |sale slaughter of innocent automobile | anything you can have it.” | riders by the horrid railroads. Prop- | Two weeks later, the member 2ganda in this direction has been 50| ! learned that a mén with whom he | oveswhelming that few people have | worked every day and whom he great- | stopped to wonder whether the rail- | ly admired was also a candidate for |roads have a leg left to stand on. | the postmastership. He learned this 7That there is some justice in their .because his fellow worker came to | contention that they are not always to | | him and asked for support. He was | blame may be realized by any fair | deeply perplexed and explained that | minded individual after reading the ;he had already promised his support |address delivered before the New | to Mr. Delaney, The candidate asked | York Railroad club by A. T. Rudd, him to transfer his allegiance, which | chief signal engineer of the Pennsyl- { he refused to do.' Several days later | vania railroad system. | ‘he told Mr. Delaney of the situation Mr. Rudd argues, with a great deal and received this reply. “You work |of truth, that. “The trouble with us | with You like him and he | Americans is that we are in too much likes you. It is natural to suppose |of a hurry.” There is hardly any use in denying this assertion. From the —THE OBSERVER— | that you would have promised to sup- | port him if you knew he wanted to be postmaster before I asked you to | support me. I'm going to help you' ! out of your dilemma by releasing you from your pledge to me, Vote for him if this thing comes {0 a vote. I won't feel @ bit offended and we will i be just as good friends.” % | At that time the race was close. { Every ounce of support counted) A' | vote one way or another might have | tipped the scales, Yet big hearted | “Bill” Delaney, with his great sense | | of justice, was willing to rua the risk of losing out by releasing a vote be- | cause he thought a matter of honor, oased on friendship, was involved. | Herbert E. Erwin, the present post- | master, made many friends when he | | telegraphed to Washington and asked Ep«rmlulon to close the post office during the hour ef Mr. Delaney's fu- neral, It was a courtesy which all | Mr. Delaney's admirers appreciated. {n showed that there le something | | bigger than politics. Jven tnough | Washington, in ‘its politest official | | language, advised against such @& {course, Mr. Erwin's thoughtfuiness | made a lasting impression, DY | l Conspicuous by his absence last :Snturdny at Bristol's glorious dedica- |tion of its $20,000 monument in honor fof its former service men, was Park ‘(‘onnmwloner Albert F. Rockwell, donor of the land on which the new high school is located and through | which the Memorial Boulevard runs. | Apparently in the hustle and bustie |of the celebration preperations, an | [invitation to Bristol's benefactor was forgotten and when asked about the oversight, some of the committee [momberu felt that Mr. Rockwell was not entitled to any more of an invita- tion than the ordinary citizen, ina | much as pressure of business duties nation from the me- a short time before (the actual observance got under way. Anyway Mr, Rockwell was not present and all Bristol wondered as Mr, Rock- | well's popularity because of his gifts |10 the city in Rockwell park and the | site of the high school and boulevard is well known. No one has offered an lexplanation except that Mr. Rock- well's other engagements kept him from attendance but some unkind citd- zens have said that it was a personal disagreement with several members of the committee, which kept him away. His absence was keenly felt by Bristol 1 general and especially by the for- | mer sorvice men, .as his gifts set in motion the hahdsome testimonials to the veterans, ways interesting and, to the modern mind, frequently amusing, The prac- | tice’ of chiseling epitaphe on the | tombs of the “dear departed” is more common in Englapd, despite the fact that Americans “eredit Englishmen with having little sentiment or humor. | The Observer has becn presented moment we get up in the nforning ahd pour a cup.of scalding coffee down our throats until we rush into the house at mnight a leap ahead of the milkman we are in a hurry. “Do | it now" has ceased to be our slogan. “Do it an hour ago” has been substi- tuted.” We have no patience. We are a nation of “Go getters” and some- times we get it in the neck and then e cease to hurry and the neighbors | say to their husbands: “What kind of { will gispose of the subject with w dom commensurate with its collective brain power. Mr. King possesses the qualifications which the qublic expects of a mén who occupies an office of such vital | interest o 'the, community, . He has had experience in dispoesing of prob- lems which confront the men who cide the destinies of the education system. As chairman of the sub- committee on school accommodations he has been in intimate contact with the school expansion program which has been executed during the past [fclv years and which is still in the stage of progress. He has gained a knowledge of where schools are need- ed and what kind they should be, ‘as well as the details of their construc- tion, which fits him for the office’ of chairman of the board of education;at this hour when the program is yet to be completed. That he enjoys the confidence ‘of the men who pass on city expenditures, members of the board of finance and taxation, is at- tested by the interest with which they lave listened to his explanation of the need of new school bulldfhgs and their agreement with his ideas on the sub- ject. Mr, King is conservative and de- liberative, His business training with the Stanley Works has given him sound judgment on financial matters, which, added to his native *“hdrse sense,” qualifies him for appraising a project at its true value. By tem- | perament he is oalm and conservative, not, however, the type of conservative who believés in staying in a rut in or- der to play safe, Those who know him intimately would say his policy might be expressed in the words: “progress, always progress, with speed, but not recklessness.” Aside from these qualities which make him ideal from the standpoint of material benefits to the city. Mr. King i# sincerely interested in young people and the development of their minds. He has raised @ family and knows what perplexes parents. And he has gained an insight into those myiti- | farlous little things in life which in- fluence and help to shape the mental and spiritual growth of boys and girls. He knows when to encoyrage and when to discipline, There are times for one and times for the other. Another good point about Mr. King is that he is whole-hearted .in W ;1::‘0;! dl‘;lc{:':f' think s should buy;m," he undertakes, If he is chosen Lgard J | chairman of the board of edlcation In his talk Mr. Rudd said that in| 1922 there were 11,000 deaths in the United States from automobile mcci- dente, In the same year the rallroads | killed in collisions 72 passengers. In | a year and a half the Santa Fe rail- | road carried 16,000,000 passengers without kflling one yet in 1922 and 1928, 65 permons met their death at| grade crossings on the SBanta Fe lines. | For four years the Chica Milwau- kee and St. Paul had a clean record for collision deaths but in the same | | perlod 46 people gave up their lives | didn't on grade crossings, The Northwestern | also had no collision fatalities against | its record but on grade crossiugs of | the company there were 64 killed | and 166 injured. | Mr, Rudd's talk was a protest against what he considered the in-| justice of public bodies in ordering | raliroads to install safety control de- | vices at crossings d he scored a point when he declared: ow, the| first method of attack, as I see it, to eliminate this terrible siaughter at grade crossings, is to eliminate care- Jess, Incompetent and unfit drivers.” | He emphasized the constant w-leh; over enginemen and the repeated ex- | aminations they must submit to and | asked the queston: “How many au- | tomobilists are examined for physical | defects which may cause them to lose control at a ecritical moment when they are not fit to drive at all? How | many are checked up by the highway people on stopping at the proper places or slowing down gt the proper | places He a ered his own ques- | tion by saying: “Not one !” | The suggestion is made by Mr, | Rudd that the way to eliminate a large percentage of this trouble is to | “make a rigid examination—an ex- amination and re-examination, not as severe as we give our enginemen, but | a real examination, and every time a man scratches the paint on lnntlwr‘ car, or even on his own, give him a | re-examination.” This would be| rather extreme, the Observer believes, but it offers food for thought, It has certain to grow and grow until in-| competent or eriminally careless au- | tomobile operators are driven off the roads. An amusing—if you look at it that | way-—incident is related by Mr, Rudd who says: “I do know that in one in- | stance they stopped w train on the the public can rest assured that he will conscienciously attend to the du- ties in‘connection with the office and will not watch the clock, Facts and Fancies * BY ROBERT QUILLEN e Adam's life wasn't flawless, but he hear any talk about spring fabrics, ~ 1f they talk about their mistresses, that's impudence; if they talk about their servants, that's conversation. If all the known all districts were placed end to end, they would make 32,762 interesting columns, In.England a successful man stands for office; over here lLie counts his calories, Some of the fine professional build« ings are made of brick and some are made of adenoids, As & rule the explanation of the in- fant mortality rate is the fact that the kids are not wanted. In the old days a girl consulted her mother about matrimony., Now she waits a little while and consults a lawyer, The garage man is a gentleman. When he fixes one part, he never Epitaphs on old tombstones are al- [in it the germ of an idea which is | charges for the other part he gots out of fix., . Some women are unhappy, and some have frequent opportunity to give medicine to their husbands. At any rate the money that talks with a number of epitaphs found by |crossing on the Northern Pacific and | in Washington Is careful not to say a sofourner in the “Tight Little Isle” | which are reprinted with the hope |that they will entertain as well as interest readers of this column. | “Here lie the bones of William Jones. | Who when above collected bones; But Death, that bony, grizzly spectre, | That most amazing bone collector, | Has boned poor Jones so snug and | tidy | That here he lies in bona fide.” | Bideford, Devon. “Here under the stone | Lie Ruth and old John, | Who smoked all his life, {And so did his wife; | And now there's no doubt But their pipes are out Be it said without joke | That life is but smoke, Though you live to four score {"Tis & whiff and no more.” By a parson of Marnhull upon his clerk, John Warren, who died in 1725, |aged 94 years. In Marnhull, Dorsect. “§iere lies the body of John Walker, A indusirous working man, Hut not covetous of gain, A cheerfdl goog cempanion, And never felt much pain, But finished his days With peaceable good ways On § day of January, 17588, In his arm chair, Vree from all caré, In his $2nd year.” 4 Cubberfey, Glos, Qn John Knott “Here lies a man that was Knott born His father was Knott before him, He tived Knott, and did Knott die, | eYt underneath this stone doth e, | Knott christened, Knott begot, And here he lies, And yet was Knott.” Shefficld. "&tflumbo;;fil‘mdlnn > 1 while they were standing there a I"ord 1an into the left hand side. While they were cleaning up the wreck, a | Buiek ran into the right hand si Now echalk up your cue and take | another shot at “the railroads.” | Credit this weck for performing the act of greatest public benefit goel by unanimous consent to Judge Ben- | jamin W. Alling of police court whoe has sent a theater masher to jail for 30 days. There is no more annoying animal pest alive than the smirking man who makes himself obnoxious to yvoung women who attend the thea- ters for the purpose of being enter- tained, not hooking a Busband. lTu-! vally the pest wears a makes a noise like a boiler shop at | the rush hour, his hair is plastered | down with grease and he is liberally | sprinkled with a cologne which sells | for eight cents a quart, two quarts for | fifteen cents. He is a seif-confident | wort of person who has hypnotized | himself into belleving that all females are consumed with love the moment they cast their eyes upon his charms. | He is the type of human a girl's big | brother Nikes to meet when he feel that he simply must hit something or burst, Sitting beside some girl who 18 minding her own business, the “shiek™ makes his presence felt and proceeds 1o spoil & perfectly gnod afternoon by %18 objectionable conduct. 1t he 18 repulsed, he falls to become im- pressed, « Eventually he picks on & spunky young woman who complains | to a policeman and has him arrested, | Then he comes face to face with & judge ke “Big Fen” Alling and kicks | hie heels in the cooler for 30 days| and thinks things over. ! The most regrettable feature of these decadent days is fhat thorse. | whips went out of reach when the | hotse ceased to furnish motive power | for those who will Insist on ridng. | 1if the board of education selects P. | ¥. King as permancnt chairman it} who has handled it. One reason why the pioneers were hardy was because they had to tough it outside of taking something for if. It is a futile process. Man puts in half his time hardening his muscles, nd the other half hardening his arteries, The radio won't be a complete suc. cess until man can tupe out when his wife beging to comment on his drunk- en friends. suit which i. An alien is a man who can give an apple sufficient polish to make it fetch 4 nickel more, We are old-fashioned, and the wai« length that pleases us best comes down to the hifs when it jsn't denc vp. In this pure age there is nothing but disappointment for the naughiy- minded unless they can get jobs as censors. 1t we send enough money to Ger- many, the man in the éity will be able to buy surpius stocks from the man in the country. 4 The Europeans have notions of their own, and dowbtless they think Dawes is speaking of a Jady friend every time he refers to Hell and Mariah. Correct this sentence: “If it's one of those nasty sex Sovels,” said the girl's mother, “I refuse to read iL” .