New Britain Herald Newspaper, October 15, 1915, Page 6

Only Differences » BETWEEN the SMALL. MILLINERY STORE and The Eastern Millinery Co. PRICE AND VARIETY You will find in our wholesale showrooms the same qual- T Y up STAIRS reater assortment at PRICES THAT MEAN A GREAT SAVING HATS TRIMMED FREE VISIT OUT SHOWROOMS SATURDAY RIMMED HATS, UNTRIMMED HATS FLO WERS GOLD AND SILVER TRIMMINGS OSTRICH RIBBONS AND NOVELTIES ALL AT A WHOLE- SALE SAVING EASTERN MILLINERY CO. 183 Main Street. MILLINERY HEADQUARTERS. air Raising Humor Crops Dut at Bald Heads’ Dinner Luminant Discovered in Connecticut’s Fun Firma- ment—Riggs Tells How Brandy Made His e 14 you ever sat on a grassy knoll h the morning and watched the he majestically over the hori- til the golden disc shed its It on a. receptive world? Some- bt ‘this sort happened last eve- t the state armory in d What, you ask, the night inWinsted? Yes, in- othing is impossible—in Win- his sun was not Old Sol. It other bright luminary and its fiministered a warm bath, to rld of humor. It was Edward gs, executive assistant of the ork, .Newy Haven -and Hart- hilroad . gompany. Mr. Riggs e principal speaker at annual and meeting'' of the Bald i club of °"America. No one expect ‘@’ funny remark from connected” with the New Hu- Iroad, that dusty, grimy, smoky ss system of steel, smoke soot, s and 'late trains, But forth ‘his’ disheartening conglomera- ! ept amn errant beam of humor ughter--in 'the person of the 've assistant, who may be fired ow when: his employers learn such -a amirthful soul. Riggs told of the horrible ef- brandy: on: his hair. He told— . him -$ell' it himself: Brandy Made Him Bald. “Winsted Evening Cltizen’ re- | started a discussion as to the na wherefore of baldness: In scussion quite a number of Con- 't newpapers have joined. FEE WHIPS UP AND CONSUMES RESERVE ENERGY figators Declare Continued Use Coffee Works Disaster to .. ..Nervous System. es the daily use of coffee as a hge, continued for a series of do harm?” sun A, Evans in the ‘A horse cannot ipped dally for years without harmed. A man cannot be d continuously for years with- ping harmed, The very fact that fatigue is slowing down muscles in cells, coffee will whip them hd that under the stimulus of the working capacity is unduly d, is proof that harm will come process is kept up for a series tigue is a danger signal,” adds eér' investigator. “It means that eary body should immediately st. Caffeine in any form puts k on this signal, and temporarily als it by whipping up the re- forces and then consuming htigue is like a red light that attention to a ditch in the dark. by with common sense would as- { brandy! Sealp An Arid Desert. “Perhaps you will expect from me a confession as to the cause of my baldness. Well, here goes. My bald- ness was caused by brandy! nothing but brandy is a sorrowful tale to tell, but it is ut- terly truthful, “A number of years ago I was ex- ceedingly ill of typhoid fever in a neighboring state. The town was ‘no license.’ During my convalescence, my beloved father, now with the great majority, thought his son might like a little brandy to build up on. He went back to New York and sent several bottles of the finest brandy that that wicked town could produce. A month later, when I returned to the parental roof, he asked, ‘Well, my boy, how did you like that bran- dy?’ ‘ ‘What brandy?’ ‘“ ‘Why, the brandy I sent to you to help you to recuperate.’ ‘ ‘Never had a drop of it, not smell of it.’ a New Britain. (P STAIRS “Gentlemen, when this country wag fi settled, or shall I more truthfully say unsettled—by the hardy pioneers of Europe, the Indians instinctly knew this great fact, and tried to forestall time by deftly and gracefully remov- ing the top hair from every white man they met. “By endeavoring, in their rude but forceful manner to create upon this star spangled continent, a race of tald-headed men, the Indians did the Lest they could to create a precedent in favor of the highest type of man. ; And of this, the highest type of man, 1 may say that practically evervone of us here tonight, is a articular bright and shining, example. “In making these remarks, how- ever, I do not intend to speak slight- ingly of those of our guests here who, by reason of their mental inferiority, are not eligible for membership in this august body of ntellectuals. It is true that none of these gentlemen who has any hair on top of his head was born that way, but if this which was thrust upon him later in life con- tinues to remain now, we must not condemn him. There are exceptions { to every rule. In my time, gentle- raen, I have known several men who had hair who were fairly intelligent. These specimens are rare, I admit, but | they do exist. “But so much of the rank vegetable grows on men during their years of immaturity that overconscientious scientists have gone to work and gathered data about it. They have gathered an amazing lot; but sooner or later in their ludicrous pursuit they “In those days we did mnot as nurses the ministering angels, whose tenderness, loveliness and ef- ficiency have often so fascinated th patient that the twain became one. We had men nurses! Men nurses! Think of that! Think of a man down in the depths of the misery of a ser- ious illness being compelled to open his eyes and look upon a man nurse! Ye gods, that is but one form of hell! And I am bald because those men nurses swiped all that brandy which so soddened their picayune intellects that they forgot to shave my head: That’s why I am bald. This is the practical, truthful explanation and not that any struggling mentality has dried up the hair cells in my skuil. “I appreciate the honor of this op- portunity and I want to treat my suh- Ject seriously. It is serious. I shall be frank.- I did not come here this evening to deliver a finished address on the subject which is uppermost Wwith all of us. But in the limited time at my disposal, I should like to em- phasize the intellectual ascendency Wwhich this organization undoubtedly has over the rest of mankind. The Terrible Handicap of Hair. “The laugh today is on the long- haired man. have He can’t belong to our organization. That is a distinct hand- icap. Intellectually, we bald-headed men are very much in the open. I do not want to claim everything for the bald-heads. I am willing to ac mit that some men have done pretty Poets and musicians. On the other hard, gentlemen, I want to assert, as I look down on you, that hersute ster- ility is not incompatible with mental verility. T rather like that phrase. [ ing up here today, and, as is my cus- tom, allowed my hand to play w the fringe of hair on the back my head. Too much hair distracts mental effort. A fringe that can be gently toyed with on the back of the head, and perhaps a sparse forelock that can be trained, help mental ef- fort. While I was thinking of what I was going to say to you my right hand automatically sought out the fringe of hair on the back of my head. Everything lovely until a man behind me finally leaned over and whispered hoarsely, ‘Drive ‘em up into the clearing, friends, and then th of a minute that by putting ¢light the ditch would be re- 1,° Yet that is exactly what f .Peonle do when they disguise Weariness for an hour by re- g to stimulants.” E.—Jt is interesting to observe as medical science more and reveals the harmfulness of coffec & health of both old and young follows. & tremendouns increase je use of the pure food beverage, you can catch 'em’ I hope he wasn't serious. I am—today. We bald-head- [ ed men have efficiency statistics with us and in these days anything that is labeled ‘efficiency,’ whether it is or not, gets the popular vote. we have got Nature with us. Take a look at Nature and you will be con- vinced. Potatoes, for example. tatoes are no good until their foliage above the ground is dead. It is the same with brains. Until the hair is dead, the brains are not ripe. well with a hair-handicap, especially | was thinking it over in the train com- | i Morever, Po- | have perceived the joke. Then they bave begun to get rid of their own hair, and have become our leading humorists. Consider the immortal | Bill Nye. | Nye and the Seven Sisters, | “Nye aian’t call himself a scientist, | but he was one of the first to discover the joke on people who cultivate hair, His letter of mock reproach to the Seven Haired Sisters is famous. | Everyone has read it; but only bald | men understand the cleverly con- | cealea irony. That letter demon- strates Nye's greatness. Anyone can laugh at what it says on the surface, yet all the time there is a more subtle significance for the exclusive delecta- tion of bald men. It isn’t broad sar- | casm. Nye was a gentleman. It is a delicate irony, very satisfactory to you and me, who have no such ter- Tible affliction as that which the Seven Sisters brazenly capitalized and with which they misled a thoughtless pub- lic. Let me read the letter itself, or the most important parts of it: | ‘‘To the Seven Haired Sisters, N. Y. C. ‘' ‘Mesdames, Mamselles and Fellow Citizens: kair promoter which you sold me is not up to its work. It was a year ago that I bought it, and I think that in a year something ought to show., - Your directions involved great care and trouble to a man in my position, and still T have tried faithfully to follow them. What is the result? Nothing but disappoint- ment, and not o very much of thut. “‘Fair, but false Seven Haired | Sisters, you have lost in me a good, warm, true-hearted, powerful friend. Ask me not for my indorsement, or for my before-and-after-taking pic- tures to use in your circulars; I give kind words and photographs hereafter to the soap men. They are what they | seem. You are not. “‘When a woman betrays me she must beware. When seven of them do so, it is that much worse. i | “‘Here at this point our ways will | diverge. The roads fork at this | place. I shall go upward and onward | hairless and cappy, also careless and happy, to my goal in life. The world may smile upon you, and gold pour into your coffers, but the day will come when you will have to wrap the drapery of your hair about you and lie down to pleasant dreams Then will arise the thought, alas!— | Then yowll Remember Me. ‘I now close this letter, leaving you to the keen pangs of remorse and the cruel jabs of unavailing regret. Some | baldness, whilst still baldness thrust upon them with a paint brush. Some are bald on the I outside of their heads, others on the others have | loaded with devastating detail at each other’s heads, which no doubt in most I write to say that the | people are born bald, others acquire | inside. But, oh, girls, beware of bald- ness on the soul. (I ask you, even if you are the daughters of a clergyman, te think seriously of what I have said.) “‘BILL NYE."” Here Is the Reason, Dear Watson. “The fact that a majority of great men are bald is easily explained. Their brains convert into dynamic thought all the blood their hearts can pump into their heads, before it can waste itself irrigating the weeds of false vanity. “Julius Caesar, a noted smooth- pate, had a just contempt for lazy- minded men who allowed their blood so to waste itself, and he used to or- der the rank heads of such shaved down to the bone, which was always found to be present. ‘“We cannot neglect our responsi- bilities. Samson had his hair cut in the night by a lady barber named Delilah, but he let it grow again— and where is he? If Absolom, that erring son of David, had been bald- headed, he might have been here with us tonight, extolling the virtues of the superman. ““And the Chinese, wisest of all peo- ple, were shaving their heads thou- sands of years before you and 1 had | any. They left on the long _istail, but that, I believe, was by order of the head executioner, who has always had a good hold on the Chniese peo- ple—not excepting the heads of the government. ‘“Scientists have fought over flicting theories, hurling huge con- omes cases have been adequately matted against other people’s ideas. A man named Withof took his microscope in hand, hunted down an absolutely in- excusable head of hair, and proceed- ed to count 728 hairs on a square inch of surface, or 178,560 hairs in all Such a life-handicap seems incredible. “The average hair which so vul- garly protrudes from the top knot of S0 many common people, grows at the rate of one-sixteenth of an inch every twenty-four hours, or in thirty da over one inch in length on the aver- age head I am quoting roughly from the Encyclopaedia Brittanica and the almanacs. When we n- sider that every head of hair contains from thirty to forty thousand hairs— making a continuous single hair in the course of a month of nearly a mile— why then it is easy for us to under- stand why the bald headed man is the intellectual superior to his hirsufe brother, who has to live with a drain like that fastened upon him. “Another gentleman of scientific leisure and independent income con- sidered the diameter of the point of | an extra slim hair of still another un- | to | Con- | siderable hair-splitting for so small a | and found it inch. occupied gentleman. measure 1-3000th of an point. There is related also the cas of a man who, after enjoying perfect baldness for two year: ddenly grew another complete crop of hair. Per- haps that is the most pathetic inci- dent on record. “The women peasants of Brittany raise such hopeless crops of hair that they have to sell them every two or | three years. They sometimes receive as much as $10 a head. These are un- | fortunate cases; but there are others The people of the Shetland Islands are | reported to lose their hair through | the eating of much fish. It may be pointed out that fish is brain food. Then there is said to be a race of hairless men in Australia. No doubt ! the day is coming when that race will take its place at the top of civiliza- tion. “It is estimated that the average man, by the time he has reached fifty vears will have cut off from his heal thirteen feet of hair, and in twenty- | five years will have shaved eizht feet of beard. The total loss of pe tion itself seems negligible by parison. “The Nubians shave their heads < cept for that important tuft on tie crown by which they believe a : angel of death will bear all true believers to Paradise. 1In that respect the Nua- bians and the Chinese seem to think alike. “But the ancient Greeks had the right idea. When a warrior won a victory, or a sailor passed succe: ully through great perils at sea, he cut off his hair and hung it on a tree con- secrated to the gods, or deposited it in a temple, or buried it in the tomh of a friend. The point is, he grabbed com- 11b LIVER 1-2 Ib BACON for 15¢ Home Made Sausage . .... lb_l SC Pure Leaf Lard .3 Ibs for 25c e Shoulder Roast oulder oas”lb 15c All Brands of Flour . ... | at the straw—called Would You Give € $2.75 For This Elegant Dinner Set? Would you? Well! You certainly would if you could cee how beautifully it would look on your dining table. We're not seliing these charming sets of forty-two pieces, coupons, one of which is packed but we're actually giving them away for fifteen with each pound of Wedgwood Creamery Butter, and $2.75 in cash. This small amount of money is /ess than wholesale cost. We can make this startling offer simply by buying in large quantities. Moreover, we’re willing to stand a trifling loss if we can get more housewives to use WEDGWOOD Creamery ch'lw Creamery Butter is made from rich milk from bred Jerseys and Holsteins. Butter That's the whole secret of the thing—we want to introduce Wedgwood Butter, and we want to intro- duce it guickly. Now, here’s your chance. Ask your ;flocer to send you a pound of Wedgwood today. ave some on the table for supper tonight. It’s so pure and smooth and creamy that everybody’s bound to enjoy it. forget the coupons. But don’t let this enjoyment make you Order a pound and start your collection today. At the best grocers’. P. BERRY & SONS, Hartford, Conn. Sole Distributers for New England States It’s pure, wholesome and appetizing. it a high and noble sacrifice, and got rid of his hair. It was a great little joke on the gods. Gov, Hughes and the Fern Di “Irvin Cobb thinks there severa]l thousand voters in New York state who didn’t vote for Governor Hughes the first time he ran because Lis pictures made him look so much like a man climbing out a fern dish. “Cobb recalls that when the demo- cratic national convention nominated the Honorable John Kern of Indiana for vice president, several million Lumorists, amateur and professional, simultaneously went ‘Ba-a-a!’ were shore to shore, rocked with laughter; for Mr. Kern, although a worthy gen- tleman, had one of those full-rigged faces. “Dr, Woods Hutchinson, not always funny, rises to humorous eminence in | in ‘Good House- some time back. delightfully ironic with the it the ar. article printed keeping Magazine’ He makes several remar He sa. .. exception of hereditary baldness, m. be broad stated that in PARK MARKET CO. like | a goat, and the whole continent, from | great majority of cases, anyone who will keep himself in a fairly fit and healthy condition and the scalp clean, well be likely to have fairly abundant, glossy, and durable hair’ If there were any truth in that statement, there would be nothing for us to do Lut to give up bathing and roll in the mud. Hutchinson recalls that Mark | Twaln was terribly discouraged with life when it occurred to him at the | age of eight that every mortal morn- | ing of his whole life he would be com- relled to go through the agony of washing his face and brushing his hair—365 times each year, and he might live to be seventy years! ““The real use of hair is to be brushed,” observes the doctor. It might be added that the noblest work of a brush is to weed the human potato patch. “But perhaps the world’s leading humorist has come to light in Dr. Szekely, assistant in the hospital at Budapest, who has devised a method of actually planting a bald head with bair. He inserts a fine silky speci- nien of the pest in a hollow hyper- dermic needle by means of a gold wire almost as fine, inserts needle in sea and draws it out again, leaving hair hanging half and half, caught a held under. the scalp with a part the gold wire in the form of a hook, So far, almost serious; but the doctor naively states that it takes 50,000 bairs to plant a whole head, and that one skilled operator could work at the rate of 500 hairs an hour, so that planting one crop would require tea days of ten working hours each. TL_ President Wilson hasn't already offered this learned doctor the post of chief of the agricultural bureau, then the editor of the ‘Litchfield Enquirer ought to go after him. “And so I say to you gentlemen, let us not miss our destiny; let us miss no effort to realize our superiority; let us, in the words of Cato: 2 “Rem tibl quam noces aptam dimittere noli Fronte capillata, post occasiq calva. i nothing pass which will be t¢ your advantage Having in fromt; behind.)” est (Let Occasion’s bald Groceries, Meat and Fish ———230-232 PARK STREET——— FRESH FISH, CLAMS AND OYSTERS Fresh Cut Hamburger . .. n13c Sliced Lean Prime Rib Roast of Beef . . 18 Ibs Sugar. $1 .00 Strictly Fresh Pork .........Ib Sliced Sugar Cured b 18¢c 25¢ FRESH NATIVE SHOULDERS Smoked Shoulders 2TO 3 P.M. ONLY—SHORT, SIRLOIN AND ROUND STEAKS of Best Quality ......... 201bs Sugar & §1 25 ¥ 1b Tea for 3-5¢ cans of Evap. 1 0 c Cabbage Free With Corned Beef 1 gt Beans and 1, 1b Salt Pork for ZOC Plenty of Veal and Prices . Are Low 3 cans of Fancy Peas for 3-5¢ Boxes of Matches for Genuine Rib La;tl:b l 5 c 3 Rells of Toilet 1 0 c 3-5¢ Bags of Genuine Legs of Spring Lamb . . .. Fresh Concord Grapes . ...a bsk P.S.—MONDAY, 4 to 9 p.m. ONLY—SHORT, ROUND, SIRLOIN and PORTERHOUSE STEAK of 18c 1b Best Quality 5